Kevin Hart - Let Me Explain [13] - video Dailymotion

Fyah TV Comedy

Filmed at a sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, comedian Kevin Hart delivers material from his 2012 "Let Me Explain" concert tour. #comedy #standupcomedy #standup #jokes #funny #kevinhart #kevinhartcomedy #kevinhartstandup

Transcript

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00:02:39shit together no no dude hey hey i can explain hey wow how you doing is it true you don't

00:02:46fuck with dark-skinned bitches no more huh you ain't even dark-skinned let me explain

00:02:52something to you no no no i don't want to hear it neither do my girl do your girl

00:03:01what are you doing man you got some goddamn nerve

00:03:04your ass over here don't go into yelling at me i can't fucking yell back can you ask for that

00:03:08that's the price of fame without the dumbest i can't deal with you man i need somebody that can

00:03:13talk some sense into your dumb ass harry yo spank that's stupid for you to get

00:03:17listen jackass over here mad because he can't compare to eddie murphy what what was that first

00:03:22quiet first of all i never i never said anything like that dude that's the price of fame what the

00:03:27are you talking i never said let me explain something to you spank what i just said what

00:03:31somebody trying to hear that shit hey yo yo hey nine fucking cav over here getting upset

00:03:37soul plane bomb you asked for this kevin kevin mother who the fuck is this no hold on man

00:03:46listen i'm a fan but only in america what you ain't shit until you perform in paris

00:03:52okay oh lab ass nigga local ass bitch oh yo hey hey hey hey hey man i can't believe this

00:04:11shit man oh you got to be kidding me i can't even enjoy myself for my own mix of mingle

00:04:17party i put this

00:04:19party together. Why can't I enjoy myself? Because I'm dealing with a bunch of people

00:04:24who want to tell me about my life. Why are you going to talk to yourself? You know what?

00:04:28Be a man and confront somebody. Want me to explain myself?

00:04:39This is exactly what I'm going to do. Nate! Nate! Where's Nate at? Y'all see Nate? Nate!

00:04:45Come here. Come here. And I know what I want to do. I want you to call the garden, tell

00:04:51me I'm coming down there to get some shit off my chest right now.

00:04:53Okay, but all this food need? You want an Olive Garden, man? For real? Nate, ain't nobody talking about no

00:04:56goddamn Olive Garden. I'm talking about Madison Square Garden, Nate.

00:04:58Tell them I'm coming down there right now to explain some shit. You can't just call the garden.

00:05:02Goddamn it, Nate. What are you doing? Okay, look, we don't go back and forth. That's not why I pay

00:05:06you.

00:05:06Okay, I pay you to do what I ask you to do. Right now, what I'm asking you to do

00:05:09needs to get done.

00:05:10So do it! Okay, have you not many people in Madison Square Garden?

00:05:12God, Nate, if I... Why am I going back and forth with you? Huh? Is that your job? You don't

00:05:17go back and forth with me.

00:05:18Nate, I'll punch you. I'll double punch your face. And I'll break both of your odds.

00:05:23You serious? You're the boss, Cap.

00:05:24You goddamn right I'm the boss. Let me tell you something about the boss.

00:05:28Sometimes when the boss gets hungry, he turns into an elephant, which means he needs some nuts.

00:05:33And right now, I'm about to get some nuts.

00:05:37Exactly what does that mean, though, Cap?

00:05:38Shut this party down. Right now.

00:05:43Shut the party down. Madison Square Garden.

00:05:46This nigga crazy.

00:05:47I'm about to go to Madison Square Garden and explain. Nate's setting up right now.

00:05:50Don't try to talk me out of it. I'm doing it right now.

00:05:53Don't try to stop me. Don't try to stop me.

00:05:56Hey, Cap, hold on.

00:05:57I'm saying it. Come here, man.

00:05:58Look, I'm trying to stop me. I'm going.

00:06:00Hey, Cap, what you doing?

00:06:04What the fuck you doing, man?

00:06:05You been touching my shit.

00:06:07Shut your ass up, man.

00:06:07Everybody listen up. This party's officially over.

00:06:11Cap is about to go to Madison Square Garden because he wants to explain.

00:06:15Good night.

00:06:15I'm out.

00:06:21He's going to explain.

00:06:32He's going to explain!

00:06:40Oh, shit.

00:06:42Oh, shit, sir.

00:06:45Oh, hell no.

00:06:47Why this motherfucker didn't take the elevator?

00:06:49God damn it.

00:06:51I should have seen the elevator.

00:06:53What you doing?

00:06:54Your goddamn hands off me.

00:06:55But the garden, though? You're going to do the garden?

00:06:57You're damn right I'm going to do the garden.

00:06:58Man, he's crazy.

00:06:59Why shouldn't I?

00:07:00There's going to be 30,000 people at the garden, my name.

00:07:03It's 30,000 goddamn people at the garden?

00:07:05Well, didn't nobody tell me that?

00:07:06I'm out. I'm out. Right now.

00:07:08I'm about to leave you there.

00:07:10To the garden.

00:07:22Relax.

00:07:24Breathe, Kevin. You're fine.

00:07:26You're looking back.

00:07:27I got my eyes on the prize.

00:07:29Every day's a struggle.

00:07:31Every day's a grind.

00:07:32Haters can't stop me.

00:07:33Got too much on...

00:07:34You're ready for this.

00:07:35Okay, it's time.

00:07:36It's time that you explain this shit.

00:07:38Is it true you don't fuck dark-skinned bitches no more?

00:07:42Why would I not like dark-skinned girls?

00:07:44I don't even know where that came from.

00:07:45I'm friends with so many dark-skinned girls.

00:07:48So many.

00:07:49My daughter dark-skinned.

00:07:50Love my daughter.

00:07:51So I guess I don't love my daughter?

00:07:54Poor, I will tell you.

00:07:56His little ass don't even talk to his ex-wife no more.

00:07:58Me and my ex-wife are friends.

00:08:01What are you talking about?

00:08:02The divorce.

00:08:03The Kevin change.

00:08:04Oh, he Hollywood now.

00:08:06Kevin Hollywood now because he got a divorce.

00:08:09Please.

00:08:10We're friends.

00:08:12We're applicable.

00:08:14We're applicable.

00:08:16I hope I said that word right because I don't even know.

00:08:19But we are.

00:08:21That's the best thing about being a comedian.

00:08:23I can address it.

00:08:25I can talk about it my damn self.

00:08:27Hey, look!

00:08:27It's that hysterical comedian Kevin Hart.

00:08:30Yeah, bro.

00:08:33There's really no way to explain that.

00:08:35That's just a...

00:08:37It's a bad day.

00:08:39Oh, lab-ass niggas?

00:08:41Okay.

00:08:42Okay.

00:08:42No, that's a...

00:08:43Local-ass bitch?

00:08:44I'm not going to tolerate that.

00:08:46Not after what I've been through this year.

00:08:48You're not going to call me no lab.

00:08:49No local-ass bitch.

00:08:51You know why?

00:08:52I traveled the world doing comedy, people.

00:08:54I did.

00:08:55You know what?

00:08:56I don't like the fact that I'm telling you this.

00:08:58I would much rather show you.

00:08:59Look for yourself, people.

00:09:27I don't like the fact that I'm telling you this.

00:09:32That's amazing, man.

00:09:34That's amazing.

00:09:36Awesome.

00:09:36Very high, the funniest man alive right now.

00:09:39You ain't got no damage.

00:09:40You ain't got no damage.

00:09:42You ain't got no damage.

00:09:48Thank you for the love.

00:09:52Thank you for the support.

00:09:54Totally love him.

00:09:55Let's keep coming.

00:09:56Amazing.

00:09:57I love that.

00:10:00I love that.

00:10:05I love you.

00:10:06I love you.

00:10:07I love you.

00:10:08So awesome.

00:10:09It was great.

00:10:10We love you.

00:10:11Have you heard?

00:10:12Bye.

00:10:16I love you.

00:10:17I love you.

00:10:18I love you.

00:10:19I love you.

00:10:26I love you.

00:10:55You're about to shit.

00:11:00So how do I say what's up, everybody?

00:11:06Vashid, I'm a salmon.

00:11:09Okay, how many people know who I am?

00:11:12Ask them.

00:11:13Bulmang, give it to them Kevin Hartan.

00:11:18I have never been to Oslo in my life.

00:11:29The first time I come here, you guys welcome me to the Oslo Show.

00:11:34Genuinely, I fucking thank you.

00:11:53I loved him in Oslo, playing definitely his best work.

00:11:56Well, Kevin, you're awesome.

00:11:58It was nice seeing you in Denmark.

00:12:00Yeah, we'll miss you.

00:12:01You definitely need to come back.

00:12:10All right, all right, all right.

00:12:13We love you guys.

00:12:14You and I are going to finish tonight.

00:12:17Let's get to that.

00:12:25Answer Man, thank you for the support.

00:12:35Wanna see if niggas is weird or not?

00:12:37Be on the bus with them for 10 hours.

00:12:40Gonna say a lot of shit.

00:12:40Y'all need to stop with all that this man, this boy, respect and honor your daddy.

00:12:44Call me father.

00:12:46What the hell you thought you'd get?

00:12:47I've been driving for eight hours.

00:12:49You could have been there in one on a goddamn plane.

00:12:52I think it was a smart decision.

00:12:54Man, this is the dumbest shit he ever did.

00:12:56Don't nobody do this.

00:12:57He's still the same dumb motherfucker he was goddamn 20-something years ago.

00:13:01Like a bunch of idiots on a double-decker bus.

00:13:04Either get on a plane for two and a half hours or take a bus for 10 hours and be

00:13:11with your friends.

00:13:12And talk to one another.

00:13:14Some people learn this thing.

00:13:16It's a stitch from hell.

00:13:19It's just a lot of funky ass.

00:13:21It's like gumbo.

00:13:22Ill hygiene ass niggas on this bus.

00:13:24It's fucking disgusting.

00:13:26That's why I stay back here in the quarters.

00:13:28You know, me and my lady, we lay back here in comfort.

00:13:30It's a mistake.

00:13:32It's a mistake.

00:13:33It's a mistake.

00:13:35It's a mistake.

00:13:39Murphy and you guys are amazing.

00:13:41Thank you for the love.

00:13:45The show was hilarious.

00:13:48Oh my god!

00:13:48That was amazing.

00:13:50That was a brilliant show.

00:13:53You gotta see him, you gotta see him.

00:13:56All right, all right, all right!

00:14:00Come back to the UK and smash it again, Kevin.

00:14:03God, you go.

00:14:05All right!

00:14:13Wow!

00:14:14London, this is crazy!

00:14:16I can't believe this, man.

00:14:17I came here sold out.

00:14:19I appreciate you all.

00:14:20I love you all.

00:14:21I really feel like Kevin has grown into the young mogul that he really wants to be.

00:14:28Kevin was a guy that was true to his story.

00:14:34He knew where he came from.

00:14:36He knew where he wanted to go.

00:14:37I've seen where we started.

00:14:39And to see him go from a hole in the wall bar in Atlantic City to performing in front of

00:14:4515,000 people.

00:14:47You know, you gotta take your hat off.

00:14:49When he can go into Norway and Sweden and Denmark and get the reception that he's getting, he's becoming a

00:14:56global brand.

00:14:57Everything he's done, we've pretty much seen on YouTube.

00:14:59YouTube.

00:15:00YouTube.

00:15:01On YouTube, everything.

00:15:02And then I saw it on YouTube and I thought it was hilarious.

00:15:05But I've seen his stuff on YouTube and I loved it, man.

00:15:08I've seen, like, every show on YouTube.

00:15:10I've seen all your shows on YouTube, man.

00:15:12You know, I'm some thousand miles away in other countries and the love that this cat is getting.

00:15:17He's so loyal.

00:15:19Like, he doesn't want anybody to feel like he's not there for him.

00:15:24This is a team.

00:15:25This has been running for four years strong and we all work good together.

00:15:53and in the world.

00:16:02God be that angel in my corner like you always are.

00:16:06Mom, I know you watching over me and I know you proud.

00:16:37I'm

00:16:49Oh

00:17:09I know I'm in Madison Square Garden

00:17:11And this shit sold out

00:17:12Y'all better make some fucking noise

00:17:18I'ma say it again

00:17:19I know I'm in fucking Madison Square Garden

00:17:21And this bitch sold out

00:17:23Y'all better make some fucking noise

00:17:31You see my fire?

00:17:33You see my fire?

00:17:36You gotta be a big deal to have fire people

00:17:39It means I'm a big goddamn deal

00:17:42Let me tell you why I got fire

00:17:44Let me tell you why

00:17:45I went to go see Jay-Z and Kanye perform, right?

00:17:48These niggas had a bunch of fire

00:17:51I was like, yo, this show is the shit

00:17:53Cause they got fire

00:17:56No comedian has ever had fire

00:17:58I'm about to be the first comedian

00:17:59With some fucking fire

00:18:01So

00:18:04Because of that, throughout my show

00:18:05You're gonna see a bunch of pointless fire

00:18:09They're laughing, I'm not playing

00:18:10I'm dead serious

00:18:12You think it's a game?

00:18:13Get fired on these bitches one time

00:18:17It's about to be a bunch of fucking fire

00:18:19This show's gonna be hot

00:18:21Literally

00:18:24A lot of shit to talk about, man

00:18:26I wanna talk about the fact that I'm happy

00:18:28I'm happy right now, people

00:18:33I wanna explain why I'm happy

00:18:36First of all, my divorce is final

00:18:38That's the first reason why

00:18:44Now, here's what I wanna explain about my divorce

00:18:46Everybody assumes that because you went through a divorce

00:18:48You went through a fucked up period of life

00:18:50You hate each other

00:18:51You're enemies

00:18:51It's not true

00:18:52At the end of the day

00:18:53That's the mother of my kids

00:18:55I'm always gonna respect her

00:18:56As the mother of my kids

00:18:58She's happy

00:18:58She's moved on

00:19:00I'm happy

00:19:00I moved on

00:19:02I'm happier than she is though

00:19:04I am

00:19:06No, I am

00:19:07I'm doing a lot of happy shit right now

00:19:08People, you have no idea

00:19:09I took a fucking walk the other day

00:19:11Do you know how happy you gotta be

00:19:12To take a goddamn walk

00:19:14To just go outside

00:19:16And start fucking walking

00:19:17I knew I was happy

00:19:18Because I was talking to myself

00:19:19While I was walking

00:19:20I was like

00:19:21You hungry?

00:19:22I can eat

00:19:23It was just me though

00:19:25Like

00:19:26Nobody else was there

00:19:27I stopped

00:19:28I fed pigeons

00:19:29That's some happy shit

00:19:30You gotta be happy to feed pigeons

00:19:33Here's the beautiful thing

00:19:34About me feeding pigeons

00:19:35When I was done feeding the pigeons

00:19:37I didn't have to lie about it

00:19:39See, when you marry

00:19:40You lie about shit like that

00:19:42Because you don't believe

00:19:43That your wife would ever believe

00:19:44That you were doing something as dumb

00:19:46As feeding some goddamn pigeons

00:19:48There's not a married man

00:19:50In this audience right now

00:19:51That can go out and feed pigeons

00:19:52And his wife call

00:19:53And she say

00:19:54Babe, where you at?

00:19:55And you go

00:19:55I'm feeding pigeons

00:19:56And she believed

00:19:57That she was feeding some fucking pigeons

00:19:59And it never happened

00:20:00It's an argument off the bat

00:20:01Where you at, babe?

00:20:03I'm out here feeding pigeons

00:20:04You ain't feeding no damn pigeons

00:20:06What you talking about?

00:20:07I am feeding the pigeons

00:20:08Then put the pigeon on the fucking phone

00:20:09What?

00:20:11Let me talk to the goddamn pigeon

00:20:17There ain't no pigeon

00:20:19Tell a bitch

00:20:21Sitting next to you

00:20:22That's making pigeon noise in the phone

00:20:24When I see her

00:20:26I'ma beat her ass

00:20:27Oh, fake pigeon noise

00:20:29Making ass bitch

00:20:31Oh, not knowing how to sound

00:20:33Like a pigeon ass bitch

00:20:34Matter of fact

00:20:35Tell that bitch

00:20:36When I see her

00:20:37I'ma grab a real pigeon

00:20:38And smack the shit out of her with it

00:20:40She can see what a real pigeon

00:20:42Sound like

00:20:42Oh, false pigeon

00:20:43Vocal cord having ass bitch

00:20:45Hey, I'm fucking killing y'all, man

00:20:47Get fighting on these bitches one time

00:20:54I'm at a point now

00:20:56Where I understand who I am as a man

00:20:58I know my pros

00:20:59I know my cons

00:21:00Here's what's bad about me, people

00:21:01I'm a liar

00:21:02I love to lie

00:21:05I don't know why

00:21:06I wish I could stop

00:21:06I can't

00:21:07I think I'm sick

00:21:08It's a disease

00:21:10I don't even tell good lies

00:21:11I tell a bunch of dumbass lies

00:21:12On a regular basis

00:21:13Let me tell you something

00:21:14There's nothing worse

00:21:15Than telling a dumbass lie

00:21:17And getting caught telling

00:21:18A dumbass lie

00:21:20For example

00:21:21I don't like to talk on my cell phone

00:21:22I can't stand talking on my phone

00:21:23But I don't know how to tell people

00:21:25That I don't like to talk on my phone

00:21:26I think that makes me like an asshole

00:21:28So I would much rather lie about it

00:21:29Here's how I got caught the other day

00:21:31I'm in my car

00:21:31I'm driving

00:21:32A boy calls me while I'm driving

00:21:33I pick up

00:21:34Yo, what up?

00:21:35Cab, what's going on?

00:21:36Instantly I lied

00:21:37I said, dude

00:21:37I can't be on the phone like that

00:21:38I'm out the country

00:21:39I'm not trying to have a high-ass phone bill

00:21:41This is no bullshit

00:21:43This is what I heard

00:21:43He said

00:21:45Nigga, ain't that you?

00:21:46The stoplight right there in front of me?

00:21:47I said, what?

00:21:50I'm so oblivious and lying

00:21:51I waved

00:21:52What's up, man?

00:21:54What's going on with you, baby?

00:21:55Why you say you was out the country?

00:21:56I didn't say that

00:21:57I never said that

00:21:59I don't want to be a liar

00:22:01I don't

00:22:01I blame y'all

00:22:03It's y'all's fault

00:22:03Because y'all put me in positions

00:22:05Where I have no choice

00:22:06But to lie

00:22:07For example, I'm here

00:22:08I'm in New York

00:22:09I'm at the airport

00:22:10I'm in baggage claim, right?

00:22:12This girl sees me

00:22:13She goes off

00:22:14She loses her fucking mind

00:22:16As soon as she saw me

00:22:18She was like, oh my God

00:22:19No, Kevin

00:22:20Oh no

00:22:22Oh no

00:22:25I can't believe this

00:22:27God must be playing a trick on me

00:22:30God must be playing a trick on me

00:22:32Oh my God

00:22:33I said I was going to see you

00:22:35And then I see you

00:22:35And now I'm looking at you

00:22:36Oh my God

00:22:37I can't believe it

00:22:38Oh my God

00:22:39Can you do me a favor?

00:22:41Can you wait here

00:22:42For like 30 minutes?

00:22:44My mom is about to land

00:22:45She would love to get a picture with you

00:22:47I was like, shh

00:22:48Fuck yeah, wait

00:22:49Go ahead

00:22:50Go get her

00:22:50As soon as she left

00:22:51I took off

00:22:52Bitch, I'm not standing here

00:22:53For no 30 minutes

00:22:55Waiting for your goddamn mom

00:22:56No

00:22:57Kill yourself

00:22:58Die

00:22:59Today

00:22:59Death

00:23:00To you, bitch

00:23:01Die

00:23:02I'm not fucking waiting for you

00:23:04But I can't say that

00:23:06If I say that

00:23:07That makes me like an asshole

00:23:09There's certain lies that I can't tell

00:23:11For example

00:23:12I can't tell big lies

00:23:13The reason why I can't tell big lies

00:23:15Is because I'm one of those people

00:23:16That start to believe the lie

00:23:18Like once I get that ball rolling

00:23:20I can't stop

00:23:21You know who I respect?

00:23:23I respect people that work a 9 to 5 job

00:23:25That can show up late for work

00:23:26Without an excuse

00:23:27That show up

00:23:28Take full responsibility

00:23:29Hey

00:23:29I'm sorry I'm late

00:23:31It'll never happen again

00:23:32I overslept

00:23:32I apologize

00:23:33It's irresponsible on my behalf

00:23:35If I do it again

00:23:36Fire me

00:23:36I respect people that can do that

00:23:38Because I can't do that

00:23:39Because I'm a fucking liar

00:23:40I am

00:23:41If I'm late

00:23:42Something happened

00:23:43I don't give a shit

00:23:43Something drastic happened

00:23:47Yo, dude

00:23:48Sorry I'm late

00:23:49I was on the highway

00:23:50And the fucking baby

00:23:51Was running

00:23:53On the highway

00:23:55Yeah

00:23:55I know right

00:23:56Shit's crazy

00:23:57So I get out the car

00:23:58I start chasing the baby

00:23:59In my mind

00:24:00I'm like

00:24:01Why are you running baby?

00:24:02That's what I'm thinking

00:24:03Right?

00:24:04But I'm like

00:24:04What do you do?

00:24:05Because I can't just grab the baby

00:24:06And throw the baby in the car

00:24:08That's kidnapping

00:24:08I fuck around

00:24:09Go to jail

00:24:10I got a little butt

00:24:11I get raped

00:24:11I know they didn't fucking rape me in jail

00:24:13I ain't trying to get raped

00:24:14So I had to make a decision

00:24:15I was like

00:24:16Shit

00:24:16What do I do?

00:24:17So I decided

00:24:18To adopt the baby

00:24:20What I did was

00:24:21I downloaded this app

00:24:22On my iPhone

00:24:23This adopt the baby app

00:24:24Right?

00:24:25I put the barcode

00:24:26On the baby head

00:24:27Oop

00:24:27That way the baby knew

00:24:28He was my baby

00:24:29I put the baby in the car

00:24:30I go to pull off

00:24:31I turn around

00:24:32A deer

00:24:33Was running

00:24:34Towards the car

00:24:35So I'm like

00:24:36Oh shit

00:24:37This deer

00:24:38Is about to eat the baby

00:24:39That's what I'm thinking

00:24:40Right?

00:24:41But then I look closer

00:24:42I notice the front part of the deer

00:24:44Was a deer

00:24:44The back half was a zebra

00:24:46It was half deer

00:24:47Half zebra

00:24:48So I'm like

00:24:49Oh shit

00:24:50It's a deer bra

00:24:51Like that's what I'm thinking

00:24:53It's a fucking deer bra

00:24:55So I call a zoo

00:24:56I'm like

00:24:56Yo

00:24:57It's a fucking deer bra

00:24:59Out here

00:25:01On the highway

00:25:02He was like

00:25:03What's that?

00:25:03I was like

00:25:04Half deer

00:25:04Half zebra

00:25:06He was like

00:25:06Did you just make that up?

00:25:08I was like

00:25:08I think so

00:25:10He said

00:25:11Well bring it down

00:25:12So I get down there

00:25:13He sees it

00:25:14He's like

00:25:14Oh shit

00:25:15It's half deer

00:25:16Half zebra

00:25:17I said

00:25:18That's what I was trying to tell you on the phone

00:25:19It's a deer bra

00:25:20He was like

00:25:21Okay

00:25:21What do you want?

00:25:21Do you want money for it?

00:25:22I said

00:25:23No

00:25:23I don't have that type of time

00:25:24I gotta get back to the car

00:25:26Because my new son

00:25:28Is in the car

00:25:29By himself

00:25:30So

00:25:31I get back to the car

00:25:32Turns out

00:25:33The baby

00:25:34That I thought was a baby

00:25:35Wasn't a baby

00:25:36It was a grown ass man

00:25:37With Benjamin Button disease

00:25:39Let me tell you

00:25:41I figured this out

00:25:42So when I got to the car

00:25:43The baby woke up

00:25:44I was like

00:25:45Hey

00:25:45I'm your new dad

00:25:46I just adopted you

00:25:48He was like

00:25:48You ain't my dad bitch

00:25:50I'm 65

00:25:51I said

00:25:52God damn

00:25:53He said

00:25:54I got a disease

00:25:54I was like

00:25:55You got that Benjamin Button

00:25:57He was like

00:25:58Where's my deer bra

00:25:59I said

00:26:00I knew that was a fucking deer bra

00:26:02I knew it was

00:26:03I just took it to the zoo

00:26:05He was like

00:26:06Well how the fuck am I supposed to get home

00:26:07I said

00:26:08You ride that motherfucker man

00:26:11Anyway

00:26:12Long story short

00:26:13That's why I'm five minutes late for work

00:26:14Cause it took a long ass time

00:26:16For me to get the fucking deer bra

00:26:18In the car

00:26:19Understand something people

00:26:22Lying

00:26:22Will ruin your life

00:26:24Lying

00:26:25Will ruin your goddamn life

00:26:27Lying ruined my marriage

00:26:28True shit sweetie

00:26:30Lying

00:26:31Ruined my goddamn marriage

00:26:33That's a lie

00:26:34I cheated

00:26:34Let's talk about it though

00:26:35Let's figure it out

00:26:36Don't judge me

00:26:37Let me explain

00:26:38Um

00:26:39Yes

00:26:40Yes people

00:26:41I cheated

00:26:41Am I ashamed of it

00:26:43No

00:26:43No I'm not

00:26:44Do I wish that I could take it back

00:26:46No

00:26:47No I don't

00:26:48Let me tell you why

00:26:49You can't evolve as a man

00:26:51If you never make a mistake

00:26:52The only way that you can be perfect

00:26:53Is to fuck up

00:26:54I get it

00:26:55I fucked up

00:26:55Don't cheat

00:26:57Nah

00:26:57Whatever

00:26:58Now do I

00:27:00Do I think cheating was the problem

00:27:02No I don't

00:27:03Cheating was not the problem

00:27:05Lying

00:27:05About cheating was the problem

00:27:07Better been honest about it

00:27:08Might have worked it out

00:27:09But I wasn't

00:27:10I lied

00:27:11And I didn't just lie on myself

00:27:12I put my best friend in my lie

00:27:14Now I don't think that's a bad thing to do

00:27:16Let me explain why

00:27:17If you're my best friend

00:27:19I shouldn't have to ask you to lie for me

00:27:21I shouldn't have to ask for your permission

00:27:22For me to put you in my lie

00:27:24You know why?

00:27:25Cause you're my best fucking friend bitch

00:27:27That's your job

00:27:28The day that we sign up

00:27:29And say that we best friends

00:27:30That means that my bullshit

00:27:32Is your bullshit

00:27:33And your bullshit

00:27:35Is my bullshit

00:27:36If you're my real best friend

00:27:38You should know that I need you to lie for me

00:27:40By the look on my face

00:27:41If I'm looking at you

00:27:42And I'm not blinking

00:27:43If I'm like this

00:27:48That's a goddamn sign

00:27:49That means the bitch got to drop on us

00:27:51My back is against the wall

00:27:52This is not a test

00:27:53It's the real deal

00:27:54Help me

00:27:56Help me

00:27:58Nigga

00:28:00Help me

00:28:04My friend Harry

00:28:06Ignored all signs

00:28:07Okay

00:28:08Let me tell you how shit hit the fan

00:28:10Let me tell you how shit hit the fan

00:28:11I come in the house

00:28:12Right

00:28:12I come in the house

00:28:13At like 4 in the morning

00:28:13I'm drunk people

00:28:14Drunk as shit

00:28:15I have no balance

00:28:16I'm all over the place

00:28:17I'm rocking back and forth

00:28:18As soon as I walk in the house

00:28:19She wakes up

00:28:20She goes off

00:28:21You know what

00:28:22I'm sick of this

00:28:23I know you was probably out

00:28:24With some bitch

00:28:25You was probably messing with some bitch

00:28:27Now I'm drunk

00:28:28I don't want to respond

00:28:29Because I don't have any balance

00:28:30I'm rocking back and forth

00:28:31You don't look believable

00:28:33When you're rocking back and forth

00:28:34So I had to choose a stance

00:28:36In which I look believable

00:28:37So I chose this

00:28:38I said let me tell you something

00:28:39Listen to me

00:28:41Wasn't nobody with no bitch

00:28:42Okay you wrong

00:28:43Matter of fact

00:28:44To prove you wrong

00:28:45I'm gonna call Harry

00:28:46Harry not expecting me to call right now

00:28:48So Harry don't have no reason to lie

00:28:49And

00:28:50I'm gonna put it on speakerphone

00:28:51About to make you feel stupid

00:28:53Watch this

00:28:54Watch how fucking stupid you feel

00:28:56Watch

00:28:57Watch this

00:28:59Harry

00:29:00Harry

00:29:01Real quick

00:29:02Don't lie

00:29:03Let's stop right there

00:29:05Let's just stop right there for a second

00:29:07What

00:29:07What does that mean

00:29:08What does that mean people

00:29:10Lie

00:29:10It means lie

00:29:12Right now

00:29:13It means the bitch got to drop on us

00:29:14My back is against the wall

00:29:15This is not a test

00:29:16It's the real deal

00:29:18Help me

00:29:19Help

00:29:20Me

00:29:22Nigga

00:29:24Help me

00:29:27Harry

00:29:28Ignored all sides

00:29:30I'm gonna tell you exactly what Harry said

00:29:32I said

00:29:33Harry

00:29:34Real quick

00:29:35Don't lie

00:29:36Where we coming from right now

00:29:37He said

00:29:39Man

00:29:39You was with that bitch

00:29:41With the fat ass

00:29:42What

00:29:43What

00:29:44Oh no

00:29:45No no no no no no no no

00:29:48Oh no

00:29:49No no no no no no no no no

00:29:52Yo

00:29:54I was so fucking scared

00:29:56Oh my god

00:29:59No this is bitch don't kill me

00:30:01You don't fucking kill me

00:30:05People understand something

00:30:06I'm not

00:30:07I'm not mad at Harry

00:30:08The reason why I'm not mad at Harry

00:30:10Is because

00:30:10Harry has done some dumb shit

00:30:12But I understand who he is

00:30:13See Harry might be

00:30:15The smartest dumbest friend

00:30:16That I've ever had in my life

00:30:17Okay

00:30:18Let me tell you the dumbest thing

00:30:19That Harry's ever done

00:30:20Harry invented the code

00:30:22For us to use

00:30:23To let each other know

00:30:23When we were around our women

00:30:25Basically if somebody used the code

00:30:26It means don't say anything stupid

00:30:28You might be on speaker phone

00:30:29Don't say nothing dumb

00:30:30The phone might be loud enough

00:30:31So my girl can hear

00:30:32Whatever this is just saying

00:30:33It means don't say anything

00:30:34That could jeopardize our relationship

00:30:36The code was

00:30:38Man I'm hungry as shit

00:30:40That's the code people

00:30:42Man I'm hungry as shit

00:30:44Here's what pissed me off

00:30:46About the code

00:30:48Harry invented the fucking code

00:30:51So there's no reason

00:30:52Why Harry should ever mess with the code

00:30:54Here's how Harry messes it up

00:30:56I'm in the car with my lady

00:30:57I'm driving

00:30:57She in the passenger seat

00:30:58Harry calls me

00:30:59I'm in the car

00:31:00I got the bluetooth shit in the car

00:31:01So my phone rings

00:31:02The whole car rings

00:31:03Harry's name

00:31:04Pops up on the dashboard

00:31:06I answer

00:31:06What up boy

00:31:07Kev what's going on

00:31:09Ain't shit

00:31:09This I knew the conversation

00:31:11Was about to take time for the worse

00:31:12This I knew it was about to get filthy

00:31:13He said

00:31:16Nigga

00:31:31Harry

00:31:34Hey man I'm hungry as shit

00:31:38He said

00:31:39I'm not

00:31:40I'm not

00:31:40I just hate

00:31:40Wait

00:31:41Wait

00:31:42Wait

00:31:43Harry

00:31:43Woo

00:31:44Harry

00:31:45Woo

00:31:46Harry

00:31:47I said

00:31:48Man I'm hungry as shit

00:31:51He said

00:31:52Yo you should go to the subway

00:31:52Get the footlong for five dollars

00:31:54What the fuck

00:31:55Harry

00:31:56Harry

00:31:58I said

00:31:59Man I'm hungry as shit

00:32:01He said

00:32:02Oh

00:32:03That must mean you ready to eat these white bitches

00:32:08What

00:32:08Oh no

00:32:09No no no no no no no

00:32:12No no no

00:32:14I ain't eat no white bitch

00:32:15I ain't eat no white bitches

00:32:17I never did

00:32:18Oh my god no

00:32:20Oh no

00:32:21Yo

00:32:22Have you ever been in trouble with your girl

00:32:24To the point where you're afraid to look at her

00:32:26But you can feel her staring

00:32:28At the side of your god damn face

00:32:30I was so scared

00:32:31I never looked at her

00:32:32I just looked straight

00:32:32And started making dumb ass noises

00:32:36I started

00:32:37I started pointing out shit

00:32:38Oh look

00:32:39A deerbra

00:32:40You see it

00:32:40I just saw a deerbra

00:32:42I fucking killed y'all man

00:32:44Get fired on these bitches again

00:32:47Now

00:32:48Here's the thing

00:32:50I'm not upset with Harry

00:32:51For doing all the dumb shit that he's done

00:32:53Reason why

00:32:54Is because

00:32:54I've learned so much

00:32:56From Harry

00:32:56Like literally

00:32:57Now I know what to do

00:32:58What not to do

00:32:59I know what I want

00:33:00What I don't want

00:33:01And fellas

00:33:01I'm not selfish

00:33:02With this information

00:33:03I feel like it's my job

00:33:04To educate y'all

00:33:06I can tell you what you want in your life

00:33:07What you don't want in your life

00:33:08I can tell you the one thing

00:33:09That you do not want in your household

00:33:11Fellas

00:33:11The one thing that you don't want in your household

00:33:12Is a female

00:33:13That doesn't trust you

00:33:14Only thing that's worse

00:33:15Than a female that doesn't trust you

00:33:17Is a female that doesn't trust you

00:33:18That has no proof

00:33:19For why

00:33:20She doesn't trust you

00:33:22That bitch is crazy

00:33:23Let me tell you why

00:33:25She's crazy

00:33:26Because she has so many thoughts

00:33:27In her head

00:33:28About what you might be doing

00:33:30And it pisses her off

00:33:31And she can't figure it out

00:33:32That's why she sits in the house all day

00:33:34Trying to put pieces to a puzzle together

00:33:36That doesn't exist

00:33:38Oh he done fucked up

00:33:40Oh this nigga fucked up

00:33:42What the fuck is this right here

00:33:44Oh I got his ass now

00:33:47This is a woman that'll look at you

00:33:49And say crazy shit

00:33:50Like don't act like

00:33:52I'm fucking crazy

00:33:55Nigga

00:33:55You ever see a girl say shit like that

00:33:57She look crazy as shit

00:33:58Why she say it

00:33:59Don't act like

00:34:00I'm fucking crazy

00:34:03Let me tell you something

00:34:04Any bitch that do this shit right here

00:34:08Is a goddamn psychopath

00:34:09You hear me

00:34:10Any bitch

00:34:12That argue with you to the side

00:34:13Oh you

00:34:14Got a bitch

00:34:17Fucked up

00:34:18You hear me

00:34:19You got me fucked up

00:34:21You got me fucked up

00:34:23You got me fucked up

00:34:26Nigga

00:34:26It's a different level of woman

00:34:28She's fucking crazy

00:34:29This woman is so crazy

00:34:31That when she thinks

00:34:33When she thinks

00:34:34That she's caught you cheating

00:34:35Before she talks to you

00:34:36She's got to have a conversation

00:34:38With herself

00:34:39She's got to talk to herself

00:34:43This is my impression

00:34:45A crazy woman talking to themselves

00:34:48Oh yeah

00:34:50Oh we got his ass now

00:34:52We got his ass now

00:34:55You ready bitch

00:34:56Bitch I'm ready

00:34:59Ain't nobody there

00:35:00It's just her

00:35:01Now she's so crazy

00:35:02That she can't even stick to the plan

00:35:04The plan is to see you

00:35:06When she sees you

00:35:07She's supposed to show you

00:35:08Whatever she found

00:35:09You're supposed to talk about it

00:35:10Figure out the next steps

00:35:11In your relationship

00:35:12But she's crazy

00:35:13There's so much bottled up emotion

00:35:15And built up tension aside

00:35:16As soon as she sees your face

00:35:18She snaps

00:35:19She fucking loses it

00:35:20As soon as you walk through the door

00:35:21Shut the fuck up

00:35:22Shut up

00:35:23Don't say shit

00:35:25You a piece of shit

00:35:27Oh my god

00:35:33Hey

00:35:34Have you ever seen a woman

00:35:35Go from frantic to calm

00:35:37Like real fast

00:35:38Motherfucker you a piece of shit

00:35:40I can't believe you hurting me

00:35:42But it's gonna be the last time

00:35:44That you do some shit like this to me

00:35:47I don't give up

00:35:49I don't give up

00:35:52Let me tell you something nigga

00:35:54You gonna get your shit together

00:35:56Are you like

00:35:57Yeah

00:35:58You're a fucking psychopath man

00:36:02Crazy women always wanna tell you what you did

00:36:05They always wanna run down the story

00:36:06Let me tell you why you fucked up

00:36:08Let me tell you why

00:36:10You fucked up

00:36:12Last night you come here

00:36:13You're a little drunk

00:36:15You're a little tipsy

00:36:16You decide to go to sleep on the couch

00:36:17You take your pants off

00:36:18You put your pants on the floor

00:36:20Something told me

00:36:23Something told me

00:36:25Something was like

00:36:26Girl

00:36:27Go through his pants

00:36:28I was like

00:36:29Alright

00:36:30That's a crazy

00:36:31That's a crazy girl face

00:36:32Alright

00:36:33So

00:36:34I get up

00:36:35I go through your pants

00:36:36I found a receipt

00:36:37You had a receipt in your pants

00:36:39For some gas

00:36:40But it wasn't any old kind of gas

00:36:42It was regular gas

00:36:43That's funny

00:36:44I'm with you all the time

00:36:45I've never seen you use

00:36:47Regular gas

00:36:49Ladies let me ask you a question

00:36:50Why is that whenever you argue with your man

00:36:52And you repeat yourself

00:36:52The second time you say it

00:36:53You get loud as shit

00:36:54As if you solved the case

00:36:56That's funny

00:36:57I've never seen you use

00:36:59Regular gas

00:37:02I've never seen you use

00:37:05Regular gas

00:37:06You know who put the regular gas in the car

00:37:08That regular bitch that you was with

00:37:12That's who put the regular gas in the car

00:37:14Shut your ass up

00:37:15Shut up

00:37:16You court

00:37:17You a piece of shit

00:37:18Look at you

00:37:19You got glitter oil on your face

00:37:20Mitch Mack socks

00:37:21Now ladies

00:37:22Let me explain something to you

00:37:2499% of the time you're right

00:37:2899% of the time you're right

00:37:29That 1% when you're wrong

00:37:31That's the day the men live for

00:37:33We live for the day

00:37:34That we can make you look dumb as shit

00:37:36That's our goal

00:37:37As men

00:37:38I'm going to tell you three words

00:37:40That you never want to hear

00:37:41Come out your man's mouth

00:37:42If your man doesn't hit you with these words

00:37:43Shut up

00:37:44Don't say shit

00:37:44He's about to make you look stupid

00:37:46If you going off

00:37:47You snapping

00:37:47Shut the fuck up

00:37:48You a piece of shit

00:37:49I hate you

00:37:52If he hit you with this right here

00:37:56Are you done?

00:37:59Are you done?

00:38:01He get cocky

00:38:02Are you done?

00:38:04Are you done?

00:38:06Okay

00:38:07I'm about to shit on this bitch

00:38:10Right now

00:38:11Are you done?

00:38:12You done, right?

00:38:13You done, right?

00:38:14Are you done?

00:38:15Are you done?

00:38:16Okay

00:38:17Okay

00:38:17I'm laughing

00:38:19I'm laughing

00:38:20Because you don't even know what happened

00:38:21See

00:38:22Last night

00:38:23You was the one at the club

00:38:24That decided to drink a whole bottle of Patron

00:38:26By yourself

00:38:27You the one that passed out in the club

00:38:29I'm the one that picked you up

00:38:30Carried you out the club

00:38:31Put you in the car

00:38:32We got in the car

00:38:33We started driving home

00:38:33I realized I lost my wallet

00:38:35I said

00:38:36Damn, babe

00:38:36We need gas

00:38:37I don't have my wallet

00:38:38You got any money on you?

00:38:39You said

00:38:40In a very drunk voice

00:38:42I got three dollars

00:38:43I said

00:38:44What the fuck are we supposed to do

00:38:46With three dollars?

00:38:47You said

00:38:48We gonna put some regular gas

00:38:50Up in this motherfucker

00:38:53I said

00:38:54Fine

00:38:54We put the regular gas in the car

00:38:56I drive home fast

00:38:57Because I didn't want to run out the regular gas

00:38:59When we got home

00:39:00You felt sick

00:39:01Because of where I was driving

00:39:02You fucking went upstairs

00:39:03You start throwing up

00:39:04I got naked

00:39:05I got in the bed

00:39:06I kept my socks on though

00:39:07First of all

00:39:08You know I sleep with my socks on

00:39:10Because I got ugly feet

00:39:11I'm insecure

00:39:12About my feet

00:39:13My fear

00:39:14Is if I don't sleep with socks on

00:39:16We gonna get robbed

00:39:17And whoever has a gun

00:39:18Is gonna look at my feet

00:39:19And they're gonna be like

00:39:19Oh shit

00:39:20Ew

00:39:21But

00:39:22Shoot me in the fucking foot

00:39:23I'm gonna have another ugly ass

00:39:25Goddamn foot

00:39:26So

00:39:27You start calling me

00:39:28You like

00:39:29Kev

00:39:29Come help me

00:39:30I'm throwing up

00:39:31I come running the bathroom

00:39:32You got throw a ball on the floor

00:39:34I stepped in it

00:39:35Ew

00:39:35Took my sock off

00:39:36I put your sock on

00:39:37That's why my sock got a ball

00:39:39On the back of it

00:39:40Picked you up

00:39:41Put you on my shoulder

00:39:42The reason why I got glitter on my face

00:39:43Is because you used that cheap ass

00:39:45Glitter lotion on your ass

00:39:46So when I had you like this

00:39:47Your ass was rubbing against the side

00:39:49Of my goddamn face

00:39:50Ran in the room

00:39:51I threw you in the bed

00:39:52I didn't get in the bed

00:39:53Because you smell like Thor

00:39:54I'm not getting in the bed

00:39:55When nobody smells like Thor

00:39:56You know why I'm not getting in the bed

00:39:58When nobody smells like Thor

00:39:59Because it's gonna make me

00:40:00Fucking throw up

00:40:01So

00:40:01I went downstairs

00:40:03I slept on the couch

00:40:04With that being said

00:40:05Don't say shitos to me

00:40:06You wrong

00:40:07I'm out

00:40:08This face that women make

00:40:10Is priceless

00:40:39It's not even like that

00:40:41Well you better get to sucking

00:41:10Right now

00:41:12It's because when a woman

00:41:13It's because when a woman reaches

00:41:13A certain level of crazy

00:41:14She doesn't know

00:41:15That she's being crazy

00:41:17Everybody else knows

00:41:18Everybody else sees it

00:41:19Hey

00:41:19That bitch in the corner

00:41:21With the diaper on her face

00:41:22Is fucking crazy

00:41:23Yo

00:41:23She's fucking crazy

00:41:24She's a psychopath

00:41:25Everybody else knows

00:41:26Except her

00:41:26Here's the thing

00:41:27I was in that situation

00:41:29I saw a woman get crazy

00:41:30Let me tell you

00:41:31I knew this one chick

00:41:32Went wild

00:41:32Okay

00:41:32We in the house one day

00:41:34Arguing

00:41:34All fucking day

00:41:35Gets to the point

00:41:36I'm like you know what

00:41:36I can't argue with you no more

00:41:37My head hurts

00:41:38I'm done

00:41:39I'm getting in the shower

00:41:40I'm getting dressed

00:41:40I'm going to the store

00:41:41True story people

00:41:42That's exactly what I do

00:41:43Get in the shower

00:41:44Get dressed

00:41:44Get in my car

00:41:45Start driving to the store

00:41:46On the way to the store

00:41:47I hit a speed bump

00:41:48When I hit the speed bump

00:41:50I hear a lot of noise in the trunk

00:41:51Boom

00:41:52Boom

00:41:53Boom

00:41:55That's weird

00:41:55I ain't put shit in the trunk

00:41:57The fuck is all that noise

00:41:58In the goddamn trunk

00:42:00I'm small

00:42:01I get scared fast

00:42:02So

00:42:03I get out the car

00:42:05I pop the trunk

00:42:05This is some true shit

00:42:06I pop the trunk

00:42:07When I pop the trunk

00:42:08This bitch was stooped down

00:42:09In the trunk like this

00:42:10Looking at me

00:42:11I see her

00:42:13In the goddamn trunk

00:42:15I see her

00:42:16See me see her

00:42:17In the goddamn trunk

00:42:19I just caught you

00:42:20In the trunk of my car

00:42:21You gotta say something

00:42:23To justify

00:42:24What the fuck I'm looking at

00:42:25What the fuck are you doing

00:42:27In the goddamn trunk

00:42:28With a straight face

00:42:29She looks at me

00:42:30Jumps out the trunk

00:42:31Rolls her eyes

00:42:32And takes off

00:42:33As if I never saw her

00:42:34Boom

00:42:35Boom

00:42:36Now let me tell you

00:42:37Why I had an attitude

00:42:38I had an attitude

00:42:39Because we live together

00:42:41Like

00:42:41I'm gonna see you tonight

00:42:44We have to address this

00:42:46At some point in time

00:42:47I said

00:42:48No fuck that

00:42:49We're gonna talk about this

00:42:50Right now

00:42:50I get in the car

00:42:51I drive home

00:42:52Here's where it gets crazier

00:42:53When I get home

00:42:54She in the kitchen

00:42:55Cooking

00:42:56Right

00:42:57I walk in the house

00:42:58She said

00:42:59Hey babe

00:42:59You hungry

00:42:59Bitch

00:43:00What the

00:43:02Oh

00:43:04Wait

00:43:05I don't wanna talk about

00:43:06No goddamn food

00:43:07I wanna talk about

00:43:07Why I popped the trunk

00:43:08And you popped out

00:43:09The goddamn trunk

00:43:10Like a goddamn jack in the box

00:43:12The fuck were you doing

00:43:13In the goddamn trunk

00:43:14With a straight face

00:43:16She looked at me

00:43:16She said

00:43:17I wasn't in no goddamn trunk

00:43:20Bitch

00:43:21I saw you

00:43:22See me

00:43:22See you

00:43:23In the goddamn trunk

00:43:25You ain't see me

00:43:26In no goddamn trunk

00:43:27You must have saw

00:43:28With them other bitches

00:43:29You be fucking with

00:43:30Goddamn trunk

00:43:32Nigga

00:43:33It messed me up so bad

00:43:35I started thinking

00:43:36I was like

00:43:41Did I have another bitch

00:43:42In the trunk

00:43:43I might have

00:43:44I don't know

00:43:45I might have put another bitch

00:43:46In the trunk

00:43:46And forgot she was in the trunk

00:43:51These are real life situations

00:43:53Now after something like that happens

00:43:54Every man's reaction is the same

00:43:56We all say the same shit

00:43:57We all do the same shit

00:43:58I ain't dealing with no crazy ass woman

00:44:00Ain't no way in hell

00:44:01I'm dealing with a crazy ass woman

00:44:02I'd rather be myself

00:44:03That's what you do

00:44:04You live the single life

00:44:05Single life is amazing at first

00:44:07The reason why it's amazing

00:44:08Is every night you're with your boys

00:44:10You're drinking

00:44:10You're meeting women

00:44:11Having a good time

00:44:12Reality doesn't hit you

00:44:14About how bad the single life is

00:44:15Until you call your friends to go out

00:44:17And on that night

00:44:18None of your friends are available

00:44:19Because they're out with their women

00:44:20That's when reality hits you

00:44:22Yo what up boy

00:44:23What you trying to do tonight

00:44:24Aw man I ain't doing nothing

00:44:25It's Cupcake Tuesdays

00:44:26Me and my lady

00:44:27We make cupcakes

00:44:29Red velvet

00:44:29I get to lick the bowl and everything

00:44:31Lick the bowl?

00:44:32Man get the fuck off my phone

00:44:33Hey

00:44:34Don't be mad at me

00:44:35Because you ain't got no bowl to lick

00:44:36What?

00:44:38Now you start to rethink

00:44:38Your whole decision

00:44:39Damn

00:44:40Did I have a good woman?

00:44:42Shit man

00:44:43I might have had a good woman

00:44:45You know what?

00:44:46I need to get my lady back

00:44:47See what you can't go back

00:44:48The way you left

00:44:48You gotta reinvent yourself

00:44:50You gotta make it look like

00:44:51You're making an effort

00:44:52To get your woman back

00:44:53Here's how dumb I am

00:44:54This is what I do

00:44:55I come back

00:44:56Babe

00:44:57I got an idea

00:44:58It's gonna be great

00:44:58It's gonna put the spark back

00:44:59In our relationship

00:45:00It's gonna make us fall in love

00:45:01Okay

00:45:02We've never done it

00:45:02Let's do it for the first time together

00:45:04We should both take ecstasy

00:45:05One time

00:45:06We should pop a pill

00:45:07Hear me out

00:45:08Hear me out

00:45:08It's an emotional drug

00:45:10Okay

00:45:10It's gonna make us talk

00:45:11We're gonna have sex

00:45:12It's gonna be the best

00:45:13She said fine

00:45:14Let's do it

00:45:15She takes the pill

00:45:16Her pill gives her

00:45:17All the right reactions

00:45:19I take the pill

00:45:20My

00:45:21My pill

00:45:22Okay

00:45:23My

00:45:24My pill made me believe

00:45:26That I was a drug dealer

00:45:27This is some real shit

00:45:29I wish I was making this shit up

00:45:31I can't make this up people

00:45:32I don't know where it came from

00:45:33I snapped

00:45:34We were talking

00:45:35She was like

00:45:35Babe

00:45:36I just wanna be happy

00:45:37I want the disrespect to stop

00:45:38So let me tell you something

00:45:39You worried about fucking disrespect?

00:45:40That's what you worried about?

00:45:41Huh?

00:45:42What you need to be worried about

00:45:43Is how I'm gonna deliver this kilo of cocaine

00:45:45To fucking Pablo

00:45:46She was like

00:45:47What?

00:45:47What are you talking about?

00:45:48Who the hell you think I'm talking about?

00:45:50Where you think all this money come from?

00:45:51Jokes?

00:45:52Is that what you think?

00:45:53Huh?

00:45:54You

00:45:54You think I'm out here making funny money?

00:45:57Is that it?

00:45:58Huh?

00:45:59Bitch I'm in the game

00:46:00I'm out here in the fucking streets

00:46:02Okay?

00:46:02I gotta cook it

00:46:03Cut it

00:46:04Bake it

00:46:04Whoop

00:46:05Fly that shit

00:46:06She was like

00:46:07Oh my god

00:46:08What about the kids?

00:46:09Fuck them kids

00:46:10Bitch

00:46:10I'm out here

00:46:11Riding around and getting it

00:46:13Bird gang

00:46:14Whoop

00:46:15You don't even know my life

00:46:17Bitch

00:46:17Listen

00:46:18Let me tell you how messed up I was

00:46:19I was ass naked

00:46:21Walking around a house like this

00:46:22In my mind

00:46:23This was a gun

00:46:24I really believed

00:46:26That my hand

00:46:27Was a gun

00:46:28I was making threats

00:46:29I said let me tell you something

00:46:30If anybody on the block

00:46:32Try to touch my product

00:46:35Chitty chitty bang bang

00:46:36Nigga's gonna die

00:46:38She was like

00:46:39Calm down

00:46:40Calm down

00:46:42I knew she was fucked up

00:46:43I knew she was fucked up

00:46:44Cause I turned around like this

00:46:46Right

00:46:46She was like

00:46:47Don't shoot me

00:46:50Ain't nobody gonna shoot you

00:46:51I got the safety on

00:46:52You need to fucking chill out

00:46:55Y'all laughing

00:46:56I'm dead serious

00:46:57I was messed up

00:46:58I tried to fuck a bean bag that night

00:47:01I was ass naked on the bean bag

00:47:02For two hours

00:47:03Doing this shit

00:47:04By myself

00:47:09I was sweating

00:47:10But I didn't know it was me

00:47:12I thought it was the bean bag

00:47:13I was like

00:47:14Oh this bean bag

00:47:15Wet as shit

00:47:18This bean bag

00:47:19About to get this long dick

00:47:21That you gonna get bean bag

00:47:23You gonna learn today

00:47:24Bean bag

00:47:24You hear me

00:47:26You gonna learn today

00:47:29That's an old chapter in my life people

00:47:31Right now I'm in a new chapter

00:47:33In this chapter

00:47:34Reality is hit

00:47:36Reality is

00:47:37I'm single

00:47:37Fucking dating

00:47:38I can do what I want now

00:47:39Now here's the scary thing

00:47:41About dating for me

00:47:42I believe in karma

00:47:43Whatever you do in life

00:47:44Is gonna come full circle

00:47:45At some point in time

00:47:47I know it is

00:47:47Okay

00:47:48My fear is

00:47:49I'm gonna fuck around

00:47:49And fall in love

00:47:50And I'm gonna get hurt

00:47:51When I think about getting hurt

00:47:52I think about the ultimate level

00:47:54Of getting hurt

00:47:55Like

00:47:55I'm trying to surprise my lady

00:47:56Or her lunch break

00:47:57She'll be in the car

00:47:59Give some dude head

00:48:00I'm gonna fuck around and sit

00:48:02Now I know I'm not strong enough

00:48:03To deal with that

00:48:03I'm too emotional

00:48:04I'll break down

00:48:05No no no no no no no

00:48:07No

00:48:08Pick your head up

00:48:09Don't finish

00:48:11Don't finish it

00:48:13Jesus take the wheel

00:48:14Please

00:48:16I know I can't deal with that

00:48:17Some men are

00:48:18Some men can

00:48:19Some men are strong enough

00:48:20To catch their woman

00:48:21In the sexual act

00:48:22Like giving another man a head

00:48:23To the point where

00:48:24They can go up to the car

00:48:25Open the car

00:48:25During say one sentence

00:48:26In that sentence

00:48:28They'll let a woman know

00:48:29How much she loved her

00:48:29How bad she hurt him

00:48:31And where he is mentally

00:48:32He can walk off

00:48:33Some men can pull it off

00:48:35You know what

00:48:36I loved you the best that I could

00:48:37What I could do I did

00:48:39What I didn't do I tried

00:48:41Fuck it

00:48:42He'll walk off

00:48:43She'll feel bad

00:48:44Why am I doing this

00:48:45I don't wanna do it no more

00:48:48Did you get it

00:48:49That was the dick

00:48:50Did you guys get it

00:48:51This was the dick

00:48:52Did you get it

00:48:56Some men are different

00:48:57Some men are killers

00:48:58Some men are thugs

00:48:59All the time

00:49:00No fuck that

00:49:01Fuck that

00:49:02I see my girl in the car

00:49:03Gives the dude head

00:49:04I'm gonna go up to the car

00:49:05I'm gonna grab him

00:49:06Drag him out the car

00:49:07I'm gonna beat the shit

00:49:08Out the dude

00:49:09That's the some men feel

00:49:10Would you do that man

00:49:11Shane would you fuck him up

00:49:13You gonna whip his ass

00:49:15You gonna fight the guy

00:49:16With his dick out

00:49:19His dick is out

00:49:20This guy got the hard dick

00:49:21That's the wrong answer Shane

00:49:22I don't like that answer

00:49:23I don't think you thought about it

00:49:24You should have thought it through

00:49:25It's fucking diggers out

00:49:26I can't fight the dude

00:49:26With a hard dick

00:49:27It's not gonna happen

00:49:28The reason why

00:49:28Is cause I'm small

00:49:29When I fight

00:49:30I gotta get low

00:49:31I gotta get your legs

00:49:33If your dick is out

00:49:34At some point in time

00:49:35That's gonna cause a problem

00:49:36For me

00:49:36At some point in time

00:49:38Yo you got my girl out here

00:49:39In a fucking car

00:49:41Huh

00:49:42Nigga

00:49:55Yo

00:49:56You're gonna lose your fucking mind

00:49:58If a man's dick hits your head

00:50:01In front of a group of people

00:50:02Watching the fight

00:50:02You gonna do some shit

00:50:03You never thought you would do

00:50:04You gonna fuck around

00:50:05And grab it

00:50:13You gonna say some shit

00:50:14You never thought you would say

00:50:15I'm gonna rip it up

00:50:18This dick is coming with me

00:50:21This is my dick

00:50:22I got two dicks now

00:50:26Yo

00:50:28If you grab a dude

00:50:29Dick in a fight

00:50:29You gotta kill yourself that night

00:50:32You have to die

00:50:33That night

00:50:34You can't go on living

00:50:35Cause for the rest of your life

00:50:36You gonna be known as the dude

00:50:37To grab the dude's dick

00:50:38That day in a fight

00:50:40Take a dude to grab that dude's dick

00:50:42That day in a fight

00:50:43What was I supposed to do?

00:50:44The dick was on my head

00:50:45Hey man get your dick grabbing

00:50:47Ass out of here man

00:50:48If I try to talk to you

00:50:50Dick grab her

00:50:54Look I had a thought the other day

00:50:55That scared me

00:50:56I thought about the fact that

00:50:57My kids are eventually

00:50:58Gonna have a stepdad

00:51:00That was kind of scary to me

00:51:01I'm gonna tell you why

00:51:02I started thinking to myself

00:51:03Like what if I can't

00:51:04Physically beat

00:51:05The stepdad

00:51:06Like

00:51:07Cause I know I'm not gonna like the guy

00:51:09Small problems are gonna become big problems

00:51:10So in my mind

00:51:11Shit would happen

00:51:12Like one day I call a house

00:51:14In the background I hear

00:51:15I said

00:51:16Put the dishes in the sink

00:51:17But in my mind

00:51:19What I heard was

00:51:20You and your dad

00:51:21Can suck my dick in the sink

00:51:29I gotta fight

00:51:29I gotta fucking fight now

00:51:32Now because I thought about it

00:51:33I wanna be prepared for this day

00:51:34Whatever happens

00:51:34So right now I'm currently taking

00:51:36Self defense class

00:51:37Like this is no bullshit

00:51:38It's not a joke

00:51:39It's the wrong time to mess with me

00:51:40I know a lot of shit

00:51:40My teacher just taught me

00:51:42How to take a gun

00:51:43Out of somebody's hand

00:51:44Like if somebody points a gun

00:51:46At me like this

00:51:46I'm trained to grab your wrist

00:51:48Bend it

00:51:49Take the gun

00:51:49Point it right back at you

00:51:51No bullshit

00:51:51I do it all the time in class

00:51:53I'm the best

00:51:55It's at a point

00:51:56Where I had a conversation

00:51:57With my friends

00:51:57I said look dude

00:51:58If we out

00:51:58And somebody pulls a gun out

00:52:00Let me handle it

00:52:01I'm the only one here

00:52:02That's trained

00:52:03For this type of combat

00:52:04He's like you sure

00:52:06I said trust me

00:52:07I'm sure

00:52:07Here's how funny life is

00:52:09We walking out the club

00:52:10Right

00:52:10I'm a little tipsy

00:52:11I get to the car

00:52:12This guy comes from behind the car

00:52:14He ducked down

00:52:15He had a gun

00:52:15He was like everybody get naked

00:52:17Run that shit bitch

00:52:18Get naked

00:52:19Run it

00:52:20All my friends got scared

00:52:21They start getting naked

00:52:22I was calm

00:52:23I'm standing there

00:52:24I'm looking at him

00:52:25I'm even laughing a little bit

00:52:26Cause in my mind

00:52:27I'm like

00:52:28You don't even know

00:52:32What I'm trained to do

00:52:34Like that's

00:52:34That's what I'm thinking

00:52:35Right

00:52:35So he got mad

00:52:36He said you think it's a game

00:52:37Little nigga

00:52:38Run that shit bitch

00:52:39Get naked

00:52:40Run it

00:52:40And it scared me

00:52:42Because my teacher

00:52:43My teacher only taught me

00:52:45To take guns

00:52:46From people holding it like this

00:52:48He

00:52:48He had it like this

00:52:49I've never

00:52:50I've never seen that

00:52:51We never worked on that

00:52:52In class

00:52:53So I didn't

00:52:54I didn't know what to do

00:52:55So I got naked

00:52:55I did exactly what he said

00:52:56I got naked

00:52:58My friend was like

00:52:59Do something

00:52:59I was like I can't

00:53:00He's a killer

00:53:00He's the real deal

00:53:01This guy's the real deal

00:53:03I got security after that

00:53:06Actually that's a lie

00:53:07That's a lie

00:53:07I didn't get security after that

00:53:08I tried to hire my friend Wayne

00:53:10As my security guard

00:53:12Reason why

00:53:13Is because Wayne was big as shit

00:53:14So I was like

00:53:14Why would I

00:53:14Why would I fucking pay somebody else

00:53:16When I give you that extra money

00:53:17You don't gotta fight nobody

00:53:18Just look like you would

00:53:20And something were to have it

00:53:21He's like

00:53:21Alright I'll do it

00:53:22I said done

00:53:23You're hired

00:53:24You're my security guard

00:53:26Here's why Wayne got fired

00:53:28Let me tell you why

00:53:28We were at a club

00:53:30Right

00:53:30This guy pulls out a gun

00:53:31Shoots it in the air

00:53:32Bop

00:53:33Fuck all these bitches

00:53:34I got scared

00:53:35Wayne

00:53:36What should we do

00:53:37With a straight face

00:53:38Wayne said

00:53:39Play dead

00:53:40I said what

00:53:41What you say

00:53:42He wouldn't answer me back

00:53:44Because he was in character

00:53:45He said

00:53:50Wayne

00:53:52Wayne

00:53:54Wayne

00:53:56He gonna go

00:53:57You better shut up

00:53:58Before you get shot

00:53:59What the fuck

00:54:02After that

00:54:02I hired this guy named Steve

00:54:04Now Steve was the real deal

00:54:06People

00:54:06Let me tell you why

00:54:06Steve

00:54:07Made me feel like a star

00:54:09We went places

00:54:10Steve moved the crowd

00:54:11Everybody move

00:54:12Move

00:54:12Watch out

00:54:13Mr. Hart's coming through

00:54:14I never had to look behind me

00:54:16Steve always had my back

00:54:17Steve got fired

00:54:18Because he was at a club one day

00:54:20I'm at VIP section right

00:54:21VIP is separated from the dance floor

00:54:23By a velvet rope

00:54:24I'm standing behind a velvet rope

00:54:26I say Steve

00:54:27I gotta go to the bathroom

00:54:28The guy operating the velvet rope

00:54:29Moves it

00:54:30Me and Steve walk to the bathroom

00:54:31I use it

00:54:32I get done

00:54:33We come back

00:54:33The guy operating the velvet rope

00:54:35Was talking

00:54:35That's fine

00:54:36I'm patient

00:54:37I wait till he's done

00:54:38Steve felt like

00:54:40I shouldn't have to wait

00:54:41Steve decided

00:54:42To pick me up

00:54:43And place me

00:54:45Over the goddamn rope

00:54:47Let me tell you something people

00:54:48I've never felt more

00:54:50Like a bitch

00:54:51In my life

00:54:53I was like

00:54:53Steve no

00:54:54Don't do this

00:54:54Please

00:54:56My back leg came up

00:54:57Look at me

00:54:57Look what you're making me do

00:54:58Stop Steve

00:55:00They're fucking fired man

00:55:01After that

00:55:02I hired these two ex-cops

00:55:03Turned security guards

00:55:04Now these guys

00:55:05Were very professional

00:55:06My problem with them

00:55:07Is that they were too professional

00:55:08Like their level of security

00:55:10Was way too advanced

00:55:11From my level of celebrity

00:55:12Like I don't

00:55:13I don't know who they thought

00:55:14I thought I was

00:55:16Like I don't know

00:55:16I don't know where the miscommunication came

00:55:18But it was too much

00:55:19Like we go to Applebee's

00:55:21True story

00:55:22Fucking Applebee's

00:55:24Okay

00:55:24There's an empty booth

00:55:26I go slide in the booth

00:55:27Mm mm mm

00:55:29Mm mm

00:55:30That's how I slide in the booth

00:55:32I love Applebee's

00:55:34Applebee's

00:55:35Applebee's

00:55:36Applebee's

00:55:37So

00:55:38I'm in the booth right

00:55:39I'm sitting next to the window

00:55:40He goes

00:55:41Kevin switch seats with me

00:55:42I don't want you sitting next to the window

00:55:43I said why not

00:55:44He said it might be a sniper outside

00:55:52Look

00:55:53Looking for who

00:55:54Ain't

00:55:54Ain't no sniper looking for me

00:55:56Ain't no fucking Applebee's

00:55:57No

00:55:57I'm not at the sniper level

00:55:59In my career

00:56:00I'm not there yet

00:56:01Like you probably got a word about a dude

00:56:03Putting his dick on the glass

00:56:05Like

00:56:07That's

00:56:07That's my level

00:56:08I'm at the dick on the glass level

00:56:12That's my level

00:56:13Like

00:56:14The shit that I'm afraid of

00:56:15People don't think about

00:56:17I'm gonna tell you what I'm terrified of

00:56:18Y'all gonna think I'm crazy

00:56:19But I'm gonna tell you anyway

00:56:20Scariest shit in the world to me

00:56:23Are bum hands

00:56:24A bum's

00:56:26Hands

00:56:27Are the scariest shit ever

00:56:28You can say I'm crazy all you want

00:56:29I'm willing to bet y'all

00:56:30Any amount of money right now

00:56:31If y'all walk outside after this show

00:56:33And a bum come up to you

00:56:35And flick your lip

00:56:36Bet money you kill yourself tonight

00:56:39Bet

00:56:39Whatever you wanna bet

00:56:40That you fucking kill yourself tonight

00:56:42If you walk outside

00:56:44After this show

00:56:45And a bum come up to you

00:56:46Give me a dollar man

00:56:47What?

00:56:48Man you better give me a fucking

00:56:50Give me a fucking dollar man

00:56:58What happened man

00:56:59He shoots you

00:57:00Motherfucker flips my lip man

00:57:03Oh my god

00:57:05That's the scariest shit ever

00:57:06Like you gotta get rid of that lip

00:57:08You can't keep that lip

00:57:09That lip's gotta go

00:57:11You gotta buy a new lip

00:57:12I don't even know where to get lips

00:57:15What'd you do if you got jumped

00:57:17By three homeless people

00:57:18And they held you down

00:57:19Ha

00:57:19Get off of me

00:57:20What is this about

00:57:21And then a leader come out

00:57:23And you see him like this

00:57:24Hey

00:57:25Oh my god

00:57:29You know how dirty his hands are

00:57:31Oh my fucking god

00:57:35That'll be the quickest bump

00:57:36That you've ever gotten

00:57:37In your fucking life

00:57:38Bow

00:57:39Bump

00:57:40That fucking fast

00:57:42You gotta explain it

00:57:43Hey man

00:57:45Is that a fucking herpy

00:57:47It's a bum bump

00:57:48What?

00:57:50What the fuck

00:57:51What the fuck is a bum bump man?

00:57:53A bum

00:57:55A bum

00:57:56A bum

00:58:06Hold up

00:58:07Hold up

00:58:08I gotta get it out

00:58:10I gotta get it out

00:58:11Hold up

00:58:12Hold up

00:58:12What the fuck

00:58:14What the fuck is that man?

00:58:16It's a bum bump

00:58:17How the fuck you let a bum

00:58:18Touch your lip?

00:58:20I thought he was trying

00:58:20To tell me a secret

00:58:22What?

00:58:23What the fuck

00:58:24Was a bum

00:58:25Trying to tell you?

00:58:26He tricked me

00:58:27He was like

00:58:28Hey man

00:58:28I said

00:58:29Huh?

00:58:29He got me

00:58:34Get fire on these bitches

00:58:36One time man

00:58:42A fucking bum bump

00:58:44Watch

00:58:45Watch how y'all look at bums

00:58:47When y'all leave the show

00:58:47Watch

00:58:49Watch

00:58:50Watch

00:58:50Watch how defensive y'all are

00:58:52Excuse me man

00:58:53Can you spare some change?

00:58:55Nigga

00:58:55What the

00:58:57Hey man

00:58:58You better get your ass

00:58:59Out of here

00:58:59Nigga

00:59:00You out here

00:59:01Trying to flick lips

00:59:02Cause

00:59:04You out here

00:59:05Trying to give a nigga

00:59:05A bum bump

00:59:06Nigga

00:59:06I know what you

00:59:07You ain't gonna give me

00:59:12No bum bump

00:59:12Nigga

00:59:13You better get the fuck

00:59:13Out of here man

00:59:15Knock your ass out man

00:59:18I don't want no bum bump

00:59:20No he got my nigga

00:59:21Like that

00:59:21He told him a secret

00:59:22My nigga leaned in

00:59:25Fucked his whole shit up

00:59:26This nigga shit was

00:59:28All bum bumpy

00:59:28For like two weeks

00:59:34I really believe

00:59:34Shit like that can happen

00:59:36I'm a weird thinker people

00:59:38I'm a weird thinker

00:59:40I'm glad that I'm a weird thinker though

00:59:43Me being a weird thinker

00:59:44Has made me a better man

00:59:46Has made me a better father

00:59:48Let me explain you how

00:59:48It's made me a better father

00:59:49Okay

00:59:50Me thinking about my kids

00:59:51Eventually having a stepdad

00:59:52Is what made me a better father

00:59:54Cause now

00:59:54Not only is it important for me

00:59:56To make sure that I'm around

00:59:57But I need them to understand

00:59:58Who I am

00:59:59What I represent to their lives

01:00:00Now

01:00:01Cause I see them so much

01:00:02I notice everything

01:00:02Like my son

01:00:03My son is at this

01:00:05Imagination stage

01:00:06Like

01:00:06I thought this shit was a phase

01:00:07It's not

01:00:08It's not going away

01:00:08Like my son really thinks

01:00:10That he's Spider-Man

01:00:12On some real shit

01:00:13Like when he gets mad

01:00:14He webs me

01:00:16Now

01:00:17Because I'm dead

01:00:18I just go along with it

01:00:19I act like I'm caught

01:00:23This shit makes me laugh

01:00:24This is how he releases me

01:00:25From the web

01:00:28And he walks on

01:00:29Shit's hilarious

01:00:30Now it's me and my son

01:00:32We're bonding

01:00:32See but as a parent

01:00:34You don't realize the effect

01:00:35That you have on your kids

01:00:36Whatever you do in the house

01:00:37Your kids are going to mimic

01:00:39When they're outside the house

01:00:40I learned this lesson the hard way

01:00:42I go pick my son up from camp

01:00:43Right

01:00:44My son is outside

01:00:45Arguing with this little boy

01:00:47Over a truck

01:00:48I'm watching

01:00:49I'm not going to break it up

01:00:50I want my son to be a boy

01:00:51Let me see how he handles himself

01:00:52Little boy takes the truck

01:00:53From my son

01:00:54My son gets mad

01:00:56Takes the truck back

01:00:57Mine

01:00:57Little boy comes back

01:00:59Punches my son

01:01:00In the back of the head

01:01:02My son falls

01:01:03This boy starts

01:01:03Whooping my son's ass

01:01:06Listen

01:01:06I don't know who was

01:01:07Training this little boy

01:01:08But they were doing

01:01:09An amazing job

01:01:10This boy could fucking fight

01:01:11Okay

01:01:12I'm not going to break it up

01:01:13I'm going to let my son

01:01:13Take his ass with him

01:01:14He'll learn from it

01:01:15I'm watching

01:01:16I see this with my own two eyes

01:01:17My son gets mad

01:01:18Rolls over

01:01:23What the fuck are you doing man

01:01:27It's not real

01:01:27What are you doing

01:01:29The parents is looking at me

01:01:30Why would you teach him that

01:01:31Why would you even teach him that

01:01:34I run over

01:01:35I grab the little boy off

01:01:36Of my son

01:01:37This is the longest walk

01:01:38Back to the car

01:01:39That I've ever had

01:01:39With my son in my life

01:01:40He just kept looking at his hands

01:01:42He was like

01:01:47I don't know what happened dad

01:01:48I don't know what happened

01:01:49So I get mad

01:01:51I'm like dude

01:01:51If somebody's fucking hitting you

01:01:53You ball your fists up

01:01:54You hit them back

01:01:55You don't let nobody hit you

01:01:56You ball your fists up

01:01:57You hit them back

01:01:58Now he doesn't like it

01:01:59When I come down on him

01:02:00So he got mad

01:02:01He wet me

01:02:03Now when he wet me

01:02:04I had a choice to make

01:02:05Do I act like the game

01:02:06That my son believes in

01:02:07Isn't real

01:02:07And no longer exists

01:02:08And fuck his imagination up

01:02:10Or do I allow his imagination

01:02:11To continue to run wild

01:02:12He's five

01:02:13I said I'm gonna let his imagination

01:02:15Run wild

01:02:15Act like I was caught

01:02:16Nah

01:02:17Nah

01:02:19This is what I heard

01:02:21This is what my son said

01:02:24I had it turned off dad

01:02:26I said what the fuck

01:02:31Is going on here

01:02:35Dude my kids are hilarious man

01:02:38I got stories for days

01:02:39About my kids

01:02:39I took my kids horseback riding

01:02:42Right

01:02:42This might have been like

01:02:43The best worst day

01:02:44That I've ever had

01:02:45With my kids in my life

01:02:46I wanted to find a place

01:02:47That was suitable for kids

01:02:48And adults

01:02:48So we could make a day out of it

01:02:50I found this ranch

01:02:51Right

01:02:52Me

01:02:52My kids

01:02:53My brother

01:02:53My friends

01:02:54We all go

01:02:55We get there

01:02:56They got ponies

01:02:57My kids get on the ponies

01:02:58There's a smaller trail

01:03:00At the ranch

01:03:00They ride the ponies

01:03:01Around a smaller trail

01:03:02Me

01:03:02My brother

01:03:03My friends

01:03:03We go on the big horses

01:03:04We gonna do the big trail

01:03:06Okay

01:03:07Here's

01:03:07Here's what happened

01:03:08Everybody gets on their horse

01:03:09They got their feet

01:03:10In the stirrups

01:03:11They're ready to go

01:03:11I'm last to get on my horse

01:03:13Cause I was filling out the paperwork

01:03:14I'm paying for the shit

01:03:15I get on my horse

01:03:16Here's strike one for me

01:03:18I go to put my feet

01:03:19In the stirrups

01:03:20Right

01:03:21Okay

01:03:22Okay

01:03:22This was the problem

01:03:23Like if I put this foot in

01:03:24This foot wasn't gonna make it

01:03:26I couldn't

01:03:27I couldn't get them both in

01:03:28Right

01:03:29So I tell the guy

01:03:30I said hey man

01:03:30I think I need some smaller stirrups

01:03:32He's like don't worry about it

01:03:33You don't need them

01:03:33I was like

01:03:34Yes I do

01:03:35Cause everybody else has them

01:03:36I'm gonna look like everybody else

01:03:37He's like trust me

01:03:38You'll be alright

01:03:39I was like

01:03:40I don't trust you

01:03:40I wanna look like everybody else

01:03:42He said look

01:03:43Do you wanna talk to the instructor

01:03:44I said yes

01:03:45I'll talk to the instructor

01:03:46Keep in mind

01:03:47The instructor

01:03:48Is why I chose this ranch

01:03:49This guy's supposed to be like a horse guru

01:03:51He's gonna teach us how to physically control a horse

01:03:53He's gonna teach us the verbal commands

01:03:55And he personally

01:03:56Was gonna take us on the trail

01:03:57Problem with this guy is

01:03:58He cannot speak English people

01:04:00Okay

01:04:01I can't make this shit up

01:04:02This is the speech that he gave

01:04:04Before we started the trail

01:04:05Word for word

01:04:06He goes

01:04:08Okay

01:04:11Okay

01:04:13Okay

01:04:14Okay

01:04:16Okay

01:04:19Okay

01:04:20Okay

01:04:20You wanna suck

01:04:21You wanna go back like that

01:04:23Like that

01:04:24Go back

01:04:24I'll kick it

01:04:25Like that

01:04:26Kick it twice

01:04:27Like that

01:04:28Alright

01:04:29Let's rock

01:04:34The fuck did he say

01:04:35Did you hear what he said

01:04:37Hey man

01:04:38You gotta say it again for me

01:04:39I ain't understand what you said

01:04:40This I knew is bullshit

01:04:41He's at the same thing

01:04:42The exact same way

01:04:43He's like

01:04:44Okay

01:04:46Okay

01:04:47Okay

01:04:48Okay

01:04:49Alright

01:04:49Okay

01:04:51Okay

01:04:52You wanna suck

01:04:53You wanna go back like that

01:04:55Like that

01:04:55Go back

01:04:56I'll kick it

01:04:57Like that

01:04:57Kick twice

01:04:59Like that

01:05:00Alright

01:05:00Let's ride

01:05:03I said

01:05:04We gonna fucking die

01:05:04We about to die

01:05:06My friend said

01:05:07Can't stop bitching

01:05:08Let's just go

01:05:09Keep in mind

01:05:09I have no stability

01:05:10My feet are just dangling

01:05:12From the side of the horse

01:05:14I have nothing to hold on to

01:05:15Except this little stump thing

01:05:17In the middle of the fucking saddle

01:05:18I said fine

01:05:19I ain't gonna say shit else

01:05:20Let's go

01:05:21My horse

01:05:22Starts to trot

01:05:23He's not running people

01:05:24He's trotting

01:05:25I have no balance

01:05:26So I'm all over the place

01:05:28I'm like this

01:05:28Right

01:05:29My feet kick the horse

01:05:31In the stomach

01:05:31That's a sign

01:05:33For your horse

01:05:33To speed up

01:05:34My horse

01:05:35Takes off

01:05:37Listen to me people

01:05:38This nigga

01:05:40Took off

01:05:41Now I'm scared

01:05:42Cause I don't know

01:05:43What to do with my feet

01:05:44At one point in time

01:05:45I panicked

01:05:45Had my feet

01:05:46On his neck

01:05:47Like I was like this

01:05:48Right

01:05:49I was like this

01:05:50But I couldn't hear shit

01:05:51Cause the wind was blowing

01:05:52It was like

01:05:54I hear my friends

01:05:55In the back

01:05:55They're like

01:05:56Oh

01:05:58Oh

01:05:58I don't know

01:06:00What they're saying

01:06:01I assume

01:06:02That they're saying

01:06:03Let go

01:06:04That's what I think

01:06:05They're saying

01:06:05Let go

01:06:06So I said

01:06:07Fuck it

01:06:08Jesus take the wheel

01:06:10Right

01:06:11I roll off

01:06:12Like a black ass

01:06:13Tumbleweed

01:06:14Back

01:06:15My

01:06:15The horse

01:06:16Keeps going

01:06:17My friends

01:06:18My brother

01:06:18The instructor

01:06:19Everybody pulls up

01:06:20Next to me

01:06:21It's at a point

01:06:21Where I'm pissed

01:06:22I'm like

01:06:23Y'all I'm not doing

01:06:23This shit no more

01:06:24I'm out

01:06:24Fuck this trail

01:06:25I'm done

01:06:26I'm going back

01:06:27I'm getting my kids

01:06:28I'm walking back

01:06:28To the hotel

01:06:29My boy Spank was like

01:06:30Kev you can't

01:06:31Fucking walk back

01:06:32We've been riding

01:06:33For 25 minutes

01:06:34It's going to take you

01:06:34Like an hour

01:06:35To walk back

01:06:36I said fine

01:06:36I looked at the instructor

01:06:38I said well you're

01:06:38Going to take me

01:06:39You're going to take me

01:06:40Back right now

01:06:40He puts his arm down

01:06:41Like this

01:06:42Grabs me

01:06:43Pulls me

01:06:43Picks me up

01:06:44Puts me on the back

01:06:45Of his horse

01:06:45This is why

01:06:47I will never ride a horse

01:06:48Again in my life

01:06:49People

01:06:49For 25 minutes

01:06:50For 25

01:06:52God damn minutes

01:06:53I'm on the back

01:06:54Of this nigga's horse

01:07:05I turn around

01:07:06My friends think

01:07:07It's funny

01:07:08They taking pictures

01:07:09Right

01:07:09I said put the camera up

01:07:11Put the god damn camera up

01:07:13The instructor

01:07:13Kicked the horse

01:07:14In the stomach

01:07:14The horse start running

01:07:16He reaches around

01:07:17Grabs my lower back

01:07:18He starts pulling me in

01:07:19Right

01:07:21Now I'm scared

01:07:22So I can't let go

01:07:23So I got my arms

01:07:24Around the stomach

01:07:24I'm fucking the shit

01:07:26Out of this nigga

01:07:27In his back

01:07:28He speed up

01:07:29I speed up

01:07:30I gave him like

01:07:3175 pumps

01:07:34The shit that piss me off

01:07:35While I'm in mid pump

01:07:36He gonna turn around

01:07:37And go

01:07:37Let's ride

01:07:39I said man get the fuck

01:07:40Off of me

01:07:40New York

01:07:41It's been real

01:07:42My name is Cav Hart

01:07:43I fucking love y'all man

01:07:46I appreciate you

01:07:47Thank you

01:07:48Get fire on these bitches

01:07:50One more time man

01:07:52Thank you New York

01:07:54Thank you

01:07:57Thank you

01:08:01Thank you

01:08:05Before I go

01:08:06I'm gonna end on a

01:08:08On a fucking

01:08:09A note from the heart

01:08:11Right now

01:08:13And I'm gonna try

01:08:14Not to be a bitch

01:08:14And get emotional up here

01:08:16Dude

01:08:17I am now

01:08:19One of few

01:08:20To fucking perform

01:08:21As a stand up comedian

01:08:23In Madison

01:08:24Fucking square garden

01:08:29Hey

01:08:31Listen to me

01:08:33Listen to me

01:08:34You have no idea

01:08:36The fucking feeling

01:08:38That I have

01:08:39Going through my body

01:08:39Right now man

01:08:40This is a fucking dream

01:08:43Come true

01:08:49Hey

01:08:51This is a fucking dream

01:08:53Come true man

01:08:54Thank you for being loyal

01:08:56Thank you for growing with me

01:08:58Thank you for fucking enjoying me

01:09:00My name is Cav Hart

01:09:02I love y'all

01:09:03I love y'all

01:09:05I love y'all

01:09:07I love y'all

01:09:09I love y'all

01:09:11I love y'all

01:09:13I love y'all

01:09:14I love y'all

01:09:15I love y'all

01:09:17I love y'all

01:09:18I love y'all

01:09:19I love y'all

01:09:20I love y'all

01:09:25I love y'all

01:09:26I love y'all

01:09:27I love y'all

01:09:31I love y'all

01:09:32I love y'all

01:09:33I love y'all

01:09:43Here we go, I'm going to take it, I'm going to break it, I'm going to take it, I'm going

01:09:49to break it.

01:09:58Go round, go round, go round, go round.

01:10:02Go round, go round, go round.

01:10:03Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it.

01:10:10Get it, get it, get it, get it.

01:10:13Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it.

01:10:21Right now we're on a bear bike.

01:10:23For those who don't know what a bear bike is, it's a bike with bear warmth.

01:10:27We're about to pedal this bitch.

01:10:28Everybody, let's go.

01:10:31We gotta get up the speed bump.

01:10:33Easy, we up here, we easy, we got this.

01:10:35This is, this is night work.

01:10:36Hell out!

01:10:38Hell out!

01:10:39Hell out!

01:10:40Halt!

01:10:40Halt on the pedal it.

01:10:42Halt!

01:10:42I'm tired.

01:10:44I'm done.

01:10:44You're on a fight, man.

01:10:46You're on a fight.

01:10:47That's right, it's me.

01:10:49This is me, people.

01:10:50We're on a fight, man.

01:10:52We're on, we're on, we're on, we're on.

01:10:56We're on, we're on, we're on, we're on, we're on, we're on, we're on.

01:11:01Ah, shit.

01:11:02We can't go right.

01:11:04Oh, shit!

01:11:05I gotta pick it up!

01:11:06Go!

01:11:07Pick it up!

01:11:08What the fuck are you doing?

01:11:12Oh, shit.

01:11:14Can I have a chicken?

01:11:16Oh, that's fine.

01:11:18It's a bad pepper.

01:11:18It's a bit hard.

01:11:21Joe, you gotta tell her, look.

01:11:26Oh, she just noticed.

01:11:28Oh, Joe.

01:11:29Oh, Joe.

01:11:33Aww.

01:11:34Aww.

01:11:36Can I get a picture with you?

01:11:37Of course you can get a picture.

01:11:39Of course you can.

01:11:42I wanted to go to your show, but I don't have a picture.

01:11:45I got tickets for you.

01:11:47Really?

01:11:48I got tickets for you.

01:11:49Yes, I do.

01:11:51So, if you hit the wickets, that's bold.

01:11:54Okay.

01:11:55When he throws the wicket, he hits one bout,

01:11:57and he hits that wood, that person's out.

01:12:00Out.

01:12:04Hey, don't hit me with that fucking ball, man.

01:12:06You got all the protection, Hendricks.

01:12:08Except for your face.

01:12:17That's an out!

01:12:19That's an out!

01:12:20That's an out!

01:12:21That's an out!

01:12:22That's it?

01:12:23That's it?

01:12:24That's it?

01:12:24That's an out!

01:12:25What the fuck is that?

01:12:28Why didn't you swing?

01:12:30Excuse me, sir.

01:12:32Do you know who Kevin Hart is?

01:12:34Ma'am?

01:12:35All right, these dudes and girls are going to know me right here.

01:12:37Excuse me, ladies.

01:12:38It's me.

01:12:39No, no, it's me.

01:12:40No, no.

01:12:42This is...

01:12:43Damn it!

01:12:45Shit!

01:12:46How you doing, sir?

01:12:47My name's Kevin Hart.

01:12:47I'm a famous comedian.

01:12:51Kevin Hart.

01:12:54How you doing?

01:12:55Yes, dude.

01:12:56Ha!

01:12:57So for everybody in the States that bootlegged it and didn't think it got anywhere, it made

01:13:02it to London, you bitch!

01:13:03London!

01:13:04We love you, dog!

01:13:04It was fantastic.

01:13:06I love you, Kevin.

01:13:07Kevin Hart ripped it.

01:13:08You don't know.

01:13:08Listen, Kev, any time come down and you're welcome to London.

01:13:12Woo!

01:13:13That was fire.

01:13:14Woo!

01:13:14That was fire.

01:13:15That was fire.

01:13:15Kevin Hart in London.

01:13:16Kevin Hart in London.

01:13:17Kevin Hart.

01:13:17I stood there and my sides were hurting where I laughed so hard.

01:13:22Seriously.

01:13:25Yeah.

01:13:26Come on, man.

01:13:27You got us running all over the city, man.

01:13:30Come on!

01:13:35Nobody asks me nothing no more.

01:13:37I do everything myself.

01:13:41Man, where you go?

01:13:42Oh, I feel right.

01:13:44Ow!

01:13:46Is there a phone booth in there?

01:13:48Ain't no phone booth in there.

01:13:49How you changed that for?

01:13:50Don't nobody ask me if I'm nervous either, cause I'm not!

01:13:52Hey, man.

01:13:52I knock your ass out.

01:13:53And my hands ain't sweaty, so don't try to touch them.

01:13:56Don't touch it.

01:13:57And I don't have a swamp ass.

01:13:58Lies.

01:13:59What you ain't talking about?

01:14:00Huh?

01:14:01Huh?

01:14:01It's G shit up here, homie.

01:14:03I'll just be my friends and shake it up, cause it's go time right now.

01:14:07Huh?

01:14:07I'm pumped up, baby.

01:14:09You hear me?

01:14:10I'm ready for this life.

01:14:11Huh?

01:14:12I'm so ready for this.

01:14:14Close them up, Joey.

01:14:15That's what I'm talking about.

01:14:16You know what we do.

01:14:17That was last year.

01:14:18Yeah.

01:14:18Let's go.

01:14:19Break it down, homie.

01:14:20Ha, ha, ha, ha.

01:14:22Cha, cha, cha, cha.

01:14:23What?

01:14:23What are you doing?

01:14:24She messes up.

01:14:25I didn't forget it cause I'm nervous.

01:14:26What is he doing?

01:14:28Ain't nobody forget nothing!

01:14:29No.

01:14:29It's show time now!

01:14:32Hey, I'm about to explain, baby!

01:14:34I'm sorry.

01:14:47What is he doing?!

01:14:53I don't know.

01:14:53I can't do it.

01:14:53I can do it...

Kevin Hart - Let Me Explain [13]

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