- 7 hours ago
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00:08get milk get butter get apple juice hey you quit making me a little list of things to do
00:15huh what do you think i do just sit around here all day and do nothing i'm an artist
00:20i happen to be working right now get job hey look the judge sent us a postcard from australia
00:30greetings from down under did you know this entire country started as one big prison colony
00:35my kind of place michael hope you remember to feed my cat
00:43berry cat
00:48michael i'm kidding i make ze little dead cat joke
00:53oh no i'm dead what did you do now i didn't do anything look at this joey harris talented soho
01:00artist dies does it really say that yeah hard to believe they actually say talented
01:08hey i know what's going on here they're talking about this other local artist joey maris i used
01:14to get his mail now i get his obituary man you believe that huh guy works his whole life never
01:21gets a break he dies and they spell his name wrong that is sad yeah now everybody's gonna think i'm
01:26dead hey well joe that's that's a common mistake oh i gotta call the paper i gotta get this
01:32straightened out gotta head out to school dad rest in peace yeah yeah thanks hey listen i just
01:38cleaned up so do me a favor don't rot all over the place huh
01:43hello yeah can you give me your uh your obituary department please
01:48yeah i can hold
01:54is this joey harris's place yeah i just read about his untimely death very sad okay is this his stuff
02:04yeah yeah yeah yeah i know the artist dies and the price goes up come on let's not waste time
02:08here
02:08i'm in the business i understand these things now uh what about this thing uh what are you talking
02:13here uh five maybe ten grand okay yeah that sounds fair after all this guy was a bum he couldn't
02:23come
02:23near that price when he was alive hello what's that another gallery calling already the vultures okay
02:29okay okay i'll go uh 20
02:36hey look i look i i got a guy here that says he'll go 20
02:45do i hear 25
02:52you can count on me no matter what you do you can count on me no matter where you go
03:03i won't stand there by your side i'll be right there no one loves you more than i do put
03:10your hand in mine
03:12i can see you're part of me and you
03:17there's something special that comes shining through
03:21i hear it in your laughter and i feel it when you cry i will be right there for you
03:29until the day i die
03:31you can count on me no matter what you do you can count on me no matter where you go
03:42you can count on me
03:53i yes i take swipes at joey's art but you know that i think he's really talented
03:59oh you bought this what are you nuts that's one of our kitchen chairs it's a joey harris original
04:08he's one of the finest up-and-coming dead artists
04:23joey shh shh no not joey joey is dead i'm bernie joey's agent come on in
04:31why why are you writing on chairs hey i sign them and i sell them that's the art biz babe
04:37that's ridiculous oh yeah well i got eighty four thousand dollars right here that says you are
04:44wrong eighty four thousand dollars hey and i've only been dead for one day
04:51dude you can't do that that's such illegal that's such immoral yes it's so immoral
05:00can i have that yeah
05:03dad we can get all kinds of stuff now a big screen tv a microwave a car joey you should
05:11have dropped 10
05:11years ago hey thanks you know joey you're setting a very bad example for your daughter you're lying to
05:19people hey mikey mike the lie is not what i'm doing all right the lie is that the artist's work
05:27is worth
05:27more after he dies come on joey you're writing on furniture
05:33you're pretending to be bernie you're out of control you're out of control joe
05:42so cut it out so just stop it and then i insist call call the paper and tell him that
05:47you're alive
05:47right now come on one week please just one week if i can be dead for one week i can
05:51retire
05:51look come on you you can't believe that what you're doing is okay hey what am i doing come
05:55on i'm selling fine art fine art signed by the artist thanks for the deal bernie
06:02this will look great over the fireplace tell a friend
06:08you call that art no they call it art i call it 5 800 bucks
06:14that's it joe i gotta draw the line just stop stop right now okay just get our stuff back give
06:19them
06:19their money back and stop now if you excuse me i have to go to the bathroom hey wait up
06:28joey maybe he's right yeah yeah maybe he is sweetheart huh yeah maybe uh maybe i should
06:34just forget about all those years i worked to get people to appreciate my work huh maybe i should
06:39just forget about all those guys out there my age that are buying cars and houses when i can't even
06:43afford to buy my door to a little present to show how much i love it that's sweet dad but
06:47that's not
06:48what's important hey nick i spent a lot of years as an artist if anybody deserves to die it's me
06:57true but even if you bought me something really great with this money
07:00i don't think i could even enjoy it
07:09boy was i wrong
07:27how much for this one oh no i could possibly sell this one
07:34it means too much to me you see papa joe
07:41may he rest in peace oh i'm so sorry it must be very painful for you
07:47he was painting it for me which makes it very very valuable how valuable it's priceless oh but for
07:56you 11 5 11 11 11 to my final offer you got it great
08:06congratulations you have just purchased the last painting ever created by joey harris
08:33what you got a moral problem hey you think the people that are buying this stuff have any morals
08:37no if they got a nice space above their couch and i'm dead they're happy so what are you worrying
08:42about whether it's right or not no i'm just asking if the blotch goes at the top or the bottom
08:48who cares
08:51uh-oh michael is walking into the building all right clean it up let's go come on move
09:02hey just throw it in
09:11we cut it a little close that time yeah you know we should set an alarm or something
09:15well don't worry about it he's not gonna suspect anything
09:29hey he's home
09:37what's everybody doing oh no i just hang around reading that
09:40i see well that's good we got the couch back i noticed and the chairs joe you did the right
09:51thing hey absolutely so you kids staying for dinner not me i'm stuffed
09:59all right well this is my lucky day you know this morning i found a subway token and now i
10:04find
10:04a thousand dollar a thousand dollar bill
10:09hold it
10:19you're on a roll
10:24go great job slick you know we have to finish high school
10:29so joe i'm wondering maybe maybe you know how how would cory happen to come by
10:35oh say seventy thousand dollars
10:40recycling
10:42i don't think so
10:46paper route
10:48you got your daughter involved in this nice very nice upstairs you and i are going to talk about this
10:53later
10:55i know i know now you're going to teach me what's right and wrong
10:58no i'm going to try and remind you of of the joey harris that i used to know who cared
11:03about his family who cared about his integrity yeah you you used to say that money meant nothing to you
11:09yeah that's when i was broke you're selling your soul joe
11:17hey you're a hypocrite you know that you take shots at me when i'm not selling this stuff and
11:23then you take shots at me when i am
11:27well just do me a favor okay stay out of it because i got no problem
11:33bernie we've got a problem what's that dave it's in today's paper a correction in the obituaries
11:39it seems joey maris died yesterday not joey harris
11:44what's the point dave i bought a lot of harris's stuff from you bernie at inflated dead guy prices
11:50if he's still alive i got a gallery full of caca
11:56he's dead dave i'm glad to hear you say that bernie because if there's one thing we in the art
12:01world do not take lightly it's fraud for art people go to jail for that bernie for many many years
12:08years well he's real dead dave and of course you could prove this bernie i sure can dave
12:25oh
12:43Ow!
12:48Dad, you can't let Joey go through with this funeral thing.
12:52I'm sorry, honey, but you try talking to Joey?
12:55It's like talking to a dead man.
12:58Dad, cut it out. It's not funny.
13:00I mean, I'm surprised at you anyway.
13:02I mean, didn't you and I have this big talk about how lying and deceiving people is wrong?
13:06Yes.
13:06Well, if you're going to change your mind, I want my horsey back.
13:10Sweetie, I'm not changing my mind.
13:12You're practically helping him.
13:14No, I'm not. I merely suggested that dollar for dollar,
13:18mahogany's a much better value than Naughty Pine.
13:20Dad, I'm sad.
13:22Look, honey, I'm glad you learned your lesson. I really am.
13:24Unfortunately, Joey has not.
13:27Oh, wait a minute.
13:29You've got a plan, don't you?
13:33Maybe.
13:35Come on, come on. You're mourning your father.
13:38Just have fun with it.
13:48Who is it?
13:51It's Candy Graham, moron.
14:00What do you think, huh?
14:04I figure they open the casket.
14:05Big laugh.
14:07Very funny.
14:07Look, I'm going to try one more time to talk you out of this.
14:10Hey, come on. You're just jealous.
14:11I'm jealous?
14:12Yeah, because you know that if you got hit by a bus tomorrow,
14:15there ain't no way you're going to afford a box like this, baby.
14:19I got a phone in here.
14:21What are you going to do about tomorrow, huh?
14:22And the day after tomorrow?
14:23Are you going to be dead for the rest of your life?
14:25We already talked about this, right?
14:26I'm in too deep. I can go to jail.
14:28Well, just tell them what you did.
14:29Give the money back.
14:30No, it's my money. I earned it.
14:32Hey, if that's what they think my art is worth,
14:34then that's what it's worth, all right?
14:35And I can't talk anymore because I'm dead.
14:37That's it? That's your final word?
14:39That's it. If you don't like it, talk.
14:41Yeah, well, you...
14:45Little ventriloquist thing we used to do
14:47that he enjoyed so much.
14:50Great. I love that stuff.
14:52Tell me, can you sing without moving your lips?
14:55Can I? No, I...
14:56Why the light
15:00Of the silvery moon
15:30Dad, this is ridiculous.
15:32Just hang in there a little longer, sweetheart.
15:36It's amazing how much this guy looks like his manager, Bernie.
15:40This is it.
15:42Moment of truth.
15:44Don't breathe. Don't breathe.
15:49He's dead.
15:54I'm happy.
15:56Yes. Yes. Yes.
16:00Joe.
16:02Joe.
16:04You were like a brother to me.
16:08I can't believe this.
16:13Who the hell was that?
16:19Oh, Joey.
16:22Oh, Marsha.
16:24Joey.
16:25Joey.
16:27Marsha.
16:28Marsha.
16:29When you were alive,
16:32I was never in the mood.
16:35Well, I know it's a little late,
16:37but
16:37I'm in the mood now.
16:41Hi.
16:43I'll kill him.
16:44I swear I'll kill him.
16:52Hey, pal.
16:54We were doing the matinee,
16:55and
16:56when I heard the news,
16:57I...
16:58I crashed the clown car.
17:01You know,
17:02Bafo can't let you go
17:03without one
17:03for old time's sake.
17:10What a clown.
17:15Paris,
17:16you didn't know me,
17:17but you knew my girlfriend.
17:19Oh, no.
17:20This can't be good.
17:28Okay.
17:29Okay.
17:30You made it.
17:30You made it.
17:32Can't get worse than that.
17:34Oh, God.
17:38Joey.
17:39I just got back from Australia
17:41when I found out.
17:43I couldn't believe it.
17:45Joey Harris.
17:47So young.
17:48So vital.
17:50How could he be dead?
17:52She doesn't know.
17:54She can't know.
17:56How could she know?
17:57She made me dead.
18:01She's so scary.
18:08We're gathered here
18:10to say goodbye
18:13to Joey Harris,
18:16my oldest and dearest friend,
18:20a compassionate
18:21and sensitive man,
18:25a feeling man.
18:28I look at him now
18:32and it saddens me
18:33to think
18:36that he feels no more.
18:40No,
18:42Joey Harris
18:43can't feel this.
18:49As a matter of fact,
18:51he,
18:51he can't even feel this.
18:59But as I say,
19:01we're here to say goodbye
19:04to Joey Harris.
19:09And when we leave here,
19:10all we'll have left of Joey
19:11are memories.
19:13So let's ask ourselves,
19:15how would Joey Harris
19:16want us to remember him?
19:21I know how I'll remember him.
19:24I'll remember him
19:25as a,
19:26as a guy
19:27who spent a lot of time
19:28on his hair.
19:30He would,
19:31he would brush it
19:32and comb it
19:34and
19:35just
19:35style it to perfection.
19:39Then he'd put it on.
19:43But I don't think
19:44that's how he'd want
19:45to be remembered.
19:46No.
19:47Nor would he
19:48want to be remembered
19:49for his
19:50courageous
19:51but
19:52ultimately
19:52futile struggle
19:53against bedwetting.
19:58So let's ask ourselves,
20:00how would
20:00Joey Harris
20:01want to be remembered?
20:03I think we all know
20:04his art.
20:07Because an artist's work
20:09is his lasting legacy.
20:12It's his way of saying,
20:13hey world,
20:14this
20:15is who I am.
20:17And who was
20:18Joey Harris?
20:19This
20:20was Joey Harris.
20:27And this work,
20:29I think,
20:30typifies
20:30the man's
20:31genius.
20:32This
20:33is a work
20:34that his daughter
20:35can look at
20:35with pride
20:36for the rest of her life
20:37and say,
20:38this
20:38is what
20:39Joey Harris'
20:40art
20:40was all about.
20:42Wait a minute.
20:47I'm not gonna lie here
20:49and listen to this.
20:49First of all,
20:50this is my real hair.
20:52And second of all,
20:53that is not art.
20:54That is garbage.
20:55My daughter knows that.
20:56And she knows,
20:57she knows how hard
20:58I worked to get
20:59to where I am today.
21:00She knows that I know
21:01I'm wrong for what
21:01I did today
21:02because I'm a real artist
21:03who's gonna be remembered
21:05for his real work.
21:06I am a real artist
21:09who's going
21:10to a real jail.
21:28Here's me at the
21:29Great Barrier Reef.
21:33Here's me at the
21:34Great Barrier Reef.
21:37Here's me at the
21:38Great Barrier Reef.
21:40Judge, please,
21:42haven't I been punished
21:42enough yet?
21:43Did I negotiate
21:45a settlement with Dave?
21:47Yeah.
21:48Did I get you off the hook
21:49with all those
21:50angry art collectors?
21:52Yes.
21:53Did I keep you out of jail
21:54by having you give
21:55all the money back?
21:56Yes.
21:58Here's me at the
21:59Great Barrier Reef.
22:02Dinner.
22:04Hey, Judge,
22:05what do you think?
22:05Can you suspend
22:06Joey's sentence
22:06long enough
22:07to let him meet?
22:08Sure.
22:11You know, Michael,
22:14I enjoyed
22:14your little speech,
22:16but I'm wondering
22:18if Joey hadn't done
22:19the right thing
22:20at the right moment,
22:21how are you gonna get
22:22him to admit
22:23he wasn't dead?
22:24Oh, that's easy.
22:25We were gonna have
22:25him cremated.
22:29Well, I'm outta here.
22:31Joe,
22:32we'll pick up
22:33where we left off
22:34first thing in the morning.
22:36I still got
22:37three weeks
22:38of slides left.
22:41Oh, cremate me!
22:45Judge,
22:46what are you doing?
22:47I'm taking
22:48one of these.
22:49My feet.
22:50Why?
22:51They're garbage.
22:52Yeah, now.
22:53But you gotta die
22:55someday.
22:57Okay.
23:16I'm taking
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