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00:35Hello, one and all.
00:37I'm Greg Davis and I am the Taskmaster and this is Taskmaster.
00:42It's a brand new series with a brand new cast and a brand new set of tasks.
00:46But I'm not brand new.
00:48Quite the contrary.
00:49I'm a living relic, an almighty deity, resurrected time and time again.
00:54I'm not as good as God, but I sure am one swell guy.
00:58So, who are the five so desperate to get their hands on my golden goblet
01:03that they would go against the explicit advice of their agents?
01:07Well, let's cast our eyes across five faces of fear and please welcome Alan Davis!
01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15.
01:15.
01:15.
01:15.
01:17.
01:18.
01:19.
01:20.
01:20.
01:22E a Victoria Coran Mitchell!
01:26E agora, para o meu assistente.
01:28Hoje eu introduzo ele em um derogatório de forma,
01:30mas, por um change,
01:31eu pensava que ele podia ler a introdução que eu escrevi para ele.
01:34Agora para você.
01:35Meu nome é Alex e, em entrevista,
01:37eu pretend que Greg e eu são amigos em real.
01:39Mas, em verdade, nós não conhecemos mais.
01:41Também, eu tenho um pouco de um pouco.
01:43É o Gladiqs Forne!
01:49Você quer ver a quick Game Of Whose Face Am I SITTING ON?
01:51Sim, porque eu sei que isso é o preparado banter que você tem para nós.
01:53É um jogo para você.
01:55Eu achei que você gostaria de ver.
01:56Whose face am I SITTING ON, Greg?
01:57Eu não sei, Alex.
01:58Você pode ter 120 guesses.
01:59Ok.
02:02Eu posso fazer um impressionante.
02:04Ok.
02:04Oh, você gostaria de um presente?
02:06A Father Christmas?
02:07Sim.
02:08A Father Christmas?
02:09Sim.
02:09Você pode ser muito bom.
02:10Você não pode ser feito em Father Christmas.
02:13Oh, sim, você pode.
02:16Sim.
02:17Sim.
02:17Sim.
02:18Sim.
02:18Sim.
02:20Sim.
02:21Sim.
02:22Sim.
02:38Sim.
02:40Sim.
02:40Sim.
02:40Sim.
02:41Sim.
02:42Sim.
02:43Sim.
02:46Sim.
02:50Sim.
02:52Sim.
02:52Sim.
02:53Sim.
02:55Sim.
03:03Sim.
03:05Sim.
03:06Sim.
03:07Sim.
03:09Sim.
03:20Sim.
03:22Sim.
03:23Sim.
03:24Sim.
03:24Sim.
03:24Você tem que recharse, então há um limite de tempo para você
03:28para que você faça vibrar a sua cabeça, Alan, e aí, meu amigo, é onde o mundo se força.
03:38Tess, Tess, Tess, Tess,
03:39A mais confortável coisa, eu acho, é o planeta Terra, são os boobos,
03:43e você não pode colocar os boobos em uma bag, porque é um sucesso,
03:46mas você pode fazer uma replicação de um boobo,
03:49então o que nós tínhamos foram os chiquinhos cutletes que, tipo, replicatam boobos?
03:54Sim, os pequenos, que vão boobos, e eles se sentem boobos em uma bag.
03:59Aqui tem um monte de boobos para você, ok?
04:01Estáticos boobos, no variety, no variation, no rotation.
04:05Eu, eu, eu, você pode ir para um monte de boobos se você quiser e ir para um boobos,
04:09tudo bem?
04:09Para ser honesto, eles podem ir lá, mas nós conseguimos chegar a gente com os boobos.
04:14Sim, você não conseguiu chegar a gente com os boobos em uma bag?
04:22Guz, o que você trouxe?
04:24Eu trouxe um chair e colocou em uma bag.
04:29Aqui está o chair, é o mesmo que ele está no momento.
04:32Então ele não tem um chair, ele é só...
04:34Não, ele não tem um boobos, mas você não tem um.
04:35É importante que você e eu form um bondo de honestidade a esteja em uma série,
04:39então eu vou perguntar isso agora.
04:42Na última hora, você acha que eu vou dizer que eu trouxe esse chair?
04:47Sim, um pouco.
04:48Sim, um pouco.
04:49Sim, um pouco.
04:49Morgana.
04:50Morgana.
04:52O que você trouxe?
04:54Eu trouxe um...
04:54Um...
04:55Um...
04:55Um...
04:56Um...
04:56Um...
04:56Um...
04:56Um...
04:57Um...
04:58Um...
04:59Um...
05:02Um...
05:16Um...
05:46Um...
05:47Um...
05:51Um...
05:53Um...
05:54Um...
06:21Um...
06:27Um...
06:28Um...
06:34Um...
06:37Um...
06:38Um...
06:39Um...
06:40Um...
06:40Um...
06:40Um...
07:04Um...
07:05Um...
07:06Um...
07:07Um...
07:33Um...
07:35Um...
08:03Um...
08:07Um...
08:11Um...
08:13Um...
08:13Um...
08:15Um...
08:44Um...
08:46Um...
08:46Um...
08:47Um...
08:54Um...
08:56Um...
08:56Uh...
08:58Hello.
08:58Hello.
09:00Do you have a ball with you?
09:02No.
09:02Why, why am I looking in here?
09:04This doesn't make any-
09:05sense.
09:06Uh...
09:06Okay, abort.
09:07Ofbort.
09:07Abort.
09:12I don't need two, do I?
09:15Wait, wha...
09:17I thought we couldn't-
09:20It says you can't hide.
09:22This is, this is a ball
09:24Alright, where's the Alex?
09:28But you can't hide
09:30Not there, okay
09:32Well this is ridiculous
09:34Are you watching all this on camera
09:36and knowing where to go?
09:37Because that is horrible
09:40This is hiding
09:43If I can't see you
09:45it's hiding
09:48Where have you hidden this tall man?
09:51There he goes
09:54There, right
09:57I'm not good at throwing
09:59I'm so sorry
10:05Okay, where the hell haven't I looked?
10:08Oh hello
10:11Should have run
10:12But I saw you
10:15Stop doing the thing
10:16I know you're doing me
10:20No
10:26What a blow
10:27You're running, you're running
10:29I'm not allowed to run
10:32There
10:32There
10:34There
10:37I've got the cord
10:37That is the most exercise I've done since I was at school
10:46That's right
10:47There's a book of Taskmaster quotes
10:49And stop doing the thing I know you're doing
10:54He's going
10:56Immediately into it
10:57Desiree spent the longest looking for the ball
10:59We didn't expect that to be
11:03What I enjoyed though is your natural anger towards Alex
11:06And for you to feel rage this early bodes very well for you
11:11Now it seems to me
11:13Victoria
11:14You were buffled by the rules of the game
11:16And you sought to impose your own rules
11:19If I can't see you it's hiding
11:23Is everyone you can't see now hiding from you
11:28I thought that I'd found him
11:30Okay there he is
11:31Great
11:31Now I'll get the ball
11:33And then I came back and he wasn't there
11:34That is hiding
11:35I had moved
11:36That's true
11:36How did they both do?
11:38Victoria was the slower of the two
11:397 minutes 24
11:40But only 63 seconds quicker over here
11:43Six minutes and three seconds is in the lead at the moment
11:46There we are
11:46Six minutes spent looking for the ball
11:49Yeah
11:49Yeah
11:49Yeah
11:50We've learnt that Desiree and Victoria prefer not to travel above walking pace
11:54But are Alan and Guz more au fait with urgency?
11:58Let's find out
12:00I think I'll find a ball first
12:23It's annoying
12:24Because I saw him and he's gone
12:26But he's not hiding
12:27He's just moved
12:28Ali?
12:30Ali!
12:38Yeah?
12:40Ali?
12:41Yeah?
12:43Ali?
12:44Yes?
12:45Ali!
12:51I've looked at all the bits
12:55Ali?
12:57Hello?
12:58Ali!
12:59Ali?
13:01Oi!
13:04Talvez eu só tenha um snack,
13:07pois eu não posso falar com ele.
13:09Guz?
13:13Hello, Guz?
13:16Ali?
13:20Guz?
13:23Isto é onde você pode ir?
13:25Isto é um upstairs?
13:28Ali?
13:29Sim?
13:37Ali?
13:39Ali?
13:41Ali?
13:43Oh!
13:44I was calling you for like half an hour.
13:46I was calling you.
13:48Pictures of Alex with the ball.
13:54Oh!
13:55Get on me!
13:56Ha, ha, ha!
13:58Ha, ha, ha!
13:58Ha, ha, ha!
13:59Ha, ha, ha!
13:59Ha, ha, ha!
14:01Ha, ha, ha!
14:02Two, um, very different energies there.
14:05And I have to say that normally when we do a series, it takes a few episodes for the tired
14:11middle age contestant to make themselves known.
14:15Ha, ha, ha, ha!
14:16Ha, ha, ha!
14:17I'd like to thank Alan for plodding around the house before stopping for a snack.
14:25Ha, ha, ha, ha!
14:34Ha, ha, ha!
14:35Have you got any heavier balls than this?
14:37Like, I really wanted to do...
14:38You did want to hurt him.
14:39...some substantial damage, yeah.
14:40This is good, my boy.
14:41Ha, ha, ha!
14:42Thank you, thank you.
14:43OK.
14:43So, who did better?
14:44The, er, psychopath who was in pursuit of you, or my lovely uncle?
14:49Ha, ha, ha, ha!
14:51Well, bearing in mind we thought Victoria's time was slow, Alan was three minutes slower than Victoria, ten minutes twenty
14:56-two, but Guz was also five seconds slower than Victoria, so, er, seven minutes twenty-nine.
15:01Well, how was only the benchmark for slowness?
15:04What we found out is I moved quite fast, that's what we've established.
15:07Nice.
15:08Who's left?
15:09It's time for the Morgana show.
15:11Ready?
15:12Ready!
15:12Toss it.
15:14Ball!
15:15Balls!
15:18Does anyone know?
15:20Are there any balls, anyway?
15:21Well, I mean, I've got to find a ball.
15:22Oh!
15:23I know where a ball is!
15:31I've just seen him, the little fucker, but I don't have a ball!
15:34Wait, wait, wait, wait!
15:47Go on.
15:48Oh!
15:50A CIDADE NO BRASIL
16:20A BIT OF VERVE
16:21Quite a ducky run, though, haven't I?
16:23Which I wasn't aware of
16:24A slightly ducky run
16:25I thought you looked like a primed athlete
16:26Victoria, under her breath during it, said
16:28So athletic
16:29Yeah
16:31I love sitting next to Victoria
16:34I barely give them out
16:35I think there's been a handful of occasions across 11 series
16:38I'm going to give Morgana a bonus point for her attempt
16:41Before we even give her a score
16:43Why are you giving Morgana a bonus point?
16:45You would think it was because you set a trap for Alex
16:48Which I really enjoyed and thought
16:50I'm going to give her an extra point for that
16:51So clever, but it's not
16:52It's because you called Alex a little fucker
16:53Oh
16:54That's funny
16:56Mate, a bonus point
16:57Yep
16:58You are setting quite a precedent there
16:59Yeah
17:02And I probably said quite a few in the show, actually
17:05Yeah, well, let's watch those points rack up
17:07LAUGHTER
17:09Listen, I can't fault it
17:10It was a spirited attempt
17:12Was it a good time, though?
17:14It was five times faster than Uncle Alan
17:16Two minutes and four seconds
17:17Oh, what?
17:19Alan
17:19Fantastic
17:21Fantastic
17:21Fantastic
17:21So, tell me some stuff
17:22Yes, well, Alan only gets one point
17:24Then it was Guz
17:25Then Victoria
17:26Then Desiree
17:27Morgana
17:28I mean, this is unprecedented
17:29Gets six points
17:31I don't have a six function on this
17:32But I...
17:33Five plus one
17:33So Morgana wins the task
17:35CHEERING
17:38Go on, then
17:39Let's have a scoreboard
17:40OK, well, Guz and Alan are at the bottom
17:42And Desiree's at the top with nine points
17:44CHEERING
17:45Well done, Desiree
17:47Well done
17:48What's next?
17:50It's a creeping task
17:51For our creepy cast
18:09Hello
18:11Welcome, Alan
18:13This is a creeper
18:14Please, can you lie down on it?
18:17Now?
18:17Yes
18:19I don't feel like I've got full range of movement in this outfit
18:22No?
18:22Belly, do you want me to go belly first?
18:24No
18:24Black first?
18:25Yes, please
18:25Oh
18:26All right
18:27It's called a car creeper
18:29Is this how you get underneath cars to fix them?
18:31Yes, it is
18:32Little head, the rest is on the little black pillow
18:34Comfortable?
18:35I mean, I've been more comfortable
18:38Here it comes
18:40Paint the most flattering picture of the taskmaster in action
18:45On the canvas in the lab
18:50OK
18:51The canvas will either be six inches or six feet above you
18:57You must lie flat on your back
18:59On the creeper at all times
19:02You have ten minutes
19:03Oh shit, oh yeah
19:05Your time starts now
19:07And you must tell Alex if you want
19:08The canvas to be six inches or six feet above you
19:11Within the next ten seconds
19:13Hmm
19:14I think I want it six
19:16Ah, damn it
19:18But Alex, if it's six feet
19:22How would I reach it?
19:23Good question
19:24With a very long paintbrush?
19:25Six inches
19:27Six inches
19:28I think I'll go six feet
19:31Six feet?
19:32Yeah
19:32Up we go
19:33All right then, Alan
19:35Six inches
19:36I'll go six feet
19:37Good luck
19:38Thank you
19:39You must stay lying down, though
19:40Oh
19:44All right, good
19:45Now, I'm not going to make a feature of this throughout the series
19:48Because it would become very tiresome
19:49But I will point out that everybody agonised over the height of the canvas
19:54Above their heads
19:55Apart from Alan
19:56Who, when he said, I think I'll go six feet
19:58May as well have said, what does it matter?
20:00I'll be dead soon
20:03I found Gus Card absolutely adorable for one beat during that introduction
20:08He became a ten-year-old boy
20:10And I wanted to hold him
20:12Yes, I can
20:13I think I've got the beat here
20:14Here it is
20:15Back first
20:16Yes, please
20:16Oh
20:20Yes
20:22Cute little thing
20:24Right, Alex
20:25There's the six-footers, Alan and Victoria
20:27And the six inches, Morgana, Desiree and Gus
20:30Here's how all of them got on
20:33I don't really know where the lab is
20:36Where am I going?
20:41Oh, well
20:43Okay
20:43I'll take it with me
20:47This is the most bizarre, unnerving experience
20:50Am I in the lab yet?
20:52Whoa
20:53Fuck
20:54Okay, sorry
20:55Oh, it's not coming in an MRI
20:56Well, this is way closer
20:58This is six inches
20:59Guys always think this is six inches
21:01This is five
21:02I tell you what
21:03Six feet is further than I thought it would be
21:06What can I do it with?
21:08I provided you with some paints
21:09And what about if I had gone past them?
21:12Is this a joke?
21:16Oh, shit
21:17That's the kind of position I like to be in, brother
21:19When I'm at work, you know what I mean?
21:21This is not a task
21:23This is a nightmare
21:25Where?
21:26Where?
21:27Oh, I see
21:27Oh, this is
21:28Oh, my God
21:29Oh, look at all this shit
21:31Okay
21:32Ah
21:34Oh, lovely, okay
21:35Have you got any brushes on poles?
21:37Paint brushes?
21:38Where were they?
21:40Yeah, I feel like this is the first Tasbro
21:42Where
21:44I really feel zen-like, you know
21:46What you've done is
21:48Reduced the ability for me to
21:50Cause chaos, do you know what I mean?
21:55What are these?
21:56Big pencils?
21:58It's just a stick
21:59Oh
22:02I'm exhausted
22:03I can't see any brushes
22:06Guys, this is a winder
22:07Oh, you little bastards!
22:11I genuinely wouldn't mind
22:12If you extended this task
22:14To three and a half hours
22:15Let's get some features on this blab
22:18I think it's just disappointing
22:20The way this has been organised
22:21To be honest with you
22:24I'm just going to concentrate on eyebrows
22:27It's a gold throne, isn't it?
22:29That he sits on
22:29I've got no fucking gold
22:31You've got six and a half minutes
22:32Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no
22:34There wasn't a time thing on the actual thing
22:36There was
22:39I wish I'd done six inches
22:43Anyone can paint from six feet
22:45Well, this is too long
22:47This is not how painting should be done
22:49I've strained every muscle in my body
22:52Try not to brush
22:53I've still got some time
22:54If there's some kind of bowel movements from me
22:57It's a natural part of life, isn't it?
23:0020 seconds
23:00Oh, come on
23:0120 seconds to give a man a soul
23:03Do you know what I think is the problem?
23:05It's the paintbrush
23:07This is not uplifting for people
23:10Wow
23:10This is awful
23:17Did you expect for the first time in your life to find inner peace whilst trapped under a canvas?
23:23Listen, absolutely not
23:24You learn something new about yourself every day
23:25But it was a very nice break from running around like a dickhead all day
23:30I just want to say, though
23:31I was covered in paint
23:33And I had to go two and a half hours back to carve
23:35And the brother that was driving me back said
23:38I don't want you to have any paint on my car
23:41So the whole Zen-like thing didn't last that long
23:44It was well sort of Sistine Chapel vibes
23:46Let's imagine
23:47Yeah, it's very Michelangelo
23:49Yeah
23:49Unlike Desiree, who shouted
23:52Whoa, fuck!
23:56That's right
23:57When she got her canvas
23:59And there's a fight feeling to you, Morgana
24:02I feel watching you that any minute
24:03You could just smash everything up and run away
24:05But it was very contained
24:07It was composed
24:08I don't think that Victoria knew what show she was signing up to
24:15Alan, you'll be pleased to know you've made it into the Taskmaster Heritage Book of Quotes
24:21With, oh, come on, 20 seconds to give a man a soul
24:26And I can't wait to see my soul
24:28Well, I thought it'd be nice to see the six inches first
24:30So we can compare and contrast
24:31Five
24:32Five
24:33A gentleman's six
24:37Well, Desiree
24:38They tried to get some faces on the blob
24:39That was her quote
24:40And this is what she did
24:41Yeah
24:43I love that
24:44That's nice
24:45Very expressive
24:46There's a lot of action in that
24:47You were also, um, emerging from the sea
24:49Is it a reflection of him at the top?
24:51There was a sort of, uh, myth of Narcissus thing going on
24:54With, uh, your reflection
24:55Rippling in the water
24:57That you just destroyed
24:58Because you were in action
24:59Right
25:00Just really bullshitted that one
25:02Yeah, yeah
25:02Great
25:03We've got Guz next
25:05Yes
25:05He did that
25:08I think he's very excellent
25:12Yeah, obviously, in my spare time
25:15I do enjoy smoking a big reefer
25:18What are the hunt prints?
25:19Kind of like a signature
25:20Like a, what do you call it?
25:22Signature
25:22Signature, yeah
25:23He's got your bags, hasn't he, Greg?
25:25Under the eyes
25:25Yeah, yeah
25:26I know
25:26I noticed them
25:27I was giving him the benefit of the day
25:29Right
25:30The last six-incher is Morgana
25:32Here we go
25:33Oh, that looks like a majestic deer
25:36You're playing football, by the way
25:37Oh, am I?
25:38Yeah, that's a ball and a net on the left there
25:41You've just scored a goal
25:42But you're still a little bit pissed off
25:44So, hence the eyebrows
25:45Oh, they're eyebrows
25:47A couple of quotes from Morgana
25:48He's basically all eyebrows
25:49He's got a pointy nose
25:50He's nostrally and angry
25:52He's basically all eyebrows
25:53Thanks, Alex
25:54Thanks
25:55Who's next?
25:56Well, Alan said you've got a dark soul
25:58You're red in the face
25:58And you're piggy-eyed
25:59And he did this picture
26:04I like it
26:05Up to the last second
26:06You didn't have any eyes at all
26:08And it really looked terrifying
26:09Yeah
26:09But I really have given you a soul
26:12There and now
26:12Who wouldn't want that man?
26:14He was making The Rage of Taskmaster
26:16That was his title
26:17Well, The Rage of Taskmaster comes through
26:18I like the face
26:19OK, well, there's one left
26:21It's sort of the minimal approach
26:22This is Victoria's painting
26:24Oh, here we go
26:25Oh, come on, Victoria
26:30You've got to dig deep
26:31We're here for ten weeks
26:35I don't know if my self-esteem
26:37Was going to survive this series
26:40I...
26:41Desiree
26:41You did The Myth of Narcissus
26:46I couldn't do it with her face
26:48That would be more like me
26:49If you'd just fallen into it
26:53OK, well, here are all five for you
26:55Greg
26:56Unfortunately
26:57Yep
26:57Even though I'm worried about her
26:59I'm going to give Victoria one point
27:01One point
27:02Well done, Victoria
27:03I'm grateful for that
27:32I'm going to give Morgana two points
27:33I think we should too
27:34And this one involves me running my very own shop
27:37Ooh
27:53Pop the balloon
27:54What balloon?
28:00Ah, you must stay behind the rope at all times
28:06This, ah, this rope here
28:08Let's not move the rope
28:10You may buy the tools you need with time
28:13That's Shakespeare
28:14You may buy the tools you need with time
28:16It is Shakespeare
28:17You're right
28:18Fastest wins
28:19My time starts when Alex has shown me his tool shop
28:24Awesome
28:25OK
28:26Hello, Alan
28:27Hello
28:27This is my tool shop
28:29Nice
28:29I can offer you a slingshot and a bucket of stones for one minute
28:33OK
28:33The pebbles cost you one minute thirty per pebble
28:36Are you OK?
28:40Yes
28:42I'm getting the concept
28:44Yeah, OK
28:44Two minutes per fork
28:46Or the darts are two minutes thirty
28:48Of course
28:49The rubber ducks are free, Alan
28:52We've also got these nice portcullis scissors
28:54And that costs you eight minutes
28:56And with them you snip the string behind you
28:59And see what happens
29:00But that's the only time you're allowed to touch the string
29:02But is it going to take you eight minutes of the time?
29:04That will take you eight minutes, yes
29:05Then, brother, this is not sensible
29:10Alex, yes
29:11I'm very excited to see your pop shop in action
29:14I really love this one
29:15We're going to start with
29:19Morgana and Gav
29:21Hello, sir, what would you like?
29:22OK
29:24Can I have some darts, please?
29:25I'm just going to have some darts, please
29:26How many darts would you like?
29:28I can have two
29:28Two darts
29:29That will cost you five minutes
29:31One dart is two minutes and thirty seconds
29:34Would you like one dart?
29:35This is a rip-off, this shop
29:39That was all scoring the concrete
29:41It's church concrete
29:42Are we going to have it repaired?
29:43Yeah, I'll have it repaired
29:48Can I try one more dart?
29:49Yes
29:51Oh, hello
29:52I'll take the lot
29:58Oh, so close
30:01You know what I'm going to do?
30:03I'm going to have another dart
30:09Can you explain to me how the slingshot works?
30:11If you're using the slingshot, we both have to wear goggles
30:15Can I touch one of those ducks?
30:17The ducks are free
30:18The ducks are free?
30:19What sort of shop is this?
30:23It's quite aggressive
30:24Welcome back
30:30That deserved to pop
30:32There is an imbalance in the pop-ability of the balloon
30:43You're good at that
30:43Can I have a refund?
30:45No
30:45That'll be seven minutes and thirty, please
30:50I'll have a duck
30:51Ducks are free
30:52Here's a duck
30:55Oh, missed by a bee stick
30:57Pardon?
30:59Well, you already doubted me with that
31:00You didn't have to even say a word
31:02Because I've been to school again
31:10Oh, for fuck's sake
31:18Can I have the scissors, please?
31:21That'll be eight minutes
31:29I've stopped the clock
31:31Brother, there's a word
31:32I've never used it before in life
31:33It's called hindsight
31:38Why have you never used the word hindsight before?
31:41Just not in my...
31:42It's amazing that you're asking him to look back on that
31:44Yeah, look back on that
31:46It's beautiful
31:47Oh, I really, mate
31:48Shall I tell you some times?
31:49Oh, here we go
31:50Gus, eight minutes without the time penalties
31:54It was a total of 36 minutes 58
31:56You could have listened to the theme tune to Last of the Summer Wine 53 times
32:00Morgana, 84 last of the summer wine theme tunes
32:03Oh
32:03That's 56 minutes altogether
32:05Because there are 13 darts
32:06Four pebbles
32:07Scissors
32:08And actual time as well
32:09Lovely
32:10Would you like to see Queen Victoria II all by herself?
32:13Yes, please
32:14Here she is
32:15I'll have a dart, please
32:16OK
32:17The dart will cost you 2 minutes 30
32:19Thank you, madam
32:20Thank you
32:27I'll have another dart, please
32:28Oh, welcome back
32:29Yeah, that will cost you 2 minutes 30
32:34Oh, hello
32:35I'll have a dart, please
32:36How can I help you?
32:37A dart
32:40You did good
32:41Hello again
32:42Go on, give me a duck
32:44I just want to just...
32:45It's a duck
32:45Ducks are free
32:46I mean, this is...
32:47Why would it...
32:47I can't even hit the thing
32:48Duck, duck, duck
32:49I'll have three ducks, please
32:50Of course
32:51Any particular ducks?
32:52I don't mind
32:52A duck
32:53I'm using the ducks to practice aim
32:56OK, I'll have a dart, please
32:57Hello there
32:58A dart, that will cost you 2 minutes 30
32:59Lovely
33:01Oh
33:03I've already used more than 8 minutes, haven't I?
33:06Quite a lot more
33:06I think the move might be to just take the scissors in the first place
33:09Ah
33:10OK
33:13Oh
33:21I'll stop the clock
33:22That's so satisfying
33:23That was so worth it
33:24I don't care if it had taken three days
33:26That was so worth it
33:27Mmm
33:28S...
33:29K...
33:29K...
33:29K...
33:30Ah
33:31That was really good
33:33That was very impressive too
33:35Lovely, now we're cooking
33:36You enjoyed that one, right?
33:38I did enjoy it
33:38You didn't bank on Victoria using ducks to practice her aim, did you?
33:43I did not
33:43It was a nine-dark finish
33:4425 minutes 30 was her total time
33:47Which puts Victoria in the lead
33:48By miles
33:49By miles
33:50Oh
33:51Well, that's nice
33:52Last up, it's Alan D and Desi B
33:55Yeah, yeah
33:57I'm gonna...
33:58I'm not confident I can hit that with a dart first time
34:01There is a slingshot
34:03I would love to purchase one
34:05Right
34:05Well, that'll cost you 1 minute
34:07I'm quite tempted by the scissors in that
34:09And that'll make it drop on it
34:10Yeah, I think that's the one I wanted to
34:12You'd like some scissors?
34:12Yeah
34:13OK, this will cost you 8 minutes
34:14OK, thanks
34:15There we go
34:18Um
34:22Oh, eat it
34:23OK, you know what?
34:25Um, I'm gonna go ahead and buy some scissors
34:28Oh, you're gonna buy the scissors?
34:31Brrrr
34:32Oh, OK, you know what?
34:34Um, you know what?
34:35I just, I think I'm gonna come for some ducks
34:36Oh, right
34:42Hi there
34:43How can I help you?
34:43I would like to purchase those three darts
34:46Three darts?
34:46Yeah
34:47Nope
34:49God, no
34:53Ding dong
34:54Hi
34:54Let's go ahead and buy three forks
34:56Why not?
34:57Six minutes
35:01No
35:02Hello there
35:03I think I'd like to get another slingshot
35:04Another slingshot?
35:05OK
35:07What is wrong with your rocks?
35:12You keep hitting it with the stones
35:14Now this is getting ridiculous
35:16Yeah
35:16Ding dong
35:17Oh, hello, madam
35:18I would love to get another set of darts
35:21No, maybe
35:22Definitely not
35:24Hi there
35:25Ding dong
35:25One fork and six ducks
35:33Ding dong
35:34I think I would love to get some forks
35:36Well, I've got a bucket of forks here
35:37How much is the bucket?
35:39That'll cost you an hour
35:40That's an hour, Will's, but
35:41Sir, you've got yourself a deal
35:42Enjoy your fork
35:43Thank you so much
35:51Oh, I didn't even know how to throw forks
35:53Look at this
35:54Yeah
36:12Hello, madam
36:13Ding dong, sir
36:14How can I help you?
36:15You know what?
36:16Can I get some scissors?
36:17Some scissors?
36:18You've got one pair left
36:19They cost eight minutes
36:21In your own time, Alan
36:22OK
36:23Right, Owen
36:32Stop the clock
36:33That was very killable
36:34Ding dong
36:38Ding dong
36:41Ding dong
36:44That would have been great
36:46If I could have aimed the scissors
36:48Are you kidding me?
36:50What the fuck was that?
36:52Stop the clock
36:53Does the clock still have time inside of it?
36:56It's nearly run out
36:57Thank you, Desiree
36:58Thank you
37:03Right
37:08Right, well, before we get to the main course
37:10Let's deal with the starter
37:12What happened there, Alan?
37:13Have a snack
37:14You wanted to go and eat?
37:16There's no way I'm going to hit that balloon from here
37:17That's what I thought
37:18Very efficient
37:19Eight minutes
37:20A minute thinking
37:20So a minute plus eight
37:22Nine minutes for Alan
37:22So he is the winner of the task
37:24Five points
37:25Well done, Alan
37:26No
37:27OK, look
37:28For the record
37:29When I got up there
37:30My head went
37:32Get the scissors
37:33It's worth the time
37:34But I was like
37:35That is not the game
37:36That is not the show
37:38That's boring
37:39And I was like
37:40Like Alan
37:40Yeah, if I just win it
37:42That's boring
37:44Whatever that attempt was
37:46It wasn't boring
37:47And it looked like we'd set up that portcullis not to work
37:51But it was genuine, wasn't it?
37:52The portcullis was meant to work
37:53But it had lost the will to live
37:55And listen, I'm going to call it the 12 series
37:59That's the worst attempt we've ever seen at any task
38:02Thank you
38:03APPLAUSE
38:06The time?
38:07It's an entire series of Last of the Summer Wine
38:09Two hours, 57 minutes
38:11Wow
38:11So Desiree gets just the one point
38:13Morgana, two
38:14Guz, three
38:15Victoria, four
38:16And Alan Davis
38:18Five points
38:18There you go
38:20APPLAUSE
38:21It's not always about being entertaining, is it?
38:25LAUGHTER
38:26Quick look at the scores then
38:28Yes, it's a close one
38:29All five of them could win with one task to go
38:32But Alan is in the lead at the moment with 14 points
38:34Wow
38:35APPLAUSE
38:36Here we go
38:37All right then, everyone
38:38Please make your way to the stage
38:40For the final task of the show
38:41APPLAUSE
38:47Hello
38:47Hello, Greg
38:48Hello, everyone
38:49Who will you be choosing to read up the task, young fellow, my lad?
38:53Victoria
38:56Write down a cool hobby, a fun animal and a famous person
39:00You have 30 seconds
39:01And those 30 seconds start
39:03BUZZ
39:04I'll repeat them for anyone struggling
39:07It's a cool hobby
39:09Ooh
39:09It's a fun animal
39:11Lovely
39:11It's a famous person
39:13BUZZ
39:14Thanks, guys
39:16How are you getting on with the picking up?
39:18Not great, I hurt my back a little bit
39:20Oh, my God
39:21LAUGHTER
39:23Greg, I've got news
39:24There's a second part to the task
39:26Oh, what, you trickster?
39:28Oh
39:28Strike a pose
39:30To represent first your cool hobby
39:33Then your fun animal
39:34Then your famous person
39:36You will have 10 seconds to strike a pose
39:38And must then hold the pose until the end of the round
39:41The taskmaster will attempt to guess what each pose represents
39:45You may not make a noise or movement when posed
39:49And just so you know, I am notoriously bad at these games
39:53Please strike a pose to represent your cool hobby
39:57BUZZ
39:58Oh, my God
40:01Oh, my God
40:02OK, what do you think Alan is doing?
40:03I think Alan is making a model
40:07I can't give you that
40:09He's doing surfgarmy
40:11It's surfing with origami
40:12Surfgarmy
40:13OK
40:14No points for Alan so far
40:15What do you think Desiree is doing?
40:17I think Desiree is in a cool bowling alley
40:21Yes
40:22Yes, Andrew
40:22Correct
40:24Yay
40:24What cool hobby is Guz Khan pretending to do?
40:28Oh
40:29I was going to say trampolining and that's a mid-air trampolining boat
40:32Oh
40:33It's not right, it's a bobsleigh ting
40:34Oh
40:35Of course it's a bobsleigh ting
40:36Yee
40:37OK, it's Morgana's turn now
40:39She is currently representing a cool hobby
40:40Tell me tellers?
40:42Correct
40:42Nice
40:43Wow
40:43Finally, Victoria Corrin Mitchell
40:46OK
40:46I think she's on the wall of death on a motorbike
40:48No, I don't
40:50She's kayaking
40:52She's doing ice sculpture
40:54Oh, of course it was ice sculpture
40:56It's a cool joke
40:57Cool
40:57It was a literal cool thing
41:00OK
41:01Please pose as your fun animal
41:03You have ten seconds
41:05Animal
41:05Starting
41:14Alan is one funky orangutan
41:16Unfortunately not
41:17He's gone for a zebronki
41:19Oh
41:20Oh zebronki?
41:21Is it between a monkey and a zebra?
41:22Yeah, it's half zebra half monkey
41:24OK
41:24We move on to Desiree Birch
41:26It just might be a really fun rabbit
41:29Ooh
41:30It's the rabbit's cousin, the hamster
41:32That famous hamster pose
41:35Now then
41:36Guz has used his clothing
41:38What animal is that?
41:39I think that is a duckbill platypus
41:42It's an aardvark
41:43Oh
41:44The beak of the aardvark
41:46Quacking away then
41:48What animal is she?
41:50She's a fun puppy
41:51But I'd like to know what breed you think she is
41:53Oh, she's a fun little Labrador
41:55She's a sausage puppy
41:57Look how long I am
41:58Yeah, you're long
41:58You are long
41:59Is it half a point for puppy?
42:01Yeah, yeah, yeah
42:02So what do you think Victoria Corrin Mitchell is representing?
42:04It's got to be a lovely fun cat
42:05It's more fun than a cat
42:07It's an otter
42:08Oh, they are fun as well
42:10So fun
42:11You've got ten seconds to pose as your famous person
42:13OK
42:18OK, so they've all posed
42:21Good luck with us, Greg
42:22Well, he's an artist of some kind
42:24Which one?
42:25He's Salvador Dali
42:26He's Tony Hart
42:27Of course he's Tony Hart
42:29All right
42:29Move on to Desiree Birch
42:31It's a film star
42:33Which film star?
42:35It's Macaulay Culkin
42:37Oh, it's Will Smith
42:38Oh
42:39So close
42:41Now then
42:42Guz Khan
42:43My initial feeling is
42:44It's Hugh Edwards
42:45The news presenter
42:47Give me a minute
42:49It's the big JC, isn't it?
42:51It is the big JC
42:52It's Jesus Christ
42:53Oh, wow
42:54It is
42:55Without question
42:56Madonna
42:57Morgana is a different pop star
42:59She's Cheryl Cole
43:00I was thinking Vogue
43:02No, for fuck's sake
43:03It is so cold
43:05I know
43:07And finally
43:08Victoria
43:09What can it be?
43:11With two hands out like that
43:13And no tangible expression
43:16Well, I mean that's pretty accurate
43:19It's Neville Chamberlain
43:21Actually not that far off
43:24It's John Craven
43:25Hey
43:27Well done everyone
43:28Come back down here
43:29And we'll add all that
43:30To the final scores
43:33APPLAUSE
43:35Here we are
43:37That was exciting, wasn't it?
43:38It was lovely to have
43:39John Craven and Jesus on the show
43:43And you did some good guessing
43:44You got one of Desiree's right
43:46You got one of Guz's right
43:48I did
43:48But one and a half of Morgana's
43:50Hey
43:51So she takes the full five points
43:53Well done Morgana
43:53Well done Morgana
43:56There's also one point each
43:57To Victoria and Alan
43:58For coming last
43:59And three points each
44:00For Guz and Desiree
44:02There you go
44:03Something for nothing
44:04Yeah
44:05Which means
44:06The final scoreboard
44:07It's been a tight opening episode
44:09I'm very excited
44:10I genuinely don't know who's won
44:11The winner with 17 points
44:13Is Morgana Robinson
44:15There it is
44:16APPLAUSE
44:17Morgana Robinson wins
44:19Please go and have a celebratory
44:21Sit on your prizes
44:22CHEERING
44:25So what have we learnt today?
44:27Well, we've learnt that life
44:28Is a continuous struggle
44:30But if you apply yourself
44:31You can learn new skills
44:32Make new friends
44:34And do great things
44:36We've also learnt
44:37You should never borrow
44:38Alan Davies' toothbrush
44:41It saves the second instalment
44:42But for now
44:43Our first winner is
44:44Morgana Robinson
44:47APPLAUSE
45:11To DC
45:12Watching
45:12Was the main cause
45:14To MRT
45:15Because of the all
45:16Media
45:16Tocknowled
45:16My Big
45:16To
45:16To You
45:21To
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