The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:17America. We had some good times together, right? So now you know me. Even with the television
00:23show, I'm still Bernie Mac. I still say the things you want to say, but you can't. And
00:28I'm not saying it's easy. See, every week somebody's in my face talking about, Bernie Mac, you
00:33can't say this. Bernie Mac, you can't say that. I told you television was not going to change
00:37me. And it hasn't. I still say what I want. You hear me? Well, I'm still not sure what
00:44the problem is. Is Breonna hurt? Oh, something she said. Well, what did she say? You don't
00:55want to discuss it on the phone. Okay. I'm on my way. What did baby girl say? I thought
01:06in the time it would take you to get here, I would have the courage to repeat it. But
01:12you can't say it. Well, can you write it down? I already did. Baby girl said this? Now,
01:27see, what I cannot understand, Mr. Mac, is where she could have heard it. I mean, who would
01:30have said such an ugly, hateful, angry thing? Hey, baby. My phone bill got high this month.
01:44Look at that. Well, Vanessa was doing good in school, so I let her call some friends. Vanessa?
01:50Mm-hmm. You still got to watch her, baby. I mean, she already think we rich. Well, compared
01:57to where she's from. Yeah, but she think we old country club rich. Old money rich. We just
02:05nigger rich. What? Look at that. I don't mean to talk out of turn, but we here at Wellington
02:19don't consider this to be, um, appropriate language. You know, I agree. And I'm going
02:25to talk to baby girl, and I guarantee she will never use that word again. Well, that's
02:29great. You are. That's great. But, Mr. Mac. Yes? I don't mean to talk out of turn again,
02:34but I'm not sure that it's appropriate for anyone to say. Well, it's... Look, I don't mean
02:43to overstep. No, no, no. Step. I mean, maybe I'm not in a position to say. No, no. You're in
02:48position. If I'm speaking out of turn. No, no. It's your turn to speak. But isn't this
02:54such an ugly, hateful, angry word? You know, let me explain. I'm not quite sure I really
03:08know how to explain, but when I was growing up, we used this word in many different ways.
03:17And we didn't really mean anything by it. For example, if someone did something ridiculous,
03:23we would say, look at that crazy. Oh. Or if a brother was real tough, we would say,
03:30that's one bad, you know. Or if a cat smelled real bad, we would say, oh, stankin'.
03:38Okay. Thank you, Mr. Mac. I understand your point. Now, hold up, America. See, Bernie Mac has
03:44not condoned the use of this word. I'm just trying to explain to her how I used it in the
03:48past. And I'm quite sure some of you, well, that's all right. Bernie Mac ain't mad at you.
03:54Anyway, have used it too. See, I'm just being truthful. So before y'all start casting stones,
04:01let's move on. Let me see. Y'all, y'all don't need, y'all don't need to see everything. Y
04:11'all
04:11need to know everything. She said, I can't do nothing. That's how I try to do something. Everybody
04:19watching me and everything. I ain't got no problem. I understand, baby. But we should watch
04:25what we say in front of Brianna, though. Honestly, sweetheart, I didn't know she was over there.
04:30I wasn't trying to hurt nobody. She over there eavesdropping. Honey, I think it's more than
04:38that. You know, when it was just you and me in the house, there were certain things that
04:42we could do, certain things that we could say. You know, we have a house full of kids.
04:48We're role models now. Role models? Role models? I'm already a role model. Oh, come on, America.
04:57Y'all see me every week. I feed those kids. I keep them in line. I put a roof over
05:02their head.
05:03Are you going to tell them I'm not a role model? Please. Now, granted, sometimes my method
05:07I look coarse. But I don't have any outside kids. You know what I'm saying? And I see Bernie
05:12and Matt, he's going to... Uncle Bernie? Did I say something bad?
05:17Come here, baby girl. Oh! You know, I said something bad, and I shouldn't have said it in my big
05:28mouth. And I don't ever want you to say it again, okay?
05:33Okay. Uncle Bernie? Hmm? Are you going to say any more? I'm going to try my best not to. And
05:41I want you to pray for your Uncle Bernie, okay?
05:43Okay. Now, do me a favor. I want you to go in the kitchen, pour yourself some chocolate milk, and
05:48I'm going to come in there and we're going to have something together, okay?
05:50Okay. Okay. Hmm. Hey, I love you. You didn't say nothing bad.
05:59There you have it, America. I guess Bernie and Matt can't say whatever you want. All right, I learned my
06:05lesson. End of story.
06:07Sorry, America, I guess it's a short one tonight, and I don't think I need to tap any loose ends,
06:13you know what I mean?
06:14So, what could I possibly say right now? What could be said?
06:18Come on, Mr. Cooley, what do you mean we got a problem?
06:21No, I said potential problem.
06:24Potential problem?
06:26Well, Mr. Mack, the teacher doesn't want to talk out of turn, but she's concerned about your choice of words
06:31around the children. They seem hostile to her.
06:34Hostile? Cooley, I ain't said nothing hostile to those kids.
06:38Weren't you angry about a phone bill?
06:40Yeah, I was angry. I mean, I wasn't angry with what I said. Um, I know she told you what
06:47I said.
06:47Well, once again, she didn't want to talk out of turn.
06:50Somebody don't want to talk out of turn. She sure is bumping her gums.
06:53Mr. Mack.
06:53Now, come on, Cooley, you know me for a while now. I'm a good person. I do good about those
06:57kids, man.
06:59You know, and I mean, to some other kids, I'd probably be a role model.
07:05I'm not going to file a report. This was obviously a misunderstanding.
07:10All right, fine. That's what I'm talking about. So we cool there, right?
07:12Well, just one word of advice. I know her kind. She's one of those touchy-feely Berkeley types.
07:18Just be extra careful what you say around her, especially in anger.
07:23Oh, come on now, Cooley, come on.
07:25Then you won't have to have somebody like me coming around and wasting your time.
07:36I'm going to go play.
07:37No, you don't. You're going to sit right there and you're going to wait on your sister.
07:40Come on, Uncle Bernie.
07:42Jordan, I said sit there and wait on your sister. That's what I mean.
07:46You on a race?
07:49No, I don't want a race. I just want to sit right here and I'm going to wait on your
07:52sister.
07:54There she is.
07:56Jordan, no, you don't.
07:58You better not have to put a dick in my car, I swear.
08:01Let it be a dick. Put your hand right in the door and smash it. I'm not kidding.
08:04Every time I try to tell you something...
08:06Oh, Jordan! What's wrong with you? Are you blind? Huh?
08:11What did I do to put some sense in your head, Jordan?
08:13Beat you in the head with a dictionary? It ain't going to do no good.
08:16Cause you ain't going to see it coming. The big, thick pop bottle glasses you got on.
08:21Jordan, I cut it. You make me so doggone, ain't going to just want to wring your neck, you stupid
08:25little beetle.
08:29Hi, Uncle Bernie.
08:31Stupid little beetle?
08:33Oh, Lord.
08:38Hey.
08:43The boy did in my car, Cooley.
08:45I'm not saying that you're not justified.
08:47Who's saying that?
08:48I get peeved myself. You're not a bad man. It's just the words you chose.
08:53Cooley.
08:54Look, it's not like I'm here to take away the kids.
08:58You know what, Cooley? That's not a bad idea. That's the solution. You need to take away the kids. I'm
09:03a bad man, Cooley.
09:05Okay, Mr. Mack, if I thought you were serious, I'd be worried, but I know that your heart's in the
09:09right place, okay?
09:13Okay, man. That's it.
09:14Well, not quite. I'm going to have to visit you periodically over the next week for observation.
09:20What?
09:21Just to make sure this isn't a hostile environment.
09:25See, Cooley, there you go again with that doggone word, hostile. What do you mean by hostile?
09:29Well, it's just standard procedure.
09:30Oh, Cooley.
09:33Mr. Mack, this is nothing to be overly concerned about. Just watch your words.
09:41Watch my words. Come on, America. How am I supposed to watch my words?
09:49What the hell is this?
09:55Let's move on.
10:02What?
10:03Did you remember to sign my permission slip for the Covina meet?
10:07You do your homework?
10:09Yeah.
10:10All over your math?
10:11Yeah.
10:17Well, Nessa, if you did your homework, you know that your permission slip inside your math book.
10:22Nessa, you just lied to me. Just for letting you spend two days in your room.
10:26Two days? That's not fair.
10:29You know what? You're right. Let's make it three. Two plus one is three. You know that if you did
10:33your math.
10:34But...
10:34But nothing. What you mean, but? You keep on talking, you get a life sentence. You'll never see the sun.
10:41Now go to your room, Nessa. Little liar.
10:46Baby girl, come on, put some clothes on.
10:48I need a Barbie.
10:50Baby, baby girl. Look, look. It's too cold for you to wear that. You're gonna mess around, you're gonna get
10:58sick.
10:58But Beach Barbie was a bikini.
11:01But Beach Barbie can't catch a cold, baby.
11:04Mm-hmm.
11:05Okay. You wanna wear that? You'll catch the flu. And if you catch the flu and start throwing up, I'm
11:11not gonna do nothing. And if you start throwing up, I'm gonna make you lyin' it. Now you wanna do
11:16that?
11:16No.
11:17Baby girl, could you please put on some clothes?
11:20Okay.
11:27Now that's good parenting.
11:32Joy, put that ice cream up. You're about to eat dinner in a few minutes.
11:35Aw, but I'm hungry now.
11:36I didn't ask you that. I said put it up.
11:38Aw, come on, Uncle Bernie.
11:40If I tell you again, Jordan, you'll be holding the cart into the lump I put on your head. Put
11:43it up.
11:43Aw.
11:56What's that you writing, Jordan?
11:58Nothing.
12:00Let me see.
12:01Whoa.
12:03State of California, Department of Social Service. What the hell is this?
12:06That's a standard social services form.
12:09For what?
12:10Well, sometimes in our passionate expressiveness, we can be careless with the words we choose.
12:16And this is just a little exercise to help us with our awareness. It's an awareness exercise.
12:21Oh, Cooley, I'm aware. I'm aware. I got a couple of stool pitches trying to send me down the doggone
12:27river, Cooley.
12:28No, Mr. Mack. They're just writing down your words.
12:31Uh, Princess, uh, Vanessa said here that you would lock her in her room and she would never see the
12:38sun?
12:38Uh-uh. Not Cooley, Cooley. That was taken out of context.
12:42Well, not seeing the sun in any context is harsh.
12:45Let's move on.
12:47Okay.
12:48Jordan said he'd have to hold ice cream to the lump you gave him on his head.
12:53No, no, no, no. I'm not going down for that. I was referring to the ice cream.
12:59Well, a lump on a child's head is hostile.
13:01Okay. What'd you suggest I say? Not? Bump? Contusion?
13:06I'm just saying that a head injury to a child is inappropriate.
13:10Oh. That's bull. Can you believe this? They got the kid's diamond on me. All right? Cool.
13:20Let them twist Bernie Mac words to sound like they're angry or hostile.
13:25I'll tell you what I'm going to do, America. I'm going to slap the taste out of their mouth.
13:29That's right. I can see them now. Uncle Bernie, I can't taste my breakfast.
13:32That's because Uncle Bernie slapped the taste out of your mouth.
13:35Did I go too far?
13:37Stew pigeons. Rats. Tricks.
13:40How would you like a four-knuckle tattoo?
13:44No, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on now, Cooley. I never said nothing.
13:50Let's move on.
13:53Jump down your throat and stomp on your liver?
13:57Cooley, hold on. You know that's not even physically possible. You know that, Cooley.
14:01Nanny Nanny Boo Boo, stick your head in doo-doo.
14:07What? That's good, right?
14:09I'm going shopping for a tiny pink coffin?
14:14Look here. I was talking about the little Barbie doll.
14:17And no way in Hague I was talking about a little baby girl like that.
14:20Come on. You know I wouldn't say nothing like that. Cooley, I swear. Come on.
14:23I can't even... but I will...
14:26See, that's... I can't say...
14:30All right. Fine. Fine.
14:34I ain't saying nothing.
14:40I ain't saying nothing.
14:41No.
14:42I ain't saying nothing about me.
14:45No, you don't.
14:46Yes, I do!
14:47No, you do!
14:48No, baby. Be quiet!
14:50No, stupid jerk.
14:51John, cut it out!
14:53Yeah?
14:53Leave me alone. No one gets away.
14:55No, you do!
14:55Yes, I do!
14:57No, I don't!
14:57Yes, you do!
14:58No, I don't!
14:59Yes, you do, little baby!
15:01No, I don't!
15:02Yes, you do, little ugly baby!
15:03So, so, so, so, what happened?
15:05Yo, all kinds of stuff.
15:08You know, she had this little paddle.
15:10Wanted me to act like a naughty boy.
15:15This girl was fine, too, man.
15:18I'll take a spanking from her.
15:19Would you take one now?
15:22Give me all the chips, baby, all the chips.
15:25Yes, sir.
15:27I can't get nothing.
15:28Hey, I took five dollars off your dresser for nail polish.
15:31Okay.
15:35Hey, man.
15:37Uh-huh.
15:38You all right?
15:38Yeah, yeah.
15:40I'm fine.
15:40I think she said she took your money, man.
15:42Uh-huh.
15:43Yo, yo, yo, man.
15:44You want me to handle up on this?
15:47Good fella.
15:48I'm fine.
15:50Come on.
15:50I thought we were going to play cards.
15:51Okay, I'll deal then.
15:53Just deal the cards.
15:55All right.
15:55Bernie.
15:57You sure you all right, man?
16:01I'm fine.
16:02You all right?
16:04What last time you had a physical?
16:05Uh, six months ago.
16:06You checked your hand?
16:07I said I'm fine.
16:08You fine?
16:09Deal the damn cards.
16:10Deal them.
16:11All right.
16:11All gone, man.
16:12I'm fine.
16:12Okay.
16:13Damn.
16:13Let's play some cards.
16:14Okay.
16:20Oh, Chewy Bear.
16:22I hate them.
16:24Hey!
16:25Jordan, baby girl.
16:27Stop it, please.
16:33What you looking at?
16:35Did I say anything to you when you picked about, what, 15, 16 items?
16:39Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking to you.
16:41You don't want to start it.
16:43Now, you better walk away.
16:44Oh, yeah.
16:45Walk away and judge somebody else's kids.
16:47That's right.
16:48What everybody looking at?
16:49I'm tired of everybody all in my business.
16:51America, you know what needs to be done.
16:53You know what they need.
16:54I can't do nothing.
16:55My hand's tied.
16:56Look.
16:56They took that away from me.
16:59America, I am truly sorry about that.
17:01I just couldn't hold it in.
17:03I shouldn't have taken it out on her.
17:06If any one of you all know her out there,
17:08please tell her that Bernie Mac is sorry.
17:10Please.
17:12I know better.
17:12That one brought up better.
17:13That big mama gave me home candy.
17:15I just think like I drank or something.
17:17I don't, ain't it?
17:30Wanda!
17:32What's wrong, baby?
17:33Come here.
17:36Bernie, are you all right?
17:39No, I ain't all right.
17:39I almost broke my doggone neck
17:41because you got a mean pair of shoes up in here.
17:43Why you got so many shoes?
17:44You only got two feet.
17:45Bernie, I'm not gonna argue with you about these shoes.
17:47I'm not arguing, Wanda.
17:49I'm just telling you how I feel.
17:53What's going on?
17:57Wanda, I can't take it.
17:58I swear I can't take it.
17:59I keep biting my tongue around these kids.
18:01I'm gonna pop.
18:02I'm gonna lose it.
18:03I can't be myself.
18:03I can't beat Bernie Mac.
18:05If I can't beat Bernie Mac, this house is gonna come out.
18:07Somebody gotta pay the price.
18:09You all I got.
18:13You hold me, baby.
18:24Jordan says you gave him a threatening look.
18:27But you know what?
18:27I'm not gonna put that down.
18:29And Vanessa says that you mumbled something incoherently.
18:32That's not a big deal.
18:34So it seems like things have gotten a lot better.
18:36Yeah, Uncle Bernie's been on excellent behavior.
18:39His word choice has been phenomenal.
18:42I learned that.
18:44Yeah, he's much more pleasant to be around.
18:46That's great.
18:47Okay.
18:48Mr. Mac, you have anything to add?
18:51Nothing?
18:53What, Cooley?
18:55Anything I say gonna get twisted around.
18:57You gonna write down that little pad.
18:58Actually, no.
18:59Anything that's said within this meeting is between us and goes no further.
19:03It's completely confidential.
19:04Completely confidential?
19:05Yes, like an attorney-client privilege.
19:07Really?
19:08Yes.
19:09So I can, uh, uh, say anything I want, right?
19:11As long as it's within the context of this meeting.
19:14So I can talk about grabbing somebody by the ponytail,
19:17shaking their head till they're damn near dizzy,
19:19till water starts pouring out their eyes.
19:20You know what I mean?
19:21I can talk about that, can I, Cooley?
19:23And you, Jordan.
19:24You know, doggone well, you're not supposed to throw no candy.
19:26Matter of fact, you're not supposed to throw anything.
19:28I should've put a dent in your head the same way you did my car.
19:31Okay?
19:32It's all right for me to do that, Cooley?
19:33And you, baby girl, yeah, you just too cute.
19:36That's the only way you get away with it.
19:38But that's not gonna last.
19:39You just last two and you're around six.
19:41What are you, five and three quarters?
19:43Yeah.
19:43Then you be right along with them.
19:45And you know what?
19:46When you get with them, stop!
19:48I'm gonna slap all three of y'all.
19:49Well, I feel so much better, Cooley.
19:51I feel...
19:54See, the beauty of it, you already had the real Birdie Mack two-peed.
19:57Pow pow!
19:58So you ain't gonna see the second one, cause the first one better knock you out.
20:01Oh, Mr. Mack, I can no longer be a party to this abusive tirade.
20:05No, come on, Cooley.
20:06I can't keep watching what I say in front of these kids.
20:08It gonna come out like this.
20:10You leave me no other choice.
20:12Jordan, you got one more time to sit at that breakfast table,
20:15and chew your food with your mouth over, breathing through your nose.
20:17I'm gonna get you a jab in the bread basket.
20:20I'll clear that clip of your sinuses.
20:22Oh, Mr. Mack.
20:22No, no, no.
20:23You're not there, Cooley.
20:24You don't see him every morning.
20:26This has got to stop.
20:27This has been going on for over an hour.
20:29Look here, Cooley.
20:30I'm just starting to enjoy myself.
20:32Well, I ask you.
20:33You gonna come tomorrow?
20:34I wasn't planning to.
20:35Well, come on.
20:36Hey, kids.
20:37Don't y'all wanna see Brad Cooley tomorrow?
20:38Say yeah.
20:39Please, Mr. Cooley.
20:40Make him stop.
20:43Very good, Mr. Mack.
20:44Very good.
20:46Bernie Mack is back, baby.
20:48I can say what I want again.
20:50Well, for the most part.
20:51But you know what I'm talking about.
20:52Life is good, America.
20:54Life is good.
20:56These kids taking me through all that.
20:58They're just a pain in the ass.
20:59That's what they are.
21:01America's just a pain in the ass.
21:04Y'all got kids, you know.
21:06I just deal with mine up front.
21:08I don't go behind the curtain, you know.
21:10It's a pain in the ass.
21:12Ooh, every time you notice a kid around,
21:13when your booty starts hurting, a kid around.
21:15Somebody saw a kid in the clothes.
21:16Who's my booty hurting?
21:17Saw a kid somewhere.
21:18But it's...
21:20It's children.
21:21Brianna, what did you just say Billy was?
21:24I said Billy was a pain in the...
21:26Ass?
21:31I understand, baby.
21:33We should watch what we say in front of Brianna, though.
21:37Honestly, baby, I didn't know she was over there.
21:39I didn't mean nothing by it.
21:41She over there eavesdropping.
21:44Honey, I think it's more than that.
21:46You know, when it was just you and me in the house,
21:48certain things we could do,
21:50certain things we could say,
21:52but we had a hospital with kids, where...
21:59Did you pay the bill?
22:01Did you pay the bill?
22:01I don't know.
22:02You know, don't laugh.
22:04You're right, you're right.
22:06Go, go.
22:07Go, go.
22:08Go, go, go.
22:08Hang on.
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