Chris Rock's 2008 comedy tour visits London, New York and Johannesburg.
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#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #chrisrock #chrisrockcomedy #chrisrockstandup
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00:00:11We done served till I die, okay, okay, new player circle, as a matter of fact, it's gonna kill me,
00:00:21bitch, cause you ain't, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it,
00:00:29tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it.
00:00:29Tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it,
00:00:38tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it,
00:00:50tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it,
00:00:56tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it,
00:00:59tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it,
00:00:59tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, tell him, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it,
00:00:59shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it,
00:00:59shout it, shout it, shout it, shout it, shout
00:01:13Oh
00:01:40Because it is violent right about now, and I ain't talking about the jungle
00:01:47It's good to be here man. It is so good to be here
00:01:55First time I'm ever playing Africa, Africa, first time playing Africa, South Africa
00:02:00I was on safari with my family out there taking pictures of the animals
00:02:04And you're driving around and you got this guy which you called a tracker
00:02:09A tracker is amazing because you're just driving around and the tracker goes stop stop stop stop
00:02:16And you stop the jeep and he leans down and puts his finger in some piss
00:02:2615 miles to the right should be zebra
00:02:32And you get there and there's zebra
00:02:36There's zebra, wow, zebra
00:02:39And you're driving some more and he's like stop stop stop stop
00:02:42And he leans down and picks up a little shit pellet
00:02:4913 miles to the left rhinoceros
00:02:54And you get there and there's a rhino right there
00:02:57You're like how the fuck's he doing this shit
00:03:00And it's beautiful
00:03:01I'm out there taking pictures of the rhino
00:03:03And I took the pictures of the zebra
00:03:05And I was having a good time
00:03:06And I'm out there with my family
00:03:07And I felt great
00:03:08Until I looked over at another jeep
00:03:10And I saw a bunch of white people taking pictures of me
00:03:22I didn't see it done
00:03:23I'm like hey I ain't no animal
00:03:26But they had a tracker tracking my black ass
00:03:30Evidently I must have dropped some chicken or something
00:03:33At another spot and they're like ah chicken bones
00:03:3713 miles to the left niggas will be there
00:03:45This is a crazy time man
00:03:46This is the time to be on stage
00:03:49This is the time to do a special man
00:03:51Cause this is a special time
00:03:52A lot's going on right now
00:03:54That's right
00:03:55Big election year in the United States
00:03:58That's right
00:03:59It ain't your election
00:04:00But you paying attention
00:04:02You damn right you are
00:04:04That's right
00:04:04George Bush has fucked up so bad
00:04:08He's made it hard for a white man to run for president
00:04:24People are like give me a black man
00:04:26A white woman, a giraffe, a zebra
00:04:30Anything but another white man
00:04:33That last one fucked up my roof
00:04:36And who do we have running for president
00:04:39Who the hell is running for president
00:04:40We got two guys man
00:04:42We got John McCain
00:04:43John McCain
00:04:4572 years old
00:04:47He was too old 10 years ago
00:04:5372
00:04:55He's so old he used to own Sidney Poitier
00:05:03Come on man
00:05:04I don't need a president with a bucket list
00:05:1272 years
00:05:13Oh my god
00:05:15How many 72 year old people did you see today
00:05:19Just doing shit
00:05:2375
00:05:24Old people don't even use old people to do shit
00:05:2872
00:05:2972
00:05:30You see
00:05:31He hired his nurse to be his vice president too
00:05:42What the fuck is on her mind
00:05:45Sarah Palin out there shooting mooses and shit
00:05:48And holding up the moose and shit
00:05:51I see her holding a dead moose
00:05:53I'm like what the fuck is Michael Vick in jail for
00:06:01Shut up
00:06:02What the fuck
00:06:05My god
00:06:06John McCain
00:06:08How you gonna make decisions about the future
00:06:10When you ain't gonna be here
00:06:16He's old
00:06:17The motherfuckers too old
00:06:20When you die at 72
00:06:22No matter what you die of
00:06:23It's natural causes
00:06:26Even if you get hit by a truck
00:06:29It's natural causes
00:06:30Cause if you was younger
00:06:32You'd have got out the way
00:06:37You know
00:06:37You got a real choice man
00:06:39Barack and McCain
00:06:41McCain
00:06:42McCain just got that old story
00:06:43This motherfucker been telling the same story
00:06:45For 40 fucking years
00:06:48He a war hero
00:06:50He a war hero
00:06:52He a war hero
00:06:53That got captured
00:06:58There's a lot of guys in jail
00:07:00That got captured
00:07:09I don't want to vote for nobody that got captured
00:07:11I want to vote for the motherfucker that got away
00:07:16That's what we got man
00:07:17So who's he running up against?
00:07:20Barack Obama
00:07:27Barack Obama
00:07:33Barack Obama
00:07:34Yes
00:07:36Black man
00:07:38What a black name
00:07:41I know it ain't that black here
00:07:42But in America
00:07:43That's about as black as a name could get
00:07:47Barack Obama
00:07:48That's right next to Dikembe Mutombo
00:07:54That's right Barack man
00:07:56He don't let his blackness sneak up on you
00:07:58You know if his name was Bob Jones or something
00:08:01It might take you two or three weeks
00:08:02To realize he black
00:08:05But as soon as you hear Barack Obama
00:08:08You expect to see a brother with a spear
00:08:14Just standing on top of a dead line
00:08:17Like
00:08:20Barack Obama
00:08:21Come on
00:08:21You expect to see the bass player from the Commodores come out
00:08:26Like two hundred
00:08:27Now baby
00:08:30Two hundred
00:08:32Baby
00:08:36I'm not talking about Lionel Richie
00:08:38I'm talking about them shining niggas behind him
00:08:46Barack Obama
00:08:47We ain't never seen a brother like
00:08:49Barack Obama
00:08:51Nice looking brother
00:08:53Young
00:08:53Young
00:08:54Every time I see Barack
00:08:55I'm like
00:08:56So when you getting back with new edition
00:09:00Just young brother
00:09:02My God
00:09:02And Barack is so calm and cool
00:09:05Sometimes I think he doesn't even realize
00:09:07He's the black candidate
00:09:11Like he thinks he can win this thing fair and square
00:09:16Like he thinks having the most votes is gonna mean something
00:09:27Shit
00:09:28They gonna change this whole system on his black ass
00:09:33Overnight
00:09:33You better ask the Indians about white men and rules
00:09:38They will change all this shit
00:09:40With a straight face to it
00:09:42Hey man
00:09:43You got the most votes
00:09:44Too bad you lost
00:09:47That's how we used to do it
00:09:49We don't really count votes that much no more
00:09:52They don't give a fuck boy
00:09:54And they in Barack's ass
00:09:56Whoever Barack know
00:09:58Is being investigated
00:10:00If you know Barack Obama
00:10:02They are tapping your phone right now
00:10:04They are in your ass
00:10:06And that's when McCain has the advantage
00:10:08Cause all his friends are dead
00:10:18Yeah man
00:10:19But this whole election is so
00:10:21It's so weird
00:10:22Just the way they report on it
00:10:23The way they cover it
00:10:25There's everything so racial
00:10:27Racial
00:10:27Racial
00:10:28How many white people are voting?
00:10:30How many working class white people?
00:10:31How many white people over 4 foot 8
00:10:32Are voting for Barack Obama?
00:10:34You know
00:10:35And the crazy thing is
00:10:36Whenever white people vote for Barack Obama
00:10:39Which is a lot of the time
00:10:40They go
00:10:41Well you know
00:10:42They listen to the issues
00:10:44And they felt Obama spoke to their issues
00:10:48They went over the issues
00:10:49They weighed the pros and cons
00:10:51And they felt that Obama spoke to their issues
00:10:55And whenever black people vote for Barack
00:10:58They go
00:10:58Well they black
00:10:59He black
00:10:59I guess that's why
00:11:02Like we don't even have names on our ballots
00:11:05And shit
00:11:06Like it's just scratch and sniff on our ballots
00:11:09And shit
00:11:10Like
00:11:11Like it's just pictures of milkshakes
00:11:12No
00:11:14Strawberry
00:11:14Nah
00:11:14Chocolate
00:11:15Chocolate
00:11:17I vote chocolate
00:11:18That's what I want
00:11:22Don't get me wrong
00:11:23Don't get me wrong
00:11:24We are very excited
00:11:26About Barack Obama
00:11:27Black people are very excited
00:11:29About Barack Obama
00:11:33But we're not just
00:11:34Voting for him because he's black
00:11:36We're voting for him because he's black
00:11:37And qualified
00:11:38You know
00:11:39That's why they're voting for him
00:11:40Yeah
00:11:43That's why we're behind him
00:11:45You know
00:11:46It's not like we're voting for
00:11:47Flavor Flames
00:11:51Yeah boy
00:11:54Flavor Flames
00:11:57Hey I love Flavor
00:11:58Loved him for 20 years
00:12:00I love the Flavor of Love show
00:12:03I think it's quite entertaining
00:12:04But Flavor Flames must be killed
00:12:10In order for black people to truly reach the promised land
00:12:14Flavor Flames has to be shot
00:12:17These are important times
00:12:19We got a black man running for president
00:12:21We don't need a nigga running around
00:12:23With a fucking clock around his neck
00:12:25And a Viking hat on his head
00:12:31Not this year Flavor
00:12:33Put a suit on nigga
00:12:34Put a suit on
00:12:36Not this year Flav
00:12:37Not this year
00:12:40No no no
00:12:41But we're very
00:12:42We're very
00:12:43Very very excited man
00:12:45Very excited
00:12:46I'll tell you this right now
00:12:46White people that are here
00:12:48If Barack Obama wins
00:12:50If you have any activity
00:12:52In your life
00:12:54That involves black people
00:12:56That is supposed to happen
00:12:58The day after election day
00:13:00It will not get done
00:13:07Election day is a Tuesday
00:13:08That Wednesday
00:13:10Don't schedule no black shit
00:13:13Like if you gotta fly
00:13:15Ain't nobody carrying your bags
00:13:18You got to get your own motherfucking bags
00:13:21We got a black president
00:13:23Motherfucker
00:13:25Shit
00:13:34Yo it's gonna be hard
00:13:35For Barack Obama
00:13:37To be president man
00:13:38Cause Barack Obama
00:13:40Has to overcome
00:13:41A handicap
00:13:42That the other candidate
00:13:43Does not have to overcome
00:13:44That's right
00:13:45It's gonna be hard
00:13:46For Barack Obama
00:13:47To be president
00:13:48Because Barack Obama
00:13:50Has a black wife
00:13:56And I don't think
00:13:58A black woman
00:13:58Can be first lady
00:14:00Of the United States
00:14:02Yeah I said it
00:14:05I said it in Johannesburg
00:14:07I said
00:14:07I said it in London
00:14:09England
00:14:09I said that shit
00:14:11I said it at the Apollo Theater
00:14:13I said that shit
00:14:14I don't believe
00:14:16A black woman
00:14:16Can be first lady
00:14:17You know why?
00:14:18Cause a black woman
00:14:19Cannot play the background
00:14:21Of a relationship
00:14:27Don't get me wrong
00:14:28A black woman
00:14:29Could be president
00:14:29With no problem
00:14:30First lady
00:14:31Too much shutting up
00:14:33In that job
00:14:35Can you imagine
00:14:36Telling your black wife
00:14:38That you president
00:14:39Honey I won
00:14:40I'm president
00:14:40No
00:14:41We president
00:14:48And I want my girlfriends
00:14:49In the cabinet
00:14:51I want Kiki
00:14:53To be secretary
00:14:53Of defense
00:14:55She can fight
00:14:56She can fight
00:15:00No no
00:15:01You can't have
00:15:02No black first lady
00:15:03That's too much work
00:15:04For the secret service
00:15:07She said
00:15:08We can't let her through
00:15:09Sir
00:15:09We can't let her through
00:15:10It's my fucking wife man
00:15:11She's gonna kill you
00:15:14Nah
00:15:15Nah
00:15:16Nah
00:15:16That's right
00:15:17Barack Obama
00:15:18Really wanna be the president
00:15:20He got to get him
00:15:21A white girl
00:15:23Yeah I said it
00:15:25Why?
00:15:26Cause a white girl
00:15:27Will play her position
00:15:29The black girl
00:15:30Wanna play
00:15:31Your position
00:15:34You under the quarterback
00:15:35Going hike hike
00:15:36She right next to you
00:15:37Hike hike
00:15:39We can't vote hike
00:15:40I don't give a fuck
00:15:43That's right
00:15:44You get you a white girl
00:15:45She do exactly
00:15:46What you need her to do
00:15:47I need you to run left
00:15:48Slant right
00:15:49Okay daddy
00:15:50I got you
00:15:59And you win
00:16:01Why do black women
00:16:02Get mad when I say that shit
00:16:03Going
00:16:04Oh you need a white girl
00:16:05You think you need a white girl
00:16:07Fuck you motherfucker
00:16:09Think you need a white girl
00:16:11Soon as y'all get a little money
00:16:13You want a white girl
00:16:15Soon as you get a little money
00:16:16You want a white girl
00:16:18Actually
00:16:18Before we get money
00:16:26Oh
00:16:28Oh don't worry
00:16:30I'm gonna bring it back
00:16:32Black women get pissed off
00:16:35At some interracial dating boy
00:16:36Black women get mad
00:16:37As a motherfucker
00:16:38Black women get angrier
00:16:40Than southern white men
00:16:42They get pissed
00:16:44The fuck
00:16:45Off
00:16:46Especially if they see
00:16:47Like a
00:16:47A white girl
00:16:49With a famous black man
00:16:50Ooh
00:16:50They get fucking mad
00:16:51They see like a white girl
00:16:53With Denzel Washington
00:16:54They fucking start shaking
00:16:55They ready to punch
00:16:58That white girl
00:16:58In the face
00:16:59What the fuck
00:17:01You doing with Denzel
00:17:04Trying to take
00:17:05All good black men
00:17:07We only got
00:17:09Eight
00:17:17That's right
00:17:17Black women get mad
00:17:19They get mad at us
00:17:19The black man
00:17:20Get mad
00:17:21They get mad at us
00:17:23Because we like to
00:17:23Exercise our variety
00:17:26That's right
00:17:27That's right
00:17:27Black men like to
00:17:28Exercise their variety
00:17:30When the black man
00:17:32Is looking for a mate
00:17:33We check out
00:17:34The whole menu
00:17:35Of women
00:17:36We're like
00:17:36You got any specials
00:17:40Sisters get mad
00:17:41Sisters are getting
00:17:41In your face
00:17:42Like
00:17:42You don't like
00:17:43Your mother
00:17:45They get all up
00:17:46In your grill
00:17:47That's right
00:17:48But they act like
00:17:49They mad at the black man
00:17:50But no
00:17:51They not mad at us
00:17:52They mad at themselves
00:17:55That's right
00:17:55Yeah
00:17:56I said it
00:17:56I said it
00:17:58Yeah
00:17:58I'm looking right at ya
00:18:01I said it
00:18:02You are mad at yourself
00:18:03Cause I'm gonna tell you
00:18:05The real reason
00:18:06Black women get so mad
00:18:07At interracial dating
00:18:08Oh I'm gonna break it
00:18:10The fuck down
00:18:11Tonight
00:18:13The real reason
00:18:14Black women get so mad
00:18:16At interracial dating
00:18:17It ain't all black women
00:18:18But it's most black women
00:18:19The real reason
00:18:21Black women get so angry
00:18:23At interracial dating
00:18:24Is cause black women
00:18:26Are not attracted
00:18:27To white men
00:18:36Don't get me wrong
00:18:37They'll fuck a pretty white boy
00:18:38They'll fuck
00:18:39Matthew McConaughey
00:18:41Or George Clooney
00:18:42Brad Pitt
00:18:43They'll give Beckham
00:18:44Some pussy
00:18:44Yes
00:18:46But black men
00:18:48Are standing to say
00:18:49That high
00:18:49We'll fuck
00:18:50Any white girl
00:18:58As a matter of fact
00:18:59The bigger the better
00:19:01It's just
00:19:02No white to love
00:19:05There's white women
00:19:06In this room
00:19:06Right now
00:19:07Don't even have scales
00:19:09In they house
00:19:11They know they gaining weight
00:19:12When too many black guys
00:19:13Start hitting on them
00:19:16These black guys
00:19:17Are all over me
00:19:19I gotta work out
00:19:25That's right
00:19:26Black men
00:19:26Like a big white woman
00:19:28She the black man
00:19:29Will drop kick
00:19:30Keira Knightley
00:19:32To get to
00:19:33Rosie O'Donnell
00:19:40Well we'll tear
00:19:42That Rosie pussy up
00:19:43Boy
00:19:44Shit
00:19:45Move that gut
00:19:46To the side
00:19:46There's some good pussy
00:19:47Under there
00:19:52We don't give a fuck
00:19:54We'll fuck the whole view
00:19:58Rosie
00:19:58Barbara Waters
00:20:00Joy Behar
00:20:01Be the view
00:20:02From the back of that ass
00:20:05Shit
00:20:06We'll fuck Rachel Ray
00:20:07Right after that shit
00:20:08Fucking Rachel Ray
00:20:10With her plump ass
00:20:11And shit
00:20:12I'll fuck her
00:20:13Right in her arm fat
00:20:14Right in here
00:20:15Right in this motherfucker
00:20:18Right in this motherfucker
00:20:20Whose arm is this
00:20:24Just need a crease
00:20:25That's all a nigga needs
00:20:26Is a crease
00:20:28Just a crease
00:20:29Nigga that's a crease
00:20:31I'll fuck her in her arm fat
00:20:33And have her make me some biscuits
00:20:34When that shit's over
00:20:38That's right man
00:20:40That's right
00:20:41And that's what makes
00:20:42Black women so mad
00:20:43Cause they know
00:20:44Rosie O'Donnell
00:20:45Could walk into
00:20:46Any black club
00:20:48And haul them tonight
00:20:50And get her a black man
00:20:52She don't even like men
00:20:56But she can get her a black man
00:20:59And it don't work
00:21:00The other way around
00:21:01There ain't a bunch of black women
00:21:03Out there trying to fuck
00:21:04George from Seinfeld
00:21:08That's right
00:21:09If you see a black woman
00:21:11With an overweight white man
00:21:13That means her credit
00:21:14Is fucked up
00:21:24Like she's in financial straits
00:21:27Girl what you doing with him
00:21:29They was gonna take my car
00:21:37Yes yes yes man
00:21:40Yes yes yes man
00:21:41I don't know man
00:21:44Let's go back to election
00:21:45For a second man
00:21:46It don't matter
00:21:47Who wins this election right now
00:21:49Don't matter
00:21:50Barack
00:21:51Or McCain
00:21:52It don't matter right now
00:21:53Cause Bush is still in charge
00:21:55George Bush is still in charge
00:21:57And nobody gives less of a fuck
00:21:59Than George Bush
00:22:03You think you don't give a fuck
00:22:05Bush don't give a fuck
00:22:08Nobody gives less of a fuck
00:22:09Than George Bush
00:22:10If you was hanging from a cliff
00:22:12Get ready to fall to your death
00:22:15That's right
00:22:16And Bush was at the top of the cliff
00:22:18And all you needed was a fuck
00:22:20To save the woman
00:22:21And Bush had a pocket full of fucks
00:22:25He wouldn't give you one
00:22:28Hey Bush
00:22:29I need a fuck
00:22:30Oh you know I don't give a fuck
00:22:42Here's a fuck
00:22:43Bush is unbelievable man
00:22:47This guy's un-be-fucking-lievable
00:22:50Just the things that have gone down
00:22:52Since he's been the president
00:22:53It's unprecedented
00:22:54How bad this guy is
00:22:57Okay
00:22:57He ain't the worst president of the United States
00:22:59He's the worst president of presidents
00:23:00He's the worst PTA president
00:23:02President of the Black Association
00:23:04President of Major League Baseball
00:23:07Worldwide Wrestling Federation
00:23:09The worst president ever
00:23:11This motherfucker
00:23:12Just the shit that has gone down
00:23:15Since he's been president
00:23:16It's unbelievable man
00:23:18Un-be-fucking-lievable
00:23:21That mortgage crisis going on right now
00:23:23People losing their houses
00:23:25One month your mortgage is $900
00:23:27The next month is $9,000
00:23:31You gotta look outside
00:23:32To see if you moved
00:23:35Oh shit this can't be the same neighborhood
00:23:39Fucking gas is through the roof
00:23:41Gas is so expensive right now
00:23:44Soon they gonna start selling gas in bars
00:23:48It's gonna be like
00:23:48I wanna send a half a tank
00:23:50To the little lady over there in the red
00:23:54I think pretty soon people
00:23:56Gonna be fucking for gas
00:24:01I think people already fucking for gas
00:24:06Some of y'all in here tonight
00:24:07Are fucking for gas
00:24:11Like girl why you with him
00:24:12He filled up a tank
00:24:19Ladies if a man fills up your tank
00:24:21You gotta fuck him
00:24:23A quarter of a tank
00:24:24Hand job
00:24:31Gotta get to work right
00:24:32Gotta get to work
00:24:37Gas is so fucking expensive
00:24:38And I don't even get it
00:24:39So let me get this straight
00:24:41We invade a country with oil
00:24:44With oil
00:24:46But gas costs more
00:24:48That don't make no fucking sense
00:24:51Now I didn't go to no fancy school or nothing
00:24:54But I'll tell you this right now
00:24:56If I invade Kentucky Fried Chicken
00:25:01Wings will be cheap at my house
00:25:11Like gas is so expensive now
00:25:13Whenever I fill up my tank
00:25:15I just whip out my dick
00:25:17And jerk off right at the gas station
00:25:20That's what I do
00:25:21If I fill it up
00:25:22I jerk it off
00:25:23You know why?
00:25:25Cause when I spend that type of money
00:25:26I'm used to coming
00:25:37You ought to try
00:25:39Next time you're running low
00:25:41You'll get happy
00:25:42Oh shit I'm almost out of gas
00:25:44Good
00:25:46That's right man
00:25:48Shit
00:25:49Fucking gas is through the roof
00:25:51This shit is no joke man
00:25:53You know
00:25:54They're just trying to get you man
00:25:56And they keep saying you know
00:25:57Is America ready for a black president?
00:26:00Is America ready for a black president?
00:26:01I hope Barack win
00:26:03I hope he win
00:26:03I really do
00:26:06I hope he win
00:26:07I hope he win
00:26:10Just so as a black parent
00:26:12I can stop giving that
00:26:14You can do whatever you want to do baby speech
00:26:17That my kids can just go out
00:26:19And shit
00:26:19I don't have to say this bullshit
00:26:20Every time they walk out the house
00:26:22No matter what they say
00:26:23You can be whatever you want to be
00:26:25Cause white parents don't have to say that shit
00:26:28Cause it's obvious
00:26:30That's why
00:26:30You try to say that shit to a white kid
00:26:33You go
00:26:33Yeah I know
00:26:33I know
00:26:35I know
00:26:36I can be anything
00:26:37I know
00:26:37I know
00:26:37I know
00:26:38If I work hard
00:26:39I can be anything
00:26:40Yeah I know
00:26:40I know
00:26:41You know what
00:26:41Even if I don't work hard
00:26:44I can be anything
00:26:48That shit man
00:26:49But they keep saying the same thing
00:26:51Is America ready for a black president?
00:26:53Is America ready for a black president?
00:26:55Well we should be
00:26:56We just had a retarded one
00:27:01America man
00:27:02Crazy
00:27:03So much going on right now
00:27:05And race is the big issue
00:27:07The biggest issue in the world right now
00:27:10Race
00:27:10It's a big thing man
00:27:12Racism all over the world
00:27:14It will never die
00:27:15It will never die
00:27:17It will only multiply baby
00:27:18Racism
00:27:20All over the world
00:27:21Even in my life
00:27:22There's some racism
00:27:22People go
00:27:23Really?
00:27:24Yeah yeah
00:27:24Yes in my life
00:27:25I will give you an example
00:27:27How race affects my life
00:27:28Okay
00:27:29I live
00:27:30In a place called
00:27:32Alpine New Jersey
00:27:34Live in Alpine New Jersey
00:27:35Right
00:27:35My house costs millions of dollars
00:27:43Don't hate the player
00:27:44Hate the game
00:27:51In my neighborhood
00:27:53There are four black people
00:27:56Hundreds of houses
00:27:57Four black people
00:27:58Who are these black people?
00:28:00Well let's meet
00:28:01Mary J. Blige
00:28:03Jay Z
00:28:05And Eddie Murphy
00:28:07Only black people
00:28:08In the whole neighborhood
00:28:10So let's break it down
00:28:12Let's break it down
00:28:12Me
00:28:12I'm a decent comedian
00:28:14I'm alright
00:28:14Mary J. Blige
00:28:16Mary J. Blige
00:28:17One of the greatest R&B singers
00:28:19To ever walk the earth
00:28:20Jay Z
00:28:21One of the greatest rappers
00:28:23To ever live
00:28:24Eddie Murphy
00:28:25One of the funniest actors
00:28:26To ever ever do it
00:28:28Do you know what the white man
00:28:30That lives next door to me
00:28:31Does for a living?
00:28:32He's a fucking dentist
00:28:39He ain't the best dentist in the world
00:28:43He ain't going to the
00:28:44Dental Hall of Fame
00:28:46He don't get plaques
00:28:47For getting rid of plaques
00:28:50He's just a
00:28:51Yank your tooth out dentist
00:28:53See the black man
00:28:54Gotta fly
00:28:55To get something
00:28:57That the white man
00:28:57Could walk to
00:29:01That's right baby
00:29:02Shit I had to make miracles
00:29:04Happen to get that house
00:29:06I had to host the Oscars
00:29:08To get that house
00:29:11And to this day
00:29:12I don't even believe
00:29:14It's my house
00:29:15That's why I keep a bag
00:29:17Packed right by the door
00:29:23Just in case the white people
00:29:24That really own the place
00:29:25Show up one day
00:29:28Time to go black man
00:29:30Damn I knew this day would come
00:29:32Good thing I'm packed
00:29:34Do you know what a black dentist
00:29:37Would have to do
00:29:38To move into my neighborhood?
00:29:40He'd have to invent teeth
00:29:47Racism man
00:29:48Racism out there man
00:29:49Only thing that makes me
00:29:50More angry than racism
00:29:52Only one thing that makes me
00:29:53More angry than racism
00:29:54Is black people
00:29:56That are shocked at racism
00:29:59Cause whenever something
00:30:00Racist goes down
00:30:01They always manage to find
00:30:02One black person
00:30:03That can't believe it
00:30:05I can't believe
00:30:06Amos would say that
00:30:07I'm like where the fuck
00:30:08You from
00:30:11There's nothing a white person
00:30:13Could ever say to me
00:30:14That will ever catch me off guard
00:30:17Ever
00:30:18I'm always looking for some racism
00:30:19No matter where the fuck I'm at
00:30:21I'm like where the racism
00:30:22Where the that
00:30:22Where the that
00:30:23Where the that
00:30:23I don't know
00:30:24No matter where I'm at
00:30:25I could be sitting down
00:30:26With Regis Philbin
00:30:28Doing an interview
00:30:29Talking about Madagascar 2
00:30:32Say yeah Regis Madagascar 2
00:30:34Is real good man
00:30:35I play I play a zebra again
00:30:36Oh this motherfucker's great
00:30:37And right in the middle
00:30:39Of the interview
00:30:39Regis would pull a pencil
00:30:41Out of his pocket
00:30:42Stabbed me in the neck
00:30:43Say take that
00:30:44You fucking nigger
00:30:44Take that you dirty
00:30:45Greasy nigger
00:30:46Take that you fucking nigger
00:30:48And I'll be like
00:30:49I should have seen it coming
00:30:54I let Regis get too close
00:30:57I'll be mad at me
00:30:58I'll apologize
00:30:59Hey man I left my neck
00:31:00All out man
00:31:02I'm sorry man
00:31:03I'm sorry
00:31:05Yeah man
00:31:06Race man
00:31:07Big man
00:31:07We live in a crazy time man
00:31:09We live in an insane time man
00:31:11We live in a time
00:31:12Where if you say the wrong thing
00:31:14You in trouble
00:31:15We live in
00:31:16This is the first time
00:31:17In the history of the world
00:31:18Where white men
00:31:19Actually have to watch
00:31:20What they say
00:31:21White men are getting in trouble
00:31:23For saying the wrong words
00:31:25Man
00:31:25It's unbelievable man
00:31:26And a lot of white guys
00:31:28Hey man
00:31:28It's not fair
00:31:29You can say whatever you want
00:31:31You can say nigger
00:31:32Yeah
00:31:33When I last checked
00:31:34That was the only advantage
00:31:35I had to be in black
00:31:40You want to switch places
00:31:42You scream nigger
00:31:43And I'll raise interest rates
00:31:52Yeah
00:31:53This is the first time
00:31:54In the history of the world
00:31:55Where white men
00:31:56Have to watch their tongue
00:31:59Ain't nothing
00:31:59White guys
00:32:00Don't worry about it
00:32:01You know
00:32:01That's how life works man
00:32:03That's how life works
00:32:05Sometimes the people
00:32:06With the most shit
00:32:08Have to shut up
00:32:09And let other people
00:32:10Talk shit about them
00:32:12That's how life works
00:32:13That's right
00:32:14Sometimes the people
00:32:15With the most shit
00:32:15Get to say the least shit
00:32:17And the people
00:32:18With the least shit
00:32:18Get to say the most shit
00:32:20So if you want to say most shit
00:32:22Get rid of some of your shit
00:32:25That's how the world works man
00:32:27Some people get to talk
00:32:28About other people
00:32:29And that's just how it goes man
00:32:31For instance
00:32:32Like fat girls
00:32:33Could say whatever
00:32:34They want to
00:32:35About skinny girls
00:32:36Fat girls
00:32:37Could talk about skinny girls
00:32:39All day long
00:32:40Fucking skinny bitch
00:32:42Skinny ass
00:32:44Anorexic
00:32:44Bulimic
00:32:45Fucking regurgitating
00:32:47Bitch
00:32:48Fucking
00:32:49Cheerio belt
00:32:50Wearing bitch
00:32:51Salad eating
00:32:53Motherfucker
00:32:53Hope she chokes
00:32:54On her crouton
00:32:58But skinny girls
00:33:00Can't talk about fat girls
00:33:01Just just me
00:33:05Look at these big bitches
00:33:10Do they freebase gravy?
00:33:16Food is not your friend
00:33:18It's not your friend
00:33:20For instance
00:33:25Short guys
00:33:26Can talk about tall guys
00:33:28All day long
00:33:29Short guys
00:33:31Can say whatever
00:33:31They want to
00:33:32About tall guys
00:33:33You tall bastard
00:33:34You tall mother fucker
00:33:37I hope your head
00:33:38Hits an air conditioning bed
00:33:41I hope Bin Laden
00:33:42Flies a plane
00:33:43Into your lips
00:33:49But tall guys
00:33:50Can't talk about short guys
00:33:52That's just me
00:33:54Look at these midget motherfuckers
00:33:58Fee-fi-fo fucker
00:34:08Like poor people
00:34:09Can talk about rich people
00:34:10All day long
00:34:12Poor people can say
00:34:13Whatever they want to
00:34:14About rich people
00:34:15You fucking rich bastard
00:34:16I hope your yacht
00:34:18Hits an iceberg
00:34:19In the summer
00:34:23Fucking
00:34:24I hope your Picasso
00:34:26Falls off the wall
00:34:27And kills your mother
00:34:30Fucking rich bastard
00:34:33But rich people
00:34:34Can't talk about poor people
00:34:36That's just me
00:34:38Like look at these
00:34:39Broke bastards
00:34:42Perhaps we should
00:34:43Raise the prices
00:34:44So we don't have to
00:34:45See these people again
00:34:49Is that a Hyundai?
00:34:52With cloth interior
00:34:53Ooh
00:34:56Yes man
00:34:57That's right
00:34:58You gotta watch
00:34:58What you say
00:34:59Even some black people
00:35:00Have to watch
00:35:00What they say
00:35:01Even some black people
00:35:02Gotta watch
00:35:02What they say
00:35:03Listen my man
00:35:04On Grey's Anatomy
00:35:05Got fired
00:35:09For calling somebody
00:35:10A faggot
00:35:11Yeah we live in a crazy time
00:35:12You gotta watch
00:35:13What you say baby
00:35:14Between the internet
00:35:15And all these shows
00:35:16You say the wrong thing
00:35:16Your career's over
00:35:17But here's the crazy thing
00:35:20Man it's not about
00:35:21The words sometimes
00:35:22Man it ain't about
00:35:23The words
00:35:23All bad words
00:35:24Ain't bad
00:35:25Sometimes it's about
00:35:26The context
00:35:27In which the word
00:35:28Is said
00:35:29It's not always
00:35:30The word
00:35:31It's the context
00:35:32In which the word
00:35:34Is said
00:35:35So you say
00:35:35Some you know
00:35:36Depending on
00:35:37What you talking about
00:35:37You know you say
00:35:38Something like
00:35:38Man you the finest
00:35:39Bitch I ever seen
00:35:40That's a compliment
00:35:44It ain't the word
00:35:45It's the context
00:35:47In which the word
00:35:48Is being said
00:35:49So my man
00:35:49On Grey's Anatomy
00:35:50It ain't that
00:35:51He calls somebody
00:35:52A faggot
00:35:52It's like
00:35:53How did he say faggot
00:35:55How did he say it
00:35:56Did he come in
00:35:57Early one day
00:35:58And go
00:35:58Morning faggot
00:36:02Cause if he did that
00:36:03He should be fired
00:36:04But how
00:36:05Did he say it
00:36:06Was he having a fight
00:36:07With this person
00:36:08Was he having an argument
00:36:09With this person
00:36:10Did he have a relationship
00:36:11Of some sort
00:36:11How did he say
00:36:13And here's the other thing
00:36:15Too if they was
00:36:15Having a fight
00:36:16What I just think
00:36:18Personally if you
00:36:19Having a fight
00:36:19With somebody
00:36:20You should be able
00:36:21To say whatever
00:36:22You think is gonna
00:36:23Hurt this person
00:36:24The most
00:36:25Well I gotta be
00:36:26Politically correct
00:36:27And mad
00:36:28At the same time
00:36:30Like if I'm driving
00:36:32And somebody
00:36:33Crashes into me
00:36:34And they got one leg
00:36:35I'm gonna talk
00:36:36About the leg
00:36:42Hey you one legged
00:36:44Bastard
00:36:45No wonder
00:36:46You can't break
00:36:49I hope you got
00:36:50Some two legged
00:36:51Insurance
00:36:55But how
00:36:56Did he say
00:36:57Faggot
00:36:58And here's a real
00:36:59Question
00:36:59Nobody wants to ask
00:37:01What if the person
00:37:03That he called
00:37:04A faggot
00:37:07Was acting
00:37:08Like a faggot
00:37:10And I'm not
00:37:11Trying to disrespect
00:37:12Any gay people
00:37:13I have gay friends
00:37:13I know I have
00:37:14Gay fans
00:37:15I know some of y'all
00:37:16Are here tonight
00:37:16I just wanna say
00:37:18Thanks for the money
00:37:23I'm all for gay rights
00:37:24I hope you get
00:37:25The right to get married
00:37:26And buy cereal
00:37:29And whatever you
00:37:30Being denied
00:37:30I hope you get it
00:37:32Cause I think
00:37:33Gay fans
00:37:34Are some of the
00:37:34Best fans to have
00:37:35Cause they can buy
00:37:37Tickets faster than
00:37:38Anybody
00:37:39You know why
00:37:40Cause they don't have
00:37:40Any fucking kids
00:37:41That's why
00:37:43That's right
00:37:44You never see
00:37:44No gay homeless people
00:37:49There's no gay homeless people
00:37:51And there's no
00:37:51Asian homeless people
00:37:53That's just
00:37:54The homeless rules
00:37:56The homeless
00:37:57Discriminate
00:37:58That's they do
00:37:59You'd think
00:38:00They would be
00:38:00More understanding
00:38:01But where was I
00:38:03What
00:38:04If the person
00:38:05That he called
00:38:06A faggot
00:38:08Was acting
00:38:09Like a faggot
00:38:10Cause you
00:38:11You don't have to be
00:38:12Gay
00:38:12To act like a faggot
00:38:14You don't even
00:38:15Have to be a man
00:38:16To act like a faggot
00:38:17Anybody
00:38:18Can act like a faggot
00:38:20Let me give you
00:38:21An example
00:38:23I love
00:38:24Gwen Stefani
00:38:26I think
00:38:27No doubt
00:38:27Is one of the
00:38:28Best groups
00:38:28In the world
00:38:29I keep a
00:38:30No doubt
00:38:31CD in my car
00:38:32And I sing
00:38:33That shit
00:38:34To the end
00:38:34I'm like
00:38:35Don't speak
00:38:35I know just
00:38:37What you're saying
00:38:38Oh please
00:38:39Stop explaining
00:38:41I won't even
00:38:42Get out my car
00:38:43Till the shit's over
00:38:44I'm like
00:38:44You know you're good
00:38:45You know you're real good
00:38:48La la la la la
00:38:51La la la
00:38:53Don't
00:38:55Don't
00:38:56I fucking love me
00:38:57Some Gwen Stefani
00:38:58Right
00:38:58Now
00:38:59If I'm driving my car
00:39:01And I'm at the light
00:39:02And you're in the car
00:39:03Behind me
00:39:04And the light's red
00:39:05And I'm just sitting there
00:39:07Blasting some Gwen Stefani
00:39:08And I'm just like
00:39:09Ain't no holla back
00:39:10Girl
00:39:11Ain't no holla back
00:39:12Girl
00:39:13Ain't no holla back
00:39:14And you're in the car
00:39:16Behind me
00:39:16And the light's red
00:39:17Cool
00:39:17But then the light
00:39:19Turned green
00:39:20And I don't see it
00:39:21Cause I'm in Gwen Stefani
00:39:22Heaven
00:39:23And I'm just going
00:39:24Ain't no holla back
00:39:25Girl
00:39:26Ain't no holla back
00:39:27Girl
00:39:28Ain't no holla back
00:39:30Now the light
00:39:31Starts fucking blinking
00:39:32It's getting ready
00:39:34To turn red again
00:39:35And I still don't see it
00:39:37And I'm in my car
00:39:38Going
00:39:39The shit
00:39:39Is bananas
00:39:41Be
00:39:41Na na na na na na
00:39:43The shit
00:39:44Is bananas
00:39:45Be
00:39:46Na na na na na
00:39:47Now
00:39:48If you in the car
00:39:49Behind me
00:39:50And that light's
00:39:51Getting ready
00:39:52To turn red
00:39:52And I'm going
00:39:53The shit
00:39:54Is bananas
00:39:55Be
00:39:56Na na na na na
00:39:57If you in that car
00:39:59Behind me
00:39:59You have the right
00:40:00To go
00:40:01Hey
00:40:01Faggot
00:40:02The light's
00:40:02About a jam
00:40:17Shit
00:40:18Even Elton John
00:40:19Would call me
00:40:20A faggot
00:40:22At that moment
00:40:26It's not the word
00:40:28It's the context
00:40:29In which the word
00:40:31Is being said
00:40:32That's what's going on
00:40:34It ain't the word
00:40:34It's the context
00:40:36Now
00:40:36Speaking of words
00:40:38Now they're trying
00:40:38To get rid of
00:40:39The word nigga
00:40:41Trying to get rid
00:40:41Of my beloved nigga
00:40:45Shit
00:40:45Last year
00:40:46The NAACP
00:40:48Had a
00:40:48Had a
00:40:49Funeral
00:40:49For the word nigga
00:40:50Well tonight
00:40:52Well tonight is Easter
00:40:53Well tonight is Easter
00:41:03Shit
00:41:04That's right
00:41:06Whenever the word nigga
00:41:08Is spoken
00:41:09It is always followed
00:41:10By the same question
00:41:11Can white people
00:41:13Say nigga
00:41:15And the correct answer is
00:41:17Not really
00:41:20You have to check
00:41:21With your nigga consulate
00:41:24Talk to your nigga representative
00:41:26And they will tell you
00:41:27The nigga rules
00:41:28Where you are
00:41:29At that particular time
00:41:31That's right man
00:41:32Cause we live in a crazy time
00:41:34With Dr. King
00:41:34And Mr. Mandela's dreams
00:41:35Are coming true
00:41:36And black people
00:41:37And white people
00:41:37And Asians
00:41:38And Indians
00:41:38And everybody's
00:41:39Hanging out together
00:41:40To have interracial posses
00:41:42It's unbelievable
00:41:43What's going on man
00:41:44Unbelievable
00:41:47Unbelievable
00:41:48It's unbelievable
00:41:49All my black friends
00:41:51Have a bunch of white friends
00:41:52And all my white friends
00:41:55Have one black friend
00:42:05Yeah man
00:42:07But if you have
00:42:09An interracial posse
00:42:10If you are in an interracial posse
00:42:11You have to figure out
00:42:12You know
00:42:12What are the rules
00:42:13Of the interracial posse
00:42:15What are the Dr. Dre rules
00:42:17Of your crib
00:42:19That's right
00:42:20Cause you know
00:42:21What are the Dr. Dre rules
00:42:22What are the rules
00:42:24When a Dr. Dre song
00:42:25Comes on the radio
00:42:26Or plays at a club
00:42:27What is the procedure
00:42:29That goes into effect
00:42:31Cause sometimes
00:42:32I'm with my white friends
00:42:33And the Dr. Dre song
00:42:35Will come on
00:42:36And there's a lot of niggas
00:42:38In a Dr. Dre song
00:42:39And they want to enjoy it
00:42:41But they can't really enjoy it
00:42:43Around me
00:42:46So they start
00:42:47Taking out the niggas
00:42:48Or mumbling the niggas
00:42:50And it's just a sad sight to see
00:42:53It's just sad
00:42:54To see some white person
00:42:56Trying to do a niggaless rendition
00:43:00Of a Dr. Dre song
00:43:01It's just fucking depressing
00:43:04And they're trying to rap along
00:43:06Without saying nigga
00:43:07And they're like
00:43:07Creeping down the back street
00:43:09On knees
00:43:09I got some a Glock cop
00:43:11Cause I don't know
00:43:11What the fuck to say
00:43:14Tick to tack like that
00:43:15And I never hesitate
00:43:17To put a
00:43:22But I know
00:43:23When I'm not there
00:43:24Shit
00:43:25They lean into that shit
00:43:29He's not here
00:43:30Turn it up
00:43:32And they're like
00:43:33Down the back street
00:43:35On knees
00:43:35I got some a Glock cop
00:43:37Cause nigger
00:43:45Tick to tack like that
00:43:47And I never hesitate
00:43:48To put a
00:43:49Nigger
00:43:51On his back
00:43:53And kill him
00:43:54I hate niggas
00:43:57Say hey man
00:43:58That's not even in the song
00:44:01I got a little carried away
00:44:02Sorry about that
00:44:03They should put it in
00:44:05They really should
00:44:09Don't worry white people
00:44:11Get your Dre on
00:44:12Get your Dre on
00:44:13Get your J on
00:44:14Get your Kanye on
00:44:15It's alright
00:44:16It's all good
00:44:17It's okay
00:44:17It's gotta be
00:44:18In the song though
00:44:19It's gotta be in the song
00:44:20It's got to be in the song
00:44:22So the question remains the same
00:44:24Can white people say
00:44:26Nigger
00:44:27And the answer's the same
00:44:29Not really
00:44:31Oh there's some exceptions
00:44:33Like fuck me harder nigger
00:44:42A lot of white women
00:44:43Trying not to laugh
00:44:43In front of their husbands
00:44:44Right now
00:44:49Honey I was in college
00:44:53I had to see what it was about
00:44:55He made me say it
00:45:01But the question remains the same
00:45:03Can white people say nigger
00:45:06And the answer's the same
00:45:08Not really
00:45:10But wait a minute
00:45:11There's one exception
00:45:14There's one exception
00:45:15There's one instance
00:45:18Where white people can say nigger
00:45:20And I'ma let it out tonight
00:45:23I'ma let it out here
00:45:24In Johannesburg
00:45:28The one time
00:45:30That white people
00:45:31Can say nigger
00:45:32And white people like
00:45:33This is what I paid for
00:45:41It's a fucking great night now
00:45:44The one time
00:45:45The one time
00:45:45White people can say nigger
00:45:47And here goes
00:45:49Listen closely
00:45:50Cause I may never say this shit again
00:45:53The one time
00:45:55White people can say nigger
00:45:56Okay
00:45:59If it's Christmas Eve
00:46:01And it's between 4.30
00:46:03And 4.49
00:46:05In the morning
00:46:07If you white
00:46:08And you on your way
00:46:10To Toys R Us
00:46:11To get your kid
00:46:13The last Transformer doll
00:46:16And right before you walk
00:46:18In the Toys R Us
00:46:19Some black person
00:46:20Runs up beside you
00:46:22Smacks you in the head
00:46:23With a brick
00:46:24Knocks you to the ground
00:46:25Stomps you in the face
00:46:27Take that you
00:46:27Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:28Take that you
00:46:29Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:30Take that you
00:46:31Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:32Motherfucker
00:46:33Take that
00:46:34River dances on your head
00:46:36Take that you
00:46:37Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:38Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:39Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:40Take that you
00:46:41Crack ass motherfucker
00:46:42Takes your money
00:46:43Pisses on you
00:46:46And runs away
00:46:47If you white
00:46:49At that moment
00:46:50You can say
00:46:50Somebody stop that nigga
00:46:52Thank you
00:47:06Matter of fact
00:47:07Matter of fact
00:47:07If you white
00:47:08And that happens to you
00:47:09You can say nigga
00:47:10For a whole month
00:47:14But you gotta walk around
00:47:15With the police report
00:47:16In your pocket
00:47:19Case in and black people
00:47:20Catch you
00:47:20Saying nigga
00:47:21The police report
00:47:22Will act as your
00:47:23Freedom papers
00:47:26Hey I heard you
00:47:27Say nigga
00:47:27Let me see your
00:47:28Fucking papers
00:47:29Give me the papers
00:47:30Show me the papers
00:47:35Christmas Eve
00:47:40Four forty
00:47:41Four forty
00:47:41Eight
00:47:43You just made it
00:47:44Motherfucker
00:47:50Pissed on you
00:47:53I hope they catch that nigga
00:48:06Oh man
00:48:07Having a good time
00:48:08Up here man
00:48:09Good time up here
00:48:11Paolo
00:48:15Paolo
00:48:17Up here working
00:48:18Up here working
00:48:19I'm up here trying
00:48:20To do my thing
00:48:21This ain't really work though
00:48:22This is not really work
00:48:23This is my career
00:48:26It's not really a job
00:48:27This is my career
00:48:29You know some people
00:48:29Have jobs
00:48:30Some people have
00:48:32Careers
00:48:33Some of y'all
00:48:34In the audience
00:48:35Some of y'all got jobs
00:48:36Some of y'all have careers
00:48:38Now the people
00:48:39In the audience
00:48:39With careers
00:48:40Need to learn to
00:48:41Shut the fuck up
00:48:43When you're around
00:48:44People with jobs
00:48:47They don't want to hear
00:48:48Your career bullshit
00:48:49Keep that shit
00:48:50To yourself
00:48:52Okay
00:48:54Don't let your happiness
00:48:55Make somebody sad
00:48:57Cause that's what it does
00:48:59Nah nah man
00:49:01But I used to work
00:49:02I used to have a job
00:49:02I used to work at Red Lobster
00:49:04I used to work at Red Lobster
00:49:06And on Queens Boulevard
00:49:07I was um
00:49:10Oh I served you
00:49:11Good good
00:49:12No no
00:49:13I was a dishwasher
00:49:15Used to scrape shrimp
00:49:17In the garbage cans
00:49:17And then load up
00:49:18The dishwasher man
00:49:19And that was my real job
00:49:20I never got a raise
00:49:21I never got a promotion
00:49:23They kept me in the back
00:49:24They kept me back there
00:49:25Cause I had really
00:49:26Fucked up teeth
00:49:28And they didn't want people
00:49:29To think that shrimp
00:49:30Fucked up your teeth
00:49:32And that's what they do
00:49:33At restaurants
00:49:34They put the ugliest
00:49:36People in the back
00:49:36So if you don't like
00:49:38The people in the front
00:49:38You don't want to see
00:49:40The people in the back
00:49:42And that was my real job
00:49:44I wasn't working my way
00:49:45Through school
00:49:46I wasn't working my way
00:49:47And telling jokes
00:49:48That was my life
00:49:491989
00:49:50I was scraping shrimp
00:49:52Okay
00:49:52And people go
00:49:53Chris how'd you end up
00:49:54Like that
00:49:55How the fuck
00:49:55Did that happen to you
00:49:56Minimum wage job
00:49:58I'll tell you exactly
00:49:59How that happened to me
00:50:00I dropped out of school
00:50:02In the 10th grade
00:50:04Dropped out in the 10th grade
00:50:06Which is the dumbest thing
00:50:07You could ever fucking do
00:50:09You know why
00:50:10Cause when you drop out
00:50:11In the 10th grade
00:50:12You really might as well
00:50:14Have dropped out
00:50:15In the 2nd grade
00:50:17Why
00:50:18Cause you qualified
00:50:18For the exact same jobs
00:50:22Matter of fact
00:50:23The person that dropped out
00:50:24In the 2nd grade
00:50:25Is more qualified
00:50:26Cause they have
00:50:278 years of work experience
00:50:33Yeah man
00:50:34Used to scrape
00:50:36Those fucking shrimp man
00:50:37Used to kill me
00:50:39But I'll tell you this right now
00:50:40Now I have a career
00:50:41I have been blessed
00:50:42With a career
00:50:42So if you got a career
00:50:44Thank God
00:50:44If you got a job
00:50:45I hope you get a career
00:50:46One day
00:50:47That's right
00:50:48Cause when you got a career
00:50:49There ain't enough time
00:50:50In the day
00:50:51There ain't enough time
00:50:53When you got a career
00:50:54You look at your watch
00:50:55Time just flies
00:50:56You're like
00:50:56God damn
00:50:57Whoa
00:50:58It's 535
00:51:00Damn
00:51:00I gotta come in early tomorrow
00:51:02And work on my project
00:51:04Cause there ain't enough time
00:51:05When you got a career
00:51:07When you got a job
00:51:09There's too much time
00:51:12That's right
00:51:12You look at your watch
00:51:13You're like
00:51:13Ah shit
00:51:149.08
00:51:18You don't even trust
00:51:19The time
00:51:19When you got a job
00:51:20You'll be like
00:51:21What time you got
00:51:21What time you got
00:51:23What time you got
00:51:23What time you got
00:51:24What time you got
00:51:259.15
00:51:26Whoever got the latest time
00:51:28Is the right time
00:51:29He got the right time
00:51:30He got the right time
00:51:32You ever play the time game
00:51:34With yourself at work
00:51:36You ever play the time game
00:51:37Where you go
00:51:38Well, I'm not
00:51:39Gonna look at my watch
00:51:41For two hours
00:51:44I said
00:51:44I'm gonna sit here
00:51:45And scrape these shrimp
00:51:47Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape
00:51:49Scrape, scrape, scrape
00:51:49Scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape
00:51:51Scrape, scrape, scrape
00:51:53Okay, hours pass
00:51:56Maybe I should look
00:51:58And feel good
00:52:00Nah, fuck that
00:52:01I'm gonna wait
00:52:01A whole nother hour
00:52:04Scrape, scrape, scrape
00:52:05Scrape, scrape, scrape
00:52:05Scrape, scrape, scrape
00:52:06Scrape, scrape, scrape
00:52:13all right two hours passed time to look and feel good about myself
00:52:18and you look for 15 minutes
00:52:27you ever been so miserable at work that you spend extra time just sitting on the toilet
00:52:34you don't even have your pants down you're just like
00:52:38i hate this fucking job i hate it people around you taking smelly shits
00:52:48they don't even faze you you're like i don't give a fuck you keep shitting because i ain't quitting
00:52:59man you know how you can tell you got a real bad job
00:53:01when they give you that half hour lunch break
00:53:05whoo there's nothing worse than a half hour lunch break to a grown person
00:53:10why don't you just get a little spoon and give me some applesauce while you're at it
00:53:14the fuck a half hour lunch break
00:53:17by the time you put on your jacket walk around the corner
00:53:21go to the sandwich spot order a sandwich wait for them to make it
00:53:25then get on another line to pay for it
00:53:2728 minutes have passed
00:53:30now you're rushing back to work you're eating your sandwich you're spilling beer down your shirt
00:53:35and when you get in your boss got the nerve to go hey man you're eight minutes late
00:53:39fuck you
00:53:43do you realize even criminals in jail get an hour lunch break
00:53:48like can i at least eat like a murderer
00:53:52i bet if i shot your ass i could finish this sandwich
00:53:57she gotta work gotta work we all gotta work we all gotta work why we spend money on things we
00:54:05used to get for free
00:54:06we spend money on things we used to get for free like water
00:54:12that's right you can still get free water but nobody does it that's right we spend money
00:54:16on water buying bottled water do you know how many people on earth right now are dying of thirst how
00:54:24many people walk 10 and 20 miles to get some fresh water and we so
00:54:29fucking spoil we buy bottled water you know what it means when you buy bottled water
00:54:34that means you only use tap water on your ass
00:54:39and you wonder why people want to blow us the fuck up we got ass water that's why
00:54:45they die in the thirst for me like i gotta wash my ass
00:54:48i gotta wash it
00:54:55fuck man you know why they call it tap water
00:54:58cause you just tap it on your nuts that's why
00:55:02yeah man
00:55:04bottled water man
00:55:05you know the craziest thing we spend money on
00:55:08the craziest thing we all done it you done it i done it we all done it
00:55:12the craziest thing we spend money on ringtones
00:55:17the phone used to ring for free
00:55:22but bring bring just wasn't good enough for some of y'all
00:55:26i need a ring that expresses who i am
00:55:29i need to hear sexy back when my phone rings
00:55:32and now they got us now they got us
00:55:34we're gonna have ringtones for the rest of our lives
00:55:37people know we're not oh yes we are
00:55:39cause i'll tell you exactly what's gonna happen
00:55:41in this crazy george bush deregulated world we live in
00:55:45here's what's gonna happen
00:55:46the phone company is going to buy the ringtone company
00:55:51and then they're gonna start selling us phones that don't fucking ring
00:55:57they're gonna make you buy a ringtone or else you're gonna have to guess when your phone is ringing
00:56:08hello hello hello i'll pick it up every four minutes just in case
00:56:14hello hello damn i need to buy sexy back
00:56:18you gotta get your money right
00:56:20you got to get your money right
00:56:22men you must get your money right men you hear me you have to get your money right it's important
00:56:29for
00:56:29men to get their money right women it's important for you to get your money right but it's not as
00:56:33important for you as it is for us why women because no one will ever not fuck you because you're
00:56:40broke
00:56:44your pussy will never be turned down for financial reasons
00:56:50it ain't gonna happen that's right pussies like visa accepted everywhere
00:57:01that's right next time you don't got no cash go do you take pussy
00:57:06of course we take pussy who doesn't take pussy how much pussy you got
00:57:15brother i love being a man but i just wish i had a pussy i really do i wish i
00:57:20had a pussy
00:57:21just for negotiation purposes just so when i'm negotiating a deal i can put that motherfucker
00:57:28on the table like okay what about now
00:57:36it's a deal
00:57:40yeah man whatever man hard being a man today hard being a man today why is it so hard to
00:57:47be a man
00:57:48cause nobody cares about men nobody gives a fuck about men you see a homeless man on the street
00:57:55with a dog you feel sorry for the dog so we got to give that dog some food
00:58:04what about the man oh fuck
00:58:07so every night on tv i see there's a new missing woman
00:58:10we gotta find carol where's carol we must find carol carol didn't come home last night
00:58:17where the fuck is carol i never see one of these things for a missing man yet
00:58:23it's like bob didn't come home last night good
00:58:28i hope he never comes home probably out fucking carol somewhere
00:58:36that's right hard being a man today why is it so hard being a man because you got to deal
00:58:40with
00:58:41today's woman got to deal with today's one today's woman's a hard one to deal with boy
00:58:45what's the show all the women watch today desperate housewives desperate housewives
00:58:51bunch of women living in nice houses some of them don't even work they all cheat on their husband
00:58:58they need to change the name of that show from desperate housewives to ungrateful bitches
00:59:13every week they fuck the pool boy or the gardener
00:59:16and he can fuck real good too
00:59:18you know why cause he don't have a full time job that's why
00:59:22shit i could fuck that good too if i had an extra eight hours to work on my stroke
00:59:30you know what i'm not even that good and bad i don't give a fuck my bills are paid
00:59:35you better let this security make your titties tingle
00:59:42shit i have never knocked out the pussy in my life
00:59:46i've never knocked out the pussy in my life
00:59:50i've won by decision
00:59:54that's right two out of every five times i fuck you it's good two out of five them other three
00:59:59are horrible
01:00:01just when you're ready to pack your shit i give you a good one
01:00:08and where'd that come from viagra
01:00:12that's right man what do women want what the fuck do women want
01:00:17everything everything everything
01:00:21everything all around the world it's the same answer everything everything everything
01:00:28that's right man only women can get away with that answer everything nobody else is allowed to say everything
01:00:34when a man wants something he goes damn i want that i want it bad
01:00:38i gotta figure out what i got to do to get that
01:00:42when a woman wants something she goes damn i want that i want it bad
01:00:46i gotta figure out who i could get to get me that
01:00:52big differences man women want a lot man
01:00:55women want you to get on one knee and go i love you more than anything else in the world
01:01:01i think you're the most beautiful intelligent creature on earth
01:01:04and i want to spend the rest of my life with you
01:01:06but we ain't saying that
01:01:08we're not saying that unless we really fucked up bad
01:01:14we're gonna keep that one in our back pocket
01:01:16we're not gonna just break it out on a tuesday
01:01:20ladies if you ever hear a man talking that shit
01:01:22he might have fucked your sister
01:01:27okay
01:01:29ladies you know what the most romantic words a man can say to you
01:01:33the most romantic words a man will ever say to you
01:01:36are these words
01:01:39i ain't going nowhere
01:01:43it don't get no more romantic than
01:01:45i ain't going nowhere
01:01:47you know why
01:01:48because when a man says
01:01:49i ain't going nowhere
01:01:51what he's trying to tell you is
01:01:53i've actually thought about going somewhere
01:01:56i talked to a lawyer
01:01:58i looked at a place
01:01:59and i realized i'm gonna go through this same shit with the next girl
01:02:03so why not just stay here and be miserable with you
01:02:08i ain't going nowhere
01:02:11you in there
01:02:13so much difference between men and women man
01:02:15one of the biggest differences between men and women
01:02:17men are actually happy
01:02:19when women go out with their girlfriends and have a good time
01:02:23when you go out with your girlfriends and have a good time
01:02:25we're fucking happy for you
01:02:26you come home and go me and my girlfriends are gonna go see sex in the city
01:02:30we're like great
01:02:32now i don't have to take it to see that shit
01:02:44why don't you go see mamma mia while you're at it
01:02:50and you go and see it
01:02:51you come back
01:02:52you're like oh sex in the city was so good
01:02:54you should have saw the wedding
01:02:56and carrie got married to pig
01:02:58i can't believe it
01:03:00and we're fucking happy for you
01:03:02we're happy for you
01:03:03but it don't work the other way around
01:03:06women never want us to have a good time
01:03:10ever ever ever ever ever ever
01:03:14fellas
01:03:15if your woman come home from work
01:03:17and you got a smile on your face
01:03:20that she didn't put there
01:03:22she gets suspicious
01:03:24what the fuck you smiling about
01:03:27i ain't fucking in three weeks
01:03:29what the fuck you smiling about
01:03:31that's right
01:03:33that's right fellas
01:03:34when you go out with your boys
01:03:35and your woman says
01:03:36how was it
01:03:36let's go
01:03:37it was alright
01:03:39cause if you gonna be on ice
01:03:41you gonna be in a fight
01:03:43you can't be like
01:03:44oh baby it was unbelievable
01:03:46i had the best time of my life
01:03:48a-rod hit a home run
01:03:50in the bottom of the night
01:03:51i couldn't believe it
01:03:52watch what happened the next day
01:03:54you waiting for your food
01:03:56no fucking food
01:03:59like hey baby
01:04:00what's up with the food
01:04:00why don't you tell a-rod
01:04:02to cook yourself
01:04:06your fucking boyfriend
01:04:08a-rod
01:04:10yeah man
01:04:11women want it all
01:04:12so
01:04:13many
01:04:14fucking
01:04:14differences
01:04:15a lot of dates tonight
01:04:16a lot of dates
01:04:17a lot of men
01:04:19took women out tonight
01:04:20they haven't even
01:04:21fucked yet
01:04:23see i'ma take her
01:04:24to see chris rock
01:04:25i'ma close this deal
01:04:27with some chris rock tickets
01:04:35yeah
01:04:37yeah
01:04:37ten percent of that pussy's mine
01:04:42save me a lick or something
01:04:44okay
01:04:48now every man in here
01:04:50that's what a woman
01:04:51he hasn't fucked yet
01:04:52is all thinking the same thing
01:04:55when do i whip it out
01:04:59do i just shove a hand
01:05:00out there
01:05:01when we start kissing
01:05:02goodnight
01:05:02watch her move it
01:05:03like she got cerebral palsy
01:05:05or some shit
01:05:11do i put it on a tray
01:05:12like an appetizer
01:05:15sprinkle some parsley
01:05:16around there
01:05:18bone appetit
01:05:22how should the lighting be
01:05:23should i put some
01:05:24vaseline
01:05:26some lotion on it
01:05:28can't just whip out
01:05:29an ashy dick right
01:05:36and then once you whip it out
01:05:37there's always a chance
01:05:38that the woman goes
01:05:39could you put that back
01:05:41could you put that
01:05:42ah shit
01:05:43you know how hard it is
01:05:44to get a dick back
01:05:44in the pants
01:05:45a fucking black dick
01:05:47god damn
01:05:48what the fuck
01:05:50your dick is out there
01:05:51on a false alarm
01:05:53then your dick looks up
01:05:54at you like
01:05:54what the fuck
01:05:55was you thinking
01:05:57got me out of here
01:05:58with this bullshit
01:06:01that never happens
01:06:02to women
01:06:03women never whip out
01:06:04a titty in here
01:06:05hey put that titty back
01:06:10if i'd known you was
01:06:11whipping out titties
01:06:12i wouldn't even have
01:06:12come upstairs
01:06:14put the titty back
01:06:16are we gonna watch
01:06:17this movie
01:06:17or what
01:06:20and you know
01:06:20the other fucked up
01:06:21thing is guys
01:06:22once we whip it out
01:06:23we never know
01:06:23what we got
01:06:24we never know
01:06:25if it's big or not
01:06:26because women
01:06:26lie to us
01:06:27about our dick
01:06:28so much
01:06:28we don't know
01:06:29what the fuck
01:06:30we got
01:06:31because when a woman's
01:06:32in love
01:06:32your dick's huge
01:06:34and the more
01:06:35they hate you
01:06:36the smaller
01:06:37your fucking
01:06:37dick gets
01:06:39so you don't know
01:06:40what the fuck
01:06:41you got
01:06:41you all disillusioned
01:06:42your shit is
01:06:43big and small
01:06:44you know
01:06:44what the fuck
01:06:44you got
01:06:45are you walking
01:06:46around with
01:06:46the big dick
01:06:47walk with
01:06:47the little dick
01:06:48and shit
01:06:54walking like this
01:06:55when you should
01:06:56be walking
01:06:56like this
01:06:59we don't know
01:07:00what the fuck
01:07:01we got
01:07:01i don't know
01:07:02what i got
01:07:02i mean
01:07:03i mean
01:07:03i'm lucky
01:07:04i'm skinny
01:07:04so i got
01:07:05a little
01:07:05backdrop
01:07:07everything looks
01:07:08bigger
01:07:08against a
01:07:09little backdrop
01:07:12like if you
01:07:13wide
01:07:13it looks like
01:07:14your dick's
01:07:14at sea
01:07:15and shit
01:07:16i don't know
01:07:17what the fuck
01:07:18i got
01:07:19you know
01:07:19but fellas
01:07:19you know
01:07:20how you can tell
01:07:20if a woman
01:07:21think you got
01:07:21a big dick
01:07:22you know
01:07:22how you can
01:07:23tell if a woman
01:07:23think you got
01:07:24a big dick
01:07:25after you whip
01:07:25it out
01:07:26she just starts
01:07:27looking at
01:07:27and then she
01:07:30says under her breath
01:07:32hello
01:07:41that's the universal
01:07:43big dick greeting
01:07:44like
01:07:44hey hey
01:07:45welcome to
01:07:46plusonia
01:07:47we got a lot
01:07:48of work for you
01:07:52men and women
01:07:53so many
01:07:54fucking
01:07:56differences
01:07:57between men
01:07:58and women
01:07:59man
01:07:59so many
01:08:00fucking
01:08:00differences
01:08:00the biggest
01:08:01difference
01:08:01between men
01:08:02and women
01:08:02one of the
01:08:02biggest
01:08:03differences
01:08:03man
01:08:04the biggest
01:08:04difference
01:08:05men and
01:08:05women
01:08:05men cannot
01:08:07go backwards
01:08:07sexually
01:08:08women cannot
01:08:10go backwards
01:08:11in lifestyle
01:08:12can't fucking
01:08:13do it
01:08:14women cannot
01:08:15go backwards
01:08:16in lifestyle
01:08:17they can't
01:08:17do it
01:08:18that's right
01:08:19they can't
01:08:20do it
01:08:21I don't
01:08:22get the best
01:08:22woman can't
01:08:23fucking do it
01:08:24can't
01:08:25fucking
01:08:25do it
01:08:26they can't
01:08:27do it
01:08:27can't do it
01:08:29can't do it
01:08:29fellas you ever
01:08:30been going through
01:08:30some hard times
01:08:31with your woman
01:08:31you lose your job
01:08:32or something
01:08:33and your woman
01:08:33tries to console you
01:08:34say hey baby
01:08:35don't worry
01:08:35we gonna get
01:08:36through this
01:08:37we gonna get
01:08:38through this
01:08:38I know we got
01:08:39some bills
01:08:39but if we got
01:08:40to get rid
01:08:40of some
01:08:41of this
01:08:41shit
01:08:41we will
01:08:41get rid
01:08:42of some
01:08:42of this
01:08:42shit
01:08:43she's talking
01:08:44about you
01:08:52can't do it
01:08:54fellas if you
01:08:55lose your job
01:08:56you gonna
01:08:56lose your woman
01:08:58that's right
01:08:59she may not
01:08:59leave the day
01:09:00you lose it
01:09:01but the countdown
01:09:01has begun
01:09:07woman can't
01:09:08do it
01:09:09lady
01:09:09remember the
01:09:10first time
01:09:11you ever
01:09:11dated a guy
01:09:12with his
01:09:12own car
01:09:13remember that
01:09:14shit
01:09:14you was
01:09:15leaving the
01:09:16club
01:09:16your girlfriends
01:09:17got on the
01:09:18bus
01:09:18you're like
01:09:18bye bitches
01:09:21I see y'all
01:09:22later
01:09:22I'm getting
01:09:23in this
01:09:24warm ass
01:09:24car
01:09:24and from
01:09:26that moment
01:09:26on
01:09:26you're like
01:09:27hey you
01:09:27better have
01:09:28a car
01:09:28you ain't
01:09:28getting
01:09:29this
01:09:29pussy
01:09:29without
01:09:29a
01:09:30car
01:09:30I am
01:09:31not
01:09:31getting
01:09:31on the
01:09:31bus
01:09:32in February
01:09:32fuck
01:09:33that
01:09:33shit
01:09:33and that's
01:09:34how the
01:09:34fuck
01:09:34you roll
01:09:35for the
01:09:35rest
01:09:36of your
01:09:36life
01:09:37ladies
01:09:37remember the
01:09:38first time
01:09:39you ever dated
01:09:39a guy
01:09:40with his own
01:09:41apartment
01:09:41remember that
01:09:42you got in there
01:09:43you were comfortable
01:09:44you're like
01:09:44I could really enjoy
01:09:46getting fucked in here
01:09:48I could scream
01:09:49and holler
01:09:50and break shit
01:09:52yell instructions
01:09:54I will never fucking
01:09:55nobody's mama's house
01:09:57again
01:09:58and you never did
01:09:59you never fucking
01:10:01did
01:10:02ladies
01:10:02remember the first
01:10:03time you ever had a man
01:10:05take you on vacation
01:10:06say woo
01:10:07this is great
01:10:09and from that moment
01:10:10on every man you've dated
01:10:11had to take you somewhere
01:10:13you let them know
01:10:14as soon as you met them
01:10:15like hey
01:10:16this is passport pussy
01:10:23if you think you can handle
01:10:24this pussy in one time zone
01:10:26you are out of your fucking mind
01:10:31and women love to tell you
01:10:33how much better the pussy
01:10:34gonna get when you get
01:10:35to the destination
01:10:36oh you ain't got nothing yet
01:10:37wait till we get to Jamaica
01:10:40you get to Jamaica
01:10:41it's the same pussy
01:10:42you had in Johannesburg
01:10:43in London
01:10:44in Brooklyn
01:10:50only difference is
01:10:51now it's got a little bit
01:10:52of sand in it
01:10:57and the crazy thing
01:10:58the crazy thing
01:10:59women love to tell you
01:11:00women got their own money now
01:11:02women have their own
01:11:03fucking money now
01:11:04and women are like
01:11:05hey
01:11:08women are like
01:11:09hey
01:11:09if you don't take me
01:11:10on a nice vacation
01:11:11I'm gonna find me
01:11:12a cute guy
01:11:13and I'm gonna pay for shit
01:11:15but that only lasts
01:11:17for like 30 days
01:11:18cause women don't like
01:11:19paying for shit
01:11:21that's right
01:11:22pussy costs money
01:11:23dick is free
01:11:26any money you spend
01:11:28on dick
01:11:28is a bad investment
01:11:32cause when it comes
01:11:33to women and money
01:11:34I tell you right now
01:11:35nothing dries up
01:11:36a pussy quicker
01:11:37than a woman
01:11:39reaching for her wallet
01:11:41there's something
01:11:42about a woman
01:11:43reaching for her wallet
01:11:44that just dries up
01:11:45the vagina
01:11:47it's almost like
01:11:49the wallet
01:11:49is sending a signal
01:11:51to the pussy
01:11:52that this man
01:11:54is not worthy
01:11:55of getting wet for
01:11:58and even later on
01:12:00when you go to
01:12:00the gynecologist
01:12:01she's like
01:12:02oh my god
01:12:03you've been paying
01:12:03for shit
01:12:09another $500
01:12:10you're gonna be
01:12:11in menopause
01:12:14women cannot
01:12:15go backwards
01:12:16in lifestyle
01:12:17men
01:12:18cannot go backwards
01:12:20sexually
01:12:21can't do it
01:12:23once we get
01:12:24the sex
01:12:25we like
01:12:26that's how
01:12:26the fuck
01:12:27we roll
01:12:29we get stubborn
01:12:30in our old days
01:12:30we're like
01:12:31I like my
01:12:31I like my coffee
01:12:32like this
01:12:33I like my steak
01:12:34like this
01:12:35and I like
01:12:35the fuck
01:12:36like this
01:12:37and if you ain't
01:12:37fucking like
01:12:38I'm fucking
01:12:39then get the
01:12:39fuck out
01:12:42ladies
01:12:43ladies
01:12:43don't get mad
01:12:44at us
01:12:44don't get mad
01:12:45at us
01:12:45get mad
01:12:46at our ex-girlfriend
01:12:48she's the one
01:12:49that spoiled
01:12:49the favorite body
01:12:50the ex-girlfriend
01:12:52that did everything
01:12:52she fucked it up
01:12:53for everybody
01:12:54call up one day
01:12:55like what
01:12:56you did what
01:12:56you licked his ass
01:13:00now he wants
01:13:01everybody to lick
01:13:02his ass
01:13:03thanks a lot
01:13:04bitch
01:13:06that's right
01:13:07ladies
01:13:08your man
01:13:09is nastier
01:13:10than you ever
01:13:11imagined
01:13:12your man
01:13:14has been watching
01:13:14porno
01:13:15since he was
01:13:1612 years old
01:13:18he has
01:13:19pornographic
01:13:20images in his head
01:13:21and he wants
01:13:22to relive
01:13:22some of this
01:13:23shit
01:13:23before he
01:13:24drops dead
01:13:26that's right
01:13:27ladies
01:13:27get up on it
01:13:28get up on it
01:13:29listen to what
01:13:30the fuck
01:13:30I'm about to
01:13:31say okay
01:13:32just because
01:13:33he came
01:13:34don't mean
01:13:35you made him
01:13:36come
01:13:43did you hear
01:13:44what the fuck
01:13:45I just said
01:13:47just because
01:13:48he came
01:13:49does not
01:13:50mean
01:13:50you made him
01:13:51come
01:13:51every man
01:13:53in this room
01:13:53got two
01:13:54levels of
01:13:55come
01:13:56every man
01:13:57in here
01:13:57got two
01:13:58levels of
01:13:59come
01:13:59and level
01:14:00one comes
01:14:01out easy
01:14:01comes out like
01:14:02ketchup
01:14:07this ain't
01:14:08coming
01:14:08it comes
01:14:08out
01:14:11but level
01:14:11two
01:14:13if we got
01:14:13a woman
01:14:14doing the
01:14:14precise nasty
01:14:15shit we like
01:14:16wearing the
01:14:17nasty shit
01:14:18we wanted
01:14:19to wear
01:14:19saying the
01:14:20nasty shit
01:14:21we wanted
01:14:21to say
01:14:21it will
01:14:22shoot out
01:14:23like a
01:14:23civil rights
01:14:25code
01:14:25free at last
01:14:27free at last
01:14:30it'll take
01:14:31a fucking
01:14:32eye out
01:14:34that's right
01:14:35that's right
01:14:36ladies
01:14:37that's right
01:14:38that's why
01:14:38you gotta be
01:14:39very careful
01:14:40about what
01:14:40you introduce
01:14:41in bed
01:14:42ain't no such
01:14:43thing as
01:14:44one time
01:14:44when it
01:14:45comes to
01:14:45sex
01:14:45cause if
01:14:46we like
01:14:47it
01:14:47it's on
01:14:48the menu
01:14:49that's right
01:14:50you gotta
01:14:50be very
01:14:51careful
01:14:52you can't
01:14:53be like
01:14:53ooh
01:14:53I'm gonna
01:14:54wear high
01:14:54heels
01:14:55tomorrow
01:14:55no
01:14:56you gonna
01:14:56wear high
01:14:57heels
01:14:57every day
01:14:59if I
01:15:00ever see
01:15:00the bottom
01:15:01of your
01:15:01feet
01:15:01again
01:15:02this
01:15:02relationship
01:15:03is over
01:15:05like ooh
01:15:06I'm gonna
01:15:06do a girl
01:15:06for your
01:15:07birthday
01:15:07no
01:15:08you gonna
01:15:09do a
01:15:09girl
01:15:09every day
01:15:10you better
01:15:11get some
01:15:12bunk beds
01:15:12in this
01:15:13motherfucker
01:15:15shit
01:15:15I remember
01:15:16the first
01:15:16time
01:15:17I ever
01:15:17had a
01:15:18girl
01:15:18to come
01:15:19out of
01:15:19my dick
01:15:20and swallow
01:15:20oh
01:15:30that felt
01:15:30so good
01:15:31I could
01:15:31read
01:15:32Arabic
01:15:38I was
01:15:38breaking down
01:15:39the Da Vinci
01:15:40code
01:15:41and right
01:15:42then I
01:15:42said
01:15:43spinners
01:15:43or quitters
01:15:45spinners
01:15:45or quitters
01:15:46yeah a lot
01:15:47of women
01:15:47in here
01:15:48grossed out
01:15:48right now
01:15:49ooh
01:15:49come in
01:15:49the mouth
01:15:50that's
01:15:50fucking
01:15:50disgusting
01:15:51fucking
01:15:52come in
01:15:52the mouth
01:15:53you always
01:15:53want to
01:15:53come in
01:15:53my fucking
01:15:54mouth
01:15:54get the fuck
01:15:55out of
01:15:55you better
01:15:55call that
01:15:56ass looking
01:15:56girl
01:15:59you are
01:15:59not
01:15:59coming in
01:16:00my mouth
01:16:00fuck that
01:16:01yeah half
01:16:02the women
01:16:02in here
01:16:03grossed out
01:16:04and the
01:16:05other half
01:16:06are in
01:16:06loving
01:16:07relationships
01:16:09hey I'm
01:16:10out of
01:16:10here
01:16:11y'all take
01:16:11care
01:16:12thank you
01:16:13come in
01:16:21Yeah, I tell you
01:16:24You put it over
01:16:26Every matter of fact, we're gonna kill you, bitch
01:16:31I'm sure I'm sure
01:16:33I'm sure
01:16:36So get high
01:16:37I'm sure
01:16:39You know
01:16:40You know
01:16:41You know
01:16:43You know
01:16:43You know
01:16:44I'm sure
01:16:49You know
01:16:49You
01:16:50You
01:16:50You
01:16:50You
01:16:50You
01:16:51You
01:16:51You
01:16:51You
01:17:54Amazing, bro.
01:17:56Amazing.
01:17:56Humble.
01:17:57Do it again.
01:17:58Come back again.
01:17:58Awesome.
01:17:59Awesome.
01:18:03Very good.
01:18:04Very, very, very good.
01:18:05You don't need antidepressant anymore.
01:18:07You don't have to listen to him.
01:18:09That was wicked, man.
01:18:11I've been, no, nonstop like that in ages, but it was wicked.
01:18:14This was awesome.
01:18:16Christian Rock.
01:18:17We love you.
01:18:19He's dead up.
01:18:20Chris Rock, man.
01:18:21Rocked.
01:18:22Really.
01:18:22Chris Rock is amazing.
01:18:24It was wicked, man.
01:18:25It was wicked.
01:18:25Really funny.
01:18:26Really funny.
01:18:28Fabulous.
01:18:29Fantastic.
01:18:30Fantastic.
01:18:31Go.
01:18:31Great.
01:18:32Great.
01:18:33Awesome.
01:18:34Awesome.
01:18:39I was fantastic.
01:18:46Great.
01:18:47Great.
01:18:47It was great.
01:18:48Oh, it was pretty.
01:18:49Very, really good.
01:18:50Perfect.
01:18:51Perfect.
01:18:52We love you, Chris Rock.
01:18:54You rock.
01:18:55You rock.
01:18:56You rock.
01:18:56It was absolutely fantastic.
01:18:58Chris Rock's a beast, man.
01:19:00He is wicked.
01:19:02He's wicked.
01:19:03He's wicked.
01:19:04He's wicked.
01:19:04He's wicked.
01:19:04He's wicked.
01:19:05He was wicked.
01:19:05Excellent, Moh graciously.
01:19:06He lived up to his reputation.
01:19:08He was great.
01:19:09Brilliant.
01:19:11Brilliant.
01:19:11Brilliant.
01:19:11I'm back to you on Chris.
01:19:13Chris Rock, rock!
01:19:14You rock?
01:19:15He's the best.
01:19:16We are all in happy relationships.
01:19:18I don't know.
01:19:20I don't know.
01:19:27I don't know.
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