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00:02Música
00:35Hi, hello, and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38People often stop me in the street and say,
00:41taking part in this show looks so much fun, Greg.
00:44When are you going to do a version for non-celebrities?
00:46And I always give them the same response.
00:49I turn my head away and I immediately cross the road.
00:52If they follow me, I contact the police
00:54and I fabricate a crime that results in, bare minimum,
00:57a suspended sentence.
01:00Now, let's meet the special people who are better than you
01:04and your silly families.
01:06They are Alan Davis,
01:10Desiree Burch,
01:12Gus Khan,
01:14Morgana Robinson,
01:16and Victoria Corrin-Mitchell.
01:19Next to me, a man who is more than just a PA.
01:23He's a P-A-I-N.
01:25And he's always got his hands down his P-A-N-T-S,
01:29because he's got an R-A-S-H.
01:32It's...
01:33A-I-N-T-S-H-A-N-T-S-H!
02:00He's just fading away.
02:02Yep!
02:04Right!
02:05On with the prize task.
02:06Got it.
02:07And this time you've asked them to bring in the most ridiculous thin thing.
02:11Now, I've seen some ridiculous thin things in my life and I'm about to see some more,
02:14so it's a great day for me.
02:16There are five points for the most ridiculous thin thing and all five of the ridiculous thin
02:19things will eventually go home with tonight's winner.
02:21It's great stuff.
02:22Desiree, what ridiculous thin thing will you present to me?
02:26They are these trunks that when you get them wet in the water, they sort of dissipate.
02:31They just come off of you.
02:32Dissolving pants.
02:33Yes.
02:33Desiree, here they are.
02:34They look like normal pants.
02:36Get them wet.
02:36Get them wet.
02:37Get them wet.
02:37It's all apart.
02:38It's such a shame that you've introduced those on this show, because I genuinely would
02:42buy those for Alex.
02:45I'd love for your truth to be revealed to the public.
02:48My truth?
02:48Yeah.
02:49I've always called it my truth.
02:50I call it my truth as well.
02:52It's a strong opener, I would say, Desiree.
02:55A strong opener.
02:56All right.
02:56Morgana.
02:56Dissolving pants?
02:58No, but I have brought with me today the most ridiculous thin thing I could find,
03:04which is Vic Reeves' beard hair.
03:07Oh.
03:07And we can see it, I think, being plucked from the face of Vic Reeves.
03:11Take your pick.
03:12Go on.
03:13Did you get it?
03:14Cool.
03:15Put it in.
03:16Oh!
03:18Okay.
03:18Wow.
03:19You're just in a pub there?
03:22Yeah, just met up at co-op.
03:24The video was ridiculous.
03:26So ridiculous.
03:26What you were wearing was ridiculous.
03:28Yeah.
03:28The concept's ridiculous.
03:29Is the hair ridiculous?
03:31Hmm.
03:32I was trying to start a heated debate, but no one gives a shit.
03:36Gus.
03:37Hi.
03:38Can you beat your hair?
03:39Can you beat some dissolving pants?
03:40Who knows?
03:41I actually think they're both very good.
03:43But I chose this in particular to please one person and one person only, and that is you.
03:48Well done.
03:49Thank you.
03:50Have a look.
03:50There it is.
03:51It's a picture of this person.
03:52Oh.
03:53Let me explain.
03:55If we weren't in a pandemic, I'm sure a genuinely plausible task of his might be to take us all
04:01to a very crowded place.
04:02Alton Towers in the summer full of kids all shitting all over the place.
04:05And he would say, in as quickly as you can, search for me.
04:10On school trips.
04:11You've seen kids shitting themselves.
04:13One kid when we were in primary school on a log flume never lived it down.
04:16What was his name?
04:16Shitty Sajid.
04:19And he started saying the name before you'd even asked him for the name.
04:24Um, Alan.
04:25I've brought in an LP.
04:26Final LP from the 1980s.
04:28That's it.
04:29It's a time when I was a student.
04:31It's a time when Nelson Mandela was still in prison.
04:34The Berlin Wall was still up.
04:36Keep it light.
04:37And I chose to buy in 1987.
04:41Popped in, sold out by Wet Wet Wet.
04:43Here it is.
04:44Popped in, sold out.
04:45Wet Wet Wet.
04:47What's your favourite wet, wet, wet song, Alex?
04:50I liked it when they were wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet.
04:52You know they had five wets for a while.
04:54Yeah.
04:55Then they cut it down.
04:57Yeah.
04:58OK, Victoria.
04:59I have brought in something that I made.
05:03Oh, Christ.
05:04Let's have a look.
05:05OK, here it is.
05:06There it is.
05:07Now...
05:10Oh.
05:11Oh, well done.
05:12You remember some time ago, I brought in the most elegant thing beginning with G. Greedy Esquire.
05:19But he's thin.
05:20Should we just have a look at him?
05:21Yes, we can see that.
05:22There we go.
05:22There we go.
05:25You ridiculed him.
05:26I don't find him ridiculous.
05:27I don't think he's at all ridiculous.
05:29But you find him ridiculous.
05:30Let's see you put me last now.
05:32Right.
05:32Very good.
05:33Sophie, you don't mind me saying, somewhat aggressively submitting.
05:37Mr. Greedy Esquire again.
05:39The most ridiculous thin thing.
05:41Which I...
05:41I'm going to dot my invisible cap to her.
05:44Checkmate.
05:45Or doff it.
05:45Oh.
05:46Yep.
05:47Yep.
05:48Right, this is easy.
05:49Sorry, Guz.
05:50Where's Wally?
05:51It's not ridiculous enough for me.
05:52I genuinely would expect to see Alex wearing that outfit of his own volition.
05:59I feel mean about this, but a single hair on its own in isolation is not that ridiculous.
06:03Even though Vic Reeves is one of the most ridiculous people there is.
06:07Two points to Morgana and her mouth is wide open.
06:09I'm not going to make the Wet Wet Wet Album the most ridiculous thing.
06:12It's undeniably thin.
06:14It's undeniably ridiculous.
06:15And there's a bit of quality on there as well.
06:18Three points to Alan.
06:19Four points to Desiree.
06:20And really, because I imagined them dissolving off you.
06:24Ah.
06:25Victoria, with an absolute masterful hand by a poker professional.
06:30Oh, wow.
06:30She takes the five points with Mr. Greedy Esquire.
06:32Five points to Victoria.
06:34Five points.
06:35All right then, come on, let's see some action.
06:37Yes, and let's see a spot of DIY action.
06:52These look kind of like billiard balls, but not.
06:55Billiard balls?
06:56I guess.
06:57I don't even know what it is in this country, actually.
07:01I don't know.
07:03Snooker.
07:03Sorry.
07:04Or snooker.
07:05Or snooker.
07:05Put up a shelf for all the taskmaster's snooker balls.
07:10Snooker.
07:10Whatever.
07:11All the taskmaster's snooker balls must be at the taskmaster's eye line.
07:16Only the taskmaster's snooker balls may be on the finished shelf.
07:22Fastest wins.
07:23Your time starts now.
07:25Put up a shelf.
07:26Yes, please.
07:27How tall is he?
07:28I'm not sure.
07:29He seems tall.
07:30Six foot.
07:32Six.
07:33I'm going to go and Google how tall he is.
07:36All right.
07:36Have you got a phone?
07:38Yes.
07:38Can you Google for me?
07:40Okay.
07:40Tell me what to type in.
07:41How tall is Greg?
07:44How tall is...
07:46Greg?
07:48Greg Davies.
07:49Are we spelling that?
07:53How tall is Greg from Taskmaster?
07:55Okay.
07:58Right.
07:59Morgana appears not to be 100% sure who I am.
08:03I am now.
08:05Good.
08:07Desiree says snooker.
08:11Like cooker.
08:12It's hard to know which British pronunciations of, you know, your language are the ones that
08:17you follow because is it book?
08:20Look?
08:21Snook?
08:21Snook is not a word.
08:23Snicker?
08:24In any land.
08:25Okay.
08:25Fine.
08:26Snooker.
08:26What's first on our agenda?
08:28Move over, Handy Andy and Craig from Big Brother.
08:31Make way for Handy Morgandy and Victoria from Only Connect.
08:34Here we go.
08:35I don't...
08:36What?
08:40You seem quite outraged.
08:42I don't know how you put up a shelf.
08:44A shelf?
08:45A shelf, please.
08:47Can I use a shelf that's already been made?
08:51Well, just move that.
09:08Work with me, guys.
09:10Put that there.
09:13His eyeliner's gonna be up there, isn't it?
09:17Oh.
09:27The shelf is up.
09:29Nothing on there but the Taskmaster's walls.
09:31Shall I stop the clock?
09:32Stop.
09:33Thank you very much.
09:34Thanks, Victoria.
09:40Oh, that doesn't work.
09:53Ah!
09:56I think what we need is just a little bit of texture.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Okay, please.
10:02Oh, you're an arsehole!
10:12Oh!
10:16Why don't I just do it the other way round?
10:20Look at this!
10:28I think this is gonna be all right, you know.
10:30Yeah?
10:32If I don't hear anything drop, I reckon it means they've stayed up there.
10:39Time stops.
10:40Is that it?
10:42I've stopped the clock.
10:44That'll do.
10:50Incredibly competent by Victoria.
10:52Mm-hm.
10:52Found some shelves.
10:54Put the snooker balls on the shelf.
10:55Now, the only thing I would notice is it's a good job you are as short as you are,
10:59because in the opening seconds you would have chopped your own head off.
11:04Yes.
11:04That was the closest we've come to a serious injury on the shelf.
11:08Morgana, similar technique, find some shelves, bring them out,
11:13but then you added, smash the shelves to pieces.
11:16You turned it upside down, you called it an arsehole.
11:20Actually, I thought it was a ball I was calling an arsehole.
11:22But ultimately settled on the cushion system.
11:25Yes, and actually all that work did mean it was closer to your eye line, Greg.
11:29Yeah.
11:29Because Victoria's was very quick.
11:30Hey!
11:30Ah!
11:31Victoria's was quick but more so a chin line.
11:33It was 71.5cm to me.
11:34Because you are tall, aren't you?
11:37Let's see how Alan and Desiree went about it.
11:40Here we go.
11:40What do I get to make the shelf out of?
11:42Whatever you want, Desiree.
11:43OK.
11:44Might need this.
11:46Have you got anything that's six foot six tall?
11:48I'm six foot two.
11:50Put it on you.
11:52They're not going anywhere.
11:54Fastest wins.
11:54I know, I know, come on.
11:57Six foot 180, right?
11:59OK.
11:59I mean, it's hard to believe that that's where his eyes are.
12:01But I think they probably are about there.
12:03This was the initial plan.
12:05Yeah.
12:05Sucker butt.
12:06OK.
12:07Are you still trying to say snookable?
12:08Yeah.
12:10I think you could probably hang that up there.
12:16There's a little gravity.
12:21So I'm going to try and put it on something.
12:23It's a different strategy.
12:24Yeah.
12:28Aw, Jeebus!
12:33I feel the shelf coming on.
12:34I can feel the shelf coming on.
12:45OK.
12:46No one lost an eye.
12:49Do you want me to stop the clock?
12:51I think so.
12:53I'm doing this again.
12:54I think so.
12:56There's just the snooker balls and a little bit of soil on that shelf.
13:00So you want me to stop the clock?
13:02Yes.
13:02Yes, I desperately want you to stop the clock.
13:04I've stopped the clock.
13:06I like your shelf.
13:11What I love was the cock leg system.
13:15Yeah.
13:15It felt like this was cheating, but this was now in play.
13:19Did you forget where you'd put the table?
13:25I know that table's here somewhere.
13:28I guess I'll have to estimate.
13:31Alan, when you got the tray out, I thought,
13:33oh, OK, that's really clever, because the balls are contained.
13:37Of a hundred ideas, that was the one good one.
13:39And then you attempted to turn it into some sort of cradle hanging from the fence.
13:44Then you just gave up and you just piled a load of rubbish up
13:46and stuck the balls on top.
13:47Yeah, it's getting dark.
13:50I mean, Jasper is the only person who's entered into the spirit of this, really,
13:53in that she did attempt to build a shelf.
13:56No, I attempted to.
14:00Who's left?
14:01It's just Guz Khan left.
14:04Yes.
14:04Here we go.
14:08That's the cupboard door.
14:11What is the definition of a shelf?
14:14Definition of a shelf?
14:15Yeah.
14:16A flat length of wood or other rigid material attached to a wall
14:20or forming part of a piece of furniture that provides a surface for the storage
14:24or display of objects.
14:26Technically, you said attached to a wall, right?
14:30Providing something.
14:31It's touching two surfaces.
14:33Technically, it's attached.
14:34It's quite a big shelf.
14:36You said a flat piece of wood and you know what's going on above here?
14:40Flat piece of wood, that.
14:44I'm just expecting more of a challenge too much with you, bro.
14:46I want to go here for you, bro.
14:49I believe that's what you call a shelf with all the Taskmaster's snooker balls on.
14:54Stop the coat.
14:55Thank you, Guz.
14:56Thank you.
15:00You've got the definition of a shelf and you were happy with it.
15:03That was not just a door or a piece of wood.
15:06It had an accompanying rail of...
15:08You might call them coat hangers, yeah?
15:10But you can display any number of objects on those coat hangers,
15:14like pictures of your family and friends, G-strings, whatever you want.
15:18It's entirely up to you what you want to display up there.
15:20But of the many things you could display,
15:22you went with pictures of your family and friends or G-strings.
15:26Two sides of the pendulum in it, like just whatever you want up there, right?
15:29Yeah, yeah.
15:30And then on top of that, I believe there was a flat surface constructed of wood,
15:34which had all your balls very nicely displayed
15:37and was also completely attached to the fence.
15:40So that was the result of what we had.
15:42I mean, he's absolutely captivating, isn't he?
15:45We all saw with our own eyes he just leaned a couple of things up against the fence and balls
15:48from the balls.
15:49And yet I'm totally drawn in by the man.
15:52LAUGHTER
15:53So Desiree was the slowest, 19 minutes with the cock system.
15:57Morgana, 17 minutes. Alan, 13 minutes. Guz was seven minutes.
16:01But Victoria, just three minutes.
16:03Very speedy with her dragging the shelves.
16:05Yeah.
16:06But it was the lowest of the shelves, the furthest from the eyes.
16:09Well, if you penalise me for that, that's literally physical discrimination.
16:13Soviet.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:17So are you going to change the points at all for eye level-ness?
16:20Give them the five to one points according to speed.
16:23But then...
16:23Right.
16:24I think we should score it again according to...
16:26Eyeline height.
16:27Eyeline height.
16:28Then I think we should divide the scores by two.
16:30So your eye line is 76 inches.
16:32Yep.
16:33Desiree's was 77.
16:34Then we have Alan's at 77.5.
16:36Morgana's was 78 inches.
16:38Then Guz's was at 73 inches.
16:41Victoria's 71.5.
16:42So she would just get the one point there.
16:44So, these four people all get three points
16:47because Morgana's was rounded up from two and a half.
16:49Lovely.
16:49This guy, Alan Davies...
16:51Who just piled a load of rubbish against the fans.
16:54He got three and a half points, but we're rounding it up to four points.
16:57He wins the task.
16:57That's not fair!
16:59Four points.
17:00OK.
17:01Guess who scores?
17:02And two.
17:03It's an unfamiliar leaderboard because right at the top, with eight points,
17:06it's Victoria Corrin-Mitchell.
17:10Onwards.
17:11Onwards.
17:12Onwards.
17:12And here's a catchy little task for you.
17:27Hello.
17:28Bloons.
17:33Write and perform a 30-second jingle.
17:36You must reach into the barrel to find the subject of your jingle.
17:41Then pop a balloon to discover the instrument that you must play under your jingle.
17:47And spend...
17:48You have 15 minutes.
17:51Your time starts as soon as you've chosen your subject and instrument.
17:54OK.
17:55Choices.
17:56There are choices.
17:58Shall I unwrap it?
18:03Do you know what that is, Alan?
18:04I don't know what it is.
18:06A printer of some sort?
18:08Nearly.
18:09Laminator.
18:12What is this?
18:16I still don't know what this is.
18:18Is this shrimp?
18:20Is this shrimp?
18:23It's got the shit out of me.
18:25Snakes in a can?
18:26Just snakes in a can.
18:27Your jingle is about the snakes in a can.
18:30Victoria?
18:30Yes?
18:31Why are you putting them away?
18:32I don't know really.
18:33For the integrity of the product.
18:35OK.
18:36Oh!
18:38Oh!
18:39Right, I'm going to leave it there.
18:41What about the integrity of the product?
18:43Well, never mind.
18:44It can just be like that.
18:53I don't know why that's funny.
18:57It's on a scroll.
18:59And on a scroll it says, mini drum kit!
19:02A mini drum kit!
19:03That is exactly the kind of musical instrument that I would have wanted if I was doing this task.
19:07Ah!
19:08A stylofoam.
19:09That's a good instrument.
19:11If, you know, if I could play.
19:13Swanee whistle.
19:15Swanee whistle.
19:16Oh.
19:16Have you played the swanee whistle before?
19:18Mm-hmm.
19:18I've got black belt.
19:19OK.
19:22Lovely, er, differentiation between the laminator reactions, I thought.
19:27All father time.
19:28Didn't know what that fangled technology was.
19:33Didn't have the strength to pop a balloon.
19:37Right.
19:38Shall we?
19:39OK.
19:39We have a good range of instruments and products.
19:41Before we see the fruits of their labour, here is an insight into everyone's jingle making process.
19:47That's not a swanee whistle.
19:50Oh!
19:51OK, this is fun.
19:52OK.
19:54This, bro.
19:57This is...
20:03This is not a swanee whistle.
20:05Oh!
20:05I'm thinking of a kazoo!
20:11How do you change the note?
20:12How do you add a jingle to drums?
20:15I am not Phil Collins!
20:21Does it have anything to do with this thing?
20:23Yes.
20:28Maybe a bit quicker?
20:33Sticks.
20:34Who needs sticks?
20:36I'm meant to change note by turning that.
20:38No.
20:39No.
20:48That's funny.
20:51There's nowhere good to put a crab stick that doesn't sound foul.
20:56BUZZ
20:59I'll never better it.
21:00BUZZ
21:06Incredible.
21:07Does?
21:08Instantly, I think yours is going to be the best.
21:11It was...
21:11That was a lot of fun and I did end up buying it to take it home.
21:14It's broke now but...
21:18I'm looking forward to seeing everybody's jingles.
21:21Right.
21:21As you saw, they recorded their music first and then performed the jingle over the top
21:24and the first one we're going to see is for snakes in a can
21:27with a swanee whistle to add a touch of musicality
21:29and it's Morgana's attempt.
21:34BIRDS
21:35Snakes in the Cairn
21:38Snakes.
21:40Snakes.
21:41Snakes in the can
21:41GUN
21:50Snakes
21:52Snakes
21:52Snakes
21:52Snakes
21:52GUN
21:54GUN
21:55Snakes in the...
21:57can
21:57.
22:03.
22:04.
22:05.
22:05.
22:06May I offer up a small criticism?
22:09Yeah.
22:13Would it be fair to say you may have taken the fun out of the product?
22:17I would go for a sort of dirty sort of Berlin vibe, you know.
22:20But that was so cool.
22:22Yeah.
22:23And I just don't see how it's going to accompany the product.
22:26This is where I have the natural advantage.
22:29Because I don't think the aim was to make the jingle the best thing.
22:33It was to make people want the snakes in the can.
22:35Let's see what Victoria, a woman who seconds before this composition
22:40didn't know what her instrument was.
22:42Yes, same product, same musical instrument, different outcome.
22:46Do you know someone who likes a surprise?
22:49Buy them snakes in a can.
22:50See the joy in their eyes.
22:58We had a sunny background designed at great expense, no doubt,
23:02and the demeanour of a funeral director.
23:05It was quite smiley there.
23:08It's less joyful than, do you know someone who's been injured
23:12in an industrial accident?
23:15Need to kill someone.
23:17That genuinely seems to me to be just jolly.
23:21Buy them snakes in a can.
23:22I mean they can't do anything else after the accident.
23:27I'm not seeing what you're seeing.
23:29I think that looks like a jolly person going,
23:31this is going to be fun at a thing.
23:32Right.
23:33There it is.
23:33Well you keep telling yourself that while you nurture your one point.
23:39Next up in trying to sell crab sticks for the drum kit, it's Desiree.
23:48Did you wake up crabby?
23:49Who me?
23:50Yes you.
23:51Well we woke up crabby.
23:52Let me tell you what to do.
23:53Put a crab stick in your face.
23:55We got all the crabs in the same place.
23:57It'll rid you of all your acne and your flap.
23:59The only thing I can't do is be real crab.
24:02Don't ask it to.
24:05Bang on my.
24:06Bang at me.
24:07How else are you going to sell crab sticks?
24:09Not even real crab.
24:10Now that's a jingle.
24:12That's a jingle.
24:14I can see that was better than mine.
24:18So the contestants chose what they wanted behind them on the green screen.
24:21So the skateboarding grandmother, that was all Desiree's inspiration.
24:25Yes, as a child of the 90s every commercial had a skateboarding grandma eating a taco or a Twinkie or
24:30something just like super into it.
24:32So the kids know even grandma thinks it's cool so we better get in on this.
24:36Right.
24:37Let's see some more.
24:38Okay.
24:38Next up it's Alan accompanied by Stylophone.
24:41Yeah.
24:42And this is a big one because we all know the Taskmaster loves his laminators.
24:46Imagine a world without lamination.
24:51Laminate, laminate, just in case you spill.
24:57Laminate, laminate, on your granddad's will.
25:02Oh!
25:05You've gone for a very specific audience.
25:09It would be a nice thing to have playing on a loop outside Funeral Home.
25:15If you're in the reading of a will.
25:19Really good, Alan.
25:21Finally.
25:22Finally, someone else is going to try to sell you a laminator.
25:24This time with drums and me.
25:26It's Guzz.
25:30Uh.
25:32Uh.
25:34Uh.
25:36Pussy bear, excuse me.
25:37These men here, they want a jingle.
25:41But you see me blood, I want to eat Pringles.
25:46Pringles.
25:47Man and man was single.
25:49Single.
25:49Free to mingle.
25:50Mingle.
25:51Back then my ting used to go tingle.
25:53Tingle.
25:54Tingle.
25:56But now, I'm like a laminator.
25:59Bow's blocked constipater.
26:01I'm done with the farce.
26:04Ta-ta, see you later.
26:06Ta-ta, see you later.
26:14So good.
26:16Well, A, you should never use Alex. He destroyed the urban vibe instantly.
26:21Oh, God.
26:23I want to drill down into the narrative, if I may, a little.
26:25As far as I could tell, you initially reminisced about your life as a single man.
26:31Yes.
26:33During which period, your penis...
26:37Your penis regularly tingled.
26:41Yeah, I was eating a lot of Pringles.
26:43He was eating Pringles, he was mingling, and his penis was tingling.
26:46Yeah.
26:46And then...
26:48He laminated his penis.
26:51That's what I got.
26:53Would have been a good health and safety thing, perhaps, but...
26:55In fact, no, when it comes to the laminator,
26:58right at the end of the jingle, Gus simply rhymed the word laminator with constipater.
27:04LAUGHTER
27:05Yeah, it was one of them!
27:06It was a...
27:08It was one of them!
27:10It was a subtle...
27:12Just a subtle product placement.
27:14Walter, you were playing the drums for 14 minutes and then wrote it for one.
27:18LAUGHTER
27:20OK, Greg, we need to mark these jingles.
27:22I don't think I should give anyone one point.
27:24Mm-hm. OK.
27:26I should give Victoria two.
27:28She should thank me for both of them.
27:30I have. I'm going to say zero.
27:32OK, so two to Victoria.
27:33I really loved Gus and Alan.
27:35I'm not convinced that they've reached as broader audience as they might have.
27:39I have to put a gulf between theirs and Victoria.
27:42I'm going to give them both four points.
27:44LAUGHTER
27:46You think there was more joy in Alan's discussion of laminating your granddad's will...
27:51LAUGHTER
27:52...than in my joyful snake exploding out of a can, Alex laughing.
27:56I think that's exactly what he's saying.
27:59LAUGHTER
28:00So, the Lamination Brothers gets four points each.
28:03That's right. I'm going to give Desiree and Morgana a sweet five points each,
28:07because they both made me want to rush out and buy their products.
28:10There we go. Five points to Desiree and Morgana.
28:13APPLAUSE
28:14What's the last task today, please, Alex?
28:17Well, the last task involves a fiendish dilemma, Greg.
28:20And a big old pipe.
28:32MUSIC PLAYS
28:33Out.
28:36Tube in a box.
28:37Yes.
28:40Either get the pipe through the box and everything in it...
28:46Then get the box and everything in it through the pipe.
28:51Or...
28:51Get the box and everything in it through the pipe,
28:54then get the pipe through the box and everything in it.
28:57Get the pipe through the box and everything in it,
29:00then get the box and everything in it through the pipe.
29:03Or get the box and everything in it through the pipe,
29:05then get the pipe through the box and everything in it.
29:10Faster twins, your time starts now.
29:14LAUGHTER
29:15Do you want to talk us through it, then?
29:17I think Desiree's talked us through it enough, hasn't she?
29:19É muito claro o que os rules were.
29:21Olha, é um dia ruim. Você está shovendo tudo a coisa e você está shovendo tudo a coisa, e você
29:24está shovendo tudo tudo a coisa.
29:25Aqui é o que Alan, Desiree e Morgana fizeram.
29:34Oh, você...
29:35F*** isso.
29:37Você está shovendo a pique through isso.
29:42Você já está em tights.
29:44Você já está em tights.
29:45Cool.
29:46Ok.
29:47Ok.
29:47Ok.
29:48So...
29:49Bing, bong, bing.
29:51It gets harder the smaller it gets.
30:02I've got to get that actually through.
30:06Everything's through the pipe.
30:09Get the box and everything in it through the pipe.
30:12It doesn't have to be in the box.
30:14These are definitely footed tights.
30:16Yeah, that's where they like to chair.
30:20I'll just have to get a poker.
30:22Why am I...
30:23How am I going to get this through this pipe?
30:25Dramatically reduce it in size with a bit of rubber action.
30:29Around?
30:29Is that through or do I need to hear these sides now?
30:32I think that's good.
30:40I think I'll go through once I begin the great push, you know.
30:44Oh, no, I've got a blockage.
30:46This would be a good thing to assist in the great push.
30:56It would be a couple of juice, that.
30:58Well, we haven't had the great push yet, have we?
30:59That was part of the great push.
31:02Oh, it's always the sponge.
31:04Oh, look at that.
31:06Damn.
31:09I don't want a relief.
31:12Stop the cock.
31:13I've stopped it.
31:14Oh, well, I'd be amazed if anyone was slower than that.
31:18Good.
31:19What I was most delighted to say is you've already brought the world snooker.
31:24You've already bought the world g-bus.
31:27And now a new catchphrase was born.
31:29You probably don't even remember it, but I noted it.
31:31Bing bong bing.
31:32There it is.
31:34It was a perfect attempt at the task.
31:36You did it quickly as well.
31:3710.15.
31:39Wow.
31:40Oh, wow.
31:40Morgana, it seemed to me that you're a professional,
31:43put things through a pipe and then put the pipe through things.
31:45I like a good prod.
31:46There was even one point where you went,
31:47oh, no, I've got a blockage.
31:48And I thought, oh, good, things have gone wrong for Morgana
31:51on this thing that she's clearly done before.
31:53And you went, it's always the sponge.
31:58She was 12 minutes 48,
32:00so just a couple of minutes slower than Death Ray, but still speedy.
32:02By great contrast, Alan very slowly put all of the things at once
32:06into a pipe and then made multiple references to the great push.
32:13Every time you said it, I thought of the great leap forward,
32:16where communism was introduced across China and resulted in,
32:21famously, millions and millions of deaths.
32:23But I was listening to wet, wet, wet.
32:27Well, also, before that,
32:29you were meant to get the pipe through the box and everything in it.
32:31Yeah.
32:31He just put everything in the box
32:33and then just put the pipe through the box.
32:35Right.
32:36So he didn't really do the things we wanted him to do.
32:38So the great push is one of the most incompetent movements.
32:43Yeah, I think so, yeah.
32:44There are still two people left trying to get the pipe through the box
32:46and everything in it,
32:47then the box and everything in it through the pipe.
32:48Or the box and everything in it through the pipe,
32:50then the pipe through the box and everything in it.
32:52Here's the last two,
32:53Victoria and Guz.
32:55Right, the box and everything in it through the pipe.
32:58That's got to happen first.
32:59Oh.
33:00I'm going to look for a stick.
33:04What's this?
33:05OK.
33:10It's too short.
33:12I'm very resourceful when I'm allowed to leave the table.
33:14I'm allowed to leave the table.
33:15All the information is on the task.
33:17Go back in there.
33:18OK.
33:19Wooden cutlery is what you have in this place.
33:23Right.
33:26Of course, it's not going to go because the six is too short.
33:31Find a spear, brother.
33:32Find a spear.
33:40Let's go.
33:41Come out, you deadl shit.
33:45Are you finished?
33:46Yeah.
33:48Yeah.
33:49And then get the pipe
33:50with a box.
33:53OK.
33:53I've got a longer stick,
33:55a tape measure,
33:56and a snack to reward myself
33:58in case I get it right.
34:00Right.
34:01I'm going to use the orange for leverage.
34:04Come on.
34:05There we go.
34:07Lovely.
34:09There.
34:12I wanted to confidently say
34:14I completed my task,
34:15but I'm not confident about it.
34:17and now it's got to go through
34:19everything.
34:21This is just for safe purposes.
34:29I think technically
34:31I'll finish now.
34:33Shall I stop the talk, please?
34:35Are you finding this erotic?
34:37Yes.
34:39Pants.
34:42OK.
34:43Done.
34:44No, box.
34:44No.
34:45Oh, I've started the clock again.
34:51I've stopped the clock again.
34:53Bye, Guz.
34:54There.
34:55Done.
34:56Stop the clock.
34:57Yes.
34:58Wow.
35:00I don't think Guz ever knew
35:02if he had completed the task
35:03or not, or...
35:04It never matters for Guz, though.
35:06Because the flair of the man
35:08suggests it's all gone perfectly
35:10to plan.
35:11And the audacity of the,
35:13I'm going to call it,
35:14the bazooka move
35:14that you introduced halfway through
35:17was absolutely poetry.
35:19Yeah.
35:19You know, on a drive home,
35:22the wording for this task
35:24kept going through my head.
35:27And, I don't know
35:27how you feel, Victoria,
35:28but I felt like
35:30I needed some kind of assessment.
35:32I was on the phone
35:33to old colleagues,
35:34like, yo, man,
35:35I've got something
35:36wrong with me.
35:37Can you send me
35:38for an assessment?
35:39And they were like,
35:40you've got plenty wrong
35:41with you, mate.
35:42It was a really stressful time
35:43for me to show you
35:44to really mess with my life.
35:46Yeah.
35:48Victoria.
35:49What?
35:53I thought it was excellent.
35:56All right,
35:57I have got a couple
35:57of questions.
35:59Why did you attach
36:00a small fork
36:01to the end
36:01of the pokey stick?
36:02Because the stick
36:03was too short
36:04to push the things
36:05through the pipe,
36:06so it needed an extension.
36:07She did use it
36:08to slice up the sponge
36:09as well.
36:10Yes, I sliced up the sponge.
36:10Okay, resourceful.
36:11Yes.
36:12So she used the tools.
36:13She used her little wooden fork.
36:15She popped it on the end
36:16and, most delightfully of all,
36:18she brought herself
36:19a snack to award herself.
36:21It's often like
36:22watching a famous
36:23five-story with Victoria.
36:24There we are.
36:25Have you put a rat
36:27in my dressing room?
36:29What about some timing?
36:30Yeah, well,
36:30girls and Alan
36:31don't get any points.
36:32Victoria gets three
36:33for her 19 minutes,
36:3416 seconds.
36:35Morgana, four,
36:3512 minutes, 48.
36:36But five points
36:37to Desiree
36:37with 10 minutes, 15.
36:38There it is!
36:40Right, mate.
36:41Let's have a quick look
36:41at the scores.
36:42In this episode,
36:44Victoria's still got
36:44a chance of winning.
36:45She's on 13,
36:46but Desiree's out
36:46in front with 17 points.
36:48Yeah.
36:49Okay.
36:51All right.
36:51It's time for you all
36:52to head to the stage,
36:53first, please,
36:54for the final task
36:54of the show.
36:58Hello,
36:59one and all,
37:00and hello you.
37:01Would you like
37:01Victoria Corn Mitchell
37:02to read the task?
37:03Perfect.
37:06Each person must direct
37:08their fellow contestants
37:10to draw an image.
37:11The drawing director
37:12may only use
37:13the following words.
37:15Line, circle, square,
37:16big, small, up, down,
37:19left, right, middle,
37:20please, bendy.
37:21At the end of one minute,
37:23the drawers must write down
37:24what they think
37:25the image is.
37:26The drawers will receive
37:28one point per correct guess.
37:29The drawing director
37:30will also receive
37:31one point per correct guess.
37:33Most points overall wins.
37:34In each of your folders,
37:36you'll find an image.
37:37That's what you're going
37:38to be directing
37:38the others to draw.
37:39You're not allowed to do
37:40any acting or miming
37:41or saying any other words
37:42or noises.
37:43Okay, so, Alan,
37:44please look inside
37:46your folder.
37:47Mm-hmm.
37:47Your minute to direct
37:49the other drawers starts.
37:53line, bendy, line, bendy,
37:57left, up.
37:59No actions, please, Alan.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:04Middle, line.
38:06Still doing the actions.
38:07LAUGHTER
38:09Bendy, up, left, up, right.
38:12Bendy, up, left,
38:13bendy, up, right.
38:16Desiree, please show Greg.
38:18What I think I've drawn
38:19is a sweaty right boob.
38:22A sweaty right boob?
38:23LAUGHTER
38:24Very specific.
38:25Girls, what did Alan
38:26tell you to draw?
38:27Part of a colon.
38:29LAUGHTER
38:29Well, go on,
38:30what did Alan
38:31tell you to draw?
38:32I've gone for a cheeky vase.
38:35Beautiful vase.
38:36And then finally,
38:37Victoria.
38:37I've got a witch's nose
38:39and teeth.
38:40A lovely witch's nose.
38:42Alan, do you want
38:43to reveal your picture?
38:44Oh, a banana!
38:45It was a banana.
38:47Oh, wow.
38:47What a colossal failure.
38:50LAUGHTER
38:50Yes, it's not easy, this.
38:51You're not going to get
38:52any points for hilarious
38:54things about body parts.
38:56LAUGHTER
38:56Desiree, your minute starts.
38:58WHISTLE BLOWS
38:59Left line.
39:01Down line.
39:03Right line.
39:05Middle line.
39:07Down bendy circle.
39:09Ah, the classic.
39:11Middle square.
39:14Right line, left line.
39:16Right line, left line.
39:17Uh, left square, right square.
39:20Alan, what did Desiree
39:21want you to draw?
39:22A car.
39:23Beautiful.
39:24Beautiful car.
39:25Guys, what did you draw?
39:26Look, man, I don't know
39:27what's going on here.
39:29An angry water cow.
39:31LAUGHTER
39:32Oh, he's so cute, though.
39:34What did you draw?
39:35Well, I thought it sounded
39:36like an aeroplane meal.
39:37Like a little bit of chicken
39:38and a tiny bit of cheese,
39:40maybe in a bun or something.
39:41And finally...
39:43I've got a winking man.
39:45A winking man.
39:47A lovely winking man.
39:48Oh, beautiful winking man.
39:51Desiree?
39:51My image was, in fact, a castle.
39:54That's so difficult.
39:56That's so hard.
39:57Guz, your minute starts.
40:00Let's, uh, start with a line.
40:02Just the words, please.
40:03Huh?
40:03Just the words on the list.
40:05Oh, you bastard.
40:06OK.
40:07Line.
40:07I like it.
40:08Just down, down line.
40:10Keep saying just.
40:10Uh, middle.
40:12Lovely.
40:13Bendy.
40:13Middle bendy.
40:14Line.
40:14Circle square.
40:17Big.
40:17Down left, right.
40:20Why don't you do this circle there?
40:22Up.
40:23Please.
40:25Down bendy right.
40:25Up bendy right.
40:27Woo!
40:28Line.
40:29Middle.
40:30Bendy circle, please.
40:32WHISTLE BLOWS
40:33My main thing is,
40:34did you all have fun doing that?
40:35Ah!
40:35Yes.
40:36Alan Davies, what did Guz Khan make you draw?
40:39It's like one of those Henry Hoover things.
40:41Yep.
40:42OK.
40:42Desiree, what have you got?
40:43I think it was the map of a mini golf course.
40:48No, Garner, what have you drawn?
40:49I think my mummy's on a wheelchair.
40:53And Victoria?
40:53I've gone with fruit.
40:56LAUGHTER
40:58Do you want to know what I got it as?
40:59Yes, please, Greg.
41:00I got it as an evil clown's face.
41:02Ooh!
41:03You would have got a point, mate.
41:05It's Greg Davies.
41:07LAUGHTER
41:07Ooh!
41:09Ooh!
41:10Ooh!
41:10Nice little secret.
41:12Nice dish.
41:14Hello, Morgana.
41:15Hiya.
41:15Your minute starts...
41:17BELL RINGS
41:19Line.
41:22Line.
41:23Line.
41:27Line.
41:31Line.
41:33Line.
41:34Line.
41:36Line.
41:38Left.
41:40Down.
41:42Right.
41:43Up.
41:44Middle, please.
41:46I think I'm done.
41:48Alan, what have you drawn?
41:50It's, er...
41:51A fence.
41:54Or...
41:54It's a ladder.
42:00I've drawn a train track that ends in a brick wall.
42:04It does?
42:05Er, I'm just writing messages to my friends now.
42:09LAUGHTER
42:12OK, Victoria.
42:13I've got Lisa Simpson.
42:15Ah.
42:15Wowee.
42:16And they were supposed to draw...
42:17It's actually a harp, guys.
42:19Alan's was nearly a harp, in a way.
42:21It's no closer to a harp than...
42:23Big up off from the West Midlands Massage.
42:26Victoria, you have one minute.
42:27Middle, big circle.
42:30Lovely.
42:31Left, up.
42:33Line left.
42:35Line left.
42:37Left.
42:38Line left.
42:39Line left.
42:41Very calm.
42:41Right.
42:43Line right.
42:44Line right.
42:45Line right.
42:47Line right.
42:50Alan, what did Victoria make you draw?
42:52I added the face.
42:53Yeah.
42:54It's a spider.
42:55OK, what have you drawn, Desiree?
42:56I can only guess it is a close-up of a cat nose.
42:59It's both quite similar.
43:01Guys, what have you drawn?
43:01I think Vic was describing, um, shitty Saj from earlier on.
43:07And the thing I remember about Saj, when he shit himself in a log flume, he was smiling.
43:12Might have been in Grimmats.
43:14Oh, God, what have you drawn?
43:15I think it's a shark with a massive ball sack.
43:21Victoria.
43:21He was supposed to draw...
43:24A spider!
43:25Oh, my God!
43:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
43:29Oh, my God!
43:31Wow!
43:33One point to Alan and one point to Victoria.
43:35Well done, Alan.
43:37Which means that they come joint first in the task.
43:39Hey, come down.
43:40We'll add that to the final scores.
43:42Come on!
43:46Thanks, Dave.
43:48Thank you.
43:49Well, obviously, Victoria and Alan were so much better at drawing and directing the drawing than anyone else.
43:53They won the task, they get five points each, no-one else gets any points,
43:56because they didn't do anything right.
43:57But that was so sick, which is random.
44:00Wow!
44:00It means it's the closest series in Taskmaster history.
44:04Three of them are on 110 points.
44:07That's Desiree, Gars and Alan.
44:08Victoria's on 91, and Morgana's on 113, just three points away from the others.
44:13However, thanks to those five points, this episode was won by...
44:16Victoria Corrin-Mitchell!
44:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:21Victoria Corrin-Mitchell wins.
44:23Please go Philly for your thing things!
44:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:27So what have we learned today?
44:29We've learned, if you ever find yourself stateside in LA,
44:33you should make an effort by learning a few colloquialisms.
44:36Why not walk into a bar and shout,
44:38Jeebus guys, anyone fancy a game of snooker?
44:41And a few jars of bing bong bing!
44:44LAUGHTER
44:46Goodbye, my friends, see you very soon.
44:48For now, here's tonight's winner once more,
44:51Victoria Corrin-Mitchell!
44:54Thank you so much for joining us today.
45:23Legenda Adriana Zanotto
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