The stand up comic, actress, and “Chappelle's Show" performer gives her signature hot takes regarding the life and times of a modern comedian.
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#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #dominiquewitten #dominiquewittencomedy #dominiquewittenstandup
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00:05Please welcome from Washington, D.C., Dominique!
00:28Chicago!
00:33How y'all doing?
00:36Y'all look good.
00:38We at the Victor Night.
00:40This is a nice building, huh?
00:42It's allergic to elevators, though.
00:45Damn.
00:46I almost died getting to the stage.
00:49I need to work out more, that's all.
00:52Because the older you get, you know you got to work out more.
00:55You don't have a choice because you want to age well.
00:58You don't want to age back.
01:00I saw an old lady today.
01:01She was walking like this.
01:03She couldn't even cross the street because she was bent over.
01:07She was getting ready to run through the red light.
01:09I said, ma'am, the light is red.
01:11She said, it damn sure enough is, ain't it?
01:14And I thought she was being lazy, right?
01:16So I tried to push her up.
01:18She was like, ha!
01:19I said, okay.
01:20I'm just making sure you're not being lazy because I know you're not walking like this.
01:26I said, no, I don't want God to give me that.
01:28I lose a few fingers first.
01:30I can wave at you like this right here.
01:33I can't.
01:34I don't want to walk.
01:35That's why I go to the gym.
01:36At least once a month to stave that on.
01:40I don't go often, but I try.
01:43I do.
01:44I try to work out, but it's hard.
01:46I got the whole outfit and everything.
01:49I do.
01:50I look like a workout guru.
01:52But every time I get dressed and get ready to go, I get tired.
01:57I said, this the devil making me tired.
02:00He gotta be the damn devil making me tired.
02:03Then I get to the gym sometime and I just like, you know what?
02:06I just point at the stuff I'm going to do when I come back next week.
02:11I said, I'm not getting on this stuff today.
02:15And the people in the gym, they ask me, why you not working out?
02:18I said, cuz it said don't get on it if you're dizzy.
02:20I was dizzy when I left out.
02:23So why in the hell would I not follow the instructions and get on the thing?
02:28I want to be a smooth old lady.
02:30And you know when you see a smooth old lady.
02:31Cuz she stand out to you.
02:34She be walking down the street like this.
02:36You be like, how you doing?
02:37I'm alright.
02:38How you young ladies doing?
02:41That's how she walk.
02:43About 80 years old.
02:45Killing the game.
02:46But this right here?
02:47Hell no.
02:49I don't want that.
02:50That's why I keep going to the gym once a month.
02:54But everything change the older you get.
02:56Like when you get in your 40s, everything change.
02:58Like I can drink a little bit.
03:00But I can't drink like I used to drink.
03:03When you get in your 40s, you can't get pissy drunk.
03:06You can have a few sips.
03:08Most of the time you're on medication by then any damn way.
03:13You sip some of the punch.
03:15You be like, ooh, what was in that?
03:17If I fall out, y'all call the ambulance.
03:20Don't let me just die.
03:22You can't drink like that.
03:24Like when you were in your 20s.
03:26Hey, try it.
03:28Get pissy drunk tonight.
03:30Your head's still going to be hurting on Tuesday.
03:34You're going to be calling your friends.
03:36I'm like, yeah, it's still throbbing right here back in the corner.
03:39If it don't stop throbbing, I'm going to have to call Dr. Cornell.
03:43And your friends, they ain't no help.
03:46Because they like, yeah, you need to call the doctor.
03:49Because the same thing happened to Sheila and she had a stroke.
03:52Why would you say something like that?
03:54I didn't ask you that.
03:55Why would you say something like that?
03:57But let me get dressed and get to the emergency room
04:00before I fall the hell out of there.
04:03You can't.
04:04You can't even smoke.
04:05Like, you know, I don't mind smoking a little bud sometimes.
04:08But I don't even really smoke.
04:09Yeah?
04:12I don't mind that sometimes.
04:13It's okay.
04:14But not like when I was 20.
04:16I can't do it.
04:17Especially not that lime green weed.
04:20I'd be too paranoid off that weed.
04:23I smoked that weed one time.
04:24I couldn't even cross the street.
04:26I was so high.
04:27Because every time I got ready to cross,
04:30I thought I saw a car come.
04:32I did.
04:33I kept looking.
04:35Then I stepped back.
04:37I said, what the hell is going on here?
04:39Then I look again.
04:41Then I step back.
04:42I did that so many times,
04:44I looked like I was jumping double-dutch.
04:47I said, no, I can't mess around like this.
04:51I stayed on the corner for 30 minutes.
04:54I had to ask somebody.
04:56I said, I know I'm grown, but could you watch me cross the street?
05:02And I don't know what he took, because I looked behind me.
05:05He was doing the same damn thing.
05:08I said, this is ridiculous.
05:11Even the people at the light in their car, they was like, you can go.
05:15I said, no, you go ahead.
05:17I've seen this before.
05:19I ain't going to let you voluntarily run me the hell over.
05:23Ain't going to happen.
05:25Yeah, I smoke a little bit of weed or something.
05:28Every once in a while, but I ain't going to do cocaine or nothing like that.
05:31That's just, I don't even know how people get down like that.
05:34My cousin, he stayed with me.
05:35He do a little cocaine.
05:37I don't like it, because he be walking around.
05:40They can't hold steel.
05:41He be tweaking and geeking.
05:43He dancing.
05:44Ain't even no music on.
05:48He in the room pointing at the TV like he at the club.
05:51Look, what's up?
05:54I said, that's the news.
05:58They can't hear you.
06:00That's the weatherman.
06:03I can't.
06:04They can't sleep.
06:05They ain't going to tell me you should try it.
06:07I said, hell no.
06:08If I'm going to walk around all night long, I might as well go to the gym.
06:13If I'm going to walk around all night long, that ain't my kind of high.
06:17Can't sleep.
06:18He going to wake me up at 5 o'clock in the morning one morning.
06:21I'm suicidal.
06:26I said, okay.
06:29Well, you know better than me if you ready to go or not.
06:33I said, I have supported you in everything you tried to do.
06:37So if you ready to go by all means.
06:40You've been getting high for about 50 years, so it might work.
06:45You know, don't get me wrong.
06:46I'm sensitive to suicide.
06:48Don't get me wrong.
06:49But just not with him.
06:51Because every time he don't have no money to get high, he ready to die.
06:55So I'm tired of him playing these games.
06:58So I told him, go ahead and do it.
07:00He going to tell me, that ain't nothing you tell nobody that's suicidal.
07:03I said, that ain't nothing you wake nobody up and tell.
07:06I said, I was having a good dream until you woke me up.
07:12I thought I was rich.
07:14And then I saw you and I knew it wasn't the truth.
07:17I said, this ain't nothing some bullshit right here.
07:23And he going to tell me, well, yeah, I'm going to just get it done.
07:25I'm going to just go ahead and jump out your bedroom window.
07:28I said, no, you not.
07:29And had me on the first 48 trying to explain why you splatted at the bottom of my window.
07:37As good as I've been to you, why would you do something like that to me?
07:41You better go down the hall to the guest room and jump out that window.
07:46Kill yourself with some dignity.
07:47What is wrong with you?
07:50I'm going to make it look like I pushed you.
07:53So he's just sitting there.
07:55He's looking.
07:56Never mind.
07:57Never mind.
07:58I don't want to do it.
07:58I don't want to do it.
07:59You done messed it all up.
08:01I said, did I really?
08:03Yeah, you done messed it all up.
08:04It's supposed to be serene.
08:06Then you get to talking this foolishness.
08:07I don't even want to do it no more.
08:09I said, okay.
08:10Well, I'm hungry.
08:11You want something to eat?
08:13I said, not at all.
08:14I don't want nobody that was suicidal five minutes ago.
08:18Cooking me no damn breakfast.
08:22I come in there and eat you the poison the grits.
08:25Now we both in there like that.
08:27You'll never kill me on a humble night long.
08:31Get hot.
08:32Then he comes back in there crying.
08:36I said, well, what's wrong?
08:38I miss grandma.
08:40I said, oh, hell.
08:43I said, grandma been dead for 25 years.
08:47I said, but I tell you what, jump out that window.
08:52I bet she come round the corner.
08:55Her, Uncle Wick, Uncle Book, and the whole rest of the dead-ass family.
08:59And when you see the light, keep walking, Caroline.
09:03Don't get the backing up like the barcage.
09:07But everything changed.
09:08You got to change everything you do.
09:10Once you get in your 40s, you got to change.
09:13Because everything changed.
09:14Like, I wear glasses now.
09:16I never wore glasses before.
09:18I had 20-20 vision.
09:20But the day after my birthday, I couldn't see nothing.
09:25I couldn't even get to the bathroom.
09:27I was like the little boy in the movie, right?
09:30Mama!
09:31I couldn't see where I was going.
09:33I said, I didn't know I was going this fast.
09:35I thought I at least had a week left with my vision.
09:39But I guess I was in denial.
09:40You know, when you get to reading like this, you're in denial.
09:43I'm looking at the back of my credit card, trying to call the credit card company.
09:47I couldn't even see the number.
09:49I said, dang, they need to make these numbers a little bigger.
09:53I had to ask my nephew.
09:55I said, nephew, what that number say?
09:57He said, you can't see that big number?
09:59I said, okay.
10:01Keep laughing.
10:03All you got to do is keep living.
10:05And the number's going to shrink on you, too.
10:09So, you know, I went to the eye doctor.
10:10So I told Dr. Smith, I said, you know, my vision is blurred, you know.
10:14So she's going to tell me, okay, well, let's check your vision.
10:17Read the eye chart.
10:18So I get to the eye chart.
10:20I said, well, Dr. Smith, when y'all put the chart all the way down the hall?
10:25I can't read that chart if I had bifocals on.
10:28That's all the way at the exit.
10:30I can't see that chart.
10:31This is an insurance scam.
10:33She was like, it's always been there.
10:35I said, no, last year it was in your office.
10:39But, you know, she wanted me to read the chart.
10:41And sometimes doctors take you through unnecessary stuff.
10:45So I covered up my eyes.
10:46She started pointing at the chart.
10:48But she started all the way at the bottom.
10:50I said, Dr. Smith, you know I can't see that little W or I wouldn't be here.
10:55Just read it.
10:56I kept saying, move up, move up, move up, keep going, keep going until you get to that big kindergarten
11:04-ass A.
11:06You know I can't see them letters.
11:11And then I didn't even realize glasses cost so much.
11:14I had no idea.
11:16The frames I picked out cost $900.
11:19I said, well, what else do they do?
11:22Glasses get the book and they just jump on my head?
11:26I said, no, I can't do them.
11:28I looked in another case.
11:30Those glasses wasn't for $200.
11:31But I said, I can't wear these Shirley Chisholm glasses, Dr. Smith.
11:35You don't have no business with them in here.
11:38These should be in D.C. in the Smithsonian somewhere.
11:42This is crazy right here.
11:44That was still too much.
11:46The cheapest thing was the CNI sticks.
11:47I left like this.
11:49When I got home, my nephew said, you blind?
11:52I said, I see you.
11:54The smart of myself.
11:57Just change.
11:58Everything change about you.
11:59Like, even when I log on the computer to pay a bill, I can't remember those passwords.
12:06I can't.
12:07I got to write it.
12:08If I don't write it down, it's a wrap.
12:10I can't remember.
12:11Didn't they ask me the security question?
12:13I can't remember that either.
12:15Who was your second grade teacher?
12:17I don't know.
12:18And I don't know why I put her name down when I was filling out the application.
12:26I said, this is crazy.
12:28I tried to pay my Macy's bill online.
12:31I said, as long as it's taking me to pay this bill, I might as well drive the Macy's.
12:35I mean, I was punching in anything.
12:38Anything I could see in the box.
12:39I just punched it.
12:40Could you please give me another hint?
12:43Is it really necessary to burn gas to go to Macy's?
12:47I do this every month.
12:49Could you please help me out?
12:50And one time, they got tired of it.
12:52They just replied.
12:53They said, drive your ass to Macy's.
12:55And I said, okay.
12:57I'm going to drive the Macy's.
12:59So then I get to Macy's.
13:01And I'm in line.
13:02I'm irritated because I had to burn my gas.
13:04So I'm in line.
13:05I'm waiting.
13:06I get to the counter.
13:07Soon as I get to the counter, I give the girl my bill.
13:11And while she's processing my transaction, the first thing she says to me is,
13:15Ma'am, well, you know you can pay your bill online.
13:20I said, well, do you know the password?
13:24I said, well, why would you say that to me then?
13:27I know how I can pay my bill.
13:29Get the supervisor.
13:31Because I call the supervisor for everything.
13:34When I get upset, I call the supervisor.
13:37You ain't got to worry about that.
13:38That's my mother and me.
13:39My mother calls the supervisor.
13:41She'll say, get the supervisor.
13:42And I say, you heard her.
13:43Get the supervisor.
13:45And you better not say nothing else.
13:46Get the supervisor.
13:48So I call the supervisor.
13:50Because customer service can be poor.
13:53So I just call the supervisor.
13:54So I want the supervisor to explain to me what the problem is.
13:58And I take everything back.
13:59I got that from my wife's friend.
14:01I didn't know you could take things back after 12 years.
14:04I didn't know anything like that.
14:07I did.
14:08My friend Molly, oh, man, she had these boots about 12 years old.
14:12She said, I'm taking them back.
14:14They have a lifetime warranty.
14:15And they ripped it.
14:16And I'm not dead.
14:17I said, okay, well, I'm going to ride with you.
14:19I ain't never seen this before.
14:22After 12 years, I said, black folk can't take nothing back in about a month.
14:26They be like, no.
14:28Where did you get this receipt from?
14:31She went in there, too.
14:32She said, I need a new pair of boots.
14:34They are torn.
14:35And it said it had a lifetime warranty.
14:37I'm not dead yet.
14:38They gave her a new pair of boots.
14:40She said, you should try it.
14:42I said, no, Molly, it ain't going to work like that with me.
14:45They going to have the police escort me out of here.
14:49I do, though.
14:49I call the supervisor.
14:51Like, I went to buy some shoes maybe a couple of weeks ago.
14:55And the little guy, you know, I told him to bring me a nine and a half.
14:59He going to bring me a six.
15:02So I looked at him.
15:03I said, well, what's that for?
15:05I thought maybe you could fit it.
15:09I said, that ain't how feet work.
15:12I said, so you ain't had my size.
15:14You looked at me and decided what size I should wear.
15:17I said, that ain't how feet work.
15:20Well, can I get you another shoe?
15:21I said, you can get me the supervisor.
15:24You can get me the supervisor because there's something wrong with you.
15:28So when the supervisor came out there, I said, you know what?
15:31He don't need to be working during the day.
15:34He need to be working at night doing inventory.
15:37I said, because I knew something was wrong with him when I walked in here and he was going like
15:41this.
15:49I knew he had an issue there.
15:52I do.
15:53I called the supervisor.
15:54I went to Wendy's to get something to eat.
15:56And the little girl, she, at the cash register, she couldn't even take my order.
16:00Her eyelashes were so heavy, she couldn't even see the keypad.
16:04I walk up in there, may I help you?
16:07Like she killing the game.
16:09May I help you?
16:12I mean, like she sexy.
16:13May I help you?
16:15Oh, let her burger join.
16:17I said, where are the whites of your eyes at?
16:20You at work.
16:21You know, all overdressed in the face.
16:24I mean, face just overdressed.
16:27You know what I'm saying?
16:29Looked like Diana Ross from the movie Mahogany in the face.
16:33With khakis and a t-shirt on.
16:35I was like, what is wrong with you?
16:38Ma'am, I can see you.
16:39I said, no, you can't.
16:41And don't get me wrong.
16:42Don't get me wrong.
16:44I'm saying, don't get me wrong.
16:45Our lashes are fine.
16:47You just got to wear them appropriately.
16:49They shouldn't be so long I can roll my weed up in the last.
16:54I ain't supposed to bend your head over.
16:56Say, bend your big head over and let me roll this weed up.
16:59Oh, big head self.
17:01Stand up there with an attitude.
17:02Ma'am, I can see you.
17:04So I close my eyes.
17:05I say, can I see you?
17:07I don't know what you can see.
17:09Yes, you do.
17:10And you being sassy.
17:11I would smack you.
17:13But y'all don't fight.
17:14Y'all shoot.
17:14So I'm going to leave you alone.
17:17You never kill me and post it on Facebook.
17:21Mess with me at work.
17:22See what I do.
17:26Now I'm going to leave you alone.
17:27Because these kids crazy.
17:29I'm telling you.
17:31So she was like, ma'am, I don't have to take this.
17:33I said, I'm just telling you, you look crazy.
17:35If somebody robbed a joint, you would never know what happened.
17:39You in here with your eyes closed.
17:40Where everybody go?
17:41They pulled the pistol out.
17:43They ran.
17:45Ma'am, I don't have to take this.
17:46What would you like to order?
17:47I said, I'd like to order the supervisor.
17:49That's what I'd like to order.
17:52For one of them lashes fall in my food.
17:54Now choke on the way home.
17:57And she going to walk out with her big head ass.
17:59I said, I know you can't see.
18:02Supervisor came out there.
18:03I said, you got her on the wrong operation.
18:06You need to have her on fries.
18:09An operation where she can open her eyes up.
18:12I bet she opened them big lashes up when that grease get to poppin'.
18:16I bet she opened her eyes and she was like, ah!
18:20But at least she young, you know.
18:23She was young, so she got time to get it right.
18:26I don't worry about the women my age.
18:28You already losing your vision at a rapid rate.
18:31Why would you glue it down like that?
18:34You don't never know what's going to cut off.
18:37Here you are.
18:37My cousin, 50 years old.
18:38I'm ready.
18:40I said, look at her and them big ass lashes.
18:42Look at her.
18:43Then when you talk to her, I can't even understand what she's saying.
18:46She be blinking so much.
18:48She's trying to talk to me.
18:49Yeah, girl.
18:50And he told me that he was going to pay the money.
18:53And I said, when you going to pay me the money then?
18:56And he said, I don't know when I'm going to pay you the money.
18:59She said, what's wrong?
19:00I said, I can't even understand what the hell you're saying.
19:03You done messed my equilibrium up.
19:06You're going to have to email me because I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
19:10Am I blinking the light?
19:12Yes.
19:1399 blinks in one sentence, that's a lot.
19:16Then she did like this.
19:18I said, now you look like you're trick-or-treating now.
19:21That ain't no better.
19:23But don't get me wrong, you know.
19:25Ain't nothing wrong with it.
19:27You just got to weigh it right.
19:28But it's a lot of things I don't understand that women do that are getting old.
19:32Like, I don't understand high, high heels.
19:35They have very, very nice small heels.
19:41You don't have to wear this high, high heel and kill yourself.
19:45I don't get it.
19:46They got sexy heels.
19:48They are really nice.
19:49Because you can't wear these high heels because you can't afford to fall.
19:55These ain't your falling years.
19:57You ever been in your 40s and almost fail?
20:01You be like, oh, my God.
20:03Thank you, Jesus.
20:05Lord have mercy.
20:06I damn near killed myself.
20:09Get the supervisor over here.
20:11So he can mop this mess up.
20:13Get the supervisor over here.
20:15Y'all go ahead.
20:16Let me catch my breath.
20:18You get to dusting yourself off.
20:19You ain't even fail yet.
20:20I almost messed my outfit.
20:23And, you know, some women can weigh them.
20:26You know, some women can rock them.
20:29They can just flat out rock the heels.
20:31But most of us can't weigh them.
20:33And I don't even know why heavyset women try.
20:36What you doing?
20:38What is your mission?
20:39You're already carrying around 250 pounds.
20:43Why would you put it on stilts?
20:47Why would you do that?
20:49They don't even look right on us.
20:52We walking in the shoes.
20:53Heels just leaning.
20:56Heels ain't even straight up.
20:57They leaning.
20:58And you think you look sexy.
21:00This ain't sexy.
21:01And all the men, they laughing.
21:03They like, look at big girl.
21:04Look at big girl.
21:05You walking.
21:06Look at big girl.
21:06You think you killing the girl.
21:09And the heels just dying underneath you.
21:13Some stuff we can't do.
21:14You know, you got some girths.
21:16You can't do it.
21:17And most of us can't weigh them, though.
21:19A lot of women can rock them.
21:20But most of us can't weigh them.
21:22And you know you can't weigh them.
21:24Because your feet hurt so bad,
21:25you can't even walk with your man.
21:27Y'all leaving the concert or something,
21:29your feet hurting so bad,
21:31your man halfway to the car.
21:32Here you come.
21:33Hold up, bae.
21:35Bae, hold up, bae.
21:36Bae, feet killing you.
21:38Hold up, bae.
21:40Your baby tore on Tabasco sauce.
21:42Hold up, bae.
21:43And he mad.
21:44He like, I told you not to weigh in front of Gideon.
21:49Can't weigh in.
21:51Feet killing you.
21:51Then you end up taking them off.
21:53Now you walking home like a truck drive.
21:55Now you ain't sexy at all.
21:57You got runs in your stock.
21:58You're like, here I come.
22:00I ain't listening to Sherrin and them no more.
22:04Can't weigh the shoes.
22:05They too high.
22:07And my friends, wham.
22:09They all wham.
22:10I don't know.
22:10I tried to wham.
22:11I think they nice.
22:12But I couldn't get out of my driveway.
22:15I was walking to the car.
22:17I said, okay, I'll be right back.
22:19I know when God giving me a sign, he'll never kill me trying to go to a party.
22:25That's great.
22:28You can't wham.
22:30But we do things we can't do.
22:32And people try to wham because we look at reality TV.
22:34But what you don't realize is they got somebody that say cut.
22:39And they take their ass off.
22:42Your post office working ass falling all over the place.
22:48And my friends, wham.
22:50I was out with one of my girlfriends a couple of weeks ago.
22:53We went to this dinner theater, right?
22:55So we at the bar and we waiting to be seated.
22:59So while we standing there, she got on these high heels.
23:02We standing at the bar waiting to be seated.
23:05And I'm talking to her and I'm looking at her.
23:08And she lift one foot up.
23:10Put it down.
23:11Lift the other foot up.
23:13Put it down.
23:14Lift one foot up.
23:16Put it down.
23:17Lift the other foot up.
23:18Put it down.
23:19And I said, what's wrong with your coochie itch?
23:21What's wrong with it?
23:23I said, you act like your coochie itch.
23:25I thought she had got hold of something bad.
23:27You know what I'm saying?
23:29She's like, no, my feet killing me.
23:31I looked down at her feet.
23:33The baby toe had left the whole shoe.
23:35The baby toe was on the coffin.
23:38I said, the baby toe said, I'm turning purple.
23:40I got to save myself.
23:43Baby toe just on the coffin.
23:46Too high in the head.
23:48And always falling off.
23:50My friends always falling.
23:51Want to grab me.
23:52Don't grab me.
23:53I'll help you up.
23:55But you're going to hit the ground by your damn self.
23:57I bet you won't wear them shoes no more.
24:00Can't wear them.
24:02They too high.
24:03I even tried to get a pair of tennis shoes with the wedges in them.
24:08Because I think they are nice shoes.
24:10I think they look nice.
24:11But I'm just saying.
24:13I put them on.
24:14I think I look great in them.
24:16I thought I was killing the game.
24:18Until I walked in this store.
24:20And I walked past this mirror.
24:22I looked like I was doing the funky damn chick.
24:25And I'm looking.
24:27I said, I know damn well that ain't me.
24:29I kept walking back and forth.
24:31I said, is that me?
24:33The security guard said, that's you.
24:36I kicked him off.
24:37I said, no.
24:39This ain't right.
24:40The arches in your feet supposed to bend.
24:44They are.
24:45When the arches in your feet don't bend, you in bad shape.
24:48Ain't it mess your feet up?
24:49It set you up for your grandmother's shoes way too soon.
24:53You know what they are.
24:55Big mama's shoes.
24:56They come in three colors.
24:58Beige, black, and white.
25:02There you go.
25:04And she wearing with everything.
25:07I don't care where she going.
25:09You said, Paul's getting married.
25:10Get the white pair, honey.
25:13What do you say?
25:14Oh, you said, Tasha Dodd.
25:16Get the black pair.
25:17I'm going to wear the black pair.
25:19Oh, you said, what you?
25:20Okay, I'm going to dialysis tomorrow.
25:21Get the beige pair.
25:24I'm not wearing them damn shoes before my time.
25:31They mess your feet up.
25:32Then you fall all over.
25:34Now you're walking in a boot.
25:37Until Christmas 2020.
25:38This your look.
25:40When you going to be the wearer shoe?
25:41Don't worry about it, but I'm putting weight on it.
25:45They mess your feet up.
25:47Some of us can rock them.
25:48Don't get me wrong.
25:49But most of us, we can't wear them shoes.
25:51And men, the older y'all get, y'all think y'all age like fine wine.
25:57Y'all don't think y'all look messed up at all.
26:00Y'all think y'all just get better.
26:02And that's our fault.
26:05Because we make you believe that.
26:10But it really ain't true.
26:12We don't say no.
26:13We just look at you and laugh to the house.
26:15And we say, look at my boo.
26:18He look horrible.
26:19Look at him.
26:21We do.
26:22We don't talk about you.
26:24We just keep loving you.
26:25You know, y'all talk about us.
26:27Oh, you fat.
26:28You gain weight.
26:30You don't cook anymore.
26:32Okay, well, I ask him sometime when he say that.
26:34Where's the man on the picture over top of the fireplace?
26:38Why he don't come home no more?
26:40Where his sexy ass at?
26:42Why your bookman bodybuilder ass keep coming up in here?
26:46The man right there in the white suit.
26:48Where he at?
26:49They don't think they change.
26:51And when they gain weight, it's not the same as when we gain weight.
26:55They think they're sexy.
26:57Them big bellies, they call that love.
26:59It is.
26:59Fat love.
27:01Then some of them get fat and start being built like they mama.
27:05Get all fat up in the hips.
27:08I call it that Miss Linda body build.
27:11Build like Miss Linda.
27:13I was sitting on the couch watching a movie with my friend.
27:16He went to get some ice, right?
27:18He walking to the kitchen.
27:19I'm laughing.
27:20I'm like, look at him built like Miss Linda.
27:23He think he's sexy with them child-burned hips.
27:26I said, look at him.
27:29This I ain't walking.
27:30You want, what you want to drink, a Pepsi with them fat asses?
27:35I was cracking up laughing, right?
27:37He said, what you laughing at?
27:39I said, the movie.
27:41I thought you put it on pause.
27:43I'm laughing at the part from before this.
27:45I said, walking in there with them sexy thighs.
27:49We went over to his mother's house for Thanksgiving, so she came outside, right, to help him get some food
27:56out the car.
27:57So they walking back to the house.
27:59I'm behind him in tears laughing.
28:01I said, look at Linda Jr. and Senior.
28:03He was like, I got it, Mama.
28:05She said, I'm just trying to help you.
28:08They don't think they get fat.
28:10Them fat here.
28:12Got sexy thighs.
28:13And you talking about somebody gained weight.
28:14We need some gym memberships around here.
28:18And they don't go to the doctor.
28:20They do not.
28:21I don't know what's wrong with y'all.
28:22Y'all don't like the doctor, but it's okay.
28:25We went out to eat.
28:26He can't even order.
28:27He got to go to the bathroom.
28:29He keep peeing so much, he can't even order his food.
28:32Very few minutes with them fat hips.
28:34I'll be right back, babe.
28:36I'll be right back, babe.
28:38I said, damn.
28:39Four sips of water mess you up like that?
28:43You need to get your prostate shit.
28:46Ain't nothing wrong with me.
28:48I'm riding till the wheels fall off.
28:50I said, well, you ain't got but two wheels left.
28:54You're already on a motorcycle.
28:55You're going to just flip all the fun.
28:58I'm taking vitamins.
29:00Well, they ain't working.
29:01Then the waitress came over there.
29:03He's going to order a drink.
29:04I told the waitress, you might as well move our table by the bathroom.
29:08Because they be cleaning the kitchen by the time his pissy ass on.
29:13Keep peeing.
29:14One time we went to a wedding reception.
29:16We couldn't even hardly get to the reception.
29:18We stopping at a gas station.
29:20I'll be right back.
29:22I'll be right back.
29:23You ain't going to ask me, you thirsty?
29:24I said, no, and neither are you.
29:27They be on the damn honeymoon before we pull up.
29:29Get your pissy ass in the car.
29:34But men, they think that y'all just, y'all won't let it go.
29:38Just will not let it go.
29:40Like his hair receding.
29:41You think he'll cut it off?
29:43Men can cut their hair off.
29:44Get a bald head, look fine.
29:46Look handsome.
29:47This man got a low head cut.
29:48He's good looking.
29:49Everything.
29:50They won't do it.
29:51He keep brushing it.
29:53Keep putting grease on it.
29:55Brushing it and greasing.
29:56What that looked like?
29:57A cat licked it.
29:58That's what it looked like.
30:00You think it looked like a cat licked it.
30:04Then he go to the barbershop every week.
30:06Got an appointment.
30:07Going to get his head lined up.
30:09I said, what you lining up?
30:10Your thoughts?
30:11Because you ain't got no damn head.
30:13You must be lining up what you about to say.
30:16Because you ain't got no head.
30:19I walk into the barbershop.
30:21He in there cutting like he got an afro or something.
30:24I said, what you cutting?
30:28I said, give him his money back.
30:30Give him them balls out.
30:31And give him a peroxide pad.
30:33All them scratches in his damn head.
30:36And he sitting in there looking in the mirror.
30:38Put the mirror down.
30:40He ain't done nothing to your head but gave you good conversation.
30:44Bonehead ass self.
30:46And one time he used that black spray.
30:48You know that black spray?
30:51And I ain't knocking it.
30:52If that's what you want to use, that's fine.
30:54But he ain't walking around with me with that shit in his head.
30:57So if that's what you want to use, he going to walk in there.
30:59He knew it looked bad.
31:00He going to say, how this look?
31:05I said, how it look after you sprayed it in there?
31:08He was like, I think it's okay.
31:10I said, okay.
31:11Well, you need to get the back because you done scratched right there.
31:13Hey, it's a fingerprint right there.
31:17They going to realize that that ain't your head.
31:20They don't want to do it, though.
31:22But we don't talk about y'all.
31:24We just keep loving y'all.
31:25Through them fat hips and everything.
31:27We be like, look at my book.
31:29He done lost all his sex.
31:30Look at it.
31:31But he's a good man.
31:34I know he built like his mama.
31:36We both can shop in Lane Bryant.
31:38But that's okay.
31:41We're going to go up here and get us a pair of spanks together.
31:44We both need some spanks.
31:46I'm going to see what size you need, baby, because we need spanks.
31:52But we don't say nothing.
31:53We just keep loving y'all.
31:54When that gout foot swell up, we don't say nothing.
31:58We just go get you that stocking when you walking around like you dance.
32:04That big toe swole up.
32:06He was like, oh, my God.
32:07What is wrong?
32:09I was like, well, you going to be to go tonight?
32:11We supposed to go to this party.
32:13I'm going to be all right.
32:13If you quit talking about it, it'll stop hurting.
32:17No, if you quit eating beef, it'll stop hurting.
32:21And stop drinking beer.
32:24We damn near missed the party.
32:26It took him about nine hours to get dressed.
32:28I can hear him in the room.
32:34I'm about to go in and see.
32:39I'm going to say, you seen my other shoes?
32:41No.
32:41Put them shoes on and let's go.
32:43You can't wear them white shoes in the day of the winter.
32:46No.
32:49He was sharp, though.
32:50He came out there dragging his foot.
32:51I said, you look good.
32:53And he going to say, I'm going to drive.
32:54No, your ass not.
32:56I don't know what that foot going to do.
32:58Swell up.
32:59Go dead.
33:00You'll never run me into nothing head on.
33:03Trying to prove something.
33:05I'm going to drive.
33:07Well, let me open the door.
33:08I said, the party be over by the time you walk around the car.
33:11Get in the car.
33:14We get in the party.
33:15I know he in pain.
33:16He over at the bar where he shouldn't be.
33:19And I keep seeing him go like this.
33:22Lift his foot up.
33:23I said, boo.
33:24You're cool, Gitch?
33:25Don't play with me like that.
33:27Don't play them games with me.
33:28Play that with your friend.
33:29Don't play them damn games with me.
33:31You know my foot hurt.
33:32Don't be playing them little games with me.
33:34Everything ain't comedy.
33:35Don't play them games with me.
33:36I done came out with it.
33:37But don't talk to me like that.
33:39Don't play them games with me.
33:40Ain't no.
33:41No, no, no.
33:41Don't do me like that.
33:43So I said, okay.
33:44Well, you okay?
33:45Well, let's dance.
33:46So we went out there.
33:47He was killing it from the waist up.
33:51If you couldn't see his feet, you wouldn't be like, who is that?
33:55He wasn't moving his feet at all.
33:57Then in the middle of the song, he going to whisper to me, after this song, tell your
34:01little friends we about to leave.
34:04Because my foot killing me in this shit.
34:06Right?
34:12Y'all cool.
34:15Y'all law in Chicago.
34:26I hid my car in the ground.
34:28Y'all put on so many boots on cars out of here.
34:31The boot man making a quick killing out of here.
34:34I rode up one street.
34:36It was 45 boots.
34:37I said, damn.
34:39I was going to catch a cab, but they deranged now.
34:43The cab driver, since it's Uber out, they deranged.
34:46You're not a member of Uber.
34:48If you are, get out.
34:53See the white people in here.
34:54My white people.
34:55What's going on, white people?
34:56All right.
34:58I like when we all in here laughing and talking and kicking it together.
35:01I like that.
35:03I do, because that's how we used to be all the time.
35:05Out in the world.
35:06You know, we laughing together.
35:08We should always be like that.
35:11Damn.
35:15I do.
35:16I think we should all just get along and all.
35:18I tell you, I have a lot of white friends now, you know.
35:20I grew up in D.C., so if you know anything about D.C.
35:24D.C.?
35:25Okay.
35:27It's considered Chocolate City.
35:28Oh, it was.
35:30I went home.
35:31Now it's called Neapolitan.
35:35It ain't Chocolate City.
35:36It's Neapolitan City.
35:37But that's good.
35:39I think change is good.
35:40You know, it's okay.
35:41But, you know, so I live in L.A. now, so I have Ethan, Seth, and Molly, Jeremy, my white
35:47friends.
35:48It's cool.
35:49And, you know, I didn't grow up with a lot of white friends, so I'm learning a lot from
35:52them.
35:52And we talk.
35:54We talk about politics.
35:55We talk about everything.
35:57Stuff you wouldn't normally ask, the opposite race.
36:00But we made a bond.
36:01If I want to know something about white people, you tell me.
36:04And he said, well, if I want to know something about y'all, I said, don't call us y'all.
36:08We don't like that.
36:11You know, like, we talk about politics.
36:13Like, I ask him why he's a Republican and he work at Home Depot.
36:16I said, it don't make no sense.
36:19I said, I don't know how you're a Republican and work at Home Depot.
36:22Do you have any dreams?
36:25Because I don't know if they're going to get it done for you.
36:28You know what I'm saying?
36:30And we talk.
36:31You know, he asked me about cooking.
36:32He said, well, I want to do, like, soul food cooking.
36:35I said, okay.
36:36So I went over to his house for a barbecue.
36:38I said, all right, well, you know, what I noticed is you're not seasoning the food right.
36:42I said, you're shake wrong.
36:44I said, it's all in the shake, Jeremy.
36:46I said, y'all buy the same chicken.
36:49We buy the same chicken.
36:51I said, you're shaking like that.
36:52That's wrong.
36:54You're missing part of the meat.
36:56I said, you got to shake it like that.
36:59Slip it over and hit it again.
37:04Yeah, shake.
37:05It's all in the shake.
37:08You shake wrong.
37:09I said, and then you got to size it up.
37:11And if it ain't right, you got to shake it one more time for good measure.
37:15He's like, that's too much.
37:17We don't eat like that.
37:18We eat low cholesterol.
37:19I said, I take Lipitor.
37:20I ain't got to eat no damn low cholesterol.
37:23Much as I'm paying for this prescription, shake it again.
37:27So when they draw my blood next month, I can see if it's working.
37:32So we talk about all that kind of stuff.
37:34But when they start getting high, I go home.
37:37I don't mess around with that methamphetamine.
37:42I said, Jeremy, I smoke a little weed with you, but that methamphetamine, I said, he was like, you don't
37:49have to partake in it.
37:50You can just watch.
37:53I said, no, this don't look like a good move.
37:57I said, I don't want to see this, Jeremy.
38:00And I didn't realize that white people demand an answer.
38:03He was like, we're having a good time, and you're going to walk out on us, and that's not fair,
38:07and I need to know why you're going home.
38:10I said, Jeremy, just because it's time to go.
38:14We done had a good time.
38:15The food was good.
38:16But now it's time for y'all to party alone.
38:19That's not an answer.
38:21What changed your mind, and what made you walk out?
38:23I said, okay.
38:25I said, because I'm the only black person in here.
38:27So when y'all get to hallucinating and shit, the joke going to be on me.
38:35I said, I watch too much crime TV for this.
38:38You never chop my head off and hide it behind the grocery store somewhere.
38:43Had me on Nancy Grace.
38:47I said, no, I know when to do my best, Kenny Rogers.
38:51I know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk, know when to run.
38:56I'm running up out of here.
39:00We wouldn't do that to you.
39:01We love you.
39:01I said, I love you too, Jeremy.
39:03I'm not talking about when you sober.
39:07I'm talking about when y'all get all high up and get to pointing,
39:13and I'm in the corner, and they like, look at you over there.
39:17Get to dancing in front of you.
39:19Look at you.
39:20I'm cool, chicko, chicko.
39:22I'm going to be it, and I don't want to play.
39:27They black people, though.
39:28Do you agree?
39:28People of color?
39:30Yeah.
39:32See, she looked at her.
39:33She was like, are we?
39:34Oh, yeah.
39:36I tried to tell my Mexican friend who I hate that.
39:40He couldn't get it.
39:42He's like, you keep saying I'm black.
39:43I'm not black.
39:44I'm Mexican.
39:45I said, well, that's close enough.
39:48I said, the only difference is you eat jalapeno and you're Captain Crunch.
39:52But that's close.
39:54I saw him crush that pep up.
39:56I said, you don't need that much heat.
39:58That's why you can't lay down now.
40:00That acid reflux.
40:02He hold his head back.
40:04That match went off in your chest.
40:08Yeah, people of color, but Latino people are people of color, though.
40:12Some of them won't think so.
40:14But in this country, you are anyway.
40:16I don't care what you call it.
40:18Mexican, Puerto Rican, Jamaican.
40:22It's all the same.
40:24This country don't see nothing but us and them.
40:27And if you ain't us, you them.
40:33So if they pulled up a bus right in there and said we was going back to slavery, papa, that
40:37mean you too.
40:40Get up and head to the exit.
40:42Jamaicans, bring the weed.
40:43You come on too.
40:44Asians, bring the computers.
40:46You come on too.
40:47And a Honda Accord in case we got to drive.
40:50No, I'm just playing.
40:51Okay, I'm just playing.
40:53Y'all took it too sensitive.
40:55It's comedy.
40:57I'm just playing.
41:02I don't know.
41:04But that's why I'm just making a point.
41:06I'm just saying.
41:06We just all want people.
41:08We are, and that's how we got to live.
41:11Especially in this social media era.
41:13You know, we all want people.
41:15You got to look out for social media.
41:17Because it has its place.
41:19But I don't, you know, sometimes it's unnecessary.
41:23It's real different though with your parents.
41:26Because I try to get my father, you know, I try to teach him how to pay his bills online.
41:31Keep calling me to go get stamps and stuff.
41:34I said, Dad, you don't have to do that no more.
41:37I try to show him.
41:38I try to teach him how to pay his cell phone bill online.
41:41I left out the room.
41:42I came back in the room.
41:44He hitting the button.
41:45I said, damn, Dad, you done paid until January.
41:49I said, why you, when it said thank you for your payment,
41:52why you keep hitting the button?
41:54And he going to call me three months later.
41:55Somebody been in my account.
41:58I said, that's AT&T.
42:01Ride me down there to get my money back.
42:03I said, that ain't how this works.
42:05Just don't pay till next year.
42:08He ain't got nothing but a flip phone anyway.
42:10I said, the bill ain't but $12, Dad.
42:14You ain't got that?
42:16That ain't but $78 for the whole year.
42:19Then he got this flip phone, and he think he ain't in the game.
42:23Let me get this picture.
42:24You don't have no camera.
42:26That Motorola don't have no camera.
42:29Y'all need to move closer.
42:31It's black.
42:31It's black.
42:32Move closer.
42:33It's going to be black, Dad.
42:34He can't even get a whole phone number in that phone.
42:38He type in seven numbers and write down the other three.
42:42You won't get with it.
42:44We went to rent a car.
42:46I'm going to tell the people.
42:47He said, you need a map.
42:48He was like, yeah, yeah.
42:49He's standing there.
42:50Okay, we can go down this road right here.
42:53Then we can turn left.
42:55And then we make another right.
42:56That take us straight down.
42:57I said, no, I'm going to fly.
42:59Because the way they're building up malls and stuff,
43:02they're not even the same streets no more.
43:04The whole geographic area done changed.
43:07Funeral be over by the time we get down there.
43:10But social media is good.
43:12I just think it has its place.
43:14And I think we have to really watch our children on social media.
43:17You know, because we do.
43:23We got to watch our children on social media because, you know,
43:26their world is different.
43:28You know, we went outside to play and those kind of things.
43:31They different.
43:33You know, they got their computers, and that's okay.
43:35Their iPads.
43:36But what happens is we got to make sure they know the difference
43:39between what's real and what's not real.
43:42That's what we got to make sure they know.
43:44And if we don't help them bridge that gap, they're not going to be able to bridge.
43:48But it's hard because we're addicted to social media.
43:51So how are we going to help them?
43:54We were sitting around taking pictures all day long.
43:57Taking selfies at work.
44:02And we do it because nobody on social media is honest, if you know that.
44:06You wouldn't post another picture if people told the truth.
44:10If you posted that picture and somebody replied,
44:13I'm like, damn, move your loaf of bread head back from the can.
44:17I mean, fell out the chair scrolling through my timeline.
44:20I never realized you were that unattractive.
44:24You wouldn't post another picture.
44:26But we don't do that.
44:27We press like.
44:29And show the picture to everybody we sitting with and bust out last.
44:33Look at that outfit she got on.
44:37And then we type gorgeous.
44:42That's what we do.
44:44We wouldn't take no more pictures.
44:47And we Instagram everything.
44:49Anything.
44:49At the grocery store, Instagram and ketchup.
44:52That's going to set that hamburger off.
44:55What are you talking about?
44:57Like ketchup just came out.
44:59Why are you Instagramming that?
45:02Ketchup ain't just come out.
45:03Why are you Instagramming that?
45:06I mean, I do it too.
45:07Don't get me wrong.
45:09But I'm just saying.
45:11Take a lot of pictures.
45:12And we talk too much on social media.
45:15Tell everything.
45:16Somebody trying to kill you, you lead the killer right to you.
45:19Woo, just drop the kids off.
45:21At home, making a steak, running a bubble bath.
45:23I like being at home alone.
45:26Why would you type something like that?
45:31Asking people to pray for you.
45:32You don't even know who they worship.
45:35Pray I get this job.
45:37They like.
45:38In the name of Lucifer, please let this job fall through.
45:43Thank you in advance, Satan.
45:46You don't even know who they worship.
45:52Just got to look out for that kind of stuff.
45:55People find you on social media you ain't even looking for.
45:58It's good, but we just got to be mindful of that kind of thing.
46:02I have fun with it too.
46:04The older you get, though, you think about things differently.
46:07You know, like you got to be in good relationships.
46:10A lot of y'all couples and stuff out here.
46:13You dating?
46:14Y'all dating?
46:15How long?
46:17Two years going good?
46:19All right.
46:19Good.
46:20She was just like.
46:23I said it's going good.
46:25She was like, I mean, you know, if he said.
46:28If he said, it's good.
46:29It's good.
46:31Y'all dating here?
46:33Married, dating?
46:35Married.
46:36How long?
46:38He didn't even want me to talk to him.
46:40I looked at him.
46:43I looked at him.
46:44He was like, no.
46:47Eight years?
46:47Okay.
46:48Y'all dating here?
46:50Dating?
46:52How long?
46:54Like how many years?
46:57Too many years?
46:59Yeah.
46:59He really ain't want me to come to him because he know he on deck.
47:03About time to get that ring.
47:04Long enough.
47:06Don't wait too long, no.
47:08Get you somebody else.
47:10Yeah, you wait all your years.
47:12Then his foot get chopped off.
47:13I'm ready.
47:15I'm ready.
47:16No.
47:17I want my husband to have two feet at the wedding.
47:20And you can get him chopped off after the wedding.
47:22But I want him to have two.
47:24You just got me in a healthy relationship.
47:26Like they've been dating for two years.
47:27It's going good.
47:27How long you guys been dating?
47:28You dating?
47:29How long?
47:32Three years?
47:32I ain't going to do it.
47:33He's.
47:35Three years.
47:36She was like, three years, boo?
47:37Yeah.
47:38Y'all married?
47:40Dating?
47:41How long?
47:42Two years going good too?
47:44Yeah, you just got to take your time in relationships.
47:47You do.
47:48Ain't no need to speed.
47:49They getting to know each other.
47:50They still getting to know each other.
47:52People get to speeding in their life and rushing through your life.
47:54What you speeding for?
47:56Ain't nothing after this but a funeral.
47:58I mean, are you really there?
48:01In a hurry for a casket?
48:03What are you rushing for?
48:04You do, though.
48:05You got to get to know people in relationships.
48:07You got to get to know men.
48:09Go to his family functions.
48:11You know, make sure he okay.
48:13Make sure you not dating the run of the litter.
48:17Make sure you not dating the worst brother out of all nine kids.
48:22You walk up into the family reunion.
48:25They laughing at you.
48:26Look at her with this crazy motherfucker right here.
48:29And you think they hating on your outfit.
48:32I knew I was going to kill him in this.
48:34With your eyelashes on.
48:39No.
48:40They know he the knockout king.
48:43They don't take that medicine.
48:45Going to knock you out.
48:47But.
48:49Really.
48:50But if you date him long enough.
48:52I'm going to tell you.
48:52If you date him long enough.
48:53You're not going to have to worry about that.
48:55Because one of his sisters.
48:56They going to like you.
48:58And they going to tell the other sister.
48:59I'm going to tell her, girl.
49:00Because she don't deserve that.
49:02He ain't.
49:02You know he ain't no good.
49:04That's a nice girl.
49:05I'm going to go ahead and say something.
49:06Because that girl.
49:07He don't need to drag that girl down like that.
49:10Drag her all the way to the ground.
49:12I'm going to tell her.
49:13Because she a nice girl.
49:14Boy, meet some B and everything.
49:15That's a nice girl.
49:17And his sister walk over and tell you.
49:19She be like, come in.
49:21Did he go in the house?
49:23Okay.
49:24Because if he see me talking to you.
49:26He's going to flip the food over.
49:28I know you like my brother.
49:30But if he don't take that medicine.
49:31He's going to knock your ass out.
49:33Go right back and finish doing the electric slide.
49:38Be like I told her.
49:39So she can't say ain't nobody never told her.
49:43So if he beat her down like a dog.
49:45She can't say she ain't never heard it.
49:48I keep it nice with me when I'm around him.
49:50He's my baby brother.
49:51I don't know.
49:54He got to get to know him.
49:58Keep getting to know him.
49:59Y'all nice looking couples.
50:00But he's looking at me like, how she know me?
50:04You got to keep getting to know him.
50:07And don't fight men.
50:09We fight men.
50:10We want to hit them.
50:11Don't hit that man.
50:12I know they say they don't have, men don't have emotions.
50:15Yes, they do.
50:16And he's not going to keep going like this.
50:19Stop, stop, stop.
50:21He ain't going to keep doing that.
50:23He not.
50:24He going to hit you upside your head.
50:27And you going to be in the kitchen with your lips like this.
50:30And this ain't no time to be missing work over no foolishness.
50:34You can't work at Bank of America with your lips like this.
50:37How you going to take deposits with your lips like this?
50:41Ain't nobody going to give you they check.
50:44They going to walk in there, you and there, may I help you?
50:47I ain't going to be like, you working?
50:49Yes, I work here.
50:51Well, where is the supervisor?
50:53Because I'm not about to give you my damn check.
50:57You staying up in there.
51:00I am the supervisor.
51:02I ain't had no more leaving.
51:04Don't look at me.
51:04Look at your deposit.
51:06Need to mind this business because I ain't said nothing to her.
51:09I can't whoop him, but I bet I beat your ass.
51:16Life's good and enjoy it.
51:18We don't have but one time.
51:20So live it good and be good to people in your life.
51:23You know, so when you get older, if you happen to be blessed with a long life,
51:28people will look out for you.
51:30If you don't live a good life, they ain't looking out for you.
51:34You're going to be old in the house, just pissy.
51:38They ain't even going to change your diaper.
51:39They just going to Febreze around.
51:43I'm going to be in there smelling like doo-doo and Febreze.
51:47The kids are going to be calling you Dookie Lynn.
51:51You do.
51:51You got to live your life good.
51:53My uncle, he was a mean man.
51:55When he died, they ain't even put no outfit on him.
51:58He had on a wife beater and sweatpants.
52:01I ain't never went to a funeral and laughed walking to the cask.
52:07You know, I was surprised because I didn't know they were going to do him like this.
52:11The closer I got to the cask, I was like, what the hell is he wearing?
52:16I looked at my cousin.
52:18I said, what does he wear?
52:20My cousin was like, uh-huh.
52:23I got up there.
52:24He had on a wife beater and sweatpants.
52:26He looked horrible laid up there.
52:28And then my uncle was a big man.
52:31He was like 6'6".
52:32They ain't even put him in a big cask.
52:36They just stuffed him in a regular cask.
52:39So he wasn't laying flat like everybody else.
52:42He was at an angle.
52:44He looked like a Heisman Trophy laid up in there.
52:49He had tape on his glasses and everything.
52:52He looked bad.
52:53And when you viewed the body, he looked like he was looking over his shoulder like, man, get away from
52:57me.
52:59When they closed the cask, you could still see his elbow and everything.
53:04That's what I'm trying to tell you.
53:05He look bad.
53:07You don't want to look bad like that.
53:09You got to live your life good.
53:11And take care of yourself so you can get long life.
53:15You do, but you got to get checkouts.
53:17I don't care if my pinky finger hurt.
53:19I go to the doctor.
53:21So at least if I got a little bit of time to live, they going to tell me.
53:25And I can call my friends and say, let's party.
53:27They said, I got to till next month.
53:30You know, and I have one of them in a social club.
53:33And one of my friends in the social club, he need to go to the dentist and he won't go.
53:37So we sitting there talking one day.
53:39We eating.
53:40He bit a piece of bread and his tooth fell out.
53:42I said, dang, I ain't never seen that before.
53:46He said, I don't know why they falling out.
53:48I said, it ain't because they don't like your mouth no more.
53:52I said, you need to get your sugar checked.
53:55I'm scared of the dentist.
53:56I said, well, your mouth going to scare the dentist too.
53:59But he going to help you.
54:02When you go in there, he going to say, okay, let me go to my car and get my tools
54:05out my trunk.
54:07Because I need to get the tools.
54:08I work with my transmission to work on your gate mouth.
54:13But he don't do nothing about it.
54:15And it was his front tooth that fell out.
54:17Now the front teeth in your mouth, that's the mother and father of your mouth.
54:22So once they start leaving, it's just a matter of time for the whole rest of the family to scatter
54:27all over the damn place.
54:31He act like he got teeth in his mouth.
54:33I don't know why I can't get no woman.
54:35Because don't no woman want no man with no newborn baby mouth.
54:39Every time y'all get ready to go somewhere, she got to stop and get a teeth in the ring.
54:43She don't have time for that.
54:4550 years old, ain't got no teeth in your mouth.
54:49Then we went to the movies, right?
54:51All of us, like six of us are now social clubs.
54:54We get to the movies, he going to order popcorn.
54:56I said, Ted, who going to chew it for you?
55:00I said, popcorn hard to chew with all your teeth, let alone six.
55:05Nah, I just like the butter.
55:07He just sucking the popcorn.
55:11I said, put the popcorn down.
55:14You going to be snagging tooth with high cholesterol?
55:17That don't go together.
55:20Act like he got teeth.
55:22Ain't going to tell me.
55:23Call me on Thanksgiving.
55:25Yeah, I'm going to come over there.
55:26What y'all having to eat?
55:27I said, food, did you got to chew?
55:30Ain't no girl but baby peas over here.
55:33Ain't no puree peas over here.
55:36Then he finally got some teeth, but he ain't get them size right.
55:40So every time he was talking to you, it sounded like you heard high heel.
55:45I thought he was a DJ.
55:47I just broke out dancing.
55:50Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Dominique.
55:52You have been excellent.
55:53You were great.
55:55Thank you so much for your time.
56:23Hey, hey.
56:26Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
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