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00:19Oh, I miss you, my pet.
00:24Here, go.
00:25Want to sign my petition?
00:27Well, sure.
00:27What's it for?
00:28To make the school mascot a bulldog.
00:31But, well, doll, the school already has a mascot.
00:33It's a muskrat.
00:34Not anymore.
00:35I forgot to feed it.
00:56Well, lucky, lucky, lucky.
00:58Let's see if it isn't my cookie.
01:07Steve, what is that smell?
01:09It's my new Swiss cologne.
01:12It's called Odelehi Hu.
01:17What do you want, Steve?
01:19Well, if you're not busy tomorrow night, why don't you and I rent a movie?
01:24We'll turn down the lights and engage in a little lip wrestling.
01:32I can't.
01:33I'm going out with Ted Curran.
01:34I can't.
01:36But why?
01:38Well, he's good looking and varsity athlete and the most popular guy in school.
01:43Yeah, but take all that away and what have you got?
01:46You.
02:01It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
02:08And love and tradition of the grand design.
02:11Some people say it's even harder to find.
02:16Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.
02:22Cause all I see is a tower of dreams.
02:27Real love bursting out of every scene.
02:32And days go by.
02:35It's the bigger love of the family.
02:51Honey, I have a little indigestion.
02:54Did you do something different to the pot roast?
02:56Carl, it was meatloaf.
03:00Now, there you go.
03:01That's different.
03:04So long, you two.
03:06Where you heading?
03:07To the mall.
03:08I'm Rachel's gonna help me pick out an outfit for my date with Ted.
03:12Oh, Lord.
03:15What?
03:17Well, Rachel, my daughter is an innocent young lady.
03:20And I really don't want her to dress like you.
03:26Don't worry.
03:27I'll be there to advise.
03:30Oh, Lord.
03:31Oh, Lord.
03:39Carl.
03:40Hmm?
03:40I need your help.
03:41What's up?
03:42Ed is up to no good.
03:44He's done something wrong and he's not telling us.
03:45How do you know?
03:47He's been nice to me.
03:50Well, let's just see what he's up to.
03:55Edward!
03:56Kitchen!
03:57Now!
03:59Try the little good cop, bad cop.
04:02I'll be the bad cop.
04:04Of course.
04:09What is it, Dad?
04:10Sit down.
04:11Sit!
04:16What did I do, Mom?
04:18I don't know, honey.
04:19But your dad is in one of his moods.
04:21So if I were you, I'd tell the truth.
04:24Okay.
04:26What's the matter, Dad?
04:27What's the matter?
04:29What's the matter?
04:31You sit there with your bare face hanging out
04:34and have the nerve to ask me what's the matter?
04:38Oh, Carl, take it easy.
04:41He's just a kid.
04:43A scared kid.
04:45Candy.
04:48Come on, Edward.
04:49Talk to me.
04:50Sing.
04:51Well, I mean, there's nothing to talk about.
04:54Hardly.
04:56Hardly?
04:58Hardly?
04:59Well, I mean, there is a tiny little thing
05:01that happened at school, but I mean...
05:02Uh-huh.
05:03Mm-hmm.
05:04You call what you did tiny?
05:06No, sir.
05:07Not really, sir, but I mean,
05:08I only played hooky twice.
05:10You hear this, Harriet?
05:11Our son played hooky.
05:13Well, Dad, me and a bunch of the guys
05:15had a chance to watch practice down at Soldier Field.
05:17Mm-hmm.
05:18The bears?
05:18The cheerleaders.
05:19Mm-hmm.
05:22Well, what you did, son, is a very serious offense.
05:24And did you take pictures?
05:28I said...
05:29Edward, there is no excuse for your behavior.
05:32Now go to your room.
05:33Your mother and I will decide the proper punishment.
05:35Yes, sir.
05:40Will you please tell me how you found out?
05:44Let's just say somebody that you know has a big mouth.
05:50Yeah, well, when I find out who it is,
05:52I'm gonna kill him.
06:08Well, hey, Waldo.
06:09What's up?
06:10Well, what are you doing?
06:11I'm sick to death of all these posters.
06:13Look at all this clutter.
06:15Yeah, it is rather unsanly.
06:17Darn tootin'.
06:18That's why I'm putting up these.
06:25Slap up a couple hundred of these babies
06:26and people will get the point.
06:46Come on, man, tell us.
06:47What happened on your date with Laura?
06:49Nothing.
06:49Just had a good time, that's all.
06:51Yeah, right.
06:58Look.
07:00You've been out with the girl four times now.
07:02You've got to be going back to something.
07:04Yo, yo, come on, guys, chill.
07:06Alex, I think he's holding out on us.
07:08What's up with that?
07:08I can only think of one reason.
07:11He's striking out.
07:12Oh, whoa.
07:13I'm the Ted man.
07:13I do not strike out.
07:15So, in other words, you're saying you scored, right?
07:17Grow up.
07:18He scored.
07:20I knew he scored.
07:21He scored.
07:25Take it back.
07:26Take what back?
07:28Well, these bozos think you scored with Laura.
07:30Well, newsflash, muchachos.
07:33Laura Winslow is pure.
07:36She's chased.
07:38She's never been sullied.
07:42Get lost, Urkel.
07:43Not until you admit that nothing happened between you and Laura.
07:47Yeah, well, something did happen.
07:48That star is a lie.
07:55The nerd boy hit me.
07:57Correction.
08:01I hit you twice.
08:03I don't believe this.
08:04Oh, then maybe you'll believe this one.
08:11Urkel, how many of those do you have?
08:13I don't know.
08:14Let's see.
08:16One.
08:18Two.
08:20Three.
08:20Oh, that does it.
08:21Four.
08:22Oh, that does it.
08:23Oh, no.
08:24I got 20 left.
08:25Locker.
08:26Hey, hey, hey.
08:26I'm saying me, you stews.
08:28Locky.
08:29Hey, Mr. Locky.
08:30Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
08:31Don't make me hurt you.
08:34Hey, hey, hey, hey.
08:36Don't take back what you said about Laura
08:39or I'll bust out of this locker and hurt you.
08:45Ow.
08:47Ow.
08:51Hello?
08:55Anybody out there?
08:59Orderless?
09:13Hello?
09:16Please, somebody help me.
09:19Steve, is that you?
09:21Laura?
09:22Laura?
09:23Oh, for God's sake, get me out of here.
09:26What's your combination?
09:2734.
09:2924.
09:3134.
09:3234.
09:34Hey, those are my measurements.
09:37I know.
09:42Steve, how long did you stay in there?
09:44Oh.
09:46I don't know.
09:47Ooh.
09:49It's hard to keep track of time when you keep slipping in and out of consciousness.
09:54Oh, sweetums, could you help unfold me?
09:56Oh.
09:59Oh.
10:06Oh.
10:08Oh.
10:10Oh.
10:15Steve, who put you in the locker?
10:17Your boyfriend, Ted.
10:19Oh, well, I'm sure he had a good reason.
10:21Bye.
10:25I have some bad news, and I'm not sure how to break it to you.
10:29Well, just tell me.
10:31Well, all right.
10:34Well, Ted told some of his friends that when he went out with you, he had a really good time.
10:42Well, that's nice.
10:43I had a really good time, too.
10:44Oh, no, no.
10:45You don't understand.
10:48He said he had a really, really good time.
10:53Well, I had a really, really good time, too.
10:57Oh, for goodness sake, Lauren.
10:59He said he got lucky.
11:00Did the old yum, yum, bouncy, bouncy.
11:04My horn's on a poker.
11:09What?
11:11You're lying.
11:12No, ma'am.
11:14Now, Steve, I know your jealousy has made you do some truly annoying things before, but this is way past
11:20annoying.
11:21This is cruel.
11:22But, Lauren, I heard him saying, I...
11:24Stop it, okay?
11:26Now, Steve, you always tried to be my boyfriend, but if you're going to start telling these vicious lies, you
11:31can't even be my friend.
11:33No, ma'am.
11:34Shh.
11:49Hello?
11:51Yes, this is Laura.
11:52Who's this?
11:53Jason.
11:55Jason Sanders?
11:59It's Jason Sanders.
12:01What's up, Jason?
12:04A movie Friday night?
12:06And then some fun afterwards.
12:09What kind of fun?
12:16What's wrong?
12:29You listen to me.
12:30You are a disgusting, perverted lowlife, and I hope that whatever rock you crawled out from under falls on your
12:36head and your brain squished out through your nose.
12:41Oh, hi, Mrs. Sanders.
12:45Could you please give that message to your son?
12:48Thanks.
12:49Have a nice day.
12:52Laura, what did Jason say to you?
12:54I can't repeat it, but it was filthy.
12:59I was afraid this was going to happen.
13:02What do you mean?
13:04Laura, there's some rumors going around school about you.
13:08Rumors?
13:09Well, actually, it's just one rumor.
13:12But it's a doozy.
13:15Wait a minute.
13:16Does this rumor have anything to do with me and Ted?
13:19Yeah.
13:21Everybody says that you guys did it.
13:25What?
13:26Laura, when I heard it, I was really upset.
13:28Thank you, Max.
13:29Why didn't you tell me first?
13:33Max, it's a lie.
13:34It didn't happen.
13:35I knew that.
13:39Steve told me that Ted was bragging to his friends, but I didn't believe him.
13:44Wait a minute.
13:45Maybe this rumor hasn't spread as much as I think.
13:47Who told you, Max?
13:49The basketball team.
14:07Oh, there's nothing like a long, brisk walk to get the old heart popping.
14:13Hey, Laura.
14:16Laura, are you crying?
14:18No.
14:20Uh, Rachel, I think it's mother-daughter time.
14:22Oh, sure, sis.
14:23I'll just go up and read Richie a bedtime story.
14:25Hope he doesn't mind if I wake him up.
14:35Howdy, what's the matter?
14:38Nothing.
14:39Everything's fine.
14:43Except my life is over.
14:46God, it can't be that bad.
14:48Yes, it is.
14:50I just found out the first guy I ever really cared about is a creep.
14:55Ted?
14:56What'd he do?
14:58He told his friends that we did the horizontal poker.
15:04Is that what I think it is?
15:07Yeah.
15:09I see.
15:13Laura, did you have sex with Ted?
15:16No.
15:26I mean, I thought about it, but I'm just not ready for that yet.
15:31Good, Laura.
15:33Very good.
15:35You did a good thing.
15:40What am I going to do, Mom?
15:42Rumors about me are flying all over school.
15:45Well, the first thing tomorrow, your father and I are going to call Ted's parents.
15:48That won't do any good.
15:50They'll just ask Ted and he'll deny it.
15:54And the whole school will go right on thinking that I'm easy.
15:57Honey, people that know you're not going to believe a vicious lie like that.
16:01Why not?
16:02Mom, the truth is, when I heard rumors about people, I believed them.
16:08But I sure feel different now that the rumor is about me.
16:11Well, you see, that's the problem with rumors.
16:13You know, they don't have to be true.
16:15People will believe them as long as they're juicy.
16:18Oh, Mom, I just feel so helpless.
16:25Don't worry, honey.
16:26We're going to fight back.
16:29Fight back?
16:30That's right.
16:31There's a solution to every problem.
16:33That's the easy part.
16:35Well, what's the hard part?
16:38Figuring out what the solution is.
16:52Now, remember, you're the bad cop and I'm the good cop, right?
16:55Shut up, Steve.
16:56You're getting on my nerves.
16:58Oh, you're good.
17:05Yo, Ted.
17:07Yeah.
17:10Hey, man, what's your problem?
17:12You're my problem.
17:13And this is your problem.
17:15Hey, hey, Anno, Anno, Anno.
17:16Relax.
17:17Relax, Anno.
17:18What did I do?
17:19I don't know, Teddy, but the E-man here is in one of his moods.
17:23So if I were you, I'd tell the truth.
17:26Okay, okay.
17:28What's the matter, Anno?
17:31What's the matter?
17:32What's the matter?
17:33You stand there with your bare face hanging out
17:36and you have the nerve to ask me what's the matter?
17:40Now, now, take it easy, Anno.
17:43He's just a kid.
17:44A scared kid.
17:47Gum.
17:48Gum.
17:50No, thanks.
17:52Why is he so mad?
17:53Well, he's irked.
17:55Upset.
17:56Perturbed.
17:59About what?
18:00Oh, I don't know, Ted.
18:01Could it possibly have something to do with the rumors
18:03that you and your algae-sucking friends here
18:05have been spreading about my sister?
18:08Hey, Ted, you gonna let them insult us like that?
18:12Yeah.
18:15Just ask her.
18:16Go ahead.
18:18Seems you like to talk, Ted.
18:20So talk to me.
18:22Tell me what happened on your date with Laura.
18:28Uh, we went to the movies and we grabbed something to eat
18:33and then I took her home.
18:35Oh, that's it?
18:37You mean you didn't score with her?
18:42No, I didn't score.
18:44Yes, you did.
18:45You told us.
18:46We were standing right here.
18:47Shut up.
18:49Look, Eddie, I never said I scored, man.
18:53But I might have let them think I did.
18:56So the truth is
18:57that nothing happened on your date with Laura.
19:00Right?
19:02Nothing.
19:05One kiss.
19:07And I kept my eyes open.
19:11Ted,
19:12you do realize that according to the unofficial code of Big Brothers
19:16that I should expose you and your friends' vital organs to daylight.
19:21True.
19:22But that code is unofficial.
19:25Don't hit him, Eddie.
19:31Laura.
19:38Ted,
19:40I really liked you.
19:42And I thought you liked me, too.
19:44I do.
19:45Then how could you hurt me like this?
19:47Just so you could look good in front of your friends?
19:51I'm sorry, Laura.
19:52Look, I know it's asking a lot, but
19:54can we wipe the slate clean?
19:56Start over?
19:58Now why?
20:01I don't know, Ted.
20:02She doesn't know, Ted.
20:05I have to think about it.
20:07She has to think about it.
20:09But it'll be real hard for me to forgive the fact that you boosted your rep by ruining mine.
20:13Oh, you're history, bub.
20:21Steve,
20:22I'll handle this conversation myself, okay?
20:26She'll handle this conversation herself, okay?
20:31Laura, I feel real bad about this.
20:33I can't believe I wanted to impress these dorks.
20:35Hey, Ted, you calling us dorks?
20:37Yes.
20:37Just ask and go ahead.
20:44Laura, I really care about you.
20:46And I don't care how long it takes, but I'm going to find a way to make it up to
20:49you.
20:56How do we do, Laura?
20:57Hey, Mom and Dad will be real proud.
21:00Oh.
21:02Thanks, Eddie.
21:02You're a terrific big brother.
21:07And Steve?
21:08Yes?
21:30You tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.
21:33And then you helped me get out of this mess.
21:36I really appreciate what a good friend you are.
21:43Want to get married?
21:47Steve, I'm only 15 years old.
21:49Ah, true, true, but I've done a little research.
21:52In some areas of the country, the minimum marrying age is 14.
21:55And on the tiny island of Duconia, well, they don't even have a minimum marrying age.
22:00All you have to do is own a pig.
22:01Oh, that's...
22:02What's your name?
22:08Oh, that's it.
22:14Oh, that's it.
22:17Oh, that's it.
22:22Oh, that's right.
22:23Oh.
22:24Oh.
22:30Oh, that's it.
22:32Oh, oh, oh, oh.
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