The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:17America, you're a democracy.
00:19You have all kinds of freedom and equality, and that's great.
00:23And that works for you, and I respect that.
00:26But we got a different system here at the Mac household.
00:28It's called dictatorship, and it works like this.
00:32See, I am the king, and what I say goes.
00:36All the other folks, they're my subjects.
00:39I have my queen, Wanda.
00:45Your Highness.
00:47My lady.
00:50I don't know how to pick them, though.
00:53I got my princess.
01:10I've got my court jester.
01:13What's happening, my man?
01:16Oh, yeah.
01:23And my royal pain in the ass.
01:29My royal pain in the ass!
01:34Look at that.
01:35These fries are cold.
01:39Is that...
01:41Is that a step?
01:55Let's go to bed.
01:56But our favorite show is on next.
01:58What's the name of it?
01:59Yeah, just like I thought.
02:00Let's go to bed.
02:04Every night, I go through the same thing.
02:06I don't know what I got to do to get these kids to listen.
02:09Stand on top of my head.
02:18See, Shannon, I am way out of practice.
02:20Are you kidding?
02:22There are a lot of girls on the team who can't even do what you just did.
02:25Like who?
02:26You know Debbie Minna?
02:28Oh, yeah.
02:28She's pretty.
02:29Not when she tries to straddle and falls on her face.
02:35Get out!
02:36I'm busy!
02:38Uncle Bernie said we have to go to bed now.
02:40Can I have one minute to myself?
02:43Dang.
02:45Okay, look.
02:45You can stay up another half hour and that's it.
02:48Yeah!
02:49But Uncle Bernie said we have to go to bed.
02:52Well, I'm saying you can stay up.
02:54This is my house, too.
02:55I've got rights.
02:56And if Bernie Mac's got a problem with that,
02:58we'll tough...
03:00poop.
03:05Hey!
03:07How about I throw y'all to go to bed?
03:09Vanessa said we should stay up.
03:11Yes?
03:12Yep.
03:12And she said we have to have food.
03:17Vanessa!
03:18I'm counting to three.
03:19I just come tomorrow.
03:21I don't know.
03:22One!
03:23It'll get you out of this house.
03:25What time is practice?
03:26Two!
03:27Three!
03:28What?
03:29This is what I'm talking about.
03:31Vanessa, do you say they can stay up?
03:33So?
03:33So?
03:34When did you become boss around here?
03:36You should thank me.
03:38Come again?
03:38You are the one who's always complaining about
03:41how hard it is to get these kids to bed.
03:44Every night you yell and chase them
03:46and before you know it,
03:47they've squeezed an extra hour out of you.
03:49At least.
03:50Whereas you can just let them stay up
03:52and fall asleep in front of the TV
03:53and you can carry them to bed.
03:55Is that right?
03:56You'd think you'd learn.
03:58You got it all together, right?
04:00Well, let me break it down to you, Vanessa.
04:02The point is, I make the rules.
04:04I get the bad times.
04:06I give the orders.
04:07And I expect all the orders to be carried out
04:09without any interference from you.
04:11That understood?
04:12Yeah.
04:14I want you two to go to bed right now.
04:17But...
04:20Okay, come on, Bree.
04:23You'll see that without any interference from you.
04:30America, follow me to the throne room.
04:33The king wishes to have a private audience.
04:35Immediately.
04:38All right.
04:41The king is weary from battle, y'all.
04:43You all see what I go through.
04:46America, at most nights, it's not that easy.
04:51Yeah.
04:53Why was it that easy?
04:55What happened back there?
04:57Come on.
04:58Look at that scene again.
05:02You got it all together, right?
05:03All right.
05:03There go the Mac, man.
05:04I'm cool.
05:05Collective.
05:06The point is...
05:07Laying down the law.
05:08I get the bad times.
05:10I give the orders.
05:11Smooth.
05:12And controlled.
05:12And I expect all the orders to be carried out
05:13without any interference from you.
05:16That understood?
05:17Yeah.
05:19I want you two to go to bed right now.
05:22But...
05:23Oh!
05:24Oh!
05:25Hold on, hold on, hold on.
05:27Wind that back.
05:28Let's re-examine this.
05:29You see that?
05:31See what I saw?
05:32I want you two to go to bed right now.
05:35But...
05:36Look.
05:38Skunk.
05:41Triggeration.
05:42Oh!
05:44She signaled him.
05:46You saw it?
05:46Right under my own nose.
05:48In my own house.
05:49Like I said...
05:50Now how long this been going on?
05:51You can't trust nobody.
05:56Do I have D-dits?
05:58Yes.
06:01Hi.
06:02Hey!
06:05I don't want to take a bath.
06:07No bath, no movie.
06:09It's not a choice.
06:10It's yours.
06:12Okay, man.
06:17All this time undermining my authority.
06:20Who does she think she is?
06:21I'm the king of this castle.
06:24She don't pour no strings around here.
06:25I do.
06:27I'm the puppet master.
06:29I gotta look at his hands.
06:31I'm gonna pop.
06:31All the time I wanna take your place to back and stab us.
06:34Back and stab us.
06:46Real clever, Nessa.
06:49Where I come from, they call that slick.
06:52What are you talking about?
06:53What am I talking about?
06:54You know what I'm talking about.
06:56The games you're playing with the kids.
06:58Signals, the head nod, the winks and all that kind of stuff.
07:02Yeah.
07:02I got you faded, baby.
07:04You're tripping.
07:05Oh, I'm tripping.
07:06Yeah, okay, I'm tripping.
07:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
07:09Let me ask your kids something.
07:11Who's the boss around here?
07:13Don't, don't look at her.
07:15Answer the question.
07:16Baby girl, who's the person of authority around here?
07:19Don't look at them, Nessa.
07:20Come on, baby girl.
07:22Tell me, who's the one with authority?
07:24Come on, answer the question.
07:25Who's the leader?
07:29Oh, you're the boss.
07:31You're the leader.
07:32Of course, we couldn't even ask for such a great leader.
07:35I mean, we follow you in every footstep.
07:37We jump off a ledge and follow you.
07:39I mean, anything.
07:45Oh, I'm sorry, America.
07:46How you doing?
07:48You know, I was just sitting here thinking about sleigh dogs.
07:51You know those husky dogs that pull Eskimos all around the North Pole?
07:56You know, I was just sitting here thinking that life's like a team of dogs.
07:59Because if you're not the lead dog, the only view is another dog's ass.
08:05Is that what life has in store for me?
08:08Bernie Mac?
08:10Nothing but dog ass?
08:14America, I used to be the lead dog.
08:18They used to look at my ass.
08:20Boy, they smell good up in here.
08:23Pork chops.
08:25Baby, that's fancy.
08:26What's the occasion?
08:27We're celebrating.
08:28Vanessa made the gymnastics team.
08:30Go on, Nessa.
08:32Ho, ho, ho, hold on.
08:33It ain't one of no things where I got to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning and
08:36drop you off the wrong way, is it?
08:37Practice is after school.
08:38Go on, Nessa.
08:40Say that.
08:41Yo, I'm brownie.
08:42I want one.
08:43Can I have one?
08:44Can I have one?
08:44Hell no, you can't have no brownie.
08:46Wait a minute.
08:49America, I don't have to be the boss anymore.
08:52Vanessa got the power.
08:54And you know what?
08:55I won't fight it.
08:56I'll use it to my advantage.
08:58Let her be the boss of them and I'll be the boss of her.
09:01Ha, ha, dog got it.
09:03If I boss her, she boss of them.
09:05I got two less kids I have to talk to.
09:08Go, go, Bernie Mac.
09:10Why didn't I think of that early?
09:12Ha!
09:13Yeah, see?
09:18Yeah.
09:21Better yet, I changed my mind.
09:24You want a brownie?
09:24You can have one, son.
09:26All right!
09:27But it ain't up to me.
09:29It's not?
09:29Oh, it's up to Nessa.
09:31See, she the one with the authority.
09:33What do you say, Nessa?
09:34Would it be all right for your baby brother to fill up on dessert before dinner?
09:39That's Shannon.
09:39I gotta go to practice.
09:40I'll leave when I get home.
09:41No, no, no, Nessa, Nessa.
09:42Come on now.
09:43Can your brother have a brownie and what?
09:44Come on.
09:45Whatever your Uncle Bernie says.
09:47He says I could!
09:49Yeah!
09:50No!
09:51I cannot believe that girl got me again.
09:54When I...
09:55What the heck is going on?
10:00Nessa?
10:01Dance, Uncle Bernie.
10:02Dance!
10:03That's you.
10:04Ha-ha!
10:05Nessa!
10:06Nessa!
10:07Stop!
10:08Keep dancing!
10:09Ha-ha!
10:10I'm black.
10:11Please keep me on the...
10:12On the beat.
10:14Ha-ha-ha!
10:16Ha-ha!
10:17Nessa!
10:18Nessa!
10:19Nessa!
10:20Nessa!
10:20I know.
10:21That's it.
10:21It's so funny.
10:22I know.
10:24You get your little self in here.
10:26I don't want to sleep at the office.
10:27I want to stay at Vanessa's party.
10:29Jordan, slumber parties are for girls, honey.
10:32No boys allow.
10:33Why?
10:33So they can talk about their boobies?
10:35Ha-ha-ha!
10:36Ha-ha-ha!
10:36Ha-ha-ha!
10:37Ha-ha-ha!
10:37Boobies!
10:37You want to stop boobies?
10:38Ha-ha-ha!
10:39Ha-ha-ha!
10:40Ha-ha-ha!
10:41That's the last time we had sugar before bed.
10:43She walked through the house.
10:45No one was there.
10:46All the lights was off.
10:49She screamed.
10:50She hollered.
10:51But no one heard her.
10:53The phone was dead.
10:56She reached for the knob.
10:58And there was a bloody hook.
11:03From the last person who touched Bernie Mac Stereo without his permission.
11:08Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
11:12-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
11:12Okay.
11:13Can you leave?
11:14Yeah.
11:15Okay.
11:16Listen.
11:16I'll leave.
11:17But seriously.
11:19If you girls get hungry.
11:21Go to a restaurant.
11:23Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
11:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
11:27Enjoy yourself.
11:28Have pleasant dreams, you little.
11:30All right.
11:31You're okay?
11:32Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
11:34Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
11:37Good night.
11:40He's a professional comedian
11:51Hey, get out
11:54You share a room with your little brother
11:56How do you get any privacy?
11:58I don't, that's the problem
11:59Jordan, get out
12:00I need my helicopter
12:03Hi, I'm Jordan
12:05Okay, you got it now, go
12:07No, I need my rescue wing
12:15Will you tell that little brat to stop bothering us?
12:20Shoot, babe, I would love to help you out
12:22But he won't listen to me
12:24He'll only listen to you
12:27That's sick
12:28All right, all righty, boo-boo
12:29Sticky head and doo-doo
12:33Look, I'm a gymnast
12:34Look, I'm about to do a double flip-flop with a banana split
12:38That's very tough
12:41Look, I have boobie too, see?
12:44Oh, that's nothing
12:46Look what I got
12:49Joy, I told you to keep that in the bar
12:58I never asked for anything around here
13:01But the one time that I want something for myself
13:04They ruin it
13:05It's not fair
13:07And it's bad enough that I have to share a room with them in the first place
13:12Okay
13:13Go back to your party
13:15They won't bother you anymore
13:16Thank you
13:19Now you two
13:21You have got to stop bothering your sister
13:24She's a teenager now
13:26And she needs her privacy
13:27Which means you have to give her her space
13:31Do we have to, Uncle Bernie?
13:34I'm afraid so
13:36Did you see that?
13:38Those kids asked me
13:40The alpha dog
13:41I'm leading the sled again, baby
13:44All you other dogs, getting live
13:46Cause it's sniffing time
13:49Oh
13:51Yes, sir
13:58I'm the lead dog
14:00Dog
14:03Dog
14:04Dog
14:05I'm the lead dog
14:07Dog
14:11Dog
14:16Hey, Vanessa's home
14:17Can't you tell me how to do a cartwheel?
14:19I've been doing cartwheels all day
14:21And I need to crash
14:22But you promised
14:23Oh, good, you're home
14:25You can help me with my model plane
14:26Ask your Uncle Bernie
14:27He gets some paste and he jams the pieces
14:29What did I say?
14:31Well, I want ice cream
14:32Can you get my lactose pills?
14:34No, I'm sick of doing everything for you guys
14:36Go ask Bigfoot
14:40Uncle Bernie, Uncle Bernie, Uncle Bernie
14:43What, what, what?
14:45Do I eat nutmeg?
14:46Start my own
14:47Are these dirty?
14:50Pick a collar
14:51Pull my finger
14:52Pull my gun
14:54What's a lesbian?
14:56I can't feel anything
14:58I mean, I'm completely numb
15:00They worked all my nerves
15:03Every last one
15:05Somebody called a nerveologist
15:07That's the study of nerves
15:10That drove me crazy
15:16Hey, stranger
15:18Long practice?
15:20Hmm
15:22Brianna and I make cupcakes
15:25We saved you one
15:27But
15:27Jordan ate the top
15:31They really miss you, you know
15:35Maybe this Saturday
15:36I have a meet on Saturday
15:38Well, maybe after
15:39That won't work
15:40Because we're all going out after
15:41Nessa
15:42Look here
15:43I know you got your gymnastic thing going on
15:46But let me tell you something, girl
15:47You cold got to find a time to raise your own kids
15:49What?
15:50What?
15:51I gave baby girl
15:5214 piggyback rides
15:54And if I pull your brother finger one more dog on time
15:57I'll cut that full load
15:57I'm going to pull it over
15:59Why do you keep putting this on me?
16:01What you talking about?
16:02That's not my responsibility
16:03I have my own life
16:04Why can't you all just understand that?
16:07Vanessa, it's just that we never see you
16:09Good
16:10That's the way I want it right now
16:11Why can't you all just leave me alone?
16:15What'd I say?
16:21Bernie, what are you doing?
16:23Working out some aggression
16:24So I can keep from killing that girl
16:28Bernie, teenage girls have it hard
16:29And Vanessa's had it tougher than most
16:34Well, she got it going on pretty easy now
16:36Well, I don't know about that
16:38I mean, back in Chicago
16:40She pretty much raised those kids
16:43And if you think about it
16:45She kind of still is
16:46She doing a piss poor job at it
16:48Because those kids run wild
16:49At least they get to run wild
16:51She never had the chance
16:54I mean, think about it
16:55She's never really been a kid
16:58That's not robbery being a teenager, too
17:02I never thought of
17:05Bernie
17:06What?
17:07I think I have a great idea
17:30Thank you
18:06Oh, hey, Vanessa.
18:09I want you to meet my mom.
18:10Hi.
18:11Vanessa, your beam routine was perfect.
18:13You are so grateful.
18:15Can I tell you she was awesome?
18:17Do you need a ride?
18:19Sure.
18:20Okay.
18:22I know.
18:32Hey.
18:33How was the meet?
18:35Fine.
18:36Y'all lost, huh?
18:37No, we won.
18:38You won?
18:40Oh, I wish we could have been there.
18:42Well, who stopped you?
18:43You.
18:44I did.
18:45Yes, sir.
18:46Well, honey, you said you wanted to be left alone.
18:49We thought we were giving you space.
18:51Figures.
18:53Somehow, it's always my fault.
18:54Hey, hey, hey, come in, man.
18:57Where are you going?
18:59To my room.
19:01Do you mind?
19:01No, we don't mind, but that's not the way to your room.
19:04It's not.
19:11Ta-da!
19:16This is your room.
19:18You like it?
19:23She don't like it.
19:24I told you she would.
19:25About me.
19:30I know, sugar.
19:32Sometimes, it's all just too much.
19:35Nessa, did somebody say something or do something to you?
19:37Because I swear to God, I'd kill them.
19:39I looked for you guys, but you weren't there.
19:42And everybody else had family, and I was alone.
19:46That's all right.
19:46We will be at every one from now on.
19:49Who won?
19:50Who won?
19:53Why are you crying?
19:55Don't you like your new room?
19:58She loves it.
19:59I love it, too.
20:00These floors are perfect for hot wheels.
20:03Ain't no hot wheel going to be nowhere around here.
20:04I gave up my bench.
20:05Wait for another playroom.
20:07I'll catch you in here.
20:07I'll key you.
20:08Kids, this is Vanessa's room now.
20:10You can only play here if she invites you.
20:14Are you going to invite us?
20:15All right.
20:16Now, you two need to get ready for bed.
20:18Do we have to?
20:24Yes.
20:31You know, I never had my own room before.
20:39And you know what?
20:40The first time I ever understood what you've been going through.
20:44And I didn't handle it well.
20:47So I hope this makes up for it.
20:50Hey.
20:51So come on, man.
20:52What you think?
20:53You ain't telling me what you think about the room yet.
20:55Well, I see phone.
20:58Okay.
20:59But no cable.
21:04There you have it, America.
21:06I spent her life.
21:08You know why?
21:09A good king knows when to show mercy.
21:14Mmm.
21:17Oh.
21:19It's good to be king.
21:40Max the lead dog.
21:42I said, dog.
21:46I said, dog, dog, because I'm the lead dog.
21:50That's right.
21:51Dog.
21:54Dog.
21:56The lead dog.
21:57Pitch isn't there, buddy.
21:59Dog.
22:01Dog, America.
22:02I said, woo.
22:04Oh.
22:04Dog.
22:07Dog.
22:10Dog.
22:11Dog.
22:12Dog.
22:12Dog.
22:14Dog.
22:14Dog.
22:15Dog.
22:15Dog.
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