The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:17Ah, chicka mister, boy it tripped me out how they body just falling apart like that.
00:23Boy these video games, I love them.
00:25It's a great way to work off your aggression.
00:27And Bernie Mac got a lot of aggression.
00:31You know Bernie Mac's situation.
00:33My sister, you know, she's taking a state sponsor vacation.
00:36You know, she got a little problem with drugs.
00:38Now my wife Wanda and I, we taking care of her kids.
00:42Don't remind me, them doggone kids.
00:45I like to tear their doggone head off, blast them to a million pieces, shut them up for good.
00:56Now hold on, America.
00:58I know what you think.
00:59And you're wrong.
01:01Bernie Mac is not a violent man.
01:03This is what Bernie Mac does to relax.
01:05Because in real life, we don't sell our differences this way.
01:09That would be wrong.
01:12We're not animals.
01:14Despite a reputation for being solitary, wolves are seldom without company.
01:19And when they hunt, they hunt in packs.
01:22Jordan, what's she doing in the house watching TV?
01:25It's beautiful outside.
01:27You think we live in Los Angeles for the culture?
01:30I'm watching the Discovery Channel.
01:31Son, you can watch this crap any time.
01:34Now go outside and meet some of the boys.
01:36No, but I want to see what happens.
01:37The lion eats the hyena.
01:38Now give me this glass and go outside and enjoy yourself.
01:41Uh-huh.
01:43I had a young kid, man.
01:45Couldn't get her to stay in no doggone house.
02:04When the wolf pack spies a prospective prey, it moves in unison, cautiously surrounding it, searching for signs of weakness.
02:12Sensing an opening, the pack works as a unit to keep the prey confused and off balance.
02:18When ready to move in for the kill, the first attack is made by the strongest member of the pack.
02:23This is the alpha wolf.
02:25Okay, hold it right there.
02:29Man, those kids gonna wind up being your best friend.
02:32You watch this, see? You watch.
02:35A fight?
02:38Damn.
02:39Man, was he hurt?
02:41No, no. Just tell him I'm on my way.
02:57See, the problem is, Jordan, my nephew, he's small for his age.
03:01And like most small kids where I come from, they constantly get picked on.
03:05But I'm gonna tell you something, you ain't got to be big to be tough.
03:07You look at one of all time boxing greats, Sugar Ray Litter.
03:12Over here.
03:15What's up, Ray, baby?
03:17How you doing?
03:17Now, my man Ray, he was small, but he was wiry.
03:20He was like those little Japanese cars.
03:22I mean, compact, agile, built for speed and had endurance.
03:26And I can bet you if someone called him a sister...
03:29a hammer doll and make change out of his ass.
03:31Hey, boy.
03:35I'm excited. Let's move on. Let's move on.
03:37Now, Ray, seriously speaking, from a champion perspective,
03:41how would you assess my nephew's skill?
03:44Bernie, it seems to me that Jordan lacks speed.
03:47Uh-huh.
03:47This man has zero self-confidence.
03:50Uh-huh.
03:50And is totally lacking in the fundamentals that make a great fighter.
03:53I mean, he's the loser.
03:57So he definitely gonna get his ass whooped out?
03:59Oh, I would seriously consider homeschooling.
04:07Jordan says that he's sick and doesn't wanna go to school tomorrow.
04:11Is something going on with him?
04:14Mm-mm.
04:15Baby, don't worry about it.
04:16I'll take care, okay?
04:19I don't wanna learn how to fight.
04:21Well, you're gonna learn how to fight.
04:22Get up. Quit being so difficult.
04:24But I'm working on my magic trick.
04:26Give me that doggone magic trick.
04:28What you gonna do if somebody start picking on you?
04:30You gonna disappear?
04:31I don't want to.
04:32Well, you have to.
04:34Now, listen.
04:34The first thing you need to know about defending yourself
04:37is to avoid a fight in the first place.
04:39And what I mean by that, man,
04:41if somebody start picking on you,
04:42you gotta show you can take it.
04:44You gotta come right back and start picking on them.
04:46How do I do that?
04:48Well, um, you can start by insulting their mama.
04:50Huh?
04:51What if I don't know his mama?
04:53We're talking about universal mamas here, Jordan.
04:55It applies to all mamas.
04:56You gotta be inventive.
04:57It's all gone now, Jordan.
04:59See, if you start hitting on somebody,
05:00you gotta hit him when it hurts.
05:02Go for the juggler.
05:03If their mama's fat,
05:04you gotta say something like,
05:05your mama's so fat,
05:06I poured a half a cup of water in the bathtub,
05:08and when she set out, it overflowed.
05:11Uncle Barney, that's me.
05:13What if I like his mama?
05:14You don't know his mama, Jordan.
05:16How you gonna like somebody you don't know?
05:18What if his mama's dead?
05:20His mama being dead ain't got nothing to do with it.
05:22What you talking about your mama dead for?
05:24Look here.
05:26Forget about it, okay?
05:28Forget about it.
05:29We're gonna move on.
05:31We'll go to plan B.
05:33Acting crazy.
05:42Relax, relax.
05:43Jordan, it's just webcreen.
05:44I'm trying to make a point.
05:46See, you gotta make people think you're crazy.
05:48Don't nobody mess with you when you're foaming.
05:54Jordan, listen, listen, listen.
05:56You gotta get loud, man.
05:57You gotta act weird.
05:58Somebody get in your face.
05:59You gotta make them think like you, like you're crazy.
06:02How?
06:02By your body language, your voice, man.
06:05People step to you, man.
06:06Tell them you better back off.
06:08You better back off.
06:09No, no, listen to my voice, man.
06:11Don't mess with me, man.
06:12Don't mess with me, man.
06:14I don't play.
06:15I don't play.
06:16You better back off.
06:18Don't mess with me, man.
06:20Don't mess with me, man.
06:22I don't play.
06:23Don't mess with me, man.
06:23Don't mess with me, man.
06:24I don't play.
06:24I don't play.
06:25Don't mess with me.
06:25You better back off.
06:26I don't play.
06:27Hey! Don't mess with me! Don't get back!
06:29All right, all right, all right!
06:31All right, don't mess with me, man!
06:33I don't play! Get back back off!
06:35I don't play! Don't mess with me!
06:37That's a dead boy walking right there.
06:39Bernie, teaching that boy that violence is the answer is just wrong.
06:43Sweetheart, I'm not teaching that boy no violence.
06:45I'm trying to give him some, uh, schoolyard diplomacy.
06:48Give him some tactics, man, to keep him from fighting.
06:52Baby, I know you.
06:54What you mean by that?
06:57You know that boy needs something, Wanda. He's soft.
06:59He is not soft. He is.
07:01Jordan is a gentle soul. He doesn't like fighting. He likes magic tricks.
07:05What is with this dog on magic tricks, man?
07:07That's what happened to Houdini. That's how he died.
07:10He got his ass kicked over there at the magic shop.
07:12The man hit him in the dog on stomach.
07:14If he knew some of your mama jokes, he might still be alive today.
07:23I wish I knew some magic.
07:26Poof!
07:29What? What?
07:30Jordan!
07:32He said yes!
07:34It's your car. Take it back.
07:36He said yes!
07:38Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, listen to me. Come on, now.
07:40Come on, you mean to tell him after everything I done showed you,
07:42you can't take a toy car from a four-year-old girl.
07:45She's four years old.
07:47Now, relax.
07:48Do what I showed you.
07:50Don't mess with me, I'll play!
07:53Hey, give it back!
07:56Oh, hi.
07:58Oh, Lord.
08:07Ray, the boy's real soft. I mean, soft. He's like liquid. You know? He needs more than fundamentals. He needs
08:14something like divine intervention. And that's why I come in. I was teaching my nephew a few playground moves, man,
08:20in case he'd get in trouble.
08:21First thing I taught him is, if somebody messes with you, you pick up some sand and you throw it
08:26in their face and you take off running. That always worked for me when I was little. You know? Or
08:30you can improvise, especially if you're around some objects. Let me see that book. See here? Like this book that
08:35I was reading. See, look. I'll read it. I'll read it.
08:38I'll read it. Somebody come at you. Bam! It ran into the rest of them. Drop the book and start
08:44running. Oh, boy. I was dangerous when I was coming up, Ray. I'm telling you. No, not Ray. Be honest
08:50with me. The few techniques that I just showed you and the people, what do you think my nephew's chances
08:54are right now?
08:56Don't get too attached to the boy.
08:59You still gonna have trouble?
09:00Yes. Big trouble.
09:09Hey, why'd you do that?
09:11Because it's ugly, like you.
09:14Stop.
09:15Stop!
09:16What are you gonna do, cry, baby?
09:18No, no, but your mama cried when you were born.
09:28Look at that little sissy!
09:34Sorry, Byron.
09:38Oh, my God.
09:44I don't know karate, but I know Carreza.
09:48Yes, we can.
09:49Get around it.
09:51For the big payback.
09:53Hit him.
09:54I'll play.
09:55I'll play.
09:57Hey, hey.
09:58I don't know karate, but I know Carreza.
10:02Yes, we can.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Hey.
10:06How'd it go today, son?
10:07Okay.
10:08I'm gonna play.
10:10Anybody pick on you?
10:12Nope.
10:12Nobody.
10:13I was doing what you told me and acting like you.
10:15Now, nobody bothers me.
10:22Young thang.
10:24Gets out a good day in school today, baby.
10:26Little Harry Potter himself and his magic tricks.
10:30The boy managed to conjure up some self-confidence.
10:34I told you, baby.
10:35All the boy had to do is go to school and act like Bernie Mac.
10:38And I bet nobody messed with him.
10:39I told him that.
10:40He did it, too.
10:41I bet.
10:42What?
10:49Hello?
10:51Who?
10:55Yeah, this Bernie Mac.
10:58Hold on.
10:59Hold on.
10:59Hold on.
10:59Hold on.
11:00How you know your son wasn't picking on him?
11:03And he wasn't defending himself?
11:06No, I ain't calling you no liar.
11:08But I'm saying, you do sound a little high-tempered right now.
11:12And if your son act anything the way you act right now, I can...
11:16Hello?
11:17Uh-uh.
11:20Hey, people, Tripp.
11:21They be calling wrong enough to be Tripp.
11:23Come on, raise up.
11:24Hey, I was listening.
11:26Jordan, I want you to listen.
11:28And listen well.
11:30Because I'm only gonna ask you this one time.
11:32Did you pick a fight in school today?
11:35No.
11:36Because I just got off the phone with the father of the boy who said you did.
11:40I didn't start it.
11:41He was picking on me.
11:43So you were sticking up for yourself, right?
11:45Uh-huh.
11:46You're not lying to me, are you, son?
11:47Uncle Bernie, I promise I'm not lying to you.
11:51He's lying.
11:52He's lying through his flipping teeth.
11:54It's to be expected the boy's a bad seed.
11:57Hey, hey, Father Cronin, I don't believe that.
12:00I mean, George is too soft to lie to my face.
12:03People rarely want to believe their child is the problem.
12:06Don't you think it was hard for the apostles to believe that one of their own would betray Christ?
12:11And yet there he was, Judas, sitting there eating his body and drinking his blood.
12:22Mr. Mack, come take a look-see at your own little Judas.
12:35The nuns refer to him as the Holly Terror.
12:45What's that got you, Joy?
12:46You gonna go around and people gonna fight like that?
12:48Mama.
12:49Who told you to act like that?
12:50You did.
12:51Me?
12:52I didn't tell you to act like a little dog gone bully.
12:54You told me to act like you.
12:56Who said I'm a bully?
12:57I ain't no bully.
12:59I'm gonna show you a dog gone bully.
13:00You come here.
13:07Welcome back.
13:08When you think of boxing big as bullies, you think of men with menacing, icy stares that could freeze their
13:14opponents cold.
13:15Brutes who beat their foes into submission.
13:18Men whose very names struck fear in the hearts of giants.
13:22Men like Sonny Liston.
13:24Big George Foreman.
13:26Mike Tyson.
13:27Bernie Mack.
13:29These bullies are so...
13:29Hold on.
13:30Hey, hey, hey, hey.
13:31Hold on now.
13:32What?
13:32I ain't no bully.
13:34What are you saying?
13:36I'm saying I don't know where you think I'm a bully from.
13:38Well, Bernie, if you check your record out, it's clear.
13:40You've always been a bully.
13:42That's not true.
13:43That ain't true.
13:44Not true?
13:44No.
13:45Okay.
13:46Let's go to videotape.
13:48Hey, baby girl.
13:50Can I watch TV with you?
13:52Okay.
13:53Okay.
13:55Hey.
13:57Hey.
13:58Hey.
14:01Oh, don't cry, Brianna.
14:04Bears gonna win.
14:05Oh, man.
14:10What a terrible mismatch.
14:12A heavyweight versus a flyweight.
14:15Picking on a little girl.
14:17I don't wanna do this no more, Ray.
14:21And now, the main event will be profiling a series of vows between Bernie and his greatest
14:27rival, little Magic Man Jordan.
14:31And now, I'll get to high school.
14:39I beat your record.
14:43J.
14:45O.
14:47R.
14:48D.
14:48Oh, man!
14:50Look what happened.
14:51It just came out.
14:53It just came out.
14:54It just came out.
14:55It just came out.
14:56Get in there, boy, or I'll throw you in!
14:58Oh, I was in your bag.
15:01Shut up.
15:02Oh, I was in your...
15:07Hey, that was my brownie.
15:09Oh, it wasn't.
15:10Yes, it was.
15:12Oh, it was.
15:13Yes, it was.
15:14Oh?
15:15Yes, it was.
15:18It was in a bag with my name on it.
15:22Mmm.
15:23Yeah.
15:25We found it.
15:27Hmm?
15:29Why don't you leave?
15:31Okay.
15:34Bully?
15:40I ain't no bully.
15:43I know y'all don't think I'm no bully, do you?
15:47But y'all can get out of my house, too.
15:49He lucky he left when he did.
15:52Huh, shit.
15:53You mean tired?
15:54He ain't got like that no more.
15:58He gone, ain't he?
16:00Huh.
16:09Jordan, I want to talk to you for a minute.
16:11Move, Uncle Bernie.
16:12I don't play.
16:16That's exactly what I want to talk to you about.
16:18Well, Jordan, look, I apologize to you, okay?
16:22Because first of all, you're right.
16:25I am a bully.
16:26And worse than that, man, I've been teaching you to be a bully.
16:29Well, that's okay, Uncle Bernie.
16:31It works for me.
16:32Now, you can tell on the TV.
16:37Son, you're not listening to me.
16:40I'm trying to teach you that being a bully is wrong.
16:42But I was getting picked on before.
16:44Now nobody picks on me.
16:47I get what I want.
16:49And I even get extra stuff.
16:51Look, I took this penis off of Eugene.
16:54I have a naked lady on it.
16:55Look.
16:55Give me this.
16:57It's not funny.
16:58And this is going back.
17:00But I want you to promise me that you're going to stop being a bully at school, Jordan.
17:05Okay.
17:06Don't okay me.
17:07Look at me and tell me that you're going to stop being a bully.
17:11Okay, Uncle Bernie.
17:13I promise I won't be a bully at school.
17:27Hey, that's mine.
17:29So?
17:30Get another one.
17:31That's the last one.
17:37What is wrong with you?
17:41I want, I want, I want to go to the mall.
17:43I want to.
17:44Jordan and me, I'm on the phone.
17:45Talk please.
17:46I want to go to the mall.
17:47What did I just say?
17:48No, I'm listening.
17:49I said I want to go to the mall.
17:51Now come on.
17:53So why can't that be happening?
17:53I don't play.
17:54I don't play.
17:55Oh boy, it must be out of his mind to talk to me like that.
17:58No, I'm sorry.
17:59I'm listening.
18:00Oh my God.
18:04Give it back.
18:05Give me back my crazy string.
18:08You want your crazy string back?
18:10You want your crazy string back?
18:12Yeah!
18:13Here's your crazy string.
18:16Brian, no!
18:17Ah!
18:19Brian, no!
18:20Ah!
18:22Ah!
18:24Hey, what's going on in there?
18:27It's Jordan.
18:28He's terrorizing the whole house.
18:30Look what he did to Brianna.
18:33It won't come out.
18:35You've got to do something, Bernie.
18:36You made this mess.
18:37You fix it.
18:39You know what to do.
18:41Vanessa.
18:42We don't really need a brother.
18:45Go ahead.
18:46Do your thing.
18:47Wait.
18:49You can't?
18:52Now, that's the problem, America.
18:55You can beat some of the people some of the time, but you can't beat your kids.
18:59But see, this is my fault.
19:01I led by a bad example, and I created a monster.
19:05Now, I have to destroy the monster.
19:08Now, see, with Dracula, you use a wooden stake.
19:11Wolfman, the silver bullet.
19:13And with little boys, you use the belt.
19:17But I've been stripped of my weapons.
19:20So how am I going to protect the villagers?
19:24Bernie Mac doesn't need a belt.
19:27Bernie?
19:28Jordan!
19:30Jordan!
19:31You can't hurt him.
19:32What kind of mess is with that sin?
19:34I can't find him anywhere.
19:35I don't think he's in the house.
19:38There he is.
19:40Get him, Uncle Bernie!
19:41I'm going to get him, too, baby.
19:48Bernie, it looks like he's going to pick a fight with the kids.
19:50I see it, babe.
19:51I see it.
19:51We should stop him.
19:52No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:53This just might be the lesson he deserves.
19:55Come on back.
19:56Come on.
20:05Sometimes when an animal is wounded, it is at its most dangerous.
20:36Tasting blood, an animal's natural instinct.
20:39It's to finish off its prey, except the human animal, which has a conscience.
20:53Son, I am really proud of you.
20:55Why?
20:56I got beat up by a girl.
20:57Man, you hit her down on the ground.
20:59You did the right thing.
21:00You stopped yourself.
21:01She looks really afraid.
21:03I mean, it made me feel bad.
21:05That's good.
21:06You know what that tells you?
21:08You're not a bully.
21:09Well, I guess.
21:11Uncle Bernie, I should give Eugene back his pen.
21:16You think so?
21:20No, son, I think Eugene needs to learn a lesson, too.
21:25You ain't been looking at this, are you?
21:30It's disgusting.
21:39Hey, want some magic trick?
21:41Okay, um...
21:43Okay, I can make a dollar disappear.
21:45I got 20.
21:47All right, let me see it.
21:47One.
21:48All right.
21:49Two.
21:51Three.
21:52Why, you look.
21:53I'm sorry, America.
21:55I did the best I could.
21:56A man got to be who he is.
21:58John!
22:00John!
22:02Watch out, watch out.
22:03Just a lookout.
22:04Excuse me.
22:05Excuse me.
22:06Excuse me.
22:07John!
22:08John!
22:11John!
22:11John!
22:11John!
22:12John!
22:13John!
22:15John!
22:15John!
Comments