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00:24And can I ask you all to keep an eye open for unauthorised use of the disabled facilities?
00:30Only last week I caught a perfectly healthy member of the over-60s aerobic club using the facilities illicitly.
00:36She was in no way disabled.
00:38She is now.
00:39You pushed her down the stairs.
00:40I didn't push her, Tim. She lost her footing whilst trying to evade capture.
00:44She's in a wheelchair.
00:45She's in a wheelchair now, Judy, yes.
00:47And if she does come into the centre in her wheelchair, she's perfectly at liberty to use the disabled facility.
00:53The builders have left, Mr. Brittis. They've replaced the partition wall that Mrs. Boscombe crashed through.
00:58Well done, Gavin.
00:59Creep.
01:00Right, now, before we go on to our duties, ongoing communication skills.
01:05Why do we have to keep on doing this?
01:07Because it's ongoing, Tim. It goes on.
01:09And on, and on.
01:11Right, now, module 14, body language.
01:14What was module 13?
01:15Learning to listen.
01:16Oh, I think I missed that. Did anyone take any notes?
01:19Linda, just shut it, will you, and pay attention.
01:21Right. Now, module 14, body language, establishing a report non-verbally.
01:28Look, can I be excused at this point? Because doing body language when you're pregnant is like talking with your
01:32mouth full.
01:34Did you just sit down, please, and let's all look at Mrs. Bidmead's body?
01:38I beg your pardon.
01:40Colin, what do you see?
01:42From here, Mr. Bidmead's body is saying, I don't want to be here. I'm on the defensive. I'm fed up.
01:52She's giving out all the wrong messages.
01:55Who says they're wrong?
01:57I've got the sort of...
01:58What is the point of all this?
01:59Oh, I'll tell you what the point is, Tim.
02:02The point is communication.
02:03Here we are in a leisure centre.
02:05We have to make people feel relaxed.
02:07Our job is to understand what people's bodies are saying to us,
02:10and our bodies have to say in return, welcome, relax, feel at ease.
02:14Now, can I have a volunteer, please?
02:16Right you are, Mr. Brittas.
02:18Perhaps I'll have a different volunteer.
02:20Anyone?
02:22Come on, then, Colleen.
02:25Right.
02:25Sit down, please, Colleen.
02:28Pay attention, everyone, because remember, your body is never silent.
02:31I'm sorry about that, Mr. Brittas.
02:35I didn't think anyone would notice.
02:37Colin, I'm talking non-verbally here.
02:39Sorry, Mr. Brittas.
02:47What are we going to do, Mr. Brittas?
02:49We're doing it, Colleen.
02:51Doing what?
02:53Tell him, Gary.
02:54You're matching and mirroring, Mr. Brittas.
02:57I'm matching and mirroring, Colleen.
02:59Amazing.
03:01What's that, then?
03:03It's a technique to put people at their ease.
03:06Oh.
03:13Do you feel at ease now, Colleen?
03:15I expect I will do shortly, Mr. Brittas.
03:23That wasn't me, Mr. Brittas.
03:25Nobody said it was, Colleen.
03:27Miss Riss, I'm so sorry to disturb you.
03:28Did you hear a noise?
03:29It wasn't Colleen, Carol.
03:31Not that sort of noise.
03:32It crashed.
03:32I think it was the roof.
03:34I didn't hear any crashing sound.
03:35Oh, I did.
03:37All right, all right, Colleen.
03:38Go and check it out, please.
03:39We'll call Mr. Brittas.
03:42Carol?
03:43Perhaps you'd like to give us a demonstration, please?
03:46Sorry, Miss Brittas.
03:47You are on the front line of our operation, Carol.
03:50Imagine I'm a member of the public.
03:51Show us how you welcome me.
03:55Welcome to Whitbury Newtown Letter Centre.
03:56How may I help you?
03:58Very good, Carol.
04:00Verbally spot on.
04:01But your body is letting you down.
04:03I'm sorry, Miss Brittas.
04:06Try it again, Carol.
04:07This time, welcome me with your body.
04:11Yes, Miss Brittas.
04:13Welcome to Whitbury Newtown Letter Centre.
04:15How may I help you?
04:18Right.
04:19Yeah, yeah.
04:20Very good, Carol.
04:21Right, now, Linda, perhaps I could use your body for a while, please.
04:39We want you to feel at home here.
04:41You see?
04:42We want you to feel at home here.
04:45Now, what am I doing?
04:46You're stroking Linda's knee.
04:49Wrong, Tim.
04:50I'm anchoring.
04:51Anchoring after what?
04:53Not hankering, Julie.
04:55Anchoring, as in ship's anchor.
04:57It's another little technique we learn on management training course, don't we, Gabby?
05:01Yes, Mr. Brittas.
05:02Yes, Mr. Brittas.
05:03Are you saying we should grab people's legs to make them feel at home?
05:06Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
05:08You haven't even grasped the fundamentals, have you, Julie?
05:10No.
05:11Neither have I.
05:12And quite frankly, Mr. Brittas, I'm not prepared to grasp anyone's fundamentals.
05:18Oh, Colin, have you got a minute?
05:20Not really, Mrs. Brittas.
05:21Look, do you know where Gordon is?
05:23He's in the restroom giving a fascinating talk about your body.
05:26I must go.
05:28Oh, Colin, you know about plants, don't you?
05:30Well, I do have green fingers, you know.
05:32Do you think you could look after these for me?
05:33Find somewhere to put them?
05:34My pleasure, Mrs. Brittas.
05:36My, my, that is an interesting little chap.
05:39It looks very like somnium somnorum.
05:42Oh, I don't know what it is.
05:43I think I found it in some market.
05:44If I'm right, it's from the rainforests of South America.
05:47The Bakaku Indians.
05:50Use it as a sort of sedative or tranquiliser.
05:52Hmm, perhaps ought to keep some handy.
05:56I wonder if I might avail myself of a leaf.
05:58Oh, yeah.
05:58See if it settles my digestive problems.
06:01There is a rather fanciful story that the Bakaku
06:05use it to induce a sort of trance-like state.
06:08Really?
06:11Don't worry, Mrs. Brittas, I'll pop it down to my office later.
06:13It'll feel at home there.
06:15Ah, Mr. Brittas, can I have a word?
06:17Yes, Colin, you can have a word,
06:19but I'd also like to see you do things with your body.
06:22My office.
06:25Another example of, Gavin, non-verbal communication.
06:28Another example of crawling to the management.
06:30Whose teachers pet them?
06:32Oh, Tim, you're just being silly.
06:33It's one of the things we learn on management training courses.
06:36Actually, I find them quite interesting.
06:37Oh, do you?
06:38A few months ago, you'd have found it as ridiculous as I do,
06:41but you've changed.
06:42You're a boss's man now.
06:43It gets on my nerves.
06:44I can give you an official reprimand for that remark.
06:46Have you got a tissue?
06:47Yes, I have, thanks.
06:50It's not actually Ben's birthday,
06:52but we're having the party today.
06:53You're having a birthday party in there?
06:55Yes, but please don't tell anyone.
06:57Mrs. Brittas hasn't actually approved the guest list.
06:59Ben's so looking forward to it.
07:00It's fancy dress.
07:02Oh, lovely.
07:03Any particular theme?
07:04Oh, yes.
07:05It's an ugly bug ball.
07:07I've sewn Ben into a pillowcase.
07:09He's going as a chrysalis.
07:10He's in there pupating at the moment.
07:19Right, Julie, the memo to counsellor drug it in septuplicit, please.
07:23You what?
07:23Seven of them.
07:24Do you think I've got better things to do?
07:26Thank you, Julie.
07:27Right, Colin, sit down, please.
07:29Thank you, Mr. Brittas.
07:30Now, about the roof...
07:32Colin, let me stop you right there.
07:34Where are you going wrong?
07:35Sorry, Mr. Brittas.
07:37Colin, look at my body
07:39and look at your body.
07:42Spot the difference, Colin.
07:44My body is saying,
07:46welcome, relax, feel at ease.
07:48I don't feel very much at ease looking at your body.
07:52You're absolutely right, Mr. Brittas.
07:53I'm terribly sorry.
07:54Mirror me.
07:55Mirror me.
07:58Carry on.
08:00Right.
08:00Well, I went up on the roof,
08:02asked per your instructions,
08:04and there was this, like...
08:05Well, it was...
08:06It was sort of, I mean...
08:07Well, I don't know how you describe it.
08:09It was...
08:09Oh, Colin, what is all this stuff?
08:11That's not body language.
08:13That's body gibberish.
08:15I tell you what, Colin,
08:16forget about your body
08:17and concentrate on the words, all right?
08:19Now, what is on the roof?
08:21Nothing is on the roof.
08:23I'm glad we've established that, Colin.
08:25Problem solved.
08:26Hey, there's a crisis in the sauna.
08:28Mrs. Bidmead wants you down there straight away.
08:30Mm-hmm.
08:33Incapable of dealing with herself, is she?
08:35Short on management skills, you see, Colin.
08:38She says if you don't come right away,
08:39there'll be one hell of a stink.
08:41Well, actually, there is one hell of a stink.
08:43Something's contaminated the sauna.
08:45Right, I'm on my way.
08:47Nothing is on the roof,
08:49but something is in the roof.
08:51What?
08:52Well, sort of rubble and...
08:54Ah, those builders have been nothing but trouble.
08:56And there's this sort of, well,
08:58like an ice cube.
09:01Typical.
09:01Boozing on the job.
09:03Colin, get rid of it and tidy the place up, please.
09:06Yes, but...
09:06Colin, I've got a crisis to deal with.
09:08Incapable of dealing with it yourself?
09:09Certainly not, Mr. Britox.
09:10Good man, buddy.
09:13In you go.
09:14Now, this is Sophie.
09:16She's a woodlouse.
09:17Now, the first game is going to be hide-and-seek
09:19and it's going to be lots of fun.
09:20But listen, children,
09:21no-one is allowed to leave the cupboard.
09:25Welcome to Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre.
09:26How may I help you?
09:28Oh, thank you, ma'am.
09:29Do you have a good lining board
09:31and a microwave in the restroom?
09:32Yes, I should think.
09:33What's the matter, Miss Brits?
09:35Oh, it's all a bit awkward.
09:36I didn't really mean to,
09:37but I've sold the house.
09:39Mr. Brits doesn't say you'll move it.
09:41No, he doesn't know.
09:42I've got a house full of furniture
09:44and I don't know where to put it all.
09:45I should have moved it yesterday
09:47before the new owners moved in.
09:49Very awkward over breakfast this morning.
09:52I'm sorry, Miss Brits.
09:53People have moved in
09:54and Mr. Brits didn't notice.
09:55No, of course he noticed,
09:56but they're American, you see.
09:57Yes, he's in the US Air Force,
09:59so I told Gordon
10:00they're my cousins from Tennessee.
10:02There's only room for a freezer back there.
10:04Hello, my darling.
10:06Oh, hello, Gordon.
10:06As soon as I get a moment,
10:07I'm going to organise
10:08a sightseeing schedule
10:09for Chuck and Nancy.
10:10There's really no need to bother.
10:12No bother at all, my darling.
10:13They are your family,
10:15although I do hope
10:15Chuck's mood improves.
10:17He was rather argumentative this morning.
10:18Probably jet lag.
10:19Look, Gordon, I...
10:20I've got to sort out of crisis
10:21and the sort of my darling.
10:22Back later.
10:23Oh, Gil, I wish I hadn't got into this mess.
10:25How did it happen, Miss Brits?
10:27Well, it all started about a month ago
10:29when this leaflet came through the door
10:30saying,
10:31Are you undervalued?
10:32Well, it was just how I felt.
10:34So I phoned up
10:35and this charming man came round
10:37and he wanted to bring a friend,
10:38this American colonel.
10:40Well, one thing led to another
10:41and before I knew it,
10:42I'd sold the house
10:43to the US Air Force.
10:44Well, you know how it is.
10:45No, not really, Miss Brits.
10:47Oh, come on.
10:48It must happen all the time.
10:49Oh, no, not really.
10:53Yes, it is a rather unpleasant smell,
10:55Mrs Bidmead.
10:56It's disgusting.
10:58Yes, indeed.
11:00But, of course,
11:00it's not really my responsibility.
11:02Any unpleasant smells
11:03emanating from any other part
11:05of the leisure centre
11:06are down to me,
11:07but the privatised sauna solarium
11:09and odours therein
11:11are down to you.
11:12Well, I think it's coming
11:13from somewhere else.
11:14Maybe upstairs.
11:15Well, I can't smell it anywhere else.
11:17And you're bound to get
11:18a little bit of a pong
11:19in the sauna
11:19with all those people sweating.
11:21So you're telling me
11:22you're not going to do
11:22anything about it?
11:24What can I do,
11:25Mrs Bidmead?
11:26This area is no longer
11:27within my terms of reference.
11:29You're in overall charge.
11:31You've got to do something.
11:33Look, just to prove
11:34I'm being helpful,
11:35I put out a tannoy announcement.
11:37Saying what?
11:38Saying steer clear
11:39of the sauna.
11:40It stinks to high heaven.
11:50Now, Ben,
11:51I know hide-and-seek
11:53in a cupboard
11:53has its limitations,
11:54but I specifically said
11:56no-one was allowed to leave.
11:57Now, where are Sophie and Fergus?
11:59Carol!
12:00No more tickets
12:01for the sauna, please.
12:02I'm declaring it
12:03a contaminated zone
12:04till further notice.
12:05Yes, Miss Bruce.
12:10Oh, great.
12:11I'm seeing double now.
12:11No, it's me.
12:12Oh, Tim, sorry.
12:13Everything's so fuzzy.
12:14This is stupid.
12:15You should go home.
12:16It clears up in a couple of hours.
12:17Anyway, I'm not ill or anything.
12:18It's just ocular hypertension.
12:20Quite common
12:21in senior management, apparently.
12:22Well, you shouldn't put the drops
12:23in when you're at work.
12:23I've got to take them
12:24three times a day now.
12:25Which means you shouldn't be here.
12:26You can't do the job.
12:27Look, Tim, I'm management.
12:29Management don't go home
12:30just because they can't do the job.
12:33Sorry, I'll rephrase that.
12:34No need to.
12:34You're quite right.
12:36The point is, Tim,
12:37it would be silly
12:38to make a fuss
12:38and go home now.
12:39I've only got to take
12:40the drops for another week.
12:41I've got a job to do
12:43and I'm going to do it.
12:45In a couple of hours,
12:46everything will look
12:47perfectly normal
12:47and nobody will be
12:48any the wiser.
12:50Sorry, Garbit.
12:51No one will be
12:52any the wiser about what?
12:53Oh, nothing.
12:54It's, um, it's...
12:56It's Colin, isn't it?
12:57Yeah, of course it is.
12:58Is anything the matter?
12:59No.
13:00No, nothing at all.
13:02There's a funny smell in here.
13:03It's probably me.
13:06I'm dealing with this thing
13:07on the roof.
13:08What thing?
13:09Well, that's just it.
13:10I've got no idea what it is.
13:12It's crashed through the roof
13:13and lodged itself up there.
13:15Well, what is it?
13:16Where did it come from?
13:16I don't know,
13:17but it must have come
13:18with such force.
13:20Have you ever seen a meteorite?
13:21Have you seen it's a meteorite, Colin?
13:23No, no, they're very hot
13:24and this is very, very cold.
13:26And yet, it must have come from...
13:28Well, I don't know.
13:31From outer space?
13:32What does Brittus say?
13:34Mr. Brittus has put me in charge.
13:35I am quite capable
13:36of dealing with it myself, Gavin.
13:38But I wouldn't mind a second opinion.
13:40Would you mind just come
13:41and have a look at it with me?
13:42Can't it wait?
13:43I'd prefer to go now, Gavin.
13:45Yes, will you see him?
13:46Tony, if it is actually
13:47from outer space,
13:49it might not be such a good idea
13:51smashing it up
13:51and putting it in the bin.
13:54Well, all right then,
13:56but look, it's nothing
13:56from the planet Zark
13:58or anything like that, all right?
13:59You've been watching
14:00too many science fiction films.
14:01Anything the matter, Gavin?
14:03No, no, nothing.
14:05I've got a job to do
14:06and I'm going to do it.
14:08Mr. Brittus,
14:09what I'm trying to say
14:10is that I'm worried about Gavin
14:11because he's...
14:11Hang on a moment, Tim.
14:15Right, carry on.
14:17Thank you, Mr. Brittus.
14:18Well, I think you should
14:19put it to Gavin
14:19that although he has
14:20management responsibilities,
14:21that doesn't necessarily mean
14:23that he should always keep...
14:24What are you doing?
14:26I can see you're obviously
14:27worried about something, Timothy,
14:28so I'm putting you at your ease.
14:30Well, strangely, it's not working.
14:32In fact, it's having
14:32the opposite effect.
14:33No, no, it's not, Tim.
14:35I'm afraid that's not possible.
14:36I've done the course.
14:42You can't get to the roof that way.
14:44Oh, sorry, Colin.
14:45I don't know what got into me.
14:46You don't seem to be
14:47quite yourself today, Gavin.
14:48Who else would I be?
14:53Look!
14:54What?
14:55Two strange creatures
14:57gone down there.
14:58I didn't see anything.
15:00But you must have.
15:02They looked like...
15:04well...
15:06aliens.
15:07Colin?
15:09Colin?
15:10Now, please stay in there.
15:12All right, Fergus.
15:14Oh, gravy says.
15:15Please stay in there.
15:18Which way did they go, Carol?
15:19Who go where, Colin?
15:21Not who.
15:22What.
15:22Two things.
15:24You must have seen them.
15:25No, I haven't seen anything.
15:27I don't want to run along.
15:28But they were vile,
15:29horrible creatures.
15:30I know this might sound odd,
15:32but I don't think they were human.
15:34Really?
15:34That's nice.
15:36No, Carol.
15:37Something very strange
15:38is going on.
15:42Welcome to Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre,
15:44how may I help you?
15:45The sauna is a contaminated zone.
15:58Hello, Julie.
15:59Do you think you could look after this for me?
16:00Don't let me leave it in the pool.
16:01Yeah, if you like.
16:03You see, Tim,
16:04these are all communication skills.
16:06But you haven't let me say
16:07what I came to say.
16:08Whoa, you were saying it all
16:09with your body, Tim.
16:11Try not to worry so much.
16:13Try not to worry so much.
16:15Angry.
16:16I don't know why I'd bother
16:17to come up here.
16:17You see, it's working.
16:19Hello, Ellen, my little darling.
16:21If it's about Chuck and Nancy's
16:22sightseeing schedule,
16:23I've had a bit of a hiatus.
16:25I've got stuck on Wednesday afternoon
16:26at 3.17pm.
16:28There's really no need
16:29to worry, Gordon.
16:31Yeah.
16:32That's a nice lamp.
16:33Julie, where'd you get it?
16:35I bought it.
16:36From a shop.
16:38A lamp shop.
16:41Anyway, happy to be getting home
16:42since I've got the bathroom to do.
16:43Bye-bye, my angel.
16:46Very house-proud, my wife, Julie.
16:49Hmm.
16:50We've got a lamp like that.
16:52Only ours is bigger.
16:57Colin?
17:00Colin?
17:01Colin?
17:02Colin?
17:03Colin?
17:05I'm sorry about that.
17:07Are you all right?
17:07This is ridiculous.
17:09Go home.
17:10I can't.
17:11I have to put my responsibilities
17:12to the general public
17:13before my own personal convenience.
17:15Oh, you sound exactly like Britus.
17:16This has all happened
17:17since you've been management.
17:18You've changed.
17:19You're completely different.
17:21What's happened to the old Gavin?
17:22The Gavin that I knew.
17:24Well, I'm sure Mr. Britus
17:25knows what he's doing.
17:27He had to close the pool once
17:28when we had rats and vials disease.
17:29But after six months,
17:30everything was fine.
17:31Six months?
17:32Yeah.
17:32What's that?
17:34Oh, that'll be Ben's party downstairs.
17:37It's coming up through the air conditioning.
17:42Oh, my God, it's alive.
17:47Who are you?
17:50Where do you come from?
17:54What do you want with us?
17:59You've taken over Gavin, haven't you?
18:03Heaven help us.
18:05It's the inversion of the body snatchers
18:07all over again.
18:10Well, Gavin Featherly,
18:12this is a very sad day.
18:14I've had a formal complaint
18:16about your behaviour
18:17in the swimming pool.
18:18I'm therefore going to institute
18:21the proper procedures
18:22which may well lead
18:23to an official reprimand
18:24and a permanent stain
18:26on your record.
18:27Whatever possessed you
18:28to manhandle this lady?
18:30I was trying to make her feel
18:32at home, Mr. Britus.
18:33I was anchoring.
18:35Oh, Gavin, Gavin, Gavin.
18:37What a stupid anchor.
18:41It could so easily be misinterpreted
18:43as sexual harassment
18:44and attempted drowning.
18:47I'm going to be generous
18:48on this occasion
18:48and put it down
18:49as mental instability.
18:51I'm sending you home
18:52pending an inquiry.
18:53Don't look into his eyes,
18:54Mr. Britus!
18:58Get back to your own kind.
19:01Mr. Britus,
19:02he's a body snatcher.
19:03Yes, I know, Colin.
19:04I'm dealing with it.
19:05Gavin, off you go, please.
19:07Yes, Mr. Britus.
19:09Mr. Britus,
19:10it's very, very bad news.
19:12Gavin's one of them.
19:13No, he's not, Colin.
19:15He's just been accused
19:17of molesting one of our female customers.
19:19You don't understand, Mr. Britus,
19:21I have to protect you from him.
19:22Colin, don't be silly.
19:24If Gavin's one of them,
19:25then quite frankly,
19:26so are you and so am I.
19:32The problem is,
19:32the eye drops blur my vision.
19:34It's OK now,
19:35but I've got to keep taking them.
19:36You see,
19:36I'm part of a research programme.
19:38Coffee, jelly, sausage on the stage.
19:39Oh, thank you, Karen.
19:40Did he tell Gordon?
19:42No.
19:43No, well,
19:43you can't tell Gordon anything,
19:45can you?
19:46What's the research for?
19:47Well, it's to reduce ocular hypertension.
19:49We're a small group at the moment,
19:51but if the experiment works,
19:52well, it's a simple procedure.
19:53It could be applied anywhere in the world.
19:56Come away from me,
19:57Mrs. Britus.
19:58He's not what you think he is.
19:59He's after your body.
20:01I mean...
20:02Get out of here.
20:03Get out,
20:04you vile creature.
20:05Well, all right, Colin.
20:06Calm down.
20:06I hardly touched the woman.
20:08Calm down, Colin.
20:09Take great care,
20:11Mrs. Britus.
20:11They're trying to take you over.
20:13Trying?
20:14No, they already have done.
20:15Eight o'clock this morning,
20:16they demanded vacant possession.
20:18Oh, no.
20:19Now, what could I do?
20:20I just had to give in.
20:21No.
20:22I said stay in there.
20:24Not you as well, Carol.
20:26Oh, my word,
20:26this is a nightmare.
20:27They're everywhere, aren't they?
20:28Oh, I'm sorry, Colin.
20:30I've done my best,
20:30but I've tried to keep them
20:31under control,
20:32but you know how it is.
20:34Colin, are you all right?
20:35You don't look your normal self.
20:38Oh, no.
20:39Not me as well.
20:42What's up, Carol?
20:44Mrs. Britus, come quick.
20:45Colin's gone berserk.
20:47He's chained himself up
20:47in the changing room.
20:48He's ranting and raving.
20:50Linda, there are proper guidelines
20:52laid down for this eventuality.
20:54Responsibility for the outbreak
20:55of mental instability
20:56amongst members of the staff
20:57has now been devolved
20:58to the deputy management.
20:59I suggest you go and see Gavin.
21:01You've just sent Gavin home
21:02with a mental instability.
21:04Right, I'd better go and investigate.
21:11Has suicide been mentioned?
21:12Not as far as I know.
21:14Do you want me to suggest it?
21:15Linda, I'm going to deal with this, all right?
21:16If he's ranting and raving,
21:17hang on,
21:18there may be some bendling
21:18in my bedside table.
21:22What's our furniture doing here?
21:27Just trying to carry out
21:29your policy, Mr. Britus.
21:31Miss Britus' idea,
21:32we do want people to feel at home,
21:34don't we?
21:36My darling,
21:37you are an angel.
21:39Much clash,
21:40Colin's gone mad, apparently.
21:47Now then, Master Colin,
21:49what are you doing
21:49hanging about in here?
21:51I've changed, Mr. Britus.
21:52I think I've been taken over.
21:54I might be possessed.
21:55Shall I exercise him, Mr. Britus?
21:57Linda, this is no time for exercise.
21:59No, exorcise.
22:00I could purge him of his demons.
22:03Linda, I thought I told you
22:04to leave this to me.
22:05Yes, sorry.
22:06Mr. Britus wanted to know
22:08if you'd like to kill yourself.
22:09Linda, off you go now, please.
22:14Right, Colin.
22:17Try and relax.
22:19Now, what is this all about?
22:22It is you, is it, Mr. Britus?
22:24Well, of course it's me.
22:25Yes.
22:26Yes, I can see that, though.
22:28You're behaving quite normally.
22:29You're putting me at my ease, aren't you?
22:31Matching and mirroring.
22:33I feel better already.
22:35Maybe they haven't got me yet.
22:36Who hasn't got you?
22:38The alien frog spawn in the roof.
22:40Come on.
22:41You are suffering from what is clinically known
22:44as raving madness.
22:47That thing that came through the roof,
22:49it's from out of space.
22:50It's alive.
22:51It spoke to me.
22:53I thought you said the builders left it.
22:55No, no.
22:57It's giving birth to nasty little creatures
22:59who are taking over our bodies.
23:01It's got Gavin and Carol already
23:02and your good wife, I'm afraid.
23:04I know it may sound a bit far-fetched.
23:07Not at all, Colin.
23:08Can you hear the talking now?
23:10Can you hear voices?
23:11No, Mr. Britus.
23:13Can you?
23:15Of course I can't hear voices, Colin.
23:17I'm not the one who's barking mad.
23:18I'm as same as I ever was, Mr. Britus.
23:21Very possibly, Colin.
23:22But that doesn't get us very far, does it?
23:24Why have you chained yourself up?
23:26Because I could have been a danger
23:27to the human race, Mr. Britus.
23:28I thought I'd been taken over by them.
23:30The body snatchers.
23:32You see, you look just the same.
23:35Well, I could have been me
23:36or some grotesque, horrible creature.
23:38There's no telling the difference.
23:41Mm, I can see the problem.
23:43When you think about it, Mr. Britus,
23:45it all makes sense.
23:46You see, those aliens could have chosen
23:48to land anywhere in the world,
23:49but they came here.
23:51Why?
23:52I don't know.
23:53You tell me.
23:53Because of you, Mr. Britus.
23:55Our leader.
23:57A man of vision
23:58with advanced communication skills.
24:01It's destiny.
24:02You have to negotiate with them
24:04on behalf of the human race.
24:07Come at the hour.
24:09Come at the man.
24:12I'm beginning to see
24:13what you're getting at, Colin.
24:15You may have a point.
24:16Just come and look at it.
24:17See what you think.
24:18All right, Colin,
24:19but I'm still taking this
24:20with a pinch of salt.
24:21Come on.
24:22Er, Mr. Britus.
24:23Where's the key?
24:24I swallowed it.
24:27I never thought I'd be glad
24:29I had a jippy tummy.
24:30Oh, that isn't it, Colin.
24:33Good grief.
24:34Looks like a bomb's dropped in here.
24:35Not a bomb, Mr. Britus.
24:37That.
24:38It's got a lot smaller
24:39since it's been giving birth.
24:41There's got to be some sort
24:43of rational explanation
24:44for this, Colin.
24:46It's talking to you, Mr. Britus.
24:48I knew it would.
24:50It didn't sound much
24:51like talking to me.
24:53I expect it's trying
24:54to establish contact.
24:55Please, Mr. Britus.
24:57If anyone can get through to it,
24:58you can.
24:59Please try.
25:00Use your powers
25:01of communication.
25:03Colin, look at it.
25:05You seriously propose
25:06I should try matching
25:07and mirroring with that?
25:08It's laughable.
25:10It understands you, Mr. Britus.
25:12I knew it would.
25:18I don't know
25:19if you've come
25:20from another planet
25:21or if you can understand me.
25:23But if you have
25:24and if you can,
25:25I'd like you to know
25:27that you have affected
25:28an unauthorised entry
25:29into this lecissing,
25:31which is in clear breach
25:32of the council bylaws
25:35incurring automatic
25:36membership suspension.
25:38Also,
25:39you're going to have to pay
25:39for this damage.
25:43I'd have to do
25:44something about it now.
25:46Smell spreading.
25:47Someone's just passed
25:47out on the squash court.
25:52Oh, welcome
25:53to Whitby Newtown
25:53Notary Centre.
25:54How can I help you?
25:56Yes, just a minute.
25:57Miss Bruce,
25:57telephone.
25:58Oh.
26:00It's American, John.
26:01Oh, right.
26:02Hello?
26:03Try lulling it
26:04into a false sense
26:05of security.
26:06It's not a very pleasant
26:08smell, Colin,
26:08whatever it is.
26:09It's probably fear,
26:10Mr. Brittas.
26:12That's how it affects me.
26:14Try putting it
26:15at its ease.
26:19My name is
26:20Dorden Brittas.
26:21I am the manager,
26:23or, as it were,
26:25the leader
26:26of the leisure centre.
26:28Welcome.
26:30Welcome.
26:34We want to make you
26:35feel at home here.
26:38We want to make you
26:40feel at home here.
26:42Colin, I don't think
26:42there's an awful lot
26:43of point in this.
26:44Quick, Mr. Brittas,
26:45it's trying to escape.
26:46After it.
26:55This way.
26:57Yes.
26:58Yes, thank you.
26:59Goodbye.
27:00That was the
27:00American Air Force.
27:01We've got the house
27:02back.
27:03All the furniture
27:03can go.
27:04Oh, that's a shame.
27:06I was just getting
27:06used to having neighbours.
27:09Chuck's been transferred
27:10to avoid some sort
27:10of diplomatic incident.
27:12They don't mess about.
27:13He's already on his way
27:13to Beirut.
27:20It's heading
27:21for the basement.
27:24He was flying
27:24one of those
27:25big troop carriers
27:26when he made a mistake.
27:27Sort of mistake.
27:28It's fine, Colin.
27:29Mr. Brittas,
27:30about the smell.
27:30Not now.
27:31I'm saving the planet.
27:33Apparently,
27:33he pressed the wrong
27:34button and ejected
27:35the entire contents
27:36of the toilet tank.
27:37He dropped a huge
27:38block of ice,
27:39half a tonne
27:40of frozen urine
27:41somewhere over
27:42southern England.
27:43It's on its way,
27:43Mr. Brittas.
27:44I can hear it coming.
27:45Now, if I can just
27:46get this one done,
27:47we shall be able
27:47to trap it here
27:48and seal off the basement.
27:49Let me help, Colin.
27:50It's all right,
27:51Mr. Brittas.
27:51I've got it.
27:58Mr. Brittas!
27:59Mr. Brittas!
28:01Mr. Brittas!
28:23Mr. Brittas!
28:24Mr. Brittas!
28:27Mr. Brittas!
28:34Mr. Brittas!
28:35Mr. Brittas!
28:38Mr. Brittas!
28:38Mr. Brittas!
28:38Mr. Brittas!
28:39Mr. Brittas!
28:39Mr. Brittas!
28:39Mr. Brittas!
28:40Mr. Brittas!
28:42Mr. Brittas!
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