00:04Welcome back to Dudes, Chicago's hottest dating show.
00:08Man, look at those babes.
00:10My, oh my, oh my.
00:15This show is disgusting.
00:17It's sexist and chauvinistic.
00:19Oh, you just saying that because you a girl.
00:22That ain't so much fun.
00:31What's up?
00:32We're watching Dudes.
00:34Oh, smart TV.
00:37Next week is Teen Week here on Dudes.
00:41So if you young dudes and dudettes think you're hot, come on down to the studio and try out.
00:47Okay, now I hope a lot of you guys are going to come down and try because you don't.
01:03Don't forget them, Laura.
01:06Eddie and Waldo are immature juveniles with only one tawdry thing on their minds.
01:17Care to rock my world, baby?
01:45It's a rare condition this day and age.
01:49To read any good news on the newspaper page.
01:53Love and tradition of the grand design.
01:57Some people say it's even harder to find.
02:01Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.
02:08Cause all I see is a tower of dreams.
02:12Real love bursting after every scene.
02:15As days go by, we're gonna fill our house with happiness.
02:24The moon may cry, but we'll smother the blues with dead loveless.
02:31As days go by, there's room for you, room for me.
02:38For gentle hearts and opportunity.
02:42As days go by, it's the bigger love of the family.
02:48So, thank you.
03:15Dear love.
03:22half a minute steve you know you love to be in our shoes nope no siree bob i wouldn't be
03:28caught
03:28dead on that show i feel so miny just watching it oh yeah i bet you if you went on
03:36dudes you
03:37might be able to get a date with laura huh what bizarre twisted detour did you use to get to
03:44that
03:44off-ramp man figure it out steve you go out on a date with three gorgeous girls and then talk
03:53about it on tv yeah steve wake up and smell juan valdez if laura saw you on dudes she go
04:05nuts with
04:05jealousy huh that's with jealousy huh yeah but she won't be jealous because you're not going on the
04:17show right quiet i'm thinking oh so that's how you do it
04:34i can't believe eddie's gonna be on television he thinks he's so hot since he went out with three
04:38different girls in one week hey before i met your mother in one week i went out with
04:48never mind
04:53judy you know today's my birthday i know i was gonna mention it but mom said not to make a
04:59fuss
05:01she did huh yes
05:09richie so uh tell me what does your aunt harriet have planned for my birthday nothing
05:19i see
05:22let me ask this again what does your aunt harriet have planned for my birthday
05:34nothing
05:38anything else you want to know
05:44this is gonna be great eddie's gonna make a total fool of himself
05:48hi folks it's teen week here on dudes chicago's hottest dating show
06:01first let's meet our luscious ladies nicole robertson
06:10the lovely tanya totals
06:25okay let's meet the three dudes who are vying for the title of super dude first put your hands
06:31hands together for eddie funky honk winslow
06:41it says here that eddie's hobbies are skydiving bungee jumping and putting out oil rig fires
06:52next let's welcome waldo
06:55next let's welcome waldo
06:56waldo
06:56waldo
07:01waldo
07:02waldo
07:03waldo
07:04waldo
07:17waldo
07:23waldo
07:25steve enjoys bugs cheese and synchronized bowling
08:03I thought it was Teen Week, and I scraped the bottom of the barrel week.
08:07You know, I'm enjoying this.
08:10You are?
08:11Oh, yes. I wonder if they have a seniors week.
08:17No, they don't.
08:20I'll get us some more chips.
08:29Rachel.
08:32Carl.
08:34So, tell me, what does Harriet have planned for my birthday?
08:43None of your business.
08:45Oh, come on. Come on.
08:50Okay, look, if I tell you, will you promise to keep it a secret?
08:52Oh, yeah, absolutely.
08:54Okay.
08:55Here goes.
08:59Nothing.
09:05Nothing.
09:06What do you expect, Carl?
09:07Carl, you told Harriet you didn't want her to make a big fuss this year.
09:11Since when does Harriet ever listen to me?
09:17Okay, you guys know how to play the game.
09:19The dude with the most kisses wins.
09:22Okay, let's play the game.
09:24Funky Hunk.
09:25Yo, Pat.
09:28We asked the girls what they thought when they first saw you.
09:32One lady said,
09:34Wow, Honko Rama.
09:40Another girl said,
09:41Hey, look, it's a big, soft teddy bear.
09:45Aww.
09:48And the last girl said,
09:49How can he eat? He's so full of himself.
09:56Oh, this is an easy one, Pat.
10:00Wow, Honko Rama is Nicole.
10:04That's right.
10:09There's one for you.
10:12Nicole, any romantic sparks on your day?
10:15Ooh, oodles.
10:17Eddie sang to me.
10:21Eddie, you like to sing on your dates?
10:23If the mood is right.
10:26Well, you care to sing us a few bars?
10:28Nah.
10:30Okay, okay, okay.
10:34Coming at you.
10:39Baby.
10:42Baby, baby.
10:44Baby, baby.
10:45Oh, baby.
10:47Baby, baby, baby.
10:49Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.
10:55I wrote that.
11:04Why am I not surprised?
11:07Let's move on to Waldo, okay?
11:09Waldo?
11:10I'm still here.
11:12We asked our dudettes how you measured up on the old macho meter.
11:17One lady said, on a scale from one to ten, he rates a minus five.
11:26Sticks and stones may break my bones, but math will never hurt me.
11:32Another girl said, don't they scream these guys first?
11:40Ooh, that hurt me.
11:43And the last one said, I can't rate them.
11:46We never went out.
11:49Well, I can't rate them.
11:51We never went out was Onisha.
11:52You're right.
11:55Waldo, what happened?
11:57I couldn't find Onisha's house.
11:58I gave you directions over the phone.
12:01Yeah, and I wrote them on the wall of the phone booth, but that darn thing kept falling out of
12:04my car.
12:11Steve.
12:12That's the name.
12:13Romance is the game.
12:32Okay, all right.
12:38Steve.
12:39Do you think the girls had a good time with you?
12:43I think they look pretty satisfied, don't you?
12:52Let's find out.
12:54Our first lady said, I still can't figure out how he swallowed my contact lens.
13:05Nearly a misplaced kiss.
13:10Another girl said, I showed him my tattoo and he fainted.
13:16Now, wait, now, you just wait until the second there, now.
13:19I greatly admire and respect Bugs Bunny, but there are just some places he should not be.
13:28And the last girl said, Steve gave me the most thrilling ride of my life.
13:39Well, now, that's easy.
13:41It's Onisha who got the thrilling ride.
13:44He's right.
13:50Steve, you want to tell us about this thrilling ride?
13:54Well, I picked Onisha up on my neat old swim.
14:00I let her ride my sissy bar.
14:09Okay, it's almost time to find out who's going to be our super dude.
14:12But first, let's find out where our super dude and his dudette will spend their dream date.
14:18Take it away, Johnny Prince.
14:20Thank you, Pat.
14:21Our winners will spend a wonderful week in romantic Hawaii.
14:31Yes, they'll stay at the beautiful Hanapala Hotel.
14:35Chaperone, of course.
14:36They'll enjoy snorkeling, sailing, sunning, hugging, kissing.
14:40Remember, Hanapala is Hawaiian for really tall building.
14:44It's all yours from dudes.
14:47Back to you, Pat.
14:53Okay, it's time to super dude it.
14:55Remember, guys, you pick a girl.
14:57If she picks you, you're the super dude.
14:59Any tie will be broken by whoever has the most number of lips.
15:02Wow, just like in real life.
15:06Honky Honk, you start.
15:08Well, this is kind of a tough choice, Pat, because as you can see, these are all prime choice babes.
15:14But I think I'm going to have to go with Tanya, because her parents are hardly ever home.
15:23Tanya, if you picked Eddie, you're on your way to Hawaii.
15:29Darn, I picked Waldo.
15:34Well, Waldo, who did you pick?
15:36It was a real brain squeezer.
15:40But I chose Nicole.
15:44Nicole, if you picked Waldo, you'll be winging your way to the Aloha State.
15:50Sorry, I picked Eddie.
15:54Hey, yo, Nicole.
15:56It's cool.
15:57I mean, we can still go out.
15:59Without Hawaii?
16:00Forget it, hunky funk.
16:04Ow, ow, ow, ow.
16:07Well, Steve, it's up to you.
16:09If the dudette you chose also chose you, you'll have the luau of your life.
16:15Well, these chickaroonies are all, as they say in France, hot.
16:23But the babe who rings my chimes is Onesha.
16:28Onesha, who did you choose?
16:34I chose Steve!
16:44Stop!
16:48Stop!
16:51Oh, no, stop!
16:53Stop!
16:55Onesha, I have made a terrible mistake.
16:58I can never go out with you, or my heart belongs to another woman.
17:03Can we talk about this after we get back?
17:07Every fiber of my very being belongs to the lovely Laura Winslow.
17:17From the very first time I saw Laura, I vowed I would never stray, and I shan't.
17:25Every breath I take, every thought I think, spells L-A-U-R-A.
17:31Steve, Steve, we're on the air.
17:33No, I have to do this.
17:37I'm hers.
17:38My heart, my soul, everything I am, or ever will be, belongs to her.
17:47I'm coming home to you, baby.
17:53Your Earth man is coming home!
18:13Howdy, Love Drops.
18:17I was hoping you'd still be up.
18:19Did you happen to catch dudes tonight?
18:27I caught it.
18:30Well, what do you say we skip the light bandago, hitch our wagon to a star, and go steady?
18:38You see this, Steve?
18:41All that's missing is your neck.
18:45Well, you know, I may be way off base here, but you seem just a tad upset.
18:49A little post-nasal drip.
18:53Steve, you humiliated me on television.
18:56I did.
18:59Why did you go on dudes anyway?
19:01I thought you agreed with me that it was sexist and chauvinistic.
19:05Well, I thought if you saw other women, hot, curvaceous, sexy women, fawning all over me,
19:11well, you might get jealous and do a little fawning yourself.
19:17Steve, when will you realize that I will never feel the way about you that you feel about me?
19:21Oh, yes, you will.
19:25And it's my vision of that glorious moment that keeps my little heart beating.
19:31Babu. Babu. Babu.
19:34Oh, is she smiling at me? Yes, she is. Babu, babu, babu, babu, babu, babu, babu, babu, babu, babu, babu,
19:40babu, babu, babu.
19:42I'm sorry, Steve, but you've got a long wait.
19:45Well, I wouldn't wait too long, babykins.
19:48After all, I'm a super dude.
19:51That's dud, Steve.
19:53Oh, yeah.
19:55Well.
19:59This does for you.
20:01Oh.
20:20Carl!
20:23Carl!
20:34Yeah?
20:36Happy birthday, sweetheart.
20:40Oh, gee, thanks, honey.
20:43This is, uh, swell.
20:48Wait, wait, wait a minute.
20:49Make a wish.
20:51Oh, right.
20:54Did your wish come true?
20:56Well, no.
20:59What's the matter, Carl?
21:02Well, sweetheart, remember when I said that I didn't want a big fuss for my birthday?
21:09Yes.
21:11Well, I fit.
21:13I did want a big fuss.
21:16Really?
21:17Well, then why did you say you didn't?
21:18Because you were supposed to say,
21:21Oh, honey, don't be silly.
21:23We're going to make a big fuss anyway for your birthday because we love you.
21:26And then I would have caved in.
21:31But next year, big fuss.
21:34Big, big fuss.
21:37Hold on.
21:37I forgot something.
21:43Surprise!
21:45Oh, are you okay?
21:48Ah, happy birthday!
21:52Thank you!
21:54Happy birthday!
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