- 2 days ago
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00:04Joe!
00:07Guess what today is?
00:08Oh, I give up.
00:09Come on, guess.
00:10Why don't you take a guess?
00:11Oh, Friday.
00:12Friday.
00:12It's Friday.
00:13You know what's special about today?
00:14What?
00:14Today's the day I'm gonna kill you.
00:18Oh, is that today?
00:19You used my razor, didn't you?
00:21Oh, did I dull the blade?
00:23No.
00:23No, I got a great shave, Joe.
00:24I just thought the toilet paper would pick up the green in my tie.
00:28Look, I had to rough up the water now.
00:29I put it in this couch so I could paint it, you know?
00:31My couch?
00:32You're painting my couch?
00:34Hey, your couch was drab, needed color, okay?
00:37Didn't fit in in this place.
00:39This was the one normal piece of furniture in the whole loft, Joe.
00:42I bought this so I would have one little island of sanity
00:45in plain wood and white cushions, and now the wood's not plain.
00:50Oh, no.
00:58You love it, right?
01:00Oh, Mr. Couch.
01:03I am so sorry.
01:05You were so proud and elegant in the store window,
01:08and now look what he's done to you.
01:10Let me put you out of your misery.
01:14You just sunk sanity island.
01:18Morning.
01:18No, I still got Nicole.
01:21Nicole is now my one link to sensibility within these walls.
01:26Guys, don't you think it's about time you gave me a baby brother?
01:34This is me, Nicole Bradford.
01:36Cute, huh?
01:37This is my dad, and this is my dad.
01:40How'd I get to you, Dad?
01:41They inherited me.
01:42Congratulations.
01:43It's a girl.
01:44Here's the judge who brought us together.
01:46She lives in our building.
01:47My building.
01:48I own it.
01:49She's gonna make sure we're one big happy family,
01:52with one dad who's down to earth,
01:53and one dad with his head in the clouds.
01:55I think we're father of the year.
01:58You can count on me.
02:01No matter what you do.
02:03You can count on me.
02:06No matter where you go.
02:08I'm standing by your side.
02:10I'll be right behind.
02:11No one loves you more than I do.
02:15Put your head in fire.
02:17You can count on me.
02:20No matter what you do.
02:23You can count on me.
02:25No matter where you go.
02:28You can count on me.
02:33Hey, Nick, are you serious?
02:35You want a little brother?
02:37Would that be an actual human sibling,
02:39or could we just put Joey in pampers?
02:42I'm only bringing this up because my friend Rebecca just got a baby brother.
02:46And all the rest of my friends have baby brothers and sisters.
02:48And I was thinking to myself,
02:51gee, out of all my friends,
02:53I'm the only one who has no hope of ever being anything,
02:56but an only child.
03:02Because it sure would be nice to have a baby brother like you.
03:05Or like you, without the toilet paper.
03:09Honey,
03:10someday Joey or I could meet a woman,
03:12and get married,
03:14and then a couple of short years later,
03:16you could have a baby brother.
03:19Yeah, but I was just thinking about now.
03:23Well, sweetheart,
03:24I can't actually say that conception was on my calendar for today.
03:27Hey, Nick,
03:27is this something that's really been bothering you?
03:29I mean, is this on your mind?
03:31No, I guess not.
03:32I guess I'll just go to school.
03:34Isn't it kind of early?
03:36Yeah, but this way I have some time before class
03:38to watch the first graders on the seesaws.
03:42Have a good day, dads.
03:43All right. Ow.
03:54I know just what you're thinking.
03:56I know just what you're thinking.
03:58You're thinking we should listen to what Michael has to say,
04:00and follow Michael's advice on this subject.
04:02Well, Joe, thank you.
04:04I'm flattered.
04:04And here it is.
04:06This is a phase.
04:07After a while, she's going to grow out of this phase.
04:09And the beauty part of it is,
04:10we have the simplest job in the world.
04:13All we have to do is not consider anything drastic.
04:16Isn't that wonderful?
04:17Isn't that a wonderful thing?
04:18Joe?
04:22A little brother for Nicole, huh?
04:24What do you think?
04:26You get a kick out of this, don't you?
04:28Hey, come on.
04:28Come on.
04:29You saw her face.
04:30She was serious.
04:30Our daughter wants a little brother.
04:32And I would deny our daughter nothing,
04:34except for the pesky little fact
04:35that last time I checked,
04:36I don't have a womb.
04:39Come on.
04:40Come on.
04:41There's five kids in my family.
04:42There's three in yours.
04:43We have no idea what it's like to be an only child.
04:45Joe, look at it from our side.
04:47We have no wives.
04:47We're only parents.
04:48Only parents have only children.
04:50Everybody knows that.
04:51Yeah.
04:52Every kid needs a little brother or sister
04:54that can get them into trouble.
04:55You know, mess up their lives.
04:56Didn't you have one of those?
04:58Not until now.
04:59Come on.
05:00You know, the only thing I could see
05:01is that Nicole never asks us for anything,
05:03and the one time she does,
05:04you only want to consider it.
05:05She's asking us for another child.
05:07I always wanted a big family.
05:10Well, Joey, there's plenty of time for that.
05:12We're still young, and...
05:13Why am I having this conversation
05:15with somebody in a beard?
05:16Listen, when I get around to deciding
05:18how many children I want to have,
05:19I do not want to be looking at somebody
05:20with facial hair.
05:21Unless she has a damn good personality.
05:24Hey, come on.
05:24We're talking one little boy.
05:28You're right.
05:29You're absolutely right.
05:29You've been right all along,
05:30and I'm an idiot to argue with you
05:32because it makes me Mr. Negative
05:33in front of Nicole.
05:34And since there is obviously
05:35no way we can get Nicole the brother,
05:36and you know that,
05:37and I know that you know that,
05:38then go ahead.
05:39She wants it.
05:40I'm all for it.
05:41Yeah, go ahead.
05:41Call Bloomingdale's.
05:43Boys department.
05:45See if they have any in stock.
05:47Who are you calling?
05:48What, do you happen to know somebody
05:49with the power to change the laws of nature
05:51as we know them?
05:52Judge?
05:52Uh-oh.
05:54Nicole wants a brother?
05:56Yeah, but Mikey here
05:57seems to think there's no way
05:58that we can get her one.
06:00Yeah, me and medical science.
06:01We're such wet blankets.
06:04Sorry, boys.
06:05This time I can't help you.
06:07Maybe I can talk to Nicole later.
06:15Unless...
06:15There.
06:16You see, Michael?
06:18Unless.
06:19You're always saying,
06:19no, no, never, never.
06:21Can't, can't.
06:21But you never think unless.
06:23Unless what?
06:24I'm on the board at the Riverside Children's Center.
06:27It's a state-funded program
06:29where kids live
06:30until they can be placed in foster homes.
06:32It's where Nicole would have gone
06:33if it weren't for you two.
06:35I think I might be able to persuade them
06:37to let you have a child on weekends
06:39while he's waiting for adoption.
06:41Mr. Negative?
06:44I don't hate this idea.
06:46Come on.
06:47It's great.
06:48This is great.
06:48Nicole wants a baby brother
06:49and we can get one
06:50without having to take a home pregnancy test
06:52or anything.
06:54Tell you what.
06:55Meet me down there at one o'clock.
06:57If you hit it off with a kid,
06:58I'll push the paperwork.
07:00And this would be an actual little boy?
07:01I could carry him around on my shoulders
07:02and everything?
07:04Here's the address.
07:05You sure this is what Nicole wants?
07:07Oh, positive.
07:08I can't wait to see her face.
07:10We can give him a nickname.
07:11Give him a nickname.
07:12Skip.
07:12Butch.
07:14Haas.
07:17So is it time for me to go upstairs yet?
07:20No, no.
07:21Let them sit a while.
07:23Let them wonder why you're so late.
07:25Let them think you're over at Rebecca's
07:27spending time with her little brother.
07:30Nina, isn't this whole thing a little devious?
07:33You want to go to the concert, don't you?
07:35Yeah, but why can't we just wait
07:37until Bon Jovi comes to New York?
07:39Because my cousin has 10th row seats
07:41to the concert in Hartford.
07:43Of course I could always ask Rebecca
07:45if she wants to go.
07:47It's just, they look so worried
07:49when I left them this morning.
07:50They really thought I was upset.
07:52Are you sure this is a good idea?
07:54Look at it this way, Nicole.
07:56You're doing them a favor.
07:57When they find out they can let you go
07:59to the concert,
08:00instead of giving you the baby brother
08:02they can't give you,
08:03you'll make them the happiest fathers on earth.
08:06It's a perfect plan.
08:08You think it'll work?
08:10You're so naive.
08:13You're an only child.
08:16Nature has blessed you.
08:17You have two fathers.
08:20Nature loves you.
08:22Are you going to use it?
08:24Are you just going to waste your life?
08:30Look sad.
08:32Look deprived.
08:33And remember,
08:34Bon Jovi won't take the place
08:36of the little brother,
08:37but it'll help ease the pain.
08:39Okay?
08:40Okay, do it.
08:43Hi, Dad.
08:45Hey.
08:45Hi, sweetheart.
08:46How was your day?
08:47She hasn't been herself.
08:49Is there something wrong at home?
08:54I'm okay, I guess.
08:55I'm sorry I'm late.
08:57I hung out for a while,
08:59looking in the window at F.A.O. Schwartz.
09:03Hey, Nick.
09:03We did everything we could.
09:06I understand, Dads.
09:08There's nothing you can do.
09:15Oh, listen.
09:16Nina's cousin is driving to Hartford
09:18to see the Bon Jovi concert next weekend,
09:20and she just happens to have an extra ticket.
09:23I don't suppose there's any way I could go, is there?
09:28Absolutely out of the question.
09:29What?
09:30You're going to be way too busy next weekend.
09:32You're going to be too busy this weekend.
09:34Why?
09:35Surprise!
09:39I'm Ben.
09:40I'm your new brother.
09:45Bye!
10:01How was some game, huh?
10:03Great game.
10:04Thanks to the ball.
10:05Hey, let's see what you got, huh?
10:07Remember any of the plays?
10:08One.
10:09Okay.
10:10One.
10:10Two.
10:11Hiking.
10:11Okay.
10:12And it goes for the long ones!
10:14Get out!
10:16Get out!
10:17Get out!
10:18I'll tell you what.
10:20Nicole and me against Michael and Ben.
10:22Don't call me Ben.
10:23Call me when Michael calls me.
10:25Hoss.
10:28Okay.
10:29We got possession first?
10:31Guys, I've had enough football for one weekend.
10:33I really got to get some homework done.
10:35Okay.
10:36We don't have to play any more football.
10:38I think it's time for Ben Ball!
10:40Ben Ball!
10:44Ben Ball!
10:46Also, you can do my homework downstairs at Kloiki's, so make all the noise you want.
10:51Okay, so you guys, we'll see you down there when we take Ben home, right?
10:54What a steal!
11:01Hey!
11:03So, what'll it be, beautiful?
11:06Egg cream, double syrup.
11:08You got ID?
11:12So, how'd you enjoy the giant game?
11:16It was okay.
11:18Okay?
11:20Okay?
11:20Today, football is the greatest game ever invented.
11:25A classic confrontation between opposing forces, where only one team may stand victorious
11:31at the battle's end.
11:33Now tell her about the beer commercials.
11:36Throw it to me.
11:38What?
11:39I want to learn how to play football.
11:41Nicole, football's a game for everybody.
11:44Yeah.
11:44Go deep.
11:45And I'll throw you one.
11:47Why the sudden interest in sports, Nicole?
11:50It's not sudden, Judge.
11:52Sports are my thing.
11:53I'm a natural athlete.
11:57Does this have something to do with your new little brother?
12:00Who?
12:01Ben?
12:03Oh, you mean, the kid who, when he's not spending every minute as my dad's total center
12:07of attention, has to follow me everywhere, and come into my room without knocking, and
12:12whatever I'm eating has to have a taste of.
12:14Is that who you mean?
12:15Is it?
12:16Uh, yeah.
12:19Yeah, that sounds like a little brother, all right.
12:22Nicole, it's the law of families.
12:25Little brothers love big sisters.
12:28Well, is it the law of families that my dad seemed to be having more fun with Ben
12:31than they ever had with me?
12:33Ah, nice pass.
12:39Judge, I think my dads would rather have had a boy.
12:52What are you drinking, Nicole?
12:57Hey, Nicole, we just found out someone's been keeping a secret all weekend.
13:01Ben?
13:01What?
13:02Ben's got a birthday coming up this Saturday, huh?
13:04Wasn't gonna tell us, but we tickled it out of all.
13:08Now what we gotta do is find a place we can throw a party that happens to have ice cream
13:12and cake and a newsstand.
13:15I'm not wearing no funny hat.
13:18This is gonna be the best birthday you ever had, Ben.
13:21Anything you want.
13:23You're right.
13:26So, fellas, don't you think it would be a good idea to leave Ben down here with us
13:33and have that talk with Nicole?
13:36Yeah, sure.
13:37That would be a good idea.
13:38Another good idea would be what talk?
13:41The one that starts with, honey, you think we've been neglecting you?
13:52Boy, this parent stuff never quits.
14:03Why don't you just admit it?
14:05You'd rather have a boy than me.
14:07Hey, how could you even think that, Nick?
14:10Nicole.
14:13We don't care what you are.
14:15You're you.
14:17We've always thought of you as you.
14:20What put this idea in your head?
14:22Oh, I don't know.
14:23Maybe an entire weekend of you two having the time of your lives playing football and Ben Ball.
14:30Ben Ball was your idea.
14:32And you came up with Volley Ben.
14:35Face it.
14:37You two had more fun throwing around that little boy for the past two days
14:41than you've had with me since I've been here.
14:44You want us to throw you around?
14:46Yes.
14:48Why does she not strike me as a throwing around type?
14:52You know, ever since the day that you arrived here,
14:54we've always thought of you more as a young lady.
14:56You know, not a little girl.
14:58So if we've done something to make you feel bad, we don't mean it.
15:03Sweetheart, you're our daughter. You belong to us.
15:06And that separates you from everybody else in the world.
15:10I'm sorry we missed you throwing around years.
15:13And if we've been showing Ben a little bit too much attention, then we feel terrible.
15:19How terrible?
15:21How terrible?
15:22How terrible do you feel?
15:25As terrible as you want us to feel.
15:26How terrible you want?
15:29Well, I think I'm going to need you to feel really bad and really guilty and be very, very forgiving
15:37the next time I do something really wrong.
15:42And that would be when?
15:44It wasn't my idea. It was Anita's stupid idea.
15:46See, I told her if I just came out and asked for the concert, I wouldn't get it.
15:49So she said, ask for the brother and you'll get the concert.
15:52So he asked for the brother and I got what I asked for, but it wasn't what I wanted.
15:55How mad are you?
15:59Mad. Very mad.
16:00What did she do?
16:00I don't know.
16:04So you, you saying you wanted to go to a concert so you exploited the fact that you're an only
16:09child to make us feel bad?
16:11Worked like a charm too.
16:15You going to throw me around now?
16:17No, I'm here just to talk.
16:19You talk and I'll run.
16:22I swear, I'll never ask for anything. I'll never do it again.
16:25You know, Joey, on one hand, I have this terrible guilt about making Nicole feel bad.
16:36And on the other hand, you know, I got this terrible anger about her making us feel bad.
16:43So, I tell you, we're even.
16:46We're even.
16:50So that's it?
16:51I get to live?
16:55Yeah, you get to live, but that's far from it.
16:57Nicole, you manipulated us.
16:59That's not the way to deal with parents.
17:01We don't manipulate you.
17:05Sorry.
17:07You going to punish me?
17:09This is beyond punishment.
17:11Yeah, it's not enough to just apologize to us.
17:14I mean, there's somebody else we've got to figure into this.
17:17Somebody who would love the chance to really be a brother.
17:21Or a son.
17:22Ben is here because we love you enough to try and give you everything you want.
17:27Now, how do you think we ought to handle him?
17:40Oh, that's very nice.
17:43What is it?
17:46What is it?
17:47Judge.
17:50See, it starts off as a robot.
17:51You twist this.
17:53You turn this and pow!
17:54It's a lunar rocket launcher.
17:56So when the aliens invade, you just flip this thing out here and those laser cannons pop out and...
18:01Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
18:04-do-do-do-do-do-do.
18:05Will Ben ever get to play with it?
18:08Yeah.
18:09We got one for Joey, too.
18:11Thanks, guys.
18:12I got you something, too.
18:14It's a savings bond.
18:16You open this.
18:18You unfold this.
18:20And in six years, it turns into 50 bucks.
18:24Ah!
18:26This is so great.
18:28You didn't have to do this, you know.
18:30We got one more, Ben.
18:32This one's from Nicole.
18:33This is the best one.
18:37But you haven't even opened it yet.
18:39You didn't have to give me anything.
18:40If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here.
18:46Tra-la-la-boosti-ay!
18:49It's Ben's nice birthday.
18:51All his friends are here.
18:53Plus, I got Ben's cake right here.
18:56Yay!
19:00Yay!
19:01Happy birthday, Ben.
19:02Hey, nine years old.
19:04Yep, he's getting to be a big boy.
19:09May I be excused, please?
19:11What do we say?
19:13Wait!
19:18Sometimes a little boy just needs his big sister.
19:30You're missing the cake.
19:33Klobicki makes a real good football cake.
19:35And he probably has a real good football story to go with it.
19:38He tells me football stories all the time.
19:41I don't know what he's talking about.
19:43I'm nine.
19:44I'm nine.
19:45So?
19:46That means I'm not even eight anymore.
19:49So?
19:50Nobody's going to want me now.
19:53What do you mean?
19:54You're terrific.
19:56It's just like the O'Donnells.
19:58The last family I lived with.
20:00Things are really good there.
20:01But they want a baby.
20:03And I was eight.
20:04And now I'm nine.
20:06And I'm too big to take naps.
20:10You mean they didn't want you because you weren't a baby?
20:13Nobody wants a kid as old as I am.
20:16When I meet a new family, I always sit like this.
20:20When your feet touch the ground, you're unadoptable.
20:26When my mother died, I didn't know what was going to happen to me.
20:31Then they told me I was going to go live with two guys in New York City who were my
20:35fathers.
20:36Or at least one of them was, but they weren't sure which one.
20:40I was so scared.
20:43My mother loved me my whole life.
20:45I was just hoping these guys might like me a little.
20:49How old were you?
20:50Twelve.
20:51It was just a few months ago.
20:53You're really lucky.
20:56Sometimes I forget that.
20:59There they are.
21:01Hey.
21:01Got tired of waiting for you down there.
21:03Figured we'd bring the party up here.
21:06I think the kid and I are going to go for a walk in the park.
21:09We're a lot alike.
21:11We have a lot to talk about.
21:14Come on, Hawth.
21:24I'll take two cards.
21:26Okay.
21:27How many do you want, Nicole?
21:29I'll take five.
21:30She can't take five cards.
21:32She can have five cards.
21:34Then I want five cards.
21:35You can have five cards.
21:38I don't like these cards.
21:39You can have mine.
21:41Then I'm eating the pot.
21:43Hey.
21:44What are we going to do with Ben this weekend?
21:47Let's go to the Statue of Liberty and then ride the furry.
21:50We've been to the Statue of Liberty 40 times already.
21:53Yeah, but Ben never has.
21:56Come here.
21:58You can have my cards, too.
22:02Want to hear some real good news?
22:04You know, Judge, one of these days you're going to burst in here without knocking
22:07and you're going to catch one of us in a real private moment.
22:10I keep trying.
22:13What's the news?
22:14Well, I got a call from the Riverside Center.
22:17It seems the O'Donnells missed Ben very much and decided they made a mistake when they
22:21let him go.
22:22They brought him back to Connecticut and now they want to formally adopt him.
22:26He's got a full-time family now, just like you, Nicole.
22:29That's great.
22:31Yeah.
22:32He's got the big yard, the trees, the dog.
22:35Here's his address.
22:37He asked if you'd write to him.
22:39He left a message and I wrote it down.
22:44Nicole, even though I've got a new mother and father, I hope you'll still want to be
22:49my sister.
22:50Your brother forever, Oz.
22:58Who's Dia?
23:02Who's Dia?
23:14Who's Dia?
23:16Who's Dia?
23:19Who's Dia?
23:20Who's Dia?
23:23Who's Dia?
23:24Who's Dia?
23:26Who's Dia?
23:28Who's Dia?
23:28Who's Dia?
23:29Who's Dia?
23:29Who's Dia?
23:29Who's Dia?
23:35Who's Dia?
23:38Who's Dia?
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