The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:01.
00:15Just sit on me!
00:17Get off!
00:18Get out of it!
00:19Get out of here!
00:24This is a strange way.
00:33How y'all doin'? You know, look, I'm supposed to be a comedian, and I'm living in tragedy.
00:40See, I'm taking care of my sister's kids, you know, until she get out of rehab.
00:44You know, they're my guests, but they ain't like they live here.
00:48You know, guests are supposed to be polite. Guests don't want to be a bother.
00:52I know what I'm talking about, because, see, I'm the perfect guest.
00:55You think about it, America, every week you invite me into your home.
01:00Oh, by the way, I want to say thank you.
01:03I'll tell a few jokes, now I'm out.
01:05Total time, 21 minutes. Tops.
01:08But see, the point is, I don't overstay my work.
01:12See, see, we got a saying in show business.
01:15You always leave them wanting more.
01:17Now those kids, they don't leave me wanting more.
01:41Somebody been using my toothbrush.
01:44Oh, that was Brianna.
01:46Brianna has a toothbrush. It's got Barney all on it.
01:49Yes, well, she saw her Aunt Wanda brushing her teeth with the big people's toothbrush, so...
01:56What did you do?
01:58I brushed my teeth with big people's brush.
02:01And now I have big teeth. See?
02:04She was so cute, I couldn't stop her.
02:09Well, she wasn't going to use my soap.
02:13All right.
02:13They think there's some kind of hotel and everything in it is complimentary.
02:19Need soap? Try Bernie's. It's complimentary.
02:22And why not use Bernie's dental floss?
02:24It's provided for your convenience.
02:26And last but not least, please feel free to use Bernie's toilet
02:30because it's sanitized for your protection.
02:32Hey, gentlemen.
02:33Thanks, Uncle Bernie.
02:34What?
02:56You see my sports action magazine?
03:00You see my sports action magazine with a football player preview on the cover?
03:03My door was shut.
03:05Have you seen it?
03:05No.
03:11I see. You're setting it right on in. You're making yourself right at home, huh, Nessa?
03:15Got your pictures up. Look at that.
03:17Posters with Kobe Bryant. You like Kobe Bryant?
03:19He's all right.
03:20He's all right?
03:22Shoot, he's more than all right with those baby like George move going through the...
03:25Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:26Pearl and... ow!
03:27They lay the ball up.
03:29Boy, look at that.
03:30Bam!
03:30I knew it!
03:32I knew that's what you get when you try to fake out Bernie Mac.
03:35You get schooled.
03:36Come on, let's see it.
03:39Look at this.
03:41This was a collector's edition.
03:44But does she care?
03:46Hell no.
03:47I don't get no may I please or can I borrow it.
03:50Everything complimentary.
03:52Bad for the taking.
03:54This doesn't belong to her.
03:56Who does it belong to?
03:57Me.
03:58Bernie Mac.
03:59They think this is Hotel Bernie where kids check in but they don't check out.
04:03Now you hold on, America.
04:05I wouldn't say kids will like cockroaches.
04:07I wouldn't do that.
04:09But I'll just compare the two species and you make the call.
04:12First of all, both pests get into your food.
04:17Who touched my famous Amos?
04:20Both pests get under your feet.
04:23Ah!
04:24God!
04:24God!
04:25Ah!
04:27Ah!
04:29Ah!
04:29Ah!
04:31Both scatter when you turn the lights on.
04:34Ah!
04:35That's it with the guns!
04:36Yeah, yeah!
04:36I got you!
04:37I got you!
04:37I knew y'all!
04:39Stop touching my famous Amos!
04:41Yes.
04:42See, what we have here is infestation of kids.
04:46It's small.
04:47But if not careful, those kids can spread all over the house.
04:50But see, I'm lucky.
04:52Early detection is the key to containment.
04:55Now see, all I have to do now is just draw the line.
04:59Okay, we're done with that.
05:01Now we're gonna move on to Marshmallow Puff.
05:03Now you see these kids?
05:04Look.
05:04I'm gonna draw a new line.
05:06See that?
05:06Look at that line right there.
05:08Now let me explain something to you.
05:09You walk and eat all the Marshmallow Puff you want.
05:12Down to this line.
05:13When you get down to this line, Bernie Puff.
05:16No more puff.
05:17That's enough puff.
05:18You done had enough puff.
05:19Eat all the puff you want.
05:21After that, Bernie's Puff.
05:22Now peanut butter, that's a little different.
05:25You look at all the peanut butter you got.
05:26I don't care about peanut butter that much.
05:27But when you get down to that line right there, it's Bernie's Butter.
05:31This yours, below the line, Bernie's Butter.
05:34Now let me explain this to you.
05:35This is kind of chicken.
05:36Root beer, a little different.
05:38Bernie drinks all the root beer he wants to get to this line.
05:42Below that line, I don't care no more because it loses its fears.
05:45Now I really don't want it, so I don't care.
05:47You all can drink all you want.
05:48Bernie, what are you doing?
05:49I'm teaching the kids a new system.
05:51Hey, above the line, kids, below the line, off limits.
05:55Bernie.
05:55Yes.
05:56Can I talk to you?
05:57Sure.
05:58Remember, above the line, kids, below the line, off limits.
06:01Say it.
06:01I can't believe you.
06:03What?
06:04Those kids are not your roommates.
06:07I know that.
06:08Roommates pay rent.
06:09All right.
06:10Is this the way you want to play, like a child?
06:13Fine.
06:14Let's play.
06:15Until you start treating those kids like they're welcome here, below this line, off limits.
06:24But that's Bernie Mac's pup.
06:26Taking away what's below the belt.
06:28Now that's below the belt.
06:30It's extortion, I tell you.
06:31And I'm not having it.
06:33You can't blackmail this blackmail.
06:36Bernie Mac's strong.
06:37I can hold out.
06:39You watch.
06:42Below this line, eh?
06:43You okay?
06:50Walk with me, Lord.
06:55I've been doing a lot of thing in America, and I've come to a revelation.
07:00Those kids aren't my house guests.
07:02They're my family.
07:04And I think family should be treated like family.
07:14I've solved the error of my ways.
07:18I'm okay.
07:20You don't have to take this walk with me.
07:22I got faith.
07:27I told you I could do it, baby.
07:28You do good, baby.
07:29Mm.
07:30I got something for you.
07:31You don't have to get the whole store.
07:33Each of you all get one snack.
07:35One.
07:36Therefore, everybody have a second.
07:39Snack.
07:39Snack.
07:40Snack.
07:40What's wrong with y'all?
07:41You put this back.
07:43Put that back.
07:44Ho, ho, ho, ho.
07:46Let's go.
07:47Back.
07:49B, this is not a snack.
07:51I'm gonna make you send it.
07:52You're not gonna put nothing in it.
07:54You're gonna put it back.
07:56A telescope?
07:58Son, you got to be crazy.
07:59Put it back.
08:00But I need it.
08:01You need it, son.
08:02I didn't appreciate the totality of your argument.
08:04I said put it back.
08:05But I wanna see stars.
08:07You're gonna see stars.
08:08Put it back.
08:10I don't know what's wrong with you, kids.
08:14Listen.
08:15We're not here to get toys or telescopes.
08:18We're here to get snacks.
08:19And snacks only.
08:20You understand that?
08:21Jeez.
08:23I just wanna be able to take your kids to the store
08:25without the risk of having a coronary infraction.
08:27Is that asking too much?
08:29See, your problem is you all don't know the volume of a dollar.
08:34And that's okay.
08:36Uncle Bernie's gonna teach you.
08:37So, therefore, I've decided to give you all an allowance.
08:41Yay!
08:42We get money!
08:44No, baby.
08:44You don't get money.
08:45You earn money by doing chores.
08:48And at the end of the week, you all will receive $5.
08:51You can buy whatever you wanna buy.
08:53You'll have to ask me or Auntie Wanda for any money.
08:56Okay.
08:57Now, come on.
08:58We got pizza.
08:58Thanks.
09:00Pepperoni.
09:01Yeah.
09:02Look here.
09:03You all gonna love this.
09:05I have invented a choy wheel.
09:08Look.
09:09See that?
09:10See, B?
09:14It says I gotta do the dishes.
09:16That's right.
09:17And you gotta empty out the trash.
09:19I'm allergic to dust.
09:21Okay.
09:21Well, you take the garbage can to the curb.
09:24Uncle Bernie?
09:25Yes, baby?
09:26What can I do?
09:27Yeah.
09:27You make the bed every morning.
09:29Now, listen up.
09:30This is very important.
09:31And you promise to give me one of those pretty smiles every day.
09:35Can you do that for me?
09:36I can do it.
09:38Now, hold on.
09:39We gotta save some for tomorrow.
09:40Okay?
09:41Now, give your dish to Vanessa so she can wash it.
09:44Come on.
09:45Come on, Mom.
09:46What's happening?
09:47This girl is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
09:49Boy, this is gonna be all right.
09:52We got a system.
09:55dapat Barbie note
09:55Who saw her boyfriend?
09:58Therapy.
10:09Oy.
10:11Alright수.
10:12Play, 손.
10:19Department.
10:20P Condé line rate.
10:20Yeah, that's quitelympic.
10:20You have to invite the aboveYN.
10:20Good luck.
10:20Thumbard you got me.
10:21I think I can pick the molecules I got to.
10:21YouUs art northly.
10:22Let's call me on.
10:23Lots of salad diamonds.
10:23Then, go.
10:24Hard work. Hard work. Hard work.
10:33Good job. One, two, three, four, five for you.
10:38Five for you. What's wrong with you?
10:42Oh, give me this. Here.
10:50Bernie. Bernie, get up.
10:53Huh? Get up. The garbage truck is here.
10:55So, no one take the cans out. What?
10:59Oh, boy.
11:07Jordan. Jordan!
11:09Why didn't you take the garbage out? I don't know.
11:13What you mean you don't know? That's how you get your allowance, son. Don't you want your allowance?
11:17I want mine.
11:19Look at this room. Like a pigsty in here. What is that smell?
11:27What the heck is this?
11:32Mmm. Booty.
11:33Let me see what else you all ain't done around here. Where's that chow wheel?
11:38That got thrown out while we were cleaning.
11:40You threw it out?
11:40Yeah, we did all the stuff on the chow wheel.
11:43That's what you did once.
11:45You all supposed to do this every day.
11:47Well, you should have told us.
11:48It's hard to tell y'all anything right now.
11:51I'm getting weak up in here from the smell.
11:55Y'all get up and start cleaning this room up right now.
11:57Come on. Don't make no doggone sense.
11:59Get up. Clean it up. Here.
12:01No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
12:04no, no, no, no, no.
12:13Now, Jordan, where'd you get this from?
12:18I'm gonna ask you one more time.
12:20Where did you get this from?
12:22From you.
12:23I didn't give you no money to buy this.
12:24Yes, you did.
12:25When?
12:26Did you say you wanted Preventil or the generic inhaler?
12:29What's the difference?
12:30Well, the generic's only $8.
12:33Generic?
12:36I can't believe you, Jordan.
12:38You're a little sneak.
12:40Jordan, did you really?
12:42Uh-oh.
12:45It's funny.
12:47You're in big troubles, young man.
12:49I mean big trouble.
12:50You can't punish him.
12:52You watch and see if I don't.
12:53You're just mad because he played you.
12:55Let me tell you something right now.
12:56The boy didn't play me.
12:58He stole from me.
12:59Just call it the way it is.
13:01The boy stole.
13:02You sit right there until I figure out how to punish you.
13:06You all get out.
13:08Out!
13:11I'm disappointed in you, Jordan.
13:17Look here, Mary.
13:19You think I want to punish the boy?
13:20I don't want to punish the boy, but I have to.
13:22That child got to learn right from wrong.
13:25I'm gonna be honest with you.
13:26It's gonna hurt me a lot more than it's gonna hurt him.
13:31All right, listen, boo.
13:32But you know what?
13:34The punishment ball's rolling.
13:35My hands are tied.
13:39I don't know, Bernie.
13:41No TV for a month?
13:43Aren't you coming down a little hard on him?
13:45The boy stole from me, baby.
13:46What'd you propose I do?
13:47I don't know.
13:49How would your father have punished you?
13:51Shit.
13:52My father?
13:53He probably used a non-confrontational approach.
13:56But, babe, I know it ain't working here.
13:58Why not?
13:58Because I'm not walking out on you and them kids.
14:01What's done is done.
14:02I made my decision.
14:13That's right, let it get good and cold,
14:15because you're gonna finish every bite.
14:18You could have at least given Jordan dessert
14:20before you sent him to his room.
14:21The boy should have bought some cookies
14:23when he went on that spinning spree.
14:25He did.
14:26What'd you say?
14:27Nothing, warden.
14:29You can go in the room with John.
14:31Better than listening to you.
14:32Don't walk away from me, Nessa.
14:34Nessa!
14:37Fine!
14:38You just keep right on walking.
14:40You go right in there with your brother
14:42and stay with him, Nessa.
14:46I'm about sick of this.
14:47I'm glad this happened.
14:48What time for me and you to get it on?
14:50What?
14:50Where's Jordan?
14:51Baby girl, find your brother
14:53and tell him I say get his skinny butt down here right now.
14:57And now back to you.
14:58I hate it here.
14:59You ain't gotta stay here, Nessa.
15:01Ain't nobody keeping you.
15:01You can leave.
15:02Monica, I'll help you.
15:04You know, where you wanna go?
15:06Monte Carlo?
15:07San Tropez?
15:08You better pack real heavy,
15:09and I heard it get real chilly down there.
15:12I don't understand you kids.
15:13I'll get y'all everything.
15:14That ain't enough.
15:15Y'all don't want it all.
15:16Uncle Bernie?
15:18What?
15:18I can't find Jordan.
15:20I looked everywhere.
15:33Baby?
15:34I looked in the cellar.
15:35He's not there.
15:36Bernie, look.
15:37He left his medicine.
15:39Uncle Bernie?
15:41Is Jordan gone?
15:43No, he's around, baby.
15:44He's around.
15:45We're gonna go look for him.
15:46He's only been gone 10 minutes.
15:47He can't be that far.
15:52Come on, come on.
15:53Is this my fault?
15:55Was I too hard on him?
15:58Oh, Lord.
15:59What was I thinking, punishing a boy like that?
16:02He can't live without TV.
16:04He's just a boy.
16:04He's just a child.
16:06Why didn't you stop me, America?
16:07You know I don't know what I'm doing.
16:10I'm new at this.
16:11Don't worry about it, baby.
16:12We're gonna find her.
16:14We're gonna find her.
16:15I bet you that's a chick all night.
16:16Don't worry, baby.
16:17We're gonna find her.
16:18Nessa, I need you to think of where your brother could be.
16:21I don't know.
16:22Think, Nessa.
16:23Doggone think.
16:23Hey, I'm not the one who made him leave.
16:25He the one stole.
16:26I didn't make him leave nowhere.
16:27Stop it, YouTube.
16:28This isn't helping.
16:29Right, Nessa.
16:30This ain't helping.
16:31Sorry, guardian.
16:33She called me a guardian.
16:35I deserve it.
16:37The girl's right.
16:40But I know one thing.
16:42I'll tell you later.
16:43I gotta go find that boy.
16:46Hush, my child.
16:49And don't cry.
16:53Your folks might understand you.
16:56By and by.
16:59Just move on up.
17:02Toward your destination.
17:06Though you may find from time to time.
17:10Complication.
17:29And take a trip.
17:33Though there may be.
17:36Wet road ahead.
17:37And you cannot slip.
17:41Just move on up.
17:42Just move on up.
17:44But please, you'll find.
17:48Into the skateboard.
17:50Beautiful.
17:51Beautiful.
17:55I never, never meant for none of this to happen.
17:57You know that, baby.
17:58You know that.
18:01Love all you kids.
18:02I mean, every last one.
18:04If he didn't happen to one of y'all, I'll die.
18:06There's something on the roof.
18:08What?
18:09Baby, that's Jordan.
18:11He's on the roof.
18:11Jordan!
18:14What's he holding?
18:15Lord.
18:17Jordan!
18:17I know Uncle Bernie's been hard on you, son.
18:20But please, don't take it out on the neighborhood, baby.
18:22That boy got it right.
18:23It's a telescope.
18:24What?
18:29Jordan!
18:31Jordan!
18:33Jordan!
18:33Son!
18:35What you doing up here?
18:37You got us worried sick about you.
18:39I don't want to see it.
18:41I can't.
18:43I can't see it.
18:45You can't see what?
18:47The Seaf's Tower.
18:49The Seaf's Tower?
18:52That's in Chicago.
18:53I know.
18:54I'll see home.
18:55I'll see home.
18:59Home?
19:00Yes.
19:04Oh, Jordan.
19:06You want to see a real home.
19:09You miss your mom.
19:12How about that?
19:14All this time, I'm thinking how to spoil those kids.
19:18I'll take them whatever they want.
19:20I never realized what they really want is to be back in the project.
19:24is that the most stupid thing you ever heard all those beautiful stupid kids i love you know
19:34jordan i know sometimes you miss your mom but your mom needs you to be here right now
19:45and i know sometimes man make you feel like you're in the way
19:52and that's wrong jordan
19:58as long as you're here i want you to feel like you're at home
20:03because see we family
20:07and family need to be at home you understand
20:13come on son
20:16let's go inside
20:18can i watch tv
20:25yeah you can watch tv why wouldn't you be able to watch tv
20:39y'all thought he had me didn't
20:44you never know
20:47be careful
20:52doggy doggy doggy
20:53doggy doggy doggy
20:58doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy
21:12doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy
21:12doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy
21:12doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy
21:17doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy
21:17doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy doggy dog
21:23Oh, Nessa, come here.
21:25I gotta go.
21:30I ain't gonna never understand that child.
21:33Never.
21:39No, boy, don't flush it.
21:41No, no!
21:42Ah!
21:44Ah!
21:46Ah!
21:47Blush it!
21:48Ah!
21:49Ah!
21:57No, boy, don't flush it!
21:59No!
22:00No!
22:00No!
22:01Ah!
22:03What the...
22:04Ah!
22:05Ah!
22:07Ah!
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