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00:06A CIDADE NO BRASIL
00:35Hello, and a very warm welcome to this landmark episode in Taskmaster history.
00:41Today is our 100th episode.
00:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:47Over the years, 65 brave competitors have completed over 500 tasks,
00:52and as a result, I have handed out over 7,700 points during my time as Taskmaster.
00:58But I thought, on this special occasion,
01:01I would shine a light on the unsung hero of the show, my faithful assistant.
01:06Tonight's all about Alex.
01:09I know he gets nervous public speaking, so I've prepared everything for him.
01:13Alex, enjoy.
01:18I look like a big human shrew.
01:21LAUGHTER
01:22Do you think?
01:24Psssss!
01:25Let's get on with the 100th show!
01:27APPLAUSE
01:28Your competitors are...
01:30Alan Davis!
01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:34Desiree Mertz,
01:35Gus Khan,
01:37Morgana Robinson,
01:39and Victoria Corrin-Mitchell.
01:42And a man who I know for a fact touts his bop-bop before bed.
01:47For the 100th time, please welcome...
01:49..of Little Alex Hall!
01:52APPLAUSE
01:52Thank you, guys.
01:55APPLAUSE
01:55I've pleased with Shrew.
01:56Here's the resemblance.
01:57LAUGHTER
01:57That's the 100th time you've introduced me.
02:00And it's the 100th time we're going to have a bit of banter now, aren't we?
02:03Yes. Well, I've done a visual representation of the 100 episodes.
02:05OK.
02:05100 yellow squares.
02:06The pink ones are my favourite episodes.
02:08They're the three times you've praised me.
02:10That's in the series.
02:11LAUGHTER
02:11Each time it's been good boy.
02:13And I wondered, cos I'm a GB, if I could do my party trick.
02:16You most certainly may.
02:17And it's quite a good party trick.
02:19If you've got a party, this is how to get it going.
02:20If I bend my middle finger on my left hand,
02:23it makes quite a loud noise.
02:26Oh!
02:27And we're off!
02:29LAUGHTER
02:30Wow.
02:30Do you know the weird thing about that?
02:31I was just thinking,
02:32I'm starting to find your relationship quite erotic.
02:36LAUGHTER
02:37And you did that thing with your finger and...
02:39And that's the thing that ruined it.
02:41LAUGHTER
02:42It's really starting to gel.
02:44LAUGHTER
02:45Oh, well.
02:46What is the 100th prize task?
02:49Fittingly, the category is the most elegant thing beginning with G.
02:54Oh!
02:55Of course, I can only really hope to bring in the second most elegant thing
02:57beginning with G, because you, Greg, are the most elegant thing
02:59beginning with G by 100 miles.
03:01You're so elegant.
03:02Still, whoever brings in the next most elegant thing that begins with G
03:05will be rewarded with a big five-point handout,
03:08and at the end of the episode, the winner will take home five elegant Gs.
03:11Very good.
03:13Guz Khan.
03:13Hello, bro.
03:14Talk to me about elegance.
03:15What have you brought in?
03:16Well, this thing's really elegant.
03:17Have a look at this.
03:18Oh, right.
03:18Here it is.
03:20Oh, my God.
03:21I was gifted this portrait from the BBC.
03:23What?
03:24Hold on before you started giggling, all right?
03:26One of the first words that came to me was like,
03:28Psh, you're looking mad elegant, Guz.
03:30Yeah?
03:31Who said that?
03:32Me to myself.
03:35Why do you keep bringing prizes in that are pictures of you?
03:40Look, I just want to say that I get given this stuff, yeah?
03:45Yeah.
03:45And then I see it matches the task.
03:47It's pretty elegant.
03:48Mm-hm.
03:49I mean, I feel like I should score him down because he keeps celebrating himself.
03:53Yeah, I think people have portraits of themselves, Greg.
03:55Yeah.
03:55It's a bit much sometimes.
03:56True.
03:57Good point well made.
03:59Alan.
03:59When we used to make the television programme QI at the now defunct London studios,
04:05they gave me a dressing gown.
04:07See, it's a G.
04:09And honestly, it's the most elegant thing I could find.
04:12Here it is.
04:13OK.
04:16I mean, if we could have not seen the image, Alan was riding high.
04:23I was talking a good game, wasn't I?
04:26Yeah.
04:26See, it says A.D.
04:28That's me.
04:28But to try and make it a little bit more elegant, I have added a brooch.
04:34Inexpensive, but quite stylish.
04:36It's a tatty dressing gown.
04:37It's a tatty dressing gown.
04:40That's right.
04:41Can you beat a moth-eaten dressing gown?
04:43Yeah, I can.
04:43The smells of fat.
04:45Yeah.
04:46It's laundered, freshly laundered.
04:49OK.
04:50What I have brought in is a gardenia.
04:52Oh, OK.
04:53Yes, gardenia is one of my favourite flowers.
04:55It's iconic.
04:56It smells incredible.
04:57It is so finicky.
04:59It wants sunlight, but also humidity and no giraffes.
05:02And it's totally worth it when you actually have one sitting in a room.
05:05Do you know what I'm hearing?
05:06What?
05:07You talk a good game, but you brought a flower in.
05:09Yes, I did.
05:10But you said elegant.
05:11I didn't bring in a farty dressing gown.
05:13It's not boxing.
05:13I brought in nature's elegant.
05:16It's clean.
05:16Alan, I can smell it for me.
05:18OK.
05:18Morgana.
05:19So I've brought in a Christmas decoration.
05:22Uh-oh.
05:23It's a giraffe and it's glass.
05:26You get two Gs for your money and it means a lot to me.
05:29OK.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:32I love it so much.
05:33It's on point.
05:35Oh, my God.
05:36Thank you.
05:38As if a giraffe could be anywhere.
05:40I'm going to put some ballet shoes on it.
05:41It's got a stunted neck.
05:43Yeah, it's a horse.
05:45I mean, arguably, the most elegant characteristic of the giraffe is the neck.
05:50And that...
05:51Of course it's right.
05:52That's a curious horse.
05:54LAUGHTER
05:55Victoria, can you beat the worst thing I've ever seen?
05:58I think it's...
05:59I've got a homemade thing, which is a toy that I made,
06:03and I wasn't actually expecting it to be elegant.
06:06Let's go.
06:06Homemade elegance.
06:07Here we go.
06:08Good luck, Victoria.
06:11Thank you.
06:12And I...
06:14I feel like you've lost your mind.
06:17LAUGHTER
06:17No.
06:18What I thought I was making was the character Mr Greedy,
06:23but it came out so elegant, it is, in fact, Greedy Esquire.
06:28It's a one-eyed testicle.
06:30Victoria, listen, across this series,
06:33you have been consistently a sensational bullshitter.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:37But even you can't get your way out of this.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41Right then, Greg.
06:42LAUGHTER
06:43OK.
06:44It's really hard, cos I have a huge wave of affection
06:49for Mr Greedy Esquire.
06:51I have a huge amount of affection
06:52for the short-necked belly giraffe.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I think Desiree's is the worst.
06:58One point. Lovely.
06:59Now, at the top of the tree, no problem.
07:02Ah.
07:02I mean, the man's an egomaniac, but he's an elegant one.
07:06Congratulations, Gus. Five points.
07:07Incredible.
07:08Two points, but much admiration to Mr Greedy Esquire.
07:13Three points, unbelievably, to a short-necked giraffe.
07:17And even more unbelievably, I'm going to give four points to Alan.
07:20And I've got to be honest with you all, I don't feel great about it.
07:24LAUGHTER
07:24There you go. Five particles come!
07:29Off we go. Let's get this party started.
07:32Yes, please.
07:33And what's a party without cake?
07:35Mmm.
08:04Hello, Alex. You're on, Mike.
08:05Yes, please.
08:08Stuff of nightmares.
08:10I mean, every time I see one of these, I'm just like,
08:13what kind of insanity will this throw me into?
08:17LAUGHTER
08:17You guys are dumb.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:25Sit on a cake.
08:27Sit on a cake?
08:30Fastest wins.
08:32Fastest wins?
08:32It's not really about baking a cake, is it?
08:36There are five bonus points for the best cake.
08:40Are you giving points for if I went and sourced a Victoria sponge
08:43from somewhere posh,
08:44or what it looks like after my ass has smooshed it to pieces?
08:47Point for the best cake.
08:51Time starts now.
08:54Sit on a cake!
08:59I'm fascinated, Desiree, that you always read the task, I've noticed,
09:03and I'm surprised when it's something silly.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:09I mean, I guess I'm just surprised by the level of silly.
09:12I don't know.
09:13Sit on a cake?
09:15Let's see how they did.
09:16Right.
09:17Morgana and Guz are up first.
09:19Will they have their cake and seat it?
09:21Let's find out.
09:24Have you got any cakes hanging around?
09:26Well, there's always a cake in the Taskmaster premises.
09:29Is there?
09:29You got any cakes in here?
09:31There's always a cake on the Taskmaster premises somewhere.
09:34Thanks, buddy.
09:35Is there a cake in here?
09:37I don't know.
09:38Or is there a secret cake room?
09:41Pardon?
09:43Secret cake room?
09:44There might be a secret cake room.
09:45It's the kind of thing you guys do.
09:46I'm looking for cakes.
09:48Right.
09:48There's ingredients for a cake, but this is about time.
09:51So there's no point baking a cake from scratch.
09:53Well, I'm just going to make one then.
09:55OK.
09:56Fastest wins.
09:57Oh, Jesus.
09:58This is a very loose show with loose definitions.
10:01Uh-huh.
10:01So what I would say is one might be able to make a cake
10:06out of something with a pre-existing base.
10:08I reckon that's for tonnes.
10:11Science is key.
10:12If you follow the rules of science, you'll get a lovely rise.
10:17Less finesse.
10:18Shall we finesse it a little bit more?
10:20Well, there's five bonus points for the best cake.
10:24I don't think it's supposed to look like that.
10:27I believe you get fibre from me.
10:28That's breakfast cereal.
10:30So now what you have here is the brother's texture.
10:32Very important for a cake.
10:33I learnt that on Instagram.
10:35That's for 35 minutes.
10:36Rome wasn't built in a day.
10:39How many candles would you like, Ali?
10:40I'm 42.
10:42These can represent the two bit of it.
10:44It's going in.
10:45How long are they going in form, Morgana?
10:46A bit.
10:47A bit of time.
10:53Happy 40th.
10:54It was meant to be two.
10:55But 42nd birthday, bro.
10:57Happy birthday.
10:59I mean, it's just baked for 20 minutes.
11:01That'll be noon.
11:06Incredible teapot cake.
11:11Mine is really satisfying, bro.
11:14You can carry on if you want.
11:17Oh, my God!
11:18Look at this shit!
11:19Look at this!
11:20Look at this!
11:22It's almost too high.
11:24How long are we at now?
11:26Hour and ten.
11:32Wow!
11:39Here she goes.
11:49The face will feel nice.
11:55Got the clip?
12:05I'm no expert, Morgana, but I'm fairly certain there's a market for that video.
12:11Well, we did eat the cake. Is that bad?
12:13It was quite nice, wasn't it?
12:15Quite the party we had, was it?
12:17I found both of your attempts quite stressful.
12:20I thought we were going to have to be picking bits of teapot out of Guz's backside.
12:24At one point.
12:25And then you came in with a sparkler on top of your cake.
12:28That was spicy.
12:29This is like medieval, no?
12:32Now, what's Guz's a cake?
12:34Well, that's up to you.
12:35A cake is usually a round mass of food that is baked or fried.
12:38Croissants is baked, ain't it?
12:39But also croissants is croissants.
12:41It's a teapot cake.
12:42It's a teapot cake.
12:43Yeah, thank you, Morgana.
12:44I mean, it was just sit on a cake, fastest wins.
12:46He sat on his cake in seven minutes, 27 seconds.
12:49Wow.
12:50But how long did it take to bake that?
12:52About three weeks.
12:53But look at the results.
12:55I mean, that cake was majestic.
12:56It did take her as long as it would take to go to France and sit on a gato.
12:59One hour, 45.
13:01As she so succinctly put it, if you follow the rules of science, you'll get a lovely rise.
13:07Now for the attempts of Alan Davies and Victoria Sponge.
13:13Your time starts now.
13:17Just need to find a cake or something that looks like a cake.
13:21Hot supplies, hot supplies.
13:23Where are you going?
13:24Going inside to make a cake.
13:26OK.
13:31What's that, Victoria?
13:32It's a flapjack.
13:33I always carry them.
13:35I have flapjacks with me at all times, just in case.
13:42What flavour cake do you think this is?
13:44It's lemon.
13:45It's a lemon cake.
13:45Look at it.
13:46It's a ridiculous question.
13:49What I've done there is a little bit of piping.
13:54Happy birthday to you.
13:56Happy birthday, Taskmaster.
13:58Happy birthday to you.
14:04It's a cake, isn't it?
14:06Everything that's not, you know, meat and vegetables is a cake, isn't it?
14:09I'll write that down.
14:15Another fascinating example of Victoria assuming that her way of living is the norm.
14:21Yes, I always carry a flapjack with me at all times.
14:23I mean, I can vouch for that.
14:24That is true.
14:25She has arrived every time with flapjacks and on this occasion, it was very useful.
14:28The rest of us aren't carrying a flapjack with us at all times.
14:31Oh, we'll fool you.
14:32I mean...
14:33No, I just think it's the incredible ability you've got to normalise eccentric behaviour.
14:39I think if I went for a dinner with you and you said,
14:41right, shall we, and then you shaved off both your eyebrows, I would just do the same.
14:48This is how it's done in Victoria's name, so off they go.
14:51Off they go.
14:52Alan.
14:53Not a cake is my argument.
14:55Ah, wow.
14:55I was very preoccupied with the speed thing.
14:59I thought, well, obviously they don't want you to bake a cake, that's ridiculous.
15:01And I live a bit of an abnormal life where I don't have cakes in my bag.
15:06You weren't that preoccupied with the speed, you were second slowest.
15:09I was second.
15:11He was 11 minutes 55 seconds compared to Victoria's 25-second attempt.
15:16So actually that's the longest gap between me and finding a cake in the last seven or eight years.
15:22I'm ashamed.
15:23All right then, who's next?
15:25There's one person left.
15:26It's Desiree's turn to try to be the fastest to sit on a cake.
15:29Where's the damn cakes?
15:31Where are the cakes?
15:32Where are you hiding cakes?
15:33I mean, should I, like, I've got to find the cake?
15:36Oh, all the information...
15:37Yeah, I know.
15:38All the information...
15:39Sit on a cake!
15:41Oh, Jesus.
15:42Does this kitchen have anything in it?
15:45Sit on a cake.
15:46Where are you hiding cake?
15:49Do I have to make the cake first?
15:51Oh, fuck you if that's the right answer.
15:54All right, we've got to start eliminating rooms.
15:56This is probably the last one it would be in.
16:00Ugh!
16:03Please come up.
16:06Is this the lube, this place?
16:09How...
16:10Ha, ha!
16:11Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
16:15That's a 100th!
16:17Oh, really?
16:18Is that so...
16:19Ugh!
16:25Okay!
16:26It's been set.
16:28I mean, é isso o que a winner looks like, ou o quê?
16:34É a minha 100ª birthday, man. Você olha ótimo.
16:38Pays to moisturize.
16:45Wow.
16:47Textbook cake-sitting.
16:48Eu read sit on a cake as find a cake and then sit on it.
16:52This is going to be a bit tricky because that was one spectacular cake that she found.
16:57But it was made of shaving foam. So, was that a real cake?
17:01Certainly helps me if it's considered a real cake.
17:03Yeah, you're right, you're right.
17:04I am going to say that's a real cake and that means that old paper bag boy slips onto the
17:08nest as well.
17:10Well, in that case, Morgana was the slowest, obviously, because she took nearly two hours.
17:13Alan, 12 minutes, pretty much. Guz, 7 minutes 27.
17:17Desiree, 2 minutes 45 to find the cake.
17:19She searched fast, but no-one near as fast as Victoria's, 25 seconds.
17:23So, five points to Victoria, first of all.
17:25Oh!
17:27At last.
17:28So, what's the best cake?
17:30Well, I don't see that I have a choice and I sort of feel sorry for Desiree, in a way,
17:34because she found our cake.
17:36But, I mean, there's no doubt what the most spectacular cake was.
17:39Morgana Robbins. Fair enough.
17:41Well done, Morgana.
17:42Well done, Morgana.
17:44Can I have two hours slaving away?
17:46Scoreboard, please.
17:47Well, she did the best cake and she's now in the lead with nine points.
17:50It's Morgana!
17:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:54Let us prat on.
17:57Let's.
17:57And this team task is a load of balls.
18:00LAUGHTER
18:18OK, Morgana, you're number one. Please read the task.
18:25Get the most balls in the net.
18:29Oh.
18:31Here.
18:32Can you see a net? I can't see a net.
18:34Oh, I've got... There's a net here.
18:35You've got a net there?
18:36Yeah.
18:37I suppose the balls are in here.
18:39Everyone must stay on their spots at all times.
18:42Mm-hm.
18:43BELL RINGS
18:45BELL RINGS
18:46BELL RINGS
18:47If anyone other than the task reader...
18:51That's me.
18:53..touches or handles a ball,
18:55you lose five balls from your ball total.
18:59So only you can hold balls.
19:01So I can only touch balls?
19:03Yep.
19:04LAUGHTER
19:05Look at me!
19:06Also, the person on the middle spot must sit for ten seconds
19:10and then stand up straight for ten seconds on repeat.
19:14Sit for ten, stand for ten.
19:17LAUGHTER
19:18Any balls remaining between the task reader and the middle person
19:22will be deducted from your ball total.
19:26You have five minutes.
19:28Don't read the next line. Don't read the next line.
19:30Will you just read it again, please?
19:32LAUGHTER
19:33Any balls remaining between the task reader and the middle person,
19:38so between me and Guz, will be deducted from your ball total.
19:42Your time starts when Alex pretends his whistle isn't working.
19:46OK, team, there are a hundred balls to play with. Good luck.
19:49WHISTLE BLOWS
19:50Oh!
19:50Sorry, I guess you just...
19:52Sorry, sorry, my whistle's broken.
19:53Oh, has it? OK, great.
19:55LAUGHTER
19:56Mm-hm. Lot of rules, great.
19:58Yes.
19:59So many rules.
20:00Yes.
20:01Pretty straightforward.
20:01We're going to get balls from one end of the corridor to the other.
20:03The other. Avoid the person in the middle.
20:04Get them in the net.
20:05Yeah.
20:06Stop bashing.
20:07Blop, blop, blop.
20:08OK, we're going to see the team of three first.
20:10Here's how they get on.
20:11Blop, blop, blop.
20:12We need to get the most balls in here.
20:15We lose a point per ball of any that land between you two.
20:19Why don't you just throw that net down?
20:21I kind of feel like it.
20:22Ten.
20:23You've got to get up.
20:25Thank you, Dee.
20:26No worries.
20:31Ten.
20:32Oh, yeah, you got it.
20:33You must sit down.
20:34Huh?
20:36Ten.
20:37How long have I got?
20:39Four minutes thirty.
20:40I mean, I think we're going to do this.
20:42Yeah.
20:42It's just about fitting balls in that.
20:44Go on, Moose.
20:45Ten.
20:47Ten.
20:48Oh, I know.
20:49I know what we could do.
20:53Knives are short.
20:53Yes.
20:54Ten.
20:55Mighty.
20:55You're wrecking.
20:56I love that.
20:57Ten.
21:01Ten.
21:02Ten.
21:03Honestly, you're just mocking, isn't it?
21:08Get it!
21:09Yes.
21:11How do you think you've done things?
21:13I've got every single ball.
21:15I mean, except for that one that fell out.
21:17What?
21:20You were so mad about that.
21:21It was absolutely...
21:22I was beside myself.
21:23Well, I've got to say, it's a work of genius.
21:26Yeah.
21:27As far as I can work out, no rules were broken.
21:28It was a well-oiled machine.
21:30Mm.
21:32Are you looking at me like there was a rule broken?
21:33Well, it did say any balls remaining between the task reader
21:36and the middle person will be deducted from your ball total,
21:38and all of them were between the task reader and the middle person.
21:42Aw.
21:43Aw.
21:43They needed to be turned around.
21:45Oh, no.
21:46Either side.
21:47So, actually...
21:48Oh!
21:50Oh!
21:51So, they've got 99 balls in there, net.
21:53100 balls were between them, so you've got a score of minus one.
21:56Wow.
21:57So, can we say the theory was genius?
21:59But the reality is crushing.
22:02That's the most sad I've been on a television.
22:04Well, you look pretty sad when you had to do a modicum of physical exercise.
22:10For the team of two, I got to be the piggy in the middle.
22:12So, here's how me, Vic and Al got on.
22:15Here we go.
22:15Oh, God.
22:18It's done the thing.
22:19It isn't working.
22:22Ow.
22:24Ow.
22:25Oh, God.
22:27They don't go very well.
22:30I can't even see them.
22:33Have you got one?
22:34Have you got it?
22:35Yes.
22:36Did that get through?
22:38Yes.
22:40Ow.
22:42Roll it, Alan.
22:43Roll it.
22:44Where?
22:45Where?
22:45Hold on.
22:46Yep.
22:47Ow.
22:49Ow.
22:50Perfect.
22:51Wait.
22:51Ow.
22:52Ow.
22:53Oh!
22:54Oh, come on.
22:55Nice.
22:57I can't believe I can't get any through.
23:00Ow.
23:02Kick them, Alex.
23:03Kick them backwards.
23:04You want me to kick them backwards?
23:05Oh, wait.
23:06If they touch you, we lose points?
23:08Yes.
23:09Oh, then don't kick them?
23:09Don't kick them.
23:10OK.
23:11Ow.
23:13Ow.
23:15There we go.
23:16Oh, no, no, no, no.
23:17One bounce out.
23:18OK.
23:19Oh, this is so near.
23:21Come on, my little pixie.
23:24One minute, 30 left.
23:25You wonder why anglers have to actually catch live fish?
23:27This is all the joy and none of the trauma.
23:31Ow.
23:3210 seconds left.
23:3310 seconds left.
23:34Ow.
23:35No, no, no, no.
23:36Don't come out.
23:36Don't come out.
23:38Alan?
23:39Alan?
23:39Alan?
23:44I think we might get a minus score.
23:51Just a quick reminder to everyone, what we were watching there were very light children's balls being tossed down a
23:57relatively short corridor.
23:59I just wanted to put that in context of Alan's exhaustion.
24:04Alan started all right, missed you a few times, but I'm worried about the minus points here because I think
24:09they might be colossal.
24:14Minus five every time you struck me with a ball.
24:16I was struck 20 times.
24:18Oil.
24:18Oh!
24:18Minus 100.
24:19There were also 46 left between me and Alan.
24:23You had 30 in the net, 12 left in the box.
24:25You got a score of minus 128.
24:27Well, that's humiliated.
24:28I mean, isn't life unfair?
24:30I get a lot of stick for not applying the rules strictly enough and on this occasion I feel I
24:35have to go by the letter of the law.
24:37I'm afraid it's zero points all round.
24:40Wow.
24:41Huh?
24:42What a magnificently futile use of our mortal lifespan.
24:45I'm going to say, man, this is a big part of your life too. Are you happy with this?
24:48I think he's the guy.
24:50I think he makes a decision so he will get a lot of grief for that and he's fine with
24:53that.
24:53Yeah, yeah, bring it on.
24:54Wow.
24:55No one achieved a task.
24:56What could bring us back from that awful, awful tragedy?
25:00Well, Greg, you know how you hate football.
25:02Whoops!
25:15OK.
25:17It's a lovely football. I'm not good at any of this stuff.
25:22I'm hoping that it's just a pretend football full of sweets.
25:26Prevent Alex from scoring a goal.
25:30Alex will attempt to score a goal in 15 minutes' time.
25:34And the ball and goalposts must be on their spots when he does. Wait, where... Oh.
25:42Ha-ha. OK.
25:44You must be 12 yards from the ball when Alex attempts to score.
25:4912 yards?
25:51Slowest goal score by Alex wins.
25:53Wait, I just...
25:55Wait, how long have I got? Oh, you... Wait.
25:58Do I understand what you're saying?
26:00Well, have you said the last line yet?
26:01Yeah, I just...
26:03Time starts now.
26:07Football, Greg.
26:08Football it is.
26:09But hopefully a reinvention of that dreary game.
26:14Right.
26:15Who are we going to see?
26:16OK, this is how Desiree tried to stop me scoring a goal.
26:22I'm surprised more football teams don't do this.
26:26There's a spot right there.
26:29There's a chink in the armor.
26:33Oh, there are holes in it.
26:35Please don't get stuck.
26:36Thank you so much.
26:40OK.
26:46Yes.
26:48Oh, I just realized what I should have done.
26:50OK, cool.
26:51Cool, cool, cool.
27:07Jesus.
27:07Thank you, Desiree.
27:08Thank you.
27:14Absolutely heart-breaking.
27:16One of the great football tragedies of our time.
27:20Yes.
27:20You said ten out of ten for the idea, six out of ten for the execution.
27:23I think six is...
27:23Six out of ten.
27:24Yeah, it's generous.
27:25Very generous, yeah.
27:26You also said, I think there might be a chink in the armor.
27:29The armor is quite generous as well.
27:31Right.
27:32Accurate.
27:33Who's next? Accurate.
27:34Now for our next two goalkeepers and a couple of facts for you this time, Greg.
27:37The name Morgana means great circle and Alan Davies once cameoed as celebrity chef Otto Clark in Hotel Babylon.
27:43And here's how they got on in the task.
27:50Et voila.
27:56Definitely harder now.
28:00You could still score this side though.
28:02Can you Google how long is 12...
28:05How long is a yard?
28:0812 yards in metres, please.
28:10That's 10.973 metres.
28:13Foot isn't a yard, is it?
28:15This is going to scupper me.
28:1710.973 metres.
28:20Out she goes.
28:23One.
28:28And two!
28:30You can make a coffee table out of this.
28:34Six.
28:38Eight.
28:40...
28:47...
29:00I'm going to try to hit it off the fence.
29:04You're going to have to defect, deflect.
29:06Deflexo.
29:07Go, Ali.
29:12Oh!
29:20Oh!
29:23Oh!
29:28You're just doing your best.
29:30That's all you can do.
29:30I'm doing my best.
29:32Oh!
29:32Oh!
29:33Oh!
29:35Ah!
29:36No!
29:38Oh, it's a good save.
29:43What's going on here?
29:49Did we cross the line?
29:50I think the cow saved it.
29:52Oh!
29:53Oh, no!
30:00Oh!
30:03Oh!
30:05Oh!
30:08Ah!
30:10Ah!
30:12I'm in.
30:15Well done.
30:17Well done.
30:19O que é isso?
30:21O que é isso?
30:22Oh, meu Deus!
30:24Outrageu, outrageu, outrageu!
30:26Oh, no!
30:28No, sorry.
30:37É muito divertido.
30:39A new sport foi realmente que foi nascido,
30:41e foi um exercício de metric converso para você.
30:47Eu sensi que Alan e você
30:49foram lá por horas.
30:50Nós fomos basicamente wrestling,
30:52não é?
30:54Eu estou em para o seu tê quando
30:56eu estou 9 minutos 47
30:59para jogar com Alan,
31:01com Morgana, 10 minutos 45
31:03então ela foi a slowest so far.
31:05Vai ser 5-0 para o Alegre United?
31:07Bem, é isso para a Victoria e Guz.
31:11Como bom é você?
31:12Se você não tem nada para o jogo,
31:14se você não tem nada para o jogo?
31:15Eu vou me dar para o jogo.
31:18É, tem que ser no spot.
31:20O spot pode mover.
31:21Oh!
31:22Você não disse nada sobre o spot não se mover.
31:24Você está?
31:26Eu preciso ir para o algo.
31:28Eu preciso ir para o algo.
31:28Isso se mover?
31:30Se o spot não está no spot,
31:31então,
31:32é um tipo de null e void.
31:33Eu não sei o que o legal termo é,
31:34mas deve ser um tipo de
31:35null e void situation
31:36aqui, brother.
31:40É.
31:40Oh, meu Deus.
31:41Eu poupi ele.
31:42É.
31:42É.
31:43É.
31:44É.
31:44É.
31:45É.
31:45É.
31:46Onde está o spot?
31:48Onde está o spot?
31:50Onde está o spot?
31:51É.
31:51É.
31:53OK.
31:54Onde está o spot?
31:55É.
31:55Se você escolher a golfe de lá,
31:56eu vou dar você 100lb.
32:02É.
32:06É.
32:09OK.
32:13Ah...
32:26Ele tá o spot.
32:28Tire assim.
32:29Você vai me ir?
32:30Bl Sheng dignity!
32:34Não.
32:35Blkar真inataro.
32:36Se você changeda 12 yards
32:36do lado.
32:37É.
32:39Muito obrigado.
32:41O jogo agora?
32:42Você pode ir para o 접o.
32:42Ah?
32:43Você pula?
32:44Você pode fazer?
32:45Es risbek relativamente.
32:58Oh, é um bom save.
33:21Ok!
33:26You didn't even move!
33:33Keep going guys. No wonder, thank you, I like that game.
33:43Oh! No! No, no, no, no!
33:48How did you do that?
33:51Oh, I kicked it over it.
33:53No! No!
33:57No, no, no, no!
34:01I should have stood in the goal, shouldn't I?
34:04Yeah.
34:05I failed that one.
34:12If you score a goal from there, I'll give you £100.
34:15He doesn't seem like someone who could do that.
34:18No, it was a glorious lob.
34:20Shall I tell you how I knew who was going to do it?
34:21Because of them shit flickers.
34:22That's what we used to call them.
34:25He's finally earned their place on the show.
34:27Specifically utilised, yeah.
34:28Yeah.
34:29I thought you'd snookered him.
34:30You see, snooker, I'm quite good at.
34:31Football very bad.
34:32That's exactly it.
34:33I would say the barrel wasn't that close to the ball.
34:35If it had been a foot closer to the ball, I wouldn't have been able to.
34:37I didn't know the ball could go upwards.
34:40I mean, the ball was going very slowly and there was time probably to have just stepped to your right.
34:44Never occurred to me.
34:45No, I know.
34:46Of course not.
34:47And I'd have been disappointed if you'd made an effort.
34:52Guz, amazing goal work.
34:54Yeah.
34:54He was getting really out of breath too.
34:56I was.
34:56Yeah, you did seem out of puff.
34:57Well, I'd already burst down the front door.
34:59That was the scariest moment.
35:01The taskmaster had never seen him aggressive in his life and then he blasted that door.
35:05I shit myself when I was sat there.
35:06And I can't see how Guz hasn't absolutely walked this task.
35:10Mm.
35:11He hasn't.
35:11He's not.
35:13Well, I got the ball in about three minutes and then scored in about two and a half.
35:16It only took him six minutes.
35:17In terms of actual time, Desiree, quickest goal, then Victoria, then Guz, then Alan.
35:23But Morgana was the slowest, so she gets five points.
35:26Wow.
35:27Who the fuck is?
35:28Who the fuck is?
35:30Wonderful stuff.
35:31Quick look at the scores.
35:32Well, I've got the scores and Morgana's in the lead with 14 points.
35:39OK, everybody, please make your way to the stage for the 100th final task of the show.
35:52Yes, please. Hello.
35:54Yes, please. Hello.
35:55A lot of balloons here.
35:56100.
35:57Would you like someone to read the task?
35:59I would.
36:00Morgana Robinson, please, can you read the task?
36:03Pop the most balloons.
36:05You may pop between one and ten balloons each turn.
36:10If you pop one of the five bad balloons, you are disqualified.
36:15The eventual winner gets ten actual points.
36:18Wow.
36:18So it's like a dart roulette kind of thing.
36:21Thanks for making Alex obsolete.
36:25You're welcome.
36:26So, on your turn, you can pop between one and ten balloons.
36:29Whoever doesn't burst a bad balloon wins.
36:32And as it's the 100th episode, they'll get ten actual points, which is huge.
36:37I see.
36:37Everyone else will get points based on how many balloons they pop.
36:41Ooh.
36:41So we're going to go from the person in last place to the person in first place.
36:45So Desiree is up first.
36:46Please bring your hedgehog to the table.
36:50OK.
36:51Good luck.
36:52OK.
36:54Oh!
36:55One good balloon.
36:58Oh!
37:01Two good balloons.
37:03She's carrying on.
37:06Three.
37:07Three good.
37:08Three good.
37:13Four good.
37:15Yeah, that's me.
37:15She's having a rest.
37:18Lovely opening darts.
37:19She's going four.
37:21There are 96 balloons left, including the five bad ones.
37:24Victoria is up next.
37:25I've forgotten my glasses.
37:27Who's brave now?
37:28Yeah, me.
37:30OK.
37:33Nice.
37:34A double pop?
37:35It was a double pop.
37:36Two.
37:40Three.
37:41Wow.
37:41Oh, my God.
37:42This is getting harder and harder.
37:43Yeah.
37:44Three so far still.
37:48Oh!
37:48Oh!
37:54Victoria, you are out of the game.
37:55Shall I leave?
37:56Do stay in the studio.
37:57OK.
37:59Next up, it's Alan.
38:00Hello, Alan Davies.
38:01Hi.
38:01There are 92 balloons left, Alan.
38:03Four baddies.
38:06Nice.
38:07One.
38:07One good.
38:10Two.
38:11Three.
38:12If Alan throws this next one and it's not a bad balloon,
38:15I'm going to use a phrase I've wanted to use on television for many years.
38:20Lovely darts.
38:24Four.
38:27Five good balloons.
38:28Since he's in the lead.
38:29He's really pushing it though, isn't he?
38:33Oh!
38:34Ow!
38:35Wow!
38:37Oh!
38:39He's failed.
38:41He's failed on seven.
38:42Next up, gals, please bring your hedgehog to the table.
38:49One good balloon.
38:52Two.
38:53Three.
38:55Lovely darts.
38:56Four.
38:59Nervous of steel.
39:00Yeah.
39:00Shall I just do a random one for the...
39:03Six.
39:06Seven.
39:06Gus is picking balloons out now so it makes the shape of his face.
39:13Let's leave it.
39:14He's leaving on eight.
39:15He's in the lead.
39:15Yeah.
39:16Why not?
39:16Can I just say something else?
39:17That starts.
39:19Morgana, it's your go.
39:2175 balloons left, four of them bad.
39:23I'm sort of in the mood for just closing my eyes and throwing.
39:26Goggles on.
39:26Yeah.
39:29One.
39:31Two.
39:32That is very good.
39:34Three.
39:34Oh, man.
39:36Four.
39:37I'm just getting cocky.
39:39Do I stop?
39:40Don't stop.
39:40The energy's right.
39:41Is it?
39:42Yeah, yeah, 100%.
39:43God, it's telling me to stop.
39:45Okay, she's stopping on four.
39:46Okay, so we're back with Desiree who has got four balloons to her name.
39:55Oh, that's a bad balloon!
39:57Oh, dear.
40:01There's only three players left in the game.
40:03Gar's in the lead with eight.
40:04It's Alan to play.
40:07Oh!
40:07Two!
40:08It's a double pop.
40:09He's gone into the lead with nine there.
40:11It's another double pop.
40:18I'm out.
40:18He's out.
40:25Ooh!
40:26It's a double.
40:28That is Goggles.
40:32Well, when that dart did hit a camera, we're on four now.
40:35Four camera, man.
40:39All right, that's it.
40:40So, Alan, you're two behind Guz.
40:51It's a bad balloon.
40:52He's crushed it out.
40:53Oh, he's a hell of a great stick.
40:55His 27th balloon was a bad balloon.
40:57So, it's Guz versus Morgana.
40:59Guz is on 18, Morgana just nine.
41:01So, it's some tactics at play here.
41:02Yeah.
41:03Please bring your hedgehog to the table.
41:05Two very different approaches.
41:12This is madness.
41:16You've done three.
41:17Four.
41:18You're still going.
41:20Ooh.
41:22Five.
41:24Six.
41:26You're now on 24 balloons.
41:29Just two behind Alan now.
41:30Ooh!
41:32Ooh!
41:33I'm not thinking it through, Guz.
41:34You're dancing so close to the flame.
41:36Think it through.
41:37Ooh!
41:42He's walking away. He's walking away.
41:44Okay, you're on nine, Morgana.
41:45Guz on 24.
41:46He needs to throw a few darts in.
41:49Too bad.
41:51Lovely.
41:52That's residual.
41:58No, I'm not good.
41:59Okay, she's stopped.
42:00So, Guz, you're on 24.
42:01Tactical.
42:02Morgana's on 11.
42:03What are you going to do, Guz?
42:04You must burst at least one.
42:08Blood pressure's gone here.
42:09I can feel it.
42:10It's got to be one on out, hasn't it?
42:11That's what I'm saying inside my head.
42:12You're saying outside your head, I think, Greg.
42:24He's on 26.
42:25That is darts!
42:26That was a double as well!
42:27He's on 26.
42:30Yep.
42:31Lovely.
42:33Oh!
42:34Oh!
42:39It's a bad balloon!
42:40Isso é...
42:42Wow!
42:44...absolutely...
42:45...gut-wrenching!
42:47Come down here, we'll add that to the final scores!
42:54Harry Darts!
42:55What a game!
42:57Oof!
42:58What a game!
42:59It was on the edge of my throne.
43:00Oof!
43:02Yes, I mean, they really burst some good and bad balloons.
43:06Victoria only burst three good balloons in the end,
43:08so she gets one point.
43:10Desiree Burrs, four good balloons, she gets two points.
43:12Morgana, 14 good balloons, three points.
43:14Alan gets four points for his 26 good balloons,
43:17but the winner of ten whole points is Gus Kahn!
43:20Took it.
43:22Deserved it.
43:24And I can tell you how that affects the series scores
43:26at the halfway stage of the series.
43:29I'm feeling good.
43:30Victoria, yes, you should feel good.
43:31You've got 64 points!
43:32Oh!
43:35Desiree is on 76.
43:37Alan on 80.
43:39Morgana on 82.
43:40But thanks to that good balloon popping,
43:42Gus is in the lead with 83.
43:44Ooh!
43:45Very close.
43:47Very close.
43:49And in this particular episode,
43:52Gus won with 21 points!
43:54It is!
43:56Gus Kahn wins.
43:58Please go and gather your elegant gear!
44:00APPLAUSE
44:04So, what have we learnt today?
44:06Well, after 100 shows,
44:08I've at last learned that I've misjudged Alex.
44:12He works so hard, he's so creative,
44:14he's so loyal, so nice,
44:15and I just throw it back in his face.
44:18So, to mark today, I wanted to rip up the past
44:21and start a fresh old friend.
44:23I've got you a little card just to...
44:26Oh, you can see it for yourself,
44:27just to say thank you.
44:29Oh, Greg.
44:30Come on, thank you.
44:32Says, I look like a big human shrew.
44:35That's the 100 shows done!
44:38Well done, everybody,
44:39and well done to the person that won this episode.
44:41It's Gus Kahn!
44:44APPLAUSE
45:09Freshly Laundered!
45:11Thank you so much.
45:11Thank you so much.
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