- há 34 minutos
Categoria
😹
DivertimentoTranscrição
00:12Transcrição e Legendas por QTSS
00:31Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:34I'm your captain, Greg Davies,
00:36and I'm in charge of this almighty yet volatile warship.
00:39As it pitches wildly through task-infested waters,
00:42a brave crew will learn something new about themselves every day
00:46before returning to dry land to immediately sack their agents.
00:50The audience are watching from a distant island,
00:53so let's meet the scurvy-gum biscuit-eaters of the high seas.
00:57They are...
00:58Sharla Ritchie!
01:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:01Jamali Maddox!
01:03Lee Mack!
01:05Mike Biosnia!
01:07And Sarah Kendall!
01:09And next to me is a man whose head is shaped like the rubber
01:14at the end of a pencil,
01:15and whose body is shaped like a pencil.
01:17He's a human pencil with a killer smile.
01:20It's little Alex Hall!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:23Oh, the compliment.
01:24Yeah.
01:25Thank you for my compliment.
01:26Bit of a twist.
01:27Yeah.
01:27Take pencil.
01:28Let's get this chat underway, shall we?
01:30Let's do it.
01:30I have finished maths.
01:33I've learnt all of maths.
01:34You can ask me any sum and I promise you I'll get it right.
01:37OK.
01:37I'll put a calculator in your drawer if you want to test me.
01:39OK.
01:43I can't turn it on.
01:45I genuinely can't turn it on.
01:46Is there one that says on?
01:47Sometimes it says AC and no-one knows what that means.
01:50Nope.
01:50That doesn't do it.
01:51It simply doesn't work.
01:53It's broken.
01:54I don't think this section's going to get any better than this.
01:57LAUGHTER
01:57I think that what's happened in the last minute
01:59is it's as good as any of your other chats.
02:02LAUGHTER
02:03Great.
02:04Let's get going.
02:05Of course, the prize task is first on the agenda
02:08and this time the category is the most shocking thing
02:10that is bigger than a cat but smaller than a pig.
02:14Ugh.
02:14Greg will have to decide which of the five items brought in
02:17is the most shocking thing that is bigger than a cat
02:19and smaller than a pig.
02:20And out will come his big five points.
02:22The overall winner at the end of the episode
02:23will take home five shocking things that are bigger than cats
02:26but smaller than pigs.
02:27OK, good.
02:28Just very briefly,
02:29why do we have to have the whole cat-pig thing?
02:31So then you know what sort of size thing to bring in?
02:33Yeah.
02:34Yeah?
02:34People say I bully you but I think it's deserved.
02:38LAUGHTER
02:38Mike.
02:39Hello.
02:40Hello.
02:41What thing have you brought in that fits this clang's criteria?
02:44There's a controversial artist who lives in Dartmoor,
02:47not far from me,
02:49who renders scenes from the Animal Kingdom out of glass.
02:53So I dispatched it to Taskmaster HQ.
02:57OK, this is what arrived.
02:59Oh.
02:59Oh, that's a shame.
03:00There wasn't a lot of bubble wrap, that was the problem.
03:02So that's broken, is it?
03:03That is a great shame.
03:04The description was a glassware sculpture depicting a scene
03:07from the Animal Kingdom,
03:08alpaca in brackets shaved,
03:10in flagrante delicto with gecko in brackets frenzied,
03:13as Robin Redbreast looks on impassively.
03:15Shock level high.
03:15So it was a shocking scene.
03:17Yeah.
03:17It was...
03:18I mean, I can show you the label from the courier here.
03:21You can see it did say,
03:22Ultra Care Deluxe Super Fragile Delivery Deal.
03:24I did splash out for that.
03:26And it was perfect...
03:27Yeah.
03:28..when the courier received it.
03:29It's a great tragedy.
03:31It's a real shame.
03:32I'm sorry about that.
03:32Lee.
03:33I was thinking, what is bigger than a cat, but smaller than a pig?
03:37A dog.
03:38I couldn't find a shocking-looking dog.
03:40So in the end, I went for a baby's head welded onto the dog.
03:45Do you want to see it?
03:45Yeah.
03:46Here it is.
03:47Oh, gosh.
03:49It's one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
03:51It's called a realistic baby face mask,
03:53and the reviews, Brian D said,
03:55just what we needed for our holidays, well-made, good quality.
03:58LAUGHTER
04:02Genuinely on Amazon, that review.
04:05Charlotte, can you beat a horrific baby dog hybrid?
04:07Yeah.
04:08I can.
04:09Confidently.
04:09I thought, shocking.
04:11OK.
04:11And then I thought, a big bucket of ice.
04:14And that's what you brought in.
04:15And that's what I brought in.
04:16Here it is.
04:17I'm excited for you to be positive about this.
04:21Rubbish.
04:21OK.
04:22Absolutely rubbish.
04:23Jamaloo.
04:25Well, all right.
04:27I brought in a mini motorbike.
04:29Here it is.
04:30Oh, God.
04:30It's a mini motorbike, but check it out.
04:32I was so focused on the size, I forgot the shocking.
04:36So you just went with the object part of the challenge?
04:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:39I mean, to be fair, I am fairly shocked that you forgot about the shocking part.
04:42Yeah, well, there you go.
04:43There's something.
04:44There you go.
04:45Jesus Christ.
04:46Do you know what?
04:46I'll settle with three points.
04:48Will you?
04:49Yeah.
04:50I'll settle with four, actually.
04:51I'll say we cut it even.
04:52Just give me three points, and then we're good.
04:54Can we all say now what we'll settle with?
04:56I mean...
04:57I'll settle with four.
04:57I think me deserve five.
04:58I was pretty sure.
04:59Yeah, I'll settle with five.
05:00I'll say so.
05:02I'll give it out.
05:02I'll give it out.
05:05I asked a friend of mine, because I was kind of worried about bringing in a good prize.
05:10So she brought out one of her...
05:12She said it's a toy that I bought for my kid.
05:16This is the toy?
05:17And then she said that the tail is a butt plug.
05:21Oh!
05:21And then two people can sit on their ears.
05:24And then I just said, I don't think anyone else is seeing that with that toy.
05:29Will they not?
05:30And in terms of shape, Greg, it does have a flanged end to prevent the device from being lost inside
05:34the rectum.
05:35So it would work.
05:37Wow!
05:38So it's a shocking donkey.
05:39Are you ready to score?
05:40Yep.
05:41Are we starting...
05:41It's pretty difficult.
05:42Are you starting at the top of the bottom?
05:43It's not difficult to get the bottom.
05:45Why?
05:46Well, because someone brought in the load of ice.
05:48Oh.
05:49Oh, I see.
05:50I'm giving Charlotte one point.
05:52I'm going to give all three of the weirdos three points.
05:56Three points to Jamali.
05:56Three to Mike.
05:57Three to Sam.
05:57The only person who brought something that genuinely shocked me,
06:00that disgusting baby thing, will give him five points.
06:03Five points to Lee Mack.
06:04There we go.
06:05Thank you.
06:07OK.
06:08Lay a task on me.
06:10Sure thing.
06:10It's time to take all our clothes off, get hot and sweaty and sit on some wood.
06:27Hey, what's up?
06:28Hi, Jamali.
06:29Yeah, you good?
06:29Oh, please don't go past that rope.
06:34Thank you.
06:36What's that for?
06:37It's for you.
06:38Thank you.
06:40For you.
06:41Thanks.
06:44What am I missing?
06:48Hey, what's up?
06:50What do you mean?
06:52What's the task, man?
06:53Oh, yeah, sorry.
06:54It's on that.
06:55It's on that.
06:56Oh, it's on the task on here.
06:57Yeah.
06:57Where's the task?
06:59It's not far away.
07:01OK.
07:01Yeah.
07:02Don't tell me it's like on me.
07:03Nah.
07:04Task on the towel?
07:07Can I take it off?
07:08Let's see.
07:08Oh, hello.
07:09Make the sauna stones hiss.
07:12You must be standing behind the rope when the sauna stones hiss.
07:17You may not move the sauna stones or this rope.
07:19That was the first thing I thought.
07:21You may not use a hose.
07:23Fastest winds, your time starts now.
07:25You don't like it when Jamali says, what's up, do you?
07:28You don't like any kind of slang language.
07:31But I'm doing my best.
07:33What's up?
07:34Damn.
07:35See?
07:36You're cool.
07:37Cool.
07:37We're cool.
07:38That was more irritating than the what's up when you went, we cool.
07:44We are cool.
07:45That's more you.
07:48Let's crack on.
07:49So, it's saunas.
07:50I like a sauna.
07:51I see the health benefits.
07:52And we're going to start with Lee, Mike.
07:54Lee and Mike.
07:55Lee Mack and Mike.
07:56Here we go.
07:58Just got to luzz some water in them, right?
08:01Um, luzz, did you say?
08:03Luzz.
08:03I was going to luzz.
08:04Luzz some water.
08:05How are you spelling luzz?
08:06Luzz.
08:06L-U-Z.
08:08Zed.
08:11E-R.
08:11I used to play a game called track and field on a computer game in the 80s.
08:15And the shot putter would spin round.
08:17He had to press the button at the exact moment to release it.
08:23Oof!
08:29Oh, God.
08:30That would have worked if I had a double-bagged.
08:32Here's a good old luzz.
08:33How are you spelling that?
08:34Er, L-U-double-Z, er, E-R.
08:39Now, pour.
08:41Pour starts.
08:43Gah!
08:45Oh, for God's sake.
08:47Pour.
08:48Maybe I should just be luzz-ing it the old-fashioned way.
08:51Nature's luzz-er.
08:54Mohiff.
09:02Right.
09:06Progress.
09:08How do you gaff all that together?
09:12It's bamboo time.
09:15Yes.
09:18Now, let's see.
09:20Something's happening there, isn't it?
09:22Just before I try that.
09:24I think we all know what I'm gonna do.
09:33Sorry.
09:35Oh, shit.
09:37Sorry.
09:39I've just got to get us some more water.
09:40Back in a moment.
09:42Right.
09:43Try and no one get, er, no one get killed.
09:47Here we go.
09:48Come on.
09:54Yeah!
09:54Ha-ha!
10:05What a shot!
10:08I've not got a very good aim.
10:09So I wonder if I need to build a sort of structure
10:11that will help encourage the projectile to its home.
10:17OK.
10:19Jessica Ennis.
10:24I've stopped the clock.
10:26There we go.
10:27Well, thank you.
10:28Thanks, Alex.
10:30Lovely.
10:32Lee, your final throw was pretty dramatic.
10:35I was pumped for quite a few hours.
10:38I went straight in and made a cup of tea and had a jammy dodger.
10:40That's true.
10:41So, er, nature's lutter, er, is the first of the catchphrases
10:45that will never catch on that I wrote down.
10:47Erm, it's bamboo time.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:50You know, it's bamboo o'clock, tick tock.
10:53Hang on there.
10:54Let me just pop that there in on the, er,
10:56it's bamboo o'clock, tick tock.
11:00Have you got some statistics for us?
11:01Yes.
11:02Well, bamboo o'clock worked for Mike.
11:04He did it in seconds.
11:05He did it in 704 seconds.
11:08Which is 11 minutes and 44.
11:09Lee was 12 minutes 30, so he was slower than Mike.
11:13He was slower.
11:14Next to have a hissy fit are Charlotte and Sarah.
11:18Is there ice in the freezer?
11:21Yeah.
11:21Alright.
11:34It's not bad.
11:37Oh.
11:39No.
11:40Come on.
11:41So I'll just do one more.
11:42OK.
11:43That was actually close.
11:48Is that...?
11:49I didn't hear a hiss.
11:50Did you hear a hiss?
11:56OK.
12:02You thought you could run faster than the water would fall?
12:05Yeah.
12:08Oh, this is...
12:09No.
12:11Oh.
12:12Oh.
12:18OK.
12:42I've got the clock.
12:44Yes!
12:46Oh.
12:47Oh!
12:48Oh!
12:49It's hissing.
12:51Yes, yes. A little hiss there. Thank you.
12:55Thanks.
12:55Right. Well done.
13:00For a while, I thought you'd lost your mind
13:02because you just continued to throw the ice repeatedly.
13:06When you have no other ideas, you stick to your bad idea
13:09and hope that through sheer persistence
13:10you're going to reap some sort of benefit.
13:12It's the definition of madness.
13:14Yes, absolutely.
13:16But then you did something far more logical.
13:19You took the ice cube and you built a bridge to put the ice cube on.
13:23I did that.
13:24Charlotte, you said it's not bad after your first water throw,
13:27which was about one foot away from you, so it was quite bad.
13:31It's not easy to wield a turkey baster.
13:33It isn't.
13:34That's true. It did go boonk straight away.
13:38Once you devised your pulley system,
13:41you then attempted to run faster than gravity.
13:44Again, yeah. Imagine if I had beat it.
13:47I would have really discovered something incredible.
13:49You'd be able to just run up a tree to the moon.
13:51Yeah.
13:52I can tell you that they both did it in seconds.
13:58710 seconds over here.
13:59Four seconds quicker than Mike.
14:01Wow.
14:01At the moment, Charlotte's in the lead.
14:03But Sarah did it even faster.
14:04What?
14:04Yeah, she did it in 482 seconds, just eight minutes and two seconds.
14:09Right, lots faster.
14:10I'm really surprised by that.
14:11All right, do you want to see the Jamali finale?
14:14So much.
14:15Here it is.
14:16Do we have any, like, balloons?
14:18Balloons?
14:19Balloons?
14:19Yeah.
14:20Can I get one? Whereabouts?
14:21I'll get you a balloon.
14:22Yeah, can I get a balloon?
14:23What colour?
14:24Any colour.
14:24Are you coming with me?
14:25I mean, well, the thing is, it's like, it's a time thing
14:27and you're not going very fast.
14:29Oh, are you chasing me?
14:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:30You could just step it up, please.
14:32Thank you.
14:49Can you help me out here, mate?
14:51Can you just, like, hold this while I tape it round, please?
15:02Oh, no.
15:05Not long enough.
15:06Is there a bow and arrow in here?
15:08No, there's no bow and arrow in the shed.
15:10All right.
15:30Do I have the hiss?
15:31Yeah, you're not behind the rope.
15:35Wait for it.
15:35You've got to listen, Alex.
15:39Can I pass?
15:40No.
15:41I suppose so.
15:41Yeah.
15:42We're counting that as a hiss.
15:44All right.
15:45Thanks, Jamali.
15:49Again, I thoroughly enjoyed how irritated you get with Alex for...
15:53It's because it's like, it's a time thing and he just sort of goes,
15:55OK, any colour?
15:57Yeah, yeah.
15:58Crack on.
15:58I did trot along in the end.
16:00It's incredibly irritating asking what colour balloon as well.
16:03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:04What does it matter?
16:05Well, it might matter.
16:05It didn't matter.
16:06No, it didn't matter.
16:07Just to explain what happened with the sauna for Jamali,
16:10the reason why we were trying to light it was because when the balloon burst,
16:13it put out the sauna.
16:14The whole match system was born, Necessity being the mother of invention,
16:18was born when you were trying to light the thing, right?
16:21Different type of hiss, though, isn't it?
16:22It's a hiss, though.
16:23It's a hiss, mate.
16:24Hiss.
16:24Is it a hiss?
16:25Yeah, no, it is a hiss, mate.
16:27I'm counting it as a hiss.
16:28Oh, I appreciate it.
16:29You can take that to the back.
16:30Yeah.
16:30OK.
16:30I mean, it's slightly academic because it took him 25 and a half minutes.
16:33OK, fine.
16:40It took him last.
16:41Yeah.
16:41So he gets one point.
16:42Then it goes Lee with two points.
16:4312 minutes.
16:44Mike, three points.
16:4511.44.
16:46Charlotte, four points.
16:4711.40.
16:47But Sarah gets all five points with eight minutes and two seconds.
16:51The ice bridge is triumphant.
16:53Scoreboard, then, please.
16:54Very satisfying for me.
16:56It's 4-5-6-7-8 with Sarah in the lead with eight.
16:59That's right.
17:00Lovely.
17:02Lovely.
17:02Do we have time for number one?
17:03Oh, we have all the time in the Gregorian calendar.
17:19Hey, what's up?
17:21Hello, Jamali.
17:22Nice to see you again.
17:23Do you want me to say what's up back?
17:25Nah.
17:26OK.
17:27What's up is like a thing you respond to.
17:29It's not like, what's up, what's up?
17:31Is it the most normal?
17:31Eh, it doesn't.
17:33I don't know.
17:34Create the best new way to remember how many days each of the months has.
17:40I'm not sure I know the answer to that.
17:43You have 20 minutes.
17:44Your time starts now.
17:46Erm, can I borrow your pen?
17:47Yes.
17:47I'll just have to remember the basics before we do anything.
17:50Right.
17:50Do you mind if I scroll on this?
17:52Thank you.
17:53Can I have a calendar, please?
17:55Do you mind what pictures are on it?
17:57I just need a calendar ASAP because it's 20 minutes.
17:59Can you...
17:59Do you want...
18:01Get the calendar.
18:02I need to talk to a producer after this because the time needs to be stopped when you're...
18:06Just get the calendar.
18:07I can't deal with this.
18:08There's a poem out kicking around out there.
18:11I've heard talk of this poem.
18:13Yeah.
18:14Right, so we've got 30 days have September.
18:17April.
18:18June.
18:20November.
18:21All the rest have 31.
18:24Except for February.
18:26Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
18:29Right, I've got to confess here that I don't know what the last line of that is.
18:3330 days have September.
18:34April, June and November.
18:35All the rest have 31.
18:36Except for February.
18:37Beep, beep, beep.
18:38I think it's what I always do in my head.
18:40Do you want me to tell you the rest of it?
18:41Yes, please.
18:41We had a...
18:42As a reading at my wedding, it goes, all the rest have 31 but February's 28.
18:47The leap year which comes once in four gives February one day more.
18:50No, that's not it.
18:50That's awful.
18:51That's not my version.
18:52It doesn't even scan.
18:53It makes me want to run up a tree to the moon.
18:57So we're looking for an alternative to that.
18:59Yes, just a way for you to remember the numbers of days in the month.
19:02Let's crack on.
19:03OK.
19:03First up, it's a man.
19:05He's got facial hair but not just a moustache.
19:07He's got a lovely big bushy beard.
19:08Yes, it's Mr Jamali Maddox.
19:11The time should be stopped.
19:15Like if I'm fair, because I'm based on his time of slowness.
19:20Calendar, do you have a calendar?
19:22Yes, I put it over here.
19:22OK.
19:23Oh, oh, did you?
19:24So can I get more time on the clock?
19:28Um...
19:28Thank you.
19:29I will leave him a voice note.
19:32So you're going to leave him...
19:33He's a full name, I forgot.
19:35Greg Davis.
19:36Greg Davis, that's it.
19:38He's great.
19:38I love Greg Davis.
19:40He's a funny guy.
19:41He was good in In Between Us and...
19:44Um...
19:45And all the other great stuff he's done.
19:48Hey, Greg.
19:49It's Jamali Maddox here.
19:51So I'm just going to leave you a voice note and then you can go back to it when you
19:54need to go back to it.
19:55Um...
19:56January has 31 days in the month.
19:59Uh...
19:59February has 29, but I think sometimes it's a leap year.
20:03You've got March, 31 days.
20:06Same as January.
20:07You have April, which is actually my birthday month, is 30 days.
20:11So if you want to send me a gift.
20:13July, which is summertime and it's got 31 days.
20:16Which is nice because we've got more days in the summer, I guess.
20:18You've got August, which is 31.
20:20October, which is 31 again.
20:22November, where it's 30.
20:23You've got December, where it's 31.
20:25That's Christmas month.
20:26And that's it.
20:28That's the...
20:29That's the...
20:30That's the whole thing.
20:31So, um...
20:32Yeah.
20:33Give me a text back, if you want.
20:35Yeah.
20:36Thank you, man.
20:36Appreciate it.
20:38Quite a long message.
20:40I mean, it's a lot of information, isn't it?
20:46You definitely haven't watched the show before you agreed to be on it.
20:49Of course I've seen the show.
20:50You don't even know who I am.
20:52I know who you are.
20:53I know who you are.
20:54You don't know my name.
20:56I know Greg!
20:57He knew some of your name.
20:58You don't know my second name.
21:00Why do I need to know it?
21:01Hey, listen, it's not about me.
21:04In what situation am I going to think,
21:06oh, I'm not...
21:07I'm not sure how many days there are in this month.
21:10I'll just listen to Jamali's voice.
21:12Did you...
21:12Did you not say just before,
21:14I can't even remember the rhyme for the thing?
21:16I didn't say it like that.
21:18OK.
21:18So then I've given you personally a gift.
21:21Yeah.
21:21And then now you can listen back to it and remember.
21:23It was one hell of an opener.
21:25Who's next?
21:26It's the Australian Sarah Kendall and Shane Ritchie.
21:30Sorry?
21:30Shane R...
21:31Charlotte Ritchie.
21:33I don't understand how leap years work,
21:35so I don't know if that matters.
21:38I guess it does matter,
21:39because you have to remember how many days each one has.
21:42So the way I remember it is January, February, March, April, May,
21:46June, July, August, September, October, November, December.
21:48The up ones are 31 and the downs are 30.
21:54So we need an up and a down.
21:56And it needs to be memorable.
22:00That's a clock.
22:01That's exciting.
22:02Yeah.
22:03I guess the problem is that time only has two hands.
22:05It's J, M, M.
22:09Ooh, I need more vowels.
22:11Jam, jam, jowed.
22:12Jamjod.
22:13Then the leftover letters are snadge.
22:18So I'm thinking of April.
22:20Yeah, snadge.
22:22Or jamjod.
22:23Or august.
22:24Oh.
22:27Oh, that's two Js.
22:29One, two, three, four, five, six.
22:30It just needs six hands,
22:32and then the second set of hands will be longer,
22:36because effectively what I'm doing is making a calendar.
22:39You could look at it.
22:41Can I make this into a real clock?
22:43Yes.
22:43If you lie in a certain way.
22:46OK, so if he starts on his left foot,
22:4931.
22:5028.
22:5131.
22:5230.
22:53So.
22:55Oh.
22:56Yep.
22:56The only problem is that the clock actually,
22:58it turns out, I think since I've been making it,
23:00has manipulated the arms.
23:03Because at the moment June doesn't have any days,
23:05and July's got 61.
23:07Yeah.
23:08August.
23:09Elbow September.
23:11Oh, he's going to have to lower it.
23:14Back up to the shoulder for October.
23:16Hip November.
23:17December 31.
23:19Greg has to sit like this.
23:21And what's the system?
23:22The joints.
23:23Of the body.
23:24So if I say to you July.
23:26January, February, March, April, May, June, July.
23:32It's your 31.
23:34WHISTLE CLEARING
23:35WHISTLE CLEARING
23:36WHISTLE CLEARING
23:37Did you initially, when you...
23:40When you developed your letter system,
23:42you wanted me to learn Jam Jod...
23:44Jam Jod Snudge?
23:46LAUGHTER
23:51I was in such a state of panic, I felt sick.
23:55The body system's good, as long as I remember to do it like this, right?
23:58I have tried to represent it in a graphic, which should clear that up.
24:01Looks like this.
24:02That's an easy thing to remember, isn't it?
24:04And the red...
24:06Reds are up, so they have more numbers.
24:08Mate, it really is a workable system, though, isn't it?
24:11If you think it is, then it is.
24:12Well, it is.
24:13And it doesn't involve me listening to a 35-minute answer phone message.
24:18So are you saying it's easier to do that than to press play?
24:21It's not easier, it's less time-consuming.
24:24Charlotte, I write down some of my favourite quotes
24:26as the series rattle on, and that's going in the quote book.
24:30I guess the problem is that time only has two hands.
24:34It doesn't make any more sense the more you think about it.
24:37It's wrong.
24:38Well, because, yeah, famously, clocks have three hands.
24:40It's the minutes and the hours and the seconds.
24:42Oh.
24:43Yes, they do.
24:44They do, of course.
24:45They do have three hands.
24:48The task wasn't necessarily to make a better system.
24:51Just make a system.
24:52It was a system.
24:53But I think it's implied it should be better than the poem.
24:56Well, what's good is you just look at it, you know.
24:58Well, you tell me a month that I want to know and I'll...
25:01OK.
25:02October.
25:03Here it is.
25:04Yeah.
25:05Um...
25:06Easy.
25:06It's pink.
25:0730.
25:08No, it's got 31.
25:09The clock is broken.
25:10Yeah, she got muddled up with the pink and blue in the end,
25:12so the whole thing is wrong.
25:14It's wrong.
25:14So the whole thing is wrong, so you know that that's true,
25:17so now that you know that it's wrong, what would you answer?
25:19I can reverse engineer my answer.
25:21Perfect.
25:21Let's try it.
25:22June.
25:23Um...
25:23If you're stitching me up, Alex...
25:25What?
25:2531.
25:26So...
25:2730.
25:28LAUGHTER
25:30You want to see the last two guys?
25:32Yes, please.
25:32OK, it's our very own calendar girls.
25:34It's Lee and Mike.
25:36Hmm.
25:45Don't have a bath if you're feeling dirty, if the month only contains days that are 30.
25:50I'm talking of September, April...
25:53No, I'm not.
25:56I'm talking of September, April and June, and November's not good if you're a sweaty baboon.
26:02Now...
26:03I can't read me on writing.
26:04Hang on.
26:07Don't wash in February, cos that's 28 or 29.
26:10Use a flannel instead to remove all the brine.
26:13Or the...
26:14Brine.
26:14I can see one word.
26:16And brine is sort of like...
26:17I don't know what brine is, but it's just...
26:20It's...
26:21Grime!
26:21Grime!
26:23You've got one minute now, Mike.
26:24OK.
26:26November's not good if you're a sweaty baboon, but don't wash in February, cos that's 28
26:30or 29.
26:31Use a flannel instead to remove all the grime.
26:33Or the rest are OK, cos they've got 31.
26:37Have a bath if you like, and treat yourself to a scone.
26:41WHISTLE BLOWS
26:42What's your 20 minutes up, Mike?
26:44Er...
26:44I've got a...
26:45The mnemonic for the Taskmaster.
26:47June's 30 Samurai nobbled April.
26:50Julie mailed Jan's aged mum 31 dead orangutans.
26:54Fresh 28.
26:57Can I just see this in action?
26:59Hi, Mike.
27:00Hi.
27:00Oh, how many days did October have?
27:02October?
27:03Oh, orangutans.
27:0531.
27:0531 dead orangutans.
27:06I mean, you're not going to forget 31 dead orangutans.
27:08It's an absolutely horrific sight.
27:10They're endangered.
27:10I was born in September.
27:12Samurai.
27:1330 days.
27:13Er, cos of the 30 Samurai that nobbled.
27:17April.
27:18Thank you, Mike.
27:19Thank you.
27:20APPLAUSE
27:22It does work, but it relies on me remembering all of that madness.
27:26Quite heavy duty.
27:27It wasn't explicit, but it was implied it should be better than the original system.
27:30It should be memorable, shouldn't it?
27:32Yeah.
27:32It should be memorable, of course.
27:33Fair play.
27:34Lee, the only thing I will remember about that poem is that we all need to get brine off
27:38us like we're giant tuna fish.
27:41And that grime was just always there and I went with brine for some reason.
27:44The poem started with, now listen, hear you.
27:46That's always a good start to a poem.
27:48Listen, hear you.
27:50That's like a northern version of Once Upon a Time.
27:54I'm ready to pass judgment on this.
27:56I can't wait.
27:57Right, Lee, one point.
27:58Oh, that's harsh.
27:59I will remember that October's the month of monkey massacre.
28:02For that something.
28:03And for that, he can have two points.
28:05Charlotte's system gets three points.
28:07But because it sort of works if I'm prepared...
28:10If I'm prepared to reverse your logic, I'll get there.
28:14Yes, it was a flawed spot.
28:15Which means, incredibly, I'm going to give Jamali's rubbish...
28:18His rubbish voicemail.
28:20Second place with four points.
28:22And Sarah takes a sweet jam-jod snedge, five points.
28:25Well done.
28:26Sarah, come on.
28:27This one's for jam-jod.
28:28This one's for jam-jod.
28:29What's next, little Alex Horne?
28:30Well, we're all going on a holiday.
28:49Hello, Lee.
28:51Does it look like I'm in Top Gun?
28:53Not really.
28:54Oh.
28:55Hi, Jamali.
28:56How you doing?
28:56I'm good.
28:57If you want to go around there to the luggage trolley, that'd be great.
29:00How are you?
29:01I'm good, thank you.
29:02How are you?
29:02Yeah, all right.
29:03Yeah.
29:05Get all of your luggage through security.
29:08Get all of your luggage through security.
29:12You must stay inside the maze until your luggage has been through the x-ray machine.
29:16You may go under one rope and release one rope.
29:20You may also disconnect one pole completely, but you must then pick up that pole and carry
29:25it for the rest of the task.
29:27If any of your luggage touches any of the barriers, the maze will restart and you must
29:32start again.
29:33The fastest wins.
29:34Your time starts now.
29:36I'm not going to say the last sentence yet because I'm older than the other contestants
29:39and I don't retain the information like the others.
29:41Quite a lot older.
29:42I've already forgotten the first four sentences.
29:44Mm-hmm.
29:45I would sum this task up as being irritatingly complicated.
29:48So complicated.
29:49In a good way?
29:50No, no, no.
29:51In a way that makes me want to kill you.
29:52Let's go.
29:53OK, well, the simple task is to check your...
29:56It wasn't simple, was it, Alex?
29:58But carry on.
29:58Get all your luggage through security.
30:00It's time to check out Mike and Charlotte checking in.
30:03Right.
30:04OK, thank you.
30:05If you'll excuse me, Mo, I'll just have a quick look and see.
30:09Right.
30:10It's a fiddly old thing, isn't it?
30:11Where have I got to go?
30:12There.
30:14Passport and boarding pass.
30:16The temptation was to just sort of luzz them...
30:18Luzz them over the...
30:20But, I mean, I don't...
30:21My aim isn't that impressive.
30:24All right.
30:25OK.
30:26The old fiddly trolley.
30:30Don't forget.
30:34You've released one rope.
30:36I have released one rope.
30:39Released that one.
30:42It didn't strike the barrier, but it very nearly did.
30:44It very nearly did, didn't it?
30:49Oh.
30:59That's just to be on the safe side.
31:01This hands-free technique.
31:11That doesn't count, does it?
31:12Because it's not...
31:13It's all up to you.
31:13Do you think it counts?
31:15Oh, if it's up to me, it didn't touch anything.
31:17Oh.
31:17OK.
31:18There we go.
31:20OK.
31:21Oh, golly.
31:22OK.
31:24Oh, OK.
31:26Yeah.
31:26OK.
31:31Hello there.
31:32Hello.
31:33Hello.
31:33Can I see your boarding pass and passport?
31:36And then I've got...
31:38I've got that.
31:39Oh, hang on.
31:40I've got...
31:41I can see what looks like a passport.
31:44OK.
31:47OK.
31:48Thank you.
31:49That's fine.
31:52It's lucky these are all empty.
31:53They're all empty, are they?
31:54Yep.
31:55Over ropes.
31:57OK.
31:58That'd be unsettling.
32:00Thank you.
32:02Do you want me to stop the clock?
32:03Yep.
32:04I've stopped it.
32:05All right.
32:08One more.
32:10Turn the through.
32:11Have a nice trip.
32:11Thank you, Alex.
32:12I'll put it this way.
32:29Great.
32:30Charlotte looked fresh-faced and positive,
32:32whereas Mike looked as I imagine he looks
32:35when he takes his actual family through passport control,
32:38like he could flip out at any minute and leave them all.
32:43He might was the only one who then took all the luggage away.
32:45Everyone else just thought,
32:46well, the task's over.
32:46I'll leave the luggage.
32:47But he thought he was off on holiday at that point.
32:49I think I'm just too heavily conditioned by institutions and rules
32:53and once I sit off on a path, I just have to keep going.
32:57Where did you take them?
32:58I think when I hit fresh air,
32:59then I sort of came to a bit.
33:01What, you?
33:03I think someone gave me a sugary tea and I calmed down.
33:06LAUGHTER
33:09As an older person,
33:10I actually found Charlotte's positivity quite annoying.
33:12Yeah, I knew you'd say that.
33:14Almost too positive, though, because Charlotte, as you saw,
33:16one of her bags did strike one of the barriers.
33:19It did?
33:19And she decided not to start again at that point.
33:22Ah.
33:22So what are you saying, that Charlotte absolutely fucked it?
33:25Well, I wouldn't have used those words, no,
33:26I would have said completely fucked it.
33:29LAUGHTER
33:29Yeah, give me some times.
33:30Yeah, well, she did take 6 minutes 53,
33:32so she would have been quick, but she failed.
33:35Such a shame.
33:36Such a shame.
33:36Mike, 8 minutes 29.
33:38The next people we're going to see hanging around in a hangar
33:40are Lee, Sarah and Jamali.
33:44Oh, shit.
33:45Right, up there.
33:47Where are you going today?
33:49I'm just going over there.
33:50OK.
33:55OK, so I can disconnect one.
33:57Oh, why did I do that one?
33:59Can I reconnect it?
33:59No.
34:04Oh, I've reached a dead end.
34:06You must go under one, right, and release one.
34:08Oh.
34:08So I can go under that?
34:10Yeah.
34:11Go under.
34:11I can go under another one.
34:15Oh.
34:27Oh, it just hit the back...
34:29That touched.
34:32It sounded like a hit one.
34:34It did.
34:35I'll start again, aren't I?
34:37Yeah, I made it.
34:38Oh, hello there.
34:39Can I see your passport and boarding pass, please?
34:41I don't know if a passport would have...
34:46Are you entering from a different point?
34:47Yes.
34:48OK.
34:50You have released one rope.
34:57Right.
35:00Oh, it's heavy, isn't it?
35:02Yes.
35:03Joe, if you scan them through while I'm looking for it, because it's in one of my bags, you might
35:07as well scan them through because I'm coming through anyway.
35:09You want me to put that through there?
35:10Yeah.
35:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:12Thank you.
35:14So I can take this off here.
35:17Uh-huh.
35:22Oh, hi there.
35:23Hi, how are you?
35:23I'm good.
35:24Please can I see your boarding pass and passport?
35:29Um...
35:29Hello there, sir.
35:30I can't put your luggage on until I see your passport and boarding pass.
35:33But that's over there.
35:35I can't go under now, can I?
35:37I don't think you can.
35:38You can go over.
35:39Oh, I should have done that before.
35:46Can you throw that away for me, please?
35:48Yes, you can't take that on board.
35:49Yeah, I know.
35:50I feel like you're giving me extra plane security, by the way, but...
35:53Why would I do that?
35:53I'm just, you know, I don't know.
35:55You tell me.
35:56Because of the glasses?
35:57Yeah, because of the glasses.
35:58I mean, I'm presuming it's in one of these bags.
36:01Well, they're your bags.
36:02Yeah, they are, and I did pack them myself.
36:05Okay, do you have any liquids on you?
36:07Oh, yeah.
36:08Is that the wrong answer?
36:09Fluids!
36:10Ah, yes, you can't take them on the plane.
36:12No, I'm aware of that.
36:14It's heavy.
36:16Yes.
36:19Crafting.
36:21Oh, yeah, yeah.
36:22Comical.
36:23Cool.
36:23I get it.
36:24Funny bit.
36:25Yeah, funny bit.
36:26Oh, yeah, yeah.
36:27Okay, yeah, yeah.
36:27Cool.
36:28I can't let you put your last bag through until I see your passport.
36:31Yeah.
36:32I'm just going to have to stop the machine.
36:35I do need to see your passport.
36:37Was I meant to have picked up a passport earlier somewhere?
36:40Oh, okay.
36:46I've stopped the clock.
36:47You can get on the plane.
36:49Get all your luggage through security.
36:51So it's done.
36:51But it's not through security because I'm seeing your passport.
36:54Oh, okay.
36:54I need to check you out.
36:55But all my luggage is through.
36:56You put it through.
36:57It's not quite through.
36:59No, no.
36:59Put them.
37:00Please don't.
37:05I think I've done very well on this task.
37:07Yes.
37:08I've stopped the clock.
37:09And we're done.
37:11Yeah, they're through?
37:12Yep.
37:12All right.
37:14I've stopped the clock.
37:15Okay.
37:15Thank you, Jamali.
37:16If you are, Jamali.
37:17Yes.
37:18Have a nice holiday.
37:19Yep.
37:19Bye-bye.
37:22There we go.
37:23Lovely.
37:24Yep.
37:25To me, tonally, it felt like a mental competence test for people
37:30who've had their driving licences taken off them.
37:32Yeah.
37:33I think that's fair.
37:34I think that's fair.
37:34I'd summarise it as last of the summer Y meets the Krypton Factor.
37:39Even the Krypton Factor?
37:40Yeah, even saying the word the Krypton Factor.
37:43No-one knows that.
37:43I mean, Jamali, do you remember the heady days of the Krypton Factor?
37:45I don't know what you're talking about.
37:46He doesn't know this show.
37:49I mean, what's really awful is watching just how slow my mind works.
37:53Well, you cleverly thought I could enter the maze from a different
37:56place, but then you stayed right at the back of the maze.
37:58You could have entered right by it if you were doing that.
38:00Yeah, I know.
38:01I have no defence here.
38:02I mean, it's just been an appalling piece of footage.
38:04But they did find the liquids, so that's up to you to judge on Mike.
38:08Okay.
38:08You took no joy in that game whatsoever.
38:10No, I enjoyed it.
38:11Come on.
38:11Did you?
38:12He enjoyed the maze a bit more than anyone.
38:13He sort of saw his way through.
38:15He got there very quickly.
38:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:16But then he'd have to search through every bag twice.
38:18I just liked how pathetic Alex was at security, where he goes,
38:21I have to see your passport because I just haven't got one.
38:23He goes, well, go on then.
38:25On you go.
38:26He didn't say you couldn't bully your way through.
38:29He didn't say that.
38:30He didn't say you can't juggernaut your way through security.
38:32You look absolutely furious to me.
38:34I would have let you through as well.
38:36I don't want to set a precedent that you can bully me and get the points.
38:38No.
38:38You can't have the points.
38:40If the passport was part of the rules, you can't have the points.
38:43Really?
38:44Yeah.
38:44Oh, I wish I was as brave as you.
38:46So, no points to Jamali because he didn't present the passport.
38:48There you go.
38:49No points to Mike because he didn't find the water.
38:50No points to Charlotte because her bag touched the barrier.
38:52There you go.
38:53So, weirdly, Sarah gets four points.
38:55That's insane.
38:56And even more insane, Lee gets five points for 11 minutes 37.
38:59There you go.
39:00That's insanity.
39:01That's insanity, but I'll take it.
39:03Quick look at the scores.
39:04Yes, three people are on eight points.
39:05That's Charlotte, Jamali and Mike.
39:07The outright leader, though, is on 17, and that's Sarah Kendall.
39:10Wow.
39:11APPLAUSE
39:14OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage for the final task
39:16of the show!
39:18APPLAUSE
39:21What's up?
39:22Whoa.
39:23OK, then.
39:24That was awful.
39:25That was terrible.
39:26I thought it was pretty fresh.
39:27Me too.
39:28Fresh 28.
39:29Fresh 28.
39:30I would like Charlotte Ritchie to read it out this time.
39:33OK.
39:34Act out a nursery rhyme for the taskmaster to guess.
39:38Each team has three minutes to act out their nursery rhymes.
39:43Most nursery rhymes guessed by the taskmaster wins.
39:46You must remain silent and on your spot throughout.
39:49So, it's a team task.
39:51The team of two is going first.
39:52Yeah.
39:52Good luck with your nursery rhymes.
39:54Good luck understanding them, Greg.
39:55Here we go.
39:55Oh, God.
39:55Three minutes.
39:56Starts.
40:01BUZZ
40:02Er, Bar Bar Black Sheik.
40:04Correct.
40:05OK, next one.
40:09410.
40:11410.
40:12410.
40:12It is number...
40:12420.
40:144 and 20 blackbirds.
40:15Correct.
40:16Next one.
40:20Oh.
40:21Oh.
40:22It's a classic.
40:23Humpty Dumpty.
40:24Correct.
40:26O meu Deus!
40:57O meu Deus!
41:25PUT!
41:26Sorry!
41:27Oh, Polly, put the kettle on, you prick!
41:30What's the matter with you?
41:31Absolutely fair comment.
41:33So, well done.
41:33I've worn the second team now.
41:35I don't know any more nursery rhymes.
41:37I'm not sure I do, either.
41:38Please rotate until the team of three are in the miming position.
41:41I'm hoping that the team of three now are at a disadvantage,
41:43cos now he's got to watch three people at once.
41:45Your three minutes start.
41:47OK.
41:49OK.
41:52Sun.
41:54Moon.
41:57Telescope.
41:59Please be quiet.
42:00Um...
42:02Um...
42:03Um...
42:03Oh, it's...
42:05Sounds like drive.
42:07Sounds like car.
42:08I mean, this is unbelievable.
42:10This is...
42:10It's infuriating, isn't it?
42:11Look, I...
42:12I feel for you guys, and I want to win.
42:15Er...
42:16Scar.
42:18And you said sun and moon.
42:20Sun and...
42:21Oh, sun and the moon and the stars.
42:22Oh.
42:22No, but you've got stars now.
42:24Stars.
42:26Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
42:28Correct!
42:29Oh.
42:31Row, row, row your boat.
42:32He's back on it.
42:36LAUGHTER
42:43Three. Three words.
42:45First word.
42:46We're halfway.
42:47Here.
42:47Oh, God, mate.
42:48Listen.
42:50It...
42:50Sounds like...
42:51LAUGHTER
42:54Sounds like cut.
42:55Oh, mate, you've got no chance for that.
42:57Sounds like...
42:57Sounds like sever.
42:59Hand.
43:00Oh, my God.
43:03Drive.
43:04Where are these guys going?
43:05Dig.
43:09I tell...
43:10Two people.
43:12And they're going somewhere.
43:13They're going up the stairs.
43:14Oh!
43:15Jack and Jill went up the hill.
43:16Correct.
43:17Oh.
43:2030 seconds left.
43:22Are you Christ?
43:27London Bridge is falling down.
43:31Kangaroo.
43:32Sounds like kangaroo.
43:34Hot.
43:35I'm sorry, folks.
43:36It was Mary had a little lamb.
43:38It's like charades at Christmas with your very elderly granddad, isn't it?
43:41Come down and we'll add it to the final scores.
43:45Very good.
43:47You only managed to guess four of the team of three.
43:50One every 45 seconds.
43:51Yeah.
43:52Oh, wow.
43:54The team of two, you managed to guess seven.
43:55First of all, everyone's going to get points out of this.
43:57Because I do think the team of two are more efficient.
43:59So there has to be a gulf of sorts.
44:01Sure.
44:02OK.
44:02So I'm going to give them five points each.
44:04And I'm going to give the other team three points each.
44:07Well, well done, Mike and Lee.
44:08Five points!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:33So what have we learnt today?
44:36We've learnt that I don't know many nursery rhymes,
44:38apart from this new classic.
44:41Jamjod Snadge is Sarah's friend
44:44and Lee is covered in brine.
44:46Alex's friends are all pretend
44:48and Mike likes bamboo time.
44:50Charlotte says time has just two hands,
44:53she wishes that it would go faster
44:54and that leaves Jamali all on his own.
44:56He's never heard of Taskmaster.
44:58We'll see you next time.
45:00Let's applaud tonight's winner.
45:02One more time, Sarah Campbell!
45:30Is it him?
45:37This next time?
45:38Do some good
Comentários