- 3 months ago
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00:26Hello, ladies!
00:28Miss Friis!
00:30Pretty lady!
00:32I am always being telling that English ladies are top dog!
00:36And it is true!
00:37Hello, baby doll!
00:38What are you wearing, Miss Friis?
00:39I like you very much!
00:41You are bigger and better!
00:43More room for beauty, eh?
00:46But, too many clothes, you know?
00:48Why are you talking like that, Miss Friis?
00:49No, British! No, no, no, no, no!
00:51I'm no speaking English good, you know?
00:53I Ruthanian!
00:56Ruthanian State Circus!
00:58You come tonight, be my special guest!
01:00We make music together!
01:01You musical?
01:02Musical?
01:03Yes, I used to play a little, but I've forgotten it all now!
01:06People tell me I have a very good ear!
01:08You have one good ear, two good ear, both good ears!
01:12Best!
01:13You musical all over!
01:15And I love you!
01:19Julie, memo number 27, tell Carol she's late for work and not to talk to strange men in the streets!
01:27You go practice your music!
01:30You come afterwards!
01:31Ask for me!
01:33Round the back!
01:34Together we make meals!
01:39Round the back of what, Mr. Itz?
01:41Igor!
01:42We go starakast campus tour, Igor!
01:45We go starakast campus tour, Igor!
01:49Excuse me, sir!
01:50If you come for a swim, I should point out that it's over 65s only all morning and under 5s
01:56only all afternoon!
01:57But do come back tomorrow!
02:00Timothy, if you're going to take over at reception from Carol...
02:02Hello, yes!
02:03What?
02:03While she's canoodling with strange men in the streets, I should point out to you, reception standing order number 22B,
02:10the receptionist is to be awake at all times.
02:13I was just thinking with my eyes closed, Mr. Brittis.
02:1622C, with her eyes open.
02:18Uh, uh, Mr. Brittis, these gentlemen are from the...
02:20We represent the First National Church of Chattanooga.
02:23Do I have the pleasure of speaking to Mr. Gordon Brightass?
02:30I already take the Reader's Digest, thank you very much, good morning.
02:33Our visit on this occasion is not in connection with that organ.
02:37Mr. Brightass, according to this Man of the Year cover story in Time Magazine, you were for a short time
02:43clinically and officially dead.
02:45Oh yes, he was!
02:46He was crushed flat by a falling water tank, right here!
02:49And then, when we were trying to bury him, we heard this knocking on the...
02:52Um...
02:53Thank you, Timothy.
02:53I am first and foremost, however, manager of this very busy leisure centre.
02:58And for that reason, I've turned down all interviews.
03:01Good morning.
03:01This is no interview, sir.
03:03Since you have been born again, we wish to complete the process by baptising you again.
03:08By complete immersion personally in your own pool.
03:12With music provided by our choir.
03:14Mr. Chattanooga, please!
03:17A leisure centre manager has to be above mere religion.
03:20I have all sorts of faiths coming in through these doors, and I have to be impartial.
03:25I said no to circumcision, and I have to say no to you.
03:28Right, man.
03:29But, Mr. Brightass...
03:31Right, first things first. Gavin, what have I got in my hand?
03:34Is this a conjuring trick, Mr. British?
03:36Lowest form of wick, Gavin.
03:37It's for juggling, isn't it?
03:40Precisely, Mrs. Bidmead.
03:41And what is the word we're remembering all this week?
03:44Beans.
03:45Beans?
03:46No, the word we're remembering is merchandising, Gavin.
03:49Why remember beans?
03:50That's a bean bag, isn't it, Mr. British, for juggling with?
03:52Exactly, juggling.
03:53And what is special about today?
03:55It's Thursday.
03:56Gavin, are you due for a holiday?
03:58I just have one, Mr. British, in Skiathos with Tim.
04:00Too many late nights, too many girls.
04:03You're both looking tired.
04:04Today is the day we've got a juggler and unicyclist from the Ruthenian State Circus coming in.
04:09Exactly, Penelope. Sharp as a tack.
04:10Excuse me, Mr. British, have you heard anything about this Ruthenian State Circus?
04:14Apparently they're terrible.
04:16There's only three of them.
04:17They just keep coming on in different moustaches.
04:19They're from Eastern Europe, Gavin.
04:21Our job as European community members is to extend the hand of friendship.
04:26But, Mr. British, they've still got performing animals.
04:28They've got some sort of bear that they make wear a silly hat and ride around on a tricycle.
04:32Gavin, the person coming here is a unicyclist and a juggler.
04:36And he's going to be doing demonstrations in the sports hall.
04:38And you are going to be selling starter juggling kits to all our customers, alright?
04:42There's 2,000 of them. I want them all sold.
04:44There aren't 2,000 kids in town, Mr. British.
04:47Defeatism, Gavin.
04:49Juggling is for all ages and unicycle is recommended to older people.
04:54What do I do when they fall off?
04:55Gavin, you put them back on again.
04:58No gain without pain.
05:03What's that smell?
05:04I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. British.
05:06It was the swimming pool.
05:08The build-up of corn plasters in the filter.
05:11I don't need the evidence on my desk, Colin.
05:15Now, we're talking about merchandising.
05:18You wanted ideas, Mr. British, and I've got one.
05:21We sell this in reception.
05:23Old Mother Weatherby's herbal tonic.
05:26It's made from stinking hogweed, stinking puffball, stinking press and mimosa...
05:32Hello, Dorana.
05:33What's that?
05:34Stinking mimosa.
05:36Colin, this is a leisure centre, not Old Mother Weatherby's kitchen.
05:39But, Mr. British, this is a genuine herbal remedy.
05:42I'm a living advertisement for it.
05:45Look at my nose.
05:47It's bright red, Colin.
05:48Exactly.
05:49This tonic draws all the poisons up into one place, you see.
05:53Where they swell and swelled.
05:56And then one day the pressure just gets so great the whole thing just...
05:59Yes.
05:59All right, thank you, Colin.
06:01Gavin, I want you to take this lot down to the pool, please,
06:04and set up an attractive display by the water's edge.
06:07Great.
06:07Now I'm a beanbag salesman.
06:09And don't grind your seats.
06:10Penny!
06:10Mr. Precious, that little warped thing on the side of your face,
06:13you can get those taken off, you know.
06:15Only if we can sell them to the public, Penny.
06:18Right, good meeting, everyone.
06:20Colin, you're still here.
06:21But, Mr. British, my tonic.
06:23I've been fine-tuning it all week.
06:24I've been putting frogs in, taking frogs out.
06:27Colin, the public do not want anything that frogs have been in.
06:30But, Mr. British, I've made 20 gallons of it.
06:32It goes off in a week.
06:33Get rid of it, please, and put something modern on that nose.
06:36People swear by my tonic.
06:38Not in this leisure centre, though, don't.
06:40Close the door, please.
06:43Julie!
06:44I'm doing the crossword!
06:46Julie, I want you to get Linda.
06:49I want you to tell her that although I'm very busy, I've got a small window.
06:51I'd chuck myself out of it, if I were you.
06:55Julie, just tell her that if she wants to see me, now is the time.
06:58She's here.
07:01Oh, Linda, please, come in.
07:03My door is always open.
07:04Take a seat, will you?
07:06Now, what's the trouble?
07:07You've got one minute.
07:08It's about those merchandising ideas you wanted us to have.
07:11Excellent, Linda.
07:13Pitch it.
07:13What?
07:14Pitch it to me.
07:15Tell me what it is.
07:16Oh, well, it's these, Mr. Rittos.
07:18Drawings.
07:18The same reception.
07:19The souvenirs.
07:20Who's this, Linda?
07:22It's Edward, my boyfriend.
07:23I did them in life class.
07:25Linda, this is a drawing of a 70-year-old wrinkly old man.
07:29Don't you like them?
07:30But you said the body was a temple.
07:32You said it was beautiful.
07:34Pardon?
07:34Last night, you said I was beautiful.
07:37I said what?
07:38In the supermarket.
07:40You were sweet.
07:41You had your boots on.
07:42You put your arms around me and told me in that funny accent that I was the most beautiful
07:48lady.
07:49What supermarket?
07:50I was by the frozen peas and you came up and tickled me.
07:55Linda, I did not go shopping last night.
07:58I was at home emptying my turnips.
08:03And tickling staff is not part of my remit.
08:06Oh, you did it very nicely.
08:08Linda, do you realise accusing me of doing something I didn't do at a place I didn't
08:12go to amounts to harassment?
08:14Harassment?
08:15Who was harassing who?
08:16I didn't tickle you.
08:17And nor will you while I'm about.
08:19That's very nice.
08:20All right.
08:21If you don't want me to help, I won't.
08:22And I'm not coming round the back to make music tonight either.
08:25You can make music on your own.
08:30Julie, when did Linda last have a holiday?
08:36Oh, do be quiet Ben, you'll disturb people.
08:39Carol, can I borrow a marker pen?
08:40Yes, borrow one of Ben's felt tips.
08:42I'm sure he won't mind.
08:43Oh, no.
08:45You'll get it back.
08:46What's this thing?
08:48It's a bust of Beethoven.
08:50Oh, great.
08:50We're selling busts of Beethoven, are we now?
08:52I mean, I don't mind goggles.
08:53I don't mind flippers.
08:54I don't even mind Kendall mint cake.
08:56But what the hell's Beethoven got to do with a leisure centre?
08:58It's just merchandising gone mad.
09:00It's not merchandising.
09:01It's mine.
09:02Oh.
09:03That's right.
09:04Like Mr. Britters.
09:05This morning he told me to make music.
09:07So I'm learning lots of new instruments starting with the violin.
09:10Oh, yes.
09:12Nice.
09:12Thanks for the pen.
09:15Did you know you could get a nip taken out of your buttocks to give them definition?
09:19I don't want a nip taken out of my buttocks.
09:21It's only cost £200.
09:23I've only got £100.
09:24Mind if I walk around lopsided?
09:27He doesn't want me.
09:29He doesn't want my tonic.
09:30Well, I don't want him.
09:32Oh.
09:32What?
09:33What?
09:34Tim.
09:35Oh, I'm sorry, Collie.
09:37Carol's back in reception so I came down here for a bit of a kip.
09:40I've been out all night with my catering.
09:42You won't tell Brittis, will you?
09:43I'm not talking to him.
09:46You'd never believe how popular catering was.
09:48We've got loads of bookings.
09:50Might come to the point where I have to give this job up.
09:51I'm thinking of giving it up altogether.
09:54What do you mean?
09:55Stop unblocking things?
09:56He's really got my back up this time, Tim.
09:59These herbs are a living repository of ancient knowledge.
10:03He thinks they're rubbish.
10:04Well, Collin, there was that time he had athlete's foot.
10:07You gave him some stuff and all his hair started falling out.
10:09That was a labelling error, Timothy.
10:11I'm going to prove he's wrong.
10:13I'm going to prove that this is what the public wants.
10:14I'm going to give away free samples at reception.
10:17I'm going to fill all these little bottles.
10:20You could do with some of this yourself, you know.
10:21Pick you up.
10:22Pass me that funnel.
10:24You're not going to pour it straight down my throat, are you?
10:26I'm going to fill these.
10:29Here.
10:31That's for you.
10:32Chuck it down.
10:34Oh, well, I'm supposed to be at the deep end.
10:37I'll take it with me.
10:38Perhaps I'll chuck it down later.
10:39At your convenience.
10:41Very probably.
10:50Good morning, Carol.
10:53Oh, good morning, Miss Press.
10:54Aren't I musical?
10:56Are you?
10:57Well, Mr Butterson said, he's inspired me.
11:00I'm working my way through the whole orchestra.
11:02Carol, the romance has gone out of our marriage.
11:06Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs Butterson.
11:08Does Mr Butterson know?
11:09Have you seen this?
11:10Is the excitement still in your bedtime?
11:12I only scored 22% and I was cheating.
11:16Look.
11:17Scored 20 to 30.
11:19Brrr, frigid.
11:20Your bed must be like Greenland, Mrs.
11:23Do something before you are sober.
11:26Well, you've no need to worry about Mr Butters today.
11:29He wasn't at all frigid when I saw him this morning.
11:31In fact, he approached me.
11:33He approached you?
11:34Yes, from behind a tree.
11:35He told me to make music and he was so funny and persuasive I have.
11:40Oh, Mrs Bidmead.
11:42Mrs Nugent has cancelled the sauna.
11:44Pleasure.
11:45Hello, Mrs British.
11:47I hope you don't mind me saying, but you're looking slightly baggy under the eyes.
11:50Well, of course I am.
11:51And you try being alluring and exciting with three children in our household to run.
11:56Four children, Mrs Bidmead.
11:58Four, yes.
11:59You see?
11:59Where's four doors?
12:00Couldn't get your under eyes dredged, you know.
12:03Dredged?
12:04Why don't you come and have a jacuzzi?
12:06You've been looking very drawn recently.
12:11Eternal vigilance, Timothy!
12:12Yes, yes, Mr British.
12:14Gavin, how many sold?
12:16None yet, Mr British.
12:17There's a bit of a problem.
12:18Well, have you attracted people's attention?
12:20Have you juggled?
12:21I can't juggle, Mr British.
12:23And these beanbags...
12:27All out!
12:29Please leave the pool immediately by the ladder to my right.
12:33Proceed to the changing rooms via this table where juggling kits are available from our attendants.
12:39Come on, have a double, please!
12:41See, Gavin, a salivary ship.
12:43They won't want them, Mr British.
12:44There's only two beanbags in each kit.
12:46There ought to be three.
12:47If you do it with two, well, that's not juggling.
12:50Gavin, it's a marketing opportunity.
12:52Give away one packet free with every packet bought.
12:54Simple.
12:55Well, we'll lose money.
12:56And then they'll have four beanbags.
12:58Then charge twice as much, Gavin.
13:01I haven't got any money with them, Mr British.
13:04What am I supposed to do?
13:05Send them out one by one to get their clothes?
13:07Not clothes, Gavin. Wallets.
13:11And you could get the cellulite removed.
13:14Isn't the cellulite what they insulate ceilings with?
13:16Perhaps they do when they've taken it out.
13:19Oh, and I noticed your ears aren't the same.
13:21You can get them balanced surgically.
13:23I thought I was basically all right.
13:25Well, basically, yes.
13:26Gordon's never complained.
13:28Mind you, in the last few weeks he's barely noticed me.
13:31Yes, but some of that time he was dead, wasn't he?
13:33Yeah, well, not counting when he was dead.
13:34I was in a padded cell, anyway.
13:37But now he's back, he just doesn't seem interested.
13:40Do you think he could have left his libido on the other side?
13:42You'll have to find a way of interesting him.
13:46Do you play games?
13:47Oh, no.
13:47I can't bear Gordon and games.
13:49He's so competitive.
13:51He even has to win at French cricket with the boys.
13:53No.
13:54Dressing up.
13:56Pretending to be someone else.
13:57People do it.
13:58They say it's good for marriages.
14:00Well, we went to a vicar and tarts party once.
14:03I went as the vicar and he went to the Bakewell tarts.
14:07The dog was all over him.
14:10No.
14:10Not for fancy dress parties.
14:12Round the house, every day.
14:15Do you know, there are a lot of people here in Whitbury
14:18doing the chores dressed up as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.
14:20Dorothy?
14:22I suppose I could give it a try.
14:24But what's Gordon going to be?
14:25Toto?
14:26Well, it doesn't have to be from the same thing.
14:29He could be...
14:32Indiana Jones.
14:33Do you know, he can look a bit like Harrison Ford
14:35when I'm on the right pills.
14:40Harold!
14:40Mr Blitters, is it still pen for swimming time?
14:45Yes, but there are rules.
14:46No shouting.
14:48No splashing.
14:49No whistling.
14:50No petting.
14:51And you've got to keep to the left in swimming lanes.
14:54Alright?
14:54Hang on a second.
14:56Didn't I ban you for taking too long to get changed?
15:00I think I did, didn't I?
15:01Out you go, please.
15:03Out.
15:03Out.
15:05Out you go.
15:06It won't take all day.
15:09Right, Carol, what's this apparatus?
15:10Swear you said I was musical, Mr Britterson.
15:13I am.
15:17All right, Carol.
15:18This is reception and you are a receptionist,
15:20not Louis Armstrong.
15:22Get rid of it, please.
15:23Any sign of that juggling, man?
15:24No, Mr Britterson.
15:25Now listen.
15:25You said I was musical, so come over here and turn over for me.
15:29But this time, no tickling.
15:31I beg your pardon?
15:32This morning you tickled me.
15:35Uh, Carol, are you in some sort of conspiracy with Linda?
15:40I do not do tickling.
15:42Matter closed.
15:43All right?
15:43Now, I want you to wear this t-shirt for me, please.
15:46You've been chosen as someone prominent enough to show off the whole logo.
15:53Jugglers do it up in the air.
15:55All right?
15:56Now that is witty, Carol.
15:58So just put it on and make sure the words are at the front, please.
16:01And, Carol, don't cry.
16:03We can't all go on holiday.
16:06He's made you cry, Carol.
16:09Now, I'll tell you the truth.
16:10He's made me cry, too.
16:12Several times.
16:13Jull him!
16:18We're two of a kind, Carol.
16:20Yes, we are.
16:22Have I ever proposed marriage to you, Carol?
16:24Yes, as a matter of fact, you have.
16:26And what did you say?
16:27I said I'd like to, but I couldn't.
16:30Well, fair enough, Carol.
16:32I'd like you to give a bottle of this to everybody who comes into reception, if you would.
16:36Oh!
16:37Hello again.
16:38Madam, may we speak again with your Mr. Brightass, please?
16:41We have spoken with Chattanooga, and we have been authorized to say to Mr. Brightass
16:46that if he will consent to be baptized, he will immediately become an elder of the church
16:50and will be permitted four wives.
16:53I think he's enough trouble just to walk.
16:55Four wives, eh?
16:56He'll be needing my tonic.
16:58Speaking of which, gentlemen, if each of you would like to drink one of these, I'll nip up and see
17:02Mr. Brightass for you personally.
17:04A blessing upon you.
17:08Delicious.
17:08A blessing upon you.
17:21Thank you, Mr. Brightass.
17:35Beautiful music!
17:36Oh, Mr. Briss, is your dress like that again?
17:39Pretty lady of the smorling!
17:41And you're talking like that again?
17:43Oh, you are big and beautiful, pretty lady.
17:47Tell me, what is your boss called?
17:49Well, it's you, Mr. Briss.
17:51Mr. Briss.
17:52Briss? Briss? Briss?
17:54I call him boss, beautiful lady.
17:56I love you, I love Whitbury, I love the...
18:00You don't have no way, Mr. Briss.
18:01Yes, we have a new deal, sir.
18:03Oh, don't be disappointed, he's a very busy man.
18:06But I could pay you a little something while you're waiting.
18:10Suffering, brothers.
18:11The way to heaven.
18:12I am being lost!
18:14Help me, somebody, show me the way!
18:16Hey, pretty lady, only in towel, you show me the way, Briss?
18:22Gordon?
18:23You show me the way.
18:26The boots, the get-up, you're Indiana Jones!
18:30I love it!
18:33No, Indiana, Ruthania!
18:35Ruthania Jones!
18:37You come back tonight, special guest, we make music.
18:41You want to save our marriage, too.
18:44Oh, Gordon!
18:47Oh, it's been a force menu.
18:50It's a truck, too.
18:53Quick, into the cupboard.
18:55Oh, damn, they've had a delivery.
19:02Come on, come back.
19:03Oh, back in there.
19:05Get rid of them.
19:07Oh, go, go, go, go, go.
19:10What are you doing here?
19:11You said you were going to hoover the sitting room.
19:14And you know the rules.
19:16Proper clothes in all corridors at all times.
19:20Dressed skimpily like that, some over 65 could easily take advantage of you.
19:25But...
19:25What is it, my sweet?
19:27But you...
19:29We were...
19:31I think I want to go back to the clinic for more therapy.
19:35You haven't been yourself since I was dead, have you?
19:44Hello?
19:45Hello?
19:47Hello?
19:47Hello?
20:13Oh, Mr. British, you've come to apologize.
20:15Well, you didn't need to dress up, but now you are here, by way of friendship.
20:20Have a drink of this.
20:22Oh, a drink!
20:24Please!
20:26I am Vladimir.
20:27You are red-nosed man.
20:29You drink in cellar.
20:31I drink also.
20:32I know why you're talking like that, Mr. British.
20:35It's because for the first time in your life, you're embarrassed.
20:38Well, you needn't be.
20:39I've never said this before, but I love you, Mr. British.
20:43I love you.
20:45I love you.
20:45I love you, too.
20:48We are brothers.
20:51So, Britannia, join the common market.
20:54Win Eurovision singing contest.
20:57I love Europe, Mr. B.
20:59This stuff will go a bomb in the States.
21:06Very, very good.
21:07Oh, really wonderful, Mr. British.
21:10I love you.
21:10Oh, where do I find, boss?
21:12Time to yuggle.
21:14Where do I find British?
21:15In your office, Mr. British.
21:17Oh.
21:18Oh.
21:21Oh.
21:21Happy birthday.
21:22I go, red-nosed man.
21:24I love you.
21:25Oh.
21:25Happy birthday.
21:28There's too much frog in this.
21:32Foreign and exciting.
21:34And you were in the cupboard.
21:36This is you, is it, Gordon?
21:38I mean, when you say wife, I am your wife, am I?
21:41Very much beloved wife, my sweet.
21:43So, you do still want to seduce me in the towel cupboard?
21:47Not right now, Helen.
21:49I wanted you to revive our marriage.
21:51I wanted you to come to me as something different.
21:54Even a wild animal.
21:57Helen, it's not even lunchtime yet.
22:00Yes, Julie?
22:02The clinic says Mrs. British's tax is on its way, and the Chattanooga church people say
22:07you can be a bishop if you want to and have eight wives.
22:11Julie, tell Mr. Chattanooga I do not want eight wives, thank you very much.
22:16One is quite enough for me.
22:18Oh, Gordon, you do love me.
22:21Kiss me.
22:23Not right now, Helen.
22:24I've got two dozen unicycles to assemble.
22:26They can't afford that.
22:27Give up.
22:28Julie?
22:29I'm on the phone.
22:31I need Collie with his screwdriver, please.
22:33He's in his cubby hole, ringing yourself.
22:35Sorry, I've interrupted.
22:37Then what happened?
22:38This morning, you say?
22:41Hey, British has been here all morning, hasn't he?
22:43Hasn't slept out at all.
22:44Well, I don't know, mind you, I've been asleep.
22:46Julie, where's the, uh...
22:47No, no, I've ever told you all that.
22:48Must have got the wrong person.
22:50Yeah.
22:51Bye.
22:52The Whitbury Times says, is it true that Mr. British gave the kiss of life to a bull terrier
22:57in the underpass this morning?
22:58Well, he wouldn't kiss a dog.
22:59He doesn't like dogs.
23:00And a dog wouldn't kiss him.
23:01Julie, where's that disposable camera thing that was here the other day?
23:03Why?
23:04Well, British has gone mad.
23:05He's dressed up like a Cossack.
23:06He's downstairs now.
23:07No, he isn't.
23:08He's in there with Mrs. B.
23:10But I've just...
23:11Trouble, Julie.
23:11I may have to take over.
23:12British is drunk and he's just goosed three young women in the sports hall, apparently.
23:16Nelson, he's in his office.
23:19Oh, God.
23:21Yes, Julie?
23:22Nothing.
23:23Thank you, Julie.
23:24Time for your maternity leave, I think.
23:26I've got to do it.
23:27It's schizophrenia.
23:29He was all over me by the frozen peas.
23:31Breathing garlic.
23:32Wearing those boots, you see.
23:33But as soon as he puts some magic blazer on, he's British again.
23:37So he thinks he's two people.
23:38Well, he can't think himself into two places at once, can he?
23:41Hang on.
23:42Who's this under the bear?
23:44Penny says he isn't British on the unicycle because he hasn't got that funny little waltzy
23:48thing like British has.
23:49It's the great Vlad.
23:50He looks just like British.
23:52Fancy that?
23:52Not much.
23:53This means Mr. British is in danger.
23:56This man is his doppelganger.
23:57His what?
23:58His double.
23:59Comparative mythology.
24:00The doppelganger's the one that looks just like you.
24:02And when you meet him, face to face, you're dead.
24:06It would be a bit of a shock, wouldn't it?
24:08I mean, if I saw me walking down the street, I don't know what I'd say.
24:10He's nice, you'd say.
24:11He's very nice.
24:12I can't wait to see his face when he sees his other face.
24:14No!
24:15Seeing his doppelganger will kill him.
24:17He's only just been dead anyway.
24:19Come on, Gavin.
24:20We've got to protect him.
24:21Hang on, Linda.
24:22Look, if British dies, I might well get to be manager.
24:24You know, they often appoint internally.
24:26How can you say such a thing?
24:27Well, it's true, isn't it?
24:29Yeah.
24:30You all want him dead.
24:32I'll protect him on my own, then.
24:33There may be a bit of a problem.
24:35My word!
24:37You've changed back quickly.
24:38What is it, Colleen?
24:39There may have been a labelling error.
24:41With what?
24:42Well, the labels were in lovely old Gothic script, you see.
24:45And the word tonic and laxative look very much the same.
24:48That's probably why they stopped using Gothic script, Colleen.
24:51Luckily, only 33 people, including yourself...
24:55I don't want you to die, Mr. Brittis!
24:57Thank you, Linda.
24:58Colleen, guard that door.
24:59No-one's to come in.
25:00Oh, Mr. Brittis, you're not going to believe this.
25:02But you're in my office.
25:04What?
25:04You're not to see him.
25:06Shall I show you under the desk, Mr. Brittis?
25:09Colleen, I never thought I'd say this, but you seem to be the sane one.
25:13What is going on?
25:14Brittis!
25:14Vlad is here!
25:16He's in here!
25:16You mustn't see him!
25:17Linda!
25:18Linda!
25:19Where is Brittis?
25:21Mr. Brittis!
25:22Linda!
25:23Indiana!
25:24I'm in Ruthenia!
25:26Oh, pretty lady in towers!
25:28Hey!
25:31Come in, look out for Mr. Brittis!
25:33Which one?
25:34Gavin!
25:35Yes, Mr. Brittis?
25:36What is going on?
25:38Uh, nobody knows, Mr. Brittis.
25:40I want you to go back to my clinic.
25:42What you need, my darling, is a holiday.
25:45Where are we taking him?
25:47Um, back to the circus.
25:48But they're not in town yet.
25:49We'll take him to the field where they're going to be.
25:51Get on with it!
26:03Carol?
26:04It's right mad enough, Miss Bress, and all because you believed in me.
26:08Mr. Brightass.
26:09Still here, are we?
26:11Shouldn't you be down to reception, Carol?
26:13I'm just getting to the dramatic bit, Miss Bress.
26:15So am I, Carol.
26:16Get down to reception or you're fired.
26:18Yes, Mr....
26:19Mr. Brightass, we...
26:20Carol, we have a problem.
26:22Colin left 33 samples of his laxative on the reception desk
26:25and they've all been drunk by members of the public.
26:28That wouldn't have happened if you'd been on duty.
26:30Sorry, Miss Bress.
26:31Excuse me, Mr. Brightass.
26:32Do you know there's a bear in the car park?
26:34I'm not familiar with it, Gavin, no.
26:36Actually, it doesn't sound like my kind of music.
26:38No, no, no, no.
26:39There's a bear in the car park.
26:41A bear?
26:43Right, ring the fire alarm, Gavin.
26:45Evacuate the building.
26:46Evacuate the building?
26:46Well, that's the car park where the bear is.
26:49You have bears in America, don't you?
26:51I'm not in the city of Chattanooga as such.
26:54Right, brown alert, Carol.
26:56Gavin, initiate emergency plan Alpha 10.
26:58Alpha 10?
26:59That's the one for big cats, lions, tigers.
27:01It's the nearest we've got, Gavin.
27:02The one where we all jump in the pool.
27:04Precisely.
27:05All in the pool, you lot.
27:06But Mr. Brightass, bear's like water.
27:08Gavin, you're thinking of honey.
27:12Everyone in the pool, please.
27:14That includes you, Mrs. Bigman, in the pool, please.
27:17Right.
27:17I know this is fun, and yes, we will be having a sing-song later while our attendants come
27:23round with the merchandise, but there is a serious reason to us all being in the pool
27:28together like this.
27:29There is a large brown bear loose in the centre.
27:35I repeat, there's a large...
27:38All right, everyone.
27:40Put your heads under the water.
27:41You may not see us.
27:46Faster!
27:48Faster, Gordon!
27:50Faster!
27:51Oh, my darling, that's not me!
27:56Oh, my darling, I ask, in the name of the First National Church of Chattanooga, I baptize
28:01thee once, and twice.
28:11Hello, pretty lady.
28:14Always I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:18You are perfect.
28:38I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:39I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:40I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:40I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:40I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:40I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:42I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:42I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:42I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:42I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:44I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:46I am being told that English ladies are the best.
28:47I am being told that English ladies are the best.
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