It follows comedian Earthquake as he shakes up the stage and delivers wave after wave while diving into health as wealth, prostate exams and disciplining kids.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #earthquake #earthquakecomedy #earthquakestandup #davechappelle
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #earthquake #earthquakecomedy #earthquakestandup #davechappelle
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FunTranscript
00:00.
00:07July 28th, 1993.
00:10My first time ever performing in Atlanta, Georgia.
00:13I was picked up from the airport by a black comedian in a Lexus,
00:16which was a rare car to see a black dude in.
00:19Especially one that told jokes for a living.
00:22And we went to a comedy club that he was a part owner in.
00:25This is also a unique experience in my career.
00:27Now, the guy was a beast.
00:31On stage and off. Off stage.
00:34This motherfucker rode one blunt after another.
00:36Like a master.
00:37And on stage...
00:41He was like a force of nature.
00:43In fact, he called himself after a natural disaster.
00:48It's my pleasure to present to you guys tonight
00:53The first Netflix special that I've ever produced that I'm not in.
01:01Make some noise for Earthquake in Legendary.
01:04.
01:04.
01:04.
01:04.
01:04.
01:05.
01:05.
01:36.
01:38.
01:45Goddamn right.
01:47Good to be home.
01:48Goddamn it.
01:49.
01:50Good to be home.
01:51Southeast D.C.
01:52That's right.
01:53Baloo High School.
01:56That's what we talk about. It's the real D.C.
01:59They came to me saying, we're going to do this special.
02:02What do you want to do with that?
02:03Could have did it anywhere in the world.
02:05I said, no, I want to come home.
02:08I want to come home and see how it is.
02:12God damn it, I'm feeling good.
02:14I hope y'all feeling good.
02:15I'm feeling good because I got that vaccine.
02:19Man, I'm telling you, I got it when it first came out.
02:22The line was so long, it looked like they was high.
02:26I stood in that motherfucker.
02:29I'm like, I hope they don't run out.
02:32It looked like they was running out.
02:33It was this old lady, she was 89 in front of me.
02:36I just pushed her to the side.
02:38Come on, mama, you done lived your life.
02:42You got more problems than this coronavirus.
02:45You in a wheelchair with crutches.
02:48You being selfish right now.
02:51You supposed to be home somewhere getting together with the Lord.
02:55You being real selfish.
02:57You can't tell black people you took a shot.
02:59Oh, they look at you like you done sold out.
03:03You put that shit in your body.
03:04Oh, Lord.
03:05Oh, oh, God damn.
03:07Say it ain't so.
03:09Say it ain't so.
03:10How could you do that?
03:12I said the same way you put that cocaine in, you know.
03:15You ain't got no problem with that eight ball motherfucker.
03:18But I'm wrong for trusting Fauci.
03:21You get your drugs from a nigga in the club in the bathroom.
03:25You see him smoking blood.
03:27Well, eight people just smoking it.
03:30Who is this passion around?
03:32You'll take that chance.
03:34But I'm wrong for fucking with Fauci.
03:38I got a cousin.
03:39This motherfucker live in Michigan.
03:40He gonna call me and say, quick, I heard bad news.
03:42I said, what's wrong?
03:43He said, man, I heard you put that poison in your body.
03:45How could you do it?
03:46I said, nigga, you live in Flint.
03:51And you just got out the shower.
03:54You ain't got no problem with that fuck-ass water on your black ass.
03:59I mean, that'd be a shame of that damn shit.
04:02I mean, you from D.C.
04:03You done took more chances than the vaccine.
04:06You know how many women I done fucked with and had a fever?
04:11I'm like, ooh, you really is sick.
04:14I thought you didn't want to give me none.
04:17I'm gonna give you some Theraflu in the morning.
04:20But you, God bless you, God bless you.
04:23I just want motherfuckers to be consistent.
04:26Stay hard.
04:27No, keep that same energy on all the other symptoms you got in your body.
04:33Coronavirus is the only shit that's plaguing our community.
04:35I want you to be on it.
04:36These hypocrites that we got out here.
04:38You got brothers out here been wearing a mask straight for 18 months.
04:42Ain't seen a dentist in 18 years.
04:46Just be chewing on the left side of their mouth.
04:50You know when they can't fuck with their right tooth.
04:53Brust their teeth in the morning.
04:55The sink look like a crime center.
04:57They be trying to hide evidence like they on the first 48 hours of shit.
05:02Kids coming in looking at their teeth, talking about,
05:04Daddy, let me get some of them red hots you eat.
05:07I ain't eatin' no red hot.
05:08You ain't eatin' red hot.
05:10On the ass.
05:12You know it.
05:13Stay consistent.
05:15Be lookin' all good on the outside.
05:17Jordan on their feet, diamonds in their head, flawless on the outside.
05:20Inside, blood pressure higher than giraffe pussy.
05:24Take two, three, four, five diabetes.
05:27Still standing in line trying to get a pie pie chicken family.
05:31Eat four of them motherfuckers.
05:32I don't know why I'm busy.
05:34I took a Benadryl.
05:37Benadryl don't help no stroke, motherfucker.
05:40Everything ain't your allergies, nigga.
05:42Everything ain't your allergies.
05:45Left arm be goin' numb.
05:47What's wrong?
05:48That mean it gon' rain this Saturday?
05:50What do you mean it's gon' rain this Saturday?
05:53Your arm ain't no weatherman.
05:55Nigga, go see a doctor.
05:58You know who they are.
05:59Got car insurance, ain't got no health insurance.
06:03He all at the club.
06:04Look at my new ride, nigga.
06:05Full coverage, zero deductible.
06:08What about your liver?
06:09Oh, I'll leave that to Jesus.
06:11He know my heart.
06:14Health is wealth.
06:15If you ain't learn shit through this pandemic,
06:18that bag don't mean shit if you ain't got your health.
06:21You need to know the status of your health.
06:24And the only way you gon' know the status of your health
06:27is get a physical.
06:28Your president, Barack Obama,
06:30put his whole political capital on the line for Obamacare.
06:34I got Obamacare.
06:35Ain't no way they gon' put all these hospitals
06:37and urgent cares up there
06:39and something wrong with my chest, nigga.
06:40I'm gonna go home, take a nap, and drink a ginger ale.
06:45Somebody gon' see me.
06:48I'm just gon' have to owe you.
06:51When Obamacare came out, nigga, I was on that shit.
06:54I filled it out, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
06:56-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
07:12I got insurance.
07:13I want every test you got in this hospital, from A to Z, nigga.
07:16Don't skip none of them.
07:17I want EKG, A-E-E-E-E-E-E-G-G,
07:21Pat smear, I want it all, motherfucker.
07:24I want ultrasound, mammogram, fibrogram,
07:28larrygram,
07:30an eight ball, that's a half a gram.
07:33I want all my grams, nigga.
07:36But health is wealth.
07:37You will not know the status of your health unless you get a physical.
07:41Every year for my birthday, that is my gift to myself.
07:44We still dying of illness they done already cured for.
07:48And it's the scariest shit in the world,
07:50because certain people, you know something wrong with your body, but you don't go.
07:53See, me personally, I would hate when something be wrong with my damn body,
07:56and I never, ever do nothing about it.
08:00And then I just let it go and go, and then finally be rushed to the hospital,
08:03and doctor like, ooh, if you'd have got here three weeks ago.
08:07That shit was just in your ear.
08:10Where's that now? In your foot.
08:12How long I got? Tomorrow.
08:16It's the scariest shit in the world.
08:17I get a physical every year, this shit was no different.
08:20Doctor came in, I said, how I'm doing, doc?
08:22He said, I got your lab results back.
08:23Everything is looking good.
08:25You just have one minor discrepancy.
08:26I said, what's that? He said, your PSA is high.
08:29I said, what's that? He said, that's an indicator of your prostate.
08:32You being a black man, prostate cancer is prevalent in your community.
08:35What I need you to do is go back and see the reception,
08:39make another appointment, come back, I'm gonna do a prostate exam,
08:42along with your physical.
08:44I'm running behind about a month and a half,
08:46I should be able to get to see you then.
08:48I'm like, fuck that nigga, we doing this shit today.
08:51I got Obamacare nigga, put that shit on the bed.
08:54Let's run that shit up before that Republican can come.
08:58I said, you wanna do it today?
08:59I said, yeah, I wanna do it today.
09:00So I started rolling up my sleeves.
09:07Yeah, he laughed just like that.
09:10He said, nah, we don't do no prostate exam like that.
09:14I said, how you doing?
09:15He said, we do that with a rectum exam.
09:17I said, well, I don't think I got that on my Obamacare.
09:21I said, I don't think Barack can do that shit to me.
09:24He said, just go in the other room, there's a gown behind the door,
09:28take your clothes off, put the gown on, and come on back out,
09:30we can do the procedure.
09:31I'm gonna tell y'all right now, my people from D.C.,
09:34I have been rich my whole life.
09:36And I'm not talking about monetarily.
09:38I'm talking about rich of the blessing of my God.
09:42Been on this earth 58 years,
09:45I have never spent a night in a hospital,
09:47I have never had no surgery,
09:50I ain't never had no broken bones
09:51other than this wrist right here riding that rag-less bike my daddy gave me.
09:56He said, I don't know shit about no hospital.
09:58So when he told me to go take my clothes off and put the gown on,
10:01I did it.
10:01And I put the motherfucker on.
10:03But it was too small, it wouldn't close.
10:06So I stuck my head behind the door and said,
10:08Doc, I need a bigger gown.
10:09This motherfucker ain't going over my stomach.
10:11He said, no, you got it on wrong, turn it around.
10:14I said, I be down.
10:17I know I'm wearing this gown right.
10:20Cause if it's between my dick and my ass being out,
10:23my dick already understand.
10:26The ass is always coming.
10:29And every part of my body know that rule.
10:31If I only got one sock, fuck my foot.
10:35That motherfucker going down the crack of my ass.
10:38And if we doing a rectum exam, I know I'm wearing this gown right.
10:42Cause you're going to have to lift this bitch and let me know this about to go down.
10:45I ain't just going to leave it open for you to come in there when you feel like it.
10:50I don't know what kind of,
10:52I don't know what kind of patience you be having with your head down, ass up.
10:56But I ain't that kind of patience.
10:58I need a head start, a warning.
11:0110, 9, 8.
11:03Oh shit.
11:04My ass is getting a little chilly.
11:07It must be time for him to do it.
11:10So I knew I had the gown on right.
11:13So I just walked out there holding my dick.
11:15I said, I'm ready.
11:17He said, I told you got the gown on wrong.
11:19Turn it around.
11:20I said, I be down.
11:21He said, fuck it.
11:22Just bend down and look over there.
11:24I said, I don't like how you said that.
11:26You need to take that base out your voice.
11:29You're a little too angry to be fucking with my ass right now.
11:32I think we need to reschedule this appointment.
11:35And if you're going to keep arguing like this to me, I need to put my drawers on.
11:39I don't like to argue with no nigga I ain't got no drawers on.
11:42You got your drawers on.
11:44Why can't I put my drawers on?
11:47So I went on and bent back over.
11:49Come on, let's get this bullshit all the way.
11:51This nigga gonna say, stay still.
11:53I said, shit.
11:55You better hit this motherfucker while it's moving.
11:58I told you I'm scared.
12:00My leg is shaking because I'm afraid.
12:03So I looked on my shoulder.
12:05This motherfucker put gel on three fingers.
12:08I jumped the fuck up.
12:10He's like, what's wrong?
12:11I said, let me see what finger you gonna use.
12:13Oh, you ain't using that finger with that fucked up knuckle.
12:16I wish you would try to put that big ass knuckle in my ass.
12:19That football knuckle you got.
12:21I ought to whoop your ass for trying to put that motherfucker.
12:23I'm like, your pinky you got should be able to find what you're looking for.
12:26I ought to whoop your ass, doc.
12:29I'm gonna ask you one more time.
12:30Are you sure this the only way you can check my prostate?
12:33Because if I go home and I Google and I find this another test,
12:37I'm gonna come back here and whoop your motherfucking ass in front of all this equipment.
12:44So I went on and bend back over.
12:45Come on, let's get this bullshit over with.
12:48He lift up my gal.
12:49I say, oh shit.
12:51It's about to go down.
12:53And he lifted it up and he broke me off.
12:55I'm like, ooh, goddamn.
12:57He said, don't worry.
12:58It ain't gonna take long.
12:59I said, you ain't got long.
13:01Hurry up and find what you're looking for.
13:03He kept moving his finger in and out my ass.
13:05I said, fuck it, take your finger out my ass.
13:08If I got prostate cancer, leave it in there.
13:12I'm just gonna have to take it up with the Lord.
13:15But you ain't just gonna rotate your finger in and out my ass like this no more, sir.
13:19Take your finger out of my ass immediately, sir.
13:22Stop right now.
13:24No means no, sir.
13:35I got up, nigga tried to fix my goddamn gal.
13:39He gonna take the glove off all seductively.
13:44One finger at a time.
13:46Gonna look me in the face.
13:48Give me a box of tissues.
13:50He's talking about, wipe yourself off.
13:52Pull your drawers up.
13:55Follow me in the other room.
13:56I said, this nigga just assaulted me.
13:59I've been raped.
14:01I went and bought me a Me Too t-shirt.
14:04I went all to the meeting.
14:06I'm like, Me Too, bitches, Me Too.
14:08Y'all gonna hear what happened to me in that doctor's office.
14:10I got a story to tell.
14:13I left that doctor's office, ass just slipped around.
14:18Slid all the way to the elevator.
14:20Couldn't even look another man in the face.
14:23I'm like, He broke me in there.
14:24He broke me in there.
14:27See the gay dude.
14:28I'm like, You a soldier.
14:31You can take a dick.
14:32I couldn't take a pinkie.
14:34You tough, Twan.
14:35You tough.
14:36If you taking a dick every night, mmmmm.
14:41These ain't jokes.
14:47And black people, we done voted Trump out, but we ain't kill this motherfucker.
14:53He's still alive politically.
14:55White people believe in him right below Jesus.
14:59Oh, they believe in his ass.
15:00They just lying to good white folks.
15:03Stopped the steal.
15:04They just stole the vote.
15:06Fraud.
15:08Irregularity with voting.
15:10See black people, I don't ever want y'all ever to say your votes don't count.
15:13The reason why they got all these problems, changing all the Republicans, changing all the goddamn rules for voting is
15:20because we showed the fuck up.
15:26I mean, I tell my white friends all the time, if you gonna lie on black people, at least get
15:30a lie that's believable, nigga.
15:32You want the whole world to believe that niggas went down there and voted two times.
15:39We commit a lot of crimes, but we don't fuck with that paperwork.
15:45But you can't say no, you can't tell a Trump supporter nothing about Trump.
15:49Oh, not my Trump.
15:51They love motherfucking Trump.
15:53People ask me all the time, Quake, what kind of woman you looking for in your life?
15:56I said, nigga, I'm looking for a woman like a Trump supporter.
16:00No matter what she hear about me, that bitch don't believe shit.
16:05I heard he got another woman.
16:07That's fake news, baby.
16:08That's fake news.
16:09Don't listen to them hoes.
16:11They're the enemy of the snake.
16:14These ain't jokes.
16:16I knew Trump was the pimp of all pimps, nigga, when he came here and sent them motherfuckers up here
16:21January the 6th.
16:22He told them motherfuckers, meet me here January the 6th.
16:26They came up there like he was Moses.
16:31Just stepping.
16:32I never seen so many RVs, pickup trucks, white women with no teeth.
16:37They was everywhere.
16:39And then he came out and talked.
16:42Did the speech.
16:43Their old motherfucking fearless leader.
16:45Right now they're in there trying to certify the steal.
16:49You're not doing anything.
16:51They're stealing your vote.
16:52If you allow what happened in there, you're not going to have a country.
16:57Now what we're going to do, we're going to walk down to the Capitol and stop them.
17:02I'm going to go with you and I'm going to meet you there.
17:06Trump went home.
17:09That nigga was at the crib just chilling.
17:12White people was going crazy, nigga.
17:14They was knocking shit over, whooping police asses, climbing all on the wall and shit.
17:21I was watching that shit on TV.
17:23All I was wishing is, ooh, I wish I was a Capitol Police working that day.
17:28If I was there, I would have been like,
17:33What you doing?
17:34Saving democracy.
17:39These motherfuckers everywhere.
17:42You ain't going to use your gun. Give it to me.
17:49Oh, they're not motherfucking with that Confederate flag.
17:52Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, click, click, click.
17:56Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
17:58Oh, they would have tore their ass up.
18:01I'd have called my boy. I told you to be a security guard.
18:03Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
18:06I'm shooting Trump supporters on the clock.
18:08Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
18:11Don't punch me out. I'm going to do overtime today.
18:13Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
18:16What's your name, boy? Christopher Addix.
18:19Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
18:21Believe me, if I was working, they would have got off them steps.
18:25Stop the steal. Pop, pop, pop, pop.
18:27This nigga sure is back up, Billy Bob.
18:42Trump ain't got no cut. He ain't give a fuck.
18:45I knew he ain't had no cut when he told John McCain,
18:48you ain't no war hero.
18:51They say, why? Because he got captured.
18:54I like soldiers that don't get caught.
18:57John McCain hated that motherfucker till the day he died.
19:01They say you ain't supposed to take a grudge to your grave.
19:03John McCain like, fuck that shit.
19:06I'm going to tell you something.
19:07If you down for Trump, against Trump, or even if you are Trump,
19:10you got to look yourself in the mirror.
19:12You know you're a fucked up individual when the nigga don't want you at his funeral.
19:17They said, John McCain's last words are like, tell that nigga not to coffee.
19:23They say, what about the repass?
19:24Mmm.
19:26If he come in the trash, I'm going to walk out the campsite.
19:30Damn, he blocked that nigga like Facebook.
19:35You can say what you want to say about John McCain, but that motherfucker was a war hero.
19:40I'm telling you.
19:42That motherfucker was a prisoner of war, dog.
19:44He got shot behind enemy lines, fucking with them Vietcon niggas.
19:47They fucked John up.
19:49If you want to know what John McCain went through, all you got to do is watch the first round,
19:53bro.
19:57They pulled his nails out, put bamboo in his ass.
20:00When you see John McCain, that nigga walking like this.
20:03He couldn't even salute.
20:04How you doing?
20:05Mmm-hmm.
20:07They fucked John up.
20:08But what made him a man's man?
20:10Do you know John McCain was being tortured for five years straight?
20:14He could have got out early, because his father was an admiral.
20:17And they was going to do a prisoner swap, let him come home early, because who his father was?
20:21They came down to the torture chamber, and K and John McCain said, look, we got some good news for
20:26you.
20:26You're going to be able to go home and be with your family.
20:28They released him and said, come on, John, you're going home.
20:31John McCain like, I'm not leaving.
20:32I said, what you mean?
20:33I'm not leaving unless you release all the other soldiers that's in here with me.
20:38They said, hell no.
20:39Went back to whooping his ass.
20:41Ow!
20:43I was in the military.
20:45They showed us the tape.
20:46They said, this is the kind of prisoner of war you should be if you ever captured.
20:48I said, well, you might as well let me out.
20:51Because I'd never do that shit John did.
20:54Because if they come release me, I'm going to look at the rest of the soldiers like, I'll see you
20:57later.
20:58God has heard my prayer.
21:01Give me a letter, I'll give it to your family.
21:04But my black ass is getting on this helicopter.
21:07Somebody got to tell what these Pacquiao's done to us.
21:11And God has chose me.
21:13Won't he do it?
21:16Hey, this ain't no joke right here.
21:18I don't play with my air.
21:20Your life is the most precious thing you got.
21:22Cause life is short man.
21:24We losing some good ass people.
21:27Shit.
21:28We lost Cicely Tyson.
21:3096 years old.
21:32Black people talking about, too soon.
21:37Who knew?
21:38Who knew?
21:38I said, I knew.
21:40When she got 88, I said, ooh.
21:42You better get your paperwork in order.
21:45Who knew?
21:46I knew.
21:47When she got 89, I said, the Lord looking for you.
21:50Who knew?
21:51I knew.
21:51When she got 92, I said, soon and very soon.
21:56You are going to see the King.
21:59Soon and very soon.
22:01You are going to see the King.
22:05When she got 94, I said, don't go to church.
22:09God gon' say it.
22:10When he see you there, he gon' say, since you're here,
22:14stay right here.
22:15I see some of y'all wanna laugh.
22:17Fuck y'all.
22:19You wanna laugh and celebrate when they make it to 96.
22:22That's when it's time to laugh and tell jokes.
22:26It ain't funny when you die at 26.
22:28And that's our fuckin' problem.
22:31I pay my respects all the time.
22:34The one that broke my heart was more than anything
22:36when we lost to Reefer Franklin.
22:39The queen of soul.
22:41Try to pay my respect and watch the funeral.
22:43That funeral was so long, nigga.
22:45I kept holling at the TV, let her go.
22:49Supposed to be with the Lord.
22:51That funeral was so long, they turned off my cable.
22:55I said, this funeral done went through two billing cycles.
22:58They called me, why ain't you paying your cable bill?
23:00I said, I'm still at the funeral.
23:03Let her go.
23:05I never seen a pastor preach the whole Bible.
23:09This nigga didn't miss the scripture.
23:12I knew we were gonna be in there a long time,
23:14cause a nigga gonna come out talking about in the beginning.
23:17I said, the beginning.
23:20What do Adam and Eve gotta do with a funeral?
23:23Let her go.
23:24She supposed to be with the Lord.
23:27CNN was there, they was unplugging that shit.
23:29Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
23:31She been here for three weeks.
23:34Don Littler supposed to be on TV right now.
23:37I kept holling at the TV, let her go.
23:40I knew it was long when Aretha got up to change dresses.
23:45I'm gonna wear something different than the second half of the funeral.
23:48I said, the second half?
23:51Who has a half time at a funeral?
23:54Let her go.
23:56She supposed to be with the Lord.
23:59That funeral was so long nigga, they held her in Detroit so long.
24:03By the time she finally did make it to the pearly gates to get into heaven,
24:07an angel came to the door and said, God gone.
24:12You supposed to be in here three weeks ago.
24:14He touched you on the third, that's the 21st.
24:18I know you the queen, but he the king.
24:21You just can't have the Lord just waiting for you Aretha.
24:25This is no counter respect.
24:27You gonna have to go to hell.
24:30That would be fucked up though if you made it to heaven,
24:33but you fucked around, got through the gate late.
24:36You know, you look on the boy like, ooh, my name up there.
24:39Oh shit, I made it.
24:41You see some of your boy like, damn, you ain't get in.
24:45Man, man, I heard it's gonna be hot with you going.
24:48Told you go to Bible study.
24:51You taking your time, nigga out of here.
24:53And you get to the gate and you see him locking.
24:56He's like, hold up nigga, I'm here.
24:59I ain't moving my foot, I'm supposed to be in there.
25:03You can't just get locking nigga out of here.
25:04What kind of bullshit is this?
25:07They ain't say what time you have to be at the gate.
25:10There's some bullshit.
25:11You be peeping in there, ooh, it look nice in there.
25:15Ooh, heaven, everything they say in the Bible.
25:17Uh-uh, nigga, I'm getting in.
25:20You be like, come on, man, this is bullshit.
25:23I'm on Jesus' list.
25:25You be like, ooh, it real nice in there.
25:28Did my mama make it?
25:30Did she make it into heaven?
25:31She did.
25:32Can you tell her I'm out here?
25:36And tell her that angel right there won't let me in.
25:39This is some bullshit.
25:41You know, if your mother came and seen you was late getting to the gate,
25:44she'd ask you to cut your ass off.
25:46Fuck wrong with you.
25:48You got me using this kind of leg.
25:49You were late, get your ass over there.
25:51Late getting there, I'm sorry, man.
25:53I was so tired.
25:54He hate me to anything.
25:56Get your ass over there while I go find Jesus.
25:58See, can I get you in?
26:00Stand over there with the rest of them heathens.
26:07You go back over there and stand on the side with everybody else that couldn't get in.
26:12I think, Mom, I'm getting in.
26:15My mama been knowing Jesus her whole life.
26:20I know she got a plus one.
26:25Your mama ain't get in.
26:27She didn't.
26:29Not at all.
26:30Man, I'm sorry to hear that.
26:33I'm about to get in there.
26:36I'm gonna get in.
26:36When I get in there, you want me to tell somebody you out here?
26:41You don't know nobody that made it.
26:43All the people you know, you don't know nobody you think made it.
26:47Nobody.
26:49That's fucked up.
26:50Well, here comes Jesus with my mama.
26:53I'll see you later, Joel Osteen.
27:06This is my Bible.
27:12My son just turned 18 years old.
27:15Best day of my life because he's one of the trios I have.
27:20I have three kids and he's the last 18 years old and there's a man that's in his 50s.
27:25When you see your kids get 18 years old, that is your chance for you to live your life.
27:30I tell my kids all the time, once you turn 18, our relationship has changed.
27:36How is that daddy?
27:37I said, let me explain.
27:39I am no longer the provider.
27:42I am the advisor.
27:45So when you got a problem now, nigga, I say, this is what I would do if I was you.
27:51But you was raised right, nigga.
27:52Make good decisions.
27:54Close the door so me and your future stepmama can get busy.
27:58No, man, when your kids become an adult, it is your time to capture the things that you wanted to
28:03do that you sacrificed by raising in them.
28:06I tell people all the time, kids are the most expensive thing you will ever purchase to ever have in
28:12your life because they, at the maximum, they're dream killers.
28:16At the minimum, nigga, they're dream delayers because you done put what you wanted to do to facilitate their growth.
28:24And when they get 18, it's your time for you to do the things you need to do because you're
28:28in the fourth quarter of your life.
28:29But some of y'all don't.
28:31Y'all still be in your kids' lives when they're 18 as if they was an adolescent.
28:35And I don't blame most of y'all because y'all let these kids around here manipulate you.
28:39Because them kids sit down and throw that guilt on you.
28:42They've been in your life and seen some of the times when you was at your lowest point.
28:46And they throw that shit in your face.
28:48They also know that there's things that you wanted to do for them that you couldn't do for them and
28:52you feel guilty about that.
28:54And they play that shit on you.
28:55And I'm telling you right now, from the bottom of my heart, fuck these kids.
29:01Don't you let these motherfuckers fuck with you.
29:04I tell you right now, if you did everything to the best of your ability to provide for your kids,
29:10you are a great-ass pern.
29:13Don't you let these little motherfuckers make you feel bad.
29:17I'm telling you right goddamn now.
29:20I wish one of my kids would tell me I'm not a great-ass father.
29:23I only got one question for him, period.
29:26If I'm not a great father, nigga, who are you comparing me to?
29:30Who this mythological black man you think gonna make the sacrifices I did and all this for you like I
29:36did?
29:36Take you to all these activities, go to your basketball game, be there for three hours, and your ass don't
29:42even get in the game.
29:45Me and you sitting on the bench.
29:48You gonna FaceTime me this bullshit.
29:51Sitting over there like you assistant coach and shit.
29:55Since we comparing, you ain't a good-ass child.
29:59Almost lost my job fucking with your ass.
30:03Fuck these kids.
30:06These ain't jokes.
30:08I had a time to spend time with my son and they make me learn that our kids are not
30:12built like us.
30:13My son don't have no swag, zero, nada, none.
30:17Told him the other day, let's ride, Clyde.
30:19This nigga like, who's Clyde, daddy?
30:22Get your ass in the car.
30:24I just wanna know who Clyde is.
30:28Is he a friend of yours?
30:29No nigga, you Clyde.
30:32Mm-mm, I named Nathaniel.
30:34Open your mouth, let me swab you.
30:38You gotta understand, you can't raise your kids the way you was raised.
30:41It does not apply.
30:42The way we was raised does not have nothing to do with our kids.
30:46You gotta understand that we are inner-city parents raising suburban kids.
30:51So all the things we went through does not apply to these little soft motherfuckers we dealing with.
30:57You put your hands on your kids, just one of the ass-whooping that your mother and father gave you.
31:02Put it on your kid, you'll scar these little soft motherfuckers for life.
31:07They can't do it.
31:08I just try to punish my son, send him to his room.
31:10This nigga write a suicide note.
31:14He be in there, daddy don't know how long I can take this shit.
31:17The walls are coming in on me.
31:19So this nigga can never go to jail.
31:22He can't even stay in his own room with an Xbox.
31:26These ain't jokes.
31:29My son got a concussion from falling in grass.
31:33He was in the hospital for three weeks.
31:35Hey, what's happened?
31:37What happened to us?
31:37He tripped out back.
31:40They ain't built like us.
31:41You buy him a bike, you gotta get a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads.
31:46You playing football or riding a bike, motherfucker.
31:49They not built like us.
31:51We used to go to the park, get on the swing set,
31:54and wrap the pole.
31:56Let one of these kids go to a swing set and try to wrap the pole.
32:00Come back, chain around in there.
32:04He's like, get your ass down for me.
32:07Well, you said go around the car, get your motherfucking ass.
32:11They not built like us.
32:13Can't leave him in the car when it's hot.
32:19Our mother left us in the car when it was hot.
32:22We just smart enough to get the fuck out.
32:26And look at the door to see when she coming out.
32:29Oh, she coming, get back in the car.
32:31That's right, I was sitting over here.
32:33You right, you right, you right.
32:34I was over here.
32:35You right, you right.
32:36Fuck her.
32:38It don't take you no three hours getting no tuna fish.
32:43Our kids just stay in the car and die.
32:46Get your ass out the car.
32:47You said, don't get out.
32:49It's 200 degrees, motherfucker.
32:59Die in the car.
33:01Stupid motherfuckers.
33:03Fuck these kids.
33:05But you ain't got to put your hands on no kids.
33:07Your kids ain't doing what they're supposed to do.
33:09I done found their Achilles heel.
33:10I know exactly what you can get, how you can get them.
33:14They ain't doing what the fuck they supposed to do.
33:17Found their weakness.
33:19No, it ain't the fault, no.
33:21All you need to do, turn that motherfucker wife out.
33:30I ain't lying to you.
33:31My son, he be upstairs.
33:33I be calling.
33:33Come downstairs.
33:34Nigga, act like he don't hear me.
33:36I don't even call no more.
33:37He don't do what the fuck he supposed to do.
33:39All I do is unplug that Wi-Fi.
33:42And then come to daddy, we ain't got no signal.
33:45Signal on, daddy.
33:46Signal on, I was playing Fortnite.
33:48I was winning this game.
33:50Hey, this nigga is cracking.
33:53Look at him.
33:54Hey, this nigga is cracking.
33:54I ain't got no signal.
33:56You look at me, daddy, you got signal.
34:01I said, I got signal.
34:04I ain't get signal.
34:05Take that trash out, nigga.
34:07Take that trash out, nigga.
34:09I see 5G in your future.
34:11I'm Earthquake.
34:11I love y'all all day long.
34:14This is how we do it.
34:15I love y'all all day long.
34:24I love y'all all day long.
34:27I love y'all all day long.
34:30I love y'all all day long.
34:31I love y'all all day long.
34:33I love y'all all day long.
34:39I love y'all all day long.
34:40I love y'all all day long.
34:42I love y'all all day long.
34:43I love y'all all day long.
34:44I love y'all all day long.
34:44I love y'all all day long.
34:45I love y'all all day long.
34:46Jail music for riots
34:47Catch the smoke 50
34:48Fuck the place up till I turn 160
34:51Now I'm here to sit you down
34:52Motherfucking lift it up
34:54Get your niggas drunk till you lay in your bed and piss it up
34:56Now I'm back with the coke of the back you all
34:58Sniff it up and skirk skirk
35:00In the race watch me Tokyo drift it up
35:02Take this loss, all day sauce
35:04Take it all in the mouth
35:08And make the straight cough
35:10Cocaine balls, all day floss
35:12Foul niggas know we on the ground
35:14And we live it up and drown
35:15Cases of goose till I frown
35:17And we spit it up
35:18Got us running through it
35:19Got a hundred stupid
35:20Now we about to lose it
35:22Y'all don't want to do it
35:23Watch the way we mix it up
35:24Hit the way we fix it up
35:26And then we shorty get on her knees
35:27And now she licks it up
35:28Wreck off and swag on a nigga when they flicks it up
35:31Rich put up prices on a coke
35:33You see the bricks is up
35:34So far shorty's throw they bra
35:36And they need a light of the light
35:38The perfect cigar
35:39Brand new jet
35:40Brand new car
35:41Leader of the new shit
35:43Brand new zon
35:44Light switch off
35:45Cuban link cross
35:47They shine bright in the evening
35:48Diamonds crisscross
35:50If you ain't out here to find it
35:51Time to get lost
35:52In case you niggas ain't know
35:54Bitch I get busy
35:55Like a silverback grizzly
35:56Roll up some more sticky
35:57Every hood to every block
35:59Brought them all with me
36:00Tap, tap, tap, tap
36:02What you doing?
36:03Saving democracy
36:08This is protected
36:10By the red
36:12The black
36:13And the green
36:14At the crossroad
36:16With the key
36:19B dessus
36:21On
36:21On
36:21On
36:21On
36:22On
36:22On
36:23On
36:23On
36:24On
36:24On
36:25On
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