- 2 days ago
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00:01My name is Nicole Bradford.
00:03This is Michael. He's my father.
00:06He works uptown. He dresses in a suit.
00:09This is Joey. He's my other father.
00:12He's an artist. We all live in his loft downtown.
00:16Michael and Joey inherited me from my mom.
00:18This is the judge that put us together.
00:20She says everything's gonna work out just fine.
00:23And if they screw up, I'll fix it.
00:25You can count on me. No matter what you do.
00:31You can count on me. No matter where you go.
00:36I'm standing by your side. I'll be right behind.
00:40No one loves you more than I do. Put your hands in mine.
00:45You can count on me. No matter what you do.
00:51You can count on me. No matter where you go.
00:55You can count on me.
01:05Seven seconds on the shot clock.
01:07Phew. It's magic. He fakes left. He fakes right.
01:11He drives in!
01:14What are you doing?
01:15Game six, 87 finals. Come on, you wanna play a little one-on-one?
01:18Give me a break. Some of us work today.
01:20Hey, there is no tomorrow for one of these two teams.
01:24Come on. I'm tired. I'm beat.
01:27You double dribble. Give me the ball.
01:30Earn it.
01:31Alright, 21 game. Gotta win by two and you can't use the furniture as a pick.
01:36Oh, hold it, hold it, hold it. I'm not ready.
01:43Okay, I'm ready.
01:44Okay, I'm ready.
01:48Joey Harris.
01:50He fakes left. He moves in. He's gone. He's going in.
01:55Hey!
01:56I'm ready.
02:01He's out of bounds. My ball.
02:10Hey, honey. How was school?
02:14School was great. Lunch was wonderful and algebra was tremendous. It's so good to be alive.
02:23Honey, what's going on?
02:25Nothing. Just cleaning up in here.
02:29Something's going on.
02:32Nothing's going on. She's a happy kid.
02:34She's doing the dishes without being told.
02:37She wants something. She's gonna ask us for a horse.
02:42Michael, she is happy because we are doing such a great job as parents.
02:46I mean, look at her.
02:47She's singing. She's smiling.
02:50She's possessed by Patty Duke.
02:53I think I'll go straighten up my room now.
02:57Twelve-year-old girl.
02:59Singing.
03:00And happy.
03:01Cleaning up.
03:03Uh-oh.
03:04What?
03:06Uh-oh.
03:08What is it?
03:09Look at what she drew on her notebook.
03:12That's a bunch of doodling. So what?
03:14Not just doodling.
03:16Hearts with arrows going through them?
03:19Joe, these are love doodles.
03:24Yeah.
03:25Nah, they can't be love doodles. She's way too young.
03:29Oh, yeah? Hearts with arrows going through them?
03:32She's either in love or she's an Apache cardiologist.
03:37I got it.
03:39She's only twelve years old.
03:40She can't have a boy in her life already.
03:42It's for me.
03:43Hello?
03:45Oh, hi.
03:50It's too late, Joe. We've lost her.
03:53I'm really glad you called.
03:56Yeah, I really am.
04:00No, no, not yet. We just got her.
04:05Saturday?
04:07This Saturday?
04:09Listen to this.
04:10He's asking her out on a date.
04:12A date?
04:13Hey, she's not old enough to go out on a date.
04:15Oh, come on.
04:16How old were you when you went on your first date?
04:18Hey, it's not the same with guys.
04:20Oh, a little double standard here?
04:22Come on, how old were you?
04:24Eight.
04:26Eight?
04:27Yeah, eight. How old were you?
04:30Seven.
04:31Right.
04:33Okay, I was fourteen, but the girl was seven.
04:38This...
04:39You know why this is wonderful?
04:41Because in a few seconds, Joe,
04:44our little daughter is going to timidly ask us for permission
04:47to go on a very first date with a boy.
04:50And you know what we'll do?
04:52We will listen to her request.
04:54We will ask her pertinent questions about her young man,
04:58and then, with joy in our hearts and tears in our eyes,
05:03we'll say yes.
05:04This is a great father moment.
05:07Okay, great.
05:08Bye.
05:10Okay, get ready.
05:11Here comes the timid question.
05:12I'm going on a date this Saturday!
05:18The hell you are!
05:22What?
05:24What?
05:26I didn't get my little father moment.
05:28Oh, I'm sorry.
05:29I was excited.
05:30I should have asked permission, but if I ask, can I go?
05:32Maybe.
05:33No.
05:34Why not?
05:35Because you're too young to start dating.
05:37But Michael said maybe.
05:39Nicole, just give us a few minutes alone, okay?
05:44Michael, one word.
05:46Please!
05:51What are you doing?
05:52What am I doing?
05:53I'm protecting our little girl's best interests.
05:56Our little girl?
05:57Our little girl is on the brink of growing up.
06:00I don't want her growing up until she gets old.
06:04Oh, hi, Judge.
06:05Help us out here.
06:06We're having a little argument.
06:07No, thank you.
06:09I've already had one.
06:10The interesting thing about court is that no one comes there to agree.
06:15But then I get a few minutes to relax in my bathtub directly below you.
06:23But I take a brief recess to come up here and tell you,
06:28Don't play basketball in the apartment!
06:35Thank you, gentlemen.
06:38Hey, Judge.
06:39Maybe you can help us decide something.
06:41Sorry.
06:42Court's adjourned.
06:44Nicole, first date.
06:51The kid's got a date?
06:54If we let her.
06:55She's old enough, isn't she?
06:56No!
06:57No, as far as I'm concerned, Nicole's too young to start dating.
07:00You trust her, don't you, Joey?
07:02Of course I trust her.
07:03It's the boy I don't trust.
07:05Why?
07:06What do you know about him?
07:08He's a boy.
07:08That's all I need to know.
07:11I mean, I just got her.
07:12I don't want to lend her out already.
07:14I mean, let him date somebody else's daughter.
07:17Fine.
07:17He can date my daughter.
07:21Look, you said you'd trust her, so trust her judgment about the boy.
07:24I want to see what Nicole sees in the kid.
07:26Maybe that'll convince me.
07:27His name is Corey Kupkis.
07:29He is great looking.
07:31I mean, he looks like Bon Jovi.
07:32Oh, I don't know.
07:33No, no, no.
07:35He reminds me of you.
07:45Now, you're in the theater with this guy.
07:47Okay?
07:47That's your seat.
07:48That's your territory.
07:50Now, this seat belongs to your date.
07:53Corey.
07:54For now, I prefer to think of him as the enemy.
07:57Dad, I know what I'm doing.
07:59I'm 12 years old.
08:01Hey, this shirt is 12 years old.
08:05Okay, now, the only thing between you is the armrest.
08:09Now, this is where the battle is won or lost.
08:12Now, he can't go under it.
08:14He can't go through it.
08:16He's got to come at you airborne.
08:18Hence the term, shooting him down.
08:22Well, when do I get to watch the movie?
08:24When it comes to cable.
08:27Now, the minute you take your eyes off that armrest,
08:30he's across the border.
08:32It could be the yawn move.
08:44And it could be the scratch the head move.
09:03And it could be the scratch the head move.
09:04You know what I'm saying here?
09:04Look, the only defense you have are your knees and your elbows.
09:08I know, Dad.
09:10Cartilage is my friend.
09:14All right, now, at the end of the date, if, and only if,
09:18he stays on his side of the armrest,
09:21you can give him one kiss on the cheek.
09:25And that's it.
09:27Now, knock him dead.
09:29All right.
09:32Ah, this is great.
09:33Perfect, don't move.
09:34Stay right there.
09:35I borrowed this from a friend of mine at work.
09:37I don't want to miss these golden moments.
09:41All right, now, Nicole, I know it's a little Hollywood,
09:44but while I got the camera running,
09:47would you mind very much asking me for permission to go on the date?
09:51I really want a record of that.
09:54Dad.
09:55Okay, okay, okay.
09:55But I got you something for your date.
09:58You did?
09:59Uh-huh.
10:00What'd you get me?
10:01Not so close.
10:04You got them?
10:05I don't believe it.
10:06Yep.
10:07White leather boots with the fringy things.
10:10Hold them up for the camera.
10:15There you go.
10:17There you go.
10:19Michael, thank you.
10:28I'm gonna go try these on.
10:29Okay, okay.
10:31Wait, wait, wait.
10:32Would you do me a favor?
10:33Would you just wave bye-bye?
10:37Okay, close the door.
10:39Great.
10:41All right, I checked this Cory kid out.
10:46He tries anything.
10:47I know where he lives.
10:50That's him.
10:51That's Cory.
10:52How do I look?
10:53How's my hair?
10:54I mean, how do you like this outfit?
10:56How about the sweater?
10:56Is it me?
10:57I'm not nervous.
10:59Get back in your room.
11:01Now, the girl's not supposed to be ready when the boy arrives for the date.
11:04That way they don't seem so anxious.
11:07Oh, that's why.
11:10Oh.
11:11Oh, okay, okay.
11:14I'll tell you.
11:15Any kid that would date a girl with two fathers, there's gotta be one brave little dude.
11:19Or a moron.
11:22Okay.
11:24This is the moment of truth.
11:26A little girl's first date.
11:32I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
11:37Sorry, Judge.
11:38We thought you were gonna be Nicole's date.
11:40Oh, good.
11:41Then I'm not too late.
11:43I brought her a little present.
11:44Some nice perfume.
11:45What kind of perfume?
11:47Relax, Joey.
11:48This stuff is about as erotic as lemon pledge.
11:58I got it.
12:01Hello?
12:05Yeah, this is Nicole's father.
12:07Oh, hello.
12:09You what?
12:11Wait, you're kidding?
12:14Why?
12:17You sure?
12:19Okay.
12:21Well, I'll tell her.
12:23Right.
12:26That was Nicole's date.
12:29He's not coming.
12:32What?
12:34That little punk stood her up.
12:39What are we gonna tell her?
12:42I'm ready!
12:43Oh, hi, Judge.
12:44Where's Corey?
12:56Where's Corey?
13:01That was the judge at the door, honey.
13:03That wasn't Corey.
13:05Oh.
13:06I guess he must be a little late, then.
13:08Who is that on the phone?
13:10Uh, that's the wrong number.
13:12Jelly.
13:13Tell her.
13:16Tell me what?
13:18Nicole, honey.
13:22Honey...
13:24Michael's got something he wants to tell you.
13:28Thank you, Joe.
13:29Hello.
13:31Nicole, honey.
13:36Honey...
13:38Don't even think it.
13:44Sweetie?
13:46Your date, Corey,
13:49had a little problem,
13:50and, uh, he's gonna...
13:52He stood me up!
13:54I'm sorry, honey.
13:55My first date.
13:58First date, and I got stood up.
13:59Why did this have to happen?
14:02Well, you may have inherited this from me.
14:14Okay.
14:15You'll get over it.
14:17It'll work out.
14:19Things always work out for the best.
14:21Time heals all wounds.
14:25Somebody jump in.
14:26I'm running out of cliches.
14:28Nicole, honey.
14:29Honey.
14:30Hey, why don't we all go out and do something?
14:34Thanks, but...
14:36I think I just want to spend a little time in my room, okay?
14:42Nicole?
14:43Could I hang out with you for a little while?
14:45Thanks, sir.
14:51Girl talk.
14:56Well...
14:57I'm depressed.
15:00If you need me,
15:01me and my head will be in the oven.
15:05Hey, I'm gonna go see this Cory kid.
15:07Wait, wait, wait. You're what?
15:08He broke our little girl's heart.
15:10I'm gonna get him.
15:10Joey.
15:11Joey.
15:13Wait a second.
15:14Hey, I've seen kids like this before.
15:15If nobody sets them straight, they strike again.
15:18What are you saying?
15:19We're dealing with a serial heartbreaker?
15:22I'm going to his apartment.
15:24You should come with me.
15:26Why?
15:26So you can go down on the sidewalk and break his fall.
15:34Hold on a second.
15:35Have you given any thought to what you're about to say to this kid?
15:38Hey, I know exactly what I'm gonna say to this kid.
15:40I'm gonna tell the little twerp that he broke my daughter's heart.
15:43And that because he is still a little twerp, he's safe from my wrath.
15:46But on the day he turns 21, I'm gonna hunt him down like the dog that he is.
15:54He's very nice.
15:56He's a very stable attitude to have.
15:59Joe, why don't I just take you home right now?
16:02Too late.
16:08Yeah?
16:11Yeah?
16:12You with a Kupka's kid?
16:13Yeah?
16:15Nicole's dating a longshoreman?
16:18You got a younger brother, right?
16:20Or a son?
16:21He's on his first date.
16:23Using the moves I taught him.
16:25Been teaching him all week.
16:27Oh, yeah?
16:29Well, that date is with our daughter.
16:33Well, here's an embarrassing situation.
16:38The reason we're here is that your brother never showed up.
16:43Oh, let me give you my big surprise face.
16:48So he does this all the time, huh?
16:50Hey, he's a Kupkis.
16:51Hey, go get him.
16:54Cause I want to talk to the low-life creep that stood my daughter up.
16:58You do?
16:58Yeah.
16:59Well, I'll see if he's available.
17:01Good.
17:02Hey, Cory!
17:07Look, you picked a girl with two fathers.
17:09You moron!
17:10I told you, don't do that!
17:16I'm very sorry, sirs.
17:17I hope Nicole isn't too mad at me.
17:27There he is, Joe.
17:33Get him.
17:35The young destroyer of hearts.
17:39The dog you want to hunt down.
17:41The low-life creep you want to throw out a window.
17:44Should I open one up?
17:46Cause you know, if you get a nice tight spiral on this kid, I'd say you could throw him to
17:50Staten Island.
17:52Please don't do that.
17:54I'm not going to do anything to you, Cory.
17:55I just want to know why.
17:58Why just stand Nicole up this afternoon?
18:00You broke her heart.
18:01You know, that was her first date.
18:04Well, it was my first date too, you know.
18:09Yeah, but I taught you everything you needed to know.
18:11I taught you the yawn move.
18:13I taught you the head scratch move.
18:24Wouldn't have mattered, pal.
18:25I taught her the knees and elbows.
18:29Oh, professional.
18:32Cory, what happened?
18:35Look, you know, I really wanted to go.
18:38Took three showers, combed my hair for an hour.
18:42You know, I like Nicole a lot, but...
18:45All that stuff you taught me, I didn't want to do that.
18:48I just wanted to go to the movies.
18:50What's the matter with that?
18:51Listen, squirrel head, let me tell you about my first date.
18:54No, no, let me tell you about your first date.
18:58You went to a movie.
19:00You lost one of the tickets.
19:02You spilled a coke.
19:03The people in front of you told you to shut up.
19:06And then, you went to hold her hand.
19:08And she put it in her pocket.
19:09She kept it in her pocket.
19:11And then, in payoff time, you walked her up to her front door.
19:14And for three months, you thought about that kiss that you were too scared to give her.
19:19Oh, yeah?
19:24You tell anybody, Cory.
19:26I'll kill you.
19:36Yeah, we all had the same first date.
19:39And apparently, we all lied about it afterwards.
19:48He stood me up.
19:51He called me.
19:54He asked me out.
19:56I thought he liked me.
19:58What did I do wrong?
20:00Nothing, sweetie.
20:02We've all been stood up in our lives.
20:05Even me.
20:07Really?
20:10His name was Stanley Welker.
20:13I was 23 years old.
20:16We were going together for six months.
20:19And then one day, he just didn't show up.
20:22And I never heard from him again.
20:25What happened?
20:29I swore that one day, I'd see him and I'd get even.
20:33Did you?
20:35Funny how life works.
20:47He appeared before me as a defendant in an insider trading scheme.
20:54I looked at him.
20:56I remembered how much I cared about him.
20:59I sent him up for 10 years, no parole.
21:10Nicole.
21:14Somebody here to see you.
21:26Hi.
21:27Hi.
21:32Listen, you know, I'm sorry I'm late.
21:34You know, traffic was murder.
21:40No, uh, I got scared.
21:45And that's a hard thing for a cupkis to say.
21:51I was worried you met somebody you like better.
21:55No way.
21:56There's nobody in the world I like better.
22:02Well, um, we missed the movie, but we could go down to Kloiki's and get some ice cream.
22:09Great.
22:15Thanks, Judge.
22:17Anytime, sweetie.
22:20Well, Dad's, um, I'm going on my date now.
22:25Yes, you may.
22:27Corey.
22:30Corey, you take good care of him.
22:32I'll only buy her the best ice cream, sir.
22:36Oh, and Corey, at the end of our date, you can give me one kiss on the cheek and that's
22:42it, okay?
22:43Better than my brother did.
22:53Hey, Judge, thanks for all your help.
22:55My pleasure, boys.
22:56Oh, one word of advice.
22:59Don't let Nicole catch you when you spy on her down at Kloiki's.
23:04Judge, you wouldn't do a thing like that.
23:07We're not that kind of guy.
23:34Come on.
23:37De espily.
23:45Uh.
23:51Oh, oh, oh.
23:54Oh, I won't do it.
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