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00:11Transcrição e Legendas Pedro Negri
00:34Hello! Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I've been Taskmaster for some time now
00:41and sometimes children stop me in the street
00:44and they say, why are you so mean?
00:46And I always smile and I reply, why are you talking to me?
00:51You don't know me. Where are your parents anyway?
00:54What are you, feral? Look at me. Look at me.
00:57Are you crying now, are you? Good.
00:59Get your mum. Get your mum and I'll tell her the same.
01:02I'm not scared of your mum.
01:04So, let's meet the in-the-studio children desperate for daddy's approval.
01:10They are Alan Davis,
01:14Gazelle Birch,
01:16Gus Kahn,
01:18Morgana Robinson
01:18and Victoria Corrin-Mitchell.
01:22I'm sitting next to me, a man who once drunkenly told me
01:26that when it comes to childcare, he doesn't think his wife, Rachel, pulls her weight.
01:31Yes!
01:33Let's go on and talk!
01:36Might be the worst one, I think.
01:40How are you?
01:41I'm all right, I'm very calm.
01:42Oh, good. Why are you so calm?
01:43I've started meditating.
01:45I'm listening to some motivational, confidence-boosting music.
01:48Can I hear it?
01:49It's quite personal.
01:50Let's have a listen.
01:52I don't know if this will work.
02:14You may well end up being the Taskmaster soon,
02:16but I promise you this,
02:17there is only one way that will happen,
02:19and I will have to die.
02:21Good.
02:22Right.
02:23What have we got for the prize task this week?
02:26Well, Greg, you've asked them to bring in
02:28the best thing that has quite a few layers.
02:31Ooh, five points will be awarded for the best thing with quite a few layers,
02:34and the winner of the episode will go home all layered up,
02:36like the thick leg of an Arctic explorer,
02:38all wrapped up in lovely thermals from one of those outdoor equipment shops.
02:42Right.
02:43Victoria.
02:43Yes.
02:44What's the thing you've brought in with lots of layers?
02:46A poultry farmer.
02:48Here it is.
02:49OK.
02:49A little toy poultry farmer with lots of chicken.
02:52Oh, layers.
02:52Oh, very punny.
02:56It's a joke, it's a pun, and I love jokes.
02:59And the joke is?
03:00Layers.
03:01Yeah.
03:01Chickens lay eggs.
03:02Exactly.
03:03They lay eggs.
03:04Oh, you were waiting for that set-up.
03:06Yeah.
03:07I...
03:07And that's just got more points.
03:11I assumed you liked humour.
03:13Let's be absolutely clear, it is a shit joke.
03:16OK, we're the thing with a lot of layers here, because they lay eggs.
03:20Da-da, it's a joke.
03:22Oh, thank you, I've decided.
03:23OK.
03:25That's right.
03:26What I brought in is a niller wafer pudding.
03:29Uh, it is a banana pudding with these vanilla wafers.
03:33It's one of those things that's, like, my mum used to make.
03:36And it's like, you know, like, mums have, like, a recipe that has, like, some martyrdom inside and it makes
03:40it taste extra good, and I don't know how to do that.
03:42So I made my version, and I hope you like it.
03:45Here is her niller cake.
03:46Mums have martyrdom inside.
03:48Yes, they have the sainthood of being, like, you ruined my vagina and my life.
03:52Everything I will make you will taste amazing, because you can never achieve this level of sainthood.
03:58I've never sensed that in my mum's cooking.
04:02It does.
04:03Hello.
04:04I mean, you're going to crash straight ahead of these two, I know it.
04:08What have you brought in that's got layers?
04:09I bought a load of my jackets, and I put as many as humanly possible on Alex.
04:15There I am, in all his coats.
04:17And let me explain why I can justify why I did this.
04:19Please justify, because I can feel these people moving forward on their seats.
04:22Yes.
04:25What I would argue is that this show, and possibly your role, wouldn't be what it is without him.
04:32And therefore, him, in all my coats...
04:35Can I tell you?
04:36Yeah.
04:36You've just blown it.
04:43It's looking real tasty right now, huh?
04:45Yeah.
04:46Man.
04:47If someone could tell me a joke while I was filling my face full of that pudding.
04:53What kind?
04:54Vegetable lasagna.
04:55Vegetable lasagna.
04:56Here it is.
04:57Right.
04:58Not even one that looks nice.
05:01I like to eat mine in the dark, okay?
05:04It's creamy, it's comforting.
05:08Jesus.
05:08It's delicious.
05:09There's no meat in it, because I'm saving the planet.
05:11Yeah.
05:12Sometimes the things that look the worst taste scrumptious.
05:15Yeah.
05:15Yeah.
05:16I've been saying that for years.
05:20It's rummish.
05:21Good.
05:22Alan.
05:23I have brought in a wig, which was made in the 90s for a double of me.
05:29Here is the wig.
05:32That really was an absolute replica of what I looked like in about 1997.
05:40Has it got layers?
05:41It definitely has got layers.
05:42And layers, according to Cosmopolitan, will make your hair more full and swingy and leave
05:45you with tresses that just beg to be touched.
05:47Wow.
05:49Ready?
05:50Ready.
05:51Yes.
05:51OK.
05:51I'm going to give one point to Morgana's lasagna, because it was rubbish.
05:55I won!
05:59I'm going to give twice as many points to Victoria's joke, and I want you to reflect on that.
06:04I'm giving three points to Guz, because you spoke positively about Alex, and I don't like him.
06:13I'm giving four points to you, because the banana layered cake looked delicious.
06:17and I feel sorry for what you did to your mum.
06:20Yeah.
06:20And finally, just to annoy everybody, I'm giving a man who found an old wig in his attic five points.
06:27That's Taskmaster, and if you don't like it, top shit.
06:33Five points, darling David.
06:34Tweet, tweet as much as you like.
06:38At me.
06:40Five points, darling David.
06:45Outrageous.
06:45Well, come on, let's get going.
06:46Yes, well, slow down, Speed Demon.
06:49Let's just take it nice and easy, reduce the pace, and have a race.
07:09Hello.
07:11Hi, Guz.
07:13You all right?
07:15Complete the course as slowly as possible.
07:22You must be riding the bicycle forwards within the limits of the course at all times.
07:31Every time you put a foot on the ground, the clock will be paused and your final time will be
07:35halved.
07:36That is not very nice.
07:37If you leave the course or miss an instruction, your time will also be halved, and the clock will be
07:43paused until you are back in position.
07:47Slowest wins.
07:49Your time starts when Alex fires his starter's pistol in five minutes from now.
07:54Alex, is there anything really basic that you don't know how to do?
08:00What can't you do, Victoria?
08:04I never really learned to ride a bicycle.
08:06Ah.
08:07OK, so.
08:08First red water balloon in this bucket.
08:12Are you joking?
08:13I have to do something as well as riding a bike.
08:16Where is he?
08:17Take the hat from the mannequin and put it on the other mannequin.
08:21Fun times.
08:22Ah, read the letter on a bicycle.
08:27Are you good at cycling?
08:29Well, I mean, I can cycle.
08:31How hard can this be?
08:32You don't have one with stabilisers, I suppose.
08:35No.
08:35I mean, I've seen it done.
08:37It's not like...
08:38Ah!
08:39OK.
08:44Ah!
08:47Literally, how long have I got to learn to ride a bike?
08:49One minute.
08:50One minute.
08:53But how do you make it stop?
09:00Shit!
09:02Ah!
09:03How are you feeling?
09:04Oh, like I've just been high-beamed in the crotch, really.
09:12Well, you can already see this.
09:14All five of our mighty contestants are going to be hilarious during this.
09:17because there is one attempt that I am looking forward to more than the others.
09:21Can you guess who it is?
09:24Do you know what?
09:25The thing is, I am feeling quite liberated.
09:27Hang on a minute, before you go off on one, let me ask you a direct question.
09:32Yes.
09:33Why can't you ride a bike?
09:34I just thought, I don't know, we were in central London, there was a lot of traffic, I never, I
09:39never had a bike.
09:40I mean, the fact that you are prepared to have a go at it, is delicious.
09:44Just check, you are happy with the phrase, high-beamed in the crotch?
09:47I was more than happy with high-beamed in the crotch.
09:50Did you have a choice of bike?
09:52Yes, but that other bike is too small, I'm going to look like a bear in a circus, like trying
09:57to do that thing.
09:58And so I just had to take the men's bike.
10:02Right, let's go.
10:03OK, well, first of all, we're going to see Alan, Desiree and Morgana.
10:06On your marks, get set, slow.
10:09OK, good luck, Alan.
10:11Good luck, Morgana.
10:12Thank you.
10:12Good luck, Desiree.
10:13Jesus.
10:15Your time, start, task.
10:21This is going way too fast.
10:27Oh, we did it first.
10:36What do I do?
10:38Well, what do the instructions say?
10:40Start again.
10:41Oh, jeez.
10:43Oh, no.
10:45Just pause the clock.
10:46You'll be back on when you get to where you were.
10:52Ooh.
10:54Third time is totally the charm.
10:56No, come back here.
10:58Oh, God.
10:59OK.
11:00All right.
11:01OK.
11:03It's going out.
11:04I need that hat, though.
11:05Ah, OK.
11:06No, I'm not in there.
11:07There's one.
11:13It's going to be the first time I've ever been fast at anything.
11:22God.
11:25Get on there.
11:33I can't reach it.
11:34I can't reach it.
11:35I can't reach it.
11:37You're cycling him.
11:39Ah!
11:43Stop, you bastard.
11:45Stop.
11:46Ah.
11:48I am a speedy cyclist.
11:58I've stopped the clock.
12:02Oh.
12:05I'm a speedy cyclist.
12:07Join me.
12:09I am a speedy cyclist.
12:12I've stopped the clock.
12:14Thank you, Morgana.
12:15Welcome.
12:19I've tried not to be aegis towards Alan because I'm a man of a certain vintage myself, but I couldn't
12:25help but thinking that's how you ride a bike anyway.
12:28Very much so.
12:29Desiree, I know you were worried about, you know, being high-beamed in the crotch, but my feeling was it
12:35was like ballet watching you.
12:38Just poised.
12:39It's never been said about me, so I will receive it as though it were sincere.
12:46Morgana tried to do a little cheat, little whistle, when Alex's back was turned.
12:51If only we'd remembered all those pusky cameras.
12:57I can't really tell from the video how well they did, so give me some statistics.
13:01Yeah, well, I can tell you that Morgana made a mistake with the balloon.
13:04It was meant to be a red balloon.
13:06Oh, man.
13:06I didn't read that.
13:07And she was also fairly quick on the bicycle.
13:10She did the whole course in 68 seconds.
13:11She made nine mistakes, so 68 divided by two, nine times.
13:15She did the whole course in 1 16th of a second.
13:17Oh.
13:18Whereas Alan did it in 72 seconds, made five mistakes.
13:21That divided by two, five times, is two and a half seconds.
13:25And Desiree, 84 seconds, five mistakes.
13:28So she is the slowest so far, 2.625 seconds.
13:32For the final race, we've got Gus Kahn.
13:34And in the interest of contrast, first-time cyclist Victoria Corrin-Mitchell.
13:39Here we go.
13:42Good luck, Gus.
13:43Okay, brother.
13:44On your marks, get set, task.
13:49Oh.
13:56You haven't crossed the line yet.
13:57It's all right.
13:58All right.
14:02We're off.
14:03Oh, my God.
14:04Oh, my God.
14:07Do you think the trick is constant motion for how it works?
14:10Okay.
14:12I have to pick up a thing?
14:14Yes, please.
14:14But that's so dangerous.
14:16Right, I'm going to have to stop to pick it up.
14:19Okay.
14:22Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
14:26Ah!
14:27Ah!
14:28Okay, okay.
14:29Come on.
14:29There we go.
14:30There.
14:30There.
14:31Ah!
14:31Oh, my God.
14:32Oh, my God.
14:33Oh, my God.
14:33Oh, my God.
14:34I can't.
14:35I was actually psyched up to drop it in, and then I didn't.
14:38I can't do it with one hand.
14:39There we go.
14:43Ah!
14:44Okay.
14:45Okay, okay, okay.
14:46There we go.
14:46There.
14:48Ah!
14:49Ah!
14:50I can't.
14:50Ah!
14:51No, I'm sorry.
14:52You can't do this with one hand.
14:56Ah!
15:00It's too fast.
15:01It's too fast.
15:05Put that on there.
15:11I'm a speedy cyclist.
15:13I am a speedy cyclist.
15:15Now I've got to post it.
15:17Ah!
15:17It goes very quickly down.
15:19Oh, my God.
15:23Oh, God.
15:30I've stopped the clock.
15:31Is it finished?
15:31Oh, God.
15:36Oh, God.
15:38Oh, I've stopped the clock.
15:47Can I try riding it a bit more?
15:49I feel like I've found a new skill.
15:53Oh.
15:58Ah!
16:00Do you know, without the stress of the tasks,
16:02it's actually much easier.
16:05Look at that.
16:07Oh, my God.
16:08Oh!
16:09Ah!
16:18It's actually quite touching to see you learn to ride a bike.
16:21And yet, I was still hoping you'd crash into that hedge.
16:27Guz, I thought you were just magnificent at this task
16:30up until the final pedal technique,
16:32which I'm fascinated by.
16:34The pedal and down, I'm going to call it.
16:36Yeah, it's because I had to get off.
16:38It was really hurting, and I said it to him about ten times.
16:40And did he help you?
16:41Of course not.
16:41You heard him in the task.
16:43I asked him a question, and his response was all right.
16:45It wasn't even answered the question.
16:46I'm intrigued as to what Guz did,
16:48because up until pedaling down,
16:50he looked like a professional.
16:51He looked good, but he was fast.
16:5364 seconds he completed the course.
16:55Seven mistakes, so when you do the maths,
16:58his final time was half a second.
17:00OK, and how did the person who's never ridden a bike before?
17:02Oh.
17:03She was the slowest time out of everyone, 95 seconds.
17:07She was stationary for quite a lot of the time.
17:09Eight times she put the foot down,
17:11so ended up with 0.124,
17:13just under an eighth of a second.
17:15So she comes fourth.
17:17Morgana is last,
17:18but the winner of the task,
17:19with 2.65 seconds, was Desiree Purch.
17:22Desiree Purch!
17:23Yes, baby!
17:25And now, what does that do for our scoreboard?
17:27OK, well, we've got joint leaders.
17:29It's these two.
17:29Desiree and Alan have nine points.
17:31Lovely.
17:34Let's have another one.
17:36Yes, and now for a nice round of toast.
17:51Hello, Alan.
17:52Hi.
17:53Do you want to go into the kitchen?
17:54Oh, you probably shouldn't stick that kind of thing in the toaster.
17:57It's a bit dangerous, isn't it?
17:59It's very dangerous.
18:00Eh?
18:00Be very careful.
18:01It's not a trick if I had asthma.
18:03It's a lot of danger in here.
18:05Ah!
18:06Oh!
18:14Ah!
18:20Ah!
18:20Ah!
18:22I don't feel very well.
18:23Spread jam on a slice of toast in a really cool way.
18:28Coolest jam spreading wins.
18:30I have 20 minutes!
18:32Your time starts now.
18:34Oh, I did...
18:35Oh, God.
18:36Dick.
18:37If I knew what cool was,
18:39I would not have arrived at this point in my life.
18:41Alex, I don't want to blow my own trumpet here, brother.
18:43Like, I think the public perception of me is that I'm quite cool.
18:48If you are cool, Guz,
18:50what makes cool?
18:51Because, honestly,
18:53you look pretty frightened when that toaster went up.
18:57OK, listen,
18:58I would argue that
18:59somebody popping out that was on fire
19:01at anybody
19:03would make them not look cool.
19:05Sometimes when I really...
19:06I was like, OK, I might be cool.
19:07It's when I was a teacher.
19:08You were also a teacher.
19:09I was.
19:10And when I was the guy that would walk in school in the morning,
19:13the kids would be like,
19:13Yes, Khan, why won't we do?
19:14I'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:16Firms is this and that.
19:17And then when my colleagues came in,
19:18the kids would be like,
19:18You're a dickhead.
19:19So I was like,
19:20Yeah.
19:21And the cool is up there.
19:22And everyone else is a dickhead.
19:25It's a fair point.
19:26Good.
19:26It's a point I'm making.
19:28Good. That does make you cool.
19:29Being friends with the children.
19:31Right, let's have a look.
19:32Let me listen first.
19:33We're going to begin with
19:35Morgaza.
19:36Morgaza.
19:36Here they are.
19:38Let me do one,
19:39just with my natural flavor.
19:41Okay.
19:42Let me see if you think this is cool.
19:43All right?
19:44Okay.
19:47You've got to call that one.
19:48See how did that?
19:49Flicked it.
19:50Ow, shit!
19:51That's not so cool,
19:52but I'll burn myself for real.
19:56I think that's the whole freezer.
20:04In bed with Morgana.
20:15Now?
20:16Now!
20:19Ow!
20:21Are you ready?
20:23Yes.
20:23I need some more enthusiasm, my G.
20:25Are you ready, Bates?
20:27Oh, yes!
20:28Like that!
20:41So close.
20:48All right.
20:49Thanks, Morgaza.
20:53Cool, guys.
20:54A lot of cool going on in there.
20:57Gus said,
20:58let me just do one with my natural flavor.
21:02Then you flick the lid of the jam jar off.
21:05Yeah.
21:06At that point,
21:06I was thinking,
21:08that's not that cool.
21:09Then you burnt your hand.
21:12I was thinking,
21:13oh, no, that isn't,
21:14no, that's definitely not cool.
21:17And then,
21:18he shattered my expectations.
21:20Ooh.
21:21Oh.
21:21Because I am surprised
21:22by how cool
21:23I found
21:24applying jam to toast
21:26with two croquet mallets.
21:27Yeah.
21:28I actually did find myself
21:29going,
21:30that's pretty cool.
21:32Morgana,
21:33I think you may have misread the task.
21:35We wanted you to try
21:36and look cool
21:37while putting jam on some toast.
21:38I think you might have read
21:39Have a Full Breakdown.
21:45I generally have,
21:46I'll have one of those every day.
21:49What was that
21:50that you popped down your top?
21:52Cornetto's.
21:52That was in bed with Madonna.
21:53It was a terrible idea.
21:55When I was using my cool-o-meter throughout,
21:57I thought,
21:58oh, this is awful.
21:59We probably need to intervene.
22:00Yeah.
22:01Until right at the end,
22:03when you took a little bite
22:04of your pea-covered jam toast,
22:06I thought,
22:07eh,
22:07fairly cool.
22:10As cool as you like.
22:12Let's see some others.
22:13OK.
22:13Two really cool people next.
22:15They're your classic jam spreaders,
22:16Alan and Desiree.
22:23That's cool.
22:24Hey, toast.
22:25Hey, little toasty.
22:28Just got to say, really,
22:30it's all in the eye of the beholder,
22:32isn't it?
22:33I know what's really cool is...
22:36Oh, I love you.
22:38I love you so much,
22:39you're all beautiful toast.
22:41Ah, ah.
22:43Ah, ah.
22:45Fine, get away.
22:46I never loved you.
22:49It's always cool
22:50to have one pair,
22:52sort of, in you.
22:53Isn't it?
22:54Yeah.
22:55It's quite cool
22:56to have one pair
22:56on top of your head.
22:59Oh, yeah.
23:09Oh, that felt really cool.
23:14Oh, yeah,
23:15I guess I should put
23:15a political statement up here.
23:17But first,
23:18it would be super cool
23:20if her boobies stayed up.
23:22Yeah.
23:23All right.
23:25Oh, no!
23:29It'd be hard-pressed
23:30to think of a cooler way.
23:33Whole strawberry there.
23:35There.
23:36I'm just mentioning that
23:37for health and safety reasons,
23:38because the power of this thing.
23:40So all the kids
23:41are socialists these days.
23:43He's swaggering
23:44around the hotel gardens.
23:45Oh, no,
23:46he's going to blow leaves.
23:47He's going to blow leaves.
23:48What's the point?
23:49But actually...
23:56That...
23:57That is a name-changer.
23:59This is temporary.
24:00It's going to rain.
24:01But the memory
24:02of what was once there
24:03will still have an impact.
24:12The coolest thing I saw
24:13was I was ringing
24:14that little bell.
24:16Is it cool
24:17to spit-lick
24:18some jam onto toast?
24:20It felt rock and roll.
24:22I don't think it's going
24:23to get you invited
24:23to cool parties.
24:25I'll get that girl
24:26that spits jam onto toast.
24:29There was a moment
24:30where I thought
24:31that Alan...
24:32That Alan,
24:33walking round the garden
24:34with three pairs of sunglasses on,
24:36with a leaf blower
24:37in his hand
24:38and some jam toast
24:40in one hand,
24:41I thought,
24:41there is something
24:42quite cool about that.
24:43But it was when you
24:44started blowing jam
24:45from the blower
24:46onto the toast
24:47that you lost cool points.
24:50and anti-capitalist
24:51stance is certainly cool.
24:53Yes, right?
24:53I'm not sure
24:54the anti-capitalist stance
24:55was driven home
24:56by the toast-titted woman.
24:59Yeah, but, you know,
25:00like, sex is still used
25:01to get across messages
25:03even in politics,
25:04you know?
25:04Yeah, well,
25:04who am I to judge,
25:05but...
25:06Well, you're the taskmaster.
25:07But...
25:07Yeah, but...
25:09Who am I to judge
25:10whether a square-titted toast
25:11woman is sexy or not?
25:14There's just one hip cat left.
25:16It's Victoria.
25:18My question, Alex,
25:19both about this task,
25:21I mean,
25:21it's a question
25:22I've been asking
25:22since I was a teenager.
25:23Who decides what's cool?
25:26Since you were a teenager,
25:27Greg Davis
25:28has always decided
25:29what's cool.
25:30What I think cool is,
25:33you know,
25:34customising your own inhaler.
25:36Do you know what I mean?
25:37Like, having different glasses
25:39for different occasions.
25:41Not necessarily a motorbike.
25:50This is another thing
25:51about cool people.
25:53They're daredevils, aren't they?
25:54They have little regard
25:55for their own health.
25:56My thinking is, right,
25:59that by using the spade
26:02for gardening,
26:03look, it's got some...
26:04And then spreading it like that.
26:06If I eat this toast
26:07and don't think about
26:09what might have been
26:10on the spade
26:11or the germs
26:11or what might happen to me,
26:13a lot of people
26:14will be preoccupied with,
26:16you know,
26:17what if they got a bit ill
26:18and they got a bit sick
26:19and...
26:20Not me.
26:23Whoa, that was cool.
26:24I virtually don't care.
26:25Is it gritty?
26:27I'm not delighted by it.
26:29It's not a bit of a wild.
26:32No, that's disgusting.
26:33But cool, yes.
26:34Thanks, Victoria.
26:40Have you ever customised
26:42your own inhaler?
26:43I have done that, yes.
26:45Oh, you have?
26:46Did you bedazzle your inhaler?
26:48Yeah.
26:49You stuck jewels to it?
26:50Yeah.
26:51Well, not jewels,
26:51but little glittery stickers.
26:53Oh, Victoria.
26:55But as you can see from it,
26:56I just...
26:56I don't fear death.
26:58In fact,
26:58the more this series goes on,
26:59the more I yearn for it.
27:03That is literally the only cool thing about this.
27:05Here we go, then.
27:06I am going to put Desiree and Morgana
27:10on two points each.
27:11Although there were cool moments,
27:13the overall flavour was unhinged.
27:16Not cool.
27:18Very cool.
27:19All the coolest people are unhinged.
27:21I'm going to give three points
27:23just because of her defiance
27:24to the jam-spreading trial wielder
27:28that is Victoria Corrin Mitchell.
27:30Three cool points.
27:31OK.
27:31Here we go.
27:32And just because
27:33he dinged that bell beautifully
27:34and then when he held the leaf blower
27:36for a beat
27:37and looked around the garden
27:38as if he doesn't care
27:39what people think,
27:40I'm going to give Alan
27:41an undeserved four points.
27:43Wow.
27:44Three pairs of sunglasses
27:44is four points.
27:45And Guz, undeniably,
27:47changing the future
27:48of croquet
27:50single-handedly
27:51is the coolest person here.
27:53Five points.
27:57Have we got time
27:58for one other?
27:59We probably have.
28:00It's probably a team one
28:02and it's probably riddled
28:03with tasks.
28:21Hi.
28:22Hello, Geoffrey.
28:24Hello.
28:24Hello, Alan.
28:26Where's Alex?
28:29Hmm.
28:32Solve the riddle.
28:35Solve the riddle.
28:36Solve the riddle.
28:37You must all stay in your rooms.
28:39Rooms?
28:41Fastest wins.
28:42Your time starts now.
28:44Also, you will get two bonus points
28:46if you can make one of your teammates
28:48say submarine.
28:50You may not say submarine at any point.
28:52If they think you've tried
28:53to make them say submarine,
28:55you lose two points.
28:57Your time starts now.
29:01The proper etiquette with riddles is that you tell someone the riddle
29:05and then they solve it.
29:08So, just putting that out there.
29:11Suggestion for the suggestion box.
29:18Did anyone else find Alex not telling you
29:20what the riddle was irritating?
29:22Yeah.
29:22The whole thing was a pain in the arse,
29:24this one, wasn't it?
29:26The worst shit I've ever...
29:27Honestly?
29:28So, Morgana had her own personal task in that caravan.
29:31She was mainly meant to make these two people
29:33say the word submarine
29:34and they didn't know anything about it.
29:35Let's play on.
29:36We're going to see the team of two, first of all.
29:38Here's how our super intelligent quiz show legends got on.
29:44Pat and Natasha.
29:48I've got a really big head.
29:50Solve the riddle.
29:55You may only open me
29:56when someone looks like Charlie Chaplin.
30:00Hello?
30:03Hello?
30:12Victoria?
30:13Yeah?
30:14Can you hear me?
30:15Oh, yes.
30:16My task says,
30:17solve the riddle fastest wins.
30:19So does mine.
30:20I've also got a jigsaw
30:22with letters on the back,
30:24a piece of paper
30:25with some coded letters
30:26and an envelope.
30:28Have you got anything?
30:29I've got a bell,
30:31an orange
30:32and attached to my table
30:34is a bowler hat
30:35and a moustache.
30:36Can you make yourself
30:38look like Charlie Chaplin
30:39and tell me when you've done that?
30:41Copy that.
30:43Just doing the jigsaw.
30:46I now look like Charlie Chaplin.
30:50Excellent.
30:51In that case,
30:52I'm going to look at an envelope.
30:53Copy that.
30:55Inside the envelope
30:56is a diagram.
30:58It could be a picture of a room
31:00with an X
31:01marking something.
31:03On one side of it,
31:06there's a big square.
31:08To the left,
31:09there'd be an X
31:10on the wall.
31:13Sorry, Victoria,
31:14I'm not seeing any Xs.
31:16The X is behind
31:18something that might also
31:19be a door or a window.
31:22I've nearly finished
31:23the jigsaw, though.
31:24I mean,
31:25it's missing some pieces,
31:26which doesn't help.
31:27So I think
31:28you might have
31:29the other half.
31:31I think I've found
31:32the jigsaw pieces.
31:35OK, I'm going to
31:36attempt to decipher
31:37this code.
31:42G must equal T.
31:44That'll be L.
31:45Do your edges.
31:46Do your edges first.
31:48Always a good idea
31:49to find the corners.
31:50What if you haven't
31:50got any corners?
31:51Just crack on.
31:52F must be S.
31:54Oh, now where's
31:55the rest of his head?
31:56What is greater
31:57than T?
32:01I bet there
32:02should be a comma.
32:05A equals A,
32:07B equals L.
32:08Is B, L.
32:09Hi, Victoria.
32:11Have you got a code
32:11on the top of your...
32:12Yes, and I've
32:13nearly deciphered it.
32:14Just give me
32:15one more minute.
32:17A is B.
32:19Is this something
32:20I'm supposed to decipher?
32:21I've got a pen.
32:22I'm nearly done.
32:22I don't know what J is,
32:24but I'm nearly there.
32:25J equals C.
32:28How do you know that?
32:30Because I've got a code
32:32on the back of my jigsaw.
32:34Oh, you've got
32:34the only letters.
32:35You've got E equals Y.
32:37E equals Y.
32:39OK, I think this is
32:41the riddle.
32:42What is greater
32:43than the taskmaster,
32:45more evil than the devil?
32:48Alex has it.
32:49The taskmaster needs it.
32:52If you eat it,
32:53you'll die.
32:54What if the answer
32:56is nothing?
32:57Does that work?
32:58Alex has nothing.
33:00The taskmaster needs nothing.
33:01And if you eat nothing,
33:02you'll die.
33:03Oh, that's pretty good.
33:05Is nothing the answer?
33:06Do you want me to
33:07stop the clock?
33:07Yeah.
33:08I've stopped the clock.
33:10Alex has stopped the clock.
33:11Thank you very much.
33:17Well, seeing Victoria
33:18spring into life there,
33:20it was like watching
33:20an athlete in her prime.
33:22This is my task,
33:23she thought,
33:24and she just got on with it,
33:26barely stopping to think
33:27whether Alan could contribute.
33:30Which is merciful,
33:31because Alan,
33:33to me,
33:33seemed to take on
33:34the persona of Charlie
33:36Chaplin
33:36and just sort of
33:38mooch about the space.
33:41I mean,
33:41actually,
33:42we didn't think
33:42anyone could solve it
33:43with only half the jigsaw,
33:44but she managed to do it.
33:45It's very much a task
33:46drawn from the world
33:46of the customised inhaler.
33:50Well done to both.
33:53Yeah,
33:53their time was
33:5433 minutes and 33 seconds,
33:56and there's a lot
33:57to work out there,
33:58so that's pretty quick.
33:59Can the team of three
34:00with their extra brain
34:01complete the task
34:01in less than 30 minutes?
34:03Can Morgana make
34:04her team-mates
34:05say the word submarine?
34:06Surely it won't be
34:06the longest task
34:07we've ever filmed.
34:09Let's see how they go.
34:16Hello, guys.
34:17Can you hear me?
34:19What is that sound?
34:20Hello, Morgana.
34:22Desiree.
34:22Is that helpful?
34:23Hello, Desiree.
34:24How are you there?
34:24It's your friend.
34:25Good.
34:25It's my friend who?
34:27Hello, hello, hello, hello.
34:28Hello?
34:30Do you have any clues for me?
34:31I've got a jigsaw.
34:33Yeah, why won't you go?
34:34I've got a bell,
34:36a pen,
34:36and a clementine.
34:38And a jigsaw.
34:39No, you have the jigsaw.
34:41Guys, can you hear me?
34:43Hello, Morgz?
34:44Hey, what do you have
34:45in your room?
34:47Who, me?
34:47No, we already got
34:49your jigsaw puzzle down,
34:50guys.
34:50Morgana, what do you
34:51have in your room?
34:52I have, you know,
34:53like the Beatles.
34:55You have the Beatles
34:56in your room?
34:57Like an album?
34:58Yes.
34:59It's yellow.
35:00It's a yellow submarine?
35:03I think that's it, baby.
35:05What have you got?
35:07He's just got a jigsaw puzzle,
35:09apparently.
35:09I've got three rubber ducks.
35:11Why is that, man?
35:11All like plastic ducks.
35:13Hello, this is Guz Khan
35:15with information over.
35:16So it says on the back
35:17of this piece of paper,
35:18you may only open me
35:20when someone looks
35:21like Charlie Chaplin.
35:23Hello, guys.
35:24This is Guz Khan.
35:25It goes with another revelation.
35:26Would you like
35:27the revelation now over?
35:28Well, I don't know
35:30if I do.
35:30I've just found
35:31a glue-on mustache
35:32and a bowler hat.
35:33But what about this revelation over?
35:35Sure, just give us
35:36the revelation then.
35:38So on the back
35:38of this puzzle,
35:39there are letters
35:40and an equal sign
35:42on some of them.
35:43But once Desiree
35:44looks like Charlie Chaplin,
35:46then we can
35:46crack open his envelope.
35:48Over.
35:48You can crack open
35:50the clue.
35:51This is Guz Khan,
35:52another revelation over.
35:53And now I have
35:54a map of something.
35:56It looks like
35:57a pair of doors.
35:58And there's an X on it.
35:59Does it look like
36:00you can figure out
36:01where the X is located?
36:02Probably not.
36:04I just have an idea.
36:06Can you put the map
36:08out into the corridor?
36:09So you're both
36:10technically still in your rooms,
36:11but you can show
36:12each other your stuff?
36:14Presumably.
36:15Is that the double doors?
36:16OK, so if that's the case,
36:18the X is on this wall.
36:20OK, I'm going to make
36:21my jigsaw.
36:21It's here somewhere.
36:24Hold on,
36:25I found another puzzle.
36:32Guys, there's been
36:33another revelation
36:34in the lab.
36:35So many revelations.
36:36Layers, layers upon layers.
36:38USVG.
36:43It's like a cipher
36:45for kids.
36:46So the letter A
36:47equals E.
36:48B is L.
36:50Guys, have you
36:50assembled your half
36:51of the puzzle?
36:52Over.
36:53Sorry, guys,
36:54I'm just temporarily
36:55distracted.
36:55Could you just repeat that?
36:56Fuck me in the face.
36:58We said O equals
37:00O.
37:03W equals P.
37:04And that is the end
37:05of the jigsaw.
37:07I'm not sure it's the end.
37:08I haven't had V.
37:09V for Veronica is...
37:12Who the fuck is Veronica?
37:15V, victory.
37:17What does victory
37:17equal, guys?
37:19Romeo.
37:19V equals E.
37:22How can it be?
37:24How can two things
37:25be T?
37:27Can you retrieve this whole
37:29puzzle from me, please?
37:30Zulu equals golf.
37:32Sorry to cut you off.
37:33I can send the taskmaster's
37:35assistant to just get
37:36Guz's half of the puzzle
37:37if you're okay with that,
37:38Guz.
37:39Why didn't we do that
37:4045 minutes ago?
37:42Yeah, send us.
37:43Give the old bloody
37:44laugh, just in case.
37:46Hey, mate.
37:47Oh, you are a wonderful
37:48human being.
37:49Thank you so much.
37:51Z is G.
37:53K.
37:55Oh, God.
37:56Greater than the T.
37:58A.
38:00Taskmaster.
38:02B is she.
38:04Oh, God.
38:04Four hours to get to the end.
38:10E.
38:11V equals P.
38:13Evo.
38:14Gnarle.
38:18All right, y'all.
38:19I got this riddle.
38:20Are you ready for it?
38:21Yes.
38:22What is greater
38:23than the taskmaster,
38:25more evil than the devil,
38:27and if you eat it,
38:28you'll die?
38:32What is greater
38:33than the taskmaster?
38:34Nothing.
38:35More evil than the devil.
38:36Nothing.
38:37Alex has nothing.
38:38And if you eat nothing,
38:39you'll die.
38:40The answer to the riddle
38:41is nothing.
38:42Oh, my God.
38:43You've only gone
38:44and fucking done it.
38:45Literally, this entire hour
38:47has amounted to nothing,
38:48you guys.
38:55Well, now, firstly,
38:57congratulations on your bonus points
38:59for Submarine.
39:01Thank you.
39:03Secondly,
39:04I'm no expert
39:05in body language,
39:07but something told me
39:09that Desiree was
39:11maybe a little bit
39:12irritated with Gus
39:13doing that.
39:15As frustrating
39:16as that was to watch,
39:17it was 50 times
39:18more frustrating
39:19because we kind of
39:20quibbled over
39:21how we were even
39:21deciphering, like,
39:22which word to use
39:24for which letter,
39:25like, there was
39:25so much confusion.
39:26Surely Gus helped
39:27by repeatedly
39:28contacting you
39:29in saying
39:30there's been
39:30another revelation.
39:34Gus, don't get me wrong,
39:35I loved your song,
39:36which I believe
39:37was called
39:38This Tusk is Shit.
39:42That's exactly
39:43what it was thought.
39:45It took Gus
39:4641 minutes
39:47to actually find
39:47the riddle,
39:48which was just
39:49on the table
39:49in front of him.
39:50Got there in the end, though.
39:51It was longer
39:51than Beethoven's 9th,
39:53which changed music
39:54and history forever,
39:55of course.
39:56Yeah, of course.
39:56And one hour,
39:5733 minutes.
39:58You don't think
39:59the song
39:59This Tusk is Shit
40:00is going to hold up
40:01against that, no?
40:02It's an hour
40:03longer than
40:03the team of two.
40:04Wow.
40:05Well, I'm going to give
40:07five points
40:08to Alan and Victoria
40:09and Alan can
40:11thank Victoria
40:12heartily
40:13for those five points.
40:14So, how many points
40:15do you want to give
40:16to the team of three?
40:17I want to give them
40:17two points each.
40:18Two points each.
40:19Morgana gets a bonus
40:20two for submarine,
40:21so she gets four,
40:22but Victoria and Alan
40:23get five points each.
40:24There it is.
40:26Quick look at the scores.
40:28Right.
40:29Morgana is ten points
40:31behind the current leader,
40:32which is Alan
40:33with 18 points.
40:36Right.
40:37Please leave your seats
40:38behind and head to the stage
40:40for the final task
40:41of the show.
40:47Hello, everyone.
40:49Hello.
40:49Hello, Greg.
40:50Alex, who's going to read
40:51the task out?
40:52Desiree Birch
40:52is going to read
40:53the task out, please.
40:54Oh, dear.
40:55It's never been
40:55that hard before.
40:56OK.
40:57Get the most forks
40:58in your bucket.
41:00You may only throw a fork
41:01after a full spin
41:02on your chair.
41:04You must stay sat
41:06in your chair
41:06at all times
41:07and you may not
41:08move your chair.
41:09You have 100 seconds.
41:12So we've got to stay
41:12in the chair,
41:13spin,
41:14and then we've got to throw.
41:15We can't move the bucket,
41:16we can't go to the bucket.
41:17No, and at the end,
41:18we'll tot up the forks
41:19in the bucket.
41:19If other people's forks
41:20are in your bucket,
41:21then you get there.
41:21OK.
41:23You've got 100 seconds.
41:24Full spin before you throw.
41:26Always a full spin
41:27before you throw.
41:29Oh, wow!
41:32Alan and Desiree
41:33straight in.
41:34Lovely.
41:35Another successful green.
41:38Another green.
41:40Just one stuck
41:41in the floor count.
41:42Greg,
41:43I think Alan
41:44looks pretty cool.
41:45He does.
41:48Oh!
41:49Oh, Christ!
41:51Rinsh.
41:52Oh, wow, nice.
41:53Beautiful.
41:54Oh, lovely.
41:56Beautiful.
41:57A lot of greens going in.
42:01Mikey's bashing out
42:03every time.
42:05Oh, what's that we're doing?
42:08That was absolutely
42:10delightful, Victoria.
42:11Straight in.
42:14Ah!
42:17Ah!
42:18Ah!
42:20That was a really
42:21really good fan.
42:22Again, again, again!
42:24I mean, that is genuinely
42:26the happiest I've seen
42:27anything so far
42:29on this show.
42:30Right, well,
42:31come down and we'll add
42:32that to the final scores
42:33and see how you did.
42:34Well done, everyone!
42:35whoo!
42:37Who are you?
42:38Hello!
42:39How are you?
42:39How are you?
42:40How are you?
42:40How are you?
42:40That was exciting, wasn't it?
42:41Oh, so many forks in so many buckets.
42:43Had a lovely old time.
42:44It didn't take me long to count up Guz's forks.
42:47Bearing in mind, at the end, he didn't spin for the last five.
42:50Didn't you?
42:51I've got a long drive home.
42:52I don't want to get too dizzy, do you know what I mean?
42:54Fair enough priorities, isn't it?
42:55So Guz got two, then we move up to Desiree.
42:58There were four forks in her bucket.
43:01Two from her, two from Alan.
43:02Yeah, thank you.
43:03Pleasure.
43:04Alan, meanwhile, had six forks in his bucket,
43:07all from his own hand.
43:09Lovely.
43:09So it's between Victoria and Morgana.
43:12How exciting.
43:13Morgana got two forks in Victoria's bucket.
43:18Victoria got five forks in her own bucket,
43:22so a total of seven.
43:23Seven forks.
43:24I looked in Morgana's bucket, and I saw one of Guz's forks,
43:29but ten of her own, so with 11 fork total,
43:32she gets the five points.
43:34Woo!
43:34Well done, Morgana.
43:38What does that do for final scoreboard?
43:40She may have come last in the first three episodes,
43:42she is not in this one.
43:44Victoria comes second,
43:46and Alan comes first with 21 points.
43:52Alan gave this wings, please.
43:54go and luxuriate in your many layers.
43:56Woo!
43:59So what have we learned today?
44:01Well, I read an article recently that said that Samuel L.
44:04Jackson was the coolest man on the planet.
44:06But did Samuel L. Jackson ever learn to ride a bike on national television?
44:10I'm fairly sure he didn't.
44:11So what we've learned today is coolness is subjective,
44:15and everybody can be cool in their own way.
44:18Except anyone who chooses to wear plastic slip-on shoes.
44:23It's time to say goodbye.
44:25But before we go,
44:26let's recognise the achievements of tonight's winner once more.
44:30Oh, my goodness!
44:31It's Alan Davis!
44:32Yes!
44:33Yes!
44:35Yes!
44:36Yes!
44:40Yes!
44:45Yes!
44:47Yes!
44:47Yes!
44:47Yes!
44:52Yes!
44:53Yes!
44:54Yes!
44:54Yes!
44:55Yes!
44:59Yes!
45:01Hi.
45:04Thiscom hashtag!
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