- 1 day ago
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00:23300 cubits long by 50 cubits wide
00:28by 30 cubits high
00:31higher than Mr. Brittus' office
00:36with three decks and stairs
00:38so that the animals can go out two by two
00:40to spend a penny and be sick
00:42they have pennies on the ark
00:43and I've worked out a seating plan
00:46mammals over there
00:47reptiles up the front
00:49fish along here
00:50with the sharks separated from the nice fish of course
00:53you don't need to put fish on the ark
00:55they can stay in the sea
00:57well what's the flood to a fish
00:59there's more room to swim around in
01:00Julie you have a brain
01:03and you see why that young man of yours wants to marry you
01:06oh him yeah
01:07the fish can stay in the sea
01:09and I don't have to have the whales on board
01:11there'll be more room
01:12the chickens can be free range
01:15Julie in two minutes from now
01:16you'll be one minute late for work
01:18yeah and in three months time
01:20some people have spent 38 years being thick as a brick
01:24thank you Julie
01:25and it's 37
01:28Mr. Brittus
01:28as you know
01:29I've been helping Linda's Bible class
01:31with their project about Noah's ark
01:33I've laid out the dimensions
01:34so that the children can see how big it was
01:36Colin
01:37but with your permission
01:38I would like to launch a small scale model
01:40I have made of the ark in the pool
01:42Colin
01:42I've filled out all the forms Mr. Brittus
01:44in top's simplicate
01:45Colin
01:46what do you see before you
01:48I see you Mr. Brittus
01:50God's gift to the leisure industry
01:52Colin
01:53I could see a whole load of old rubbish over there
01:55supermarket trolleys
01:57car wheels
01:58bicycle tyres
01:59we had the travellers in here last night
02:00hundreds of them
02:01did we
02:02now that explains why there was all that underwear
02:04on the rose bushes this morning
02:05left in a hurry did they
02:07they certainly did
02:08when I threw them out
02:09get it cleared up players
02:11oh you're not looking at that one of me
02:13in my beach pyjamas
02:14with my sunburned nose
02:15I look awful
02:15I'm going to throw it away
02:17no no no
02:17you look lovely
02:18do I?
02:19oh it's not even my good side
02:21the other side's my good side
02:22look
02:22if you hold it up to the light
02:23you can see my good side
02:25oh welcome to the new town
02:27how may I help you
02:28it's me Carol
02:29oh sorry Mr. Brittus
02:30I'm free now aren't I
02:31yes there's no one left for counselling today
02:33good
02:33good
02:34Carol
02:34my last client
02:35when he left
02:35did he walk all hunched up
02:37head down
02:38jabbering to himself
02:39yes Mr. Brittus
02:40good
02:40good
02:40he's getting better
02:43funny thing about the twins Carol
02:45oh I know
02:46it's the flash that frightened them
02:47but look you can see their little eyes from underneath the sofa
02:50and actually their eyes
02:51their eyes are blue
02:52not red
02:53no no not that one
02:54this one of them in profile
02:55they remind me of someone
02:57oh do they really
02:58royalty perhaps
02:59or Cliff Richard
03:01well no oddly enough
03:02they look like Mr. Brittus
03:04Mr. Brittus
03:05they look nothing like Mr. Brittus
03:06what a stupid thing to say
03:07I'm sorry but they do
03:08they look like Mr. Brittus
03:09no they don't
03:10they haven't even got blazers on
03:12dare you
03:13I'm sorry but they do look like Mr.
03:15they do not look like Mr. Brittus
03:16my twins have beautiful round faces
03:18Mr. Brittus has a great big craggy sort of face
03:20morning Carol
03:21oh Mr. Brittus
03:22I was talking about another Mr. Brittus
03:23and Mr. Brittus with a great big craggy sort of face
03:26Carol are you planning a nervous collapse
03:28there's a procedure for that sort of thing
03:30er Mr. Brittus
03:31good news from the pool
03:32the urine content's down to 9%
03:36good man Gavit
03:37meeting in 10 minutes please
03:38Mr. Brittus
03:39just before you go Mr. Brittus
03:40could I see your profile
03:41could you turn to the side Mr. Brittus
03:42Carol I'm a very busy man
03:43I don't have time to turn my head to one side
03:46cockroach Mr. Brittus
03:46ah
03:47oh it's true
03:49it's not true
03:50there is no cockroach Carol
03:52this is a cockroach free zone
03:53you're seeing things again
03:55it's a nightmare
03:55it's the end of the world
03:58Carol that's a stupid newspaper talk
04:00because of the millennium
04:01cockroaches taking over
04:03global warming
04:04sea levels rising
04:05it'll take a pretty high tide to reach here Carol
04:08how am I going to live with myself
04:10Carol you don't have to live with yourself
04:12you've got Ben
04:13and just look at those lovely twins
04:16their father must be a very proud man whoever he is
04:21head to marry him
04:23tails adult
04:25best of three
04:26head to marry him
04:27tails adult
04:29best of five
04:30Jenny
04:32I'm busy I'm planning me life
04:35come in here with your nose pad and pencil please
04:40what now
04:41right Julie take a note please
04:43I'm afraid Carol is having some sort of nervous collapse
04:47she's to have counselling sessions with Mrs. Brittus
04:49not a bit like taking coals to Newcastle
04:52deduct it from her wages please
04:55right Julie
04:56what is today
04:58the 22nd Julie
05:00it is seven years to the day since we opened this centre
05:03and I took the reins of what has become a leading player in the leisure centre industry
05:09Julie
05:10see those two flies on the window
05:12if the one on the right gets to the top first I'll marry him
05:14Julie
05:15good stuff
05:16I'll tell that as I know what
05:17look you spent weeks trying to make up your mind Julie
05:20why don't you just marry the man
05:21how can a marry a man I can't stand
05:23treat it as a challenge Julie
05:25many women do
05:26lucky for you they do
05:29I was locking up and there they were
05:31all over the car park
05:32gypsies
05:33so I phoned Mr. Brittus at home
05:35and he was in the middle of making a keggery for some people he'd got coming to dinner
05:38but he came straight round and he was amazing
05:41he just turned them out by sheer force of personality
05:44you mean he bore them to death until they left
05:47but then this old gypsy woman stepped forward
05:49like Mother Teresa with a moustache
05:52and she pointed two fingers at him
05:53like that
05:54oh please
05:54and she put a curse on him
05:56the guest who eats food from your hand
05:59shall die like a dog in a ditch
06:03the guest who eats food from
06:05hey
06:07what if he eats a sandwich he made himself
06:08there's every chance he'll die like a dog in a ditch
06:10I like it
06:12I don't believe in curses of course
06:14well nor do I of course
06:15morning all
06:16or should I say happy birthday
06:18here you come Julie
06:20ta-da
06:22congratulations to us all on seven glorious years here at Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre
06:27it is seven years to the day since the first member of public came through those hello portals
06:32and you threw him out Mr. Brittus
06:35he was wearing unauthorised water wings Gabby
06:39attention to detail my middle name
06:41come on Linda
06:41come on Linda bow the candles out please
06:44right now make a wish
06:45oh I wish
06:47you wish we could all work here forever as a happy team
06:50quite right Linda
06:52right now slice of cake anyone
06:54oh lovely
06:56right let me hand it to you personally
06:59what?
06:59what?
07:00I made it myself
07:02you made it
07:03I did
07:04be my guest
07:05guest
07:05uh
07:06well perhaps not
07:07a bit of a tummy upset actually Mr. Brittus
07:10Linda
07:10come on
07:11made it me own fair round
07:12could I have mine later
07:13I had a big breakfast
07:15anyone would think it was poisonous
07:16see
07:17um
07:18I'm allergic
07:19to candles
07:20I'll have a slice
07:21no you're slimming Julie
07:22I am not
07:23I lost weight having the baby
07:25what was that
07:26what's that smell
07:28I'm sorry I'm late Mr. Brittus
07:31don't worry about the explosions
07:33I discovered a nasty build up of methane gas in the main stench pipe
07:37I've been down there
07:39rigged up a pilot light
07:40and there will be controlled detonations throughout the day
07:43well Colin
07:44just this once
07:45top management approves your action
07:46thank you very much Mr. Brittus
07:48I've also taken the precaution of putting these little birds around the place
07:51to test for foul hair
07:53Colin
07:54we're celebrating seven years of Whitbury
07:56everyone's having cake
07:58thank you very much Mr. Brittus
07:59don't touch it
08:00uh
08:01not in those gloves
08:02I mean
08:02point taken Linda
08:04I'll take it
08:05I'll put it in my pocket
08:07and I'll enjoy it later after I've grown out the main sludge filter
08:13well
08:13I must say
08:14I'm a bit disappointed
08:15as any cook would be
08:17nobody having my cake
08:18Mr. Brittus
08:19you're eating cake
08:21that's right Linda
08:22never seen a man eating cake before
08:24what are you all staring at
08:27nah
08:30you've been telling them about the gypsy curse haven't you
08:32oh we don't believe it
08:34you were worried I was gonna die
08:36well I haven't
08:38it's early days yep Mr. Brittus
08:41the question I've always wanted to know the answer to is
08:44why did I ever say yes to going out with Gordon in the first place
08:51you're a yes sort of person
08:53you're a yes sort of person that says yes and you always will be
08:58always you mean I can't change
09:00well what's the point in all this then
09:03I've been 30 quid an hour and you can't change people
09:06it's a racket it's daylight robbery
09:09just practicing staff training
09:11um is there a client waiting for me
09:13yes it's me
09:14oh
09:15I've put my name down in the book
09:17I've come to talk about my twins
09:20and their father
09:22oh Carol you're not still trying to find him are you
09:25he could be anyone anywhere
09:27the twins are three now Miss Brittus
09:29and do you remember three years and
09:31exactly nine months ago
09:32we all went to a New Year's fancy dress party at Julie's
09:35and Colin won first prize as fungus the bogeyman
09:38and he wasn't even dressed up
09:40I went up to the bedroom to fetch a tissue from my coat
09:44it was dark
09:45a man came in
09:46he said nothing
09:47he was very tender and romantic and loving
09:51and I've never regretted a moment of it Miss Brittus
09:53nor should you
09:54it was a beautiful thing
09:58I think it might have been Mr Brittus Miss Brittus
10:02my Gordon
10:03Carol surely not
10:05he was dressed as King Kong Miss Brittus
10:07what was Mr Brittus dressed as?
10:08well King Kong as it happens
10:10but Gordon wasn't the only gorilla
10:12like there were several tigers
10:13no there were only two tigers
10:14I was dressed as a tiger and you were dressed as a tiger
10:17I now realise that he thought I was you
10:19Carol I'm sure you're imagining things
10:21he wasn't being tender and loving and romantic with me Miss Brittus
10:24he thought he was making love to you
10:25I'm sure you're wrong
10:26I saw him in the garden talking to a pillar box
10:28no no no
10:29that's from Gavin
10:30nine months later I had twins Miss Brittus
10:32you've had twins
10:34Mr Brittus is a twin
10:35twins run in the family
10:36now look at my twins Miss Brittus
10:38look at their profiles
10:43I've been dreading this moment Carol
10:47I've always suspected
10:48that it might be Gordon too
10:52I didn't mean to steal your husband
10:55I know you didn't
10:56it was just
10:58one of those gorillas that pass in the night
11:02I thought that gorilla loved me
11:05for myself
11:07but he didn't
11:08he loved you
11:10which means nobody loves me Miss Brittus
11:16even though you're the other woman
11:20you'll have to be told you know
11:25yes
11:25what
11:27oh Beryl
11:28yes I'm so glad you come to dinner last night too
11:31what
11:32a bit of a crisis
11:33oh have you
11:35Harold
11:36oh you mean he's ill
11:38he's dead
11:39he won't be dead
11:42the pedgery
11:44well Gordon made it
11:45of course he washes his hands
11:47Gordon's very careful
11:49he doesn't make silly mistakes
11:51Gordon always knows what he's doing
11:54mostly he does
11:57Gavin
11:58I've made the decision about this cake
12:00we'll flog it to the public
12:0250p a slice
12:03is that really wise Mr. Brittus
12:05Gavin there is nothing wrong with this cake
12:07gypsy curse
12:08she had a mobile phone
12:11no
12:11not the goldfish
12:13all that curse nonsense
12:14it's in the mind Gavin
12:15that old goldy here doesn't have a mind
12:17he's lucky
12:18look at him he loves it
12:21I've got to talk to Colin
12:22should be here in three minutes time
12:24I'm sorry I'm early Mr. Brittus
12:26the children are here for the launching
12:28Colin you're not putting live animals
12:30from children's corner
12:31on that ark are you
12:32I don't want them moving their bowels
12:34in the pool
12:34no Mr. Brittus
12:36the children are putting
12:37their little toy animals
12:38on the ark
12:38two by two
12:40and I want a written report
12:41about this marsh gas problem please
12:43it's caused by a massive
12:44impacted excreta
12:46Mr. Brittus
12:46in the U-bend
12:48have it on my desk by midday please
12:51well called Mr. Brittus
12:52a rapid in newspaper
12:54I think he meant the report Colin
12:56hey hey this canary's dead
12:57marsh gas
12:58the air's not fit to breathe
13:00everyone stop breathing
13:01it's nothing to do there
13:02it's those cake crumbs
13:04you gave you off the floor
13:04Mr. Brittus's cake is above suspicion
13:07oh really
13:08well we only had two or three crumbs
13:12I suppose my husband's in his office
13:14you all right Mrs. Brittus
13:17I'm in a state of shock
13:19in fact I'm in two states of shock
13:21at the same time
13:22I'm sorry
13:26hello twinnies
13:27I'm just looking at you
13:29Mrs. Brittus
13:30we have a major problem
13:32with Mr. Brittus
13:33we may have to restrain him
13:34it's a bit late for that
13:41now who's toy can be Mr. Noah
13:42Batman
13:43yeah Batman's the nearest
13:45he's got a cloak to keep out the rain
13:46and Mrs. Noah can be Cindy
13:49yep
13:50and we've got two teddies
13:51and one My Little Pony from Laura
13:53oh there's Uncle Colin
13:55hello children
13:57hello Uncle Colin
13:58this is serious Colin
14:00what are we going to do
14:00one thing at a time Gavin
14:02shall we do the launching down
14:03at this end Uncle Colin
14:04no I think we'll do it down
14:05at this end Auntie Linda
14:06and I'll tell you why
14:07so that we can slide the arc
14:09down the slide
14:11and it can go loose into the water
14:13like a lifeboat being launched
14:14right
14:15round you come
14:19oh there's the thunder
14:21it's going to rain for 40 days
14:23and 40 nights
14:25not really
14:26not real rain
14:30upstairs at Julie's party
14:32I thought it was you
14:34well it wasn't
14:35it was Carol
14:36I was downstairs
14:38washing up plastic cups
14:39because I'd run out
14:40making myself useful
14:41but it was you on those coats
14:43I recognised you
14:44the stripes on your flank
14:45Carol's costume
14:46came from the same shop
14:48but they were your whiskers
14:49they tickled
14:50it was Carol's whiskers
14:52Gordon
14:52it was Carol
14:54but you led me on
14:55you swished your tail
14:57it was Carol
14:58you swished her tail
14:59God
15:00is that all it takes
15:00to make you beat your chest
15:03I beat my chest
15:04did I
15:05she says you did
15:08if only I'd gone as the tin man
15:10none of this would have happened
15:12now the rain's coming down
15:14and it's filled the whole pool
15:15and it's time to launch the arc
15:17Uncle Colin
15:18bye teddies
15:19bye Batman
15:20bye Cindy
15:21bye
15:21I name this ship
15:23Noah's Ark
15:24God bless her
15:25and all who sail in her
15:34maybe I should have
15:35shut the portals
15:37so that's five children
15:39you've got
15:40including Carol's two
15:41and our three
15:43we've got four children
15:45Helen
15:46alright
15:46making six
15:48and then there's Ben
15:49nothing to think about
15:51I wish I was dead
15:52oh that reminds me
15:53did you wash your hands
15:54before you made the kedgeery
15:55last night
15:56because one of our dinner guests
15:57isn't very well
15:59Harold
15:59he's not well at all
16:02in fact he's dead
16:04what?
16:06go away I'm busy
16:07go away I'm busy
16:08go away I'm busy
16:08they're not doing anything
16:09yes they are
16:10I'm listening to what's going on in there
16:11now that's not right Julie
16:13there is such a thing as executive privacy
16:15what is going on in there?
16:17learned your own business
16:18what do you want?
16:19I've got an appointment with you
16:20at 11 o'clock
16:22councillor what sits here
16:23tell him to wait
16:26there's nothing wrong with that kedgeery
16:28I washed the rice myself
16:29well you managed to kill your best friend
16:32this is not a very good morning for me Helen
16:36it's only 11 o'clock
16:39Carol wasn't just my best friend
16:41it was my only friend
16:44look out Carol then
16:47I told you Helen
16:48at that moment
16:49I was worshipping you
16:51with my body
16:51well you missed
16:54and there's bound to be a post-mortem
16:56on Carol?
16:57on Harold
16:59this is a nightmare
17:01I'm sending councillor Druggerton
17:02he's in me way
17:05I'd better go back to Carol
17:06try and repair your damage
17:08Helen look
17:09I'm right behind you
17:10from now on
17:11I want you to stay
17:11right in front of me
17:12where I can see what you're doing
17:17Gordon
17:19congratulations
17:21seven glorious years
17:23I'm sorry councillor
17:24I've just had two bits of bad news
17:26well it's good news now
17:29we're giving you early retirement
17:32early retirement?
17:33yes that's right
17:34end of the month
17:34off you go to the golf course
17:35or whatever
17:36early retirement
17:37I'm a young man Jack
17:38that's the beauty of it
17:39you'll get 40 or 50 years of retirement
17:42and we drew lots
17:43your name came out of the hat
17:44well budgets being what they are
17:46someone had to go
17:47all the names went in
17:48mine included
17:50out came yours
17:52you one
17:53you lucky man
17:55this has not been a very good morning for me Jack
17:57and it's only two minutes past eleven
17:59here's your coffee
18:02what a morning
18:05wonderful
18:06oh biscuits
18:07yes I'll have a biscuit
18:08oh Mr. British made those
18:09there's some sort of curse on them
18:11biscuit making
18:12oh grand retirement hobby
18:15good old Gordon
18:16can I have two?
18:17be my guest
18:20birth
18:20death
18:20early retirement
18:22what else is there?
18:23what's the trouble Gordon?
18:24it's like I'm having a terrible dream
18:26only I know I'm not dreaming
18:28I've still got me trousers on
18:30nonsense
18:31today is the first day
18:34of the rest of your life
18:36and mine
18:37by the way
18:38these are delicious
18:40now then
18:41if you can just sign
18:43there
18:44there
18:45and there
18:45your pension
18:46and uh
18:47oh yes
18:48I hope you don't mind
18:49but um
18:49I've got to take the nameplate
18:51off your door
18:52oh they want to put it
18:53on the golf trolley
18:54they're giving you
18:55oh
18:55what a giveaway
19:02I don't think it deserves this
19:04there'll be some changes here Julie
19:06if you want to keep your job
19:08oh
19:09oh dear my stomach
19:10oh my head
19:11oh my head
19:12my heart
19:14oh
19:14it's all self with you
19:16isn't it?
19:17me
19:17isn't it?
19:18you think it's got the problem
19:20haven't you?
19:21do you think I should get married?
19:22er
19:22could I have a glass of water?
19:24you don't need a glass of water
19:25just say yes or no
19:26well they do say
19:28these things come in threes
19:29Helen
19:30early retirement of course
19:32means he'll have more time
19:33to spend with the children
19:35and more children
19:36to spend my time with
19:37yes
19:39of course
19:40I'll be able to attend
19:40Harold's funeral
19:41so not everything's gloomy
19:43Miss Bitter
19:43hang on a second
19:45what is it Julie?
19:46it's Councillor Druggett
19:47what about him?
19:48he's dead
19:49of course he's not dead
19:50well he's sat in there
19:51as stiff as a ramrod
19:52with his eyes closed
19:53well maybe he's just dropped off
19:55that's right
19:56he's just dropped off his perch
19:58Mr.Bittles would never kill anyone
19:59especially not a councillor
20:02he has too much respect
20:04for local government
20:05Colin
20:06the facts are staring you in the face
20:08Druggett ate the biscuit
20:09he's dead
20:10British's guest
20:11ate the ketjuri
20:12and he's dead
20:13the goldfish
20:14and the canary
20:15they ate the cake crumbs
20:16and they're dead
20:17Marsh gas is very strange stuff
20:18Gavin
20:19it builds up
20:20it forms pockets
20:21you're not telling me
20:22that marsh gas
20:23made pockets in the ketjuri
20:24last night
20:25I wouldn't put it past it
20:27it's marsh gas
20:28that's causing
20:28the greenhouse effect
20:29the sea level's rising
20:31level in the swimming pools rising
20:32and look at that cup of tea
20:34I've been sipping up that
20:35all day
20:36and it's still full
20:37well that pipe's dripping
20:38Colin
20:40I thought it had a fun taste
20:42Colin
20:43British is killing people
20:44killing people who accept food from him
20:47tomorrow's the start of Whitbury senior citizen week
20:50we're doing the Derby and Joan tea party
20:52British is making the Pilchard sandwiches
20:55it'll be a massacre
20:57my word
20:59look at that
20:59the build up of pressure in the toilet
21:01is almost out of control
21:02this could be the big one
21:04we could pebble dash five counties
21:06Colin
21:07I'm talking mass murder here
21:09so am I
21:10I'm going to have to get greased up
21:11and crawl down that stench pipe
21:15wish me luck
21:17it's like talking to a lavatory wall
21:21a fine man
21:23and a great councillor
21:24deeply missed
21:25much born
21:27still it's an ill wind
21:29so when you think about it
21:30it's councillor Druggett
21:31that's taken ill every time
21:32and
21:32please Julie
21:33no flippancy
21:34at this very sad juncture
21:36no he's gone
21:37so you won't have to
21:40that
21:40is a very good point Julie
21:42things are looking up
21:43I won't need this anymore
21:44that's for sure
21:47is that my cake
21:50someone's thrown my cake away Julie
21:52I baked that cake with my own hand
21:55with the finest ingredients
21:56what happens
21:56someone chucks it away
21:58well at least the birds can have it
21:59oh are you sure
22:00don't you think we'll get a lot of dead birds on our hands
22:02yeah it's a lot of mumbo jumbo
22:04in fact it's jumbo mumbo jumbo
22:06tell you what
22:08if an even number of birds
22:10falls out of the sky
22:10I'll marry him
22:18Carol
22:21I don't really know what to say Carol
22:24it's not like you Miss Priest
22:27I think from now on
22:28you should call me Gordon
22:31thank you
22:32Gordon
22:34perhaps you'd like to call me
22:36Tigger
22:39I don't think so Carol
22:41that's what I call Mrs. Britters
22:45about Julie's party Carol
22:47I'm afraid I'd had a drink
22:50I'd had several units of fruit cup
22:54look I just want to say
22:55no please don't miss Britters
22:57those caresses were meant for somebody else
22:59Miss Britters
22:59they were meant for Mrs. Britters
23:01Miss Britters
23:03I meant those caresses at the time Carol
23:06whoever was on the receiving end
23:07thank you Miss Britters
23:11I suppose I'm a sort of surrogate mother
23:13Miss Britters
23:14and a very wonderful surrogate mother Carol
23:17and my surrogate children in
23:19I've just sent the children
23:22our children
23:23to play school
23:24I gave them banana sandwiches
23:26I hope that meets with your approval
23:27on brown bread I trust
23:29of course Miss Britters
23:30one more thing Carol
23:33have you told
23:34our children
23:36who their father is
23:37no
23:38I thought I'd wait till they were 40
23:40and both sitting down
23:43quite right Carol
23:46they can call me Uncle Gordon till then
23:50oh by the way
23:51I plan on buying them each
23:53a premium bond
23:57look who it is
23:58Mrs. Britters
24:01well
24:01I think the one thing
24:03that's definite
24:05is that we should all
24:06stick together
24:06for the sake of the children
24:08yes
24:09I've just got to go
24:10to the office
24:12I'll see you later
24:13my darling
24:14alright darling
24:19yes
24:19it's I know
24:20you fought in the war
24:21so you know
24:22how to make your own sandwiches
24:23yes
24:24oh we have to come in
24:25the back way
24:25the place is full of
24:26dead birds out there
24:27we didn't find the gypsies
24:29not even on the bypass
24:30right so we can't get
24:31the gypsies to lift the curse
24:33so we've got to find
24:33some other way
24:34of getting Britters
24:34out of harm's way
24:35maroon him on a desert island
24:37except without any
24:38Shakespeare
24:38a bible
24:39or any records
24:41lock him in that space
24:42under the swimming pool
24:43where the stench pipe starts
24:45yes
24:45he's not going to go down
24:46there without a fight
24:47well we'll reason with him
24:48he's a reasonable man
24:49Colin I'm sorry
24:50you'll just have to deal
24:51with it yourself
24:51I'm facing a mutiny here
24:53bye
24:55Gavin
24:55I am the captain
24:57of this ship
24:57oh come on Mr British
24:58you know it makes sense
24:59do you want to go down
25:00in history as a mass murderer
25:01look I'm not going
25:02into any space
25:03under any pool
25:03it's for the good
25:04of victory Mr British
25:06I'm sorry Mr British
25:07but if you won't go quietly
25:09then I am taking command
25:11of this leisure centre
25:12is this your ruler
25:13yes
25:14then your command
25:16is at an end
25:17Linda
25:18your citizens are at
25:19your nix British
25:20no I am not
25:21you are
25:22Mr British
25:23what is it Julie
25:24I'm busy
25:26the police have come
25:27about your kedgery
25:28they want to see you
25:29outside
25:29sorry to say this
25:30Mr British
25:31but we have to evacuate
25:31the building
25:32Colin we practice
25:33evacuating the building
25:35at 11 o'clock
25:35on Tuesdays
25:36people of Whitbury
25:37set their watches by it
25:39this isn't a practice
25:40Mr British
25:40this is the real thing
25:41she's about to blow
25:43you have 30 seconds
25:45right I'm resuming command
25:47so this is an official crisis
25:49yeah when isn't it
25:49ring the police
25:50the police are here
25:51clear the building
25:52Linda get the public out please
25:54where are Teddy
25:54what
25:55there's only one all day
25:56and you threw him out
25:57oh well done British
25:58seven eight years ago
25:59you threw out the first punch
26:00and now you've thrown out the last
26:01well he was petting in the pool
26:08right as soon as a set the guns up
26:10I want all these dead birds disposed
26:12watch out that goose
26:13he's heading straight for us
26:28not now Helen
26:31or is it Carol
26:32it's the heart work
26:34Mr British
26:36you're alright now Mr British
26:37you're on my heart
26:39I've been secretly building it
26:41in the car park
26:42we're afloat
26:43we're safe
26:46what in the pool you mean
26:48on the ocean Mr British
26:49hello Gordon
26:51we're your wives
26:52you're going to be
26:53everyone's father now
26:54we've got to repopulate the world
26:57have you drawn up a roster
27:02where's my blazer
27:03what's this dressing gown thing
27:05I've got to go Mr Noah
27:07we've got a build up of droppings
27:08in the bilge
27:09that's the good news
27:11the bad news is
27:12the woodworm have escaped
27:13they're breeding like flies
27:14and they're starving
27:15abandon ship
27:16to the lifeboat
27:17women and children
27:18first
27:19tickets please
27:19can I have your tickets please
27:20what do you mean tiggies
27:22tickets
27:23can I have your tickets please
27:24tickets please
27:25come on Gordon
27:26wake up
27:30where am I
27:31Bells and Junction
27:3310 minutes to Whitbury
27:3410 minutes to Whitbury
27:35tickets please
27:35the freshmen
27:36last chance for a cup of coffee
27:38if you want
27:38welcome
27:40Jackies
27:40a cup of tea please
27:41thank you
27:43Ellen
27:44I've just had this amazing dream
27:45with all these people in it
27:47you fell asleep
27:48right in the middle of me
27:49talking to you
27:50maybe don't do that
27:51at your interview
27:52you're never going to get
27:53this Whitbury job
27:53if you don't concentrate
28:00now they're bound to ask you
28:02this one
28:02they always do
28:03why do you want the job
28:04as manager of Whitbury
28:06Newtown Leisure Centre
28:08why do I want the job
28:10I want the job Helen
28:11because
28:13because
28:15I have a dream
28:16I want the job
28:58I want the job
28:58I want the job
28:58I want the job
28:59I want the job
28:59I want the job
29:00I want the job
29:04I want the job
29:05I want the job
29:06I want the job
29:07You
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