- há 12 horas
Categoria
😹
DivertimentoTranscrição
00:00.
00:02.
00:03.
00:04.
00:04.
00:04.
00:04.
00:07.
00:08.
00:08.
00:09.
00:10.
00:11.
00:12.
00:12.
00:14.
00:15.
00:17.
00:18.
00:19.
00:19.
00:21.
00:22.
00:22.
00:33Hello, I'm Greg Davies.
00:35Every morning I judge the first person I see
00:38to sharpen my skills for preparation for my work on this throne.
00:42This morning it was Lydia Evans, who runs my local bakery.
00:46Lacklustre service and a horrible, shrill voice.
00:48Easy.
00:49Now, let's meet the lemmings queuing up for a write-off on camera.
00:53They are...
00:54Alan Davis!
00:56.
00:56.
00:56.
00:57.
00:57.
00:57.
00:58.
00:58.
00:58.
00:58.
00:59.
01:00.
01:01.
01:03.
01:06.
01:07Ele é velho, ele é velho e ele dorme em meu underpants.
01:09É...
01:09O Alex Horne!
01:11Você tudo bem?
01:15Estou bem nervoso?
01:15Estou bem?
01:16Eu queria dizer algo que eu não me lembro antes.
01:19Ok.
01:20Ah...
01:20Eu amo você.
01:25Eu quero que você me veja como você.
01:28Eu posso imaginar.
01:32Ficou?
01:34Ok.
01:37Não, não é?
01:38Não, não é?
01:38Mas quem criou essa atmosfera?
01:40Eu não.
01:43Ok.
01:44Então, vamos começar com o show, eu acho.
01:47Ok.
01:48Então, a prize task this week.
01:50Um...
01:51Você demanda que eles brinam a coisa mais desirable para a pessoa below você
01:54no alfabeto.
01:55Ou a coisa mais alfabeticamente, se você é o menos alfabeticamente.
01:59Então, Alan escolheu algo mais desirable para Desiree,
02:01Desiree for Guz, e então,
02:03até eventualmente, Victoria escolheu algo mais para Alan.
02:06Five points will be awarded to the most desirable thing,
02:09and the winner of the episode will bring home five things,
02:11one of which will be desirable for them.
02:14Oh.
02:15Hello, Alan.
02:15Hi.
02:16Who have you brought a present for?
02:18Desiree.
02:18It's a book of etiquette for English ladies.
02:22Oh.
02:23And, um, it's very helpful for people who are coming to these shores,
02:26living here.
02:28Mid-19th century, things like,
02:30you are not expected to recognise any friend on the opposite side of the street.
02:33Even if you see them, do not bow.
02:35That is a relief.
02:36Thank you.
02:37Stop.
02:37Do not bow.
02:38Stop bowing.
02:40Also, Desiree, do not walk so fast.
02:41You are not chasing anybody.
02:43Walk slowly, gracefully.
02:44Yeah, that's been a big problem for me my entire existence.
02:47You flipping yanks, running around, bowing all over your place.
02:53Desiree, who have you bought something for?
02:55I have bought something for Guz.
02:57I happen to know what Guz really wants is a Bully Kuta,
03:01which is a Pakistani mastiff.
03:04It's a huge dog that's super protective.
03:07Kuta means dog and bully is a, it's a bully dog.
03:10You want a Bully Kuta?
03:10It's a Bully Kuta, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:12Yeah.
03:13So, what I've done is commissioned Idle Sukhan,
03:16who is an incredible artist, to create a painting of one
03:19so that you can always have your dream dog in your home
03:22to protect you and your family.
03:24I'm so excited.
03:25Oh!
03:26Right?
03:27Isn't he fly?
03:28He's got the gold puffy coat and everything,
03:31because that's your dog, man.
03:32That is incredible.
03:34Yes.
03:34Just give it a five points now.
03:35Yes.
03:36This task has really backfired.
03:39You're just so loving.
03:41I was hoping you were going to insult each other.
03:44No, we adore Guz.
03:46You guys only got a one in five chance of taking it home, though.
03:49Oh!
03:50Look, if I win it, I'll give it to you.
03:51Can you do that?
03:52Yeah, of course.
03:53Stop being nice!
03:57Me too, Guz.
03:58You're totally having it.
03:59Thank you, mate.
04:00We have defeated the format of your show.
04:03You haven't, because I'm going to go backstage and cut that painting up.
04:08Guz, who have you bought for?
04:11So, I have bought for Morgana.
04:13What is it?
04:13That's my G.
04:14And...
04:15Weekend in the Seychelles.
04:21It was actually going to be something different, yeah?
04:24And then now we've all been spending so much time together,
04:26I switched it and made it something that I hope you'll really appreciate.
04:31Yeah.
04:31It's one of Guz's long coats.
04:35I love it!
04:36I love it!
04:36It's the one that you were wearing the other day!
04:38But you said you really liked and I was like...
04:39But I love it!
04:41Aw...
04:41I'm going to feel guilty if I take that home.
04:43No, you won't.
04:44Don't feel guilty.
04:45It's what Guz wants.
04:46Yeah?
04:46He either wants in life paintings of himself or to make other people look like him.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:53All right.
04:53What have you bought, Morgana?
04:55OK, so I have bought Victoria...
04:56Oh...
04:59A personalised velvet vintage smoking jacket with, if that's not enough,
05:05some matching slippers embossed in your name to sort of pimp up her late night
05:11smutty poker nights.
05:13That sounds amazing.
05:15Wow.
05:16Nice.
05:16Are those Victoria's initials?
05:17I mean, I really, really want that.
05:19Yeah.
05:19Can you imagine a big cigar, nothing underneath?
05:22Six of clubs have that.
05:23Urgh!
05:25That's how you play, isn't it?
05:26It's like looking in a mirror.
05:29That's a great present as well, obviously.
05:31Erm...
05:32If we can rely on one person to get us back on track...
05:35No!
05:36This is a good thing.
05:37No, a good thing.
05:37I have bought Alan...
05:39Oh...
05:40A season ticket to Manchester United.
05:42What?
05:44Because he always goes to see the Arsenal.
05:47I don't...
05:48The team he supports?
05:49Yeah, whatever the reason, that's where he always is.
05:52I knew you wouldn't let me down.
05:58No, because I assumed if he loves football, he's going to want to see the best team.
06:03If you look at the Cups and everything...
06:05Yeah.
06:05It's usually Manchester United.
06:07Now, I thought, I don't know why Alan's never treated himself to a ticket to that.
06:12I think Alan's about to tell you.
06:14Anyway, it's not the whole...
06:15Because it's so expensive, it turned out to be.
06:18I've got a voucher towards...
06:21As season tickets...
06:22So, you haven't even bought the whole season ticket...
06:24Well, I bought most of it.
06:24To a team I imagine you hate.
06:26Of course.
06:28He'll be sat with all the people he hates as well.
06:30He's at the wrong end.
06:30He's in the United one.
06:32Oh, God!
06:33And many of them, I'd like to point out, hate me.
06:36Yes, yes.
06:37They all know you're an arsehole fan.
06:38And she hasn't even paid for it all.
06:40This is it!
06:42I knew it!
06:44The most passive-aggressive, calculated, personal attack I've ever experienced.
06:51Fabulous. One point to Victoria.
06:54Well done, Victoria.
06:54Two points to Alan's etiquette book.
06:57OK, fair enough.
06:58Three points to Gus.
07:00Do you want to make someone into him?
07:03The smoking jacket.
07:04Victoria will look fine and dandy in it.
07:06I must concede.
07:07But the painting...
07:07It just tipped it for me.
07:09So I'm going to give five points to Deseret.
07:11Five points to Deseret, right, it is!
07:14What's that, please?
07:16Ironing!
07:30Oh, there you are.
07:30Hello, mate.
07:32Oh.
07:33What a bossman's holiday.
07:35Oh, a little domestic work.
07:37This is nice.
07:37OK.
07:39OK.
07:41Uh, land the iron on the ironing board from the furthest distance.
07:46What?
07:47That what?
07:48The ironing board must be standing at its maximum height when the iron lands on it.
07:53So, at the maximum height.
07:54And the iron must remain on the ironing board for the attempt to count.
07:59What attempt to count?
08:01You have 20 minutes.
08:04I don't understand.
08:06So, the ironing board has to be far away and arrive at the ironing board?
08:12Oh, you've said ironing board twice now.
08:14Time starts now.
08:15Then leave the room.
08:16All the information's on the task.
08:18Oh, I have to be the furthest distance, not the iron.
08:21Well, you need to make the iron land on the board.
08:27Seems to have baffled Victoria, this one.
08:29Yes.
08:30It seems quite straightforward to me.
08:32It's got to land on the ironing board from the furthest distance.
08:34Not necessarily thrown, just land.
08:36Yeah.
08:36It's like the hammer throw in the Olympics, but landing it on a hammer board.
08:42With an iron?
08:43Yes.
08:43Good.
08:44Well, let's not talk about it.
08:45Let's see it.
08:46Yes.
08:46First to attempt long-distance iron-throwing are Gaz and Desiree.
08:50And let's not forget Alan.
09:02OK.
09:03I think I've got to go out.
09:06OK.
09:10I'll measure that.
09:12All right.
09:15Maximum height.
09:16Am I allowed to move the ironing board, can I ask you again?
09:18All the information's on the task.
09:19Listen, I know you're probably trying to keep this level of communication
09:22to a minimum with other contestants, but me and you are different.
09:25Are we?
09:25Yes, the connection.
09:27Can you feel it?
09:28Shh, close your eyes.
09:30I felt it.
09:31Can you feel it?
09:32You could really get some distance.
09:40Remember Neville Southall?
09:41Yeah.
09:41The big lad used to play for Everton.
09:42Big Neville.
09:43Just for Neville Southall!
09:50That's from there.
09:51Yes, I've logged that.
09:53Log that.
09:55Yeah, I'll get the dog off.
09:57All right.
09:57This is the first one.
10:03Is this your fence or the neighbours?
10:14Oh, boom.
10:15Lovely shot.
10:18Alex, please can I have your assistance, brother?
10:22Yeah.
10:22Take off.
10:23You know, here we're going to channel for this one.
10:25Shaka Hislop.
10:26You remember Shaka?
10:27Shaka Hislop.
10:2840 win.
10:34Oh, no.
10:36Oh, no.
10:37I haven't factored in the iron smashing the pieces.
10:42I don't know how many more goes I've got.
10:48All right.
10:48There's a better way.
10:50I wish I could figure it out.
10:56I'm good with that.
10:58Thanks, guys.
11:02Oh, look at that!
11:05I'm out.
11:10Fuck!
11:13All right.
11:14You know, well.
11:15Thanks, Alan.
11:16Sorry about the iron.
11:22The third man.
11:23The first thing that struck me about that was the fact that Alan
11:26didn't question what he had to do.
11:28He read it once and he went,
11:30OK, yeah, iron throwing.
11:32I'm in.
11:32Let's go.
11:33And that was borne out by the style of the man.
11:37It was like an athlete at the top of his game.
11:40It really was.
11:40One foot off the ground, big smile on his face.
11:43I thought you were the most stylish until I closely observed
11:47Desiree in action because, much like the curling champions
11:51that I so admire, she always went with a follow-through arm.
11:55It's always there.
11:57Always.
11:58Yep.
11:59You would think that accuracy might come with poise.
12:02It did not, but I felt proud of my actions.
12:04Of course.
12:04The bath.
12:05Stroke of genius.
12:06Yeah, absolutely.
12:07And lovely to see some sporting greats being celebrated.
12:11You've got to channel the people that came before you.
12:13It's the reason why we're here today.
12:15The people that led to iron throwing the sport.
12:19Well, give me some statistics.
12:21I've measured it.
12:22You know how people throw things over double-decker buses?
12:25Yeah.
12:25I've done it in double-deckers.
12:26The chocolate bars, 15 centimetres long.
12:28Desiree, 32 double-deckers.
12:30Yeah.
12:31OK.
12:31Get this out of your system, then we'll hear the real distance.
12:33OK.
12:344 metres 80.
12:35Yeah.
12:38Guz, 82 and two-third double-deckers.
12:41Wow.
12:41Or 6.4 Shaka Hislops.
12:43That's 12 metres 40.
12:45Whereas Alan, 56.4 original curly whirlies.
12:48That's 93 and a third double-deckers.
12:50That's 14 metres 10.
12:52I'm going to leave it with them.
12:54We've seen Guz.
12:55We haven't seen Morgana.
12:56We've seen Alan.
12:57We haven't seen Victoria.
12:58and we've seen Desiree until now.
13:03OK.
13:05I'm just going to go and find some bits and bobs, if that's all right.
13:08I was imagining what if I could rig up some sort of pulley system.
13:14How hard can this be?
13:26Oh, for God's sake.
13:27Ah, there we go.
13:32I don't know if this will work.
13:34It's...
13:35And then it's tied across.
13:42It's over.
13:47God.
13:48Motherfucker.
13:51OK.
13:52Ah, they're too thin.
13:55This is not what I imagined.
13:57Should we swap places?
13:59Let's swap places.
14:00OK.
14:00OK.
14:00All right.
14:01OK.
14:04It's on.
14:05But if I had more time, I could try to get further away.
14:08Oh, you have got more time.
14:09Come here.
14:13Fuck a go.
14:17It nearly worked.
14:19Yeah, it didn't stay on the ironing board.
14:20I know.
14:20Can you lift the iron?
14:23It's going down my sleeve into my arm.
14:25Well, let's see if you brought a bad iron.
14:32Go on, mate.
14:33Go on, mate.
14:34I tell you what, I wish I had my glasses.
14:36You're going to have to tell me if it's over the board.
14:40It's over the board.
14:44Is it on?
14:45Yes.
14:46Great.
14:46I'm happy.
14:53Thank you, Morgana.
14:55Thank you.
14:57Wow.
15:00It felt like a real evolution of the sport there.
15:03Pulley system.
15:05Leverage.
15:05And they were successful.
15:07Morgana was punching the air and running around.
15:10I was having a whale of time.
15:11You were.
15:12Which is lovely to watch.
15:13Victoria, slightly more muted celebration.
15:16I'm happy.
15:17I was very happy that the iron was on the board.
15:20But you've got to balance that with, this is not where I hoped to be professionally at this stage of
15:26my life.
15:27For me, I'm like Pinnacle.
15:30You're right.
15:31I'm at sweet spot.
15:32I'm peeking here.
15:33That's why you're doing the double-hanging.
15:34You're peeking duck?
15:35Yeah, of course.
15:36Thank you.
15:37Well, they were both very successful.
15:39Yes.
15:39Seems to me.
15:40Well, there was only one double-decker between them.
15:43Victoria was 8m 60.
15:4557 double-deckers.
15:47Morgana, 8m 44.
15:50So, Victoria's was just longer.
15:52So, Desiree did the shortest throw.
15:54Gets one point.
15:54Then it's Morgana with 8m 44.
15:56Two points.
15:57Victoria, three points.
15:58Guz, four points.
15:59But the champion iron thrower was Alan Davies with five points and 14m.
16:03There it is.
16:06You know what I'd like?
16:07A scoreboard.
16:08OK.
16:08Well, it's Alan and Guz in the lead with seven.
16:11Lovely.
16:14I want another one!
16:16Yes.
16:16And this one's just so doggone cute.
16:33Hello.
16:34Hi there, Cheeky.
16:37Cheeky?
16:37Oh, Alex.
16:39How are we?
16:41Is he a little pug or bulldog?
16:42He's a bull...
16:43Yeah.
16:44Hmm, I can't breathe.
16:46OK.
16:47What's this thing?
16:50Is there a dog in it?
16:57Make a cute toy for a cute dog.
17:00Is there going to be a real dog?
17:02Yes, but you will not meet the dog.
17:04Why?
17:05The dog will have five minutes with your cute toy.
17:09Most engaged dog wins!
17:11You have 20 minutes.
17:13Oh, it's ages.
17:15I've been really expecting something good then.
17:18Your time starts now.
17:19OK.
17:20You literally can't beat a tennis ball.
17:22That's the problem.
17:23In that box, there's all vet-approved items.
17:26I couldn't get the lid off it just now.
17:28I saw that.
17:31Have you got a dog?
17:32I do have a doggie.
17:34It's called Stinks.
17:36It's got very bad breath.
17:39Yeah, I mean, there.
17:43Am I allowed to soak any of it in food?
17:46I mean, what I would ideally do is rub it on a cat.
17:50I guess you don't have one.
17:51I haven't checked through the whole box.
17:54I mean, I could wee on it.
17:55What time does this go out?
17:58Is it a boy dog or a lady dog?
18:00Oh, I have no idea how you tell.
18:02Imagine if it was a boy dog in heat, yeah?
18:04And we made a lady dog.
18:08Just, I've cooked a chicken thigh.
18:13Slippery little sucker.
18:15I'm going to try and cut out a cat.
18:21You say cute, innit?
18:23Yes, please.
18:24That is cute.
18:26You must have done that before.
18:27I've never done that before.
18:28You and I look at that and see a cat.
18:30Do we?
18:33Give it a name or something?
18:34What's the cute name?
18:36Pipey.
18:37Is it going to have a name, do you think?
18:38Yeah.
18:39It's going to be Chunky.
18:41I'm giving it a hat.
18:43You're giving it a hat?
18:43Yeah, I'm giving it a hat.
18:45It's Priscilla.
18:47Oh, yeah.
18:48Yeah, come on.
18:49You feeling this?
18:50I reckon that's all right, you know.
18:53Yeah.
18:55But what people tend to do with dogs is they tend to create something that looks like a cat.
19:00It doesn't look at it and think of it as a cat.
19:02You do.
19:04Cat.
19:06Yes.
19:12Wow, Victoria.
19:14When you got at the tennis ball and popped it down, I accepted your authority.
19:18Then I even accepted your authority when you suggested rubbing a cat on it.
19:22You didn't even lose me at the idea that they might be attracted by wee.
19:25Where you lost me is that the dog might be attracted to your wee.
19:31It would be hard to get someone else's wee.
19:33I was alone in the room.
19:35Well, that is true.
19:37OK.
19:38Now, correct me if I'm wrong, Gus.
19:40You randomly just put a load of rubbish together.
19:43No.
19:44I was thinking human beings have been so, um, distanced physically during this pandemic
19:49that dogs must also be feeling exactly the same.
19:52So I created Priscilla so that dog could sniff Priscilla's bum hole or whatever they do, like, as a model.
19:59This is like QVC, isn't it?
20:01LAUGHTER
20:03And they're flying. I'll get the ring now. We've only got 50 of them.
20:06My money's on Chonky. I'm going to put it out there before we see the video.
20:10OK, well, we can...
20:11I mean, my money's on chicken, but I hope it's for Chonky.
20:14Well, it's time to meet Marco, and it's time for Marco to meet Victoria and Desiree's creations.
20:21Come in, Marco.
20:25Hi, Marco. You have five minutes starting now.
20:29This is Chonky, Marco.
20:35Look, there's a toy.
20:41Hello, Marco. We're running out of time.
20:45Oh!
20:58Marco, you've got 90 seconds left.
21:02Oh, look. Look at Chonky.
21:06Bye-bye.
21:09That's your time, Marco.
21:18Well done.
21:19Looks like I backed the wrong horse. Yeah.
21:21Actively offended by Chonky.
21:23I mean, worse, not even aware of Chonky.
21:27Even when Alex demonstrated Chonky.
21:30Marco bit your balls, though.
21:31Victoria. Yeah.
21:34He went in on the cat, and I think Marco's initial instinct was,
21:38there's a cat.
21:40I'm going to rip it to pieces.
21:42And he came round the front and he went, someone's already been at this cat.
21:44LAUGHTER
21:48Who's next?
21:49OK, next it is the two dog owners, so let's see.
21:52Alan and Morgana completely stormed the task.
21:55I should say that Alan did also demand we put a little bit of dog food in his one.
21:58So there is...
21:58Oh!
22:01Here we go.
22:06OK, you've got five minutes, Marco. Off you go.
22:09This is pipey, Marco.
22:15Hmm.
22:24Marco, can I interest you in the other end of pipey?
22:26It's not just that end, look, there's all this bit.
22:30Back on the mat, ready?
22:37OK, Marco, that's your time up.
22:41Marco, please leave the room.
22:44That's your time up, Marco.
22:50You have to leave.
23:01What's that?
23:10I think one of these two pipe-based toys is better than the other.
23:14Would you like to guess which one I think is better?
23:16Erm, I think you're going to say...
23:18Morgana's one. Correct.
23:20Do you? I do.
23:21I thought you were going to pick pipey.
23:23No, don't get me wrong.
23:24I hope you had a hat.
23:26For me, as a toy, the food was concealed within...
23:30What's yours called?
23:31The Roast Chicken Cracker for Poodles.
23:34It's a better toy because the chicken was concealed.
23:37Whereas Alan got a load of pipes together
23:40and then last minute got one of you to smear some food on the outside.
23:43That is true.
23:44Is it a better toy in a week when that's reeking of rotten chicken
23:47and that still smells like, you know, dog treats?
23:49That's a good point.
23:50Well, the great thing about pipey is that if your dog's not that interested in it,
23:54it's just a lovely object to have around the house.
23:56It's beautiful.
23:57It's beautiful.
23:59Here's how Marco got on with Priscilla.
24:03Marco!
24:06This is Priscilla.
24:15Okay, you've got three minutes left.
24:20Marco, that's one of Priscilla's legs.
24:29Okay, Marco, you've got two minutes.
24:33Oh!
24:39That's your time up, Marco.
24:40You can leave.
24:43You have to leave now, Marco.
24:50That's it.
24:51Who'd have thanked it?
24:53You're going to make such a good godfather.
24:56I mean, I take it back.
24:57Priscilla, the absolute runaway hit.
25:01Just a load of rubbish.
25:03A load of rubbish that didn't represent anything.
25:07And the dog would have stayed there all day.
25:10So, I imagine you can score this already.
25:14Yeah, if you're happy they're all cute toys.
25:15As I've said, they're all objet d'art I would welcome around my home.
25:19I mean, Marco ignored Desiree's chonky completely.
25:23Of course, chonky was a commercial disaster.
25:27LAUGHTER
25:28And I invested in that toy.
25:31So, one point to Desiree.
25:32It would be two to Victoria, I think, because he did play a little bit.
25:36Three points then to Alan's pipey.
25:37Yep.
25:38Four to Morgana's roast chicken cracker.
25:40And then against all odds.
25:42Yes.
25:43Goddard's Priscilla, no food involved, just string, a tongue, and some toilet rolls.
25:48Five points.
25:49Five points.
25:50Yes!
25:53Just goes to show you, on this show, sometimes it pays to put virtually no thought into your attempts.
25:59Right, what have we got next?
26:02Circles, lots of circles, and a shredder.
26:05Ooh.
26:18Oh, hello.
26:20Energy I brought to you.
26:21Do you mind shutting the door behind you?
26:25Hi Morgana.
26:26Hello.
26:27How are you feeling?
26:28I'm excellent, very, very calm, chilled.
26:32Love it when you have that cheeky smile, like, nothing to see here.
26:35So much to see here.
26:39Sit on the red chair.
26:43Sit on the red chair in the secret tower.
26:47Oh, secret tower.
26:49Okay, great.
26:51You may only step on circles on your way.
26:55You may only stand on each circle once, ay, ay, ay, unless it is black.
27:02You may stand on a black circle twice, but never twice in a row.
27:07That's enough rules.
27:10Also, oh, come on.
27:14Also, you must put this task in the shredder within the first minute.
27:21If you fail for any reason, Alex will blow his whistle, return everything to his starting position, and you must
27:27start again.
27:27It's cruel, brothers.
27:29It's cruel.
27:29It's cruel.
27:30Very cruel.
27:30C-R-U-E-L.
27:31Oh, yes.
27:33Okay, just hold on one second.
27:34Does that sign say secret tower?
27:36Yes.
27:36Fastest wins.
27:37My time starts when Alex says my name.
27:40I don't understand.
27:44Yeah, she wasn't the only one not to understand, but she was the main one.
27:49Each of them has sort of locked in a specific way of reacting to most tasks, though.
27:55Guzz is always absolutely calm, even though I know he's usually going to do quite badly.
28:01There's a feeling of, yeah, there, yeah, I think I've got this.
28:06Erm, the difficulty here for me would be remembering the rules.
28:10Yes.
28:10They were many and varied.
28:11It was overly complicated deliberately, because they then had to shred the task so they couldn't refer to it again.
28:15Yes, they couldn't re-read it.
28:16Very clever.
28:17Yes, a very clever boy.
28:19Do you want to see how Desiree and Victoria got on?
28:21You know I did.
28:23Okay, here we go.
28:24I hope you have a nice time in the Great Hall, Victoria.
28:27Thank you.
28:28Oh, you've said my name.
28:29Right.
28:30Okay.
28:30Well, have a nice time, Desiree.
28:32All right.
28:33Cheers.
28:33Thanks for serving my time.
28:34Much appreciated.
28:37Why did I put that so far away?
28:49In the first minute?
28:51Holy crap, that's not a lot of time.
28:55But you can go black, black.
28:56It's just the same one.
28:57It can't be.
28:58All the information is on the task.
29:02This is stressful.
29:07Please return to your first circle and start again.
29:09What did I do wrong?
29:10You were too slow to get to the shredder.
29:11Mother, father.
29:18Where's the chair?
29:20But it said there's a red chair in the secret tower.
29:24There is not a chair in this room.
29:27Ruined.
29:29Wow.
29:33But there isn't such a shred chair.
29:37Oh, joy.
29:40Okay.
29:44I've stopped the clock.
29:46Yay.
29:47Thanks for my suite.
29:48Yes, you can enjoy that now.
29:50Are they in the balloon?
29:52Yes.
29:52This is a suite.
29:54I mean, there's not quite a chair in a suite, can there?
29:57Am I supposed to make a chair?
29:59I mean, do I have to make it be in here?
30:09I think you do have to make it be in there.
30:14But there isn't a red chair.
30:17There's no red chair anywhere.
30:19So, if something is being sat on by a person, does that make it a chair?
30:28So, looking around, there's a red chair in the secret tower.
30:32If I sit on it, which I am now doing.
30:35Do you want me to stop the clock?
30:36Yes.
30:37I've stopped the clock.
30:38Thank you.
30:40Well, great.
30:46Okay, good.
30:48Desiree, just disappointingly chilled, really.
30:50I think she's perfectly happy with the task.
30:52You've briefly said mother-father.
30:55And I thought, good, we're on for some frustration.
30:57But pretty cool.
30:59Got there.
30:59Happy in the end.
31:00Well done, you.
31:01Now, Victoria.
31:03If ever there was a sentence that showed us we should never judge
31:07people on our previous impression of their intelligence,
31:09I believe it is the sentence,
31:12there can't be a chair within that suite, can there?
31:17You know, after a certain number of tasks, there was no trust left.
31:23My mind was addled.
31:26Maybe you suck the suite and then there's a little bit of paper,
31:29because you'll find the chair out of the window.
31:32It was yet another task where she forgot her glasses.
31:36Yeah.
31:36It's one of the main problems.
31:37Yeah.
31:38Let's cut the ladies some slack.
31:39Okay.
31:40Because she has on national television just said,
31:42there can't be a chair within that suite, can there?
31:45And that's going to be there for life.
31:48That's there forever.
31:50I'm going to allow your definition of a chair at this stage.
31:53Okay.
31:53Let's leave it.
31:54Fine.
31:54Who's next?
31:55Next up, it's Alan and Guz.
31:59Are you ready, Alan?
32:00I can only step on a red circle.
32:03Is that you saying my name?
32:05Yes.
32:06Twice whenever, twice in a row.
32:08Good luck, Guz.
32:09You saying my name?
32:17Oh, no.
32:26You know, I realise, because this is the kind of person I am,
32:29I should have read it one more time before I shred it.
32:31Now I don't even know what the task is.
32:33Long story cut short.
32:43Oh, do you know what?
32:46What's wrong, Alan?
32:48Well, I haven't got the red chair.
32:51Oh, it's going so well.
32:52Look where I've gone all this way.
32:54I was meant to get to the red chair.
32:56We're at stepping on these things.
32:57Now I'm here in this chair.
32:58And I don't know what the fuck is going on.
33:02I'm going to make a mistake right now.
33:04Let's fucking row.
33:05You stepped on that one three times, Guz.
33:07You have to start again.
33:07Please stand on that first circle.
33:12You know, I've just eaten two cream eggs
33:14and I'm not really up for this.
33:34Yeah, sweet. Can I have it?
33:35You can have the sweet.
33:36I'll stop the clock.
33:40Are you sat down on the red chair in the secret tower?
33:42I am.
33:43I'll stop the clock.
33:46Can I have my balloons back, please?
33:48Huh?
33:50What balloons are you talking about?
33:55You see what I mean about Guz?
33:57That initial confidence was...
33:58I followed Guz into battle.
34:00When you get there, you go,
34:02Oh, no, we shouldn't have come over this, Rich.
34:05You've got to get absolutely slaughtered.
34:08Guz went from, yeah, yeah, now I've got this covered,
34:10to being a man standing in a room with a handful of cardboard circles in his hand,
34:15having to guess the task.
34:19I'm sort of intrigued by your two cream eggs system.
34:22Yeah, before every task, Alan would have...
34:24Is that what happens at a certain time of day?
34:26Alan's got to have his two cream eggs?
34:28I don't remember at all.
34:30What I remember about that task is I collected every circle I could find in the room.
34:34Cos I thought when it said Secret Town and you opened the door,
34:37I imagined there was going to be another mile of walking.
34:39And it was just this tiny little room.
34:42Pointless.
34:42I went all the way over there to get these.
34:44The cream eggs had given you too much energy and you forgot the chair.
34:48One person left and she's the only Morgana we'll ever have on the show.
34:52So let's savour her name and watch her take on the task.
34:55Here is Morgana.
34:57Only step on circles, please, Morgana.
35:00So that's the shredder there?
35:01Yes.
35:02OK, I think I've got an idea.
35:03Well, I've said your name.
35:05Fuck!
35:16Pop it in the shredder.
35:29Right, please start again.
35:32How?
35:33Then you stood on it once.
35:34Yeah, but afterwards you stood over there.
35:36Don't want to argue with you.
35:36Please stand on the big circle.
35:42Sit on the red chair in the secret tower.
35:46I totally forgot about that bit, didn't I?
35:48Yeah.
35:51Oh!
35:52Well, where's the secret tower?
35:55What?
35:57This doesn't make any sense.
35:58This isn't a secret tower.
36:00No?
36:01Right, I need to give you another task now.
36:03You've just spent over a minute and you haven't shredded it.
36:07Oh!
36:11Oh, the secret tower!
36:28I might take these just in case.
36:30OK.
36:32HE LAUGHS
36:33HE LAUGHS
36:34HE LAUGHS
36:35Ah!
36:37HE LAUGHS
36:38HE LAUGHS
36:43Can I have that sweet?
36:44I've stopped the clock.
36:46You can eat your sweet.
36:46Thank you.
36:48It's a bit spooky, innit?
36:50Are you scared?
36:52Yeah, I don't know if it smells funny, innit?
36:55Right, well done.
36:59They're creating what will become known from this day forth
37:02as the Morgana Slide.
37:03Yes.
37:04And, bonus, we were treated to, er, Jack Nicholson, er, as the Joker.
37:10HE LAUGHS
37:12They actually got the giggles cos it was so ridiculous.
37:15I was like, what am I doing?
37:17Well, do you want me to give you the times?
37:19Yeah.
37:19Do you want me to give them in minutes and seconds
37:21or to convert it into years if we're saying one hour
37:23is the average lifespan of a human?
37:25Well, I'd like it just in minutes.
37:27Yes, but I've done...
37:28Like a normal person.
37:28Quite a lot of maths.
37:29But I also...
37:30I know that you like this novelty bullshit,
37:33so convert it, if you want.
37:34In which case, Victoria would have spent 11 years
37:36and 11 months getting to that secret tower.
37:38What on earth are you talking about?
37:41Just indulge him.
37:43Whereas Guz...
37:44Guz, nine years and one month, so still quite a long time.
37:47Six minutes, 45.
37:48Alan, five minutes, 37.
37:50Seven years and six months.
37:51Morgana took almost exactly five years.
37:54That's three minutes, 45.
37:55But Desiree, just over four years, three minutes, five seconds,
37:58she was quicker than the slide.
37:59She got five points.
38:00Oh, my God.
38:01Good. Yes.
38:03Morgana couldn't win the task, but she is joint in the lead
38:05with Guz Khan and 14 points.
38:07Whoa!
38:09APPLAUSE
38:09Then please remove yourselves from the chairs
38:11and head to the stage for the final task in the show!
38:18Hello, friends.
38:20And hello, Alex.
38:21I love you.
38:23OK, do you want someone to read the task?
38:25Yes, please.
38:26Guz Khan.
38:26OK.
38:28Let's try it then.
38:29Go on.
38:30Choose the number of sheets you want for the second part of the task.
38:36Each sheet will reduce your points total by five.
38:41You have 30 seconds to select your sheets.
38:45So, by sheets, obviously I meant sheets of paper, but we all know that.
38:48I should say every sheet of paper used will cost you five points
38:53in the game, whatever the game is.
38:54Ready?
38:57How many are in here?
38:58There's 25 in their box.
39:01Are we likely to wish we had more paper or wish we had less?
39:05Sheets on the table.
39:09That has annoyed them more than I thought it might.
39:12OK, so, Alan, how many sheets of paper did you choose?
39:14I've got eight.
39:14Eight for Alan.
39:16Whoops.
39:16It's on minus 40 already.
39:19So, sorry, how many have you chosen?
39:20Two.
39:21Guz?
39:21I did two as well.
39:22Morgana?
39:23Six.
39:24And Victoria?
39:25Seven.
39:26Seven.
39:26OK, I've got part two of the task for you now.
39:28Make paper airplanes.
39:30Your paper airplanes must look like airplanes.
39:34Can't just scrunch them into balls.
39:35You will have two minutes to make your paper airplanes,
39:38then 30 seconds each to throw all your paper airplanes into the receptacles.
39:41You'll see the receptacles have points on them.
39:43Most points wins.
39:45Your time starts now.
39:47Great.
39:48Great.
39:49So, the likes of Alan is up against it.
39:52He's on minus 40, but the bin over there is worth 10 points.
39:56I mean, imagine if I'd taken all 25, which I consider...
40:00Don't.
40:03How do you make it have that triangle at the end?
40:06Look, do that.
40:07That bit there.
40:08Five seconds.
40:09I don't know how you do it.
40:11I don't know how you do it.
40:11Oh, this is so unfair.
40:13Please stop folding your paper.
40:14So, we're going to go from first to last this time.
40:17Morgana is joint in the lead.
40:18So, Morgana, please bring all your planes over to the front.
40:20You're on minus 30 points at the moment.
40:21You've got 30 seconds to throw seven airplanes.
40:24Let's fly.
40:27Bollocks.
40:27Five points.
40:30Bollocks.
40:31Ten points.
40:33Bollocks.
40:37So close, not bollocks.
40:40Oh.
40:41Now, will she get any points for that?
40:43I'm afraid she won't.
40:46Bollocks.
40:48It's minus 30 to Morgana.
40:50Please return to your table.
40:51Sorry, Morgana.
40:52Don't need to break.
40:53Come on, guys.
40:54Flying is a tough game.
40:57Who's next?
40:58Next to play the tough game is Guz Khan.
41:00Ah, Top Gun.
41:00What are you flying towards, Guz?
41:02We try for the five.
41:03Uh-huh.
41:04And if it don't pan out, we'll just slap it down there.
41:06Yeah?
41:06That's what pilots say.
41:08Good life.
41:10OK.
41:11Oh, beautiful.
41:12Oh, what...
41:14You have to go for it.
41:16Oh!
41:18Guz Khan scores minus 10.
41:22Next up, it's Alan who's coming in third place.
41:24Alan, please bring your many, many planes to the front.
41:27Alan, 38 planes.
41:32Oh!
41:34Alan's going to do it.
41:35That was cruel.
41:36That was cruel.
41:38That took eight seconds.
41:39Go on, Al.
41:40Oh, the glide on it.
41:4217 seconds.
41:44Oh!
41:4514 seconds.
41:4615 points down.
41:47Oh!
41:4910 seconds left, Alan.
41:5010 seconds.
41:5010 seconds left.
41:5110 seconds left.
41:52Oh!
41:5310 seconds.
41:54Oh!
41:55Four seconds.
41:57Oh, it's gone wild!
41:58Oh, my God.
41:59Minus 40 to Alan Davies.
42:02An aeronautical disaster.
42:06Desiree up next with her two...
42:08Go on, Dee.
42:09Go on, Dee.
42:09Two aeroplanes.
42:12Oh!
42:13So close!
42:14Oh!
42:14It's going where it's going to go.
42:18Oh!
42:20Minus 10 to Desiree.
42:22APPLAUSE
42:22Well, it's all built up to Victoria's moment.
42:25Has it?
42:26Are you going to be the unlikely Top Gun?
42:29Can you show me that end one?
42:31Just see.
42:31This is no.
42:32This is an avant-garde.
42:33Look, look, there's his pointy nose.
42:35It's a Frank Geary.
42:35Yeah, it's like a...
42:36It's a work of art.
42:37Yeah, I'll buy that.
42:38Good luck, Victoria.
42:42Lovely floating action.
42:43Not a disaster.
42:44Get in the ball.
42:45Give it a bit of air.
42:45Don't go downwards.
42:46No, a little bit upwards.
42:49Oh!
42:50Oh!
42:50Oh!
42:5315 seconds left, Victoria.
42:55You almost saved the show!
42:59No.
42:59Oh!
43:00It hit it!
43:01You've got 10 seconds left, Victoria.
43:03Oh, OK.
43:03There.
43:04There.
43:04Lovely.
43:05And this.
43:07There.
43:07And the apple-garde.
43:08This is the one.
43:09This is the one.
43:10Come on, come on.
43:11The runt of the letter.
43:12Come on.
43:12Three!
43:15Minus 35.
43:17Minus 35.
43:21Absolutely appalling.
43:23It comes out so that we can conclude the worst task in the show's history.
43:35That was so exciting.
43:38Honestly, what an adrenaline rush.
43:40LAUGHTER
43:42Well, it was a task to see who could pick the fewest pieces of paper out of the box.
43:46So, um, Alan came last.
43:48Gets one point with his minus 40.
43:51Victoria, two, with minus 35.
43:53Morgana, three, with minus 30.
43:54We've got joint first place with minus 10, Desiree and Guz Khan.
43:57There it is.
43:59That means that Guz Khan is now into triple figures with the series score.
44:03Wow.
44:04He is our current leader.
44:05He has also won this episode with a massive 19 points.
44:08Guz Khan!
44:09Oh, my God!
44:10Guz Khan wins!
44:11Please, go and get your desirable thing and some other things!
44:16Yeah!
44:18So, what have we learnt today?
44:19We've learnt that if you find yourself on holiday and all the sun loungers have been taken,
44:23then why not wade your way through a tin of Quality Street?
44:26You never know, there might be a chair in there.
44:28We've also learnt that paper aeroplanes and bathroom furniture
44:31don't make good television.
44:33See you soon and well done again to Guz Khan!
45:07See you soon!
Comentários