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00:11Transcrição e Legendas por Quintena Coelho
00:34Well, hello, I'm Greg Davies.
00:37Welcome, one and all, to the Taskmaster Grand Final.
00:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:43What a journey our five mighty warriors have been on.
00:47And as we rush towards the moment where one of our fearless five
00:51raise aloft my golden bonce,
00:53I thought it would be nice for us to listen back
00:55to the series highlights so far.
00:57OK, so what's the situation?
01:00LAUGHTER
01:01You haven't had a bath to me!
01:04LAUGHTER
01:05Oh, guys, guys, guys, this is sugar, it's not salt.
01:08LAUGHTER
01:09They put, like, chemicals in the tap water.
01:11Who does? Government.
01:15LAUGHTER
01:16WHISTLE BLOWS
01:17And after that incredible soundscape, it's hard to believe they have
01:22any more glory left in them.
01:24Let's ask them to dig deep one more time.
01:27Please welcome...
01:28Charlotte Ritchie!
01:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:42Because I don't want to destroy his family by exposing the awful truth.
01:46Here he is!
01:47My biological son,
01:49Little Alex Horne!
01:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:53Technically possible.
01:55Technically true.
01:56LAUGHTER
01:57It's the final, Greg.
01:58I know.
01:59Hence, I'm wearing my special outfit.
02:01Oh, here we go.
02:02Highlighting my best bodily feature, which is, of course, my wonderful back.
02:07OK.
02:08You know I've got a lovely hairy back and I'm wearing a backless suit today.
02:11Are you?
02:12I am.
02:12And I'm going to show it off at the end of the episode.
02:15Oh, you're not even going to show them now?
02:17I'm luring the viewer to stay put with the programme.
02:20Right.
02:21What's the final prize task, then, Alex?
02:24Well, I'll tell you about it if you've just calmed down a flipping second.
02:27It's the thing that makes you look the toughest,
02:30like a nose ring or a nose stud or a nose bag.
02:33You will judge whose thing makes them look the toughest.
02:35They'll get five solid points and at the end of the episode,
02:37the person who's done the best points-wise will win all five tough things
02:40and swiftly replace Ross Kemp as the go-to hard person of telly.
02:46I like that bit.
02:47Yeah.
02:48Well, this will be a challenge for you, Charlotte, won't it?
02:51Erm, it's simple, it's tough, it's a leather cap.
02:54Simple tough.
02:55Leather cap.
02:56All right.
02:56Whoa.
02:57No, backwards too.
02:59That's pretty tough.
03:00Yeah.
03:00It's pretty tough.
03:01Caps are tough.
03:02Leather's even tougher.
03:04Caps are tough.
03:05Caps are tough.
03:06Caps are tough.
03:07I've never heard about this one.
03:07Do you?
03:08Yeah, I can tell by the way you're reacting.
03:10It's going to go well.
03:10I wish we had it here so I could put it on your head
03:12and show how not hard you look.
03:14Oh, I would.
03:14Oh, all right.
03:16What have you brought, Leigh?
03:17I have brought the toughest thing in the world.
03:19I have brought a coat hanger.
03:21OK.
03:22Whoa.
03:23That's it.
03:23Oh, dear, oh, dear.
03:24Yeah.
03:25When I was at university, my old mate got mugged.
03:30Oh.
03:30Sorry to hear that.
03:31He didn't come out of the house for about a week and he thought,
03:34well, I can't carry on living like this.
03:36This is ridiculous.
03:38So he then decided he wasn't going to leave the house unless he had one
03:42of them bent and put on his head.
03:46And his theory was that nobody mugs a man with a coat hanger on his head.
03:50Why?
03:51Well, you just think, well, that's a bit odd.
03:52I'll steer well clear of the man with a coat hanger on his head.
03:54Well, that's a surprisingly tough-looking object.
03:58I'm surprised.
03:59You talked me around a treat.
04:00Well done.
04:01Thank you.
04:02Sarah, can you beat a coat hanger?
04:04Doubt it.
04:05About ten years ago, I was watching the film The Road and I was pregnant
04:09and I suddenly thought, what am I going to do if I have a baby
04:13and there's, like, some sort of apocalypse or zombies
04:17or all the food and water runs out and there's chaos?
04:20What am I going to do?
04:21And I went down to a camping shop and assembled what I now call
04:25my apocalypse backpack.
04:27Well, this is the apocalypse bag.
04:28Oh.
04:28Yeah.
04:29But just wait...
04:31Just wait a second.
04:32Would you please...
04:33If I saw you wearing that in a dark alley, I'd be...
04:36It's not a dark alley, it's a zombie apocalypse mate.
04:40Is that skippy rope?
04:41Yeah.
04:42So if there's a fight outside a nightclub, you go,
04:44right, everybody calm down.
04:45Yeah.
04:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:47I just can't wait.
04:48For you to just think she'd be a pretty safe person,
04:50she's going to be hard as nothing.
04:51You'd be a lovely person to go on a walk in the country with.
04:53That's what you'd be.
04:54Jamali.
04:55Actually, let's not mess about.
04:56I've got a bat with a nail in it.
04:58Right.
04:59Now we're talking.
04:59Now we're talking.
05:01A bat with a nail in it.
05:02A bat with a nail in it.
05:03Right, thank you.
05:04There you go.
05:04I'm not messing around.
05:05I'm not playing no games.
05:07It's tough, isn't it?
05:08Because if someone had a bat, you'd go,
05:10but if he had a nail in it, you'd go,
05:11he's dedicated to...
05:13If you came into a room with that, I would absolutely shit myself
05:17and I would go looking for Sarah.
05:19There we go.
05:20Yeah.
05:20Can you imagine Charlotte wearing a leather cap backwards holding that?
05:23No.
05:23Oh.
05:24You're tough, right?
05:25I mean, you'd be tougher than Picnic Girl.
05:26Don't worry.
05:28Who's Picnic Girl?
05:29I think you're Picnic Girl.
05:34Well done.
05:35That's the first time I've ever drilled a nail into a bat
05:37and someone said, well done.
05:38Yeah.
05:38I appreciate that.
05:40All right, Mike?
05:41Regretting that yet?
05:42A little bit.
05:43Yeah.
05:45My toughest thing has a...
05:48It's tried and tested.
05:50So if I'm...
05:51If I'm scared and, you know, I've run out of milk
05:54and I need to go out and get my night-time milk.
05:57Yeah.
05:58But I can see that there's some street toughs by the newsagents,
06:00you know, wearing leather caps and, you know...
06:03Some street toughs.
06:04Then, um, if that happens, then I do this.
06:08Oh!
06:10Oh!
06:11Oh!
06:11Oh, wow!
06:12Wow!
06:13Oh!
06:14That's amazing!
06:18Wow!
06:20Then it's Mr Tough Guy time.
06:22Tick-tock, it's tough guy o'clock.
06:25And the bishop's hat may be going someplace a bishop's hat...
06:28Another girl!
06:30That's incredible, isn't it?
06:32I'm so jealous.
06:33I have brought in a punk rock hairdo wig.
06:36Here it is.
06:37Wow!
06:37Wow!
06:38Which the winner is welcome to.
06:40I'm genuinely speechless!
06:42LAUGHTER
06:43Right.
06:44Here we go.
06:44You ready?
06:45Yes, so in last place...
06:46One point.
06:47Picnic girl.
06:48Oh!
06:48Hello, Sarah!
06:49One point!
06:50Two points.
06:51And I do think this is a bit cruel, but I have to go by the full description,
06:55which was to make you look hard and not absolutely loopy.
06:58I'm going to give two points to Lee's coat hanger.
07:02Three points, because it's the hardest you'll ever look, to lovely Charlotte.
07:08Four points.
07:09I thought you had it in the bag, but come on.
07:12That's fair.
07:12I mean, the guy's a lunatic.
07:14That's fair.
07:14There you go.
07:15Four points to Jamali, five points to this absolute nutter.
07:18Well done, Mark.
07:18Well done, Mark.
07:20APPLAUSE
07:21Whoa!
07:23Right, let's get this final underway.
07:26Right, you are.
07:27And we're starting with my favourite thing to do at the weekend.
07:29It's office-based admin artwork in the garage.
07:48Hello, Jamali.
07:49How are you doing, Alex?
07:50Welcome to my office.
07:51Not like a garage, but yeah.
07:55Good luck.
07:56Thank you.
08:02Oh, nice.
08:03Nice, that.
08:03Nice touch.
08:04Oh, make the best picture of a big scary dinosaur using this photocopier.
08:09What's...
08:10What's that?
08:11We thought you could, um...
08:13Oh!
08:13Shit!
08:14Oh, my God!
08:14No!
08:15It's OK.
08:16Luckily it wasn't my eye, it was my top lip.
08:18I'm so sorry.
08:19I am so sorry, Alex.
08:22I think partly my fault.
08:23You may not leave the garage.
08:25You have 15 minutes, your time starts now.
08:28I'll just investigate what's available.
08:30Am I...
08:31I can, uh, avail myself of, uh...
08:33Yeah, it's just paper.
08:34Just paper.
08:34That's just paper in there, isn't it?
08:35Yeah.
08:37Um...
08:37That's the piano.
08:38That's just the piano.
08:39That's it.
08:40There you go.
08:41OK, I'm sorry I didn't see that.
08:42That's all right.
08:42Sorry.
08:43I'm really sorry, Alex.
08:44It's like a near-death experience.
08:46I'm gonna re-evaluate my life.
08:51Before we start, Greg, do you need to say, at home,
08:53you shouldn't photocopy your own face at home, do it in the office,
08:57and also you shouldn't fire staples into people's mouths or eyes.
09:00You shouldn't.
09:02You should have brought that for the prize task.
09:06Let's go.
09:07OK, the first guys we're gonna see
09:08have really owned their facial hair this series.
09:11It's Mike and Jamali.
09:12One of the few jobs I had, my auntie used to make me photocopy shit.
09:18Let's see.
09:26Oh, no.
09:28Oh, I know what I've done there.
09:29I've done a right boo-boo.
09:30Oh, no.
09:33This next phase is likely to be a failure.
09:41I've actually had my granddad's house yesterday,
09:43and he told me when am I gonna get a real job.
09:45And I'm like, I'm filming a TV show for Channel 4.
09:47But I understand what he meant there.
09:50It's got to go on with it time, isn't it, really?
09:54What would you call your big scary dinosaur?
09:56What type of dinosaur is it?
09:58It's got to be the old Gregosaurus, hasn't it?
10:00You know, sort of craven bid for points.
10:06I totally fucked up.
10:08I was gonna do the head as the host of the show,
10:11but I'd done Dara O'Brien instead,
10:13cos I forgot I've done Dara O'Brien.
10:14I forgot Dara O'Brien!
10:16I forgot Dara O'Brien!
10:24You look kind of similar.
10:26It's not like it's crazy, like...
10:27You two are totally different...
10:28You think I look like Dara O'Brien?
10:29A little bit.
10:30Are you mad?
10:31I've got the same vibe.
10:31I just thought you and I had started to grow closer together,
10:34and then you dropped that bond.
10:34But this was from ages ago.
10:35This was before our blushing in relationship, innit?
10:37This was like, this was pre, you know...
10:40All right.
10:41Are you OK?
10:41It was an innocent mistake.
10:43Look, let me ask you this before we move on.
10:45Yeah.
10:45What is my name?
10:47Greg Davis.
10:48Good.
10:48Fuck, mate.
10:49That was a lot of pressure there.
10:50I actually forgot for a second.
10:52Oh, shit.
10:55Gregosaurus, well done.
10:56Thank you.
10:57Good boy.
10:57See?
10:57See how it's done?
10:59Suck up to me.
11:00I feel a bit creepy now after all that.
11:01Yeah, yeah.
11:02Rightly so.
11:03Quite a contrast between the two men's approach.
11:05Some of Mike's vernacular that I wrote down during it.
11:08I've made a boo-boo.
11:10It's sort of get on with it time now, isn't it?
11:12Which joins the lexicon of your catchphrases.
11:16And that directly contrasts with one of the few jobs I've had.
11:21My auntie used to make me photocopy shit.
11:24Yeah, it's true.
11:25Do you want to see his final big scary dinosaur?
11:28Very much so.
11:30OK, good luck and enjoy this.
11:33Wow.
11:34For me, it looks like a dragonfly with two dicks.
11:38Do you know what?
11:39I do want to argue with you, but it kind of does it like a dragonfly
11:42with two dicks?
11:43Dragonflies were around during the prehistoric era.
11:45It's a terrifying creature, but I don't think it's a dinosaur,
11:48like I say.
11:49Well, it's got the big toe, it's got the long towel,
11:50it's got four legs, a body and a head.
11:52If someone said to me,
11:52what does Dara O'Breen look like as a prawn,
11:55that's how I would imagine it.
11:57Even though it's got my head on it, yeah?
11:58Oh, is that you? I thought it was Dara O'Breen.
12:00Oh, yeah. Very nice.
12:00Do you want to compare that to Mike's Gregosaurus?
12:02Yeah, please.
12:03Oh, it's big and it's scary.
12:05Here it is.
12:06Ooh.
12:07Oh.
12:08It's a friendly Gregosaurus.
12:09It looks like a bit of low-level primary school art to me.
12:12Yeah, which is about my level.
12:13It also looks a lot like Mike from my view.
12:16Your profile.
12:17Oh, yeah.
12:18We're now going to see Sarah Charlotte and Lee's attempt.
12:21Yes, it's the rest of them.
12:22Here we go.
12:23Is it dangerous to do, like, body parts?
12:28Is that a danger?
12:35Whoa!
12:37Come on!
12:39Argh!
12:41Arm.
12:42I'll use an arm as a leg.
12:45OK.
12:46If I do one, two...
12:49Get your face there, please.
12:50And like that.
12:51This is for the backside.
12:53Further to the left.
12:55Nah, it's not.
12:56It's not.
13:00OK.
13:00I've got an idea.
13:01Go on.
13:03That's it, son.
13:04Get yourself...
13:05Oh!
13:06Keep the...
13:06Keep your way up.
13:07Yeah.
13:08That's it.
13:08Now, you've got to fight your way up.
13:11I've pressed the button.
13:12It didn't make a noise.
13:13It's making a noise.
13:14Oh, my God.
13:18That's rubbish.
13:19I need to go back towards you.
13:21Ha!
13:22That hurts.
13:23Do it again.
13:27Yeah.
13:28Argh!
13:29Are you finished?
13:30Are you finished?
13:30No!
13:31Keep going!
13:31I can't go for much longer.
13:33Oh, you tell me about it!
13:34All right.
13:35So that's so not a body, but that's my dinosaur.
13:37Right.
13:38I think I'm sort of there now.
13:40There you go.
13:41Jurassic part six.
13:43Thank you, Lee.
13:44Thanks, Alex.
13:44I enjoyed that.
13:45I didn't.
13:49That's at the cool northern Boston.
13:58I'm going to show you Sarah's big scary dinosaur first.
14:04Yeah.
14:04It's a diplodocus or a diplodocus and it looks like this.
14:08Oh, it's a lot better than I thought it was going to be.
14:09That's good.
14:10Thank you, Greg.
14:11That's a sweet dinosaur, Sarah.
14:12Thank you, Greg.
14:13Who's next?
14:13Let's have a look at Charlotte's dinosaur.
14:16Here we go.
14:16Here it is.
14:17Oh, dear.
14:18Oh, it's got a head.
14:20It's caught one.
14:20It is eating another smaller dinosaur.
14:23Yeah.
14:23Oh, that's a horrible old thing, isn't it?
14:25You wouldn't want to come across that, would you?
14:27Perfect.
14:27Thanks, Jamali.
14:28What does that dinosaur walk on?
14:30It's big paper block.
14:33Some Neil says that at the beginning of Jurassic Park, doesn't he?
14:36This one walks on its big paper block.
14:38Yeah, he does.
14:39It's pretty scary.
14:40Well, if you think that's scary, do you want to look at Lee,
14:42who is the only one who used colour photocopying?
14:45Whoa.
14:46Here it is.
14:46Here we go.
14:47Oh.
14:47Oh, man.
14:48Oh, wow.
14:49That is awful.
14:50That's like the human sentence.
14:52Five bellies, two faces, but my face is the arse.
14:55I don't know if it's the dinosaur, Lee.
14:57It looks like someone's just broken into a serial killer's house.
15:00It's bad.
15:01Alex's face is the dinosaur bum?
15:03Absolutely.
15:04Of course.
15:04That's where he belongs to, isn't it?
15:06Get to the back, lad.
15:07Two quid an hour?
15:08Get back there.
15:08You're playing the arsehole.
15:09You're lucky I'm paying you, not paying you in milk.
15:13Would you like to see all five dinosaurs?
15:15Yeah, I need to do some sweet, sweet scoring.
15:16OK, here they are.
15:17Here's a herd of dinosaurs.
15:18I feel like I should reward size.
15:20Last place with one point.
15:22It's going to be Wozniak, I'm afraid.
15:24It's not big and it's not scary.
15:25Sounds fair.
15:26There you go.
15:28One point for the lovely Gregosaurus.
15:30On balance.
15:31We'll give Charlotte two points and Jamali three.
15:33OK, well done, Jamali.
15:34There you go.
15:35I mean, I hate looking at Lee, so I can't give it five points.
15:38And Sarah's is a perfect dinosaur.
15:40There you go.
15:41Four, five.
15:42Well done.
15:43Five points to Sarah Kendall.
15:44Thank you.
15:46Right.
15:47Show us the scoreboard.
15:48Any of three people here could still win the series.
15:52And today's episode is tighter than it's ever been.
15:54We have Charlotte on five, Lee, Mike and Sarah all on six,
15:57but Jamali's in the lead with seven.
15:58Hooray!
16:00Next task, please.
16:02Yes.
16:02And this one weighs heavy on my head.
16:05And feet.
16:22And feet.
16:24Oh, God.
16:29Thank you.
16:33You know, if I don't wax my legs, they are about as hairy as that.
16:40Hello, Jamali.
16:41How you doing?
16:45Scientifically work out how much Alex's feet and head weigh.
16:49You may not use the internet.
16:51Most accurate answer wins.
16:53You have 20 minutes.
16:54Your time starts now.
16:56What a strange thing to say, you may not use the internet.
16:59There's a lot of stuff about how much my head weighs on the internet.
17:01But not your feet?
17:02Not yet.
17:03Not yet.
17:04Feet and head.
17:06You've got a label, have you?
17:07Is that just to make sure that I know these are your feet?
17:10No, that's where you can write down the weight of the feet.
17:12Oh, I see.
17:12That makes sense, yeah.
17:13Does it count if I just go...
17:15Oh, no.
17:16I thought I could just go, oooey!
17:18Remember that joke?
17:20No.
17:20Yeah.
17:21How does that joke go?
17:21It's okay.
17:23Erm...
17:25It's a joke where somebody says, have you ever had your boobs weighed?
17:28And then you go, no, and they go, oooey!
17:31I could do that with my head if you want.
17:32Yeah, that's what I was going for.
17:33Okay.
17:33Also, not everybody can do that joke.
17:35Just to make that clear.
17:37Right.
17:37Close friends.
17:43I'm not sure it's cool to do that joke full stop anymore.
17:45I'm pretty certain you're right.
17:47I've worked hard to forge you a future career,
17:49and you've just ruined it in one boob gag.
17:51Kaboom, it's over.
17:52Erm, Jamali, you walked into a room,
17:55and Alex is dressed as a Roman,
17:57and you did not react at all.
17:59Oh, by this time, I was sick of his shit.
18:02LAUGHTER
18:03If a Roman, he's going to say some Caesar pun or something,
18:06I'm just not giving it to him.
18:07He didn't give it to me at all.
18:08He was the only one who didn't give it to me.
18:09Oh, my boy.
18:10Well done.
18:11So proud.
18:12You've really come on.
18:13I appreciate it, man.
18:14Do a pun.
18:16Well, OK.
18:17Well, here's Mike Wozzenmack.
18:19It's Mike and Lee.
18:21Mike Wozzenmack.
18:22If I weigh your head...
18:24Mm-hm.
18:25It says error.
18:26I think your head might be too heavy for these scales.
18:28Thank you.
18:29My immediate instinct is to put you in a bath.
18:33But that might not necessarily help.
18:36LAUGHTER
18:37I've got a plan.
18:39How would the bath help weighing my feet and head?
18:42Well, I'm just thinking...
18:43We know how much water weighs, don't we?
18:44We could see how much it's sort of displaced.
18:47OK.
18:47I happen to know that water weighs the same as the body.
18:52We put you in the bath, but just not your head in the bath.
18:55Could it be hot water?
18:56Yeah, of course.
18:57Of course, yeah.
18:58This water weighs 5.2 kilograms.
19:01Thank you.
19:030.2.
19:04OK.
19:05I want you to stick your left foot in there.
19:08That's it.
19:09That's it.
19:10It's not displacing enough.
19:11Get it out.
19:13Absolutely boiling.
19:14Are you going to be all right?
19:15I think it's OK.
19:16I think it's just in contrast to the searing coals.
19:19Oh, you get that over there like that.
19:21Now...
19:24Out it comes.
19:25I'm going to put that back on there.
19:28That weighs 5.5.
19:30The difference between 6.3 and 5.5 is 0.8.
19:35Now your head.
19:36How submerged can you get yourself?
19:39How's that doing?
19:41Tell you what.
19:41Go the other way out.
19:42We'll do your feet first.
19:44Let's just...
19:46Is that comfortable?
19:48That's quite good.
19:50Right.
19:51I'm going to fill the pad up to the brim using your foot water.
19:55Now, if you wouldn't mind, just put your feet in.
19:58Try not to put anything else in.
19:59Steady as she does it.
20:01Interesting.
20:01That's...
20:02That's less full now.
20:03Come on.
20:059.8 kilograms.
20:07I'm not very gentle.
20:09What?
20:09Nothing.
20:12There's one foot.
20:12Tell you what, we'll do one foot.
20:14If you could now submerge your head, if you can face it.
20:17Only has to be for a moment.
20:19So, what am I doing?
20:20You're going to put your head in under the water,
20:22but you have to go right over, otherwise it won't go in.
20:24Yes.
20:25Go.
20:26Is it warm?
20:27Well...
20:27Go right in.
20:28Hold your breath.
20:29Go.
20:29Come on, man up.
20:30Go.
20:31Go.
20:32Go in.
20:33Go in.
20:33Go in.
20:34Go in.
20:34Go in.
20:36Out!
20:37There he goes.
20:39That's fine.
20:40You can come up.
20:41Weigh that water.
20:42That's 5.6 kilograms.
20:465.6...
20:493.5 kilos for your feet.
20:528.65 kilos for your noggin.
20:56Thank you, Alex.
20:57The amount of water that was displaced was 4.2.
21:00So, Alex, your head is 4.2 kilograms.
21:04Your feet are both 0.8 kilograms.
21:09Thanks very much.
21:10It's been great working with you.
21:11I'll see you next year.
21:12Go on, Lee.
21:16Wow.
21:17Wow.
21:18Well done.
21:20I was very surprised by how scientific both men were,
21:24and also delighted by your lack of care towards my assistant.
21:28Oh, straight in.
21:29Permanent marker, I presume, you were scrawling on his legs?
21:31Of course.
21:31Yes.
21:32Threes in cold water.
21:33Sharpie.
21:34The details of my body were there for the next two weeks.
21:37I was worried that his head would be trapped in the pan.
21:39Were you?
21:40You weren't that worried.
21:41Not that worried, yeah.
21:41Because when he said it was cold water, you shouted, man up.
21:45Straight in.
21:46The northern farmer came straight back in.
21:48It was scientific and brutal at the same time.
21:51But while Lee's farmer was screaming, man up, get your head in,
21:57you said, pop your noggin down, I think.
22:00I don't want to kill the man.
22:02You're noggin.
22:03Increasingly, I think you're a Dickens character.
22:05You're noggin.
22:05You're sweet.
22:06I'm impressed by the science.
22:08Can you tell us stats yet, or...?
22:10I can.
22:10And the trick was using the right equipment, which Lee did.
22:13The bathtub was too vague, but it was sloshing all over the place.
22:16So my head's 4.5kg and my feet are a kilogram each.
22:20Lee said 4.2kg and 0.8kg each.
22:25He was very close to the right answer.
22:26Pretty good.
22:27Mike went for 8.2kg, so almost twice the size of a normal head,
22:31and 3.5kg for both feet, so not a million miles off.
22:34Well done, man.
22:35Next up, it's Jamali and Charlotte.
22:37What?
22:39Can I ask you questions?
22:40Uh-huh.
22:41How much does your head weigh?
22:42I've never weighed it.
22:43OK.
22:46It's 2.
22:47It's 21.
22:50OK.
22:50Cool.
22:51If you don't mind stepping on that.
22:53The whole of me?
22:53Yeah, the whole of you, yeah.
22:55So that's whole weight.
22:57Would you mind holding that up to the top of your head?
22:59Yeah, there.
23:00Thanks.
23:01OK.
23:03188.
23:04I'm assuming that's centimetres.
23:06OK.
23:07I'm just going to measure the length of your head.
23:09So, basically, I weighed one, and then I'm guessing that one.
23:13I just double it.
23:1526 divided by 188.
23:172, 4, 6, 8, 16.
23:20Right.
23:21Right, so you've got seven heads from head to toe.
23:24I often think of it like that.
23:26So, for every 26 centimetres of you, there's 12.44 kilograms.
23:30I just don't think our weight is equally distributed between head, shoulders, knees, and toes.
23:39Shit.
23:40It's error.
23:41It's weighing too much.
23:43OK.
23:43Now you can put it down.
23:46Error.
23:47I really think the conclusion might be that your brain weighs nothing at all.
23:51Now lay your head down.
23:53Move your head up.
23:54Could you go down really slowly for me?
23:57Slow.
23:58OK, you can go a little bit faster than that.
24:00That's a terrific skill.
24:03Well, the scales say 3.4 kilograms.
24:07The distance says 12.4 kilograms.
24:11So, I think what I might end up doing is making an estimate.
24:14So, I'm going to say 5 kilograms for your head.
24:16Ah, OK.
24:17Yeah, and then for your feet, much less.
24:20Because feet are actually quite light.
24:23Oh, yeah.
24:24They'd have to be light because you've got to pick them up so much.
24:27With that in mind, I'm just going to say 2 kilograms.
24:30All right, I'm going to make that into 3, just in case.
24:32Kilograms-ish.
24:34There you go.
24:36How much does my head weigh?
24:3840 kg.
24:3940 kg.
24:40Because that's the highest that this scale goes before breaking.
24:45So, it's near that.
24:47You know what I'm saying?
24:47OK.
24:48You've got a heavy head.
24:49Yes.
24:50Apparently so.
24:51There you go.
24:52Stop the watch.
24:53Thank you.
24:54Thanks, Jamali.
24:55It's all right.
25:01Did you just get bored of the task and think,
25:03Yeah.
25:04I'm just going to stick 40 kilograms down.
25:05No, I can't do maths, right?
25:08Right.
25:08So, I thought I'd do a comically big number.
25:11I think your attempt was as scientific as Charlotte's.
25:15Yeah.
25:15I don't need to go on about head, shoulders, knees and toes, do I?
25:18No.
25:18We know what your destiny is, so I can just let that go.
25:20Yeah, I'm letting it go.
25:22You said something about seven heads.
25:24Yeah, she worked out I was seven heads tall proportionally.
25:27Yeah.
25:27So, if your body was the same weight all the way up and down.
25:30Yeah.
25:31You just divide your whole weight by seven.
25:32There's some logic there.
25:33Yeah.
25:33So, if you cut the same height out of his shins.
25:37Yeah.
25:37Do you think that would be the same weight as his head?
25:39Yep.
25:39In Charlotte's defence, you have been saying that Alex is a tube
25:43for some weeks now.
25:45Yeah.
25:45Fair to yourself.
25:46You estimated pretty accurately.
25:48Pretty close.
25:48Five kilograms for the head, half a kilogram off, not far off.
25:51Not bad.
25:51Three kilograms for the feet in total.
25:53They weigh one each.
25:55Three's not bad.
25:56It's not bad at all.
25:56It's not bad.
25:58OK, well, finally, here is the patented Sarah Kendall method.
26:04OK, I found a set of scales.
26:06I don't know why I've got a watermelon, but it feels like the size
26:09of your head, but this doesn't have the weight on it.
26:11Ah, but you could weigh that with that.
26:15I know!
26:18Let's just start with you putting your head on this.
26:21OK.
26:22Um...
26:24OK, you can sit up now.
26:26About 4.5 kilos, that looks like.
26:29Do the same thing again, but in my hands.
26:32OK, just relax.
26:34OK, now sit up.
26:37Does feel very watermelon-y.
26:42That's about 2.53 kilos.
26:45If there were brains inside the watermelon, that'd be about right.
26:48Let's do your feet.
26:51Maybe that'll illuminate something.
26:58OK.
26:59Now I'm going to go and see if I can find some meat.
27:02Good luck.
27:05OK.
27:05This is the closest thing to meat that I could find.
27:09Mm-hmm.
27:11OK.
27:12How many fish fingers do we reckon we can fit in an Alex Corn foot?
27:182, 4, 10, 11.
27:21This is 360 grams, so that's 40 grams each.
27:25So 11 fish fingers at 40 grams each is 440 grams.
27:31So I'll say 880 grams.
27:34Lovely.
27:36I'm going to go 4.2 kilograms.
27:39Good.
27:40Fish fingers.
27:41Yeah, enjoy them.
27:42Bye-bye.
27:42Thank you.
27:43All right, goodbye.
27:50So your system is to find objects that you think will be the same weight
27:54as parts of the body and weigh those objects.
27:57Basically.
27:57I was with you on them, Ellen.
27:59Yeah?
27:59Sensible choice.
28:00Right.
28:00You lost me a little bit with Alex's feet being the same weight
28:04as a collection of boneless, breaded fish.
28:07She came in with those fish fingers.
28:08There's no sense of, I know I've done something ridiculous here,
28:11bringing these fish fingers in.
28:12It's like, OK, I think I've...
28:14I think I've got the fish fingers.
28:15We should be all right.
28:16I think there's the point in the task where you style it out.
28:20Yeah.
28:20There's no other rule.
28:21So I can tell you the scores, it's just numbers this time.
28:24Yeah.
28:25Jamali is last.
28:26Mike, next, gets two points.
28:29Sarah is third.
28:31Charlotte, with her estimate, comes second,
28:32but Lee was pretty much bang on with his real science.
28:34So he gets five points.
28:35There it is!
28:37APPLAUSE
28:38Do we have any more tasks left?
28:40We do, but it's the last one.
28:42And like my emotions, this one's all over the place.
28:57Please go and climb up those golden chair legs.
29:01Thank you.
29:03Please read out the task, not through the megaphone.
29:06OK.
29:07Direct your teammate into the red circle.
29:11I mean...
29:12Oh, that one.
29:13I was going to say, he's cracked it already.
29:15That's the starting point.
29:17You must stay on your chair at all times.
29:19You may only issue one instruction of three words...
29:24..of three words every 30 seconds.
29:28Fastest to get one teammate into the circle wins.
29:32Does he know that I only have three words?
29:34No.
29:35Just one teammate, Alex.
29:37So I can just let one wander into a tree and choose...
29:42You're going to say your time starts now?
29:43Do you want me to say your time starts now?
29:44I do want you to say your time starts now.
29:45Your time starts now.
29:49Is this working?
29:50Can you hear me?
29:51If you press the button.
29:52Is this working?
29:54Hello, hello.
29:54Is that...
29:55Can you hear me, Mike?
29:56I can.
29:58Lovely.
29:59Let's dance.
30:00Oh, OK.
30:01Who are we going to see first?
30:01Well, one's just over 40, the other's just under 60.
30:04It's Mike and Lee.
30:07180 degrees, turn.
30:16Walk, forward, 20.
30:26Be careful.
30:28Whoa!
30:31OK.
30:34Uphill, 20, go.
30:37Uphill, 20?
30:41Is this...
30:42Is this...
30:52Sorry, I shouldn't laugh.
30:54It's doing it again.
30:54It's very funny.
31:04Forward, 15.
31:1210 o'clock.
31:14Oh, is that one word or two?
31:17Two.
31:22South East, one.
31:25South East.
31:33Back, two.
31:40One, two, left.
31:45One, two, left.
31:47One, two, left.
31:51Back, one.
31:52Small.
31:59Bingo!
32:01You can leave the area now, Mike.
32:04Can I take these off?
32:05It's up to you.
32:06Yeah.
32:07Well, I will if it...
32:08Look at that.
32:08Hang on.
32:10By the way, I think you need to have a look at a compass.
32:14Oh, really?
32:15Não.
32:16Isso foi não southe.
32:20Aplausos.
32:21Aplausos.
32:21Aplausos.
32:22Aplausos.
32:23Aplausos.
32:24Aplausos.
32:24Aplausos.
32:24I think it literally southeastern, as in the real southeast.
32:28I mean, southeastern from where you are now facing.
32:30Does that make sense?
32:31The other thing that struck me is that just in time,
32:34Mike was warned that he was about to fall down a bunker,
32:37but not by you.
32:39I use my three words.
32:40It's true.
32:41He had used his three words.
32:42I think that was the first day I met him.
32:44It was.
32:44And I thought, I've got a problem here, cos if I say stop,
32:47I'll have old bloody Goebbels there on my back.
32:50Hi, mate.
32:51But he knew that I would rather get bunkered
32:55than break the rules and get disqualified.
32:57I just think that Lee sees anyone on who's passed a victory
33:00as collateral damage.
33:01That's what I would suggest.
33:02It was a spectacular fall, followed by a characteristic goat trot up.
33:09The goat trot.
33:10They seemed pretty efficient to me. Were they efficient?
33:12He got there in four minutes and ten seconds.
33:15Wow.
33:15Not a bad time.
33:16It's a team of three now, which means Sarah Kendall
33:19has two kids to try and control.
33:21Here we go.
33:22Charlotte, run.
33:24Just run.
33:24Three words.
33:28I can't believe this.
33:32There she is.
33:36Oh, my God.
33:39Charlotte, angle left.
33:43Keep running.
33:51Half left.
33:53Walk.
34:03Turn around.
34:05Run!
34:07Turn around.
34:09Go.
34:13Oh, my God.
34:14Why am I laughing so sick?
34:16Be careful here.
34:19OK.
34:23Run!
34:25Forward.
34:26Go.
34:27This is hell.
34:28Run!
34:31What's happening?
34:33180 degrees left.
34:35That's 180 degrees.
34:39Left?
34:40A little left.
34:42It feels like it's getting darker.
34:45Turn!
34:51Walk.
34:53Oh!
34:56Why do you have to stand here?
34:58Have you not moved yet?
35:00No.
35:01Oh, my.
35:02Jamali!
35:03Yo.
35:04Walk!
35:05Briskly.
35:06I think she can only say three words.
35:09All right.
35:11Careful.
35:19Ninety.
35:20Both.
35:21Oh.
35:23Left.
35:25Oh!
35:27Jamali.
35:29Turn!
35:33Walk.
35:34Walk.
35:34Walk.
35:34Walk.
35:35Turn.
35:37Walk.
35:37I'm sorry.
35:38Careful, Charlotte.
35:38Oh, my God.
35:40Jamali.
35:41Left.
35:43Walk.
35:44Right.
35:45Turn.
35:45Walk.
35:47Right.
35:49Charlotte.
35:50Walk.
35:51I can't.
35:52I've been burned.
35:56Jamali.
35:58Walk.
35:59Turn.
36:02Turn.
36:05Turn.
36:08Turn.
36:09Turn.
36:09They're like stinging nails and shit.
36:11Yes.
36:12Charlotte.
36:12Walk.
36:13Little left.
36:14Walk.
36:14Walk.
36:15Walk.
36:16Crouch.
36:18Crawl.
36:22Turn.
36:25Turn.
36:25Turn.
36:26Sweeping.
36:27Right.
36:28Turn.
36:29Crawl.
36:30Turn.
36:30Is there something I'm looking for?
36:33Oh.
36:37Well done, team.
36:39Guys, I am so sorry.
36:41What was the point?
36:42I don't know.
36:42What was the game?
36:48I mean, the one thing I'll give you is turn, turn, was a nice idea, outside of that.
36:56I mean, it was a total disaster.
36:58The thing is, I thought, what I'll do is, whoever goes in the correct direction, I'll just
37:02focus on them, and then I'd completely lost control of that situation.
37:05I thought, I'd better activate Jamali, because then I've got to...
37:08Activate him.
37:09Activate him.
37:11And then I had one in the hedges, one was sort of off in the car park, I was like...
37:16You wouldn't have activated Jamali at all, if he hadn't said, what the fuck am I doing?
37:21I completely forgot.
37:22Your running technique was interesting initially.
37:25Was somebody up there like that?
37:26It was round and round in a circle.
37:27It's not the fact that you can't see anything, it's the fact that you're being told what to do.
37:30Is that why at one point you started swimming in the air, or was that all part of the audition
37:35process?
37:36Yeah.
37:37I can't believe it.
37:38I mean, so incompetent.
37:40I can't imagine how long that took.
37:42Well, it's four minutes ten to beat.
37:43It felt like an eternity.
37:44It felt like about two hours.
37:46Ever.
37:46It wasn't as bad as that, it was 21 minutes and 18 seconds.
37:50Oh, OK.
37:50That was a long 21 minutes.
37:52I'm going to give Lee and Mike five points each, because they were very efficient.
37:56Thank you.
37:56That's great news for you guys.
37:58I think what's very fair is that the team of threes have two points each.
38:03Lovely.
38:03OK, so it's two points to the team of three, but five to Mike and Lee!
38:06There it is!
38:08APPLAUSE
38:09Let's have a little update.
38:10Jamali was in the lead in this episode, but he's now last with ten points.
38:13Lee Mack is in the lead with 16 points!
38:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:18All right, can anybody make your way to the stage for the final task of the series?
38:24APPLAUSE
38:29Oh, lovely.
38:31You think that's lovely?
38:34Oh!
38:35Oh!
38:36Oh!
38:37It really is lovely.
38:38That is so nasty.
38:40Oh, I could eat dinner off that.
38:41You like it?
38:42Gross.
38:43Absolutely gross.
38:45Thank you.
38:45It's like pig flesh.
38:47So, shall we?
38:49Yes.
38:49Sarah Kendall's going to read the task.
38:51I've got the task, so I'm going to just walk over them.
38:53They can have a nice little look at it as I go.
38:55Oh, look at that.
38:56Oh, my God.
38:57Oh!
38:57Feast your eyes.
38:58Oh!
38:59I couldn't stop looking, though.
39:01Hey, look at that.
39:02Please tell me that's nothing to do with the task.
39:04I'm going to open it for Sarah.
39:05Oh, good.
39:07Keeping your head still at all times.
39:10Correctly don your special outfit.
39:12For every second your face is out of the frame,
39:15ten seconds will be added to your time.
39:18Put your hands in the air when you're correctly dressed.
39:21Fastest wins.
39:24Fine.
39:25So, basically, taking your head out of those frames
39:27is going to cost you dearly.
39:28Quite right.
39:29So, in the box behind you, you've got a special outfit.
39:33I'm going to give you ten seconds to go and get it,
39:35and when I blow my whistle, your faces need to be in your frames,
39:40and from that point onwards, they need to stay in that frame
39:42while you put on the special outfit.
39:43If your head leaves the frame, and that's your nose going backwards
39:46or your head going from side to side,
39:48will add ten seconds to your time
39:49for every second that it's out of it.
39:51And when you're finished, if you can put your hands up,
39:53does that all make sense?
39:54Yeah.
39:54OK, everyone ready?
39:55Mm-hm.
39:56Triangle armpits, you ready?
39:58Good.
40:00Good luck, everyone.
40:04They're off.
40:05Ooh.
40:06You've got five seconds to get back.
40:07Oh, I see.
40:08Five seconds to get back.
40:09Faces should be through now, please.
40:10Faces through.
40:12And you can now get changed.
40:15OK, faces through.
40:16Noses should be poking out, please.
40:18Noses should be poking out.
40:19Oh, this is fun.
40:20Don't drop from the frame.
40:22I don't want to blow it now, Sarah.
40:25Don't drop from the frame.
40:26Have your nose through, please.
40:28Your nose should be...
40:28That's it.
40:29Oh, something's...
40:30Something's ripping.
40:31Hey, you're out.
40:32It's going to be tight.
40:33It's going to be tight.
40:34Feel free to rip it.
40:34Give it a good old yank.
40:36All right.
40:38Ow!
40:39That's it.
40:40He's ripped it.
40:41So, remember, arms, legs and head.
40:46Arms in the air when you think you're finished.
40:48Yeah.
40:51Hands in the air like you do care.
40:53They've all finished, Greg.
40:54Are you ready for the wall to fall?
40:56Reveal.
40:56Three, two, one, fall.
41:01There it is.
41:05There it is.
41:07There it is.
41:08They're all correctly dressed.
41:10Boop.
41:10Boop.
41:12Except...
41:14Are you the wrong way round?
41:15Yeah.
41:16Oh, except for Sarah.
41:17Yeah.
41:17You're displaying your tail proudly.
41:19Why not?
41:19This isn't, like, degrading or anything.
41:21No, no, no.
41:22Greg, is there any possibility we could stand here as long as possible?
41:24Hey, listen, I just want the casting directors to have a good look.
41:28Can you do a clockwise turn for us?
41:30All the way round?
41:31All the way round.
41:32Oh, how did he zip yours up, Charlotte?
41:34I feel like we're, like, five camels who've just robbed a bank.
41:39Right, get out of those preposterous costumes.
41:41Come down here and we'll see how it's affected the final score.
41:47APPLAUSE
41:48Well, well, well.
41:50Ah!
41:51Quite the tableau to finish on.
41:53What, a lot of lovely llamas.
41:54What a lovely group of llamas.
41:56A lovely load of llamas.
41:58They all took a different amount of time to complete the task,
42:00partly because of the time penalties.
42:03Sarah had an extra minute put on hers because she had hers the wrong way round.
42:07Yeah, I get that.
42:07You naughty llama.
42:09So, Sarah took 540 seconds, gets one point.
42:13Next was Jamali with 490 seconds.
42:15Then we leap up to five minutes.
42:17300 seconds was Lee Mack.
42:19Then we have Mike Wozniak with 210 seconds,
42:21but a whole minute quicker than anyone else was Charlotte Ritchie with 150 seconds.
42:25Wow!
42:25Five points!
42:27So quick.
42:28She's so little.
42:29It's that quick.
42:30Also, I genuinely can get dressed quick.
42:35Wow.
42:37That was a sentence that started quite big.
42:40That brag.
42:40Wow.
42:41That brag fell off a cliff.
42:43But in terms of the episode, it's not enough for Charlotte.
42:46It's not enough for Jamali, Sarah or Mike.
42:47With 19 points, the episode winner is Lee Mack.
42:50Whoa!
42:51I'm happy.
42:53Lee Mack wins!
42:54Get up, go up and toughen up!
42:57Woo!
42:57Woo-hoo!
43:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:02Oh my God.
43:10Yay!
43:10He's so tough.
43:12Oh my God.
43:15Yes!
43:15Woo!
43:16Right?
43:17Woo!
43:18Yeah!
43:20Here we are.
43:22It's crunch time.
43:23It's trophy time.
43:23It might even be Bamboo Time.
43:26It's been one of my favourite ever series.
43:28Just as I say at the end of every series.
43:30I've made my judgements and I stand by them.
43:33My work is done. Someone will be made by my decisions.
43:36So, little Alex Horne!
43:39Please, give us closure with the final figures.
43:42I will. It's final figure time, Greg.
43:44We've got, in fifth place, Charlotte Ritchie with 125.
43:50Respectful and a lovely suit.
43:52Jamali, you're next with 137.
43:55In a way, you sat in order because next up we've got Lee Mack with 151 points.
44:01And both these two are in the 150s.
44:03It's close.
44:04But the person in second place is sitting next to Lee Mack.
44:06It's Mike Wozniak with 154 points.
44:10But the person sitting next to Mike got 158 points.
44:14Which means the new Taskmaster Champion is Sarah Kendall!
44:19Please go and collect your trophy!
44:24APPLAUSE
44:26.
44:26.
44:26.
44:26.
44:28.
44:28Aplausos
44:58Aplausos
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