Dave Chappelle takes on gun culture, the opioid crisis and the tidal wave of celebrity scandals in a defiant stand-up special filmed in Atlanta.
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#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #davechappelle #davechappellecomedy #davechappellestandup
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00:00:26I was dreaming when I wrote this
00:00:28Forgive me if it goes astray
00:00:33But when I woke up this morning
00:00:36Could have sworn it was judgment day
00:00:39The sky was all purple
00:00:45There were people running everywhere
00:00:49And this is the bar of the whole song
00:00:52Prince A
00:00:53Trying to run from my destruction
00:00:56You know I didn't even care
00:01:02Good people of Atlanta
00:01:04We must never forget
00:01:06That Anthony Bourdain
00:01:10Killed himself
00:01:16Anthony Bourdain had the greatest job
00:01:18The show business ever produced
00:01:20This nigga flew around the world
00:01:23And ate delicious meals with outstanding people
00:01:29That man with that job
00:01:32Hung himself in a luxury suite in France
00:01:37They say 2000 party over oops out of time
00:01:46So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999
00:01:53I knew a nigga in high school that was an urban genius
00:01:58This motherfucker's grades were so good
00:02:00He got all the way from the hood
00:02:02To an ivy league school
00:02:04With a full scholarship
00:02:06From there
00:02:07The motherfucker got himself
00:02:09Into one of the best law schools in the country
00:02:11And when he was in law school
00:02:13He met a woman
00:02:15And they fell in love
00:02:16And they were gonna get married
00:02:18I remember him telling me about it
00:02:20He was home for Christmas
00:02:20And I told him
00:02:21I said my man
00:02:22My man
00:02:24Save that bitch for later in your life
00:02:35But he's in love
00:02:37He didn't listen to me
00:02:39He married her
00:02:40While he was in law school
00:02:42And sadly
00:02:43They got divorced
00:02:44While he was in law school
00:02:48He was a street nigga
00:02:49From the hood
00:02:50This man had nothing
00:02:52And that bitch took half of that
00:02:58And then I just never saw him again for years
00:03:01And then two years ago
00:03:02I was home in D.C.
00:03:03Doing some shopping
00:03:04Trying to buy my sons
00:03:05Some socks at Foot Locker
00:03:07I go to Foot Locker
00:03:08Guess who's the manager
00:03:09That nigga
00:03:12Dressed like a referee
00:03:13The whole shit
00:03:16This motherfucker is 45 years old
00:03:22We went out drinking that night
00:03:23Just trying to catch up
00:03:25And he told me
00:03:27He said he's been living with his mother
00:03:28For like 10 years
00:03:29Just trying to get back on his feet
00:03:31But that's not the point of the story
00:03:33The point of the story is
00:03:35Never occurred to this nigga
00:03:37To kill himself
00:03:40He's alive and well in D.C.
00:03:50I even suggested to him
00:03:52That he should try it out
00:03:52Like I don't know
00:03:53He might do it
00:04:02Nobody's life is perfect
00:04:03No matter what it looks like
00:04:04From the outside
00:04:05You don't know
00:04:06What the fuck's going on inside
00:04:08I have a great life
00:04:09But it's not a perfect life
00:04:11But it's good
00:04:11My shit's like
00:04:13An above ground pool
00:04:14You ever seen one of them
00:04:20It's a pool
00:04:29So in that spirit tonight
00:04:30I thought I'd start my show
00:04:31A little differently
00:04:32Tonight I'm going to do something
00:04:33That I'm not particularly good at
00:04:35But that I like to do
00:04:36Tonight I'm going to try
00:04:37Some impressions out
00:04:46I only got two
00:04:50Alright the first impression
00:04:51Is kind of dumb
00:04:52But I like it
00:04:53This is my impression
00:04:54You ready
00:04:54This is my impression
00:04:56Of the founding fathers of America
00:05:00When the constitution
00:05:01Was being written
00:05:03You ready
00:05:05Here it goes
00:05:08Hurry up and finish that constitution
00:05:10Nigga
00:05:10I'm trying to get some sleep
00:05:17It's not bad right
00:05:22Alright
00:05:23The next one
00:05:29The next one's a little harder
00:05:32I want to see
00:05:32If you can guess
00:05:33Who it is
00:05:34I'm doing an impression of
00:05:35Alright
00:05:36Let me get into character
00:05:37You got to guess
00:05:37Who it is though
00:05:39Okay here it goes
00:05:41Duh
00:05:41Hey
00:05:42Duh
00:05:43If you do anything wrong
00:05:44In your life
00:05:45Duh
00:05:46And I find out about it
00:05:47I'm going to try
00:05:48To take everything away from you
00:05:49And I don't care
00:05:50When I find out
00:05:51It could be today
00:05:51Tomorrow
00:05:5215, 20 years from now
00:05:54If I find out
00:05:55You're fucking
00:05:55Duh
00:05:56Finished
00:05:59Who's that
00:06:01That's you
00:06:05That's what the audience
00:06:06Sounds like to me
00:06:12That's why I don't be coming out
00:06:13Doing comedy all the time
00:06:15Because y'all niggas
00:06:16Is the worst motherfuckers
00:06:17I've ever tried to entertain
00:06:18In my fucking life
00:06:27God damn sick of it
00:06:28This is the worst time
00:06:29Ever to be a celebrity
00:06:30You're going to be finished
00:06:31Everyone's doomed
00:06:33Michael Jackson
00:06:34Has been dead for 10 years
00:06:36And this nigga has
00:06:38Two new cases
00:06:46And if you haven't watched
00:06:47That documentary
00:06:48Then I'm begging you
00:06:50Don't watch it
00:06:53It's fucking gross
00:06:55I felt like
00:06:57HBO was
00:06:58Sticking baby dicks
00:06:59In my ears
00:07:00For four hours straight
00:07:03Really nasty shit
00:07:04I don't want to know
00:07:06All these things
00:07:09Turns out
00:07:10Michael Jackson
00:07:12Allegedly
00:07:13Likes a long
00:07:14Gander at the anus
00:07:18So they said
00:07:19He stares at people's
00:07:20Buttholes
00:07:20That's what they said
00:07:21That's how gross
00:07:22The documentary was
00:07:34I'm going to say
00:07:34Something that I'm not
00:07:35Allowed to say
00:07:38But I got to be real
00:07:41I don't believe
00:07:42These motherfuckers
00:07:44I do not
00:07:45Believe it
00:07:49But
00:07:51Let me qualify
00:07:52The statement
00:07:53I am what's known
00:07:54On the streets
00:07:55As a victim blamer
00:07:59You know what I mean
00:08:00If somebody come up to me
00:08:01Like Dave
00:08:02Dave
00:08:02Chris Brown just
00:08:03Beat up Rihanna
00:08:04I'll be like
00:08:05Well what did she do
00:08:13Dang
00:08:14Michael Jackson
00:08:15Was molesting their children
00:08:16Well what were those
00:08:17Kids wearing at the time
00:08:26I don't think he did it
00:08:29But you know what
00:08:30Even if he did do it
00:08:33You know what I mean
00:08:38You know what I mean
00:08:42I mean it's Michael Jackson
00:08:47I know more than half
00:08:48The people in this room
00:08:49Have been molested
00:08:51In their lives
00:08:53But it wasn't
00:08:54No goddamn
00:08:54Michael Jackson
00:08:55Was it
00:09:00This kid got his dick
00:09:01Sucked by the king of pop
00:09:04All we get is
00:09:05Awkward thanksgivings
00:09:07For the rest of our lives
00:09:14You know how good
00:09:16It must have felt
00:09:16To go to school
00:09:17The next day
00:09:17After that shit
00:09:19Hey Billy
00:09:20How was the weekend
00:09:20How was my weekend
00:09:24Michael Jackson
00:09:25Sucks my dick
00:09:30And that was my
00:09:30First sexual experience
00:09:32If I'm starting here
00:09:33Then sky's the limit
00:09:45I know it seems harsh
00:09:46But man
00:09:47Somebody's got to teach
00:09:48These kids
00:09:49There's no such thing
00:09:51As a free trip to Hawaii
00:09:55Today's gonna wanna look
00:09:56At your butthole
00:09:57Or something
00:10:07You know why I don't believe it
00:10:08You know why I don't believe it
00:10:10Because if Michael Jackson's out here
00:10:12Doing all this molesting
00:10:13Then why not
00:10:14Macaulay Culkin
00:10:15Hmm
00:10:17Macaulay Culkin
00:10:18Said in an interview
00:10:18That Michael Jackson
00:10:20Never did anything
00:10:21Inappropriate with him
00:10:22Or even around him
00:10:24Think about that shit
00:10:27You know
00:10:29I'm not a pedophile
00:10:35But if I was
00:10:40Macaulay Culkin's
00:10:41The first kid
00:10:41I'm fucking
00:10:42I'll tell you that
00:10:42Right now
00:10:49I'd be a goddamn hero
00:10:50Hey that guy over there
00:10:51Fucked the kid
00:10:52From Home Alone
00:10:53And you know how hard
00:10:54He is to catch
00:11:06My mind's telling me no
00:11:16Okay
00:11:17R. Kelly is different
00:11:18I mean you know
00:11:22If I'm a betting man
00:11:23I'm gonna put my money on
00:11:24He probably did that shit
00:11:28I'm pretty sure
00:11:29He did that shit
00:11:32You know it was bad
00:11:33Okay so a couple years ago
00:11:34I was doing a show in Detroit
00:11:36And I'm sitting backstage
00:11:38In my dressing room
00:11:39A friend of mine comes by
00:11:40This chick Dream Hampton
00:11:41Dream tells me
00:11:43Right before I'm going on stage
00:11:44She goes
00:11:45Dave I'm working on a documentary
00:11:46About R. Kelly
00:11:48Would you like to be in it
00:11:49And I was like
00:11:50Nah bitch I'm cool
00:11:58I went on stage
00:11:59I just forgot about the shit
00:12:00And then two years later
00:12:01The documentary comes out
00:12:02Surviving R. Kelly
00:12:04And when it comes out
00:12:06Dream's promoting the shit
00:12:07And she keeps bringing me up
00:12:08She said
00:12:09I asked Dave Chappelle
00:12:10To be in my documentary
00:12:11And he said
00:12:13It was too hot for TV
00:12:15Bitch I did not say that
00:12:19It does not even sound like
00:12:21How I talk
00:12:21Oh that's too hot for TV
00:12:23I'm going to never say that shit
00:12:32But I'm going to tell you guys
00:12:33Why I wasn't in the documentary
00:12:35It was a very simple reason
00:12:37And I cannot stress this point enough
00:12:41The only reason that I didn't do it
00:12:44Was because
00:12:45And it's very important
00:12:48I
00:12:49Don't know this nigga at all
00:12:55I don't know anything
00:12:57I don't know anything
00:12:58That they don't tell me about
00:12:59I don't hang out with this nigga
00:13:00Nothing
00:13:02So what the fuck
00:13:03Do I got to be in the documentary for
00:13:09This guy R. Kelly
00:13:10Got another sex tape out now
00:13:12Can't believe that shit
00:13:13This guy makes more sex tapes
00:13:15Than he does music
00:13:17He's like the DJ Khaled
00:13:19Of sex tapes
00:13:21Another one
00:13:21Like damn
00:13:26That's a lot of tapes
00:13:30The new one's so bad
00:13:31That they didn't even show it
00:13:33I've never seen anything like this
00:13:35The prosecutor in Chicago
00:13:36Came out
00:13:37In a press conference
00:13:39And read to the media
00:13:41A transcript
00:13:42Of a sex tape
00:13:43Have you ever heard of such a thing
00:13:45This nigga read
00:13:46The sex tape
00:13:48And it was so bad
00:13:50That R. Kelly
00:13:52Sounded guilty
00:13:53In the transcripts
00:13:56It was fucking amazing
00:13:5916 times
00:14:00The girl's age
00:14:01Was mentioned
00:14:01Isn't that crazy
00:14:02This motherfucker
00:14:03Is an idiot
00:14:03He was fucking
00:14:04I'm like
00:14:04Yeah this is the best
00:14:0514 year old pussy
00:14:06I've ever had
00:14:07In my life
00:14:08And she was like
00:14:09You like this 14 year old pussy
00:14:10He's like
00:14:10Oh yeah
00:14:11I love this 14 year old pussy
00:14:12I'm like
00:14:12Man you need to
00:14:13Shut the fuck up
00:14:15You gotta give your lawyer
00:14:16Something to work with
00:14:19You supposed to be
00:14:20On the tape
00:14:20Like this is the best
00:14:2236 year old pussy
00:14:24I've ever had
00:14:24In my life
00:14:27And then your lawyer
00:14:28Gonna be like
00:14:28Your honor
00:14:28Clearly my client
00:14:29Thought that this woman
00:14:30Was 36
00:14:31As he mentioned
00:14:32Some 16 times
00:14:33In the tape
00:14:37They gonna know
00:14:38You lying though
00:14:39You know what I mean
00:14:39Everybody knows
00:14:41No such thing
00:14:42As good
00:14:4336 year old pussy
00:14:59Doesn't matter
00:15:00What I say
00:15:01And if you were at home
00:15:02Watching this shit
00:15:03On Netflix
00:15:03Remember bitch
00:15:04You clicked on my face
00:15:21Celebrity hunting season
00:15:22Doesn't matter
00:15:23What I say
00:15:24They gonna get
00:15:24Everybody eventually
00:15:25Like look
00:15:26I don't think
00:15:27I did anything wrong
00:15:27But
00:15:28But we'll see
00:15:35They even got
00:15:36Poor Kevin Hart
00:15:37Can you imagine
00:15:38Such a thing
00:15:39Kevin Hart
00:15:39Let me tell you something
00:15:40It was
00:15:41It was Kevin Hart's
00:15:42Dream
00:15:43To host the Oscars
00:15:46That's what he told me
00:15:47And I remember
00:15:48When he told me
00:15:49Because I was thinking
00:15:49To myself
00:15:50That's an awfully
00:15:51Strange dream
00:15:52For an African American
00:15:57Kind of nigga
00:15:58Dreams of hosting
00:15:59The Oscars
00:16:01Kevin did
00:16:02That's who
00:16:02And
00:16:03He did it
00:16:04Against all the odds
00:16:06Kevin became
00:16:07The most famous comedian
00:16:08This world has ever seen
00:16:09And he got the job
00:16:11That only one black man
00:16:12Performer had
00:16:13He was gonna host
00:16:14The 80th Oscars
00:16:16And I don't know
00:16:16What you know about Kevin
00:16:17But I know
00:16:18Kevin Hart
00:16:19Is damn near perfect
00:16:21As close to perfect
00:16:22As anybody
00:16:22I've ever seen
00:16:24In fact
00:16:25Kevin
00:16:26Is precisely
00:16:27Four tweets
00:16:29Shy of being perfect
00:16:35Ten years ago
00:16:36Kevin had made
00:16:37Some very homophobic
00:16:39Comments
00:16:40And
00:16:41I'm not gonna repeat
00:16:42What he said
00:16:44Because this is Atlanta
00:16:54You know what I mean
00:16:57I'm sure there's a lot
00:16:59Of gay men here tonight
00:17:00With their wives
00:17:14Far be it from me
00:17:15To offend anybody
00:17:18All right
00:17:19I'll tell you
00:17:19What he said
00:17:21But just remember
00:17:23These were not my words
00:17:24These were Kevin's words
00:17:26It was a long time ago
00:17:28And I'm paraphrasing
00:17:30Because I'm not good
00:17:30At telling other people's jokes
00:17:32Okay
00:17:33Kevin said
00:17:37That if his little son
00:17:38Was demonstrating
00:17:39Or exhibiting
00:17:42Homosexual behavior
00:17:43Around the house
00:17:43That he'd chastise him
00:17:44He'd say
00:17:45Hey that's gay
00:17:46And then he said
00:17:47He would smash
00:17:48A dollhouse
00:17:49Over that child's head
00:17:52Ooh
00:17:53The gay community
00:17:54Was furious
00:17:56And I don't blame them
00:17:59I got a lot of gay friends
00:18:01And all of them
00:18:02100% of them
00:18:03All have told me
00:18:04Fucking horror stories
00:18:05About the shit
00:18:05They had to go through
00:18:06Just to be themselves
00:18:08Crazy crazy stories
00:18:10And in all those stories
00:18:11I gotta say
00:18:11Not one of them
00:18:12Has ever mentioned
00:18:13Anything like
00:18:15Their father
00:18:17Smashing a fucking dollhouse
00:18:19Over their head
00:18:22Because clearly
00:18:23Kevin was joking
00:18:24Think about it
00:18:26You would have to
00:18:26Buy this nigga a dollhouse
00:18:28To break it over his head
00:18:29In the first place
00:18:29Does that sound right?
00:18:31Is anybody gonna do that?
00:18:37The gay community
00:18:38Was upset
00:18:38And then
00:18:39They put so much pressure
00:18:40On the academy
00:18:41Of motion pictures
00:18:41And sciences
00:18:42That they went to Kevin
00:18:43And said
00:18:43If you don't apologize
00:18:45To that community
00:18:46Then you cannot host
00:18:47These Oscars
00:18:48And then Kevin said
00:18:49Fuck it
00:18:50I quit
00:18:59And then he went on
00:19:00Every talk show
00:19:01In America
00:19:02And apologized
00:19:02For six weeks
00:19:11Kevin fucked up
00:19:14I understand
00:19:14The mistake you made
00:19:15Because I've made
00:19:16The same mistake
00:19:17Early in my career
00:19:17This is many years ago
00:19:1915 years ago
00:19:19This is when I was
00:19:20Doing Chappelle's show
00:19:20There's a
00:19:21Thank you
00:19:22Thank you
00:19:29On network television
00:19:30They have a department
00:19:31That's called
00:19:32Standards and practices
00:19:34This is the department
00:19:35That tells you
00:19:36What you can
00:19:37And cannot say
00:19:38On television
00:19:38And if you're doing
00:19:39Your job well
00:19:40You should never hear
00:19:41From them
00:19:42But if you're making
00:19:42Chappelle's show
00:19:43You'll hear from
00:19:44These motherfuckers
00:19:45All the time
00:19:50And remember
00:19:50This is 15 years ago
00:19:52I made a mistake
00:19:53I didn't even know
00:19:53I had done anything wrong
00:19:54I had written a sketch
00:19:57That had the word
00:20:01Faggot in it
00:20:11So I had to go
00:20:12To standards and practices
00:20:13They called me up
00:20:14I don't know why
00:20:15They're calling me
00:20:15But I like the lady
00:20:16That runs the department
00:20:17She's usually really fair
00:20:18And was one of my
00:20:20Favorite people
00:20:20I've ever worked with
00:20:21So she sits me down
00:20:22We have nice conversation
00:20:23She tells me
00:20:24Oh the sketches are great
00:20:25I go oh fantastic
00:20:26Well then why am I here
00:20:28She said because David
00:20:30There's no way
00:20:32That you can ever
00:20:33Say the word
00:20:35Faggot
00:20:36On
00:20:37Our
00:20:38Network
00:20:40I didn't know
00:20:40I did anything wrong
00:20:41I didn't try to
00:20:42Defend myself
00:20:42I said alright
00:20:43Fuck it
00:20:43I'll take it out
00:20:44Have a good afternoon
00:20:45And as I was leaving
00:20:46It occurred to me
00:20:46Hey
00:20:47Hey Renee
00:20:48Quick question
00:20:51It's just a question
00:20:52Seriously I want to know
00:20:53Why is it
00:20:54Why is it
00:20:54That I can say the word
00:20:57Nigger
00:20:58With impunity
00:21:09But I can't say the word
00:21:11Faggot
00:21:14And she said
00:21:15Because David
00:21:16You
00:21:17Are not
00:21:19Gay
00:21:21I said
00:21:22Well Renee
00:21:26I'm not a nigger either
00:21:44But you see
00:21:45What I didn't realize
00:21:46At the time
00:21:47And what Kevin
00:21:48Had to learn
00:21:48The hard way
00:21:49Is we were breaking
00:21:50An unwritten
00:21:51And unspoken
00:21:52Rule of show business
00:21:53And if I say it
00:21:55You'll know
00:21:55That I'm telling you
00:21:56The truth
00:21:56The rule is
00:21:57That no matter
00:21:58What you do
00:21:59In your artistic expression
00:22:00You are never
00:22:02Ever
00:22:04Allowed
00:22:04To upset
00:22:07The alphabet people
00:22:13You know who I mean
00:22:16Those people
00:22:16That took 20%
00:22:17Of the alphabet
00:22:18For themselves
00:22:23I'd say the letters
00:22:24But I don't want
00:22:25To conjure their anger
00:22:27Ah it's too late now
00:22:29I'm talking about
00:22:30Them L's
00:22:31And them B's
00:22:32And them G's
00:22:32And the T's
00:22:37People be surprised
00:22:38I have friends
00:22:39All kinds of letters
00:22:40Everybody loves me
00:22:41And I love everybody
00:22:42I got friends who are L's
00:22:43I got friends who are B's
00:22:44And I got friends who are G's
00:22:46But the T's
00:22:49Hate my fucking guts
00:22:56And I don't blame them
00:22:57It's not their fault
00:22:58It's mine
00:22:59I can't stop
00:23:00Telling jokes
00:23:02About these things
00:23:04I don't want to write
00:23:05These jokes
00:23:06But I just can't stop
00:23:13You know you hear
00:23:14All those letters
00:23:15Together all the time
00:23:16L-B-G-T
00:23:17L-B-G-T
00:23:18And you think
00:23:19It's just one big movement
00:23:20It's not
00:23:22All those letters
00:23:23Are their own movement
00:23:25They just travel
00:23:26In the same car together
00:23:30And
00:23:32My guess is
00:23:41What is this
00:23:41High school
00:23:42This nigga probably
00:23:43Got a babysitter
00:23:43Or something
00:23:44Go and answer your phone
00:23:44Nigga
00:23:45Get that shit out of here
00:23:46I'm in the middle
00:23:47Of something important
00:23:53Whenever we made fun of him
00:23:55He's like
00:23:55And he went outside
00:23:56Like hello
00:23:56Mama's dead
00:23:58Oh no
00:24:02Mama's dead
00:24:19That was a weird time phone call
00:24:21Wasn't it
00:24:23It's like his phone is gay
00:24:43Like I was saying
00:24:47My guess is
00:24:49The G's are driving that car
00:24:54That makes sense to me
00:24:55Because there's white men in the G's
00:24:58And these people are trying to get around
00:25:01Discrimination and oppression
00:25:02And you know how white dudes are
00:25:03We know these roads
00:25:07In fact we built these roads
00:25:12The rest of you buckle up
00:25:13We'll get you to where you want to go
00:25:17So the G's are just driving the car
00:25:20Of course next to the G's
00:25:22In the passenger seat
00:25:24Is the L's
00:25:26Everybody likes the L's
00:25:29Except for the G's
00:25:35I don't know what that's about
00:25:36I just know the G's
00:25:37Don't like them that much
00:25:40And the G's always say
00:25:41Like little subliminal digs on them
00:25:43It's unnecessary shit
00:25:45It's not mean
00:25:45But you know what I mean
00:25:46They just be like
00:25:47I wouldn't wear that
00:25:53The only thing that breaks the tension
00:25:54Between the L's and the G's
00:25:56Are the B's in the back seat
00:25:59That's right
00:26:00There you go
00:26:01Everybody scream out
00:26:02When you hear your letter
00:26:15If it's one thing
00:26:16That the L's and the G's
00:26:18Agree on
00:26:19Is that the B's
00:26:21Are fucking gross
00:26:25They seem greedy
00:26:26To the L's and the G's
00:26:27You know what I mean
00:26:27They're just sitting in the back seat
00:26:29Like yeah man
00:26:30I'll fuck anybody in this car
00:26:32What's going on now
00:26:42And sitting next to the B's
00:26:44All the way in the back seat
00:26:45By themselves
00:26:46Looking out the window
00:26:50That's the T's
00:26:54Everybody in the car
00:26:56Respects the T's
00:26:57But everyone also
00:27:00Resents the T's
00:27:01It's not the T's fault
00:27:03But everyone in the car
00:27:03Just feels like
00:27:04The T's
00:27:05Are making the trip
00:27:07Take longer
00:27:16Anything the T's
00:27:17Say gets on everybody's nerves
00:27:18And if the T's
00:27:19Don't even say anything bad
00:27:20They should be in the back
00:27:21Talking to themselves
00:27:23I'm hot
00:27:24Shut up
00:27:25Shut the fuck
00:27:26Out
00:27:27Okay
00:27:27Just roll the window down
00:27:29You
00:27:31Bitch
00:27:31I don't know what you
00:27:36What
00:27:38Just said I was hot
00:27:42Can you pull over
00:27:43At the next exit
00:27:43I need to use
00:27:44The restroom
00:27:46There is not
00:27:47A restroom for you
00:27:48For four states
00:27:50Nigga
00:27:50Will you just
00:27:51Shut the fuck up
00:27:52So we can get
00:27:53Where we're going
00:28:05And just when that car
00:28:06Can't get any more tense
00:28:07The Q's
00:28:08Are a hitchhiker
00:28:09That they pick up
00:28:10On the road
00:28:11Some white dude
00:28:12In booty shorts
00:28:12Is walking down the freeway
00:28:23Jeez Sam
00:28:24That guy might be one of us
00:28:27Hey are you okay
00:28:28Need some help
00:28:29And he come over there
00:28:30With them booty shorts
00:28:31Leaning on the window
00:28:33Hey what's going on fellas
00:28:35Lady
00:28:38Whatever pronoun
00:28:38Makes you feel comfortable
00:28:39In the back
00:28:47Yeah
00:28:50I don't really know
00:28:51Where I'm going
00:28:54I don't know
00:28:54If I'm gay
00:28:55Or I'm straight
00:28:56Or whatever
00:28:58All I know for sure
00:28:59Is that
00:29:02I really want
00:29:03To get in this car
00:29:12And they make him
00:29:13Get into sitting
00:29:13Between the B's
00:29:14And the T's
00:29:17I feel bad for T's
00:29:20But they're so confusing
00:29:23And it's not all my fault
00:29:24I feel like they need
00:29:25To take some responsibility
00:29:26For my jokes
00:29:30Because I didn't come up
00:29:31With this idea
00:29:31On my own
00:29:33This idea
00:29:34That a person
00:29:34Can be born
00:29:35In the wrong body
00:29:36But they have to admit
00:29:38That's a fucking
00:29:38Hilarious predicament
00:29:41It's really fucking funny
00:29:44If it happened to me
00:29:45You'd laugh
00:29:46Wouldn't you
00:29:47That wouldn't be funny
00:29:48If it happened to me
00:29:49I think it would be
00:29:50What if
00:29:51What if it did
00:29:52What if I was
00:29:52What if I was Chinese
00:29:54But born in this
00:29:56Nigger body
00:29:56That's not funny
00:30:02And for the rest of my life
00:30:03I had to go around
00:30:04Making that face
00:30:04Hey everybody
00:30:06I'm Chinese
00:30:08And everyone get mad
00:30:10Stop making that face
00:30:11That's offensive
00:30:12What
00:30:13This is how I feel
00:30:15Inside
00:30:30It's hard not to write
00:30:31These jokes
00:30:31It's hard not to think about
00:30:32Even when I watch sports
00:30:34I'll be thinking about
00:30:34Like thinking about
00:30:35Okay
00:30:35Okay
00:30:36Say
00:30:36Say LeBron James
00:30:39Changed his gender
00:30:41You know what I mean
00:30:42Okay
00:30:43Okay
00:30:43Can he stay in the NBA
00:30:45Or
00:30:46Because he's a woman
00:30:48Does he have to go to the WNBA
00:30:51Where he will score
00:30:53840 points a game
00:31:00What does it actually mean
00:31:02To be equal
00:31:03You know what I mean
00:31:05Like women are actually equal to men
00:31:07Then there would be no WNBA
00:31:09Would there
00:31:10He would just be good enough
00:31:12To play in the NBA
00:31:14With us
00:31:15Or
00:31:16Here's another idea
00:31:17That's going to be
00:31:18Very controversial
00:31:19You could
00:31:20Shut the fuck up
00:31:33I'm sorry ladies
00:31:35I just
00:31:35I got a fucking
00:31:36Me too headache
00:31:36Y'all is killing me right now
00:31:39It's really fucking tough
00:31:41To watch what's going on
00:31:42You know ladies
00:31:42I said it in my last special
00:31:44And I got in a lot of trouble
00:31:45For this
00:31:45I told you you were right
00:31:47But
00:31:48The way you're going about it
00:31:49Is not
00:31:50Going to work
00:31:51But I'm biased
00:31:53I said it
00:31:54Louis C.K.
00:31:54Was a very good friend of mine
00:31:56Before he died
00:31:57In that terrible
00:31:58Masturbation accident
00:32:04And it was his room
00:32:06You read the story
00:32:06He was masturbating
00:32:08In his own room
00:32:08That's what he's supposed
00:32:09To masturbate
00:32:10And then he said
00:32:10Hey everybody
00:32:11I'm going to pull my dick out
00:32:12Nobody ran for the door
00:32:13And nothing like that
00:32:14They all just kind of hung out
00:32:15Like I wonder if this guy
00:32:16Is serious
00:32:19And he came on his own stomach
00:32:21There it is
00:32:24What is the threat
00:32:27Have any women ever seen a guy
00:32:28That just came on his own stomach
00:32:30This is the least threatening
00:32:31Motherfucker the earth
00:32:32Has ever seen
00:32:35All you see is shame in their face
00:32:37And
00:32:38Cum dripping down
00:32:39Like pancake butter
00:32:50He didn't do anything
00:32:52That you can call the police for
00:32:53I dare to try
00:32:54Call the police on him
00:32:55Hello police
00:32:56Yes
00:32:56I am
00:32:57I am on the other line
00:32:58With comedian Louis C.K.
00:33:00And I think
00:33:02That he is masturbating
00:33:04While I'm on the phone
00:33:07You know what the police
00:33:07Are going to say in Atlanta
00:33:09Well what are you guys talking about
00:33:14Mmhmm
00:33:15Mmhmm
00:33:22Mmhmm
00:33:23They ruined this nigga's life
00:33:24And now he's coming back
00:33:26Playing comedy clubs
00:33:27And they acting like
00:33:28If he's able to do that
00:33:29That's going to hurt women
00:33:30What the fuck is your agenda ladies
00:33:32Is sexism dead
00:33:34No
00:33:34In fact
00:33:35The opposite happened
00:33:36I said it was going to get worse
00:33:37And they said I was tone deaf
00:33:39But eight states
00:33:40Including your state
00:33:42Have passed the most stringent
00:33:46Anti-abortion laws
00:33:47This nation has seen
00:33:49Since Roe v. Wade
00:33:53I
00:33:53I told you
00:33:55I told you
00:33:56I'll be real with you
00:33:58And I know nobody
00:33:58Gives a fuck
00:33:59What I think
00:34:00Anyway
00:34:00Uh
00:34:02I'm not for abortion
00:34:05Oh shut up nigga
00:34:16I'm not for it
00:34:17But I'm not against it either
00:34:23It all depends
00:34:25On who I get pregnant
00:34:34I don't care
00:34:35I'm going to tell you right now
00:34:36I don't care
00:34:36What your religious beliefs are
00:34:38Or anything
00:34:38If you have a dick
00:34:40You need to shut the fuck up
00:34:42On this one
00:34:43Seriously
00:34:49This is theirs
00:34:52The right to choose
00:34:53Is their unequivocal right
00:34:55Not only do I believe
00:34:56They have the right to choose
00:34:57I believe that
00:34:58They shouldn't have to
00:34:59Consult anybody
00:35:01Except for a physician
00:35:03About how
00:35:04They exercise that right
00:35:06Gentlemen
00:35:07That is fair
00:35:09And ladies
00:35:10To be fair to us
00:35:13I also believe
00:35:14If you decide
00:35:15To have the baby
00:35:17A man should not have to pay
00:35:25That's fair
00:35:26If you can kill this motherfucker
00:35:28I can at least
00:35:29Abandon him
00:35:33It's my money
00:35:34My choice
00:35:40And if I'm wrong
00:35:41Then perhaps
00:35:42We're wrong
00:35:44Figure that shit out
00:35:45For yourselves
00:35:55I mean really
00:35:56What the fuck
00:35:57Are we doing
00:35:59I can't live
00:36:00In this new world
00:36:00You're proposing
00:36:01And meanwhile
00:36:02While we're worrying
00:36:03About all this other shit
00:36:04Look at what's happening
00:36:05They just killed
00:36:06Another 12 people
00:36:07In mass shooting
00:36:08In Virginia beach
00:36:08This shit's happening
00:36:09Every week
00:36:10It happens so much
00:36:11I'm almost
00:36:12I don't care anymore
00:36:14I came home
00:36:15Early from the road
00:36:17I had a $12,000 suit on
00:36:19Cause ice been going good
00:36:23And I got home early
00:36:24And dinner was cooking
00:36:25You ever come home
00:36:26When dinner's cooking
00:36:27Doesn't that smell good
00:36:29And my son saw me
00:36:30And he was like
00:36:31Dad's home
00:36:32And he got up
00:36:33From the table
00:36:33And ran over
00:36:34To give me a hug
00:36:35But he had chicken grease
00:36:36All over his face
00:36:37So I stepped on him
00:36:38Like yo yo yo yo
00:36:39My man my man
00:36:41Watch these threads son
00:36:42This is an expensive suit
00:36:43I don't want you
00:36:44To get the chicken grease
00:36:45All over me
00:36:45And he was like
00:36:47What the
00:36:47Chicken grease
00:36:49Dad this is duck
00:36:57Tear came out of my eyes
00:37:00I never dreamt
00:37:01I'd do so well in life
00:37:02That I'd raise a nigga
00:37:03With duck grease
00:37:04All over his face
00:37:15And we sat down
00:37:16We just talked about everything
00:37:17I was telling my wife
00:37:18About how my shows
00:37:19Were going
00:37:20And I told her
00:37:21My trans jokes
00:37:21And she was like
00:37:22Oh I hate that joke
00:37:23And you know why
00:37:23She hates the joke
00:37:24Cause she's Asian
00:37:27But you know what I mean
00:37:28I don't make that face
00:37:29At the house
00:37:31Unless we're really fighting
00:37:41And me and her
00:37:42Like we weren't arguing
00:37:43But you know what I mean
00:37:43She was just like
00:37:44You need to stop doing that
00:37:45And then I tried
00:37:46To change the subject
00:37:47I go how's school going boys
00:37:48And my sons tell me
00:37:49Well we didn't have school today
00:37:51Technically
00:37:51I'm like what's going on
00:37:53He said
00:37:53Well there was like
00:37:54A school shooting drill
00:37:56I never heard of this
00:37:57You know what this is
00:37:58They have drills
00:37:59That they make kids do
00:38:01Where they practice
00:38:02What to do
00:38:03If somebody comes
00:38:04To shoot up their school
00:38:05I'd never heard that before
00:38:06I was like what the fuck
00:38:08Then I had to tell my sons
00:38:09The truth
00:38:09I didn't want to tell them
00:38:10This shit
00:38:10Son
00:38:13Son listen to me
00:38:15Fuck that drill
00:38:18Somebody comes to your school
00:38:20And wants to shoot it up
00:38:21I'm just going to be honest
00:38:22With you
00:38:25You probably going to get shot
00:38:26Nigga
00:38:26I'm just being real
00:38:29You got a famous dad
00:38:30I talk a lot of shit
00:38:32They're going to be gunning
00:38:33For you little buddy
00:38:36Just stay low
00:38:37And run in a zig zag pattern
00:38:39And don't try to save anybody
00:38:42Son
00:38:42Do you understand me?
00:38:49Why would you have kids
00:38:50Rehearse for some shit
00:38:52They have no control of
00:38:53All you're doing
00:38:53Is training these kids
00:38:54To worry
00:38:55It's the stupidest drill
00:38:56I've ever heard of
00:38:57And
00:38:57While you're in there
00:38:58Training them
00:38:59During these drills
00:39:01Well aren't you
00:39:02Training the shooter too?
00:39:04This nigga's in here
00:39:04Listening and learning
00:39:05Like the other kids
00:39:07Sitting in the back
00:39:10Where are we supposed to meet?
00:39:24If you're a parent
00:39:25If you're a parent
00:39:25This shit is terrifying
00:39:26This shit is real scary
00:39:28All the parents
00:39:29Is looking at each other crazy
00:39:31Because we know
00:39:32As parents
00:39:33That one of us
00:39:34Is raising the shooter
00:39:39Just don't know
00:39:40Which one of us
00:39:41It is
00:39:43All we know for sure
00:39:46Is that if you're a white parent
00:39:48The chances that it's you
00:39:54Exponentially higher
00:39:55Than the rest of us
00:39:58Shooting up school
00:40:00Is a white kids game
00:40:04It's fucking crazy
00:40:05You know
00:40:05I hated school too
00:40:07It never occurred to me
00:40:09Kill everybody in school
00:40:13It's fucking crazy
00:40:16Just do what I did
00:40:17Nigga
00:40:17Try some things
00:40:18Have you skipped school?
00:40:19Nigga
00:40:19Skip school
00:40:22Take a walk
00:40:23And meet some other kids
00:40:24Fuck school
00:40:26Nigga
00:40:26Try drugs
00:40:27Have you tried drugs out?
00:40:28Nigga
00:40:28I'm like
00:40:37Some scary shit
00:40:39I've given this
00:40:40A lot of thought
00:40:41I don't see
00:40:42Any peaceful way
00:40:44To disarm
00:40:45America's whites
00:41:00There's only one thing
00:41:01That's going to save
00:41:01This country from itself
00:41:03Same thing
00:41:04That always saves
00:41:05This country from itself
00:41:07And that is
00:41:07African Americans
00:41:12Right
00:41:14And I know the question
00:41:15That a lot of y'all
00:41:16Have in your minds
00:41:17Is
00:41:18Should we do it?
00:41:22Yeah
00:41:23Fuck yeah
00:41:23We should do it
00:41:24Listen
00:41:24No matter what they say
00:41:26Or how they make you feel
00:41:27Remember
00:41:28This is your country too
00:41:31It is incumbent upon us
00:41:35To save our country
00:41:38And you know what we have to do
00:41:41This is a fucking election year
00:41:42We gotta be serious
00:41:43Every able-bodied African American
00:41:46Must register for a legal firearm
00:42:03That's the only way
00:42:04They'll change the law
00:42:15I hate guns
00:42:17Personally
00:42:18I can't stand them
00:42:21Yeah but I have several
00:42:26I don't want them
00:42:27But I feel like I need them
00:42:28Don't forget where I live
00:42:29I live in Ohio
00:42:30And anyone that knows anything
00:42:32About Ohio
00:42:32Knows that
00:42:33Even the word Ohio
00:42:35Is an old
00:42:36Native American word
00:42:38It means
00:42:39Literally
00:42:40A land
00:42:42Of poor white people
00:42:49And I don't know
00:42:50What's going on down here
00:42:51But in my experience
00:42:53Poor white people love
00:42:56And I mean
00:42:56They fucking love
00:43:00Heroin
00:43:03They can't seem
00:43:04To get enough of it
00:43:05I didn't even know
00:43:06What I was looking at
00:43:07At first
00:43:07I was just driving
00:43:08Like
00:43:08Why are all these white people
00:43:09So sleepy out here
00:43:10These things
00:43:16It's really bad
00:43:19And matter of fact
00:43:19I was coming out
00:43:20Of the nightclub
00:43:21The other night
00:43:21In Dayton
00:43:22And I'd park my car
00:43:23In an alley
00:43:24And no one was out
00:43:25I didn't have no bodyguards
00:43:26Or nothing
00:43:26I was home
00:43:27I figured everything was fine
00:43:28And as soon as
00:43:29I opened my car door
00:43:30All by myself
00:43:31Suddenly
00:43:33One of these
00:43:33Heroin addicted whites
00:43:34Just pops out
00:43:35Of a trash can
00:43:36It scares the shit
00:43:37Out of me
00:43:37I scream
00:43:43And then I realized
00:43:44It was a woman
00:43:45She was fucked up
00:43:46She's like
00:43:46Hey man
00:43:48Hey man
00:43:50Relax okay
00:43:51I'm sick alright
00:43:53I need some drugs man
00:43:55Please
00:43:56I'll suck your dick
00:43:59For five dollars man
00:44:01I was like
00:44:04Two
00:44:23Obviously I'm joking
00:44:26This opioid crisis
00:44:28Is a crisis
00:44:29I see it every day
00:44:30It's as bad as they say
00:44:33It's ruining lives
00:44:34It's destroying families
00:44:36Sadly
00:44:37You know what it reminds me of
00:44:38Seeing it
00:44:39It reminds me of us
00:44:42These white folks
00:44:44Look exactly like us
00:44:45During the crack epidemic
00:44:48You know
00:44:49It's really crazy to see
00:44:51And all this shit
00:44:52They talk about
00:44:53On the news
00:44:53About how divided
00:44:54The nation is
00:44:55I don't believe it
00:44:56I feel like nowadays
00:44:57We're getting
00:44:57A real good look
00:44:59At each other
00:45:01It's why
00:45:02Because I even have
00:45:03Insight
00:45:04Into how the white
00:45:05Community must have
00:45:06Felt
00:45:06Watching the black
00:45:07Community go through
00:45:08The scourge of crack
00:45:11Because I don't care
00:45:12Either
00:45:17Hang in there whites
00:45:20Just say no
00:45:22What's so hard about that
00:45:36Remember when y'all
00:45:37Said that to us
00:45:38But it's okay
00:45:39There's no grudges
00:45:40Now you finally got it right
00:45:42Once it started happening
00:45:43To your kids
00:45:43You realize
00:45:44It's a health crisis
00:45:45These people are sick
00:45:46They are not criminals
00:45:48They are sick
00:45:56Be that as it may
00:45:59I'm armed to the teeth
00:46:05First gun I bought
00:46:06Was a 12 gauge shotgun
00:46:09I didn't want the gun
00:46:10Remember though
00:46:10I'd moved to a farm
00:46:11And I was sitting
00:46:12There on the porch
00:46:13And I see a white dude
00:46:14Walking across my property
00:46:16Entitled
00:46:16Like he's supposed
00:46:17To be there
00:46:18He had a rifle
00:46:18Over his shoulder too
00:46:19Ain't that a bitch
00:46:24I said
00:46:25What the fuck
00:46:25Is this guy doing
00:46:26On my property
00:46:27I was mad as shit
00:46:29But
00:46:30I was unarmed
00:46:32So I ended up
00:46:33Just waving
00:46:34To this motherfucker
00:46:35Like a bitch
00:46:44And I ran to my car
00:46:47And I ran to my car
00:46:48And sped to Kmart
00:46:51This is in a rural white area
00:46:53And remember
00:46:54I was nervous
00:46:55Because a guy
00:46:56Was on my property
00:46:56I'm black
00:46:57And I was sweaty
00:46:58You know what I mean
00:46:59And I ran to the gun counter
00:47:01Black and sweaty
00:47:03Sweating and black
00:47:04And I looked up
00:47:05At the nigga
00:47:05I was like
00:47:06I look like a slave
00:47:07With something
00:47:10I said
00:47:11I need a gun
00:47:12Immediately
00:47:13Like that
00:47:14Just like that
00:47:15The guy didn't answer
00:47:16No questions
00:47:17He just grabbed
00:47:18A 12-gauge shotgun
00:47:19Handed it to me
00:47:20I'd never even
00:47:21Held a gun before
00:47:22I'm not a dummy
00:47:22I'm like
00:47:24Well I need
00:47:24I need some bullets too
00:47:27And the guy
00:47:27Reached on the counter
00:47:28Put two box shells
00:47:29On the counter
00:47:30He said
00:47:31Alright buddy
00:47:31Which box do you want
00:47:33I didn't know
00:47:35One box had
00:47:36Pictures some ducks on it
00:47:39The other box
00:47:40Had a picture
00:47:40Of some deer
00:47:42I said
00:47:42Well what's that box
00:47:44With them ducks
00:47:46He said
00:47:47Oh that there's
00:47:47Bird shot
00:47:50And then he goes
00:47:50Just like this
00:47:51I'm not exaggerating
00:47:51He goes
00:47:53That won't kill a man
00:48:02He said
00:48:03It'll just
00:48:04Pepper him up nicely
00:48:05I said
00:48:05What the fuck
00:48:06Pepper
00:48:11You know what it means
00:48:12To pep a motherfucker
00:48:13Up
00:48:13It means
00:48:15That when the shell
00:48:16Explodes
00:48:17Hot BBs
00:48:18Shoot out of the barrel
00:48:19Of the gun
00:48:20Not killing a motherfucker
00:48:22But penetrating
00:48:23Their skin
00:48:23And shallow flesh
00:48:24Boy that's gotta hurt
00:48:26Hot BBs
00:48:31Remember when Dick Cheney
00:48:33Shot a motherfucker
00:48:34In the face
00:48:34And he lived
00:48:35That was bird shot
00:48:39I said
00:48:40Well what's that box
00:48:40With the deer on it
00:48:41He goes
00:48:42Oh that there's
00:48:43Buckshot
00:48:44That'll put a hole
00:48:45In the goddamn truck
00:48:46If you wanted to
00:48:50So which box
00:48:51Do you want
00:48:51And he picked the one
00:48:52With the deer up
00:48:53And shook it
00:49:00I thought he was
00:49:01Trying to trick me
00:49:02I was like
00:49:02Do you have a box
00:49:04With a picture
00:49:05Of a white dude
00:49:06Trespassing on it
00:49:08Cause
00:49:08It's exactly
00:49:10The strength
00:49:10I'm looking for
00:49:15But I didn't know
00:49:16That if you're
00:49:17Defending your home
00:49:18With a shotgun
00:49:19The formula dictates
00:49:20That you're supposed
00:49:21To buy both boxes
00:49:22This was not a formula
00:49:23That I was familiar with
00:49:24It goes like this
00:49:26The six shots
00:49:27And 12 gauge shotgun
00:49:28So when you load
00:49:29The gun
00:49:29You load it like this
00:49:30First shot
00:49:31Bird shot
00:49:32Next shot
00:49:33Buck shot
00:49:34Bird shot
00:49:35And then after that
00:49:36Guns Jamaican
00:49:38Buck shot
00:49:38Buck shot
00:49:39Buck shot
00:49:45She got a picture
00:49:46Okay
00:49:46Say I'm in bed
00:49:47And I'm sleeping
00:49:49And suddenly my wife
00:49:50Wakes me up
00:49:51David
00:49:52David wake up
00:49:53And I'm like
00:49:54Oh
00:49:55Look who's coming around
00:49:56And I pull my dick
00:49:58Over the top
00:49:59Of my pajamas
00:50:08And she says
00:50:09No
00:50:10I hear something
00:50:11I go
00:50:12Oh this bitch
00:50:13So I get up out of bed
00:50:17Grab the gun
00:50:18And I say
00:50:19Wait here baby
00:50:20I'll go check it out
00:50:21Just lock the door
00:50:21Behind me
00:50:24Oh my god
00:50:25She's right
00:50:25Right there in the kitchen
00:50:27Is heroin addicted white
00:50:29And
00:50:32He's digging through
00:50:33The change job
00:50:34By the door
00:50:35Hmm
00:50:36Hmm
00:50:36I worked really hard
00:50:37For that change
00:50:38I gotta do something
00:50:39So first
00:50:39I wrap the shotgun
00:50:40Hey motherfucker
00:50:41Click clack
00:50:44That's a test
00:50:45That click clack sound
00:50:47Will stop
00:50:48A rational human being
00:50:51In their tracks
00:50:52But sure enough
00:50:54This person is not rational
00:50:55They're sick on drugs
00:50:56They're digging
00:50:57In the change
00:50:57Hmm
00:50:58Hmm
00:50:59I gotta act fast
00:51:00This nigga's almost got a dollar fifty
00:51:05I warned you
00:51:07Birdshide
00:51:08And there it goes
00:51:10Hot
00:51:10BBs
00:51:12Will permeate
00:51:13His yellow heroin skin
00:51:15Remember
00:51:15I'm not killing him
00:51:16I'm just
00:51:17Peppering him up nice
00:51:20He lets out
00:51:21A heroin scream
00:51:31And that should be
00:51:33The end of it
00:51:33But
00:51:34Uh oh
00:51:35I miscalculated
00:51:37While he's on the ground
00:51:38Screaming
00:51:39I noticed that
00:51:40His teeth are horribly
00:51:41Miscolored
00:51:43That's not heroin
00:51:44At all
00:51:44Is it
00:51:45That's crystal meth
00:51:46He pops right back up
00:51:47Unscathed
00:51:48Roar
00:51:54Time for the heavy stuff
00:51:55Clack clack
00:51:56Buckshot
00:52:00And then if he got a friend
00:52:02And then if he got a friend with him
00:52:02I got one more birdshot left
00:52:04And I repeat the cycle
00:52:05After that
00:52:06Niggas
00:52:06Slugs for everybody
00:52:09And I'll be in a kitchen
00:52:10Full of dying heroin addicts
00:52:13Saying stupid heroin last words
00:52:16Oh
00:52:16You shot me bro
00:52:21It hurts man
00:52:23It hurts
00:52:25Their last words
00:52:26Are always the dumbest words
00:52:27Like
00:52:29Why is your dick out?
00:52:44I'm just afraid
00:52:46Of being attacked
00:52:49Happens to the best
00:52:50Don't ever forget
00:52:51What happened
00:52:51To that French actor
00:52:54You know what I'm talking about
00:52:55Juicy Smouye
00:52:57He's a very French
00:52:58Very famous French actor
00:53:08Y'all never heard of Juicy Smouye?
00:53:13Juicy Smouye
00:53:15Is an actor from France
00:53:24And he became famous
00:53:27On a show
00:53:28Called Empire
00:53:33One night
00:53:34He was in Chicago
00:53:36Late at night
00:53:37And was the victim
00:53:48He was the victim
00:53:50Of a racist
00:53:51And homophobic attack
00:53:53You see
00:53:54Juicy Smouye
00:53:55Is
00:53:58Gay
00:53:58And he is black
00:54:00Not just French
00:54:02Oh
00:54:07It was a crazy story
00:54:10Apparently
00:54:12When he was walking
00:54:13Down the street
00:54:13Late at night
00:54:13Two white men
00:54:14Came out of the shadows
00:54:17With MAGA hats on
00:54:18And beat him up
00:54:20Tied a rope around
00:54:21His neck
00:54:21Called him all kinds
00:54:22Of niggas
00:54:23And
00:54:24Put some bleach
00:54:25On him
00:54:26And ran off
00:54:26Into the night
00:54:29This shit was like
00:54:31International news
00:54:32And everybody
00:54:33Was furious
00:54:35Especially in Hollywood
00:54:36It's all over
00:54:37Everybody's Twitter feed
00:54:38And Instagram page
00:54:39Justice for Juicy
00:54:40And all this shit
00:54:45The whole country
00:54:46Was up in arms
00:54:47We was talking about it
00:54:48All the time
00:54:48On the news
00:54:49And
00:54:49And for some reason
00:54:52African Americans
00:54:53We were like
00:54:54Oddly quiet
00:54:59We were so quiet
00:55:00About this shit
00:55:01That the gay community
00:55:03Started accusing
00:55:04African American community
00:55:05Of being homophobic
00:55:07For not supporting him
00:55:08What they didn't understand
00:55:10Is that we were
00:55:11Supporting him
00:55:12With our silence
00:55:15Because we understood
00:55:18That this nigga
00:55:20Was clearly lying
00:55:30None of these details
00:55:32Added up at all
00:55:34He said
00:55:35He's walking down the street
00:55:36In Chicago
00:55:37And white dudes
00:55:39Come up to him
00:55:40And say
00:55:40Hey man
00:55:41Aren't you that
00:55:41Faggot nigger
00:55:42From empire
00:55:44Or fuck
00:55:45Does that sound like
00:55:46How white people talk
00:55:49I know white people
00:55:50They don't talk like that
00:55:51Are you that
00:55:52Faggot nigga
00:55:53From empire
00:55:53They would never say that
00:55:54It sounds like something
00:55:57That I would say
00:56:08If you're racist
00:56:09And homophobic
00:56:10You're not even gonna know
00:56:11Who this nigga is
00:56:11You can't watch empire
00:56:19Black people never feel
00:56:20Sorry for the police
00:56:21But this time
00:56:21We even felt
00:56:22Sorry for the police
00:56:23Can you imagine
00:56:23If you was a police veteran
00:56:25Taking this kid's
00:56:26Police report
00:56:27Okay Mr. Schmoulier
00:56:28Please tell me what happened
00:56:30Alright
00:56:322am
00:56:33You left the house
00:56:342am
00:56:35It was minus 16 degrees
00:56:37Alright
00:56:40You were walking
00:56:41You were walking
00:56:42Alright
00:56:47And where were you going?
00:56:50Subway
00:56:53Sandwiches?
00:57:04That's when the men
00:57:04Approach you?
00:57:05Did you see them?
00:57:06Do you have any
00:57:07Okay
00:57:07What do they have on?
00:57:09MAGA hats
00:57:11MAGA hats on
00:57:12In Chicago
00:57:14Excuse me one second
00:57:15Mr. Schmoulier
00:57:16Frank
00:57:16Come here for a second
00:57:21Find out where Kanye West
00:57:36Was last night
00:57:37Such a fucking
00:57:38Outrageous story
00:57:39He said they put
00:57:40A rope
00:57:41Around his neck
00:57:42Has anyone here
00:57:43Ever been to Chicago?
00:57:44Yeah
00:57:45Alright
00:57:46Alright
00:57:47So you've been there
00:57:48Now tell me
00:57:49How much rope
00:57:50Do you remember seeing?
00:57:53Who the fuck
00:57:54Is carrying rope?
00:57:55Like when did you get
00:57:56Mug nigga
00:57:57In 1850?
00:57:58Who's got rope?
00:58:00Who's got rope?
00:58:05Man that shit was awful
00:58:07So
00:58:08Okay
00:58:09I'm doing a show somewhere
00:58:10And I'm on stage
00:58:11And
00:58:12I was a little drunk
00:58:13You know
00:58:15And I figured
00:58:16Fuck it
00:58:16Let me talk about
00:58:17That nigga a little bit
00:58:18I figured it'd be safe
00:58:19Cause you know
00:58:20Everybody's phones
00:58:20Are locked up
00:58:24And I went in
00:58:25On this kid
00:58:25I was talking
00:58:26All kinds of shit
00:58:27Now I didn't know
00:58:28That there was
00:58:29A journalist
00:58:30In the audience
00:58:32And unfortunately
00:58:33For me
00:58:34That motherfucker
00:58:37Took impeccable notes
00:58:42He told everybody
00:58:44Everything I said
00:58:44He was even
00:58:45Putting the jokes
00:58:46In the headline
00:58:46The headline said
00:58:47Dave Chappelle
00:58:48Says
00:58:49He wants to smash
00:58:50A dollhouse
00:58:51Over Juicy's
00:58:52Muye's head
00:59:03And I thought
00:59:04But sure
00:59:05When I read that headline
00:59:05I said
00:59:06Well that's it for me
00:59:07I'm cancelled
00:59:10Lucky for me
00:59:11That very same day
00:59:13The Chicago police
00:59:14Caught the motherfuckers
00:59:16That actually did it
00:59:17And
00:59:18Hilariously
00:59:19They were both
00:59:20Nigerian
00:59:22Not only were they not white
00:59:24They were very
00:59:25Very black
00:59:26They were Nigerian
00:59:27Which is the funniest
00:59:28The whole story
00:59:30Is funnier now
00:59:30This is
00:59:32Mugger country
00:59:32You forgot
00:59:33Nigga
00:59:38You forgot
00:59:39You forgot
00:59:39Nigga
00:59:47If you're in a group
00:59:48That I made fun of
00:59:50Then just know
00:59:51That I probably
00:59:51Will only make fun of you
00:59:53If I see myself in you
00:59:54I make fun of poor white people
00:59:56Because I was once poor
01:00:00And I know
01:00:01That the only difference
01:00:02Between a poor black person
01:00:03And a poor white person
01:00:05Is that a poor white person
01:00:06Feels like it's not supposed
01:00:08To be happening to them
01:00:16Everything else is the same
01:00:19I know what it's like
01:00:20To have a cold house
01:00:21I wasn't allowed
01:00:22To touch the thermostat
01:00:23Growing up
01:00:23Without asking my father
01:00:25And it would be
01:00:26Fucking freezing in the house
01:00:27I'd be like
01:00:27Dad please
01:00:28Can I please
01:00:29Just turn the heat up
01:00:30To like
01:00:30I don't know
01:00:3132
01:00:32Niggas
01:00:32It's really cold
01:00:38And my dad would say
01:00:39Just put more clothes on
01:00:40David
01:00:41Got all three of my
01:00:43Outfits on
01:00:43Nigga
01:00:44Will you look at me
01:00:44I'm freezing up here
01:00:47And he said
01:00:48Just don't think about
01:00:49How cold you are
01:00:50David
01:00:50And I said this
01:00:51I didn't say it to him
01:00:52But I said it in front of him
01:00:54So he could hear
01:00:55I said
01:00:55I fucking hate being poor
01:00:58And my dad got really upset
01:01:00He didn't scream or holler
01:01:02That wasn't his way
01:01:03He just threw his newspaper
01:01:04On the floor
01:01:05And he said
01:01:05David, David, David
01:01:08You are not poor
01:01:10Poor
01:01:11He said poor
01:01:12Poor is a mentality
01:01:17He said it's a mentality
01:01:19That very few people
01:01:21Ever recover from
01:01:23Don't you forget it son
01:01:24You are broke
01:01:34He said these are just
01:01:35Financial circumstances
01:01:37That I hope to overcome
01:01:38One day very soon
01:01:39And I said
01:01:40Well dad
01:01:41Whatever you want to call this
01:01:43It's wildly uncomfortable
01:01:48There was a big dance
01:01:49Coming up in the middle school
01:01:50I was 12 years old
01:01:51I said dad
01:01:52Can I go to the dance
01:01:53He said of course
01:01:53You can go to the dance
01:01:54I want you to get out
01:01:55And meet some more kids
01:01:56I said great
01:01:56It costs $3 to get in
01:01:59And my dad said
01:02:00Ooh
01:02:03Sorry son
01:02:05I don't have it
01:02:06I was like
01:02:07What the fuck
01:02:08You don't have
01:02:10$3
01:02:12Well then how are we alive dad
01:02:19Wish I found some way
01:02:21Out of this hell
01:02:22I do anything
01:02:23To not be poor
01:02:24I will show Michael Jackson
01:02:26My anus
01:02:26If I get a chance
01:02:28I just got to get out
01:02:29Of this hell
01:02:35Dan said
01:02:35If you want to go to the dance
01:02:36Bad enough
01:02:37I tell you what
01:02:38There's some money
01:02:39In the change jar
01:02:39Get the money from there
01:02:41I was 12 years old
01:02:42That's what I did
01:02:43I showed up to the dance
01:02:44Early
01:02:44There's a long line of kids
01:02:45Waiting behind me
01:02:46While I'm at the door
01:02:47Trying to count out
01:02:48300 pennies
01:02:49To get inside
01:02:50I will never forget this shit
01:02:52As long as I fucking live
01:02:54Oh man
01:02:55You know
01:02:55If you've been poor
01:02:56You know what that feels like
01:02:57You were shamed all the time
01:02:58Feels like it's your fault
01:03:00And all them kids was laughing
01:03:01Ha ha ha
01:03:02Look how poor
01:03:03The age pal is
01:03:04Like when I think back
01:03:06At it
01:03:06That's really the only time
01:03:07In my life
01:03:08That I ever thought
01:03:09To myself
01:03:10I should kill everybody
01:03:12At school
01:03:19Thank you very much
01:03:21Everybody
01:03:21And good night
01:03:26This is why I say
01:03:27That's more damage
01:03:29To young African Americans
01:03:31Than racism
01:03:32In recent years
01:03:33I never got my DNA
01:03:34This is my heritage
01:03:36I'm inheriting
01:03:37Money in power
01:03:38The maker
01:03:39Tell me something
01:03:40You motherfuckers
01:03:41Can't tell me nothing
01:03:42I'd rather die
01:03:43Than to listen to you
01:03:44My DNA
01:03:45Not for imitation
01:03:46Your DNA
01:03:47An abomination
01:03:48This I wear
01:03:48This will you
01:03:49In the matrix
01:03:49Dodging bullets
01:03:50Reaping what you're sewing
01:03:51Stacking up the footage
01:03:52Living on the go
01:03:53And sleeping in the fillers
01:03:54Sipping from a clammy
01:03:55Walking in the building
01:03:56Diamond in the ceiling
01:03:56Marble on the floors
01:03:57Beaches out the window
01:03:58Peaking out the window
01:03:59Baby in the pool
01:04:00Godfather goes
01:04:01Only lord knows
01:04:02I've been going hammer
01:04:03Dodging paparazzi
01:04:04Freaking through the cameras
01:04:05Eat it for a dollar
01:04:06Brock wearing sandals
01:04:07Yoga on a Monday
01:04:08Stretching till the fennel
01:04:08Watching all the snakes
01:04:09Curving all the fakes
01:04:10Phone never owned
01:04:11I don't compensate
01:04:12I don't compromise
01:04:13I just penetrate
01:04:14Sex, money, murder
01:04:15These are the breaks
01:04:16These are the times
01:04:17Level number nine
01:04:18Look up in the sky
01:04:19Tennis on the way
01:04:20Sin is on the way
01:04:20Kinnis on the way
01:04:21Motherfucker
01:04:22I got winners on the way
01:04:23You ain't shit without a buddy
01:04:25On your belt
01:04:25You ain't shit without a ticket
01:04:26On your plate
01:04:27You ain't sick enough
01:04:28To put it on your cell
01:04:29You ain't rich enough
01:04:30To hit the light and skate
01:04:31Tell me when this stretch
01:04:31Is gonna be my fate
01:04:32Gonna be a fate
01:04:33Gonna be a fate
01:04:34Peace to the world
01:04:35Let it rotate
01:04:36Sex, money, murder
01:04:53DNA
01:04:54Mommy
01:04:54Mommy
01:04:56Why does everybody have a bomb?
01:05:02Mommy
01:05:05Why does everybody have a bomb?
01:05:10By the way
01:05:12Van Glorious
01:05:14This is protected
01:05:16By the red
01:05:17The black
01:05:18And the green
01:05:20At the crossroad
01:05:22With the key
01:05:23Sissy
01:05:24P gönder
01:05:25He era
01:05:25Who
01:05:27He weiß
01:05:32He thought
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