- 7 hours ago
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00:10Oh man, taste these eggs.
00:13Well, you make it sound so darn appealing.
00:15Why don't you spit on it first?
00:17Just taste it, taste it, taste it.
00:19Why is it when something tastes lousy, everybody wants to share it?
00:23All I'm asking you to do is taste the eggs.
00:25Why do you got to make a federal case at everything?
00:26I'm not making a federal case.
00:28I just don't want to taste your lousy eggs.
00:30Either eat the lousy eggs or send them back.
00:31Let me eat my breakfast in peace, would you?
00:34Whoa, taste this.
00:38Excuse me, miss, these eggs, they're, what's the word I'm looking for?
00:43Stink.
00:44Exactly.
00:45Would you like me to get the chef?
00:46Yeah, could you please get Julian out here?
00:49What is it with Julian?
00:49Usually he cooks fine.
00:51Remember what he told us?
00:52That a good cook tries to make each dish a reflection of his own personality?
00:56This cook is salty, crusty, and tough.
00:58You wanted to see me?
01:02You cook these eggs?
01:04Yeah.
01:05Julian's not here yet, so I made you breakfast.
01:07What do you think?
01:08Oh, that's good.
01:09He's all right.
01:12Julian's are always fluffy, and he never puts enough shell in the eggs.
01:17Morning, everybody.
01:19Sorry I'm late, Judge, but I didn't get here on time.
01:24Why not?
01:25Because I was running the girls through a last-minute workout before the big swim meet this afternoon.
01:30Can I get those for y'all?
01:31Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:33No, no, no.
01:37Julian says if we stick with his training program, we can have real thick necks someday.
01:43Yeah.
01:46What I've always wanted for you, honey.
01:49And a season of swimming will really build up our bodies.
01:52And then, goodbye, Donna.
01:55Who's Donna?
01:56That's a friend in Nicole's.
01:58Not my friend.
01:59Shelby's friend.
02:00Not my friend.
02:01Apparently, Donna has no friends.
02:04Guys, Donna's at the bus stop.
02:07Ha, ha, ha.
02:16So that's Donna.
02:23What do you mean?
02:29That's little Donna?
02:31So what?
02:32So, so she developed over the summer.
02:35So her chest grew, so it doesn't affect us.
02:38And it doesn't change the way Corey and Zach feel about me.
02:42Corey, Zach, hi.
02:45Where are you guys going?
02:47Nowhere.
02:50Uh, hurry up.
03:02You can count on me
03:05No matter what you do
03:08You can count on me
03:10No matter where you go
03:13Standing by your side
03:15I'll be right behind
03:16No one loves you more than I do
03:20Put your hand in mine
03:50I can see a part of me
03:51Go, you can count on me
03:56Yeah, I think she's carrying this wear
03:57And I built like Donna Mahoney thing
03:59A little too far, don't you think?
04:00I was so looking forward to this swim meet
04:02I really was
04:03I was gonna be in the stands
04:04Bragging to the other fathers
04:05I was gonna go
04:06You see that girl in the lead?
04:07That's my daughter
04:09Yeah, but she wasn't in the lead, Mikey
04:11No, she was not
04:12Why wasn't she in the lead?
04:14She was embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit
04:16So she went swimming in her bathrobe, Joe
04:20Man, I don't know what she was so embarrassed about, though
04:22I mean, just because, like, 300 guys with binoculars showed up to see Donna in her bathing suit
04:28It's so silly
04:29I mean, in a little bit of time, all these girls are gonna catch up with each other
04:32Nobody's gonna remember who was the first girl to develop
04:34Yeah, right, like, we can remember the first girl to develop in high school
04:38Babette Friedlander
04:42Yeah, but we weren't just attracted to her body, we were attracted to her mind
04:45Oh, yes, that's true
04:47Remember when her mind wore that pink sweater?
04:50Oh, was she smart that day?
04:55Yeah, she had a couple of great ideas
04:58See, now, God is gonna get us for this
05:01God is gonna get us
05:01How do you figure?
05:02Because now, we have to raise our own daughter through this whole female development thing
05:06Oh, no, no, no
05:08You don't think she's gonna come to us for that, do you?
05:10Hey, we're her fathers
05:11You know, we better come up with an answer
05:13Or an incredible simulation
05:14All right, I'll tell you what
05:15You simulate, and I'll stand there and go like this
05:20Fine, fine
05:21You want to avoid the issue?
05:22That's fine, but not me, Pally
05:23She needs me, and I am gonna be here for her
05:28Hi, honey, you wanna talk about this?
05:31No!
05:33Thank God
05:41Shelby, listen to this one
05:43Thanks to a new Swedish invention, you could add inches to your bust line
05:48Inches I got?
05:49I want to be able to knock things over
05:57Here's what our satisfied customers are saying about the amazing
06:01Booz-o-matic
06:04Mary Wilmont of Ithaca, New York says
06:06In just six weeks, I went from an A-cup to a windsock
06:11Oh, and listen to this
06:12From a Babette Friedlander
06:14I've been using this since I'm 15
06:16How do you shut this thing off?
06:21How are the exercises going?
06:26Swell, I went from itty to bitty
06:30That's it, I'm eating chocolates
06:31If I eat chocolates, I'll get fat
06:33If I get fat, some of it is bound to end up in the right places
06:37Come on
06:38I mean, maybe we're making too much out of this
06:40I mean, that's all it is
06:41A big bunch of fat
06:43Does it really matter?
06:44Did you see the way Cory and Zach were looking at Donna?
06:48What's that, nougat?
06:51I blame Donna
06:52So do I
06:53Last semester, she was nothing
06:55What happened?
06:56When's it gonna happen to us?
06:59What if it doesn't?
07:05All right, all right
07:05Listen, how about this then, okay?
07:07We tell her that she is a very special girl
07:09Right, and that she's got a lot of great qualities
07:11That some special guy is gonna recognize
07:14When that special guy comes along
07:19What, you can do better?
07:20Boring
07:21Come on, she doesn't want to talk to us about this
07:22So it's okay
07:23It's not a big deal, okay?
07:25Look, until she's comfortable enough
07:26To come to us with this
07:28Then nothing has happened
07:29Nothing has changed
07:43Hey, Dads
07:45Hey, Nick
07:56So
08:02What's new?
08:09Nothing
08:12Why?
08:14Not nothing
08:16I just, uh
08:18Noticed something looked different
08:21Was it just in your hair or something?
08:24Same hair
08:25Really?
08:26Same hair?
08:27Yeah, funny
08:28Somehow it looks
08:28Looks bigger
08:33Come on, Nick
08:34Where do you think you're going with this?
08:39With those
08:41Out
08:42I'm going to see how my life changes
08:44Your life's not changing
08:46You are
08:48Just take those out of your shirt
08:49And put them back in a Kleenex box
08:51Where they belong, huh?
08:53Hey, Nick
08:54Listen
08:55Listen
08:55You guys
08:56You know
08:56You're both smart
08:58And you're pretty
08:58And you got a lot of great qualities
09:00Now that's all that matters
09:07You don't know anything
09:15Look, look what you did
09:16What did I do?
09:17I said that she's smart
09:18And she's pretty
09:19Yeah, exactly
09:20How would you like it
09:21If somebody said that to you?
09:25You think I would like it
09:32So what's the problem?
09:34Well
09:35You know
09:36You know when a kid wants a puppy
09:37And she's got to have that puppy
09:39And she's going to die
09:40If she doesn't get that puppy
09:41So you go to the pet store
09:42And you buy her a puppy
09:43So?
09:44So
09:44Nicole wants breasts
09:47See, our friend Donna's got them
09:49And now Nicole wants them
09:50Everybody wants them
09:51They're all the rage
09:54Well
09:55Kids don't always get what they want
09:57Yeah, well
09:58She's real depressed, Judge
09:59I mean, she hates her body
10:00She hates her friend Donna
10:01I think she hates us
10:02We figure a half hour with you
10:04Happy kid
10:05Thank you
10:06She hates her friend Donna
10:08Yeah
10:08And believe me
10:10We really appreciate you talking to her
10:11Right
10:12And we wouldn't dream of imposing
10:13If it weren't for the fact that
10:14Well
10:15We do it all the time
10:16You seem to enjoy it
10:18Yeah, I don't know what we do without you, Judge
10:21You're about to find out
10:22Eh?
10:23What?
10:24Not this time
10:26Nothing I can do to make her look different
10:29Yeah, but, you know
10:30Maybe, you know
10:30You could just say something
10:31To make her feel comfortable
10:33Except I'm not comfortable
10:34Talking to her about it
10:35Why?
10:37I don't want to go into it
10:38You're the parents
10:39Handle it
10:41Well, yeah, but, Judge
10:42What she needs is a woman
10:44That's you
10:45What she needs is a couple of boobs
10:56That's you
11:05You know, sweetie
11:06There comes a time
11:07In every girl's life
11:08How do you know?
11:10Huh?
11:12What happens in a girl's life?
11:14I'm saying
11:15How do you know?
11:18Okay
11:21Well, let's start again
11:23This is going to be all about
11:25How all I have to do is wait
11:26And then nature will take its course
11:28And everything is going to turn out all right
11:30And there is a tooth fairy
11:31Look, Nick
11:32We're men, okay?
11:33And we're telling you
11:34That none of this matters at all
11:35Right
11:36Now, Zach and Corey
11:37They may be all turned around about this
11:38That's because they're not used to the physical thing
11:40See?
11:41When they get older
11:42It's not going to matter to them at all
11:44That's right
11:50You're older
11:51Right
11:52And the physical thing doesn't matter to you
11:56No
11:56I'm not attracted to what
11:58I'm attracted to the who
11:59What about Inga?
12:01Who?
12:04In defense of Joey
12:06What about Brenda?
12:07Brenda?
12:07Brenda was a woman?
12:10See, I was not even paying attention
12:12That entire relationship
12:13That was a business thing, really
12:15And I always felt
12:16Hey, come on
12:17This is not about us
12:18This is about you, all right?
12:19And listen
12:19It's very sound advice we're giving you
12:22It's very good
12:23What we're saying
12:23We're very good parents
12:24Maybe
12:27We all know the facts
12:28You two aren't any different
12:30From Corey and Zach
12:31The only difference is
12:32You two have been at it longer
12:34That is just not true
12:35Look
12:36Yes, okay
12:36We will admit
12:37A full-figured woman is very attractive
12:39But that's not what a guy falls in love with
12:41You know?
12:41You fall in love
12:42With the whole person
12:43Okay
12:44Okay, then let's take two whole people
12:47Exactly the same
12:49Same eyes
12:51Same hair
12:51Same personality
12:52Except one has them
12:54And one doesn't
12:55Which one do you fall in love with?
12:59Well, that's
13:01How could you
13:02Exactly the same hair?
13:08Yes
13:09Nobody's got exactly the same hair
13:11It's an
13:12It's an impossible question
13:13You can't even answer
13:14It's an impossible question
13:15It's my hypothetical question
13:16And I say it's possible
13:17So answer
13:18Well, it's possible
13:19Maybe
13:20Maybe I don't want either one
13:22They're your fantasy women
13:23Then I want them both
13:25You can't have them both
13:27It's my fantasy
13:27I want them both
13:31I can't talk to you
13:32Hey, come on
13:33Nick, we're your fathers
13:34We're trying to understand
13:35What you're going through, okay?
13:36We're just trying to help you
13:37Well
13:39Thanks for trying
13:40Good night
13:41Good night
13:43You got your keys?
13:45I don't need my keys
13:47I can just slide in
13:48For the mail slots
13:56How can they have
13:57Exactly the same hair?
13:59They just do
14:00Well, are they twins or what?
14:02No, they're not twins
14:03One of them has them
14:04One of them doesn't
14:05Has what?
14:06Wigs?
14:08What?
14:08What wigs?
14:09Well, if they're not twins
14:10How else would they have
14:11The same type of hair?
14:13Julian, it's hypothetical
14:15Oh, well
14:16I gotta back off
14:17If this is a religious thing
14:21You do have to feel bad
14:23For your kid
14:23Fifteen's a tough age
14:24So many changes
14:25I was short and skinny
14:27I hadn't blossomed yet
14:31Well, you're in full bloom now, babe
14:36Hello, Mr. Harris
14:37Mr. Taylor
14:38If you're too busy to talk to us
14:40You can just ignore us
14:41Playing poker here, guys
14:46This will take 90 seconds
14:48That's fine
14:48Good, yeah
14:49We'll just sit here and play solitaire
14:51I'll deal
14:54What's up, guys?
14:55You know, I was really looking forward to this party
14:58I bought the shirt
14:59I even gargled
15:00Yeah, and I asked Nicole to dance
15:02She says no
15:03I said, you wanna talk?
15:05She said no
15:05She just sat there in the corner all night
15:07With Shelby and those other girls
15:09She didn't even look at me
15:10What did we do?
15:12Was Donna at this party?
15:14Oh, yeah
15:14Yeah
15:16Did you, by chance, stare at Donna at the party?
15:21Why would we stare at Donna?
15:23Yeah, why would we even look at...
15:25DJ?
15:26How could you not look at Donna?
15:28I mean, my brain is saying
15:29Look away, look away
15:31But my eyes are saying
15:32Dixieland
15:37Are we evil?
15:39Nah, look
15:40Look, you guys
15:41You guys are in hormone hell
15:44I mean, the good ones
15:46The good ones are making you grow
15:48Mature
15:48You know, shave
15:50The other ones are making you go
15:53Gotcha
15:54And once in a while
15:56That dark side is gonna win
15:57What are you gonna do?
15:58That's right
15:58So you're saying this isn't our fault?
16:00No, man
16:01You guys are natural
16:02You're normal, that's it
16:03So you're saying
16:04We shouldn't feel guilty
16:05About what our hormones are making us do?
16:07No, absolutely not
16:09Unless
16:09Unless you have to be in the same room
16:10With our daughter
16:11In which case
16:11You better kiss your hormones goodbye
16:14Oh, my bad hormones
16:16Have nothing but respect for Nicole
16:17Mine are afraid of her
16:20Good
16:21You feel better now?
16:22Yeah
16:22Yeah, thanks for talking to us
16:23All right
16:24Hey, come on
16:24You guys know the doors are always open for you
16:26Yeah?
16:27Can we join you for some poker?
16:28No, get out of here
16:35You know, for a couple of guys
16:36Who think they're lousy parents
16:37You did a good job with those two
16:39Hey
16:40That was easy
16:41Yeah, that's because they're boys
16:43I mean, I wish we had that kind of luck
16:44With our daughter
16:44Boys, boys
16:45You're missing the point
16:46Which is
16:47You're boys
16:48This is
16:50Mom's area
16:50Yeah
16:51Unfortunately, there's no mom in the area
16:53Exactly why you need the judge
16:55Yeah, but the judge is avoiding us
16:57Yeah, she never avoids us
16:58This time she's avoiding us
17:00Hey, at the risk of seeming wise
17:01I've seen the way she cares about your kid
17:04The judge is about the closest thing
17:06Nicole has to her mother in this world
17:09You remind the judge of that
17:11And watch what happens
17:22Hi
17:24Hi
17:25Where are my dads?
17:27The game moved to Julian's
17:29So what are you doing here?
17:31Your dads tell me you've got a problem
17:34You got a problem?
17:36Problem?
17:37No, how can you have a problem when you have no life?
17:43Judge
17:44I need results here
17:45Or else I need $39.95 for a buzz-o-matic
17:51Nicole
17:54You and I know that this is just a matter of time
17:58I understand that you're feeling self-conscious
18:01That's a part of most young women's lives
18:04And how you handle your own self-consciousness
18:07Has more to do with your development into womanhood
18:09Than how soon your body develops
18:16That's it?
18:18That's it?
18:19That's all you have to say?
18:22Well, I heard the same thing from my dads
18:24I thought you'd have something different to tell me
18:28Oh, you want to hear something different?
18:33Okay
18:35I'll tell you something different
18:40Until you feel that you've developed
18:42You're going to spend your time resenting Donna, aren't you?
18:46A little
18:48Well, yeah, a lot
18:49I mean, do you know what she did at this party that I went to?
18:53All of the guys were flocking around her, of course
18:55And as if to rub it in
18:57She kept coming up trying to talk to me and the rest of the girls
19:00Like she didn't want the attention that she was getting from the guys
19:03And she would rather talk to me
19:04Yeah, right
19:07Boy
19:08There's one like you in every bunch, isn't there?
19:11What?
19:13In my school, it was Frances Collier
19:16Oh, she was the first in your school to develop?
19:20I was the first one in my school to develop
19:24I had no idea what was happening to me
19:26And why I was suddenly so popular with all the boys in my class
19:30Like Donna is
19:32And why the girls in my class
19:34Made me feel isolated like Donna is
19:38You were like Donna?
19:40And you're like Frances Collier
19:43Who'd been my friend up until then
19:45But suddenly she wasn't anymore
19:47Because she thought I was too threatening
19:50And actually, I was just plain scared
19:53You think Donna feels scared?
19:56I know Donna feels scared
19:59I know exactly why she kept trying to talk to you at the party
20:03Because it's a very lonely time
20:05I needed Frances Collier to be my friend as much as Donna needs you
20:12I thought I was feeling bad before
20:16Don't feel bad
20:18And don't envy Donna
20:21The reason she's popular is not the kind of popularity you want
20:26And the boys who ask her out because of the size of her chest
20:30They're not the boys you want to know
20:34Thanks for talking to me, Judge
20:35I'm not done yet
20:38I made you feel bad
20:41Here comes the part where I make you feel better
20:44Goody
20:48You still smart?
20:50Well
20:51You still pretty?
20:54Nah
20:55You still got two dads and a Zach and a Cory
20:57Who love you for you?
21:01And you love them for them?
21:05And if Joey loses his hair
21:08And if Michael's teeth fall out
21:12And if Zach or Cory don't grow to be six feet tall
21:15Will you love them any less?
21:20No
21:24What do you think about that?
21:27You want to grow?
21:30That's the kind of growing that matters
21:34Thanks, Judge
21:37You still love me?
21:40Nah
21:44You're skinny
21:48Well
21:49It left me fit in right here
21:58Hey
21:58Hey, Nick
22:00Hi
22:02Have a nice talk with the judge, sweetie?
22:05Like yourself again?
22:08I will in a minute
22:13Hi, Donna
22:15It's Nicole
22:17How have you been?
22:20Hi
22:26Mechanics
22:31We'll talk about it
22:32I'll hug you
22:33Take care
22:35Bye
22:35Bye
22:35Bye
22:35Bye
22:36Bye
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