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00:29Cause all I see is a tower of dreams
00:33Real love bursting at every scene
00:37As days go by
00:41We're gonna fill our house with happiness
00:45The moon may cry
00:48But we'll smother the blues with tenderness
00:52As days go by
00:55There's room for you, room for me
00:59For gentle hearts and opportunity
01:02It's days go by
01:06It's the bigger love of the family
01:22Good night. Come again.
01:36Steve?
01:38Steve, are you here?
01:41What's going on, Laura?
01:42Look what I found. It was on a table that was empty just a second ago.
01:47Farewell, my Laura by Stephen Q. Urkel.
01:50Hmm. This must be his entry in the short story contest.
01:53Yeah. He's deliberately being mysterious to make me want to read it.
01:57Well, it worked.
02:03It all started on a Tuesday.
02:08An ordinary Tuesday.
02:11The kind that falls between Monday and Wednesday.
02:16Yep. Any way you look at it, it was Tuesday.
02:24Hey, Max! Put a sock in the sack.
02:31Allow me to introduce myself.
02:34The name is Danger.
02:35Johnny Danger.
02:37Former Ranger.
02:39And even stranger.
02:41My cousin is Stuart Granger.
02:48I'm a private investigator.
02:50A P.I., a Seamus, a Sleuth, a Gumshoe.
02:53Things were kind of slow.
02:58And then...
02:59You are going to lower me,
03:09Yes.
03:14In the face.
03:15A P.I.
03:17Oh, oh...
03:18Noia!
03:19Noia!
03:20Oh!
03:21Oh, wow!
03:22Oh!
03:34I want to see Johnny Danger.
03:38And whom the heck are you?
03:45Laura Wigglesworth.
03:47I'll see if Mr. Danger is in.
03:53What is it, Max?
03:54There's a Miss Wigglesworth here.
03:57Oh? Well, just a sec.
04:08Shower in.
04:29Hey, Max. We may be a while. Take a long lunch.
04:34Well, when do you want me back?
04:36Fuck.
04:39August.
04:48I'm Johnny Danger.
04:52I'm Laura Wigglesworth.
04:55I saw right away this Laura was no ordinary day.
05:01Silky hair, sultry eyes,
05:04and a pair of legs that started at her waist and went all the way to the ground.
05:25You were sane.
05:27I need your help, Mr. Danger.
05:30I need it bad.
05:33Real bad.
05:37Desperately.
05:47I'm so frightened.
05:49Someone is trying to kill my aunt.
05:51Ah, I see.
05:53What's your aunt's name?
05:55Why would anyone want to kill her?
05:57And who do you like in the World Series?
05:59Rachel Crawfish.
06:00You got me.
06:01And I like the St. Louis Cardinals.
06:05Rachel Crawfish.
06:06Why would anyone want to kill her?
06:07And I like the Red Sox.
06:10That's right.
06:10I don't know.
06:11And I still like the cards.
06:15So, what do you say?
06:17Will you protect my aunt and bet 10 bucks on the series?
06:22You're wrong.
06:23And you're wrong.
06:28Good.
06:29You start 8 o'clock tonight at my aunt's restaurant.
06:32Rachel's place.
06:36Don't be late.
06:40What a woman.
06:42Litter and glitz on the outside.
06:45But on the inside,
06:46a hint of the girl next door.
06:51But one question kept nagging at me.
06:55Where does she hide those drums?
07:03I once fell in love with a guy in the van.
07:09That man broke my heart, but his wife broke my hand.
07:14And I'm just an unlucky star.
07:18And I'm a lucky star.
07:21If you want a ride to fortune, find another car.
07:36Hello, Laura.
07:37How did I sound?
07:38Marvelous as usual.
07:40Rachel was a knockout.
07:42And there was something else about her.
07:45Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.
07:48Who is this sexy man?
07:54Then it came to me.
07:56You have good taste.
08:00This is Johnny Danger, the private eye I told you about.
08:05Ooh.
08:05My niece seems to think I need protection.
08:09Can you protect me, John?
08:12Are you kidding?
08:13Why, my middle name's Turtle Wax.
08:18Now, you two just go about your normal business
08:21while I make myself inconspicuous.
08:25For the next several hours, I cased the joint.
08:28It was a hotbed of suspicious activity.
08:33Evening, Mrs. Wiggleworth.
08:36Yeah?
08:37Who says?
08:39Well, gee.
08:41Your sister's done a great job with this place.
08:43And you think I couldn't?
08:44Well, no.
08:45I wasn't saying.
08:45Is that what you're saying?
08:46No.
08:47Yes, you are.
08:47No.
08:48You think I'm nothing.
08:49I'm a nobody.
08:51But I'm a person.
08:52I have feelings.
08:53And my original nose.
08:57Gee.
08:58I wonder who dropped a scorpion in her girdle.
09:04Hey, Mom.
09:06Wanna play the numbers?
09:07It only cost a dollar.
09:09Who do I look like?
09:10The Bank of Harriet?
09:15Excuse me.
09:17You wouldn't happen to be Lara's brother.
09:20I hope so.
09:21I'm wearing his underwear.
09:22Ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:28Mr. Danger?
09:30Officer Wigglesworth.
09:41What do you want here?
09:43The fried chicken and a side of information
09:48I don't like you, danger
09:50Because wherever you go, trouble is sure to follow
09:53You follow?
09:54I follow
09:56Remember, we're on the same side of the law
09:59There's room for you and there's room for me
10:01Although, let's be quite honest
10:04You take up a lot more room than me
10:18Hello, Johnny
10:29Care to wet your whistle?
10:31Why not?
10:36You do know how to whistle, don't you?
10:38Oh, sure
10:39You just put your lips together and go
10:52See you later, big boy
11:00Laura had a half-nelson on my heart
11:02My pulse was racing, my head was pounding, the room was spinning
11:10Then I realized, this wasn't love
11:13Somebody had slipped me a Mickey
11:17Hey, lady
11:35When I came to, I felt like Orson Welles had been tap dancing on my head
11:44Rachel
11:45Oh
11:47What time is it?
11:48How long have I been out?
11:52Rachel
11:57Extra, extra, read all about it
12:02Rachel, crowdfish, fam, stabbed your dad
12:17One week later
12:18On a dark and stormy night
12:21I gathered everybody at the Wigglesworth house
12:32Mr. Danger
12:34It's a dark and stormy night
12:38Why have you gathered us here at the Wigglesworth house?
12:43Because you all had two things in common
12:46And what's that?
12:47You all knew Rachel, crowdfish
12:49And you all had reason to kill her
12:56You're way off base here
12:57Rachel was loved
12:59As that said
13:01Wow
13:04How did you feel about Rachel, Harriet?
13:09Hey, she was my sister
13:11I, uh, sort of loved her
13:20You were jealous of Rachel
13:23After all, you did loan her the money to start Rachel's place
13:27But then
13:29Rachel became rich and famous
13:31And what did you get?
13:34A chip on your shoulder the size of an aircraft carrier
13:43What are you trying to say, gumshoe?
13:45I'm saying you killed your own sister
13:53On second thought
13:55It wasn't Harriet
14:02Was it, Eddie?
14:04But, what?
14:05That's right
14:06You were running numbers
14:08And Rachel found out about it, didn't she?
14:13Yeah
14:14But, but, uh
14:15I was doing all the work
14:16And she wanted 80% of the action
14:17It wasn't fair
14:18No, it wasn't fair
14:20But you didn't have to kill her
14:33And which, of course, you didn't
14:38Wait a minute
14:39Every time he accuses somebody
14:42They die
14:43Which brings me to you
14:45No
14:54Not so fast, Flatfoot
14:57You're gonna make headlines again
14:59What are you talking about?
15:01You were being investigated
15:02For running a citywide extortion scheme
15:04If a business didn't pay
15:06Well, they met with a little accident
15:09Rachel was making millions
15:11It wouldn't have killed her
15:12To share the wealth a little
15:13Well, you killed her
15:14Because she didn't share the wealth
15:23You know
15:27Whoever's doing this
15:28Just might want to wait
15:30Until I'm finished
15:32This is crazy
15:37All right
15:38Sit back down
15:39I can't think with those drums
15:51Ask them
15:52Yes, sugar
15:55You mentioned earlier
15:57That Rachel was loved
15:58Did you love her?
16:00No, I didn't
16:02Rachel was a hussy
16:04She stole my name
16:05Judge Jenkins
16:07That's right
16:08And she convinced him
16:09To put me away
16:10In a rest home
16:14Ah, I see
16:20So not only
16:22Would Rachel have your man
16:24But she would have your money
16:26Well, now, listen
16:27Listen, I admit
16:28I had harsh works with Rachel
16:30But I swear
16:31I didn't kill her
16:33I didn't kill her
16:36Oh, Estelle
16:37If we could only believe you
16:47And we do believe you, Estelle
16:49We really do
16:55Chef Waldo
16:58Tell me
16:59Does this contract
17:01Look familiar to you?
17:09Yeah, I signed it
17:11When I reached
17:11You're bringing me to America
17:15Were you aware
17:16When you signed it
17:17That it was a
17:18Lifetime contract?
17:20No
17:20For seven along years
17:22I beast
17:24I stuffed
17:24And I fricacy
17:25For her
17:27And I asked her
17:28Letting me start
17:29Me order a start
17:29But she said no
17:34You know
17:35You have a little drool
17:36Right here
17:41Oh, thank you very much
17:44So
17:46Rachel
17:47Destroyed your dream
17:49And that's why
17:50You killed her
18:00Gee, I would have
18:02Begged money on that one
18:05So
18:10Wow
18:11Wigglesworth
18:12It all comes down to you
18:15Huh
18:16I didn't kill anybody
18:17Oh, really?
18:19Murtaugh ordered you to collect
18:20The extortion money from Rachel
18:22But not only did she redeem
18:24She showed you this
18:33What's that?
18:35Rachel secretly recorded
18:36Your father's demand for money
18:38Isn't that right
18:39Officer Wigglesworth?
18:42Well
18:42She was gonna leak it to the press
18:45My career would have been ruined
18:46And so you killed her
18:50No
18:57I knew it was you
19:02You did?
19:03Then why'd you let me shoot all these people?
19:06I wanted to make you sweat a little
19:10Well, now it's your turn, Johnny Danger
19:12Your turn to die
19:15There I was
19:17Face to face
19:18With Lady Jack
19:19Was I about to take the long nap
19:21The siesta grande
19:23The eternal snooze
19:25The hasta la bye-bye
19:29Well, what are you waiting for?
19:32The narration to finish
19:43You're a strong woman
19:47All right, Johnny
19:48You've got me
19:49I killed my Aunt Rachel
19:50But why?
19:59I wanted to inherit the supper club
20:01And I killed the rest of the family
20:03Because I was last in line
20:07Oh
20:08Oh, you're cold, baby
20:12Cold
20:12And irresistible
20:16What are you saying?
20:17I'm saying I'm crazy about you, kid
20:20You're under my skin
20:22I know you're poisoned
20:23But I've been bitten
20:24And I don't have an antidote
20:29So
20:30You're gonna let me go?
20:32I'm giving you a choice
20:34We can run away
20:35And spend the rest of our lives together
20:38Or
20:40You can go to jail
20:49Chicago police?
20:53I've just killed seven people
21:18I've just killed seven people
21:20And so
21:22So ladies, what did you think?
21:25Actually, I liked it
21:26Oh, so did I
21:27I hope you win that writing contest
21:29Come on, you two
21:31It's late
21:31Let's go home
21:36I'm just an unlucky star
21:39And I'm a lucky star
21:43Steve
21:44You wrote the story
21:46Why didn't you have Johnny end up with Laura?
21:48Well
21:50Simple, sweetheart
21:52I'm saving that ending for real life
21:55Oh, so did you have Johnny end up with Laura?
22:25Oh, told you
22:29You'reeldberg
22:30Oh, you one
22:33attracted over
22:33You're 들고
22:34Oh, so did you have Johnny end up with Laura?
22:44Have sino
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