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00:16Oh, my God.
00:32Are you going to cut that out?
00:33Will you come on? You said five minutes and we're going to eat. I'm starving.
00:35I'm working. If I don't work, we all starve.
00:38Hey, you know, I happened to make a lot of money last month.
00:40Oh, really? What, the price of blood go up?
00:44Can't you find something to do?
00:49Okay.
00:51Hello, Mr. Rendell. Can I see you for a moment in here, please?
00:53What are you doing? This is an office. People are busy. Why do you have to bother everybody?
00:58That don't bother everybody. Just this body.
01:04Well, hello, Mr. Harris.
01:06Ah, Joey.
01:07So nice to see you again.
01:09So very, very nice.
01:12Oh, will you be coming to our office party again this year?
01:14Hey, give me one good reason. That's a good one.
01:19Hello? Me? Office? Boss?
01:22Oh, yes, Mr. Taylor. I'm sorry. Was there something you wanted?
01:26No. It was a false alarm.
01:27We were teaching Joey how to push buttons, and when he gets it right, he gets a little pellet of
01:32kibble.
01:35That's funny.
01:41Why are you always trying to make me look stupid, huh?
01:46Because you're there.
01:49You should see what's going on out there. I mean, the phones and the computers and that machine that goes
01:53tickety-tackety, tickety-tackety.
01:55Yeah, the tickety-tackety machine. The very nerve center of the entire tickety-tackety department.
01:59it. I love coming here and watching you do what you do. What do you do? I'll show you what
02:08he does,
02:08Nick. Hello, Velnick. Bye. Schmelick. Sell. Wait a minute. I got a call on line nine.
02:16Yes, Mr. Kelcher. Fine, Mr. Kelcher. Anything you say, Mr. Kelcher.
02:24Hello, Mr. Kelcher. Harris, you're fired. I don't work for you. That makes me smart.
02:29So, Taylor, a little quality time with your adorable but strange family. I'm tingling.
02:34I'm over it. Taylor, I've been asked to teach a college credit economics course in the NYU
02:40night school program. That's great, Herb. Good for the company, huh? Every little bit of
02:44credibility helps. Congratulations. Thanks. Boy, I wish I could do it. Why can't you, sir?
02:49I don't feel like it. It's three nights a week and I got a life. On the other hand, there's
02:54you.
02:59Yes, Mr. Kelcher. Anything you say, Mr. Kelcher. Herb, I got to tell you, three nights a week,
03:04that's just too big a bite out of my personal time. Come here. Take a look at that view, huh?
03:10What do you see out there? All the way down at the bottom. Subway? And would you like to live
03:16there?
03:18No. Bula, bula, Taylor. You got the literature. Nicole, good to see you. Harris, get a job.
03:23Wow. Professor Dad, what do you think? I think it's great. Yeah? Hey, look at this. They got an
03:33opening for an art teacher. How about it, Nick? Me? I couldn't do it. I don't know anything about art.
03:43Oh, you. Well, sure, Dad. Wait a minute here. What are you saying, huh? You saying that I'm not
03:50smart enough to teach? Well, now that I think about it, why, you would be exactly as great a teacher
03:59as Michael. Maybe even better. He bought it. It really bothers you, doesn't it, huh? It really
04:10bothers you that I may be as qualified in my field as you are in yours. It says here all
04:15you need is
04:16experience as an artist. Got it. Three references. Got it. And a college diploma.
04:24Let's go eat.
04:36You can count on me. No matter what you do. You can count on me. No matter where you go.
04:46I'm standing by your side. I'll be right there. No one knows you more than I do. Put your hand
04:54in mine.
04:55You can count on me. I can see a part of me in you. There's something special that comes shining
05:03through. I hear it in your laughter. And I feel it when you cry. I will be right there for
05:12you until the day I die.
05:14You can count on me. No matter what you do. You can count on me. No matter where you go.
05:25You can count on me.
05:42Are you okay, Joey? Yeah, I'm fine. You're upset because you can't teach that art class.
05:48I'm fine, Nick. I'm fine. I would have liked to have seen that, too. Joey Harris, the man whose very
05:54name strikes fear in the hearts of teachers. To see him on the receiving end for a change, that would
05:59have been nice.
06:00What are you talking about? What, high school chemistry teacher?
06:04Who, Mr. Van Gack?
06:05Mr. Van Gack, exactly. Didn't he try and have you arrested?
06:08Ah, he overreacted.
06:10What happened?
06:11Ah, nothing, Nick. It was a chemistry experiment. Joey made napalm.
06:17Hey, most of his hair grew bad.
06:22You were crazy then, too, right?
06:24Yeah, I was just, uh, making a political statement, Nick. That's all.
06:28I like that you're crazy. I have one crazy dad and one smart dad.
06:36I'm gonna go get started on my homework now.
06:38Okay.
06:45What?
06:46Now you got Nicole doing it.
06:48Doing what?
06:48Calling me dumb.
06:50She didn't call you dumb. She called you crazy.
06:52Hey, dumb, crazy, what's the difference?
06:54Well, if you were smart, you know the difference.
06:57Come on, your turn. Get me back.
06:59Well, just because I didn't graduate college, that doesn't mean I'm dumb, okay?
07:02I mean, I could have finished if I wanted to.
07:04I didn't say you couldn't.
07:05I never even understood why you didn't.
07:07What, you were one course shy?
07:08One course. Joe, that's so, that's like being inches from the top of Mount Everest and going,
07:12Hey, everybody, let's go back down for some Ovaltine.
07:16I never needed a diploma for anything I wanted to do.
07:18Yeah? Thought you wanted to teach this art class.
07:21Oh, so you're saying that without that piece of paper, I'm too dumb to teach?
07:24Oh, I'm not saying that. A learning institution filled with smart people saying that.
07:28I'm kidding.
07:30Joe, this is the foundation about friendship.
07:32You kid me all the time.
07:33You always kid me about being an uptight corporate robot.
07:37At all, not in that many syllables.
07:40I'm kidding.
07:42Well, maybe I'm just too dumb to get the joke.
07:45Hey, Joe, look.
07:47Nobody here is making you feel dumb except you.
07:50You're the one who didn't finish what you started 12 years ago.
07:53If you're worried about what Nicole thinks, why don't you think about that, huh?
07:57Where you going?
07:58Hey, Nicole wouldn't be thinking anything, Mikey,
08:00if you didn't walk around with your brains hanging out all the time.
08:03Let me tell you something.
08:05Hey, you don't have to be smart to graduate college,
08:06and I'm gonna prove that to you.
08:15The man does it to himself.
08:25Well, hello.
08:26I'm Michael Taylor, and welcome to Intro to Economics.
08:31Now, I know a lot of you are taking this course because it's required.
08:35And I also know that a lot of you would rather be home chewing aluminum foil than here with me.
08:40Before we start, do we have any questions at all?
08:48You're gonna call on me?
08:50You betcha.
08:52Yes, you are?
08:54Susan Williamson.
08:55And your question is what?
08:58Well, I'm not very good with numbers,
08:59and I was wondering if I needed a little extra help after class.
09:03Would you be available?
09:10You're a teacher.
09:11You're a man.
09:12You're a teacher.
09:13You're a man.
09:15You're here to teach.
09:16You're a man.
09:17It wouldn't be ethical.
09:19You're not here teaching ethics.
09:22Mr. Taylor.
09:23What?
09:25Mr. Taylor, I'd just like to tell you that I'm here to cram as much of your knowledge into my
09:29head as I possibly can.
09:30And at the risk of sounding like I'm trying to flatter you,
09:33may I just say I think you're the single greatest mind in economics today.
09:38You, what were you, you were saying something, huh?
09:43Hey, hey, hey.
09:44Sorry I'm late, teach.
09:46What are you doing here?
09:47Well, I came to get my diploma.
09:49I was, uh, one course shy, remember?
09:51Guess what?
09:53Economics was that course, babe.
09:54Oh, come on.
09:55A registration card.
09:58Hi.
10:00Joey Harris.
10:03Artist.
10:05Lover.
10:08Economist.
10:11Excuse me.
10:13This is not a registration card.
10:15Oh, oh.
10:20Oh, it's the formula for napalm.
10:33How you doing, sport?
10:36I'm hunky-dory.
10:39Having trouble with Joey in your class?
10:42Joey the class clown?
10:43Joey the practical joker?
10:44Gee, what makes you think that?
10:46Oh, gee, what makes you think that?
10:54You want to talk about it?
10:56Ah, it's been three weeks and it's no better.
11:00He's mad at me for some Joey reason and so he's not doing a work in class and he disrupts
11:06the whole class.
11:07He's making me look like an idiot.
11:09So flunk him.
11:11I can't.
11:12He'll get all defensive about being stupid.
11:15So pass him.
11:17I can't.
11:18He's stupid.
11:21Well, when judges are too emotionally involved in a case to be impartial,
11:26they step down and bring in another judge.
11:30Usually a hanging judge.
11:33Usually me.
11:36You know anything about economics?
11:39Nope.
11:41Tell me about hanging.
11:46I'm basing the analysis on the rapid descent of the current economic indicators
11:51and in conjunction with the listlessness of the commodities market.
11:55So as you can see from pie chart number 87, a trend that I have forecast is inevitable.
12:02Ow!
12:04Hey, you could have put my eye out like that.
12:07Ow!
12:08Mr. Taylor!
12:10Mr. Taylor!
12:12Sorry, what's wrong?
12:14Whenever you're not looking, you're shooting spitballs.
12:21Mr. Mott, I apologize for the whole class.
12:25I want to thank you for that enlightening and endless presentation.
12:30You're my inspiration, sir.
12:35Mr. Harris, maybe you'd like to share your homework with the class.
12:38Oh, but wait a minute.
12:39You probably didn't do it, did you?
12:41No, as a matter of fact, I did do it.
12:44Are you kidding?
12:46You made a pie chart?
12:47It was the assignment, wasn't it?
12:49Yeah.
12:51Yeah.
12:57That's your pie chart?
12:58It was extra cheese.
13:01Hey, teach.
13:02Do I get extra credit for extra cheese?
13:06I'd like to talk to you in the hall, please.
13:08Now.
13:13I'm in big trouble now.
13:23Hey, hey, don't tell me.
13:24Don't tell me.
13:24A plus, huh?
13:25No.
13:26A plus plus.
13:27Why are you doing this, Joe, huh?
13:29Hey, I'm just trying to brighten up your boring class, Michael.
13:32You're not even trying to learn this stuff.
13:34Hey, maybe you're not reaching me, huh?
13:36Hey, maybe Mr. Smart Diploma doesn't have what it takes to teach a class.
13:41You know, I've tried everything.
13:42I have tried everything I can do.
13:44I put up with all your silly little jokes.
13:46But you are determined to ruin this course.
13:49You know what?
13:50I can't let that happen, Joe.
13:53Oh, yeah?
13:53So what are you going to do, flunk me?
13:54Oh, no.
13:55I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of blaming your failure on me.
13:59I'm bringing in a hanging judge.
14:01Huh?
14:03Okay.
14:05Let's party.
14:19All right, class.
14:20One more time.
14:21My name is Herb.
14:22Kelscher.
14:22From the firm of Taft.
14:24Kelscher.
14:24And Taft is?
14:25Dead.
14:26Very good.
14:26All right.
14:27Now, where were you when Mr. Taylor left off?
14:31Asleep.
14:33Oh, really?
14:34Well, and you're about to have a nightmare.
14:36Know why?
14:37Tell you why.
14:38Of course, we're having a surprise final on Friday.
14:40We weren't supposed to have a final.
14:43Surprise.
14:46Excuse me, sir.
14:47I just spent the last four weeks sucking up to Mr. Taylor.
14:49Is that transferable?
14:52Okay, I see how this class works.
14:54You're the class kissy bottom.
14:56You're the class clown.
15:01And you're going to pass.
15:02Okay, everybody, go home.
15:04And as you file out, don't forget to thank Mr. Harris for the fact that I'm here.
15:20Mr. Kelscher, what are you doing?
15:21I committed someone from my firm to teach this class, and Taylor couldn't hack it.
15:25Because he's your buddy, and he didn't have the heart to flunk you.
15:28Now, me, I'm all heart.
15:32Maybe we can, uh, cut some kind of deal here, huh?
15:36Deal?
15:36Sure, deals are the cornerstone of economics.
15:38What's your deal?
15:39How about I behave in the class, and I pass?
15:43I don't care how you behave, Harris.
15:45You got a final coming up.
15:47Take it in a funny hat and big floppy feet if you want.
15:49But you're going to earn your grade.
15:50And you fail that test, you're out.
15:53Now, you got anything to say?
15:58Yes, Mr. Kelscher, fine.
15:59Mr. Kelscher, anything you say, Mr. Kelscher?
16:02Bingo!
16:15If the red line represents supply, and the blue line represents demand, what occurs when they intersect?
16:24Purple.
16:27Joe, piece of advice.
16:29Cheat on a test.
16:31Hey, the way you teach, that's not a bad idea.
16:37You know what's great about school?
16:39I get to go there now.
16:41Bye.
16:48See what you did?
16:49See, now you got her feeling uncomfortable.
16:51What did I do?
16:52Yeah, because you keep taking cheap shots at me, trying to make me look stupid.
16:55When?
16:56When did I ever actually try to make you look stupid?
16:58All the time.
16:59No, give me one example.
17:00When?
17:02Alice Zimmer, 11th grade, okay?
17:03She sat next to you in trigonometry class.
17:06Remember?
17:06Yeah.
17:06I told you I thought she was kind of cute.
17:08Maybe you could put in a good word for me.
17:09I did.
17:09I did.
17:10I swear I did.
17:11I told her that you had a very deep and sensitive understanding of women.
17:14And that someday we'd like to be one?
17:19That's funny.
17:21Hey, Mikey, you do it all the time.
17:23I mean, it's like you're on automatic insult.
17:25I mean, look, sometimes I think it's funny, too, but not all the time.
17:28All right?
17:29Especially when some people are listening.
17:31Like my daughter.
17:33I mean, let's face it, Mikey.
17:35Look, I can't compete with you when it comes to that.
17:38I mean, you're real smart.
17:39You say some real smart, funny things, and I just can't do that.
17:43So I'm the dumb friend.
17:45You see?
17:48All right.
17:50Sorry.
17:51What does that have to do with the way you acted in my class?
17:54Why did you do that?
17:57Because I wanted to get my diploma and teach at first.
18:00And I'd be as smart as you.
18:02We'd both be teaching and we'd be even.
18:05And I realized there's no way that I'm going to pass.
18:07So I figured I'd make you look as dumb as me.
18:09And we're still even.
18:14Pretty stupid, huh?
18:16Who said that you couldn't pass?
18:18You didn't even try.
18:20Oh, come on.
18:20I can't.
18:21I mean, economics is the reason I couldn't pass 12 years ago.
18:24When I see numbers and charts, my eyes roll behind my head, I see nothing.
18:29Except for a little note.
18:30It says, dear Joey, see you after class.
18:33Finally, your brain.
18:35I mean, I get that way, too.
18:37When?
18:38Whenever I look at your paintings.
18:40That's not a put-down.
18:41Really.
18:42That's not.
18:42That's the truth.
18:43It's not just your art.
18:44Anything.
18:45Anything abstract.
18:46I look at anything abstract and I don't get it.
18:49I just don't get it.
18:51Come on.
18:51Are you kidding me?
18:52What about that painting on the wall?
18:53I mean, you looked at that.
18:54You understood exactly what it meant.
18:56You said you liked the way the angles work.
18:58I was talking about the frame.
19:01I don't get it.
19:02I, you know.
19:03Everybody likes your art.
19:04And I don't get it.
19:05So, so I put it down.
19:08So why do you got to put me down?
19:11Because everybody likes you and I don't get it.
19:15Hey, wait a minute.
19:16Wait, what are you saying?
19:17Are you telling me that you're jealous of me?
19:21I'm just saying that sometimes we'll go someplace together and some people don't seem to notice me.
19:29Sometimes.
19:31Because, you know, you're, you know, you're taller and you got that, that boyish grin thing going in and then,
19:36then you get around women and you kind of, you, you twinkle.
19:41I twinkle?
19:44Look, what I'm trying to say is maybe, maybe I put you down sometimes so I can even the score
19:49too.
19:59How do I twinkle?
20:01Forget the twinkle, would you?
20:03Forget the twinkle.
20:04Look, the big thing I'm trying to say is I never thought you were dumb.
20:08You, you could, you could pass economics and you, you could, you could get your degree and become the art
20:13teacher you want to be.
20:14All you need to finish what you started 12 years ago is, is the right attitude and the right teacher.
20:19Well, I got the right attitude now.
20:21Well, you just need the right teacher.
20:37Peel it.
20:48Hey, Nick, you know, you didn't have to walk me all the way to the door.
20:51Well, I thought you might be nervous.
20:53No, I'm fine.
20:54Really, I'm, I'm fine.
20:56All right.
20:59Joey.
21:00What?
21:02Do you think I like Michael better because I said that he was smart and I said you were crazy?
21:08No.
21:09Hey, no way, Nick.
21:11No.
21:12Yeah, yeah.
21:14Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did.
21:16Uh, I did.
21:17Especially around that time when you, you know, you made a big fuss over Michael teaching and, I don't know,
21:23I kind of felt like the lesser of two dads, I guess.
21:26You're not.
21:28But, so if you're doing this because of me, you don't have to.
21:33Yes, I do.
21:35I mean, not because you're going to love me any less or you're going to think that Michael's smarter than
21:38me, but you got to finish what you start.
21:43Michael could teach you economics, but that's something that I could teach you.
21:49You're still my crazy dad.
21:52That's the way I like it.
21:55All right.
21:57Here I go.
21:58Hey, how do I look, all right?
22:02You're twinkling.
22:07Hey, I do that, don't I?
22:25Hey, I'm Joey Harris.
22:27I'll be your new art teacher for this semester.
22:31And, uh, I want to say it, I'm really proud to be here.
22:34Because, uh, I just got my diploma.
22:37So this is my first class.
22:39Now listen, I don't want anybody to be nervous, okay?
22:41Because we're going to draw something today, and you may look at it, and you may just throw up.
22:46You know, I may do the same thing.
22:48I may throw up, too.
22:50But, uh, it's okay, because we'll try it again until we get it right.
22:54All you need is the right teacher.
22:59Who did that?
22:59You know, we're going to try it again.
23:02You know, look there.
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