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00:12Transcrição e Legendas por Quintena Coelho
00:34Hello, I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to a brand new series of Taskmaster.
00:39People have accused me of having a God complex on this show.
00:42Well, I've got bad news for you. I've talked to God and he said you got this.
00:46And he's right, I do got this.
00:48And by this, I mean my golden bonce of victory.
00:52And to battle for it, we have five new gladiators,
00:55all of whom have two things in common.
00:57One, they're happy to throw away their careers.
01:00And two, they can no longer back out because they've signed a contract.
01:04The audience are watching this at a later date and at a safe distance.
01:08So, without further ado, let's meet the cast
01:11and get this magnificent competition underway.
01:14Welcome, Charlotte Ritchie!
01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Jamali Mavitz!
01:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:21Lee Mack!
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:23Mike Wozniak!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:25And Sarah Kendall!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28And next to me, a man who once told me
01:30that he's got no respect for the military
01:32and if any soldier came up to him in public,
01:35he could easily have them because they're all stupid.
01:39LAUGHTER
01:39It's little Alex Horne!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:42Right, I'm chuffed to bits to be here, Greg.
01:44I'm chuffed to bits to have you here again.
01:46I've got myself ready. I've had my nails painted.
01:48Have you?
01:48Yes, yep. Look, there it is.
01:50Look at my nails.
01:52The water colour of my nails.
01:54I didn't think you'd like that, so I have actually had my real nails painted.
01:57Well, I've got eyes on my thumbs, so I can do that.
02:00Yeah.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:01You all right?
02:02That's nice, that.
02:03Yeah?
02:03No, it's nice, yeah.
02:04Right.
02:05Lovely.
02:07So, let's crack on.
02:08Are we finished?
02:09OK, let's have the first prize task of the series, please.
02:12Yes, each show, the competitors have to bring in a prize
02:15for the prize pot, according to that episode's category.
02:18And to start this series, the category is
02:20the best thing you can carry, but only just.
02:24So, if it's either easy to carry or completely impossible,
02:27it's just not going to cut the mustard with us,
02:28so back off, son.
02:30Greg will judge which one is best
02:32and the owner will get the maximum of five points
02:34at the end of the episode.
02:35The overall winner will barely carry home all five things
02:38over five cumbersome trips.
02:40Hello, Charlotte.
02:40Hello.
02:41Welcome to the show.
02:42Thank you.
02:42So, what's the thing that you've brought in
02:44that is the best thing that you can carry but only just?
02:47Um, all of my bedding.
02:48Yeah.
02:49All Charlotte's bedding there, Greg.
02:51So, all of it with me and it is the best thing
02:54because it's one of the best things I own.
02:56Right.
02:56Spend half my time in it.
02:57Why are you only just able to carry this bedding?
02:59What?
02:59It's fairly light, isn't it?
03:01It weighs four kilograms all the same as a cat
03:03or a cat-sized dog.
03:04Only just.
03:05I didn't know it was about it being almost impossible to carry.
03:08Yeah.
03:09I would say it's not almost impossible.
03:10Did you know it was about it being good?
03:14But it's difficult.
03:14A good price.
03:15We'll see.
03:16We'll see.
03:16I'm willing to bet that that's going to...
03:18I will be amazed if that isn't in last place.
03:21You can't bet on what you're going to decide.
03:23You can.
03:23I'll bet with you.
03:24Will you?
03:24Yeah.
03:25How much?
03:25£20.
03:26£20.
03:27So, 20 quid says that Charlotte is going in last place.
03:31OK.
03:32Jamali, can you be worse than bedding?
03:35You're very harsh with me.
03:37I would say...
03:37Oh, you should strap yourself.
03:39Yeah.
03:40My prize is a slightly hot potato.
03:43Here it is, the slightly hot potato.
03:45Oh!
03:45I thought that was a metaphor.
03:46I thought you meant it was controversial.
03:47Yeah.
03:48No, no, no, no.
03:49No, it's just a slightly hot potato.
03:51Because it's like, it's not too hot where it's impossible to carry,
03:53but it's slightly hot.
03:55So, it's just like, you've got to do this with it.
03:57Sorry.
03:57Sorry, Jamali.
03:57I'm just seeing if I've got £20 on me.
04:02Oh, wow.
04:03Lee Mack.
04:04I have brought in something that I can prove I can only just carry.
04:07because I took a photograph of it.
04:09And I'm desperate to give this away.
04:11Great.
04:12And it is, in fact, my own children.
04:14Oh!
04:16Now, it turns out, I'm not allowed to give my children away.
04:18It's a shame.
04:19They'd be a great prize for any home.
04:21So, I figured, now, what I'll do is I'll give away a representation
04:24of my children instead.
04:26These are his children.
04:27Right?
04:27Ah.
04:28So, and I think...
04:29LAUGHTER
04:30If you look at those photographs next to each other,
04:32you'll see how much effort has been put into that.
04:33Here we go.
04:35It's pretty uncanny, to be honest with you.
04:36I think it's a contender.
04:37Thank you.
04:38Michael Wozniak.
04:39Erm, the thing I can carry but only just is a tune.
04:43Oh!
04:44Nice.
04:44Now, this, this duvet and potato boy, this is lateral thinking.
04:49OK, well, here's the CD on the screen.
04:52This is what the winner is going to get.
04:54Mike has provided the backing track, which I will play now.
04:58Facts about animals.
05:00Prawns are cannibals.
05:02If there's an elephant in the room,
05:04Then you're in the wrong room.
05:06Cutting an earthworm in half
05:08Makes you a sadist.
05:09I think it's worth repeating
05:11That prawns eat their babies
05:13And monkeys eat monkeys
05:15But who gives them monkeys?
05:17Monkeys.
05:18And if you squash a wasp,
05:19It releases a chemical from the wasp
05:21That attracts people who tell you facts about wasps.
05:26APPLAUSE
05:27Oh, you can, you can carry a shoe.
05:31You're a really good singer.
05:32I don't know, Sarah, it sounded fairly awful.
05:35Really?
05:35And it was a sort of nightmarish vision of nature.
05:38They're absolute wrong-uns, er, prawns.
05:40I'm just writing down prawns are wrong-uns
05:42And we'll move on.
05:43OK.
05:44Sarah?
05:44I was panicked looking for, you know, prizes
05:47And then I saw a really big road closed sign that looked very heavy.
05:51I stole it and I got it to an Uber
05:53And then I Ubered it over to the studio.
05:57Then, Channel 4 said, er, no, that's theft
06:00And we can't represent that sort of behaviour on television.
06:03So you haven't got a prize at all?
06:04No, I did bring a prize.
06:06I stole the bar fridge from my dressing room.
06:08Here it is.
06:09So it is a stolen item.
06:10And again, we will have to put that back,
06:12Cos theft is still bad.
06:13Yeah.
06:13Sorry, can I just check?
06:15Is it just me that's not got a minibar in my room?
06:17LAUGHTER
06:19All right, here we go.
06:20Let's crack on.
06:21Last place.
06:22Last place.
06:23Duvet.
06:23Oh!
06:24Sorry.
06:25No, it makes sense.
06:25Second to last place.
06:27Potato.
06:27Two points for the...
06:28Third to last place.
06:29Three points.
06:30Mini fridge.
06:31Three points for the stolen fridge.
06:32Drum roll.
06:34If they were his real kids, he would have won,
06:35But they're not his real kids.
06:37But he still gets second place.
06:38Four points for the man.
06:39I don't know why.
06:41Wasniak's song takes it.
06:42She's got instinct.
06:43Well done.
06:43There we go.
06:44Five points!
06:45There you go.
06:46OK, let's go.
06:48First task proper, please.
06:49Alex.
06:50OK, here we go.
06:51Here it is.
06:53Here it is.
07:05Hi.
07:07OK.
07:08Good entrance.
07:09Oh, I've got some...
07:09Some swagger.
07:11Come in.
07:14Hello, Alex.
07:15Hello, Mike.
07:17Hello, Jamali.
07:20I'm not going to ask for permission.
07:22I'm just going to open this one.
07:23Do the most impressive thing under this table with one hand.
07:26You must be looking at the camera and waving with your other hand
07:30throughout your impressive thing.
07:32OK.
07:33It's going to be my right hand because this hand doesn't do anything.
07:35You have 15 minutes to prepare for your impressive thing.
07:39Then a minute in which to do your impressive thing.
07:42Your time's at half now.
07:43Thank you.
07:45Oh, it's a pleasure.
07:46People don't often say thank you.
07:48Clicking's not impressive, is it?
07:51I could make something.
07:53Um, I could cook something.
07:56I use this.
07:57OK.
07:57I don't know how many impressive things I'm able to do with two hands.
08:01I've always wanted to do that thing where you do that with a coin,
08:03so maybe I'll have a go at this might be the time.
08:06Right.
08:08I won't be needing that 15 minutes, just let me prepare myself.
08:15Excuse me.
08:16Back in the tick.
08:19Am I allowed to watch a video of someone doing it?
08:21There might be a knack to it that I'm just missing.
08:23Yeah, you are giving yourself seven minutes to learn quite a difficult skill.
08:27I could sketch your face.
08:28Or I could do, like, um, like the Golden Gate.
08:31I can't draw.
08:37Oh, no.
08:39What's wrong?
08:39Well, it's just so good.
08:41I just have nothing for my confidence.
08:44Come in.
08:45Oh.
08:46I was just outside looking for ideas, but there weren't any.
08:50There were no ideas outside?
08:51No.
08:54Right.
08:55Charlotte says, I'm going to have to use my right hand,
08:58because this one doesn't do anything.
09:00Yeah.
09:01Hands are amazing, but this really doesn't really do anything.
09:04It's largely redundant.
09:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:06Yeah, I mean, I'm grateful for it, but it doesn't do...
09:09I did want to ask you about your chosen outfit.
09:12What's the inspiration behind your look?
09:13I've written down middle management to primary school.
09:16That's pretty fair.
09:17Drography teacher.
09:18Do you know what I mean?
09:18RAF reject.
09:19I'm not really sure.
09:21But, I mean, they were quite cheap, and they were available,
09:25and they cover the crucial bits.
09:27Good.
09:28Let's crack on.
09:28OK, well, first up, it's the hugely successful comedian Lee Mack.
09:32So, I'm going to attempt to make you a feast,
09:36using only one hand.
09:38You'd better eat this.
09:40Your time starts.
09:43WHISTLE BLOWS
09:44WHISTLE BLOWS
09:46Please wave, Lee.
09:48Ah!
09:49Ah!
09:51Ah!
09:52Ah!
09:53Waving, Lee.
09:53Ah!
09:54Ah!
09:56Can you keep me up to date with the time, please?
09:58I don't know why I was right.
09:59It doesn't even say in the instruction.
10:0045 seconds left.
10:01Ah!
10:02Ah!
10:03Ah!
10:05Ah!
10:06Ah!
10:08Ah!
10:09Ah!
10:10Ah!
10:10Ah!
10:13Where's that bread gone?
10:1430 seconds.
10:15Where's the bread gone?
10:16Where's the bread gone?
10:17There was bread on there.
10:18Six.
10:19I've dropped everything!
10:23You got it, you got 15 seconds.
10:26Oh, my God!
10:27Oh, my God!
10:27Oh, my God!
10:28Oh, my God!
10:31Oh, my God!
10:35Oh, my God!
10:45This is thirst.
10:49APPLAUSE
10:53Scrubbing it on.
10:54What were you hoping the end result would be?
10:55I genuinely thought I would be able to do something amazing,
10:58that when it came up, you'd be like,
10:59wow, that is pretty impressive.
11:00You kept using the word feast.
11:01Well, it's a feast, isn't it?
11:02You can feast on it.
11:03I admired your ambition.
11:05Thank you.
11:05And the end result was rubbish.
11:07Who's next?
11:08OK, next we're going to see a handypadian Sarah Kendall.
11:13Oh.
11:13Um minuto, start.
11:15Ok. Oh, eu tenho just broken it, eu acho.
11:22Ok.
11:25Ah, ok.
11:30Eu não sei o que é.
11:33Oh, sim, eu canto.
11:36Ok.
11:37Obrigado, Sarah.
11:42Yes.
11:44APPLAUSE
11:48Pretty good.
11:49Thank you.
11:49You're always going to score highly for humiliating Alex Horne.
11:52That's what I figured, and that was the game that I was playing.
11:55It's always going to work.
11:56Yeah.
11:57Lovely pretty lady.
11:58Thank you.
11:59A lot of compliments today.
12:01Sarah, I think it's an excellent attempt.
12:03Thanks.
12:04Next up, it's Charlotte Ritchie.
12:06Did she manage to rapidly develop a skill that usually takes years to master?
12:09Let's find out.
12:11Ok.
12:14Oh, yeah.
12:22Manic.
12:29OK.
12:33I've still got a gorgeous 18 seconds.
12:39I can't do it.
12:43Ah.
12:44Finished?
12:45Yeah.
12:46Goodbye, Charlotte.
12:47Thank you very much.
12:49WHISTLE BLOWS
12:49WHISTLE BLOWS
12:49Oh.
12:51The chair's laughing at me.
12:53LAUGHTER
12:56APPLAUSE
12:57Still convinced it's just your left hand?
12:59It's not very good at doing stuff.
13:01I think that was electric, don't you?
13:03I think if you saw it out of context, of knowing that you'd just learnt it...
13:07OK.
13:07..you'd be thrown out of any theatre in the land.
13:10I thought it was absolutely brilliant.
13:12It was in slow motion, wasn't it?
13:13LAUGHTER
13:15It's called a coin walk.
13:16It normally takes 50 hours to perfect the coin walk.
13:19Right.
13:19She took seven minutes to learn it,
13:21because she also spent two minutes practising waving with the other hand.
13:24LAUGHTER
13:25Jamali, shall we?
13:27Yeah, let's do it, man.
13:28Let's watch Jamali Maddox.
13:46That was you and your guy, was it?
13:48That was me.
13:50Impressive.
13:51There you go.
13:51It was impressive, wasn't it?
13:53Thank you, Jamali.
13:54Thank you.
13:54Just, you know...
13:56Sit down.
13:56Bye-bye.
13:58APPLAUSE
13:59Yeah, it's certainly the best ever example of spinning a cushion on top of a doll I've ever seen.
14:05Can you spin a cushion?
14:06Of course I can.
14:07I don't think you can.
14:08Do you not think?
14:09I know, because I can hear the hater in your toes.
14:12I know you can't do it, and that's what haters do.
14:15You can't do something, you sit on your chair that's been custom-made...
14:17I'm not a hater.
14:18..and you look down on little people.
14:19You know what?
14:20We're not having it anymore, all right?
14:21Yeah, you.
14:22Wearing black, looking slimming.
14:24We get it, all right?
14:25You know what?
14:26It's not looking that slim, is it?
14:27Yeah, yeah.
14:28I have to say, I thought, oh, I can do that, and I tried to spin the cushion.
14:31It's not an easy skill.
14:32I don't think he'll be able to do that.
14:34He can't.
14:34No, it's impossible.
14:35He wouldn't be able to do it.
14:35As soon as one of my manservants brings me it, we'll see, won't we?
14:38Oh, OK.
14:39All right.
14:40OK, it's the man, the myth, the moustache.
14:42It's Mike Wozniak.
14:43Yes, please.
14:45Just got to adjust.
14:48Hmm.
14:49Ah.
14:50Not to worry.
14:52I haven't quite anticipated that.
14:54Quite slippery.
14:55Quite slippery trousers as well.
15:00OK.
15:00Take it away, Mike.
15:02No?
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