- 1 hour ago
From his onstage tackle to the slap heard round the world, Dave Chappelle lets loose in this freewheeling and unfiltered stand-up comedy special.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #jokes #funny #davechappelle #davechappellecomedy #davechappellestandup
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #jokes #funny #davechappelle #davechappellecomedy #davechappellestandup
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01:59My girlfriend was sitting in that row, pregnant, she's now my wife.
02:09The baby that she was carrying, my first child, I smoke weed with that nigga now.
02:25And what I remember most about that night was the pressure.
02:29Before the show, I had to run out there on the avenue and hand out tickets to anybody
02:33who would take them, because I couldn't even fill the fucking room.
02:37And boy, what a difference.
02:38Twenty-four short years mix.
02:49And right before that time, my father had died.
02:53He never lived to see me do it.
02:55And when he died, I was inconsolable.
03:00I thought I'd never smile or laugh again.
03:03And the only thing that got me out of that space was a comedian friend of mine, the late,
03:08great Norm MacDonald.
03:10That's right.
03:12Shout out to Norm.
03:14And what Norm did, which I'll never forget, is he knew that I was the biggest Jim Carrey
03:19fan in the world.
03:20Now, I'm not going to go all into it, but Jim Carrey is talented in a way that you can't
03:23practice or rehearse.
03:25What a God-given talent.
03:26And I was fascinated with him.
03:28And Norm knew that.
03:29And he called me up, and he goes, Dave, he says, I'm doing a movie with Jim Carrey.
03:35Do you want to meet him?
03:37And I said, fuck, yes, I do.
03:39And it was the first time I could remember, since my father died, being excited.
03:44And the movie was called Man on the Moon.
03:48I didn't know any of this.
03:49And in this movie, Jim Carrey was playing another comedian I admired, the late, great Andy
03:53Kaufman.
03:55Yes, and Jim Carrey was so immersed in that role, that from the moment he woke up to the
04:01time he went to bed at night, he would live his life as Andy Kaufman.
04:06I didn't know that.
04:07When they said, cut, this nigga was still Andy Kaufman.
04:13So much so that everybody on the crew called him Andy.
04:17I didn't know any of that.
04:18I just went there to meet him, and when he walked into the room where we were supposed
04:21to meet, I screamed, Jim Carrey, and everyone said, no.
04:28Call him Andy.
04:30And I didn't understand.
04:32And then he came over and he was acting weird.
04:34I didn't know he was acting like Andy Kaufman.
04:35He was just like, hey, how are you doing?
04:37And I was like, hello.
04:42Andy?
04:45Now, in hindsight, how fucking lucky am I that I got to see one of the greatest artists
04:51of my time immersed in one of his most challenging processes ever?
04:54I'm very lucky to have seen that.
04:58But as it was happening, I was very disappointed, because I wanted to meet Jim Carrey, and I
05:09had to pretend this nigga was Andy Kaufman all afternoon.
05:15And he was clearly Jim Carrey.
05:17I could look at him, and I could see he was Jim Carrey.
05:20Anyway, I say all that to say, that's how trans people make me feel.
05:39Here we go.
05:45Now, if you guys came here to this show tonight, thinking that I'm going to make fun of those
05:53people again, you've come to the wrong show.
05:59I'm not fucking with those people anymore.
06:02It wasn't worth the trouble.
06:05I ain't saying shit about trans people.
06:07Maybe three or four times a night, but that is it.
06:14Tired of talking about them.
06:17And you want to know why I'm tired of talking about them?
06:19Because these people acted like I needed them to be funny.
06:24Well, that's ridiculous.
06:26I don't need you.
06:27I got a whole new angle.
06:28You guys will never see this shit coming.
06:31I ain't doing trans jokes no more.
06:33You know what I'm going to do tonight?
06:34Tonight, I'm doing all handicap jokes.
06:40Well, they're not as organized as the gays.
06:43And I love punching down.
06:46There's probably a handicap in the back right now, because that's where they usually make
06:49them sit.
07:00I came here to laugh at transgender people.
07:04I didn't know this nigga was going to make jokes about us.
07:07Come on, y'all.
07:08Let's get the fuck up out of here.
07:19Yeah, it's about time somebody let these handicaps have it.
07:23They done met their match tonight.
07:25Fuck them.
07:27One time, I was on Capitol Hill, and I seen a handicapped congressman.
07:34Madison Cawthorn.
07:35That's his name.
07:42He's a Republican from North Carolina, and he was shocked, because I saw him, and I go,
07:47hello, congressman.
07:48He didn't even know I knew who he was.
07:49Was he turned right?
07:53Then I just walked away.
07:56I wanted him to see me do something he couldn't do.
08:01I skipped.
08:05That nigga was mad.
08:15He's no longer a congressman.
08:18I don't know if you follow politics.
08:20I'm not trying to be funny, but he lost his seat.
08:27He ran a bad race.
08:31Oh, buddy, yes, he did.
08:33And you know what he did wrong?
08:35He was running for congress again, and this motherfucker tried to be controversial.
08:39He was on all them right-wing podcasts, talking all that shit.
08:41He was like, he was like, Washington is worse than Hollywood.
08:46I was at home like, what?
08:49He said, these people are disgusting.
08:51They have orgies, and sex parties, and drug parties.
08:54And I was thinking, this nigga sounds like Juicy Smouye.
09:01He's lying.
09:02Now, I don't doubt that they do this kind of shit in Washington.
09:06But I doubt he's seen it with his own eyes.
09:10Because who the fuck invites a paraplegic to an orgy?
09:15So this nigga can roll around and snitch on everybody.
09:31I said, there's only one reason you're going to invite him to an orgy.
09:34And you know what that is.
09:36Have at it, guys.
09:37I can't feel anything.
09:39Let's get this bill passed for America.
09:41One at a time, fellas.
09:48Ooh, buddy.
09:52Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
09:55You have the handicaps of the new people I punched down on.
09:57To be honest with you, I've been trying to repair my relationship with the transgender
10:03community.
10:03Because I don't want them to think that I don't like them.
10:07And you know how I've been repairing it?
10:09Uh, I wrote a play.
10:11I did.
10:11Because I know that gays love plays.
10:16It's a very sad play, but it's moving.
10:19It's about a black transgender woman whose pronoun is, sadly, nigger.
10:32It's a tearjerker.
10:36At the end of the play, she dies of loneliness because white liberals don't know how to speak
10:40to her.
10:42SAD.
10:47Speaking of nigger, I've also been working on a book, and this is true.
10:52i'm rewriting the american classic huckleberry finn from nigger jim's perspective
11:01it's called the adventures of nigger jim
11:04that's how the book starts huckleberry finn walks up to him and goes so you're nigger jim
11:08and he's like yo i just said jim
11:13what's your name little buddy huckleberry finn is my name what huckleberry that's your real name
11:21god-given you know what just call me nigger jim it's fine
11:31i don't care if you are black or white or whatever if you ever meet a white person
11:36named huckleberry he has less money than you
11:42that is the white trashiest name i've ever heard in my fucking life
11:46if you have a name like huckleberry you're doomed to fail
11:51if i was in court and my lawyer came up and was like i am your attorney huckleberry finn
11:54i'd be like uh-oh i'm going to jail
12:00god forbid i ever go to jail but if i do i hope it's in california
12:07because as soon as the judge sends me i'll be like your honor before you send me i just
12:10went to court to know i identify as a woman
12:16send me to woman's jail
12:22and as soon as i get in there you know what i'm gonna be doing
12:24give me a fruit cocktail bitch before i knock your motherfucking teeth out
12:27i'm a girl just like you bitch
12:31come over here and suck this girl dick i got don't make me explain myself
12:50i'm a girl
12:50you know you know i have a great reputation in show business but but in comedy
13:00i'm i'm what's known as a as a lazy comedian which is crazy because i work all the time but
13:06that's not why they call me lazy they call me lazy because i do shows sometimes
13:1020 000 people be in the crowd and and i'll tell a joke
13:14and they'll all look at me like i'm crazy
13:17but three or four people will laugh really hard
13:21and i'll be on stage like yeah that's good enough
13:31well this next joke is one of those jokes that
13:35it's not you know what i mean i like to tell it but it never does good
13:39but i'm gonna do it you know why it doesn't do good i'm not good at impressions but this is
13:42an
13:43impression you ready okay this is not gonna work all right this is my impression
13:52this is my impression
13:57of the dead people on the titanic
14:06this is my impression of the dead people on the titanic as the submersible was approaching their ship
14:18that's good enough all right here it goes
14:36come join us in our watery grave
14:46oh buddy that's funny to me
14:48listen that is a funny way to die
14:5320 years from now on my 70th birthday i'm gonna take a submersible to see the submersible
15:00hopefully by then it should work
15:05my wife hates that joke you know
15:08do you do you know this uh uh strip club in in in dc called called camelot
15:16is that still open well i know what i'm doing after the show i gotta tell you
15:22the other day my wife uh called me creepy you know i frequent strip clubs i don't want you know
15:27it's something i like to do and uh and my wife said i was creepy because i go to strip
15:32clubs by myself
15:33is that is that creepy i think that's better than going with the fellas that's creepy
15:43to me hey y'all let's all go to the strip club and get our dicks hard together as a
15:47group of friends
15:50drive home in a quiet car and not talk about any of the things we've seen or done
15:56no nigga i go by myself
16:00but my wife doesn't understand why i go to the strip club it has nothing to do with sex you
16:05understand
16:05i need a pinch of sexual energy in the room to relax
16:08but it's more about being out
16:11i like the music
16:14a few naked chicks in there just makes you feel good but i'm not trying to like socialize or meet
16:18anybody you know sometimes i go to the strip club and i bring a book
16:23i do and i sit right by the stage because the reading like is better
16:42one time i went to a strip club and this is this is weird i don't know why the stripper
16:47for some
16:47reason told me her real name i don't know so i left she didn't understand she's like where are you
16:56going i was like good night deborah
17:04god bless her but my wife is mistaken about my life
17:08she told me when she thinks my job is fun
17:11my job is a job
17:14i'm fun
17:18it's too dangerous man
17:21you know all last year
17:23uh i was i was touring
17:26with arguably one of the greatest if not the greatest living comedian
17:30uh chris rock me and him toured all year last year
17:37and right before that tour started
17:40uh chris was involved in what we blacks might even consider a goddamn 9-11
17:50chris got slapped in the face at the oscars
17:53by will smith which was one of the craziest things i'd ever seen in fact
17:58if you watch it live on television like i did when it happened i thought it was fake
18:05i did and i wasn't sure so you know what i did i waited because unlike you i know chris
18:09i waited like 30 40 minutes as long as it would take him to get to another party
18:14and i called him on facetime and he picked up
18:18as soon as he picked up he said he was the only nigga i had to answer the phone for
18:24apparently obama and oprah everybody had called this nigga to see if everything was all right
18:32and i thought it was fake i wasn't i didn't know so i asked when i go i go well
18:36you know
18:37he said what i said well did it hurt
18:41and he said yes nigga it hurt
18:46and then i knew that it was real and then and only then was i offended
18:52and i wasn't just offended that he got slapped that was only half of it
18:55the real offensive part was that after they slapped him this nigga will just
18:58just sat down and enjoyed the rest of his evening it was crazy
19:07the fuck is this
19:11and then all year
19:13we was touring and i couldn't wait to see what what he was going to say in his special about
19:18about this slap and i toured him all year but the night he taped his special chris was one of
19:22these guys he's crafty you never know what he's going to say until he really says it
19:25so i went to see him tape his special he taped it right up the street in baltimore
19:29now you guys are from dc so you know you know about baltimore
19:39we all know that through the years dc has been through some very very tough times
19:46sadly baltimore is still in a very tough time
19:52not everybody in the world really can understand the depth of baltimore
19:56baltimore is so desperate that
20:01tupac and his mother moved from baltimore to oakland for a better life
20:14and chris rock went so hard in the paint and i can't believe he did this he shocked a baltimore
20:21crowd i didn't even know that was possible i started doing comedy around here shocked them
20:25and you know what he said that got him he looked at the crowd he walked i didn't expect him
20:30to say
20:30this he looked at the crowds all black baltimore black
20:38even if you rich and black in baltimore you know them niggas is traumatized about something
20:44and chris shocked them and this is what he said he went to that crowd that crowd
20:47he said i refuse to be a victim and i was backstage looking like nigga watch the tape
21:12i know it's fucked up but i'll tell you the truth you know everything everything
21:17everything's funny everything's funny until it happens to you
21:22three months a mere three months after that terrible attack that chris rock endured
21:29i was on stage at the hollywood bowl and a lunatic
21:36jumped out of the crowd and attacked me now i gotta tell you if it happens to you you don't
21:40even
21:41know what the fuck is happening it was like soul motion i just looked over i don't know this
21:44nigga and i was looking i said oh my god i'm being attacked and this motherfucker was ragged
21:50he jumped at me he was like i'm old but i'm fast i caught this motherfucker's head with
21:59my hand and pulled his hoodie over his ass i can still feel his head in my hand it was
22:08spongy
22:11he had been growing dreadlocks not the beautiful dreads that reciferians grow these were accidental
22:18la homeless dreads this shit had leaves and sticks and bottle caps and shit in it some kind of grease
22:25i was like like this and then i fell down and he knocked me all the way on the ground
22:32and i was like man this is a bad situation i'm like i don't know if i'm gonna die or
22:35what's gonna
22:35happen but in that moment of vulnerability you know what occurred to me that it never occurred
22:40to me before in my life in that moment it occurred to me that bodyguards
22:49should not wear dress shoes to work travis
22:58this nigga travis came out slipping aside on some kind of beautiful loafer and and fell flat on his
23:03back i said oh my god now both of us are down i gotta handle this shit myself so i
23:10popped right back
23:11and then and then the kid that knocked me down he popped that boom and we looked at each other
23:14and
23:14realized same time i was bigger than him and that motherfucker took off running and i started to
23:22chase him and i said ah fuck him i picked the microphone up so i'm gonna finish this show now
23:30that's right
23:37for three months before that i've been making fun of chris rock
23:42chris rock and people would ask me all the time they'd say dave what would you do if you were
23:47chris
23:48rock and will smith slapped you in the face and to this day the answer is the same well i
23:53don't know
23:53what i would have done i've never been in a situation that extreme but i do know now what will
24:00smith
24:01would not have done and that is enjoy the rest of this evening
24:10man listen
24:14we gave that kid a good wall we was whooping his ass not we i mean i was on stage
24:18trying to think
24:19of a joke to tell but they was beating this nigga up right behind me everybody could see it
24:24everybody could see it and i'm sitting up there trying to think of what to say um um um and
24:28i'm and i'm
24:29tongue-tied me of all people can't think of anything to say look at my karma just that moment of
24:34all the
24:34people in the world chris rock walks from backstage walks up to me in front of 20 000 people
24:43grabs the mic out of my hands and looks at the crowd and goes was that will smith
24:53man motherfuckers fell out of their chairs laughing
24:59i was standing there looking stupid
25:02i was fucking furious because i'm thinking in my mind nigga this is my attack
25:09you got attacked three months ago now you have jokes
25:15so i snatched the mic back from chris and tried to get one off but my shit did not go
25:19good at all
25:20i didn't know what to say i was just like it was a trans man and the crowd was like
25:26boo it's la we like trans people boo
25:30i know i felt so bad i felt so bad
25:36but i know why i did it
25:38you'd have to be there to understand but but man when that guy tackled me it was like a
25:44it's like a movie or something you gotta picture this
25:47picture a famous person you like every famous person you could imagine was at that show
25:52it was like the biggest night that hollywood had ever seen
25:57and when that guy tackled me
25:59he cleared the bleachers
26:01i had to watch the tape afterwards to know this happened but but as soon as he tackled me
26:06jamie fox was the first motherfucker that jumped out of the crowd
26:10he was wearing a white cowboy hat like he knew this shit was going to happen to him
26:15never seen this nigga in a cowboy hat before
26:19and jamie started chasing that motherfucker around like any given sunday
26:23and that kid was fast as shit was juking and shaking and it broke jamie's ankles and he just kept
26:29running
26:30and then john stewart from the daily show ran from backstage and jumped at this motherfucker
26:34like super jew he was like
26:40and the kid seen john coming so he jumped back and john went flying that way
26:44and this kid was fast and then he turned around he sees the emergency exit
26:48he starts running for the emergency exit
26:50just before he got to the door
26:53motherfucking puff daddy from bad boy records jumped in front of the door
26:57and that nigga was like
26:58uh-uh uh-uh
27:04boy
27:07puppy got that motherfucker
27:09and then every celebrity just ran out because every celebrity saw themselves in me
27:13and they just started beating the fuck out of that kid
27:16and i know chris was backstage looking like
27:19nobody helped me
27:26everybody hates chris
27:42look it was way more intense than what you guys might have read i don't know what you read but
27:49the kid while we was beating on him reaching his waistband pulled out 22 caliber pistol that shit was mayhem
27:56everybody started screaming oh my god
27:58oh my god he's got a gun
28:00he's got a gun
28:01and then i got scared
28:02i was in the back but i was scared
28:04because i knew that everybody that was with me was armed
28:08yes
28:08if they had shot and killed this kid on stage at the hollywood bowl
28:13like i pay you to do travis
28:24but travis
28:25geed up travis wrestled the gun out of the kid's hand
28:27and then he took it like this
28:29and tried to chamber the round and he couldn't
28:31so he pulled the trigger
28:32and it wasn't a gun
28:34a knife blade
28:35popped out of the front
28:36i guess this kid was gonna stab me
28:38some scary shit
28:39so the next night
28:41even though i didn't have a show
28:42i said i gotta get right back on stage and i went and did a show
28:46and someone in the audience screamed out
28:48dave
28:49what happened with the attack
28:52and i didn't know
28:52there was a journalist in the room
28:56all i said
28:57was that this nigga had
28:59a knife that identified as a gun
29:05i got six more weeks of bad press for that joke
29:08i didn't even do nothing to this nigga
29:10that was not right
29:10that was not right
29:16and then the new york post went to the jail
29:18and interviewed my attacker like he was some kind of hero
29:22and i read that interview
29:23it turns out the entire attack was my fault
29:28yes
29:28i triggered him
29:29i didn't mean to
29:32i had done jokes about the homeless
29:34it turns out
29:37this young man was homeless
29:38i mean there's no way i could have known this
29:40but i will say
29:44for a homeless guy
29:46this nigga had incredible seats
29:57oh
29:58and they said i triggered him
29:59because i had done lbgtq jokes
30:02and it turns out this fella was a bee
30:09that was the headline of the article
30:10that said dave chapelle's alleged attacker is bisexual
30:14i said alleged attacker
30:18this motherfucker definitely attacked me
30:20i'll show you the tape
30:22he's allegedly bisexual
30:26i'm gonna need to see him suck somebody's dick
30:28before i believe the rest of this article
30:34i read that shit in the paper
30:35i was horrified
30:36i was like bisexual
30:37i could have been raped
30:48no no no you know what though
30:50it's not funny because
30:54because after all that madness ensued
30:58i went to the hotel room
31:01i was by myself
31:02and i opened the door
31:02and my wife was in there alone
31:04she was sobbing
31:06like sobbing
31:07i said oh my god
31:08what's wrong with you bitches
31:09you get attacked too
31:16and she's crying
31:18and she said
31:18she said
31:19oh my god david
31:21she said
31:22if you had died tonight
31:27me and the kids would have nothing
31:37then i knew it was serious
31:39so i sat down on the bed next to her
31:41and i reached in my pocket
31:43i pulled some keys out
31:44that she'd never seen before
31:45she said
31:48what are those keys
31:49and i gently placed them in her hands
31:52i said sweetheart
31:55those are the keys to my safe deposit box
31:59god forbid anything ever happen to me
32:02but if it does
32:03don't even worry about it
32:05you and the kids
32:06have everything you need in that box
32:08i've already taken care of it
32:11and she was looking at them keys
32:13and i could see her mind realize
32:15what we were actually talking about
32:18and then she just started crying harder
32:21and to be honest with you
32:22that made me cry a little bit too
32:25and we hugged each other real tight
32:33do you know this bitch look in the box
32:36while i'm alive and well
32:41who does that
32:44oh my god
32:46and then she was mad at me
32:47she said god damn it david i opened that box
32:49i said you did
32:52she said yes i did
32:53and there was nothing in there
33:00i said nothing
33:03oh
33:05she said nothing except your stupid joke book
33:08i said
33:09i said well sweetie look
33:14if you tell those jokes exactly how they're written
33:16you and the kids should be fine
33:19they're really good jokes
33:29she's like good jokes what is this shit
33:31come join me my watery grave
33:33no you gotta roll your throat
33:47oh boy
33:49oh boy
33:52i haven't married a long time
33:55i have been you know
33:56i talk a lot of shit about my wife
33:58but i love her very much
33:59in fact you know you guys wouldn't believe this about me
34:02i'm a jealous husband
34:06it's true
34:07yeah let me tell you something
34:08one time i thought my wife was cheating on me
34:11yes nigga yes
34:15that was one of the worst days of my fucking life
34:18i couldn't take it
34:19and i'm embarrassed about it now
34:21but i can talk about it
34:23you know what i did
34:24this fucked up but i did do this
34:26i waited
34:28i waited for her to fall asleep
34:31and when i waited a long time
34:34she's asian i couldn't tell if she was asleep or not
34:36i was looking
34:50and when i was sure she was asleep
34:51you know what i did
34:53i stole the iphone
34:55took it downstairs
34:56and started trying out passwords
34:58to see if i could open it
34:59i couldn't figure out the password
35:00then i remembered
35:01it's an iphone
35:02this shit has facial recognition
35:04i was just like oh
35:09and that shit opened right up
35:23and i saw a text message in there from a fellow named earl
35:26i don't know anybody named earl
35:28i woke her up out of her sleep
35:30i said wake the fuck up
35:32who the fuck is earl
35:33and she said david what are you talking about
35:35oh don't you play dumb with me bitch
35:36i done opened your phone
35:37who is earl
35:39and she said oh my god
35:41david
35:43that's gay earl from the hair salon
35:45i said word
35:46what am i a dummy
35:47how am i supposed to know this nigga is gay
35:50and she was calm
35:51she said
35:52read his text
35:53and look at his pictures
35:55i started reading the text
35:58hmm
36:00this fella
36:01should have spelled girl
36:02with a u a lot
36:07and i switched over
36:08and looked at his pictures
36:09and
36:10i couldn't believe it
36:11this fella looked gay
36:12and still pictures
36:13his mouth was open
36:14in every shot
36:20and then i knew
36:21she was telling the truth
36:23and then i felt
36:24like dumb
36:25i said i'm sorry
36:27i'm sorry
36:27i'm sorry
36:28okay i'm sorry
36:29here take your phone
36:30i'm sorry
36:31just go back to sleep
36:32i'm sorry
36:33i guess i've just been insecure
36:35because all this cheating
36:37i've been doing
36:37good night
36:43and she didn't let me leave
36:44she said well since you want to wake a bitch up
36:46and then she pulled my phone
36:47from under her pillow
36:48i said what the fuck
36:51she said who is this bitch in this picture
36:54i said how'd you open that phone
36:55she said it was easy
36:56all i had to do was mash my nose
36:58and go like this
36:58and it opened right up
36:59i said that's the fuck
37:05she said who is this bitch
37:07i said give me that
37:10oh girl relax
37:11that ain't no bitch
37:12this is my friend
37:14deborah
37:20i'ma close tonight
37:21with a long story
37:22do you mind
37:29all right
37:30it's a long one
37:31so pretend that i finished
37:32because i gotta go get a cigarette
37:33all right
37:34i'm not done
37:35but just
37:36just act like it
37:37i would prefer
37:38standing else's for acting
37:39thank you very much
37:40good night
37:40thank you
38:11thanks for not giving me a stand
38:12and oh motherfuckers
38:13this is the worst
38:15it's all right
38:16it's all right
38:17i just wanted to smoke
38:20you like that don't you
38:28okay
38:30before i did kill them softly
38:32when i was 22
38:35hbo gave me the biggest opportunity
38:37of my life
38:37at that time
38:38they gave me a half hour special
38:40but this shit was not like a special
38:42you know what i mean
38:43it was like
38:43it was generic
38:44it didn't even have a title
38:46it was just dave chapelle
38:48and i shot it
38:50in san francisco
38:51at a place called broadway studios
38:54which
38:54is on the second floor of a building
38:57and beneath broadway studios
38:59is a nightclub
39:01and the special was only supposed to be 30 minutes
39:05and i got ready
39:06i practiced
39:07i did all the shit
39:08i did all the shit i was supposed to do
39:09and the night that i taped
39:1120 minutes into my 30 minute set
39:15i'll never forget this
39:16music
39:17music started blasting
39:19from the nightclub underneath
39:21you could hear it real loud
39:22and it fucked my whole show up
39:24and i was devastated
39:26i was a young man
39:29i really believed in what i was doing
39:31and i thought that my dream had been killed
39:35so when i got off stage
39:36i ran down the steps
39:37to the alley behind broadway studios
39:39and where the control trucks are parked
39:41and i kicked that motherfucking door open
39:44and i started yelling
39:46at all the producers
39:47i was nobody in show business
39:49just a guy that believed in us
39:51i said man
39:51you fucked everything up
39:53that fucking music
39:54what the fuck were you thinking
39:55and there was a
39:56a guy who was a big time producer
39:58i ain't saying no names
39:59and he stood up
40:00and he said
40:01hey kid
40:02sit the fuck down
40:04he said
40:05we didn't ruin anything
40:06he said
40:07we made a deal
40:08with that nightclub
40:09to not play music
40:10and they didn't honor the deal
40:11and i said
40:12who
40:13didn't honor the deal
40:15and he pointed to a guy
40:17i'll never forget
40:18it was an old white man
40:20sitting in the four tours
40:21by himself
40:24and he said
40:24that guy right there
40:25and i didn't waste no time
40:27or ask no questions
40:28i went to that four tours
40:29and i beat on that window
40:31and i said
40:31open the door
40:32motherfucker
40:32i want to talk to you
40:33and that old man
40:34looked at me for one second
40:35and wisely
40:36drove the fuck off
40:40and left me in the alley
40:41cussing at anybody
40:42who would listen
40:45and two minutes later
40:47literally 120 seconds later
40:49couldn't have been any more than that
40:50the doors of the kitchen
40:52in the alley
40:53of that nightclub
40:54underneath broadway studios
40:56flung open
40:57and that old man
40:58was standing there
40:59that same old man
41:00with reinforcements
41:01he had two big goons with him
41:03and he looked at me
41:04and he was calm as a cucumber
41:06he said
41:06you
41:07come here
41:08i want to talk to you
41:11i didn't know anything
41:12about the streets
41:12at this age
41:14but i found out
41:15later in my life
41:15that these men
41:16were russian mobsters
41:19and i don't know
41:20what you guys know
41:21about the russian mob
41:21but these are the niggas
41:22that killed denzel
41:23in training day
41:30and all the producers
41:31knew what i was up against
41:33they said
41:33dave
41:33do not go in there
41:35and i said
41:36fuck y'all
41:37and i walked right
41:37into that kitchen
41:38and they closed the doors
41:40behind me
41:41and it got dark
41:41as fuck in there
41:42and i knew
41:43i'm not dumb
41:44i knew i was in a bad situation
41:47but you have to understand
41:49i believed in what i was doing
41:50and i didn't give a fuck
41:51just kept cussing
41:53at these motherfuckers
41:54telling them how they ruined my life
41:56and that old man
41:57couldn't believe
41:58that i was talking
41:59all this shit
42:02and as soon as i took a breath
42:04he stopped me
42:04gently
42:05he said
42:05hey kid
42:06listen
42:08your friends lied to you
42:10he said
42:11we made a deal
42:12but your friends
42:14never paid me
42:16and when he said that
42:18i realized
42:19i was
42:19locked in a kitchen
42:25i realized
42:26he was telling the truth
42:27which would make me wrong
42:29and the moment
42:30the very moment
42:32that i realized
42:33i was wrong
42:34for the first time
42:35i was afraid
42:37you see
42:39it's a funny thing
42:40if you believe
42:41you're absolutely right
42:43you can get drunk
42:45off the feeling
42:45of how right you are
42:47that's why gay people
42:48are so mean
43:02but i didn't buckle
43:03you guys would have been
43:04very proud of me
43:05i was scared
43:06but i didn't buckle
43:07i said
43:08well then sir
43:09i owe you an apology
43:11but i believe that
43:12no matter what
43:13reason that music was playing
43:14it ruined my life
43:17and that old man
43:18looked at me
43:19with sympathy
43:20in his eyes
43:22and he walked over to me
43:23and he
43:24he gently placed his hand
43:25on my cheek
43:26which i gotta tell you
43:28it's a very emasculating
43:30thing to do
43:31i was standing there
43:33looking at this nigga's
43:33hand on my cheek
43:41and he said
43:42you are
43:44a real man
43:46and he tapped me
43:47on my cheek
43:49real soft
43:51just like that
43:52the doors opened back up
43:54the light from the alley
43:56flooded into the kitchen
43:57and i just walked out alive
43:59i lived to fight
44:02another day
44:04and in that moment
44:05i learned one of the most
44:07valuable lessons of my life
44:08and i have to share with you
44:10and that lesson is this
44:12in your life
44:14in any given moment
44:16the strongest dream
44:18in that moment
44:19wins that moment
44:21i am a very powerful dreamer
44:26yeah i'm not lying
44:33i dreamed tonight
44:35this very night
44:37as a 14 year old boy
44:39and i am living it
44:40as a 50 year old man
44:42my dreams
44:43are very strong
44:48today i walked all around
44:50washington
44:51i used to be poor
44:52in this city
44:53and all day
44:54people just said
44:55hey dave hey dave
44:56like they knew me
44:58personally
44:58and i felt like
44:59i knew them
45:00and i say to myself
45:02my god dave
45:03what a powerful dream
45:05but then sometimes
45:10sometimes
45:12i feel regular
45:15feel like myself
45:17maybe i'll smoke some weed
45:19and be in some nightclub
45:20and feel shy
45:22but i'll look across
45:24the nightclub
45:24and i'll see some guy
45:25that no one's ever heard of
45:26but this nigga
45:27worked all week
45:28and got bottle service
45:29and this bitch is bringing
45:32moet sparklers to him
45:34i picture in my mind
45:36he's persian
45:37he's doing some kind of
45:37weird persian dance
45:39and he got six bitches
45:41at his table
45:41because he got so much liquor
45:42and they all call him saying
45:43go cena
45:44go cena
45:46and i'll be looking
45:46across the room
45:47like oh my god
45:49i'm in that guy's dream
45:52i can hear him
45:53telling his friends
45:54hey how was the club
45:55last night
45:56man that shit was fantastic
45:57i had bottle service
45:58i seen dave chappelle
45:59across the club
45:59looking at me like
46:00ooh who is that
46:04and that's the trick
46:06to life
46:07you have to be wise enough
46:10to know when you were living
46:12in your dream
46:13and you have to be humble enough
46:15to accept
46:16when you were in someone else's
46:20that's why
46:23that's why i don't judge
46:24between will smith
46:26and chris rock
46:28because you guys look at them
46:30as big ideas
46:31but i look at them
46:32as fellow dreamers
46:34i can't judge between them
46:37because i see myself
46:38in both of them
46:40i am will smith
46:41i am the man
46:43that cannot take it anymore
46:44and will slap the shit
46:46out of the next person
46:47that says a crossword to me
46:49or somebody that i love
46:51and i am chris rock
46:53i am the man
46:54that can get slapped
46:55in front of the whole world
46:57and keep my composure
47:00so i don't fuck anything up
47:03that
47:05is what
47:07men do
47:10men make boundaries
47:11men enforce boundaries
47:14and men
47:15test boundaries
47:16and no man
47:18tests more boundaries
47:19than a trans man
47:34when i see a fellow dreamer
47:36i give them my utmost respect
47:38even if i don't understand
47:40what their dream is
47:41i know a dreamer
47:42when i see one
47:43and i've met many powerful dreamers
47:46in my life
47:47none more powerful
47:50than a man
47:51who calls himself
47:55little nas x
48:00i met this nigga
48:01at a party
48:02i had no idea
48:03who he was
48:04but the minute he walked
48:05in that party
48:06i knew i was in his dream
48:11everybody in the party
48:12was another dreamer
48:13everyone was famous
48:14but when that nigga
48:15walked in
48:15he was dressed like c-3po
48:17he was shining
48:22and everyone was like
48:23oh my god
48:24there he is
48:25i didn't know who he was
48:27and for some reason
48:28out of all them dreamers
48:29he walked right up to me
48:34and he said
48:35i tried to get you
48:36in my video
48:37i don't know what the fuck
48:38he was talking about
48:38i said what
48:39i said what
48:41what video
48:43and he just looked at me like
48:46you know what video
48:47and walked away
48:51and i watched him walk away
48:52i said man
48:53i said
48:55this nigga's having
48:56a very powerful dream
49:03you know what it reminded me of
49:04it reminded me of
49:05when we was in grade school
49:06remember in grade school
49:08the teacher would ask everybody
49:08what they want to be
49:09timmy
49:10timmy
49:11what do you want to be
49:12when you grow up
49:14and timmy acted like
49:15he had an idea
49:15he'd stand up
49:16he'd say
49:16i want to be a fireman
49:18and the teacher would say
49:19timmy that is a beautiful dream
49:23but timmy didn't mean it
49:25timmy said he wanted to be a fireman
49:26because deep down
49:27timmy's attracted to fire
49:32and by the time he's 14 years old
49:34this nigga's a full-blown
49:35pyromaniac
49:36playing with kerosene
49:37and matches like a goddamn expert
49:39and then one night
49:40he goes downtown with his buddies
49:42fucking around with fire
49:43and burns a warehouse down
49:44and he doesn't know it
49:45but there's 13 migrant workers
49:47from el salvador
49:47and that motherfucker
49:48they get trapped
49:49and then they die in the fire
49:50isn't that a tragedy
49:53well it was an accident
49:56he's only 14 years old
49:57but he's black
49:59so they try him as an adult
50:01and timmy ends up spending
50:03the rest of his life
50:04in jail
50:04dream deferred
50:14what about you billy
50:15billy
50:16billy what do you want to be
50:18when you grow up
50:19and billy stands up
50:20and he says
50:20i want to be president
50:22of the united states
50:24and the teacher says
50:25oh my god billy
50:27billy that
50:29is a wonderful dream
50:32and billy means that shit
50:34billy does everything right
50:36that motherfucker
50:37gets his grades up
50:38he joins student government
50:39he even does extracurricular activities
50:41like show choir
50:42just to make his resume look good
50:44he's on track to be president
50:46but junior year he wipes
50:47when he's 16
50:49he gets his girlfriend pregnant
50:51and has to drop out of high school
50:53to make ends meet
50:55but lucky for him
50:56the local walmart siren
51:00by the time he's 20 years old
51:02this motherfucker makes
51:03assistant manager at walmart
51:05he's the youngest one
51:06in the district
51:06he says oh my god
51:07if i can keep this up
51:08for four more years
51:10i could be a manager
51:11and if i can keep this up
51:13for six more years
51:14after that
51:14i could even be a regional manager
51:16and have as many as three walmarts
51:18under my control
51:21and he's a big picture guy
51:22he sees where this path is going
51:25so he kills himself
51:40well what about you
51:42what do you want to be
51:43when you grow up
51:45i don't want to say
51:48because i don't want the other kids
51:49to laugh at me
51:51who cares if they laugh
51:53your dream is yours
51:56own your dreams
51:57so they can come true
51:58say it
51:59loud and proud
52:00what do you want to be
52:01when you grow up
52:03little non-sex
52:07that nigga stood up
52:08in front of the whole class
52:11i want to be the gayest nigga
52:13that ever lived
52:15i want to do a music video
52:17and slide down a stripper pole
52:18all the way to the depths of hell
52:20and suck the devil's dick
52:21at 10 o'clock on BET
52:23while all the kids are awake
52:24and can see me
52:30shockingly
52:30that was the only dream
52:31that worked out
52:43that's why i'm here
52:45tonight
52:46in the city
52:47where i built the dreams
52:49that i live
52:50because i wanted to tell you all
52:52that they came true
52:53and i wanted to thank you all
52:55for making the man
52:57that i am today
53:03yes
53:04i am living
53:05a very powerful dream
53:07every time
53:08i come to this city
53:09and i stand
53:10in front of you
53:11i realize
53:12that my god
53:13man
53:14this is not my dream
53:15at all
53:15it's yours
53:17and i am
53:18honored
53:19to be in it
53:20thank you very much
53:21Washington D.C
53:22i'll see you next time
53:33well you can tell everybody
53:35yeah you can tell everybody
53:38go ahead and tell everybody
53:41i'm the man
53:42i'm the man
53:43i'm the man
53:44i believe every lie
53:46that i ever told
53:47paid for every heart
53:49that i ever stole
53:50i played my cards
53:51and i didn't fold
53:52well it ain't that hard
53:54if you got soul
53:55this is my world
53:58somewhere i heard that
53:59life is a test
54:01i've been through the worst
54:02but i still get my best
54:04god made my mold
54:05different from the rest
54:06then he broke that mold
54:08so i know i'm blessed
54:09this is my world
54:12stand up now
54:13and face the sun
54:15won't have my tail
54:16or turn and run
54:17it's time to do
54:19what must be done
54:20and be a king
54:22when kingdom come
54:23well you can tell everybody
54:25yeah you can tell everybody
54:28go ahead and tell everybody
54:31i'm the man
54:33i'm the man
54:33i'm the man
54:34well you can tell everybody
54:36yeah you can tell everybody
54:40go ahead and tell everybody
54:42i'm the man
54:44i'm the man
54:44i'm the man
54:45yes i am
54:47yes i am
54:47I got all the answers to your questions.
54:54I'll be the teacher.
54:55You could be the lesson.
54:57I'll be the preacher.
54:58You'll be the confession.
55:00I'll be the quick relief to all your stress in.
55:03This is my world.
55:05There's a thin line between love and hate.
55:08Is you really real?
55:10Is you really fake?
55:11I'm a soldier standing on my feet.
55:14No surrender and I will retreat.
55:17This is my world.
55:19Stand up now and face the sun.
55:22Won't hug my tail, I'll turn and run.
55:25It's time to do what must be done.
55:28And be a king when kingdom comes.
55:33Well, you can tell everybody.
55:36Yeah, you can tell everybody.
55:39Go ahead and tell everybody.
55:41I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man.
55:44Well, you can tell everybody.
55:47Yeah, you can tell everybody.
55:50Go ahead and tell everybody.
55:52I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man.
55:55Well, you can tell everybody.
55:58Yeah, you can tell everybody
56:00Go ahead and tell everybody
56:04I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man
56:06Well, you can tell everybody
56:09Yeah, you can tell everybody
56:12Go ahead and tell everybody
56:15I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man
56:17Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am
56:20I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man
56:34This is protected by the red, the black, and the green at the crossroad with the key.
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