- 16 hours ago
Mr. and Mr. Perfect
A dating dispute ensues when Jen needs a date for her cousin's wedding to avoid being seated at the lame children's table. Nikki and Jonesy find a perfect candidate named Dax who is an old friend of Nikki's, but Caitlin feels that the guy that she found, Dougray, is even more perfect. Meanwhile, Ron puts Wyatt in mall jail on a trumped-up charge of littering and blackmails him into teaching Ron how to play the guitar to play a song for his crush (Yummy Mummy). Jude also throws a beach vacation in the mall.
A dating dispute ensues when Jen needs a date for her cousin's wedding to avoid being seated at the lame children's table. Nikki and Jonesy find a perfect candidate named Dax who is an old friend of Nikki's, but Caitlin feels that the guy that she found, Dougray, is even more perfect. Meanwhile, Ron puts Wyatt in mall jail on a trumped-up charge of littering and blackmails him into teaching Ron how to play the guitar to play a song for his crush (Yummy Mummy). Jude also throws a beach vacation in the mall.
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TVTranscript
00:08So what are you going to wear to your cousin's wedding this weekend?
00:11Who cares? I hate weddings.
00:13Weddings are so romantic.
00:15Happy, shiny couples in modern, classic formal wear.
00:18What's not to love?
00:20How about getting stuck between Robbie and Diego at the kids' table?
00:24Oh, no.
00:25Oh, yeah.
00:26I can drive a car, but I can't sit at the grown-up table.
00:28You can't really drive, though, unless it involves crashing.
00:32Not the point. I'm 16. It's ridiculous.
00:35Don't worry. Jonesy and I will keep you company.
00:37Nope. I have a girlfriend, so I get to sit at the grown-up table.
00:41Look at me. I'm a grown-up.
00:42Finally, I can listen to boring music and go to bed early.
00:45Oh, sure. Jonesy's all grown-up.
00:48But once again, Jen gets stuck with the nose-pickers and the food-throwers.
00:52Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?
00:54Because Jen can't take another wedding at the kids' table. That's why.
00:58You wouldn't have to sit there if you had a date, though, right?
01:00Like that'll ever happen.
01:02That's what friends are for. Right, Nikki?
01:04Hey, I like Jen, but not in that way.
01:07No. I mean, we can find a date for Jen.
01:09Your very own Mr. Perfect.
01:12Assuming I haven't already run away to join the Foreign Legion.
01:15What's the Foreign Legion?
01:17Not sure.
01:18But I think it has something to do with leaving the country,
01:21which is good enough for me.
01:33Hey, Wyatt, Wyatt's old lady.
01:37Hey, what's with the bucket?
01:38I'm on vacay, dudes.
01:41Vacay?
01:41I haven't had a holiday in forever.
01:44So, I'm taking some macho-needed R&R.
01:48Ah, this is the life.
01:53Well, as long as you're happy.
01:55I'll be happy once I get some tannage happening, dude.
01:58Uh, Jude, you can't get a tan from fluorescent lights.
02:02Ha-ha. Watch me.
02:04I don't get why teenagers ever have to sit at the kids' table.
02:07Who cares? As long as it's Jen and not us.
02:10Is this me or what?
02:12We have to find Jen a date for that wedding so she can sit with us.
02:15Jen, Jen, Jen, what about me?
02:17I need a shirt for the wedding.
02:19What's your discount here, anyway?
02:21We're a couple. Wyatt's with Marlo.
02:23Caitlin's always got someone on the go.
02:25But Jen, always single.
02:27It's not fair.
02:27You're right.
02:28She's not that disgusting.
02:30There must be some dumb boob we can con into dating her.
02:33Hey!
02:36Dax? Is that you?
02:37Nikki, I can't believe it.
02:40Jonesy, this is Dax.
02:41Dax, my boyfriend, Jonesy.
02:43Hey, good to meet you, man.
02:44Hey, are you single?
02:46But Nikki just said you were her boyfriend.
02:49I am.
02:50We were just talking about a friend of ours who needs a date.
02:53Still do a lot of running?
02:55Yeah, I'm competing in a track and field meet next month.
02:58Perfect.
02:59You're going to love Jen.
03:00She's really into sports, too.
03:01If this Jen girl's so great, why does she need help getting a date?
03:05Two words.
03:06Low self-esteem.
03:08That's three words.
03:09You guys really aren't selling it.
03:12Jen works for the penalty box.
03:13How does a 50% discount on running shoes sound?
03:17Okay, I'll do it.
03:20See ya.
03:21What?
03:21There are no lows I won't stoop to for Jen.
03:24That's sweet.
03:25Coach will still kill you, but it's sweet.
03:31No littering!
03:32No running!
03:35No coughing, mister!
03:37And hey, watch that breathing!
03:45Well, uh, hello there, ma'am.
03:49Ma'am!
03:50I mean, miss!
03:50Miss!
03:51How silly of me.
03:52I get confused when I'm around someone so beautiful.
03:57Oh, go on.
03:59You smell very nice.
04:02Like, um, flowers.
04:05And oranges.
04:08And burning rubber.
04:11But I love the scent of burning rubber in the morning!
04:14Tell me, young man.
04:16What's your mom looking for in a romantic relationship?
04:20Loser!
04:22Oh!
04:22Don't you see?
04:23You're the only girl for me.
04:27I'd crawl through fire for you.
04:30But I hope you never ask me to.
04:33Oh, Marlo.
04:35Oh, Wyatt, that is the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
04:45There's got to be someone in the mall Jen can date.
04:48Oh, I know.
04:50Too dumb.
04:52Bush, too smart.
04:55Ah!
04:58Just right.
05:00One lemonade, beautiful.
05:01Excellent choice.
05:03Uh...
05:04Uh, dugray.
05:05Want to date someone incredible, dugray?
05:07I kind of just wanted a lemonade, not a whole relationship.
05:11No offense.
05:13Oh, it's not for me.
05:14Although, why not me?
05:16Sporty brunettes are more my speed.
05:18Then I've got the perfect sporty brunette for you.
05:21If she's so perfect, why are you pawning her off on guys you barely know?
05:25That's a great question, dugray.
05:27Here's another.
05:28How would you like free lemonade for an entire year?
05:33I'll do it.
05:36Troubadour at 10 o'clock.
05:46Come on, adolescent scum.
05:52Come on.
05:53Give me something I can work with.
06:00Ha!
06:01No lettering!
06:02What did I do?
06:03You're mine now, you good-for-nothing lawbreaker.
06:09Jen, I'd like you to meet somebody.
06:12This is dugray, a snowboarder who loves lemonade and dancing at weddings.
06:18Get it?
06:19Weddings?
06:21Pleasure's all mine, beautiful.
06:23Oh, hello.
06:25You can stop whining now, Jen.
06:27I mean, say hello to the man of your dreams.
06:31This is my old friend, Dax, a nationally acclaimed triathlete.
06:35Hobbies include jogging in the rain and escorting dates to the adult table.
06:40Huh? Huh?
06:41You're prettier than a June bug in spring.
06:45I have no idea what that means, but howdy.
06:49That's great, you guys, but I've got this sitch totally under control.
06:52Sure doesn't look that way.
06:54Hey, stop flirting with the wrong guy.
06:56Hey, do grace the guy for you.
06:58Who says our guy is the wrong guy?
07:00Because we got here first.
07:02Which means it was probably a rushed job.
07:05That is so not true.
07:07It was pretty quick.
07:08Quiet, you.
07:09All right, all right, everyone calm down.
07:11Clearly, Jen's got a decision to make.
07:14Who do you want to bring to the wedding?
07:22Oh, I know how to settle this.
07:25A gladiator battle to the dead?
07:27No.
07:28Sample dates.
07:29Jen goes out with both candidates and makes her decision based on that.
07:33Sounds good to me.
07:35Really, really good.
07:38Well, I guess I could do that.
07:40I do have the afternoon free.
07:42It's in the bag, dude.
07:43We're so gonna kick his sorry butt.
07:46So, um, Ron?
07:49When are you gonna let me out of this cell?
07:51When you're ready to cooperate, punk.
07:53Cooperate with what?
07:55I still don't understand what the charges are.
07:57Resisting arrest.
07:58Failure to comply with authorities.
08:01Littering.
08:02I didn't litter.
08:03You can't just lock people up any time you feel like it.
08:06I have rights.
08:07You're in ball jail, junior miss.
08:10The rules of the outside world no longer apply.
08:13Well, I'm sure my friends will be here any minute to bail me out.
08:17Hey, has anyone seen Wyatt lately?
08:19No.
08:19Afraid not.
08:20Nuh-uh.
08:20Who?
08:21Oh, well.
08:21I'm sure he'll turn up.
08:23Looks like your friends don't care.
08:26That's not true.
08:27They're bound to come here.
08:29Eventually.
08:30They aren't coming.
08:31You belong to me now, maggot.
08:34Get used to it.
08:52George?
08:57Cool.
09:02Okay, Dax.
09:04Go get that girl.
09:05Bag that hottie.
09:06Land that lassie.
09:07That is your stepsister, remember?
09:09So?
09:09I want to win.
09:10Good luck, man.
09:11Thanks, bud.
09:12Don't shake hands with the enemy.
09:14I think you might be taking this competition thing a little too seriously.
09:17It's called a winning attitude.
09:19Look into it.
09:20We don't need to.
09:21Because you're going down, loser.
09:25Hey there, pretty lady.
09:27Thanks for putting up with all of this, you guys.
09:29Hey.
09:30It's worth it.
09:31It means rescuing a fair maiden like yourself from the kiddie table.
09:35That is so sweet.
09:37What'd I tell you?
09:38Dax is a lock.
09:39It's like taking candy from a candy machine that's broken and spilling over with candy.
09:44These are for you.
09:45Oh, do gray.
09:47They're beautiful.
09:48Who said you could bring props?
09:50All spare and love and wedding receptions.
09:52So, do either of you guys surf?
09:55Actually, I know this great spot.
09:58Really private, totally picturesque.
10:00But I'm kind of waiting to share it with the right girl.
10:04Oh, that is so romantic.
10:07Oh, what the?
10:09Kaylin!
10:10Oops.
10:12Get Jen a drink and don't cheap out.
10:16Jen, I noticed your cup is empty.
10:19Let me get you another coffee.
10:21That is so thoughtful.
10:23Dax, can I get you anything?
10:25A glass of water would be great.
10:27I don't drink coffee.
10:28I believe life is the ultimate stimulant.
10:31Me too.
10:32Well, now I do.
10:36Ah!
10:40Hey, you tripped my guy.
10:42Kaylin, you're still here?
10:44You beaned our guy in the head with a muffin first.
10:47Jonesy, what are you doing here?
10:48Just trying to help you make the right...
10:50Ow!
10:51Hmm.
10:51Stop attacking each other with baked goods.
10:53I've made my decision.
10:55Really?
10:55So, who's it going to be?
10:57Dax!
10:58Sweet!
10:59What?
10:59Uh-huh.
11:00That's right.
11:01We did it.
11:02Oh, yeah.
11:03It was three on two.
11:04I demand a rematch.
11:06It was really nice meeting you, Dugray.
11:09Good luck with everything, and I hope you have a great time at the wedding.
11:13Where do you think you're going?
11:15Um, home?
11:17I didn't raise you to be a quitter.
11:19Your friend seems happy enough.
11:21Isn't that what you wanted?
11:22Back when I was young and foolish, maybe.
11:24But now?
11:24Now I want more!
11:26Jonesy and Nikki won this battle, but we're gonna win the war!
11:31Uh, your eye is twitching.
11:34No, it isn't!
11:42Thanks again for setting me up with Dax, you guys.
11:44Now I can't wait to go to the wedding.
11:46And we don't have to worry about you being a third wheel all night.
11:50Ow!
11:51I'm just saying what we're all thinking.
11:53And who knows?
11:54Weddings are pretty romantic.
11:56Maybe this date will turn into something more serious.
11:59Ah, romance.
12:00Chicks always fall for that crap.
12:02That's right, ladies.
12:03The village idiot is taken.
12:06You love my plain-spoken charm.
12:08Is that what we're calling it now?
12:11Those barbecue sticks smell awesome!
12:16Did you see the look on Caitlin's face when Jen picked Dax over her guy?
12:20She was all, what?
12:23She was pretty miffed.
12:25I'm sure she's over it by now.
12:29Basketball.
12:30Jen's favorite spectator sport.
12:32Sucker punch.
12:33Jen's favorite band.
12:35Skis.
12:36Uh, uh, Jen's favorite winter sport?
12:38No, chocolate skis.
12:40Jen's favorite sugary treat.
12:42Where's your head at?
12:43Chocolate!
12:44Oh, right.
12:46Jen should be getting back from break any second now.
12:48Get in there and step up your game.
12:50Are you in this or not?
12:51Let me hear you.
12:53I'm in this.
12:53Louder!
12:54I'm in this!
12:57That was hillbilly me.
12:58I got one mute, one cart, and one good eye on me.
13:03Up next, we got Ricky Yoko with a bag of chewing tobacco for two.
13:08All on Country 92.
13:10Yeehaw!
13:10No more country!
13:13I beg you!
13:15Huh?
13:16How's that soap, scum?
13:17You gotta let me out of here.
13:18The walls are closing in.
13:20I can't take it anymore.
13:21What will you do to get out, poopy pants?
13:24Anything!
13:25Perfect.
13:29That's better.
13:31Why are you giving me my guitar?
13:33So you can teach me that love song you were singing to your girlfriend this morning.
13:37Now, look, how do you hold this thing?
13:40You mean, you've never played before?
13:42Fast time for everything.
13:45I'm never getting out of here, am I?
13:46Not with that attitude, mister!
13:55Doobray, what are you doing here?
13:57Oh, hey, Jen.
13:58I forgot you worked here.
14:00I was just listening to the new Sucker Punch album.
14:03You like Sucker Punch?
14:04Sure.
14:05Doesn't everyone?
14:06Chocolate ski?
14:07You like chocolate skis?
14:09I know.
14:10Weird, right?
14:11No way.
14:12They're great.
14:13Hey, do you know anyone who likes college basketball?
14:16You like college basketball?
14:17I've got two tickets to the game next week.
14:20But no one to take.
14:22I'll go!
14:23Sorry, but I'm not the kind of guy who poaches other guys' girls.
14:27You are dating Dax now.
14:29Not anymore!
14:30Want to go to a wedding with me this weekend?
14:32For real?
14:33Wear a blue shirt.
14:34It'll match my dress.
14:35Yes!
14:36Who was that?
14:37Nobody.
14:39For the last time, this is the A chord!
14:44Ah!
14:46No!
14:46Like this!
14:49The strings are cutting into my fingers.
14:53They feel like lumps of ground meat.
14:56You have to build up calluses.
14:58See?
15:02My back is killing me!
15:05Playing for five hours straight will do that.
15:10I haven't been tortured like this since the enemy rounded up my platoon.
15:14You want torture?
15:15Try sitting over here!
15:17I won't give up my unit.
15:18You can torture me all you want.
15:21What?
15:21Run, Carl!
15:23Run for your life!
15:24Torture flashback.
15:25That gives me an idea.
15:28Give me an acorn!
15:29Now!
15:31Again!
15:35Kiss you!
15:38Again!
15:42You evil sickos!
15:48Now we're getting somewhere!
15:50Again!
15:58Banky rocks!
16:00No!
16:02Woo-hoo-hoo!
16:04Yeah!
16:05Woo-hoo-hoo!
16:11Hey, guys.
16:12We're not speaking to you.
16:14Okay?
16:15Starting right after we finish yelling at you.
16:17How could you dump Dax for Dugray?
16:19He was our guy.
16:21We liked him a lot.
16:22A lot, a lot.
16:23Look, it's not him.
16:24It's me.
16:25I just realized that Dugray and I have way more in common.
16:29Caitlyn must have put him up to it.
16:30Oh, that little rat.
16:31We'll fix her wagon.
16:33What does that even mean?
16:34I thought you guys just wanted me to have a date for the wedding.
16:37Oh, please.
16:38Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think I made a mistake.
16:42Dugray and I have everything in common, so it's totally boring.
16:46Well, you can never go back to Dax.
16:49Not after you broke our heart.
16:51Come on, guys.
16:52I'm sorry.
16:54Too little, too late.
16:55Not speaking begins now.
17:02Hey, are you all right?
17:03Jane, I saw those people yelling at you.
17:05Not cool.
17:06Oh, them?
17:07Yeah, they're, uh, special.
17:09I'm Adam, and you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in a referee uniform.
17:15Oh, I'm Jen.
17:23You're playing the song.
17:25You did it.
17:26No, son.
17:27We did it.
17:28You sick tormentor.
17:31Thanks.
17:32Glad I could help.
17:33Well, you held up your part of the bargain.
17:37You're free to go.
17:39Wow.
17:39Great.
17:40Thanks.
17:42What's the matter, Street Meat?
17:43It's crazy, but I was just starting to have fun.
17:47Me, too.
17:48Me, too.
17:50But if you ever tell a living soul, no one will hear from you again.
17:54Got it.
17:56Anything else you want to learn to play?
17:57Do you know Stairway to Heaven?
17:59I love that song.
18:04Turned out to be a great day, huh, guys?
18:06Whatever.
18:07I don't care.
18:09Everybody, this is Adam.
18:11We just met and totally clicked, so I've decided to take him to the wedding instead.
18:16What?
18:16How could you do that to me?
18:18I mean, do great.
18:20He's perfect.
18:21No, he isn't.
18:22Dax was perfect.
18:23My guy can speak French.
18:24Our guy can burp the alphabet.
18:26My guy can save lives.
18:27Our guy can drive a speedboat.
18:28My guy can fly.
18:29Our guy can shoot lasers with his mind.
18:32Guys, quit it.
18:33You're going to scare away...
18:35Adam?
18:36Adam?
18:36Oopsie.
18:38Oh, man.
18:39Any chance it isn't too late to get two gray-haired Dax back?
18:44Howdy, dudes and dudettes.
18:47Dude, you actually got a tan?
18:50But that's not possible.
18:51You've been under fluorescent lights all day.
18:54You see, the key to a good vacay, it's all in the mind.
19:00A sunless, self-tannerless tan?
19:03My hero.
19:05A toast to the bride and groom.
19:07To the bride and groom.
19:12To the dumb old bride and groom.
19:27Am I doing this right?
19:29Relax and feel the rays, brah.
19:33Hey, guys.
19:34Wyatt, where have you been?
19:36We looked everywhere for you.
19:38Really?
19:39No, not really.
19:40Oh, darling, can't you see?
19:43You're the only girl for me.
19:46I'd crawl through fire for you.
19:49I just hope you never ask me to.
19:52Oh, darling.
19:54Oh, Ron, that's the most romantic song I've ever heard.
20:00Hey, I know that song.
20:02That's totally a Wyatt original.
20:04Have you been helping Ron score with Yummy Mummy?
20:08What?
20:08No, that's crazy.
20:10Well, yeah.
20:11Just as I thought.
20:13A total softie.
20:15Guilty as charged.
20:17You promised me 50% off running shoes if I dated Jen.
20:22You promised me free lemonade for a year.
20:25You guys offered bribes to date me?
20:28Hey, it worked, didn't it?
20:30Uh, no, it didn't.
20:31Oh, right.
20:33Whatever.
20:33Whatever.
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