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00:03Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, oh, oh, oh, Christmas tree, oh, oh, oh, Michael, Michael, don't turn around,
00:16don't turn around, okay, close your eyes, don't look, don't look, don't look, okay, keep them closed, all right, no
00:20peeking now, I'm not, I'm not enjoying this, by the way, all right, don't look, okay, are you ready, okay,
00:27open.
00:31Perfect.
00:32An upside down tree, why, what is this, confuse a dog week, come on, you look at that tree, you
00:38see an upside down tree, I look at that, I see art, yeah, why do you have to do something
00:43crazy every year, Joe, can't you once have a normal tree, a traditional tree with lights and tinsel and gravity,
00:49you mean traditional, traditional, you mean boring, repetitive, predictable, hey, I am not predictable, oh, very funny, Joe, cut it
00:57out, hey, I am not that predictable,
01:00same old Michael, same, same, same old Michael, how is that bad, what is wrong with wanting to do traditional
01:06holiday things at a traditional holiday time, I'm not saying there's anything wrong,
01:10gotcha, the traditional holiday tradition argument,
01:17I went to a great deal of trouble to get you each something very special this year, but I don't
01:23want you to feel you have to get me anything in return,
01:31I don't have all day,
01:32do we have something for the judge?
01:34I think we do, yeah,
01:35oh,
01:38uh,
01:40let me guess,
01:42portable double cassette deck,
01:44six way speaker system with plasma tweeters, am I close?
01:48that's what you told us, right?
01:50I love a surprise,
01:53merry Christmas,
01:55hey guys,
01:55look,
01:56this picture came out great,
01:57yeah,
01:58except it's a little blurry,
01:59cause Michael's mouth is moving,
02:00that's not my mouth moving,
02:01that's your hair,
02:02Pally,
02:02it's moving away from your forehead,
02:05showing quite a bit of skull there,
02:07babe,
02:07I don't see that,
02:10ah,
02:10just part my hair different,
02:12that's all,
02:13come on,
02:14come on,
02:14guys,
02:14I want that picture,
02:15I mean,
02:15just think,
02:1640 years from now,
02:17you're gonna look at these pictures and say,
02:18hey,
02:18look how young we look,
02:19just think,
02:20in 40 years,
02:21I'll be 55,
02:22and you guys will be,
02:23hey,
02:23hey,
02:24hey,
02:24hey,
02:24that's not so old,
02:25that's not so old,
02:26Nick,
02:27I mean,
02:27all I need to stay young anyway is miles and miles of this,
02:30that's right,
02:31he just needs miles and miles of shirt,
02:33no,
02:34heart,
02:34and soul,
02:35my unique one of a kind soul,
02:37as opposed to your off the rack,
02:39one soul fits all,
02:40would you not listen to him please,
02:41this guy has spent an entire life trying to walk down the road less traveled,
02:46well,
02:46what's wrong with that?
02:47what's wrong with that?
02:49look,
02:49honey,
02:50listen to me very carefully,
02:52the reason that the path is less traveled,
02:54it's a bad path,
02:56there's no bathrooms,
02:57no restaurants,
02:58no lodging,
02:58no nothing,
02:58it's a bad path,
02:59bad path,
03:00yeah,
03:01Nick,
03:01and then there's Michael's road,
03:02yes,
03:03one that's been traveled by many,
03:05straight and narrow,
03:06when you get to the end of that road,
03:08you look back and you say,
03:09what a waste of gas,
03:10yes,
03:12so,
03:12so I got two roads to choose?
03:14that's right,
03:14that's right,
03:14two roads,
03:15Nick,
03:15well,
03:16before I pick a road,
03:16I really have to know what kind of car we're talking about,
03:19depends,
03:20with me,
03:20you get four doors,
03:21leather interior,
03:23with Joey,
03:23it's a little smaller,
03:24but still fully equipped with 16 clowns,
03:26and a fire extinguisher,
03:28I'm just afraid that I'm right,
03:29Michael,
03:30because you don't know how to be different,
03:31I mean,
03:31you don't have a different bone in your body,
03:34and now,
03:35my different unique bones will take a nap,
03:38well,
03:39isn't this a wonderful traditional Norman Rockwell type of scene,
03:42father and daughter go off to prepare the holiday feast,
03:45while grampy geezer nods off and drools down his pillow,
03:50geezer,
03:53like you know,
04:16grampy geezer,
04:23Oh, my God.
05:08Oh, my God.
05:21I hear it in your laughter, and I feel it when you cry.
05:27I will be right there for you until the day I die.
05:32You can count on me.
05:35No matter what you do, you can count on me.
05:40No matter where you go, you can count on me.
05:54Oh, you all right?
05:59What'd you do, you put your teeth in backwards again?
06:03One of these days, you're going to bite the back of your head right off.
06:10I'm old.
06:12Here we go again.
06:15Joe, you are not old.
06:16You're not old.
06:17Listen to me.
06:18You are mature.
06:20You're distinguished.
06:20And you know what else?
06:22The women, they worship you.
06:24That always calms them down.
06:28What?
06:30You're old.
06:31Hey, who are you calling old, you decrepit sack of skin?
06:34Huh?
06:36I'm confused.
06:37What's she confused?
06:38You're old.
06:40Sit down.
06:41Relax.
06:41Look, watch some TV, huh?
06:43Your favorite show was on.
06:45Seventy-something.
06:50Where's the coal?
06:51What'd you forget?
06:52She's coming for dinner like she does every Christmas.
06:56Joe, when are you going to take this thing down, huh?
06:59It's art.
07:01It's art?
07:03I used to think it was garbage.
07:05I've had 40 years to think about it, though.
07:07Now I think it's old garbage.
07:10Hey, put some pants on your daughter's coming.
07:15Hey, it's the judge.
07:19Hey, judge, how come you didn't get old like Michael and me?
07:22I didn't feel like it.
07:25All right.
07:26You owe me one month's rent.
07:28A million dollars.
07:29A million dollars?
07:31Where am I going to get that kind of money?
07:33Same place you always do.
07:35From my rock-solid, stable, traditional, secure pocket.
07:40What did you say, judge?
07:41One million?
07:42There you go.
07:45Sorry, it was late.
07:46I forget about these things sometimes.
07:48I'm so busy taking care of Fossil Face here.
07:51Wait a minute.
07:52Wait a minute.
07:53Why are you taking care of me?
07:55After 40 years, I ought to be a famous artist.
08:01Oh, you think it's funny, huh?
08:03You think it's funny?
08:05Huh.
08:06You'll see.
08:06You'll see.
08:07I'm going to be discovered any minute now.
08:09Ding dong.
08:12I'm a famous art critic who just happened to be in the neighborhood looking for new talent to discover.
08:18See?
08:20Mind if I look around?
08:22Oh, please, please.
08:25Well, fame and fortune, here we come.
08:27You know, I usually hold off and don't make snap decisions.
08:32But that piece stinks.
08:36Stinks.
08:38But wait.
08:39Now this piece.
08:42Worse.
08:46Now, did you take that road less traveled?
08:53Just needs a little of the old Joey Harris charm.
09:01Hey, Lamb Chop.
09:02I'm thinking you, me, wine, dinner.
09:06What are you thinking?
09:07I'm thinking you, alone, saw food.
09:15You need to tell me women don't want me anymore.
09:17Want you for what, Joe?
09:22Oh, God, I can't remember.
09:25Joey, don't worry.
09:27As washed up and useless as you are, there are those who are far worse off.
09:33Merry Christmas.
09:37Oh?
09:38Is that you?
09:39Hi, Judge.
09:41Hi, Michael.
09:41Joey, I brought a special Christmas present for my special dad.
09:47I'll bring it in.
09:48You sit down.
09:49Must have done something right.
09:51My daughter still loves me.
09:58Boy, is this heavy.
10:01Is she crazy?
10:03Worse, Joe.
10:04Joe, she's a mime.
10:07Boy, I hope I can get this up these stairs.
10:14A bad mime.
10:17How did this happen?
10:19Well, she was on her way to medical school, Joe.
10:23Then, she decided to take the road less traveled.
10:26Whoa, did it get windy in here?
10:29Somebody better close the window.
10:34Am I responsible for this?
10:36Did I do this to my daughter?
10:38Well, you set the example, Joe.
10:40She would never listen to me.
10:42And now, look at her.
10:45Oh, no.
10:46I'm trapped in a box.
10:50Nicole, no.
10:51No, no.
10:52No, Nicole, don't listen to me.
10:54No, I was wrong.
10:56I was wrong.
10:57Don't follow my path.
10:58Michael was right.
10:59Go back to medical school.
11:00Get out of the box.
11:01Too late, Dad.
11:02I'm stuck in here.
11:04Stuck in here.
11:05Stuck in here.
11:06Stuck in here.
11:09No, Nick, get out of the box.
11:11Get out of the box.
11:14No, Nick, you're going to ruin your life.
11:17Dad, it's only nail polish.
11:19I mean, it might not go with the outfit,
11:20but I think I can survive.
11:23Huh?
11:24Dad, listen.
11:26My friends are here,
11:27and I was hoping you could help me explain
11:28our tree thing.
11:31Huh.
11:33I'm not sure.
11:35Me neither.
11:38Looks fine to me.
11:41Yeah, well, not to me.
11:44Not anymore.
11:46Taking it down, Nick.
11:48We're going to put up a traditional tree this year.
11:51Dad, you worked so hard on that.
11:53Yeah, well, it's worthless, all right?
11:54It stinks.
11:55Michael was right all along.
11:58And be a doctor.
12:02Whoa.
12:04It's a shame Michael wasn't awake to hear that.
12:14Leave me alone.
12:15Hey, don't put that on my face.
12:18Wait, what are you doing to my hair back there, huh?
12:21Where is my hair?
12:23Hey.
12:25Wait, what did you do to my hair?
12:2730 seconds, Mr. Taylor.
12:2930 seconds?
12:30To what?
12:3030 seconds to what?
12:31Hello?
12:32Hey, wait, wait.
12:33What happened to my hair?
12:34Hey, what is this, a crazy game?
12:36We'd like to think so.
12:38I'm Casey Kasem.
12:39Just wanted to come backstage before the show started and say, relax and enjoy.
12:44What show?
12:45Hey, Casey, where's my hair?
12:49Blaces, please.
12:51Ready, Mr. Taylor?
12:53You're beautiful.
12:54I love your dress.
12:56And I like your hat.
12:59It's not a hat, it's my hair.
13:03Let me ask you what, what the hell's going on here, huh?
13:07Okay, everybody, let's give a big, warm, hey, how are you?
13:11Welcome to Michael Taylor.
13:19He's tonight's very special guest of a very special Christmas edition of...
13:23Joey was right all along!
13:48Meet Michael Taylor.
13:50He's 73. He's all alone. His life is blown.
13:54And why? Because Joey was right all along.
14:00He was not. Joey Harris was not right about one thing. It's all life.
14:07Who's that?
14:08Oh, sorry. That's incorrect.
14:11So now here's my lovely bride, Jean, to hit you on the head.
14:17And without further ado, here's a man who in the last 40 years has become the single most beloved, influential,
14:24and important human being in the history of the world.
14:27A man so fabulous, we should all be ashamed of ourselves.
14:33Clap until you bleed for Joey!
14:44Clap.
14:57Joey, I don't have to tell you how fabulous you are.
15:00No, you know, Casey.
15:01So, Joey, why don't we start the show by telling everyone just how right you've been all along?
15:06Hey, go for it, babe.
15:09All right, then.
15:10Michael, listen carefully and see if you can guess who this is.
15:16Hey, Mr. Taylor, it's me, Shelby.
15:20That's right. It's Nicole's best friend, Shelby Haskell.
15:24And with her are two other faces you'll remember, Zach and Cory.
15:31Hi, kids.
15:32Hi, Casey.
15:34Why don't you tell Michael how Joey was right all along?
15:37Well, Mr. Taylor told us to get ordinary jobs and be ordinary people.
15:42But Joey said that if we wanted to lead happy and wonderful lives, we'd have to take the road less
15:47traveled, follow our dreams.
15:49So, what dream did you follow, kids?
15:51Well, Casey, I became a cowboy.
15:55I'm a ghostbuster.
15:58And I'm a professional organ donor.
16:02This is stupid.
16:05Jane with the hound.
16:10Our next guest was about to waste her life away as a Supreme Court justice until Joey showed her the
16:17error of her way.
16:19Now, she's a happy and wonderful human being and living out her lifelong dream to be an interpretive dancer.
16:26Please, let's have a warm Joey was right all along.
16:30Welcome for ex-judge, Margaret Wilbur.
16:39Hold it, Grace.
16:41Hold it right there, Joey.
16:42None of this is real.
16:43The judge wouldn't do that.
16:45Are you trying to tell me that everybody in the entire world listened to you and they turned out exactly
16:51perfect?
16:51Everybody's wonderful except me?
16:53Is that what I'm supposed to believe, huh?
16:55No, Michael?
16:57Not everybody.
16:59Casey?
16:59Right again, yo.
17:01One person didn't listen.
17:03Let's sneak a peek and see how that turned out.
17:08And here she is.
17:10A girl who was cruising down Easy Street until she took a wrong turn onto Michael Rose.
17:17Please welcome...
17:18Nicole?
17:20Is that you?
17:21She can't hear you.
17:22She can't hear you.
17:23What happened to her?
17:25Well, she followed your grave flannel advice, Michael.
17:28She lived a life with no passion, no excitement, no fun at all.
17:33Now she's lonely.
17:34Nicole?
17:35All alone?
17:36I don't believe that for a minute.
17:38Fluffy!
17:41Fluffy!
17:42Dinner!
17:45See?
17:46She's not alone.
17:47She married a guy named Fluffy.
17:50He's probably a doctor.
17:52Doctor Fluffy.
17:54Here!
17:55Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
17:58Okay, so he's not a doctor exactly.
18:02This fluffums one is din-din!
18:08Dear Nicole,
18:10most people think that all cats want to do is eat and sleep.
18:14Well, I want more and you can't give it to me.
18:19Chow, chow, chow.
18:21Fluffy.
18:23Yes.
18:24Sorry about that mess on your bed.
18:32Be brave, Nicole.
18:36This isn't the first time this has happened.
18:41What are you telling me?
18:43Cats leave her on a regular basis?
18:46That's big-time lonely, Michael.
18:50Okay, okay.
18:51I'll bet you right there that a good friend's gonna invite her to a big Christmas party.
18:55Hello?
18:57Yes?
18:58No, I don't need any aluminum siding.
19:01Wait, wait, wait, don't hang up.
19:03What's your name?
19:05Bob?
19:06Goodness, what an exotic name.
19:10Nicole, hang up.
19:12Don't talk to aluminum, Bob.
19:15Bob, it's Christmas Eve.
19:17Get a life.
19:20Oh, you're recording?
19:23Well, are you single?
19:26This is pathetic.
19:28I never wanted this to happen, Joe.
19:30I just, I wanted her to have a safe, secure life.
19:33It's your fault, Michael.
19:34It's all your fault.
19:35I can't believe it.
19:36Yeah, well, it's your fault.
19:37I never want, I can't believe it.
19:39It's your fault.
19:39Joey was right.
19:40Joey was right.
19:42Joey was right.
19:46Joey was right.
19:53Fluffy?
20:05You're right.
20:21You're right.
20:34What are you doing?
20:39Hey, you put my tree back up.
20:41That's right.
20:43I thought you called it garbage.
20:45Well, Joe, that's one of the things about the holiday season
20:47is that you learn to respect other people's garbage.
20:54That's beautiful, babe.
20:57Hey, you know what I'm thinking?
20:58I'm thinking that maybe I don't want my daughter
21:02to think that my road's the only road.
21:05Maybe there's something to be said for predictability.
21:07Predictability, yeah.
21:08Well, you know, there's also something to be said
21:10for that thing you do with your life, Joe.
21:16So what, are we having a moment here or what?
21:19I guess so.
21:22Is it over?
21:23I sure hope so.
21:25All right.
21:26Hey, listen.
21:27There you go, buddy.
21:29Merry Christmas to you.
21:30You know what?
21:32Right back at you, Slappy.
21:34Thanks, man.
21:39Oh, hey.
21:41Well, I wanted to get you something
21:42that you weren't going to get for yourself.
21:43Hey, bingo.
21:46Oh, look at this.
21:47An earring.
21:49Well, I'm going to have to put that right in my drawer.
21:54No, you know what?
21:55We do that every year, Joe.
21:56We get each other presents that we think
21:57the other guy should have.
21:58Yeah, then we take them back.
22:00No, not this year.
22:01This year, we are going to have a new understanding,
22:03and I am going to keep my earring.
22:07Yeah?
22:08You bet.
22:09Well, then I'm going to keep my time.
22:12All right.
22:14Receipts in a box.
22:18Two dads.
22:19Two trees.
22:21I love you guys.
22:24See, Nicole thinks that we argue all the time.
22:27Maybe you should tell her about this new friendship
22:29and understanding that we've got.
22:30That's what the holiday's all about, right?
22:33Presents!
22:33One mistake.
22:37I want to thank you one and all.
22:39I love this.
22:40I boogied all night.
22:43Hey, let's crank up some tunes here, Judge.
22:46Hi, this is Casey Kasem,
22:48counting down America's favorite holiday music.
22:50He's fat, he's jolly, and he's coming your way.
22:53So, sit back and enjoy.
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