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The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.

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Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:17America, you see me every week.
00:19You know how much I do for those kids.
00:22Bernie Mac is a giver.
00:23And those kids ain't nothing but tickets.
00:26Over these last few months, these kids have committed acts that were unspeakable.
00:31Stopped up my toilet, scratched my album, and did it in my car.
00:35But now they're gone one step beyond.
00:38They don't know how to think of them.
00:41They ate my chicken.
00:44Who ate my chicken?
00:47I got one room when I come up a gig.
00:50And what is it?
00:51How'd your gig go?
00:52Don't ask me nothing stupid, Jordan.
00:53Sorry.
00:54Yeah, you are sorry.
00:56You're probably sorry because you ate my chicken.
00:59Matter of fact, you open your mouth.
01:00I'm just letting your breath.
01:01Bernie!
01:01Come here.
01:02Hey, hey, take a message, baby.
01:03I'm getting ready to expose the crimp.
01:05Open your mouth.
01:05You're crazy.
01:06Yeah, I am crazy when somebody ate my chicken.
01:08Baby, please listen.
01:08No, no, baby.
01:09I'm conducting an investigation.
01:09It was me from Chicago.
01:11Your Uncle Ellister passed away.
01:22How?
01:23In his sleep last night.
01:26Honey, I'm so sorry.
01:32My Uncle Ellister was very special.
01:35Well, he wasn't actually my blood, Uncle,
01:37but he lived across the street from us when I was growing up.
01:40He practically raised me, you know?
01:43I remember when my Uncle Ellister brought my first bike.
01:45He taught me how to ride.
01:46He picked me up when I fell off of it, and he comforted me when someone stole it.
01:51Baby, I'm on.
01:54I have to go to Chicago.
01:57Pay my respects.
01:58Baby, we'll all go.
02:00I know.
02:01We're going to Chicago.
02:03Can we see our mom?
02:05Oh, Nessa, please.
02:06Of course you can see your mom.
02:08Without a doubt.
02:11It's time for family.
02:21You know what, Wanda?
02:22I never got a chance to really thank him for supporting me and believing in me.
02:27I never, ever, ever got a chance to thank him.
02:31Baby, I think he knows how much you care.
02:34I'm Wanda.
02:35Have you seen my pirate cape?
02:37Honey, I'll help you pack.
02:43You know what, Jordan?
02:45Don't be like your Uncle Bernie.
02:48Wait till somebody die before you get a chance.
02:51Tell him you love him.
02:52Mm-mm.
02:53No way.
02:54Don't be like me.
02:57Uncle Bernie, hi.
02:59Hi.
03:01I'll eat your chicken.
03:06Jordan.
03:08Don't worry about it.
03:17Look at that champagne.
03:19Bernie Mac and Coach.
03:23Doggone kids.
03:25Yeah, right back at you.
03:26Right.
03:27Hey!
03:27Yeah.
03:28Turn around!
03:29Leave that Uncle Bernie alone!
03:30He's motion!
03:32Yeah, motion.
03:33This is our first trip as a family.
03:35Can I go sit by the window?
03:38Go.
03:42I've got a song I ain't got no melody.
03:47I'm gonna sing it to my friends.
03:52I've got a song I ain't got no melody.
03:57I'm gonna sing it to my friends.
04:00I'm gonna go round and circle.
04:05When they fly high like a bird up in the sky.
04:10When they go round and circle.
04:14When they fly high like a bird up in the sky.
04:18Oh, I'm gonna sing it to my mind.
04:41You sleduys.
04:45I'm gonna sing it to my friends.
04:48What are you doing?
04:48I'm gonna sing it to my friends.
05:00On behalf of the crew, I'd like to welcome everyone to Chicago O'Hare Airport.
05:05Oh, yeah. Chicago. Come home, baby.
05:10There appears to be traffic at the gate, so unfortunately, we're going to have to sit still here for about
05:1545 minutes to an hour and a half.
05:18Please have some peanuts, complimentary on us.
05:40Oh, goodness.
05:42Hi, gorgeous.
05:43Hi, baby.
05:46Beanie.
05:47Hey, mama, love her.
05:48Oh, come on in here, boy.
05:53You look good.
05:59Oh, Beanie.
06:01Your uncle would have been so glad you came.
06:04Oh, mama, love you kidding, man.
06:07Y'all my family.
06:09Shoot, I would have walked here.
06:12Bernie, Bernie, Bernie.
06:14Hey, what's up, big brother?
06:15What's up, man?
06:17Man, sorry I couldn't get here earlier.
06:18Oh, there ain't nothing.
06:19You know how it is working for the man.
06:21I mean, the supervisor wanted a brother to work the whole nine to five, man.
06:24Hey, D, I'm truly sorry about your dad, man, really.
06:28It's heavy.
06:29Yeah.
06:30I can still smell him on his coat.
06:37Hey, how did they let you on the plane with that weapon?
06:38Well, I ain't got no weapon.
06:39What you talking about, D?
06:40Wanda, man.
06:41She like a fine bomb.
06:43Boom!
06:44Hi, D.
06:45Hey, Wanda.
06:46Hey, kids, look at these kids.
06:48Last time I saw y'all, I was bringing that couch over to y'all house.
06:51Remember when I was bringing that couch over to y'all house?
06:54Man, them kids love me, Bernie.
06:56Yeah, I see.
06:58Everybody loves you, D.
07:00Oh, you named it Earl.
07:02Yes, you did.
07:03Yes, you did.
07:06Oh, he was a good man.
07:10He really loved you boys.
07:12No, no, Mom.
07:14Hey, listen, now.
07:15You kids, why don't you all go in the front and watch television
07:17while I was growing folks sit here and talk a little while, okay?
07:20Go ahead.
07:20Go ahead.
07:21All right.
07:23If you lose the picture, just jiggle the hanger.
07:27And we only get child two.
07:30Mama Leva, why don't you let us take care of the funeral arrangement?
07:35I mean, it'll do my heart real good, please.
07:37Oh, no, no.
07:38Oh, you're such an angel, but D's taking care of everything.
07:42That's right.
07:43It's going to be beautiful, Mama.
07:45I know it is.
07:47Let me help you.
07:50Bar, let me put this bug in your ear over here.
07:58Hey, now, I'm going to handle everything right,
08:00but I'm still waiting for Daddy's check from the government, man.
08:02You know how slow that can be.
08:03Well, hey, maybe you don't remember.
08:05You know, you big time and everything now,
08:06but could you float me for a minute, man?
08:08He did not just say that.
08:10He did not just ask me for money.
08:13Oh, D, I'm going to ruin everything.
08:18America, I know we all got somebody in our family just like this, too.
08:22And if you don't think so, then it's you.
08:26D, why don't we go down in the morning and take care of it?
08:29You my dog, man.
08:30Yeah.
08:31Hey, you already offered anyway, right?
08:34Mama, I get that.
08:35I get that.
08:38Now, this is one of our bestsellers.
08:41White Oak.
08:43Very nice, very understated.
08:44No, no, no.
08:45No, no, no, no, no.
08:46Uh-uh.
08:47No.
08:47What's wrong, D?
08:48Come on, Bern.
08:49This looks like somebody's shop class project.
08:50Thing can't cost more than $200.
08:52Come on, man.
08:54Well, what did you suggest, D?
08:56Bernie, when Biggie died, R.I.P.,
08:58they put the brother in a gold coffin, lined with velvet.
09:01Had his initials and diamonds on the top of it, man.
09:04I know this man ain't trying to tell me that my daddy ain't as good as Biggie.
09:06Well, we do special requests, but it can get a bit expensive.
09:09Hey, man, hey.
09:12My father died.
09:14Now, I know we ain't up in here trying to pinch pennies.
09:16Ain't that right, Bern?
09:18Um, I mean, let's just hear what the man got to say, dear.
09:22Let's walk around and see if we can pick out something more proper.
09:25Okay, you're right.
09:26You're right.
09:26Maybe something like solid teak, ebony wood, something like that.
09:29I think my daddy's worth it, right?
09:33This is expensive.
09:36And it don't even move.
09:39Look at that rust proof.
09:44Air could.
09:47This is some.
09:49Let's move on.
09:50Thanks, cuz.
09:51I think we really did right by daddy back there.
09:53Yeah, Mom, I'm living with me proud.
09:59I want to show you something.
10:00I want to show you something.
10:26We didn't have much.
10:28Big Mama said living over the church, man, brought us closer to God.
10:34Wow, man, look at this.
10:38This is what Big Mama used to measure us, man.
10:40This was me, Stacy, Daryl.
10:44Oh, look at this spurt.
10:47Who couldn't even afford these slacks?
10:49I know, you walked around for about a year wearing those floods.
10:52Yeah, man, y'all was cold.
10:54Y'all used to call me, uh, Noah.
10:56Oh, Noah.
10:57Yep.
10:57Yeah.
10:59Ain't nobody calling you Noah now.
11:01Look at you, man.
11:03Custom-made suits.
11:05You ain't doing too bad yourself, bro.
11:07Man, I'd be doing a lot better if I could get one of these ideas off the ground, man.
11:11Oh, yeah?
11:12Yeah, I got big ideas jumping off all the time.
11:15In fact, you standing in one of my big ideas right now.
11:27What you looking at?
11:31Now, see, what may look like an ordinary old church to you, but to me, it's a club.
11:38A club?
11:39A comedy club.
11:40Now, hold on.
11:41I'm standing right over here.
11:42See?
11:43Now, over here, this is the stage, okay?
11:45Now, right here, we're going to put a bar in this wall.
11:47Just get rid of it.
11:48Knock this whole thing out.
11:50Extend the seating out that way.
11:51And right here where you standing, that's the dance floor.
11:53Check it out.
11:54I got a name, okay?
11:55You ain't going to believe this.
11:57Buster Guts.
11:58You get it?
11:59It's like bust a gut, but it's bust er gut.
12:02Now, that's comedy, man.
12:04What do you think?
12:06D, listen, you know, you have to really know what you're doing to put up a club, and it
12:11costs a lot of money.
12:12Oh, money ain't a thing, man.
12:13See, that's where you come in.
12:14You're going to give me the seed money to get it started, because the way I figure it, if
12:17you got 10 grand to dump into the ground, you definitely got 10 grand to launch a dream.
12:24Oh, why does he do this?
12:27Why?
12:28Why does D do this?
12:33You know, maybe D has changed.
12:35I shouldn't judge him, America.
12:37I shouldn't judge him by his past.
12:38Maybe it's probably just a loan, and I'm sure he got every intention on paying me by.
12:45The nerve of that damn fool asked me for 10 damn thousand dollars, I should give him 10,000
12:49kick right in the crack of his damn ass.
12:51That's what I should have did.
12:55Okay.
12:56I'm going to give him the money, but this time we're putting it on paper, and he's got to
13:01have a solid business plan, and it better be notarized.
13:10Burning back in the press.
13:15Damn, damn, damn!
13:25Well, D is D.
13:44Hello?
13:45Good morning.
13:46This is the front desk.
13:47It's 720.
13:48No, I didn't have no wake-up calls, sweetheart.
13:50You got the wrong number.
13:53I ordered it.
13:54Mom can have visitors at 8 o'clock, so we have to be on the road by 730.
13:58You have about five minutes.
14:10All of our patients are in their rooms right now for private reflection time.
14:14Uh, we set visiting hours to coincide with this time, because it's nice and peaceful and
14:18quiet.
14:19Okay.
14:20I made that!
14:22Mm-hmm.
14:23Stacey, you have visitors.
14:28Stacey?
14:34Where's Mommy?
14:35That's a very good question.
14:37Excuse me.
14:38Uh, Bob, it's Donna.
14:39We have a situation.
14:41Uh, maybe it'd be better if you came back later.
14:46Hey, listen, we're gonna go, but see your mother at the funeral, okay?
14:50Come on, baby girl.
14:51Come on, Joy.
14:51Come on.
15:11Let's move on.
15:15Hey, y'all.
15:16Y'all ready?
15:17Uncle Bernie?
15:18Huh?
15:20I don't wanna see dead people.
15:22You're not gonna see any dead people, baby.
15:24We're just gonna go, say a few nice words and pay our respects.
15:27When you die, I'm gonna say my respect.
15:30Uncle Bernie, when you die, can I have your house?
15:33I'm gonna outlive y'all.
15:38Hello?
15:40Stacey?
15:41Hey, girl, what happened to you?
15:44Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
15:45Hold on now.
15:46Watch your tongue.
15:47Watch how you talking to me.
15:48You sitting there gonna try to trip on me.
15:50I'm trying to do you a favor.
15:51I'll bring your kids to see you.
15:53You ain't there.
15:53You trying to get better?
15:55H-h-hello?
15:56Hello?
16:05She got a lot of nerve, America.
16:07How do I get to be the bad guy?
16:09After all I've done.
16:11Taking those kids in.
16:12She's lucky to actually grown fond of the ungrateful urchins.
16:16I mean, America, no good deed.
16:18No good deed.
16:20She gonna trip out on me.
16:22Junkie.
16:24That's right.
16:25Okay.
16:26What'd you call?
16:27Okay.
16:28I thought so.
16:42Psst.
16:43What?
16:43I was thinking about our club.
16:45You know?
16:46You know who we should get for our opening night act?
16:48Chris Tucker, boy.
16:50You really made me laugh.
16:51You really made me laugh.
16:51D. D. D.
16:52This ain't the time or the place, man.
16:54My God.
16:55You're right.
16:56You're right.
16:59I'll holler at you over by the crypt.
17:00You're right.
17:01I'm back, man.
17:03I'm always back.
17:03I sing praise how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
17:21I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind.
17:32What do you think about topless waitress, sir?
17:34Dee, I'm here to pay my last respect to your father.
17:37Oh, no, no, your father.
17:38No, I know that.
17:38I'm just saying it for you.
17:39I know that you're saying, Dee.
17:40Shut up.
17:42Was blind.
17:44Let us pray.
17:52Night time, day care, I'm all that one over.
18:01White liquor nights.
18:02Now see, what's the first thing pop into your head?
18:04White people, right?
18:05But it ain't white people, it's white liquor.
18:06You get it?
18:07It's like a double entree, entree, what's the word?
18:14Bye, Daddy.
18:17I will give thanks to the Lord with my own...
18:20Hey, Byron, I got this cat who got a line on liquor license.
18:23You want to holler at him real quick?
18:23Some other time.
18:25Yeah, but I got him on the phone right now, man.
18:26He's a busy man.
18:27It's not like he's gonna hang around forever, but I...
18:28You want me to tell him to call back later?
18:29I'll tell him to call back later.
18:31Thou has sat on the throne, given righteous judgment.
18:37Give me a date!
18:40Before we commit Ellister's body to the ground, would someone like to say a few kind words
18:46about this gentle soul?
18:48Look, let's just say that if...
18:49This is supposed to get them in.
18:50All you ever wanted was a handout.
18:52You dirty, greedy bastards!
18:55All you ever did in your life is take, take, take.
18:58Why?
18:59All you did was sit in the house and watch TV.
19:01Now you get just what the heck you deserve, and that's nothing.
19:04Nothing!
19:05And a person up in here don't feel the same.
19:08Lord, I feel so much better getting this off my chest, I swear to God.
19:11Go to hell!
19:22I mean, it's okay, Bernie.
19:25I know how much you love your uncle.
19:29I ruined that burial, didn't I?
19:31Oh, you didn't ruin anything.
19:33I know how D can drive a man crazy.
19:38Mama Leva, I was thinking about lending D the money to open up a comedy club.
19:43Well, Benny, you might as well just give me the money, let me flush it down the toilet.
19:48Cause that's exactly what he gonna do.
19:52Oh, Mama Leva.
19:53No, he's my son, and I love him.
19:55But the boy is traveling.
19:58Now, you keep your money.
20:01I'm just so sorry I didn't get a chance to pay my respect to Uncle E.
20:05Oh, baby.
20:08You showed your respect while he was alive.
20:12And that's what counts.
20:17Oh, Mama Leva, thank you.
20:20I love old people.
20:22You know, just when you think you know everything, they drop some knowledge on you.
20:27And open your eyes.
20:30Sometime when you think you're protecting them, it's them protecting you.
20:35I mean, respect your elders, America.
20:39And pay those respects like you're supposed to pay your bills.
20:42I mean, on time.
20:44Don't wait till the fifth and final notice.
20:48Y'all know who you are.
20:49Well, you know.
20:52Certainly the things you see got you hurt so bad, so bad.
21:01How come the things that make us happy make us sad?
21:07I don't want rain.
21:09Kill me.
21:10Enjoy.
21:24It's the end.
21:29YouTube is probably off my mind.
21:31Look out!
21:35Take this down, Dr.
21:37this time I don't I don't forget how good your home cooked food tastes like girl well let's see
21:43if you remember this mmm look at that that's your uncle Ellister right there and that's me
21:53every Sunday's take me fish right over there a little lake over there and that's my first fish
21:59he even named it oh no I don't know about all that yes you did they named it
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