00:05Here, fishy-fishy.
00:06Chow time.
00:07Can I feed the fish?
00:08No, no, no, no, no, sir.
00:11Nobody comes near this fish.
00:13Dad, what's the big deal?
00:15It belongs to Lieutenant Murtaugh.
00:17I am fishy-sitting while he's in Las Vegas
00:19searching for the future Mrs. Murtaugh.
00:23He may be gone a long time.
00:28Come on, eat up, Spike.
00:30Your food's getting wet.
00:33Anyone care to join us in a happy dance?
00:36Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
00:41Hey, what's up?
00:42The Urkels are packing their car.
00:44It looks like they're going to vacation.
00:46Oh, yeah.
00:50How much luggage?
00:52Two weeks worth easy.
00:54Two weeks without Steve Urkel?
00:56Wow.
00:58Maybe dreams really do come true.
01:01Ladies and gentlemen, we have taillights.
01:04The Urkels are gone.
01:06Yeah!
01:08Hey!
01:09Ho! Ho! Ho!
01:13Ho! Ho! Ho!
01:14Ho! Ho! Ho!
01:15Ho! Ho!
01:15Ho! Ho!
01:15Hey, now party.
01:17Let's get down with our bad self.
01:20Ho! Ho! Ho!
01:24Ho! Ho! Ho!
01:36It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
01:43And love and tradition of the grand design, some people say it's even harder to find.
01:50Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.
01:58Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
02:11Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
02:17Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
02:17Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
02:17Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
02:19Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho
02:28For gentle hearts and opportunity
02:32It stays for life
02:35It's the bigger love of the family
02:50Uh, Steve!
02:52You thought you were going on vacation, Steve?
02:56Why aren't you on vacation, Steve?
03:00Oh, well, it would have been inappropriate for me to join my parents
03:03They won on their second honeymoon
03:04Oh, how romantic
03:07Where'd they go?
03:08Well, my mother went to Washington to visit the Smithsonian
03:11And my dad went to New York to see Glenn Puddle's House of Reptiles
03:18You know, several questions come to mind here
03:22Oh, shoot
03:24Your parents are taking separate second honeymoons?
03:28Oh, yes
03:29They desperately want to avoid the tragedy that resulted from their first honeymoon
03:38What was that?
03:39Me
03:44Okay
03:45Second question
03:47Why would a guy spend his second honeymoon at Glenn Puddle's House of Reptiles?
03:52Now, for some unknown reason
03:55My father is fascinated with animals that eat their own young
04:03Go figure
04:06So, uh, Steve
04:08Where are you gonna be staying while your parents are gone?
04:11Some relative's house? Far, far away?
04:15Is that pity I hear in your voice?
04:19No, it's hope
04:23Ah, well, my little Fig Newton
04:26I'll be right next door batching it for the next two weeks
04:29So
04:31Stop by
04:32One hunk and no waiting
04:38Wait a minute
04:39Your parents left a fifteen-year-old boy home by himself
04:45Boy?
04:51I see no boy
04:54I see a man
05:00A manly man
05:02A manly man
05:04An Urkel man
05:11Okay
05:12But I can't stand the thought of you being in that empty house all by yourself
05:16You're staying with us
05:17Oh, well, gee
05:19Since there don't seem to be any objections
05:29I'll stay, by golly
05:33Hey, and don't worry
05:34I will not be a freeloader
05:36I intend to pull my weight around here
05:38Well, that should be easy because I don't weigh much
05:54Got a pair of suspenders
05:56Hike my pants way up high
05:59Don't care if the kids bug me
06:01Cause I'm a styling guy
06:03And I got the Urkel blues
06:08And I gotta pay my dues
06:14Please don't judge me
06:16Till you walk in my saddle shoes
06:21Oh, that was good
06:23Oh, that was good
06:28Got a lady named Laura
06:29She's mighty fine
06:33Before the next ice age
06:35I'm gonna make her mine
06:37Cause I got this Urkel blue
06:41And I gotta pay my dues
06:46Yeah, pocket protecting
06:48Bug collecting
06:49Constant rejection
06:51Arkel blue
06:52Thank you
07:04Oh, hi, big guy
07:07I didn't wake you, did I?
07:09Oh, no, Steve
07:10I came down to sing backup
07:13Oh, and look, you even woke up Spike
07:16Oh, you mean the Terrafilum Scaleri?
07:20Right
07:21I'm taking care of him for Lieutenant Murtaugh
07:23So that means
07:24No more late night blues sessions with B.B. Urkel
07:29Got it
07:30Hey, and bonsoir, big guy
07:31Or as they say in old Mexico
07:33Buenas noches, hombre grande
07:39Viva Zapata
07:43Viva Zapata
07:44Viva Zapata
07:44Viva Zapata
07:50Viva Zapata
07:51He he he he he
07:56Steve got up early this morning
07:58and fixed us a wonderful breakfast
08:00What'd you make, Steve?
08:02Omelets
08:02Oh, I love omelets
08:05What kind?
08:06Viva and henchies
08:09Oh, let him go
08:19More for us, eh, little buddy?
08:21I'm not hungry, Uncle Steve
08:23I got a problem
08:25Oh, well
08:26Spit it out, Richmeister
08:28Huh?
08:28There's this kid at school who picks on me
08:31His name is Timmy Thompson
08:33But we call him the Terminator
08:36Oh, tough guy, huh?
08:39One time he ate a whole alphabet block
08:44Whoa, boy
08:45He told me he'll beat me up if I don't get him a dollar
08:48Every day, starting today
08:50You know, I think you should tell your mom
08:53I can't
08:54I can't
08:54She told me never to fight under any circle stances
08:58Oh, tell your teacher
09:00She'll just make Timmy stay in the corner for a while
09:03Then after school, he'll hit me over the head with his little brother
09:09Well, why are you telling me?
09:12I don't know, you just seem like the kind of guy who gets beat up a lot
09:23Me? Beat up a lot? Well, I...
09:26You're very perceptive
09:29How do you handle bullies?
09:31I stand up to them
09:32Don't they hit you?
09:34Repeatedly
09:36Then why stand up to them?
09:38Richie, getting beat up feels real bad
09:41But being afraid all the time
09:43Oh, that feels even worse
10:06Yes
10:07Hi, I'm Mark
10:08I have a study date with Laura
10:10Ah, yes
10:11Laura told me you'd be dropping by
10:15Laura's out right now, but she's due back shortly
10:17Come on in, Mark
10:18If that's your real name
10:23Hey
10:24Are you Steve Urkel?
10:27Why, yes, how'd you know?
10:29You have a kick me sign on your back
10:31Why, those teachers always with the darn pranks
10:37Ah, ah, ah, ah, up, up, up
10:39Huh?
10:40Now, I'll need three forms of identification and a thumbprint
10:44But first
10:45Would you kindly step into the bathroom and fill this
10:52What?
10:53You object to a random drug test?
10:56I sure do
10:57That's insulting
10:58Oh, I see
11:01It's alright for our nation's air traffic controllers
11:04But not for Mark
11:08If that's your real name
11:10Man, you're crazy
11:11What?
11:13Crazy, crazy
11:15Apparently, we had something to hide
11:22Steve, Uncle Steve
11:25Richie, what happened to you?
11:27I stood up to Timmy the Terminator
11:29Guess what?
11:30He's a sucker for a left hook
11:34Oh, well, way to go, Richie
11:38Richard Crawford, you get up to your room right now
11:41But, Mom
11:42Go
11:43Going
11:52Steve, did you give my son some advice?
11:55Well, I, I, I believe I did
11:57Did you tell him that it was okay to fight?
12:00Well, now, not in those exact words
12:03Well, he took your advice, Steve
12:05And he got into a fight today
12:07And thanks to you, he's been kicked out of preschool
12:14Steve
12:33Oh, yes, Laura, my little dust bunny
12:34What?
12:36Did you do to my study date?
12:38Oh, you mean Mark
12:40If that's his real name
12:43I just said hi to him and he crossed the street
12:45Mumbling something about our house having a nerd infestation
12:49Well, six and stones may break my bones
12:53But I'm here and he's not, baby
12:59Steve, you've only been staying here for one day
13:02And you've totally messed up my life
13:04Get a new hobby
13:09I can't seem to do anything right
13:13Did you ever have one of those days, Spike?
13:16Paul
13:18I can't tell you
13:43I can't tell ya
13:47There we go.
13:49Oh!
13:51Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
13:57Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike!
14:04Oh, my goodness. Oh, no.
14:08Oh, no!
14:30Whoa!
14:31How you doing, Steve?
14:35Whoa! Whoa!
14:37Damn!
14:46What's wrong?
14:48Uh, well, uh...
14:50Steve, where's Spike?
14:56Well, uh, Carl,
15:00I've got some bad news.
15:04And some good news.
15:07And some more bad news.
15:11Spit it out.
15:21Oh, it's a little late for that, Carl.
15:27Uh, well, uh, here goes.
15:30You see, Carl, I...
15:34I accidentally sucked Spike up in the vacuum cleaner.
15:38What? Oh, my God!
15:40Oh, Carl, but the good news is that I got him out.
15:43Oh, thank God.
15:46But you know that more bad news I was talking about?
15:52Yeah, well, I, uh...
15:54I swallowed it.
16:00We've got to get him back.
16:01Oh, my God!
16:02We've got to get him back.
16:02What's your plan?
16:03Oh, Carl, what's your plan?
16:04Hello, Winslow.
16:05Oh!
16:13Lieutenant Murtaugh!
16:15You're...
16:16You're back early from Las Vegas!
16:19Yeah.
16:20Yeah.
16:21So, how's my fish?
16:23Well, I...
16:24Well, I...
16:24Well, sir, I...
16:26Uh, uh...
16:26Well, uh...
16:27Well, I...
16:28Uh, uh, uh, uh...
16:29Lou, Lou, Lou.
16:34There's been a tragedy.
16:36Something terrible has happened to your fish.
16:40Terrible?
16:41Oh.
16:42Oh, there's no way to break the news gently.
16:45So, I might as well just come right out with the truth.
16:49Here goes.
16:50Your fish...
16:51Fish committed suicide.
16:54He what?
16:56Yes, sir.
16:57It...
16:58It...
16:58It was awful, sir.
17:04With...
17:05The minute you left...
17:07Well, Spike got so very sad.
17:13He stopped eating.
17:16He stopped swimming.
17:19Excuse me.
17:22He just...
17:23He just pressed his little face up against the glass.
17:31Oh, please.
17:35Carl, stop covering for me.
17:37Or at least do a better job of it.
17:40Will somebody please tell me what happened to my fish?
17:43Lou, I accidentally killed Spike.
17:47I sucked him up in that very vacuum cleaner.
17:51Oh, come on.
17:52That's pretty hard to swallow.
18:02Well, now, don't get ahead of me, Lou.
18:20All right, all right.
18:23Now, one at a time.
18:25Harriet, the boy turned my boss's pet fish into sushi.
18:29And this Timmy problem won't go away.
18:31I was in the supermarket and his mother tried to hit me over the head with her husband.
18:39Mom, Steve has got to go!
18:41I know.
18:42I know.
18:43I know.
18:43I know.
18:43I know.
18:44I know.
18:44Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
18:46Just give me a minute to try to figure out what to tell.
18:53That won't be necessary.
18:55I was down in the basement cleaning the furnace and I heard everything through the heating ducts.
19:01I'll just, uh, head home.
19:07Steve.
19:08Oh, please.
19:10I don't deserve to be around civilized people.
19:14You guys were nice enough to let me stay in your home and I wanted to repay you.
19:20But instead I messed everything up.
19:24Like I always do.
19:27Wait a minute.
19:29Wait a minute.
19:29Uncle Steve helped me.
19:32No, he didn't, honey.
19:34I mean, thanks to Steve, I had to beg to get you back into that preschool.
19:39But, Mom, a bully was picking on me.
19:43A bully?
19:44Well, I didn't know that.
19:46Yeah, and I was afraid to go to school.
19:49But I'm not anymore.
19:55You know, Laura, if I were you, I wouldn't be too upset about your study date.
20:01Mark?
20:02If that's his real name.
20:07Well, what about him?
20:09Well, last night I saw him on Makeout Mountain and he was lip-locked with a sassy little redhead.
20:17That's Lisa Tippleman. He told me he was breaking up with her.
20:20Mm-hmm.
20:21Well, she sure got one heck of a goodbye kiss.
20:28Uh, Mom, what were you doing up at Makeout Mountain?
20:34Carl, don't try to change the subject.
20:37You see?
20:39You see?
20:42There is a silver lining around all of Steve's dark clouds.
20:50Steve, sit down.
20:55You know, Steve, when we asked you to stay, you didn't have to do all the cleaning and cooking and
21:01laundry.
21:01We have Harriet for that.
21:09And me.
21:12Steve, when we asked you to stay, all you had to do was just stay.
21:15You know, big guy, when you're right, you're right.
21:20So what are you going to do the next time we ask you to stay?
21:22I'll relax. I won't try so hard. I'll just stay.
21:28You got it.
21:30Gee, thanks, big guy.
21:38Gee, this is such a wonderful, warm, touching moment.
21:43Do I feel a group hug coming on?
21:46No.
21:48I didn't think so.
21:49So let's dance and get out with our bad self.
21:53No.
21:54Gee, thanks.
21:54Oh, my kay heter.
21:57Oh!
21:58Oh, my kay heter.
21:59Hey!
22:01Thank you, graduates.
22:03Oh, you see the university.
22:08Hey, here.
22:17Welcome to the Reading Week.
22:23Oh, oh, oh, oh
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