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00:00I think it was some ancient Greek philosopher who first said that in order to be happy, you should live your life in strict moderation.
00:09That means not too much of what you do like and not too much of what you don't like, just straight down the middle.
00:13It's like this.
00:15Eat as much of your favorite ice cream as you can possibly stand.
00:19Then, when you're a scoop away from hurling, back off.
00:25Stay in the sun long enough to match toast.
00:27But hit the shade once you start to look like a killer tomato.
00:35Spend as much of your clothing budget as you can on trendy shoes.
00:38But hold off on that up-to-minute pair that'll land you in dorkville next week.
00:44Personally, I think moderation is okay, but only in moderation.
00:49The point is, to do more of what you want to do, less of what you don't want to do, and then convince your parents to let you do it.
00:56Is moderation overrated?
00:58Well, I'll let you know, because I'm about to indulge in way too much of a good thing.
01:02I'm going to watch 24 hours of total TV.
01:05Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
01:16Na-na-na-na-na-na.
01:17All right, all right.
01:47Na, na, na, na, na.
01:52Na, na, na, na, na.
01:55Just do it.
01:59Okay, thanks to Mr. Fudstein, homework is about to be as easy as watching TV.
02:06We've been assigned to study an ordinary object to figure out how to improve it.
02:10I've chosen television, natch.
02:13Mr. Fudstein says the only way to know your subject is to completely immerse yourself in it.
02:17So, in order to improve TV, I've decided to watch it for 24 hours straight.
02:22Hey, anything in the name of science.
02:24I know the ancient Greeks said all things in moderation, but that's because they didn't have remote control or cable guides.
02:30Can you imagine life in pre-TV BC?
02:32So, Dadopolis, what are we going to do tonight?
02:42Well, Sportopolis, I thought we could study astronomy for a while and then discuss philosophy until it was too dark to see.
02:50Sounds great.
02:52Or we could do some painting on this pottery.
02:55Pass me a hunk of dry bread, please.
02:58Sure, for God bless breath.
02:59Why not? There's nothing else to do.
03:04You said they were the good old days.
03:06Personally, I'm glad to be on time for the 20th century.
03:09Hi, Sam.
03:14Hey, Clarissa.
03:16So, have you figured out your school project yet?
03:18Yep, and I'm all set to watch TV.
03:20Are you sure you should keep putting this off?
03:22Who's putting it off, Sam?
03:23Watching TV is my project.
03:25You're going to improve television?
03:27I'm going to try.
03:28I figure after I watch 24 hours, I'll have a pretty good idea of what needs improving.
03:32Wow.
03:33You get to watch TV while I get to build the better vegetable.
03:36So, how's the search for the improved veggie going?
03:38Well, I figured that if I cross-pollinate a pea plant and a corn plant,
03:42I'll get square peas that don't roll around on your plate.
03:44Cool.
03:45P squared.
03:46It's a big advancement to mankind, you hear?
03:48What's with the accent, Sam?
03:49My dad's discovered country western music.
03:52He's been playing it non-stop all week.
03:54I can't get that down-home twang out of my head.
03:56I wonder what it all sounds like after 24 hours of total TV.
04:00I guess you'll know in 24 hours.
04:02So, does this mean you're not coming to the spring carnival tonight?
04:05Sorry, Sam.
04:06Schoolwork comes first.
04:08But don't you want to watch me win the pie-eating contest?
04:10Sorry, Sam.
04:11I guess you'll just have to choke down cherry pie until it comes out your nose without me this year.
04:15Okay, I'm off.
04:16I smell pies awaiting.
04:18You better get along, little doggie, because I'm headed for the big TV roundup.
04:22So long, partner.
04:26Okay, what should I watch?
04:31The Wide World of Mud Wrestling, Roadkill 911, or America's Funniest Home Shopping?
04:38Hmm.
04:39Before I make any big decisions, I better go stock up on supplies.
04:43Okay, I say we go with the leafier tree.
04:50Oh, but Marshall, don't you think a beautiful flowering tree would be nicer?
04:55Janet, I thought we agreed, right, that the bare spot in the backyard needs some shade,
04:58and a flower tree looks great for four weeks, and then I spend the rest of the season raking.
05:01Don't worry about the yard work, Dad.
05:03Clarice is very handy with the rake.
05:05I'm not too bad for the baseball bat either.
05:08Oh, Marshall, let's get the magnolia.
05:11Okay, all right, the magnolia tree it is.
05:15You'll learn to love it.
05:16Yeah.
05:17Who's gonna help with the dig?
05:18Sorry, Dad, but I'm booked.
05:20Remember, my school project.
05:21Oh, yeah, that's right, your TV thing.
05:23Well, Ferguson, that leads you.
05:25Oh, Mom.
05:26Dad, don't you remember my aching sacroiliac?
05:29Yeah, well, this would be the cure.
05:33Happy digging.
05:34Come on, Ferguson, let's get going.
05:36Oh, Clarissa, try not to sit too close to the screen.
05:39Don't worry, Mom.
05:40And come join us when you need a break.
05:45What break?
05:48Oops.
05:49Better get a move on.
05:50Don't want to miss zero hour.
05:52The future of television might just lie in my hands.
05:59Okay, supplies are stocked.
06:03I'm relaxed, yet alert.
06:05Ready and raring to go.
06:06Let the total TV marathon begin.
06:09In five, four, three, two, one.
06:14And we're off.
06:20No, no, Morsair, I didn't do it.
06:22I didn't do it.
06:23Oh, no, Morsair!
06:24Well, I've been watching TV for four solid hours now.
06:30Actually, four hours, 11 minutes, and 23 seconds, according to my total TV time meter.
06:35And I've loved every pixel of it.
06:38Well, maybe not every pixel.
06:40I've already seen 36 acts of violence,
06:43seven commercials that make drinking look cool,
06:45and more remarkable household cleaners than I ever knew existed.
06:48But the best thing I've seen all day
06:50was right outside my window during my 30-second eyestrain break,
06:54Ferguson sentenced to one afternoon of hard labor.
07:00Looking good, Ferg-fate!
07:08That makes up for all the times he's hogged the TV
07:10and kept me from my favorite shows.
07:12But, you know,
07:13starting to wonder if I even have any favorite shows.
07:16The shows look like commercials.
07:17The commercials look like shows.
07:18And if you want information,
07:20they give you infomercials.
07:21On the other hand,
07:22live TV can be pretty cool.
07:24It puts you right in the middle of the action
07:25for the Olympics, elections.
07:27Hey, it's instant history.
07:30Like, I wonder what would have happened
07:31if Paul Revere's ride had been televised live.
07:33Let's take a look at how things might have been.
07:38Paul! Paul! Paul!
07:40We're here live with local silversmith Paul Revere,
07:42who just hung one lantern in the North Church bell tower.
07:45Paul, what's your message tonight?
07:46The British are coming.
07:48The British are coming.
07:49You heard it here first.
07:50The British are coming.
07:51Thanks, Paul.
07:52Anything else you'd like to say?
07:53You're right.
07:54Oh, right.
07:54One if by land, two if by sea.
07:56Okay, fellow countrymen.
07:57That's the news.
07:58Oh, one more thing.
07:59Arm yourselves.
08:00Looks like you've got your work cut out for you.
08:02You're right.
08:03I've got a world-famous midnight ride coming up.
08:05And we'll be there with live,
08:07up-to-the-minute coverage every step of the way.
08:09Good luck, Paul.
08:10And thanks for the exclusive.
08:11Oh, remember, Sundays are savings days at Revere Silver Shop.
08:1510% off for Patriots.
08:1730 days, same as cash.
08:19This is Clarissa Darling reporting from the Old North Church.
08:22And now, back to you, George.
08:24See what I mean?
08:28I know exactly how to improve TV.
08:30Make it live.
08:31All the time.
08:32Of course, what would we do when things got boring?
08:36Hey, I'm busy, Mr. Green Jeans.
08:38Don't you knock?
08:39Hey, you're tracking mud all over my floor.
08:41You mean my floor.
08:42A couple of throw pillows.
08:43I could turn this place into something.
08:45What are you talking about, Bergface?
08:47Once you go completely insane from watching all this TV,
08:50I expect there'll be a vacancy.
08:51I've always fancied a two-room suite.
08:54Take a hike, Fergenstein.
08:56Okay, but I'll be back.
08:57Your eyes already look a little glazed.
08:59That's because they're looking at you.
09:01Anything you say, sis.
09:03Just remember Molly McGillip.
09:07Who?
09:07Never mind.
09:08Don't tell me.
09:09Well, since you asked,
09:10Molly McGillip of Eugene, Oregon.
09:12She holds the world's record for continuous TV watching.
09:15So what?
09:15So she went completely nuts.
09:17They had to drag her away from the television
09:18when she claimed to be Pat Sajak's wife
09:20and can only communicate by singing Babaloo.
09:22Like I might believe that.
09:24Fine.
09:24Keep watching.
09:25We'll have to put you in the basement,
09:27feed your yogurt,
09:28until the men in white coats haul you off to the funny farm.
09:30Can't wait.
09:31I'll see you there.
09:32Now get out.
09:37Great.
09:38I already missed 11 and a half seconds of total TV.
09:40I wonder if Madame Curie had to deal with annoying little brothers.
09:44It's so flavorful.
09:50Okay.
09:52We're now six hours deep into total TV.
09:54So far, I've changed the channel 1,739 times.
09:59And the only thing I know for sure
10:00is that there's plenty of room for improvement.
10:03Like there should be a two-minute warning sign
10:05before each commercial break
10:06so you can get ready to make a sandwich.
10:07And for each gratuitous babe in a bikini,
10:10they should show Jason Priestley on a motorcycle.
10:12I think I'm on my way to a scientific breakthrough.
10:16Clarissa, calm down and join us.
10:17Will it still light out?
10:20That's a good idea.
10:22I am getting a bit of cabin fever.
10:25I'll be right back.
10:28Oh, Clarissa, I'm glad you decided to join us.
10:30Beta Sunshine doesn't have to get in the way
10:32of scientific research, Mom.
10:33You're gonna watch out here?
10:35You can't expect me to just interrupt my project.
10:37If I don't watch continuously,
10:38my research will be flawed.
10:40Well, maybe the scientist could use a glass of lemonade.
10:43Thanks, Mom.
10:47What do you want this, Dad?
10:48Ah, thanks, Ferguson.
10:49You can leave it right there.
10:50Oh, thanks.
10:56Stay right where you are, sis.
10:57And if there's anything I can get you,
10:59please don't hesitate to ask.
11:00I want to make your last few moments of sanity
11:02as comfortable as possible.
11:04I have an idea.
11:05Why don't you chew on some tinfoil?
11:08Look what I just happened to have found.
11:10You might want to take a look at this.
11:11Look at page 47.
11:12I highlighted the good parts.
11:14TV overload psychosis?
11:16The major warning signs?
11:18It's a well-documented phenomenon,
11:19yet, lamentably, there's still no cure.
11:23It's because they're still looking for the cure
11:24for toxic Ferg breath syndrome.
11:26Hey, look, it's the 24-hour weather channel.
11:35Is it nature the best?
11:36Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
11:42We're now approaching hour number 14 of total TV.
11:46My biggest discovery so far?
11:48It's not as much fun as I thought it would be.
11:50There's no real give and take between you and the TV,
11:53except it's giving me a headache.
11:54Search dominated.
11:56Hey.
11:56Talk about what...
11:57What's going on?
11:58The channels are changing on their own.
12:00They're freaking out.
12:01They're freaking me out.
12:02the first irreversible sign of tv overload psychosis is audio and visual hallucinations
12:12specifically delusions of involuntary channel changing this is easy to cure i'll just shut it
12:20off
12:20second symptom hearing the tv after you shut it off
12:31i can't believe this 10 hours left i must go on i can't go on i will go on got to continue in the
12:42name of science even if total tv drives me totally crazy
12:47it's 2 a.m do you know where your children are
13:02this concludes the late late late late late show
13:07hi kids welcome to sunrise schoolhouse
13:15oh no not that channel changing thing again at least we're winding down
13:31i think it's time for an extra special total tv update
13:35viewer discretion advised
13:37late yesterday afternoon mom and dad planted their tree right on schedule
13:42saturday at 6 35 30 central
13:45will their little tree survive stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion
13:54mom's not a tree doctor but she's been playing one in the kitchen
13:57her special health formula has a secret ingredient
14:01guess what meanwhile on a network all his own
14:05ferguson's developed a sudden interest in electronics
14:07he's also got blueprints of my room
14:10why does he think he can take it over
14:12this is one spin-off series that gets two thumbs way down
14:15as for me i'm showing all the classic symptoms of tv overload psychosis
14:20if i don't do something fast my signals may wind up permanently scrambled
14:24hi sam
14:27hi clarissa
14:30hi clarissa
14:31hi hillary
14:32we wanted to be at the finish line
14:34yeah so when do we start the countdown
14:36according to my total tv time meter
14:38let the countdown begin
14:40five
14:41four
14:42three
14:43two
14:44one
14:44yes
14:45congratulations
14:47so how do you feel champ
14:48like molly mcgillop after they hauled her off
14:51molly who
14:52guys do i look funny to you
14:54you mean like foes of the clown
14:56yeah funny haha or funny weird
14:58funny i'm completely loony
15:00you're not loony
15:01you've just been up all night
15:02it's hard to concentrate when the channels won't stop changing
15:06yeah that's weird
15:07you mean it's not just me
15:09wait watch what happens when i turn it off
15:11where's all that tv noise coming from
15:17you mean you hear it too
15:19hey it's coming from the speaker
15:25the speaker
15:27that's great
15:29why it's annoying
15:30but it means i'm not crazy
15:32i thought it was just in my head
15:34but now i see
15:35it was just across the hall
15:36what are you talking about clarissa
15:37come on
15:38i'll show you what i mean
15:39it's a bad james bond movie to me
15:50burrograms been trying to convince me my brains are scrambled by scrambling the tv
15:54the sickest part is i almost fell for it
15:57come on
15:58now you are just in a weakened state from pulling an all-nighter
16:03burgface is the one that's gonna be in a weakened state when i get through with him
16:06so what are you gonna do
16:08what any self-respecting sibling would do
16:10strike back
16:11but don't break it your school project
16:13don't worry it's all part of the big picture
16:15i'm going to improve television and the quality of my life in one stroke
16:19here's my idea
16:20oh hi clarissa
16:30hi mom
16:31why are you carrying that tv around
16:34you're not still watching are you
16:35no the viewing's over
16:37but i'm carrying it around to
16:38well
16:39get a feel for it
16:41the rest of this tv thing
16:43why didn't you come outside with your father and me for a little while huh
16:46i'd like to mom
16:48but i can't interrupt my regularly scheduled programming
16:50okay dear
16:52and now here's johnny
17:01sis please have some juice you're looking very peaked
17:07it's not just for breakfast anymore
17:09oh and could you please pour a glass for my friend mr tv too
17:13sure
17:14it's nice to have friends when you're crazy
17:18so should we call the linny vignette
17:20call now
17:21only 2.99 for the first minute
17:2350 cents for each additional minute
17:24really sis
17:25tell me more
17:27please stand by
17:28this is a test
17:29this is only a test
17:30that's beautiful
17:33i'm so happy for you sis
17:34if you act now
17:35while supplies last
17:36you'll receive this free commemorative liberace plate with your order
17:39yeah right
17:40a liberace plate
17:41that sounds great
17:42i'll take a dozen
17:43and your room
17:44yes and thanks for playing
17:46we have some lovely parting guests for our runners up
17:48that's very interesting
17:50but hold that thought
17:51i've done it
17:53ferguson w dario's super genius
17:56super idiots more like it
18:02now that the bases are loaded
18:04i think it's time to knock ferg base out of the park
18:07help somebody help
18:12ferguson
18:14help
18:14get me out of here
18:15what
18:17where are you
18:18here
18:19where
18:20here
18:21lower stupid
18:23how'd you get on tv
18:26i'm not on it i'm in it
18:28get me out of here
18:29what is this
18:31hi clarissa
18:35hi sam
18:37how's it going
18:38hey where's clarissa
18:40uh nowhere
18:40see ya
18:41help sam
18:42i'm trapped
18:43clarissa
18:47what are you doing in there
18:50i don't know
18:51and i don't know how to get back
18:52i pressed the dial
18:53and i got dubbed
18:54help me
18:55oh please
18:56spare me
18:56this is clearly a videotape
18:58but there's no tape in there
19:00what do you mean
19:01there's gotta be a tape in there
19:03and how do you think i can answer you
19:05hmm techno weenie
19:06hey
19:07hey
19:08that feels weird
19:09ferguson stop
19:10hey don't just sit there and do something
19:12my pixels are starting to go fuzzy
19:14that best friend
19:16lost in tv land forever
19:18help me
19:19i'll never watch tv again
19:20if you just get me out of here
19:22this is stupid
19:23this is stupid
19:23i'm turning it off
19:25don't touch a dial
19:25i may never come back
19:27don't do it ferguson
19:29how can you cancel your own sister
19:31somebody do something
19:33i didn't do this
19:35she's the one that watched too much tv
19:36you can't pin this on me
19:38it's not my fault
19:39you drove her to this ferguson
19:41you can't prove anything
19:43the coast is clear
19:47you did great
19:49it worked
19:57he's totally great
19:59the tv snow was a great effect
20:01i guess all those years in the av squad
20:02finally paid off
20:03yeah and the attic is a great tv studio
20:05you should have seen ferguson's face
20:08yeah the one time i wanted to see ferguson's mug
20:11i missed it
20:12dad tv is a powerful medium
20:16in the wrong hands
20:17it could be extremely dangerous
20:18forget it ferguson
20:20we're not gonna take away
20:21clarissa's tv privileges
20:22just because she tricked you
20:23tom
20:27bless you
20:28i can't believe i'm allergic
20:29to magnolia blossom
20:31i know we should have gone
20:32with the elm tree
20:32sam
20:35peas on the cob is much better
20:37than square peas anyway
20:37and all it took was hard work
20:39discipline
20:40and a little crazy glue
20:41it's one small bite for man
20:43one giant meal for mankind
20:44say sport
20:45how'd your project go
20:46here i'll show you
20:48thanks but
20:54no thanks
20:55i've had all the tv
20:56i can stomach for a while
20:57oh come on ferguson
20:58let's have a look
20:59besides this isn't regular tv
21:01it's new and improved
21:03interactive clarissa vision
21:04hi
21:07and welcome to un tv
21:09after an intensive analysis
21:11of the value of tv
21:12i decided it would be
21:13a lot more fun
21:14if we could interact with it
21:15what did you think of that
21:16clarissa
21:17believe it or not
21:18ferguson provided the inspiration
21:20i just want you to know
21:21i didn't believe your child's
21:22prank for a minute
21:23interacting with your tv
21:25is easier than you think
21:26ready
21:27okay
21:28here's interactive tv exercise
21:30number one
21:30first
21:31hold up your remote
21:32good
21:34next
21:34aim it directly at the screen
21:36in front of you
21:37now you got it
21:38and for the third
21:39and most important step
21:41locate the power button
21:42and click it off
21:43bye
21:44tv or un tv
21:48that is the option
21:50na na na na na
21:57na na na na
22:01na na na na
22:05na na na na
22:09all right
22:11na na na na na
22:14na na na na
22:17hey
22:19na na na na
22:21na na na
22:26Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
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