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00:11Transcrição e Legendas Pedro Negri
00:33Oh, hello and welcome to Taskmaster. I'm Greg Davies and I'm so drunk on power that my eyes sometimes spin
00:40round in different directions. I'm so intoxicated by my own authority that I sometimes rip my own shirt open and
00:47howl like the mighty wolf. And I'm so inclined towards a diet of processed food that I'm at the high
00:53end of the British Medical Association's obesity scale. FACT!
00:57But, some people have it so much worse than me. And those people are Alan Davies, Desiree Birch, Gus Kahn,
01:10Morgana Robinson and Victoria Cohen Mitchell.
01:14And next to me, a man who once told me in private that he doesn't really like women because he
01:20thinks they've got a bit too chopsy of late.
01:23LAUGHTER
01:24This is Atlantic Time!
01:31A bit chopsy indeed. OK, well, I apologise that in the private conversation that didn't happen, I call all women
01:40chopsy. I also don't know what chopsy means.
01:43You told me it meant unnecessarily talkative. LAUGHTER
01:47Come on, then, let's have your banter. Yes. Do you notice anything different about me? No.
01:51I am now left-handed. LAUGHTER
01:55See that? Yep. What time is it? Oh! It's on the other one. What's wrong with you? I read on
02:01social media all the time, oh, you know, the dynamic between them, it's just bullying, it's just old-fashioned bullying.
02:06Well, who wouldn't believe you? LAUGHTER
02:10No, you're quite right, I deserve it. OK. Right, prize task, what's the category?
02:14Well, it's the most awesome square. Greg will judge which square is the most awesome and give five points to
02:20its owner at the end of the ep, short for episode.
02:23The win, short for winner, will take five awesome squares, H, short for home.
02:29LAUGHTER
02:32Hey, Desiree. Hey. What's the most awesome square that you decided you'd bring in?
02:37So I decided I would bring in a fortune teller, a paper fortune teller, which is just right here. Oh.
02:44This is a square full of awesomeness. You may remember these from grade school. Yeah, from, yeah.
02:49Yes. And I will give you a fortune if you would like to play. Oh.
02:55So. Pick a colour, purple, orange, green or pink. Um, pink, please.
02:59Pink. All right. P-I-N-K. All right. Now pick a number. So you can pick from PI, 69,
03:0713 or Desiree's number.
03:09PI, please. All right. PI. Your awesome fortune is you will take a ride in a classic convertible on a
03:18warm spring day
03:19and all the lights will change to green just before you reach them. Doesn't that sound awesome?
03:24You could have met the Obamas if you had chosen better.
03:30It's nonsense, isn't it? Because I'd like to make the Obamas and I'd like to go for a lovely ride
03:33in a car, but it's a false promise.
03:35It's an awesome square full of awesome fortunes that you could awesomely have.
03:39But they're not. To make me a promise and then not to be able to deliver on it is the
03:42opposite of awesome.
03:44All right. All right. I'm slightly warmed by the idea I might meet the Obamas one day.
03:49They seem like a great couple. They've really got their shit together.
03:52Um, Magadha, can you beat that?
03:55I brought in Albert Square.
03:57Oh. Here's Albert Square in a snow globe.
03:59I mean, you can't argue with them.
04:01Is Albert Square awesome?
04:03Of course it's awesome. Is it awesome?
04:05It's part of the furniture.
04:07I haven't watched EastEnders for a while, but I remember Albert Square as being a fairly treacherous place to be.
04:14I know that, you know, you're going to piss off a lot of people at home if you don't give
04:18me at least five points.
04:20So be it!
04:22135 residents of Albert Square have died so far. 35 murders, 20 car crashes, two speedboat accidents.
04:29Two! Two speedboat accidents in central London.
04:34I think there's two people in the same accident.
04:36OK. That's pretty awesome.
04:37Victoria, have you bought a better, more awesome square than Albert Square?
04:40Yes, I have. I have brought the triple word score from a Scrabble board.
04:45Here it is.
04:46It is the most awesome square on the Scrabble board.
04:49It's the most awesome square in board gaming.
04:51Some would say, what about the eighth square of a chess board where the pawn becomes a queen?
04:55That represents social mobility. I say no. This is a square.
04:59That trebles the points. It's red. It physically resembles the second most awesome square.
05:04Mr. Strong from the Mr. Men.
05:06He's the most awesome of the Mr. Men. Not the sexiest.
05:08That would be Mr. Messi after he's had the blow dry. He really goes all smooth.
05:11And in a world where you respect the scoring game as the highest form,
05:16which you must do to be doing this nonsense,
05:19you must say that the triple word score would be the most awesome square.
05:22I mean, the fact that I've been seduced into thinking that a square from Scrabble
05:26is more exciting than a speedboat accident.
05:29It's impressive, Victoria. Well done.
05:32Who can beat it? Alan.
05:34I've made a square. Good. We like initiative.
05:38Which I painted and then I cut out rather like... I kidnapped it.
05:42I cut out letters from magazines that say, an awesome square.
05:46But, cunningly, there's an extra surprise because it's actually three litres of rose.
05:53Here it is. It's a wine box.
05:55And that...
05:57Oh!
06:00And that is the killer blow.
06:03I mean, honestly, it's a pretty awesome square.
06:07Technically, a box or a cube, a square is two-dimensional.
06:10Come on!
06:12That's true, doesn't it?
06:13We could have all gone out and gotten rose now, couldn't we not?
06:16I'd also say, technically, it's 17.5cm by 18.5cm, so it's a rectangle.
06:21Oh!
06:23It's very difficult to find wine boxes in a square form.
06:27There is a thing called a wine cube,
06:29which I could have paid import tax on to bring over to the United States.
06:33I mean, the fact you did the research is enough for me.
06:36Brilliant. And heartbreaking.
06:38It does.
06:40This is much less about me, more the individual behind it.
06:43But there's a lovely geezer called Sam Osmond,
06:46and he inboxed me on that social media, and he said,
06:49I like what you do, so can I send you a gift?
06:51It turns out it was a square, and I would like you to have a look, please, at this.
06:56Yes!
06:57Oh, that is dope!
06:59That's dope.
07:00That is proper.
07:02She's right, it's dope.
07:03It's hard, it's hard not to say that's the most awesome square.
07:06OK, ready?
07:07I'm ready.
07:08You're not going to like this.
07:09Who, me?
07:10No, Desiree.
07:11Oh, really?
07:14Got it.
07:15One point.
07:16And I think EastEnders is an institution,
07:18but I don't think that square's positive.
07:20I think it's a square that people should avoid.
07:22I can only give you two points, though, I'm afraid.
07:24It's absolute flannel, but it's beautifully spoken flannel.
07:27Victoria takes three points.
07:29OK.
07:29Thank you.
07:29And, you know, who am I to say that Alan's tragic wine box
07:33is better than Gus Kahn's actual face?
07:36I can't.
07:37So, four points to Alan.
07:39OK, and five points.
07:40Five points.
07:40Gus Kahn takes that close and close.
07:42Well deserved.
07:44Lovely.
07:44Right, well, let's have a look at a task proper, shall we?
07:47OK, I think we should.
07:48And I think it should be the first team task of the series.
07:51And it should be a monumental one.
07:53And here it is.
08:09Jesus.
08:11Hello.
08:14You look nice.
08:15Thank you.
08:18Hi, Alan.
08:19Morning.
08:20You all right?
08:21Yes, thanks.
08:22Please don't touch that just yet.
08:24Oh, shit, I've got a friend!
08:26Hello!
08:27Hey!
08:29My boots are a bit big.
08:31Your boots are too big?
08:33Yeah.
08:33What about the hat?
08:34The hat's a little bit tight, but that's all right.
08:37Well, you can open the task in about one minute.
08:39In about one minute?
08:40Yes, please.
08:41OK.
08:41Ah!
08:42Hello.
08:43Hello.
08:44Nice to see you.
08:45How are you?
08:46All right.
08:47Morgana, this is Gaz.
08:48Guess this is Morgana.
08:49I know who Morgana is, bro.
08:50Thank you very much.
08:51Oh, Gaz says duh!
08:52Because social media and things like this.
08:55OK.
08:55Well, you can start if you like.
08:57You can open the task.
08:59What's happening here?
09:01Ah!
09:01Desiree!
09:02What?
09:03What?
09:04No!
09:06Well, you can open the task now, team.
09:08Oh.
09:08OK.
09:09All right.
09:10Scale the mountain.
09:15Your attempt must last exactly five minutes and will be sped up by five times afterwards.
09:25Most thrilling ascent wins.
09:29Você deve começar sua ascent na próxima 10 minutos.
09:33Posso ser honesto? Eu não tenho ideia.
09:35Então, o que você quer me fazer, eu vou fazer.
09:36Bem, a flag vai ser plantado, pelo menos.
09:40Você tem esse tipo de coisa?
09:41Eu tenho um pique.
09:43Ok.
09:45Tem kit, tem gloves.
09:47Eu acho que vamos fazer uma história.
09:48Podemos colocar uma roupa com esses,
09:50como se fosse algo muito exclusivo que estamos tentando encontrar.
09:53Você tem um flag para a VIP?
09:57Vamos fazer uma roupa com vocês.
09:59Quando um de nós tios, pode ser eu.
10:00Eu tenho dificil de colocar a roupa com a exclusividade.
10:05Olha como muito o roupa é!
10:07Como você deve parar uma roupa com a roupa com o龍?
10:10Você queria ter uma roupa com aquelas,
10:12no prioritário.
10:13Você tem o que precisamos, talvez.
10:15Para a roupa com aquelas...
10:19Eu tenho a compaix.
10:21Eu tenho uma roupa com aquelas.
10:22Eu tenho uma roupa com aquelas.
10:23Would we need snacks of some kind for them? They'll be up there.
10:32I hate to group you as two different age groups.
10:36Careful.
10:37Yeah, I'm sorry, Victoria.
10:38Just the tonal difference between the two is this giddy sixth form party
10:42that's going on with the three.
10:45With Morgana, volunteering to die.
10:48I can die, I don't mind.
10:52And then there's this sort of weary Alan Bennett-esque couple
10:58talking about what snacks they have.
11:01You're going to have a cocktail, you're going to have snacks, are you mad?
11:03Yeah, the well-known cocktail lounge.
11:05It's just above base camp.
11:07No, it was a metaphor.
11:09We were social climbing.
11:11Social climbing. That's it, I remember now.
11:13Yes, it was quite sophisticated.
11:15Yeah, this is more of your very, very eloquent bullshit.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:22We're looking for the most thrilling ascent,
11:24and first to the foot of the mountain are Victoria and Albert.
11:28Good.
11:33OK, climbers, you may begin your ascent.
11:36OK. I'm at the bottom.
11:38I'm just going to do this free climbing.
11:40You go.
11:41Yeah.
11:42I'll bring the gear.
11:43You bring the gear.
11:47I've got the rope round my leg.
11:51I don't know what that does.
11:53Oh, my flag's broken, my flag's broken.
11:56Yes.
11:57Hurry up.
11:58What's the problem down there?
12:00Look, I've left some of the kit.
12:02I'm going to go back down.
12:03I've left some of the kit.
12:04Yeah, I've got it.
12:06You're making this look difficult.
12:07What?
12:09Ah!
12:10Ah!
12:10Ah!
12:11You go on!
12:12You go on!
12:13Save yourself!
12:15Ow!
12:16I'm slowing my...
12:17I feel like somebody's married beneath me.
12:20Why do I...
12:22Do you need to do your hair or anything before you go in?
12:24I've got my manicure kit here.
12:31We don't go without me.
12:35Oh, we're in.
12:37Cheers.
12:39We got there.
12:42That was good.
12:44That was very good.
12:46Yeah, that was a narrative of sorts.
12:48My feeling is that Alan did the lamest impression of anyone
12:53using ice picks to start with,
12:54and then he got onto the mountain and the impression was quite convincing.
12:58Now, while all that was going on,
13:00I think that Victoria shimmied up the side of the mountain,
13:03did her nails another drink.
13:06Victoria didn't bring any kit except for the nail file.
13:09Alan carried it.
13:09Well, Alan was carrying the kit gallantly.
13:11Yeah.
13:11She skitted up the mountain.
13:12What can I say? I enjoyed it.
13:14Now, for the team of three, it's Morgana Robinson,
13:16Desiree Burch and Guz Khan.
13:24Desiree, we're waiting for you, baby girl.
13:26All right.
13:26Baby, what are we doing?
13:28We're hammering.
13:29We're hammering in our first spikes.
13:31We're hammering.
13:32I haven't got them.
13:33Oh, you can borrow mine.
13:35That's 30 seconds gone.
13:3630 seconds.
13:39No.
13:40Team, I'm on the side of the mountain.
13:42Be careful.
13:44Everyone's doing great.
13:45Here.
13:46You've got to take the flag.
13:50Whoa, what happened?
13:52Oh, I'm bleeding.
13:53Oh, no.
13:53Oh, I'm bleeding.
13:54Oh, God.
13:55She's bleeding.
13:56I'm bleeding.
13:57Help.
13:58Hold on.
13:59Help.
14:00We're coming for you now.
14:01I'm going to die anyway.
14:03You might as well eat me to get to the top.
14:04Do you have any aspirin?
14:06I do have aspirin.
14:08I'm going to cut it off.
14:09I'm cutting it off.
14:09I'm cutting it off.
14:11Enjoy.
14:12Tell my mother I love her.
14:14I'll never forget you.
14:16She's gone.
14:17Yeah, I know.
14:18I mean, she's gone.
14:19I might have the energy now.
14:22I think we can murder her.
14:23Desiree!
14:24Desiree!
14:26Desiree!
14:26No!
14:27No!
14:27No!
14:32No!
14:39No!
14:40No!
14:41No!
14:41No!
14:47No!
14:48No!
14:48Well.
14:49As far as I can work out, Morgana selflessly gave her life by chopping off sections of her own buttocks.
14:57She's well known for the aspirin.
14:59Yeah.
15:00Light and fluffy.
15:01Yeah.
15:01With a nice cross.
15:03You perish, presumably from your wound.
15:06The surviving members pushed to the summit.
15:10Tragically, Gus was killed in an awful fall, leaving Desiree being the only climate to reach the summit where she
15:17celebrated.
15:18And, um, the last thing we saw was Gus with a croissant on his face.
15:23That was the aspirin you saw.
15:24It was a really great bit of acting, Gus.
15:29The only thing out is, Desiree's character seemed to get over the tragedy that befell her two climbers.
15:34Yeah, there was really a back story that I was, you know, the leader.
15:39I do a school of climbing and so I've got to keep the deposits because they were dead.
15:46Listen, I'm going to give the arse-bred tragedy, I'm going to give them all five points.
15:52Ooh.
15:53That's a lot.
15:54That's a lot.
15:55I'm going to give Alan and Victoria three points.
15:57Three points each, but the winners are the team of three!
15:59Very good!
16:02Drop on!
16:04Righty-ho, two people have got six, two people have got seven,
16:06but Gus Khan's in the lead with ten points!
16:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:12Lovely.
16:13What's next, please, little Alex Horne?
16:15Oh, it's my absolute favourite food receptacle, doggy bags!
16:21LAUGHTER
16:35Ooh!
16:36Morgana!
16:37Hi!
16:38Oh!
16:40Lot of emotions there.
16:41Mmm.
16:43This looks disgusting.
16:45Pretty colours.
16:47That looks like poop.
16:50Is that five bags of poop?
16:53The spoon is particularly sinister.
16:56Work out the contents of the...
16:58Oi, oi.
16:58Work out the contents of the...
16:59of these bags.
17:01You may not open the bags.
17:03You can either...
17:04Ask Alex to make one tiny whole-inch bag
17:08and have five minutes examination time.
17:11During which you must eat at least one big spoonful
17:14from each bag.
17:18Or...
17:19Ask Alex to put all the contents in a blender for one minute.
17:23And then have ten minutes examination time
17:25during which eating is optional.
17:27with a lot of mercy.
17:30LAUGHTER
17:31OK, I've got questions.
17:32Question one.
17:32Is it all edible?
17:34Yes.
17:35Two.
17:35Is any of it meat?
17:37No.
17:38Three.
17:38Is any of it grapefruit?
17:40How many things are you going to ask?
17:42A little whole or blender?
17:43I need a choice in two seconds.
17:45Oh!
17:45No, whole.
17:47Go on, then.
17:49Make the little whole.
17:51What would you like me to do, Alan?
17:52I think I'm going to taste them, Alex.
17:56We've got to have a spoon.
17:58Because if you're going to wham it in a blender,
18:00how am I supposed to differentiate, brother?
18:02Blend it, B.
18:03We're going to go for B.
18:04We're going for B?
18:05Yeah.
18:06Why would you even go for A?
18:08Why would you go for A?
18:09I'll be hungry.
18:12BUZZER
18:14Victoria, you often have the demeanour of somebody who's come into a disaster situation and said,
18:18right, everybody listen to me, this is what we're going to do.
18:21And I like that.
18:22And I've only got one question, which is, what happens if you eat grapefruit?
18:25Uh, suffer liver damage.
18:28Keep it light.
18:29Sorry.
18:30I'll put it out of the way.
18:32I'm allergic to grapefruit.
18:33Wow.
18:34All right.
18:35Um, let's see some stuff.
18:37OK, so the first two mucky pups to digest the doggy bag dishes are Guzzle Khan and Alan-mentary Canal.
18:44Here we go.
18:56OK, Alan, your five minutes starts now.
18:59Good luck, guys.
19:00Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
19:01Look at the side of this bread.
19:03It's quite hard to get out of the hole.
19:06Yes.
19:07That's part of the task, is it?
19:08Yes.
19:10Absolute shit bag.
19:12I wonder where the chip bag came to mind.
19:15Oh, this is really yucky.
19:18Am I allowed to enlarge the hole?
19:20It doesn't say you're not.
19:23I can tell you already by the texture, this is a Ferrero Rocher.
19:30Maybe it's like Nutella with some cornflakes.
19:35This is a chocolate affair.
19:37Bit of a nutty feel, I'd say hazelnut.
19:40Now it's gone.
19:40A minute and a half, Alan.
19:42You're behind schedule.
19:44Oh, man.
19:45Oh.
19:47Is that a full spoon, Kaz?
19:48It don't get full to me.
19:52That doesn't look very nice.
19:55I haven't got a clue what that is.
19:56Oh, what's that?
19:58There's bits coming outside.
20:00Toffee.
20:01Toffee and some sort of fruit.
20:03Soft fruit, like a peach.
20:09Oh, that's actually definitely from someone's puppy.
20:15I've seen that cleaned up on the floor of the vents.
20:19What's that?
20:23Maybe some kind of vegetable.
20:25Kaz, you've only got two minutes left for the last three bags.
20:31Oh.
20:32Oh.
20:35Oh.
20:35Urgh.
20:36It tastes like a meeting.
20:38I'm hoping it's not.
20:39Because I haven't eaten meat since 1986.
20:42Ah.
20:44Phew.
20:46I don't know what's in that.
20:47It's like a tofu, maybe.
20:49Lentils.
20:51I've never had this flavour in my life.
20:52You've only got one minute fifteen.
20:53OK, I'm sick, brother.
20:54I know.
20:55I can see the time you're making me eat.
20:57A lot of dog food or something.
20:59I don't know what that is.
21:00I don't know.
21:00I don't know what that is.
21:03That's a bad.
21:05That's a bad night.
21:06I think this has got banana in.
21:09Banana and soy sauce.
21:11Delicious.
21:12Mixed with this.
21:13Don't you think you gave me?
21:15It's ok.
21:16It's shit.
21:17Right? It's shit now.
21:17Shit, yeah.
21:18Right, twenty seconds left, guys.
21:20Oh, God!
21:21It's very considerate.
21:22It's a sort of dessert to finish.
21:29I'm very pleased with this, Al.
21:30Won't you?
21:34Ten seconds.
21:37Hold that.
21:39Talon cream.
21:41Laced with...
21:42mango.
21:44That's your time up, Alan.
21:45Thank you very much.
21:46Bye-bye.
21:47What do you think it is, guys?
21:49Oh, God, no, yeah.
21:52Oh, God, no, yeah.
21:53Oh, God, no, yeah.
21:54Come on, can I go?
21:57Yeah!
22:06And essentially, guys, your attempt looked like feeding time at a retirement home with very angry people.
22:14LAUGHTER
22:17Listen, yeah, I thought this show had a little bit more class, yeah?
22:21Everything tasted like it had gone off.
22:23Didn't taste delicious.
22:24Alan, I know we said you have a spoonful of all of the bags, but the thing that struck me
22:29most about your attempt is that you were taking giant spoonfuls.
22:34LAUGHTER
22:34The first one, it's really quite hard to eat.
22:38There's really a lot of it.
22:39It did say a large spoonful, but it didn't say a heaped large spoonful.
22:44The big difference between the two men as well.
22:46Gus was retching and screaming.
22:48Alan looked like he was at a wine taste.
22:50LAUGHTER
22:52Well, he got three out of the ten ingredients correct.
22:54Well done.
22:55Oh, all right.
22:56I mean, the first one wasn't too bad.
22:57It was Nutella and Nachos, the first one.
22:58They both got Nutella.
22:59The second one, cabbage and caramel.
23:01Then we had gravy and granola.
23:03That was in the green bag.
23:04Banana and Bovril.
23:05Marmite for vegans and vegetarians.
23:09Mustard and mayonnaise, the last one.
23:10We can't give you salad cream, but we can give you mayonnaise.
23:12So, three for Alan, two and a half for Gus.
23:16I've given him a half point because he said vegetable and it was cabbage.
23:19That seems more than generous.
23:22Can you see another pair?
23:23Yes, please.
23:24I've also given them funny names.
23:25It's now time for Desiree Burps and Victoria Corrin-Mitchellin star.
23:29LAUGHTER
23:33Gross.
23:34I'm going to vom.
23:43Nutella and corn?
23:46What?
23:47There's some kind of cereal in here.
23:48I think this is a mix of Nutella and tortilla chips.
23:55Oh, gross!
23:57Oh, nasty!
24:01It's a lot of vegetable in it.
24:03I don't have to eat it in one bite.
24:07Oh, I should have done, though!
24:10Please!
24:11I hate everybody!
24:12Oh!
24:17I want to say it's caramel sauce and onion skin.
24:20OK.
24:21I think I am going to legit vomit.
24:23Ugh!
24:25What the hell is that?
24:27This is like what's at the bottom of a bin when you take the rubbish out.
24:30Ah, OK.
24:31This is like peanut butter and muesli.
24:34I was wrong!
24:36I think this is muesli and anchovy oil.
24:43Did you finish the spoon?
24:45Yep.
24:46Oh!
24:48Why is that like that?
24:50Whatever that is, it's not food.
24:54I've seen that face before.
24:58Let's say banana and a sort of liquidised marmite.
25:03OK.
25:04Ugh!
25:04Last one.
25:06Gross!
25:06Oh, gross!
25:08Oh!
25:09Ten seconds left.
25:10Might it be off?
25:12This is probably Dijon mustard and mayo.
25:14What is that?
25:16Yep, that's what the fuck that is.
25:18I'm going to say mayonnaise and mustard.
25:20And have some of this Nutella to take the taste away.
25:23Well done, Victoria.
25:24You've got 15 seconds.
25:25OK.
25:26We've got Nutella and cornflakes.
25:27Onion and godforsaken bird vomit.
25:30This is, you know, garbage fire of all of those things.
25:34And then this shit is actually like oatmeal...
25:38I don't know.
25:39Death.
25:40Oatmeal and death.
25:42Yeah.
25:46I'm not...
25:47I don't want to divide...
25:50Divide the two on national grounds.
25:52But there was something...
25:54Something very British.
25:56And accepting of the horror.
25:58Yes, but it's the anticipation.
26:01Most of it tasted all right.
26:02I mean, it's...
26:04Did it taste all right, Desiree?
26:05It was a horror show.
26:07I think it just tells you a lot about what we ate as children.
26:11That really just felt like a meal from the past.
26:15When I was a child, my grandma used to make the sundae roast the day before.
26:20All of it.
26:20I mean, God rest her...
26:21But, like, it was a bit off.
26:23And you'd be a bit ill, but grateful to have eaten.
26:26So.
26:27They both did pretty well.
26:29Desiree got four right in the end.
26:30Not bad.
26:31Not bad.
26:32Victoria?
26:33Not bad at all.
26:34Ooh.
26:35Eight out of ten.
26:36Wow.
26:36What a wonderful celebration of your nan's terrible cooking.
26:39LAUGHTER
26:42APPLAUSE
26:43Morgana opted for option B.
26:45B for blending.
26:47Here's how she got on.
26:54MUSIC PLAYS
27:03OK, that's a minute up.
27:09OK, Morgana, you've got ten minutes.
27:12Go through the bins.
27:16Marmite is one.
27:22Salad cream.
27:25Curry sauce.
27:31Toffee, coconut.
27:34I think this is a chocolatey one.
27:40Nacho-y things.
27:41Maybe nachos.
27:42With?
27:43With?
27:43What's the brown stuff?
27:45Chocolate.
27:45OK.
27:46You haven't touched the mixture I made for you.
27:49No.
27:50I'm tempted?
27:53Can you just check for me?
27:54Can you taste for me?
27:56What do you get?
27:59When you eat this and tell you what I get?
28:01Yeah.
28:04Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
28:13Is it going to go down?
28:14Up to the top?
28:15HA-ha-ha-ha!
28:29non-roar
28:35card
28:41We're not wrong.
28:44Ha-ha-ha!
28:44Eu vou te dizer agora, se Alex realmente foi morto, eu teria sido 10 pontos de graça.
28:49Eu estava no lado de meu seat.
28:51É o próximo que eu come.
28:52Deu que ele morriu na televisão.
28:53Você sabe quando alguém se tornou muito preocupada?
28:56Você pode ver se você não se tornou a garota de graça.
28:59E o seu técnico foi usar o B, mas depois de fazer o A, realmente.
29:05Porque eu não tinha que comer um alimento de um alimento, eu poderia ter...
29:09Eu estava notando que durante a noite, você se olhou como um jardim de garota.
29:14Ela conseguiu.
29:15Ela conseguiu.
29:16Ela conseguiu.
29:17Ela conseguiu.
29:17Ela conseguiu.
29:18Então, só três.
29:19Que significa que Guz ganha um ponto.
29:21Ele ganha um ponto.
29:22Oh, meu Deus.
29:22Neste, Morgana e Alan ganha três pontos.
29:25Desiree ganha quatro pontos.
29:26Victoria, que ganha quase todos eles, ganha cinco pontos.
29:29Oh!
29:32Vamos lá para o próximo Gus.
29:34Sim, por favor.
29:34E eu acho que nós tínhamos muito de estar bem.
29:49O que é isso?
29:50Tudo bem?
29:51Tudo bem?
29:52Tudo bem, obrigado.
29:55Você sabe o que isso é?
29:56Eu sei, isso é um dos...
29:58Eu não lembro o que vocês chamam, mas vocês são boingy-boingy-boingy.
30:01Um...
30:02Um...
30:03Um...
30:03Um...
30:03Um...
30:04Um...
30:04Um...
30:05Um...
30:05Um...
30:05Um...
30:06Um...
30:06Um...
30:08Um...
30:09Um...
30:09Um...
30:09Um...
30:09Um...
30:10Um...
30:10Um...
30:11Um...
30:11Um...
30:12Um...
30:12Um...
30:12Um...
30:13Um...
30:13Um...
30:13Um...
30:14Um...
30:14Um...
30:14Um...
30:15Um...
30:15Um...
30:16Um...
30:16Um...
30:16Um...
30:17Mas que você se sente errado, não tem.
30:19A entire space hopper
30:20deve ser green.
30:21A entire space hopper
30:23deve ser em um dom.
30:25Não dizem que eu não se sente em um dom,
30:27dizem?
30:27Não.
30:28Quando você está satisfeita
30:29que você está
30:29a primeira vez que você tem.
30:31Oi!
30:40Quando você está se candidando
30:40para quantificar esse assunto
30:42para um minuto,
30:42é?
30:43Uh-huh.
30:44Você está dizendo que é uma das messas.
30:46So am I right in assuming that even if there's one drop of a green,
30:50then we're off the scene?
30:55I'm all for just getting stuck into this.
30:57I want to see Desiree painting her boinkie boinkie thing.
31:00Let's see how they did.
31:02OK, well, sometimes they're a team
31:03and sometimes they're just grouped into the same age bracket.
31:06It's Alan and Victoria first.
31:07We're not in the... Why would you...?
31:09I mean, I love you, but he is a bit...
31:11She's a lot younger than me.
31:17I need paintbrushes.
31:19I'm assuming somewhere there's a paintbrush.
31:21I mean, I could do it with my hands,
31:23but that really is the definition of mess, isn't it?
31:27A bit small. Fastest wins.
31:29Fastest wins, Alan.
31:33I try not to make any mess.
31:36I mean, this is a brush, but that's going to take too long, isn't it?
31:40Yeah.
31:49It's not going green. It's really orange. Look at it. So orange.
31:54It's interesting that I've gone for painting over his face first.
31:57They say that about murderers,
31:59before they chop up the corpse,
32:00they cover the face cos they don't want to be looked at.
32:03LAUGHTER
32:10Now, that's green.
32:12What?
32:13Yeah.
32:15Ah!
32:16This is a disaster.
32:19Oh! Mess!
32:20Oh, no.
32:22I suppose you've got to do the little prongs as well, right?
32:25The whole thing, please. The whole thing.
32:28The key equation, because it would be really easy to just break
32:31and just kind of smear it all over with your hands, but no.
32:37Do you stop when it's all green,
32:40or do you stop when you've had enough?
32:43You've got to sort of embrace moving your paintbrush back and forth
32:48across the taut plastic corpse of the space hopper.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:53Oh, no, look at this.
32:54Don't you dare roll away.
33:03I've stopped the clock.
33:06I mean, this is cleaner than it was when I came in.
33:11APPLAUSE
33:17I'm not sure that Alan fully understands the spirit of this condition.
33:20And I wrote down the quote.
33:22We'll pop it in the book.
33:23Um, do you stop when it's finished, or when you've had enough?
33:26LAUGHTER
33:27Um, there didn't seem to be a great deal of urgency.
33:30Well, they started by getting two little paintbrushes each.
33:32Yeah.
33:33I got it really green.
33:34Yes.
33:34It was very green.
33:36Very green.
33:36Victoria's was, er, stripy.
33:39Alan's was a little bit more messy by the end,
33:41but he completed it in half the time.
33:4210 minutes 51, Victoria was 21 minutes 20.
33:45Most of that was cleaning.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:49Good.
33:49Do you want to see someone else?
33:50Oh, do I?
33:51Yes, do you?
33:52Yes!
33:52Oh, cool.
33:53OK, well, now we're going to see how Desiree and Morgana got on.
33:56Here we go.
33:58Without making a mess, look, I've already put mud in.
34:01Yes.
34:02Well, that's really upset me.
34:07OK.
34:07Um, how do I not...
34:09OK, and it rolls.
34:11OK.
34:14All right.
34:18This isn't so bad.
34:21Nope.
34:30OK.
34:31Oh, jeez.
34:33Oh.
34:34Oh.
34:36Oh, it's better.
34:37Fucking hell.
34:38Oh, it's better.
34:40Excuse me.
34:41There's probably someone who could have done it in, like,
34:44two minutes, but how do you do that cleanly
34:45unless you have a novel idea, and I left my novel ideas at home?
34:49It's such fun.
34:52How is it on the bottom?
34:54How much orange are you seeing there, Al?
34:56Oh, loads.
34:57I mean, that's pretty green, if I'm honest.
35:03Oh.
35:04Oh.
35:05Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
35:07La-la-la-la.
35:11Yes!
35:12Oh, like a dream.
35:14Please stay upright.
35:21No, no, no, no, no, no.
35:28Boink.
35:29I said good day, sir.
35:34I stopped the court.
35:39Very effective, um, space opera painting all round.
35:43You look like a professional plasterer to be honest.
35:45It was the best way to cover the most surface area.
35:48Had I been genius enough to, one, break the ball down,
35:51and two, think, oh, you can actually clean up after yourself,
35:55this would have been a different endeavour.
35:56You did do a lovely job, and it was very effective.
35:58I feel there was something slightly more sinister going on over here
36:02when you popped my childhood.
36:04It's cos I never got one.
36:06Oh, well?
36:06Oh.
36:07I'll get hold of a couple, and we'll go through Hyde Park.
36:09Come on!
36:10It's the only time I'll say this in this series.
36:13If anyone can, Guz can.
36:18Hold on a second, Alex, baby. Look at this.
36:22OK.
36:24You're not making a mess.
36:25I mean, I'd like to make this sound more scientific than it's about to be,
36:28but we're just going to make this shit green.
36:31Was there any time that this involved?
36:33It's fastest winds, Guz.
36:34Oh, is that the one, then?
36:36You better go on.
36:38Ooh.
36:43Woo-hoo!
36:44Drips, innit?
36:46You've got to be careful of the drips, brother.
36:48It feels so good.
36:51You've got some perverts making these taps, brother.
36:59Is it weird that you want to slap it a little?
37:01I don't think that's weird.
37:02Are you going to slap it?
37:03You want me to slap it?
37:04I wouldn't mind you slapping it.
37:07What?
37:09I made a lot of mess.
37:11I made a lot of mess.
37:12Yeah.
37:14Oh!
37:14Oh, no.
37:15Oh, no!
37:18Get in there, you.
37:19Safety first, brother.
37:36You were standing there.
37:38You could have told me.
37:39You could have warned me.
37:41I'm sorry.
37:44Well, at this point, we might as well just get messy.
37:46Enjoy ourselves and shit.
37:50Happy Alex!
38:09Stop the clock.
38:11Brother, if you told me that this thing was slipping, we could have won this task.
38:15Okay, well, next time.
38:17See you later.
38:19See you later.
38:21See you later.
38:45I'll slap it again, Guz.
38:47He didn't put that bit on the camera.
38:48I was slapping it four or five times.
38:50And he's like, I'll spit on your hand and I was like, all right then.
38:52And I was slapping and slapping it.
38:54And then it came really loose because of that slapping business.
38:57I liked it when you slapped it.
38:58We all liked it when you slapped it.
38:59We loved it.
39:00Yeah.
39:00There's no-one here who didn't enjoy that slap.
39:02Yeah, I know.
39:03All right.
39:04Well, Guz, all I can say is I'm sorry that Alex let you down in so many ways.
39:08Thank you for acknowledging that.
39:09Thank you.
39:09Anyway, we'll have to deal with facts, unfortunately.
39:11Facts, yes.
39:12But I don't know how you want to do it.
39:13If you want to do it just on speed.
39:14Oh, God.
39:15Or you want to do it on the most green.
39:17You tell me what the scores are according to time.
39:20Well, Guz wins, weirdly.
39:22Okay.
39:22Then Desiree, then Alan, then Morgana, then Victoria.
39:25But we've got to punish mess, Alex.
39:28Of course we do.
39:28And we have to reward greenness.
39:31We're going to have to score each one by all of those three criteria.
39:35Then we're going to have to divide their final points by three.
39:39Oh.
39:39Well, that sounds like a laugh.
39:40Let's do that.
39:41So we've done speed.
39:42Let's do greenness.
39:43Well, Morgana's was the greenest.
39:45Right.
39:45Then we have, weirdly, Guz.
39:47Yep.
39:49Then Alan, then Desiree, then Victoria.
39:52And mess.
39:52The cleanest was Victoria, then Morgana, Alan, then Desiree,
39:58then the mucky puppy Guz.
40:00Five.
40:03One.
40:04You talk amongst yourselves.
40:06I got seven for one.
40:08Desiree got eight for two.
40:09Alan got nine for three.
40:11Guz got ten for four.
40:12Morgana got eleven for five.
40:14Yeah, that's it.
40:14Victoria has scored it for us.
40:16She's completely right.
40:16So, Victoria, one point.
40:18Two points to Desiree.
40:19Three points to Alan.
40:20Four, incredibly, to Guz despite the explosion.
40:22Wow.
40:23Five points to Morgana Robinson.
40:24Ah.
40:25Oh, I'll take that.
40:28Guz, you can't believe you've got four points for that fiesta.
40:31Oh, you know.
40:32So, can we ogle at the scores?
40:34We can ogle at the scores.
40:35It's still close.
40:36There's two people in last place, Desiree and Victoria,
40:38but Guz and Morgana are both in the lead with 15 points.
40:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:44Right, please can you make your way to the stage for...
40:48..the final task of the show!
40:55Well, don't you all look delightful?
40:58Alex, who will be reading this task out, please?
41:01Guz Khan is going to read it out.
41:03Put on the medallion.
41:05You must not take off your jacket or break the box.
41:09Fastest wins.
41:10So, you'll start on my whistle.
41:12There is a fish tank on each of your table sets
41:15to put things in that you might find that doesn't help.
41:17So, fastest wins, other people do get points too.
41:19Good luck.
41:19Your time starts.
41:20WHISTLE BLOWS
41:21And they're off.
41:24Oh, God.
41:28Oh, what have you found, Alan?
41:33Alan found a key.
41:34Oh, an Alan key.
41:36It's not the right key for this.
41:38He says it's not the right key, though.
41:40What is this?
41:43What have you found, Guz?
41:44Is a key in here?
41:45That's all right.
41:46Oh, it's not the right key.
41:48Victoria is looking inside a satsumi for a key.
41:50Well, just because I'm just peckish.
41:54What's the problem, Alan?
41:55Well, there seems to be something in the lining
41:57and I can't work out again.
41:58Right.
41:59Oh, whatever.
42:00Someone has got into a box.
42:02Oh, lovely.
42:02And that someone is Guz Khan.
42:04What have you found, Guz?
42:05Oh.
42:06It's another box.
42:09Oh!
42:10Whoa!
42:11Guz Khan's got a medallion on!
42:13Oh, we have somebody else who's into a box over there.
42:15That's good news.
42:17Oh!
42:18I don't think we've got one!
42:20We have another medallion.
42:21Desiree Burch.
42:22Yes!
42:22She looks like a tall beast.
42:24Yes, Dean!
42:25Jesus!
42:26Alan is into the second box.
42:28I don't think I got a key.
42:29Yes, you did.
42:30I didn't get a key.
42:32You did get a key.
42:33I didn't.
42:33Well, where is it then?
42:34I know.
42:35I'm missing another key, I think.
42:37Is a key in the same place for everyone?
42:39Yes.
42:39It was the same for everyone.
42:40Is there a third key, then, Alan?
42:42Yes, there's a third key.
42:44Is it in the satsuma?
42:45No, I think the satsuma.
42:47It's not in there.
42:48God's finished half an hour ago.
42:50I mean, what?
42:52There are three keys, right?
42:54Yes, but you only need two.
42:56Well, it looks like Morgana's now found...
42:58I don't know, I'll keep a key.
42:59It's not fitting!
43:02Oh, this isn't anywhere else.
43:06We've got progress here from Alan Davies.
43:08Oh, yeah!
43:09What?!
43:10Thank God.
43:11You've got it, fam.
43:12Morgana is now into the red box.
43:15We might be near the end, Greg.
43:20We've got four medallions on, Greg.
43:23Four medallions.
43:25We'll add those up, and we'll add it to your final scores.
43:28Join me down here!
43:29Go!
43:33Welcome back.
43:35I'm home.
43:37Exciting stuff.
43:38Yes, they were patting themselves down, looking for the keys,
43:40and then putting the medallions on.
43:41Yes, I know.
43:43But Victoria never did put her medallion on, so she gets one point for coming last.
43:48Thank you.
43:49Morgana took seven and a half minutes to put her medallion on.
43:52She gets two points.
43:53Then it goes up to Alan in third place, Desiree four points,
43:56but Guz just took one minute 35, and he gets five points!
44:00APPLAUSE
44:01No-one's put a medallion on faster.
44:04Yes, and that means he's won the episode with 20 points.
44:07It's Guz Khan!
44:08Yeah!
44:08Khan wins!
44:11You have gained full access!
44:13Full access to your awesome squares!
44:15Yes!
44:17Are we going to go there now?
44:18OK.
44:21So what have we learnt today?
44:23We've learnt the Taskmaster teaches you a variety of things.
44:26Courage, perseverance, determination,
44:29but none of us expected it to teach you survival skills.
44:32So remember, next time you're stuck up a mountain with no food,
44:35get your friend to chop their bottom off and feed it to you.
44:39That's it for this episode.
44:40Apart from showing a little more respect for our winner, Guz Khan!
44:44Thank you!
45:15Thank you!
45:17Thank you!
45:17Thank you!
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