The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:17America, Bernie Mac is tired. I mean, dead tired. So I've been on the road for a whole
00:23week, sleeping on planes and hotel rooms, on lumpy, nasty, mat-ridden beds where your feet hang off,
00:31your toes get cold. There ain't nowhere to live, America. So now that I'm back at home, all I want
00:37to do is crawl into my bed. My bed. I'm talking about an extra-thick, posturpedic, with feathered
00:44bed, 1200 thread count, prestige sheets. So warm and comfy, the closest thing you can get to a woman.
00:50I just want to thank all the geese that made this night's rest possible. Thanks, Jim.
01:38The bed again?
01:39Oh, yeah, baby. This doggone baby give me nothing but trouble. She's so dirty for me.
01:45Oh, I finally planted my cherry tree. It is so beautiful, Bernie. I was just waiting
01:50for the right time of the year.
01:52Great, Wanda. I know how excited you are. I know how much it meant to you, so...
01:57I'ma hop in the shower. Get dressed. We're meeting the Richters for dinner at 7.
02:04Bernie, did you hear what I said?
02:05Yeah, baby, I heard you. I didn't know we got to meet the Richters tonight. I thought it was Sunday.
02:09No, Sunday I had to go to Brianna's play. I missed that last week, remember?
02:14Oh, baby, I'm too tired, Wanda. I'm tired.
02:18Bernie, what do you have against the Richters?
02:20The only thing more boring than the Richters is Brianna's play.
02:24No, I take that back. Nothing is more boring than the Richters.
02:29Even if I had the strength, I couldn't take that boring couple.
02:32I ain't got nothing against the Richters, but 8-0 and 7-9, I'm exhausted. I just ain't got nothing
02:38left.
02:38Fine. I'll reschedule.
02:42Thank you, baby. Ain't nothing getting me out of this bed tonight. I'm tired.
02:50Yeah, Mac. What you doing calling this ungodly hour? Clippers ticket?
02:59Michael Jordan and the Wizards, huh?
03:03Well, if I go to the game, Wanda gonna kill me.
03:07But if I miss a chance to see the greatest basketball player of all time, I'm gonna kill myself.
03:13It's a difficult choice.
03:15Michael Jordan or my marriage.
03:18My marriage or Michael Jordan.
03:21Jordan.
03:23Jordan.
03:26Hey, Jordan!
03:30Yeah, I'll be dead tomorrow. See ya.
03:35Jordan. Jordan. I want you to fake an asthma attack. Start wheezing.
03:39Why? There's no school tomorrow.
03:41No, boy. I want you to do it so we can go to Clippers game. Be our little secret. Start
03:45wheezing.
03:46You want me to throw up, too? I can have a seizure.
03:48No. Jordan wheeze.
03:50You want me to swallow my tongue?
03:51No.
03:52Ow!
03:56Hold on!
03:59Boy, good, good.
04:02Hold on!
04:04I'm gonna run the ER, baby.
04:05Let me take them. I know how tired you are.
04:07It's my blood, baby, and blood is more important than sleep.
04:10Do you have your keys?
04:11Yeah.
04:15Watch his head!
04:20You know what else was great?
04:22What?
04:22The giant television screen.
04:24I've never been on TV before.
04:26You think I'm gonna be a star?
04:27True not that you put your finger all the way up your nose.
04:29You was all the way up to the second knuckle.
04:31You know what else was huge?
04:32What?
04:32The players, they were like giants.
04:34Yeah?
04:35Why didn't they let the white guys play?
04:36I don't know, son, but you gotta get rid of that program to incriminate evidence.
04:40Get rid of that.
04:45Hey, hey, Jordan, what you doing?
04:47What you said I shouldn't do?
04:48I'm getting ready to go to the trash can.
04:51Boy, you know, you're a trip.
04:53I guess as long as you have fun, huh?
04:55Yeah, but you know what was my favorite part?
04:57What?
04:58How upset you were when they said Michael Jordan wasn't playing.
05:01I wasn't.
05:01You almost cried.
05:02No, I wasn't upset.
05:03No, I wasn't.
05:04Oh, Lord.
05:05Oh, no, no, no.
05:06That's what I did.
05:08What I do is what I do.
05:09Oh, Lord.
05:10Oh, Lord.
05:11Oh, Lord.
05:11Like that.
05:13Let's move on.
05:16Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
05:21Hello?
05:23Hey, baby.
05:25Yeah, he's fine.
05:26He's a little congested.
05:30Yeah, nothing serious.
05:31He took some x-rays and everything, but he's gonna be fine.
05:33Yeah, we're on our way home.
05:36Okay?
05:37All right, sweetheart.
05:39Bye-bye.
05:40You can stop now, Jordan.
05:42No choking.
05:44Oh, oh.
05:44Jordan?
05:48You all right?
05:57Oh, come on.
06:00Now, don't look at me like that, America.
06:02I mean, the boy was just choking on the press, so that could happen anywhere.
06:05Am I wrong, Billy?
06:07Billy was at the game.
06:08He saw the game.
06:09The boy had a good time to tell him, Billy.
06:10No, it's true.
06:11Hi, how you doing?
06:12I was sitting just a few rows in front of him.
06:14You really got to get some courtside seats.
06:15Well, my friend, he called me the last minute.
06:17Yeah, man, you're sitting way back.
06:19And he lied to me.
06:20Yeah, but I'm sitting in the front row.
06:21I had two rebounds and an assist.
06:23You know, and you're way, way back there.
06:25Anyway, they were having a great time.
06:27It was kind of beautiful.
06:28You know, a boy and his father figure, right?
06:30What could be more American than that?
06:32It was cool.
06:33You see?
06:33You see?
06:34That's what I'm talking about, Billy.
06:35See, see?
06:37That ain't no big deal.
06:38I had the boy take a little asthma attack.
06:40No big deal.
06:41Wait, wait, wait.
06:43You had him fake an asthma attack?
06:45He do it all the time, Billy.
06:48You don't know him.
06:49Oh, I don't understand this.
06:51You had him fake an illness so you could go to a Clipper game?
06:54I just had him do the weeds, and I didn't let him swallow his tongue.
06:57Oh, that's so big of you.
06:59For a Clipper game.
07:01What happens if they make the playoffs?
07:02What do you do then?
07:03You stop his heart?
07:05I mean, asthma's not a funny thing, Bernie, you know?
07:08I had asthma when I was a kid.
07:10I mean, you know, I was born in New York, and I started, you know, getting excited about
07:14things, and before I know it, I'm in Phoenix, you know, because it's dry.
07:17Let's move on, Billy.
07:18And then, you know, it's not funny, and I'd be in, you know, class, and I'd get agitated,
07:21and I'd start to put it in your book.
07:25Anyway, America, I had a good time.
07:27The boy had a good time, and I just gotta get...
07:30I need my breath a lot.
07:32Not funny, man.
07:33It's one last hurdle.
07:34Comedy's not funny.
07:35Not funny.
07:37You're taking the...
07:38You're going over the hill with...
07:39Going over the hill with that, Billy.
07:42He do...
07:43I just want...
07:44He do hard.
07:45He don't ever do hard.
07:46He always...
07:48Cut the camera off.
07:50Cut the camera off.
07:56Help me.
07:58Ronnie, I was so worried.
08:00Shh.
08:00He's sleeping.
08:01But he's fine.
08:03The doctor told me to keep him level.
08:07There you go, America.
08:08The perfect crime.
08:11Oh, don't look at me like that.
08:12It was victimless.
08:14No one got hurt.
08:15As long as Wanda never find out, no one will.
08:29Here you go, sweetie.
08:31I thought you would enjoy these.
08:34Double fudge brownies!
08:36You got right.
08:41What's wrong, Wanda?
08:42Jordan, I was so scared last night.
08:45About what?
08:47All I could think about was you in the emergency room
08:50not being able to breathe.
08:51Oh, you don't have to worry.
08:53I'm fine.
08:54I've been told I have the lung capacity of someone
08:56ten times my age.
08:59Such a brave little soldier.
09:02You relax, and I'll fix your favorite dinner.
09:12But why?
09:13Because dog deception is R-rated, restricted.
09:16No one under 17 admitted without a parent.
09:18And I'm Wanda and I already saw her.
09:20In that discussion, that's...
09:21I can't believe you.
09:23What's the problem, baby?
09:25In four years, you'll be able to rent it.
09:27Get something to afford to.
09:28Uncle Bert.
09:29Yeah.
09:29You know our secret?
09:31I've been thinking.
09:32Maybe we should tell I'm Wanda the truth.
09:35He too doggone.
09:35We oughtn't have a conscience.
09:37She was really worried about me last night.
09:39It made me feel bad.
09:41Jordan, I don't want you to feel bad.
09:43The last thing I want you to do is worry about our Wanda.
09:46See, sometimes in order for us to have a little fun,
09:49we have to bend the truth a little bit.
09:51You mean lie?
09:52No.
09:53Mm-mm.
09:54I don't mean lie.
09:55I mean bend the truth.
09:56There's a difference.
09:57See, we sometimes let off steam in a manly way, like basketball.
10:02And see, our Wanda, she's a woman.
10:04And see, women, they're different.
10:06They're more sensitive.
10:07That's why they cry in movies and commercials and stuff like that.
10:12You cried during the Lion King.
10:14I didn't cry.
10:15You know, I was thinking about something sad.
10:18Like what would happen to you if you were to tell our Wanda about this basketball business.
10:23And besides, you don't want to hurt our Wanda's feelings, do you?
10:26The best thing you want to do is make her cry, Jordan.
10:30Yeah.
10:31I think you need to really forget about this telling our Wanda business, okay?
10:37Okay, I guess.
10:38Okay, good.
10:39And remember, we're not lying.
10:41We're bending the truth just to get what we want.
10:45Right.
10:46Oh, I don't care what you think of America.
10:48It's not like I taught the boy how to boost the car or anything.
10:50This is harmless.
10:51Just a little black boy telling a little black lie.
10:54No harm, no foul.
10:55You grown-ups, y'all do it every day.
10:58How my faith.
11:07We're gonna stop!
11:08What?
11:09Those cookies are spoiled.
11:11If you eat them, they'll have to take you away in an ambulance and pump your stomach.
11:14But I already ate one!
11:15Hurry!
11:16Go to the bathroom and brush your teeth!
11:18Hurry!
11:19There's still time!
11:20Hurry!
11:21Hurry!
11:26Uncle Bertie said you were supposed to wash these dishes.
11:29What?
11:29That's not my job.
11:30I'm going to Shannon's.
11:32I heard him talking to Aunt Manda.
11:34He said he'd come over there and get you.
11:36If I were you, I'd get it over with.
11:40Fine.
11:40Better washing dishes than him embarrassing me in front of my friends with his big dumb mouth.
11:45Yep.
11:54Oh, Mr. Mack.
11:56Hi, it's Mrs. Arlene.
11:57Mary.
11:57How are you?
11:58Oh, we're fine.
12:00We just wanted to know how your wife was feeling.
12:02Well, my wife is fine.
12:04Why?
12:04Oh, Jordan's been quite upset about his aunt's sudden illness.
12:07Sudden illness?
12:08We just wanted you to know that we were aware of it.
12:11Oh, and I've told the other teachers not to assign any homework as long as the crisis exists.
12:16Crisis?
12:17Jordan has got enough on his mind.
12:23Sisters, thank you.
12:28Mind to a none.
12:30Saying his aunt's sick.
12:32He's the one about to be sick.
12:35Gonna contract a sudden case of asses beat us red us.
12:38That's Latin for I'm gonna whoop his ass till it glows.
12:42I'm pissed, America.
12:44And I ain't lying.
12:53Uncle Vernon, you stopped my power man!
12:55What's your power man doing on the floor?
12:56I thought I told you to clean this mess up, Jordan.
12:58Hold your horses.
12:58I'm watching television.
13:00Hold my horses?
13:01Why don't you bring old closet on this?
13:02Ow!
13:03Ow!
13:03What's up, guys?
13:04Hey.
13:05Hey.
13:06Nothing.
13:07Uncle Vernon's just helping me practice for a shot.
13:10Swish!
13:11Yeah, I was fouling.
13:14Uncle Vernon, be okay if I cleaned up this mess after the TV show?
13:19No, I want you to clean your mess up now, Jordan.
13:22Swish!
13:24The boy isn't just evil, he's an evil genius.
13:27A little black Lex Luthor.
13:29He really got some dirt on me.
13:31This is blacksploitation, I'm telling you, America.
13:34Blacksploitation.
13:35This ain't nothing but some blacksploitation.
13:39Huh.
13:39He's good.
13:42Damn, big!
13:43Bernie!
13:44Yo!
13:45Did you tell the gardeners to cut down my cherry tree?
13:48No, man.
13:49Of course I didn't.
13:50Well, they did.
13:52And they are gone first thing in the morning.
13:55Aw, baby.
13:55Just chill now.
13:56Go in there and get you a glass of wine.
13:58Just relax.
13:59It was probably a misunderstanding.
14:00No.
14:01It was a misunderstanding when they killed my Azaleas.
14:04This is unforgivable.
14:06They are gone.
14:08End of discussion!
14:09Now, hold on, hold on, hold on.
14:10Speaking of your foliage, okay?
14:12Christina called talking about your eyebrow appointment at six o'clock or something like
14:17that tonight.
14:18Tonight?
14:19Tonight.
14:20But I'm supposed to be going to Brianna's play tonight.
14:23Oh, this is just a bad day!
14:26Well, I mean, just call and reschedule, baby.
14:28Keep trippin'.
14:28Reschedule?
14:29You can't reschedule with Christina.
14:31She's booked months in advance.
14:32Oh, stop it.
14:33Now, that's just totally ridiculous.
14:35She's talking about waxing some eyebrows.
14:36How difficult is waxing some eyebrows?
14:39You can give me some candles, tweezers, and a razor blade, lie across the bed.
14:44I'll hook you up, baby.
14:45Huh.
14:46Pluck it out, I'll...
14:46I'll call and reschedule.
14:48You know, you look kind of sexy when you're dirty.
14:51Whatever.
14:53Baby girl, you been jumpin' on my bed?
14:55No, it wasn't me, Uncle Bernie.
15:00Oh.
15:06Oh.
15:07Guess you're here for your last check, huh?
15:09Mr. Mac, we're very sorry we cut your trade.
15:13Yeah?
15:14I bet next time you'll be a little careful, won't you?
15:16Si, but your son told Luis that you wanted it down.
15:26I'll see you next week.
15:27Don't worry about it.
15:34Oh, baby girl, I can't get over how wonderful you were in that play.
15:41You're welcome.
15:42And you were so talented and by far the prettiest one up there.
15:47It just made my heart soar.
15:50Yeah, I know what you did, Jordan.
15:52Yeah, I know it was you.
15:53It was you to cut down that cherry tree.
15:59Jordan, you're trying to punk me.
16:01I'm gonna let you know I'm unpunkable, okay?
16:04Uncle Bernie, I need a haircut.
16:06Do you have any clippers?
16:10No, I don't have any clippers.
16:12But I'd be more than happy to take you to the barbershop next to the bakery.
16:16You know the bakery, son.
16:17The one that sells cherry pies.
16:20I like the name Michael.
16:23And I like the name Jordan.
16:26Michael Jordan.
16:28Michael Jordan.
16:30What do you think, Uncle Bernie?
16:32I think I ought to put you...
16:36That boy must be crazy, playing tit-for-tat with me.
16:39Bernie Mac don't play no tit-for-tat with no eight-year-old.
16:42He think he's smart?
16:44He don't know who he's dealing with.
16:46I'll beat that boy by being the bigger man.
16:48I'm gonna screw him by being honest.
16:51I'm a top-thologist when it come to bull.
16:54You went to the clipper game?
16:55Jordan cut down your cherry tree.
16:57Sue Pigeon!
16:58You did what?
17:00You know how excited I was about that little tree?
17:03Why did you do that?
17:04Well, I was playing NFL with a friend,
17:07and every time one of us would go out for a pass,
17:09that stupid cherry tree got in our way.
17:12So, I kind of told the gardeners
17:15that Uncle Bernie wanted them to put it down.
17:17I fired our gardeners for nothing.
17:19Yeah, and they got families.
17:21Big ones.
17:23All stopping America.
17:25Check the census.
17:26This boy's a bad apple, a rotten one.
17:29Yeah, that fell from the Bernie Mac tree?
17:31Hey.
17:32She's right.
17:33Bernie, how do you have the audacity
17:35to have your nephew fake an asthma attack?
17:37I was very sick about him.
17:39Have you no shame?
17:42Yeah, baby, I...
17:43It was Michael Jordan.
17:46How many comebacks you think he got left?
17:50I am disappointed in you both.
17:54Lies.
17:56Deceit.
17:57You're worse than that awful family and dark deceptions,
18:00and that was a horror movie.
18:03Yeah, I bet we have bodies buried under our floorboards, too.
18:06What you know about the floorboards, Nessa?
18:09My friend told me about it.
18:10Yeah, right.
18:11Wait a minute.
18:14That was you.
18:16What are you talking about?
18:18I was waiting for my appointment.
18:19As usual, Christina was running late.
18:22I was flipping through the Cosmo
18:24when I glanced out of the window for just a moment.
18:27That's when I thought I spotted Vanessa.
18:32I thought your uncle and I were crystal clear about you not seeing R-rated movies.
18:37I can't believe I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
18:42Lucky for us, you spotted her doing your eyebrow department on you would have got away with cold, bloody murder.
18:48Oh, don't play innocent, Bernie.
18:50You're in it just as deep as she is.
18:52Okay, then.
18:53That's fine.
18:54We want to talk about innocence.
18:55How do you like baby girl plays, sweetheart?
18:57And what was your favorite part?
18:58Don't change the subject.
19:01Yeah.
19:02What did you think about the play?
19:05I loved all of it, sweetie.
19:08Did you like the part where she came out like a beautiful flower?
19:11Oh, I loved that part.
19:13She was precious and she looked adorable.
19:15She did look cute as a flower.
19:17And you know that song that she sang?
19:18You know the one?
19:19Oh, I loved it.
19:20You were most magnificent, baby girl.
19:22Oh, sweetheart.
19:24She wasn't a flower.
19:26She was a rabbit the whole time.
19:30I didn't sing either.
19:32I helped the whole time.
19:34Oh, this is getting good.
19:37I guess you're as bad as we are.
19:39Except I didn't lie to a five-year-old.
19:42Oh, gosh.
19:45Oh, baby girl, I'm so sorry.
19:49I tried to make it to your play.
19:51Really, honestly, I did.
19:53I didn't realize my appointment was going so long.
19:56I drove as fast as I could.
20:00But by the time I got there, the play was already over.
20:21Please, don't be mad at me.
20:22I am so sorry, baby girl.
20:25I know you're not going to understand, but see, Christina, she's booked solid for the next two months.
20:29And you wouldn't want your Aunt Wanda walking around with a unibrow, would you?
20:35Stop it.
20:36Stop it.
20:37All of us should be ashamed of ourselves.
20:40All of us.
20:41Everyone here except baby girl.
20:43Because she's the only good one in the bunch.
20:45I tell her, too.
20:47You sure do.
20:48I wish you would love to tell her.
20:49Oh, you always try to kill my spirit.
20:51You take him to the Brown House.
20:52You better watch.
20:53I got to watch you with the knife.
20:54I feel better, America.
20:57See, here I was thinking I was a snake, feeding the boy for being a fruit.
21:01When it turns out the whole garden rimmed with serpents, the entire family is low down and deceitful as I
21:07am.
21:08See, I got to lead by a better example.
21:11From now on, no more line.
21:14The only one who hasn't been corrupted is baby girl.
21:17See, she's still like Eve.
21:19I mean, before the apple.
21:22Innocent, pure as snow.
21:40Not funny, Bernie.
21:45Anyway, America, they did have a good time.
21:48The boy didn't have a good time.
21:49But now, he's got to get past one last hurdle.
21:54I'm just kidding.
21:58You got a lot of nerve, Billy.
22:00You want something to drink?
22:01You want something?
22:07You want something to drink?
22:10You want something to drink?
22:14You are.
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