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00:02Two months into her marriage with Trey, Charlotte's life appeared to be a bed of roses.
00:07At least that's what it looked like to an objective onlooker.
00:10Can you believe my boys have been playing against each other since prep school and they're still not tired of
00:15it?
00:15Come on! Let the girls play!
00:18She's wearing pastels. It's whites only.
00:22Come on, you old putty-duddy. I think we can make an exception this one time.
00:25Trey, your father would roll over in his grave if he heard you talking like that.
00:30Well, I don't think Charlotte Tiffin issued a copy of the McDougal House Rules.
00:34No, but I think it's time I got one.
00:36You'll find it next to the Bible in your bed stand.
00:39Very funny. Tradition is a very undervalued virtue.
00:43You know, girls, when you marry a McDougal, you're marrying history.
00:47Yes, well, I guess I better go change.
00:51Charlotte had no interest in hearing any more about the McDougal family history.
00:55Her history with Trey was depressing enough.
00:57After a few half-baked attempts at a fulfilling sex life, Trey seemed to give up.
01:02The only place he even tried to score nowadays was on the tennis court.
01:10Good morning.
01:12Good morning.
01:15Beautiful roses.
01:33I don't know what it is. I'm strangely drawn to him.
01:35Of course you are. You know the man can plow.
01:37He had the most intoxicating scent, like sweat.
01:42Mixed with something else, something sweet yet pungent.
01:45Manure?
01:46And these full, sensuous lips.
01:49Does he water plants in Manhattan?
01:50This is insane. I'm married. I can't be looking at gardeners.
01:53Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not going to fuck a gardener?
01:57He was so tan and muscular.
01:59And the sweat ran down from his chest onto his perfectly defined stomach.
02:04See? You read a couple Harlequin romances in high school, haunt you the rest of your life.
02:10Okay, whatever you do, don't look up.
02:26Oh, my God.
02:28My God. Did you see the way she looked at me?
02:30Did you see the look her friend shot us?
02:32The contempt, like I was Pol Pot or something.
02:35He's dead.
02:36Yeah, I'm sure she wishes I was.
02:38Who does she think she is?
02:40Big's wife.
02:41Oh, my God. That was awful. I can't believe that there's a person in New York who could hate me
02:46that much.
02:48Oh, God.
02:50After lunch, I was so devastated by Natasha's withering look that I decided my only recourse was to go shopping.
02:57But I took a wrong turn looking for the right shoes, and somewhere south of Houston Street, I quite literally
03:02lost my direction.
03:06Oh, excuse me, sir. I know this sounds ridiculous, but can you tell me which way is West Broadway?
03:12Give me a bag.
03:13What?
03:14Your bag.
03:16It's a baguette.
03:17Let me have it.
03:19I couldn't believe it. Fifteen years in New York, and just when the city was getting safe, I was getting
03:24mugged.
03:24Is this for real?
03:26You're watching your ring. Quick.
03:31And your Manola Blahniks.
03:33What?
03:36No.
03:37Give me your fucking Blahniks.
03:39These guys weren't just after money anymore. They were after fashion.
03:43Please, sir. They're my favorite pair. I got them half price at a sample sale.
03:49Thanks.
03:50Oh! Oh! Somebody! Somebody stop! Let me take my strappy sandals! Oh! Somebody! Oh! Oh! Gross!
04:03I've been robbed!
04:09I've been robbed!
04:15Then he said, give me your Manola Blahniks, which I thought was a joke, and the next thing I know,
04:20I am barefoot on a New York City sidewalk in the middle of summer.
04:25So anything else other than the watch and the bag and the ring and the shoes?
04:28My dignity?
04:31Oh!
04:32My God, are you all right?
04:34Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for coming.
04:36I can't believe he took your shoes.
04:38I know! Probably got trichinosis.
04:40You only get that from pork.
04:42Oh. Well, I'm sure I stepped on a piece of it somewhere. Uh-huh.
04:46Hey, um, Detective Stevens. This is my friend. My lawyer. Miranda Hobbs.
04:51Nice to meet you. Any chance of catching this guy?
04:54Uh, we hope so. Yeah, maybe you can come along with me and read him as Miranda writes.
05:00Sorry, that was a little lame.
05:01No, that was funny. A little cop humor.
05:04You Irish?
05:05No. Why?
05:07Because you have beautiful red hair.
05:10I guess anybody can be Irish with the right colorist.
05:13It's very funny.
05:15Sense of humor, I like that in a lawyer. It's very rare.
05:20Well, uh, miss, I'm going to get back to you as soon as I have something.
05:23Can I have your card? I'll need your card.
05:25Sure.
05:26I mean, just in case.
05:27Sure.
05:32Oh, no, I can't wear this.
05:34Well, I'll call you.
05:39I don't understand this. I get mugged and you get him.
05:43Oh, I guess that's my karma.
05:45Just because he said he's going to call doesn't mean he's going to call.
05:48What are you talking about? The man was smitten with you.
05:51Well, he probably wants free legal advice. That's generally my karma.
05:57That evening, Samantha discovered that her number had been passed around as well.
06:01Hey, this is a message for Sam Jones.
06:03Sam, if you're getting this, it's Brian.
06:04I'll see you tomorrow around 10.
06:05Can't wait. Later.
06:08Sam? Sam, you there?
06:10Sam!
06:11Anyway, this is Rob, Mike's friend.
06:13You don't know me, but I'll be there tomorrow night with some very fine party papers.
06:26Hello, Sam?
06:27Yes, this is Sam.
06:29Sam Jones?
06:30Yes, this is Sam Jones. Who is this?
06:32Sam Jones is having the big blowout party tomorrow night.
06:36Exactly who is this Sam Jones?
06:39And where is this fabulous party?
06:42The next evening, Miranda had a date with my detective.
06:45Oh.
06:54Hello?
06:55I'm having an anxiety attack.
06:57The most gorgeous man I've ever met has been in my living room for 20 minutes,
07:00and I can't figure out what to wear.
07:02All right, breathe.
07:02Now shut your eyes, and go with your first instinct.
07:06The problem is, I've been in here for 20 minutes.
07:09By now, he thinks I'm some kind of a freak.
07:11Um.
07:14I'll be right there.
07:18What are you getting so looked up about?
07:20He's too good looking for me.
07:22He's out of my league.
07:23I don't have any outfits that go with hunk.
07:25Wait a minute.
07:26Maybe this is karma.
07:27You're finally getting what you deserve.
07:29Right.
07:30Maybe after years of dating odd men, the universe is throwing me a bone.
07:34And if you're lucky, a boner as well.
07:37Okay.
07:38I can do this.
07:40All right, now go have fun.
07:41Hey.
07:42And tell Detective Stevens, if he sees a woman wearing last year's pink suede Manola Blahnik
07:47strappy sandals, bring her in for question immediately.
07:50Bye.
07:51Bye.
07:55While I always ascribed thoughts about karma to the fortune cookie school of psychology,
08:00I wondered, does a string of bad dates really equal one good one?
08:04And will treating someone badly in one relationship ensure that you'll be treated badly in the next?
08:10Does everything that goes around really come around?
08:13And if so, will it come around to bite you in the ass?
08:17Is there such a thing as relationship karma?
08:22Later that night, I agreed to accompany Samantha to a party thrown by the mysterious Sam Jones.
08:28Can't believe we're going to the party of a total stranger.
08:30It's not a total stranger.
08:31We do share the same name.
08:33Why are you looking so slow?
08:35Keep waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes and steal my bra.
08:38Oh, look, if the guy's a loser, I'll tell him to stop having his friends call me and we'll go
08:43for dinner.
08:43If not, who knows, his friends sounded cute on the phone.
08:46How can you tell if someone's cute over the phone?
08:48I can.
08:49Besides, Washington Square, very money address.
08:52And I just feel like there's some kind of cosmic purpose to all this.
08:56It's just too much of a coincidence.
08:59So what do you think the cosmic purpose was of my getting snubbed by Natasha the other day?
09:03Okay, if I told you I had a piece of information about being a Natasha,
09:07would you consider it a cosmic connection or just a random act of cosmic?
09:11I guess I'd have to hear it first.
09:14Natasha left big.
09:16Their marriage is over.
09:17She's back to working for Ralph Lauren.
09:19Oh, my God.
09:22Who told you that?
09:23Little bird.
09:24I fucked at Ralph Lauren.
09:25And you waited 15 blocks to tell me that?
09:27I wanted you to have fun at the party.
09:29I can't believe I'm responsible for breaking up their marriage.
09:32You are not responsible.
09:34It probably wouldn't have worked anyway.
09:36I don't think I could feel any worse.
09:38Oh, here we are.
09:43It's a dorm.
09:44Well, look at that.
09:45I feel worse.
09:53You think all these cute boys are still in the phone?
09:56Yes.
09:58Well, I'm going to find Sam Jones and then we're out of here.
10:04Excuse me.
10:05Could you tell me where I can find Sam Jones?
10:16Sam Jones?
10:18Yeah, who are you?
10:19Sam Jones.
10:21Excuse me?
10:22Well, it appears that we have a little problem here.
10:25We have the same name, the same exchange.
10:28And it appears I'm getting all of your fucking calls.
10:31Well, if you're getting all my fucking calls, I guess that explains why I'm still a virgin.
10:35And while Samantha was wondering what kind of message the universe was trying to send her,
10:40Miranda had no doubt.
10:41Well, this was really fun and I would invite you in, but you've already been in.
10:45And I've got a really huge day tomorrow, which isn't to say that I wouldn't like to see you again.
10:48I really would.
10:49That is, if you'd like to see me.
10:50Although it's totally up to me.
10:59I'll call you.
11:01Okay.
11:04Bye.
11:05Bye.
11:09She felt like she had just hit the cosmic jackpot.
11:15Please don't tell anyone you were here.
11:18Some of those boys were killed.
11:20Some of those boys were young.
11:22Don't you dare say it.
11:24Excuse me, ladies.
11:25Excuse me, ladies.
11:26Excuse me.
11:27Excuse me.
11:28Oh.
11:30Ow.
11:31Stop.
11:35Natasha fell down the stairs and now I fell down the stairs.
11:37This is an open and shut case of karmic retribution.
11:40Those guys were drunk.
11:41It was an accident.
11:42This was not an accident.
11:44Yesterday, I get mugged.
11:45Favorite shoes gone.
11:46And now, I can't even get a freaking taxi.
11:48And I can always get a taxi.
11:49And my karma is shot.
11:50Well, if everything happens for a reason, why am I getting all those calls for Sam Jones?
11:53What's the karmic connection there?
11:55I don't know about your karma.
11:56I only know about my own karma.
11:57Maybe the universe is telling me that I should fuck that cute virgin.
12:00And give him the great first time experience that I never had.
12:03That's not karma.
12:03That's statutory rape.
12:05Oh, taxi!
12:07Taxi!
12:07Here, here!
12:08Keek!
12:09Come on, look at...
12:10Help!
12:11What's up?
12:13Meanwhile, across town, Charlotte was getting a message of her own.
12:17Oh, what's up?
12:27How old are you?
12:30Oh, for alrighty.
12:51Wake up, wake up, wake up, you have a nightmare, you have a nightmare, oh, you're all wet.
13:09Later that week, my knee still hurting from my karmic trip down the stairs, I decided to take matters into
13:15my own hands.
13:16Laura, Natasha's desk, Kathy speaking.
13:18Yes, I'd like to speak to Natasha, please.
13:21Is Carrie Bradshaw calling?
13:22What's this regarding?
13:24Uh, it's personal.
13:26Hold.
13:27I didn't know how to tell an assistant that it was a matter of cosmic significance.
13:31She's in a meeting.
13:31Oh, I'll hold.
13:33I don't mean to be rude, but you'll be holding forever.
13:36Okay, then, I'll hold forever.
13:39Obviously, this wasn't going to be easy.
13:41I had some tough karma to overcome.
13:46The next week, Charlotte flirted with her own karma.
13:51Where did you get such a green thumb?
13:54Runs in the family.
13:55We're gardeners for three generations.
13:58What a wonderful tradition.
14:02I'm Charlotte, by the way.
14:04Trey's wife.
14:05I know.
14:06I'm Bert.
14:08These roses are so beautiful.
14:12What kind are they?
14:14Special hybrid of American beauty.
14:17They're very fragrant.
14:21And Charlotte's karma flirted back in a most unexpected way.
14:39Downtown, Samantha was working out some karmic issues of her own.
14:45I just came over to apologize for all those calls.
14:47Oh, thank you.
14:51Anything else?
14:52I've been waiting for a woman like you my whole life.
14:55You are the hottest thing I've ever seen.
15:09Oh, dear.
15:23Oh, Lord.
15:25Oh, my Lord.
15:26Oh, here we go.
15:28Woo!
15:29Woo!
15:30Woo!
15:32Yeah!
15:43That was awesome.
15:47Yes, it was.
15:51Sam?
15:53Yes, Sam?
15:54Sam?
15:55I think I love you.
15:57I think I love you.
15:58Oh, honey.
15:59That wasn't love.
16:01That was sex.
16:04No, ma'am.
16:06I love you.
16:09Okay.
16:12Time to move.
16:15Do I have to?
16:17Oh, yes.
16:19I've got stuff to do.
16:20I've got stuff to do.
16:23Goodbye, sweetie's lips.
16:25I've ever kissed.
16:28Bye-bye.
16:32Later that night, the McDougals were enjoying their cocktail hour, which generally lasted from
16:375 p.m. to last man standing.
16:39Three sets in a row, Charles.
16:40We didn't finish that last set, damn it.
16:42It was getting dark, as you recall.
16:44Boy, stop bickering.
16:46No.
16:49Well, I certainly had an interesting day.
16:52I went writing in the morning.
16:54In the afternoon, I took a long walk around the property and saw Charlotte kissing the gardener.
17:03Charlotte, you're a McDougal now.
17:13And back in the city, Samantha came home to discover that the universe had sent her many messages.
17:18I have 35 new messages.
17:21Sam, it's Sam Jones.
17:22Call me.
17:22I can't stop thinking about you.
17:25Sam, hi.
17:27How did I see you tonight?
17:28It's really important.
17:31Sam, it's Sam.
17:32Listen, I don't think I can live without you, okay?
17:37Okay, Sam?
17:39Sam, are you there, babe?
17:41I have to see you tonight.
17:43It's really important.
17:45Sam!
17:47Okay, Sam.
17:48It's Sam.
17:50And across town, Miranda met her karmic treasure for dinner.
17:53And after almost 10 years at the firm, I finally made a partner two months ago.
17:56Or was it three?
17:57I'm losing track.
17:58Congratulations.
18:00Can I get you another drink?
18:02Oh, another double vodka martini, please.
18:05And do you serve?
18:06Oh, I'm fine.
18:09Would you care to order?
18:11Could we just have a minute?
18:13Take your time.
18:20Miranda realized that every woman in the room was staring at her date.
18:24That's the kind of case, typical case, that I see on the job.
18:27Turns out it's not as exciting as you might have.
18:29It's not homicide.
18:31And she knew what they were thinking.
18:33What is that incredibly attractive man doing with her?
18:36If your friend didn't lose her shoes, then I wouldn't be sitting here right now.
18:40There you go.
18:55And six vodka martinis later, she was feeling pretty damn good.
19:00Oh, God, you're hot.
19:02You're a little drunk, you know that?
19:04I'm fine.
19:05I'm great.
19:07Hot, hot.
19:09You may be the most beautiful man that I have ever been with.
19:13You know what?
19:14You're not so bad yourself.
19:15Well, I'm no Mina Suvari, but I'm great in bed.
19:24When Trey didn't come to bed that night, Charlotte went looking for him.
19:37What are you doing out here?
19:39Improving my serve.
19:43Trey, stop.
19:44You're upset, and what I did was so wrong, and I'm sorry.
19:48What can I say?
19:49I'm apparently unable to meet your needs, so from time to time, as much as I detest it,
19:54I guess I'm just going to have to look the other way.
19:57I don't want a husband who looks the other way.
19:59I want a husband who takes me in his arms and makes me not want to kiss the gardener.
20:14Charlotte, no marriage is perfect, and so much of what we have is wonderful.
20:21We can have separate lives and still be together.
20:25Totally acceptable.
20:27As Charlotte looked at her perfect husband on his perfect tennis court at their family's
20:32perfect country house, she realized the one thing that was missing was that perfect connection
20:37with an imperfect person.
20:38Trey, when we get back to the city, I think that we should separate for a while.
20:49All righty.
20:57Seven unreturned phone calls, and still no response from Natasha.
21:01The Buddhists believe you pay for what you do wrong in this life in the next.
21:04I knew what I'd done.
21:06I just didn't think I could wait a lifetime to be forgiven.
21:15The next morning, Miranda woke up with the worst hangover of her life.
21:25Detective Stevens?
21:32On her hall table, she discovered that Detective Stevens had left a number for her local AA chapter.
21:41And downtown, Samantha got her karmic retribution.
21:45I love you, Sam Jones!
21:47She realized that in screwing Sam Jones, she wound up screwing herself.
21:51I love you, Sam Jones!
21:56A couple of days later, Charlotte came home to her old apartment.
22:00It was good fortune that she had only sublet it, not to mention good sense.
22:08Not wanting to come back in my next life as a dung beetle, I asked Samantha's assistant to pump Natasha's
22:15assistant to find out where she was having lunch.
22:28I need to talk to you.
22:30I'm going to scream.
22:31Please don't, I'm only going to stay a minute.
22:33I tried to call you at work, but...
22:36Anyway, it's not important.
22:40Okay, can I have a sip of this?
22:51Thanks.
22:58I heard about your marriage.
23:02And it's just so terrible.
23:07I never, never meant for any of this to happen.
23:09And if there was something that I could do to take it all away, I would.
23:14But I can't.
23:16So I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am.
23:21I am deeply sorry for what I did to you.
23:25It was wrong.
23:28And I'm sorry.
23:34Are you through?
23:37Yes.
23:39Thank you for listening.
23:43Wait.
23:47I'm sorry, too.
23:50You are?
23:52Yes, I'm...
23:53Sorry about it all.
23:57I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me.
24:02I'm sorry that we ever got married.
24:06I'm sorry he cheated on me with you.
24:08And I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did.
24:14I'm sorry I found you in my apartment.
24:16Fell down the stairs and broke my tooth.
24:20I'm sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth.
24:28Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here.
24:33Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.
24:43I guess that's just what I had to say.
24:47Natasha.
24:48I was just leaving.
24:53As I walked away, I realized my actions had set into motion a karmic chain of events that put Natasha
24:59back on the singles market.
25:01As if single women in New York didn't have it hard enough.
25:14And somewhere out there, Big was alone again.
25:18The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
25:46The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
25:58The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
26:00The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
26:08What?
26:16In life, there are all sorts of wake-up calls.
26:20But crowing on East 73rd Street was one I was not prepared for.
26:31It was my own fault, really.
26:33I let my frenzy for a rent-controlled apartment near Barney's override the fact that it was animal hospital adjacent.
26:41That's the thing about New York.
26:43You never know what's just around the corner.
26:47Or, in Samantha's case, just outside your window.
26:51Ow!
27:07There they were. Samantha's friendly neighborhood pre-op transsexual hookers.
27:12Half man, half woman. Totally annoying.
27:15Girl, she got herself a handful of them.
27:18He was all up in my stuff once.
27:20I told him, you better get that thing out of my ass or I'm gonna shit on it.
27:27Get that thing out of my ass or I'm gonna shit on it.
27:29I mean, is that the dirtiest thing you've ever heard?
27:32Let's hope so.
27:35I am paying a fortune to live in a neighborhood that's trendy by day and tranny by night.
27:39Tranny?
27:41Transsexuals.
27:41Chicks with dicks, boobs on top, balls down below.
27:44I don't get the appeal there.
27:46It's the other white meat.
27:48Ah.
27:48I understand that pseudo-straight married men from New Jersey have to get laid, but do they have to do
27:52it on my block?
27:53I thought my roof chickens were bad.
27:56Every morning at 4 a.m. they start up.
27:58It's like they're putting on a show.
28:00The up-my-ass players.
28:01The up-my-ass players.
28:07Too early for tranny talk?
28:09It's so weird to just be sitting here eating egg white omelets again like nothing ever happened.
28:14It was our first Saturday morning breakfast together since Charlotte had flown the co-op and left Trey, her husband,
28:20of just three months.
28:21I was married and now what? I'm single again?
28:25Sweetie, you're not single. You're just separated.
28:27That's right.
28:29I'm not single. I'll never be single again.
28:32I'll be divorced.
28:33The only thing worse than being 34 and single is being 34 and divorced.
28:38Oh, thanks.
28:39I can think of something worse.
28:41Being 34 and trapped in a marriage that doesn't work.
28:43Did I try hard enough?
28:45Hard being the operative word.
28:47Sweetie, Trey has an impotence problem.
28:48Ah!
28:49I am so sick of talking about Trey.
28:52I think and talk about Trey all the time.
28:55Just change the subject, please.
28:57Just talk about the up-my-ass stuff.
29:01Okay, here's the plan.
29:02Sunday night, we all come over, have a little unpacking party, and no Trey talk.
29:06Absolutely. I'll bring the cocktail.
29:08And I'll bring the food.
29:10How's everyone feel about roof chicken?
29:12Mmm.
29:16Can I help you?
29:17Um, yeah, hi.
29:19I live around the corner, and my window looks over the roof with the chickens and the crowings.
29:25Roosters.
29:26Excuse me?
29:27They are roosters. Roosters crow.
29:30Oh, right.
29:31Yes, well, they do.
29:32And very loudly.
29:33I'm so sorry.
29:35We just got them rescued from a cockfight in the Bronx.
29:38Oh, my God.
29:39I'll have them move to the basement.
29:41Oh, no, no, no, no.
29:43You don't have to do that.
29:43They had all that fight trauma.
29:44They need fresh air.
29:45I don't want them to be miserable.
29:47Don't worry.
29:48They have a very lovely life.
29:51No, that's all right.
29:52I'll get over it.
29:54Thank you for being so nice.
29:57Oh, just going to take one of these from my friend.
30:00She has a cat.
30:08Hey, Fatty, you hungry?
30:11Yeah?
30:12I'm worried, too.
30:21Oh.
30:32Chinggah Garden, may I help you?
30:33Hi, yeah.
30:34I'd like to order some takeout.
30:35Adress, please.
30:37Uh, 331 West 78th Street, apartment 4F.
30:41Okay.
30:41I'd like to order some chicken with broccoli in a brown...
30:44brown sauce with brown rice, cold noodles.
30:47I know.
30:48Every night the same.
30:50Right.
30:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
30:53The Chinese takeout lady thinks sympathetic.
30:55She said every night, every night, the same thing.
30:58That's a tad bitchy for a takeout lady.
31:01Do you think I'm in a rut?
31:02A food rut?
31:03I'm sitting home with my cat, ordering the same thing almost every night.
31:06The only thing that could make it sadder is if I had a Cathy comic taped to my refrigerator
31:10door.
31:11Never say Cathy comic to me again.
31:13She giggled at me.
31:15The takeout lady.
31:16Then order from someplace else.
31:18There's like 600 Chinese places on your block.
31:20This place is my favorite.
31:21I like their cold noodles.
31:22And it's easier than figuring out where else to go.
31:24Fine.
31:25Then bury the takeout food chain.
31:28There they were.
31:29Our ex-boyfriends.
31:35What are they doing together?
31:36What are they friends now?
31:37Apparently this is bad.
31:39What do you think they're talking about?
31:40What do you think they're talking about?
31:42They're dogs.
31:43Yeah, here's their dog conversation.
31:45How's your dog?
31:45Good.
31:46How's yours?
31:46Good.
31:46Was that those two bitches who ruined our lives?
31:48They didn't see us.
31:54Oh, God.
31:56Here, we have a choice.
31:57We can either run the other way,
31:59or we can move into this building.
32:02We can't run.
32:04These shoe straps will break.
32:06All right.
32:07How do I look?
32:09Good.
32:10Great.
32:11You look great, too.
32:13Thank God I didn't wear my drawstring pants.
32:18Okay.
32:19Okay.
32:28Hey, hey, look who it is.
32:32That's another thing about New York.
32:34You never know who is just around the corner.
32:36See, this is what I like about New York.
32:38Street traffic.
32:40Hey.
32:40Hi.
32:42Look at you.
32:45Hello.
32:47Look who it is, Pete.
32:49Hey, Pete.
32:50Hey, Pete.
32:51Hello.
32:52Oh, my God.
32:54Look how big he got.
32:56He starts college next year.
32:58You must be very proud.
33:00Two beers at a time.
33:02What?
33:02Miranda and I give you guys a drinking problem?
33:05They're not just for us, so.
33:09I have nightmares about that lady's room for weeks.
33:12Carrie, Miranda, it's Jessica and Susan.
33:15Hello.
33:17Honey, do you still want to see the movie or just crash?
33:20Okay.
33:25Well, we have to go.
33:26Yeah, we gotta go.
33:27Yeah.
33:28It's good to see you, lady.
33:31Bye.
33:32Bye.
33:33Bye.
33:33Oh, sorry.
33:34Sorry.
33:36I ran away that way.
33:38One is right.
33:41That night over at Charlotte's, some light unpacking and some heavy realizations.
33:46Well, they're over us.
33:49It's just so hilarious.
33:51I'm hemorrhaging inside.
33:52It's so funny.
33:53We thought they were sitting there, pining away, and they have new girlfriends already.
33:59Were they cute?
33:59The point is not if they were cute.
34:01The point is they were there.
34:04They were cute.
34:05Very cute.
34:07How can they have new relationships already?
34:09I'm still in the I-just-broke-up-with-someone phase.
34:11It's infuriating.
34:13Women sit around obsessing about what went wrong over and over, and men just say, alrighty,
34:18and they move on.
34:19I take offense at that generalization.
34:21Not all women sit around and obsess about men.
34:24As soon as my relationships are over, I move on.
34:27Relationships?
34:27You know, days.
34:29Well, I definitely do try to figure out what went wrong, but I don't, I don't think that
34:35I obsess.
34:36Oh my god.
34:37You're Miss Obsessed.
34:38Big?
34:39Well, yeah, okay, yes, big.
34:42Big was tricky.
34:43I still don't know what happened there.
34:44Honey, you look back so much, you should have a relationship rearview mirror.
34:47Relationships may appear closer than they actually are.
34:49Well, I didn't obsess about Aiden.
34:52Aiden was clear.
34:53I heard him, he moved on.
34:54It's so much easier for men to move on.
34:57Is it?
34:58Please!
34:59The ratio of women to men in this city is huge.
35:02All they have to do is sit outside, have a beer, and wait for the Jessica's and Susan's
35:06to come to them.
35:07Well, maybe we only obsess over relationships that feel unfinished.
35:11Well, I can guarantee that Trey isn't sitting around with his friends, obsessing about what
35:16went wrong.
35:16That's because men never think that anything is their fault.
35:19I wish there were no men.
35:21Oh god, call someone.
35:23She's gone insane.
35:24If there were no men, then we wouldn't feel hurt.
35:27And we wouldn't be disappointed.
35:30And we wouldn't be spending our entire night sitting here obsessing about them.
35:34I'm so over men.
35:37What?
35:39I am.
35:40Later that night, I got to thinking about men and women and relationships.
35:44Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships.
35:48Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head.
35:53What if everything isn't the man's fault?
35:56After a certain age and a certain number of relationships, if it still isn't working and
36:00the exes seem to be moving on and we don't, perhaps the problem isn't the last boyfriend,
36:05or the one before him, or even the one before him.
36:07Could it be that the problem isn't them, but horror of horrors?
36:13Is it us?
36:17And downtown, the Up My Ass players were in the middle of their late-night repertory.
36:22Much Ado About Up My Ass and Long Day's Journey Up My Ass.
36:29Samantha decided if she was ever going to get a good night's sleep again, she'd have
36:32to test just how effective a PR professional she was.
36:37Ladies, hello.
36:39Motherfucker.
36:41I live right up there, the loft within earshot.
36:44Now, as much as I respect a woman's right for a little something-something with certain
36:49New Jersey gentlemen, I have a request.
36:52I have a very early business meeting, and I think we all know there are certain dark
36:58circles that even the cleverest makeup tricks can't cover.
37:02Am I right?
37:03Sorry to wake you, baby.
37:05We'll take it down in your bed.
37:07I appreciate it.
37:08By the way, I'm Samantha.
37:11Destiny.
37:13Chyna.
37:14Joe.
37:15No, E.
37:15She got the E cut off.
37:19Those heels are fierce, miss girl.
37:22Aha.
37:23Don't I know it?
37:26Samantha always knew how to get her way with men, even if they were half-women.
37:38What?
37:40Rough night.
37:42Who is this?
37:43It's me.
37:47Oh, I didn't recognize your voice.
37:49You sounded different.
37:51Did I wake you?
37:52It's only 11.30.
37:53No, I was up late working, and there are these goddamn chickens that crow on the roof next
38:01door.
38:01Roosters.
38:03Roosters crow.
38:04Yes, a fun on the farm fact everyone seems to be aware of but me.
38:07So tell me, is Red a mistake?
38:10In what way?
38:11I'm repainting my bedroom.
38:14A red bedroom?
38:16Just one wall.
38:17But I think it's too red.
38:22It's like sleeping in communist China.
38:27She left.
38:30We ended it.
38:33I heard.
38:34You did?
38:36How?
38:38I think it was on the news.
38:43Could we have lunch sometime?
38:46Well, I really need to talk to you.
38:50Please.
38:51Where?
38:52The boathouse restaurant in Central Park.
38:55How about Saturday, too?
38:59Carrie?
39:00I'm nodding.
39:01So I'll see you, too, then.
39:03Bye.
39:04Bye.
39:04Bye.
39:05Bye.
39:06Bye.
39:08Later that day, I met Miranda at my favorite thrift store to dig for buried treasure.
39:13Hey, do you think I can get away with a hang-in-there baby halter top?
39:17I don't think anybody can get away with a hang-in-there baby halter top.
39:22Do you want to go to the hopper exhibit Saturday afternoon?
39:25Oh, I can't.
39:26I have to work.
39:33I lied.
39:33I don't have to work.
39:35I'm meeting Big for lunch, and I didn't think you'd approve.
39:38Wait, you're meeting Big?
39:39He called.
39:40He sounded upset, and he said he needed to talk.
39:43Since when does Big talk?
39:45What does that mean?
39:51He's upset about Natasha leaving.
39:53You know, okay, you know what?
39:54I'm not holding your hand through this again.
39:56I'm not asking you to hold my anything.
39:58We're just having lunch.
40:00That's a huge mistake.
40:01It is not a huge mistake.
40:03It's lunch.
40:04Wake up, Carrie.
40:05How many more times are you going to go through this?
40:07He is bad for you.
40:09Jesus, every time you get near him, you turn into this pathetic, needy, insecure victim,
40:14and the thing that pisses me off the most is that you're more than willing to go right back for
40:17more.
40:17I am not going back for more, and I can't even believe...
40:21I can't believe you would say that to me.
40:23If you start up with Big again...
40:24I am not starting up with Big again.
40:26Well, if you do, I don't want to know anything about it.
40:29I mean it, Carrie.
40:30No calls, no crying.
40:31Oh, what are you going to do, Miranda?
40:32Are you going to cut me out of your life like you did to Steve?
40:34What?
40:35The first sign of any little weakness or flaw, and you just write people off.
40:40My God, Miranda, you are so judgmental.
40:44Oh, what, you can say that I'm pathetic and needy and I can't say anything to you?
40:48You know, everybody's not as tough as you, Miranda.
40:52Pete, some of us make mistakes.
40:58Perfect.
40:59That's just perfect.
41:00Walk away.
41:01It's all my fault.
41:03And right there, next to the two-for-five-dollar bin, Miranda and I had our first big fight.
41:13You have no messages.
41:19I thought by the time I got home, Miranda would have left an apology on my machine.
41:26I was going to call her, but I wasn't quite sure what to say, or whose fault it really was.
41:33And at the exact same moment across town, Miranda was preparing to make the call she'd been dreading all day.
41:43Hi, yes, I'd like to order some takeout.
41:47Okay.
41:47Address, please.
41:49331 West 78th Street, apartment 4F.
41:53I'd like some...
41:53Chicken, broccoli, brown sauce, brown rice, so cold noodles.
41:57Right?
41:58You know what?
41:59I don't need this.
42:00Never mind.
42:01Okay.
42:02Bye-bye.
42:03After she hung up, Miranda couldn't get the giggle out of her head.
42:07She decided to walk the two blocks to confront the woman with the judgmental giggle who thought she was so
42:12much better than her.
42:14Hi.
42:15Shanghai Garden, may I help you?
42:19Okay.
42:20Yes.
42:21Address, please.
42:222-2-4 West 70th.
42:32Miranda realized the giggle wasn't about her at all.
42:35It wasn't about anything.
42:43It really wasn't the noodles that kept her coming back to this particular restaurant.
42:46It was the fact that this had been their place, and it was filled with happy memories.
42:55Hey, twice in one week.
42:56Am I lucky or what?
42:58I thought I got custody of this place.
43:00I like the hot and sour soup.
43:03You here by yourself?
43:04Mm-hmm.
43:05Me too.
43:06Sit down!
43:07I've got this whole bowl of crunchies here that I'll never get through.
43:14How are you?
43:15Oh, not good.
43:17Carrie and I had a huge fight.
43:19Yeah?
43:20About what?
43:21Me.
43:21Her.
43:22You.
43:23Big.
43:24Me.
43:26Hmm.
43:29My judgmental stuff.
43:32How bad was it?
43:33It wasn't good.
43:35Steve, I didn't throw you away.
43:37Did I?
43:38No.
43:39She said I did.
43:41Miranda, only you and I can ever really know what happened between you and I.
43:46It's nobody else's business.
43:48Yeah.
43:50But she said that, huh?
43:52Ouch.
43:54Must have been pretty mad.
43:55Well, I didn't exactly say nice things to her either.
43:59I just don't want her to get hurt again, you know?
44:01So, you yelled at her?
44:04Yeah.
44:07Sounds about par.
44:09I'm guessing your new girlfriend doesn't yell.
44:12Nope.
44:13How's that going?
44:15Hmm.
44:17It's okay.
44:17Do you like the order?
44:19Oh, yes.
44:20I'd like the chicken with broccoli and brown...
44:23You know what?
44:24Let me see the menu.
44:26I should try something new.
44:28Yeah, sure.
44:29Go ahead.
44:30Live a little.
44:32Wow, there's so much.
44:35There's so much.
44:38Baby, you're so fucking hot.
44:40I know.
44:41I can't believe it.
44:42They go away for one night and then they're back three nights in a row.
44:45Forget them, baby.
44:46Look at me.
44:48Oh, I'm sorry.
44:49I'm sorry.
44:50I'm here.
44:55Where are those cubs?
44:56I called them a half an hour ago.
44:58Baby, baby, look at me.
45:00Let's bring it on home.
45:03I can't.
45:04Baby, I'm close.
45:05No, well, I'm not.
45:09The idea that she'd miss a night's sleep pissed Samantha off.
45:12The idea that she'd miss an orgasm was more than she could bear.
45:15I can't help you, sister.
45:17Shut up, you bitches.
45:18I called the cops.
45:20Fuck my cops.
45:22Yeah, keep talking.
45:23I'll come down there and cut it off for you.
45:25I'd like to see you try, motherfucker.
45:27I know you think you're those cheap haylashers.
45:29They want that bitch.
45:30No way.
45:30What?
45:34Baby, you're not going to pull a Lorraine and Bob it, are you?
45:36$7,000 a month and I have to do it.
45:38Show that you have fucking trannies out there.
45:40I don't fucking think so.
45:43I am a texting citizen and a member of the Young Women's Business Association.
45:47I don't have to put up with this shit.
45:49Baby, forget them and come back to bed.
45:50But there was nothing anyone could do to stop her.
45:52Samantha was a woman obsessed.
45:54She had a date with Destiny.
45:56Chyna and Joe.
45:58No E.
45:58Take this, ladies!
46:00I'm going to come up there and kick your ass bitch!
46:09Get off my head, man.
46:10Shit.
46:16We are moving.
46:17You are the man.
46:19Moving along.
46:22Hey.
46:23Where are you going?
46:25Home.
46:26Baby, you freaked me out.
46:29And uptown, Charlotte was a bit freaked out as well.
46:32Unable to sleep and unable to unpack,
46:34she was spending time with the only man she could bring herself to tolerate,
46:38the Dalai Lama.
46:40Charlotte?
46:41It's me.
46:42Trey?
46:47What are you doing here?
46:48It's 4 a.m.
46:49Yeah, I know.
46:50I guess I got a light on from the street.
46:52I figured it'd still be up.
46:53What do you want?
46:55Ever since you left, I can't stop thinking about you.
47:01Honey, we're separated.
47:02I know.
47:05It seems once Charlotte swore off men,
47:07this man couldn't get enough of us.
47:15He wasn't a rooster, and it wasn't the Bronx,
47:17but from somewhere deep inside,
47:19Trey's cock began to crow.
47:25And across town, I was still wide awake.
47:28I couldn't get my fight with Miranda out of my head.
47:31Turns out, I was a woman who was not only capable of obsessing about my relationships with men,
47:36I was a woman who was capable of obsessing about my relationships with women.
47:41No.
47:52This is the Eastside Animal Shelter.
47:54Please leave a message.
47:56Hi, this is your neighbor who complained about the chickens.
47:58I'm leaving a message because I can't take it anymore.
48:00Move them in.
48:02Thanks.
48:03I figured if they had a very lovely life, I was entitled to the same thing.
48:11Well.
48:14Alrighty.
48:16I knew that was in me somewhere.
48:19You did.
48:22Yeah.
48:22I just hadn't felt it since before.
48:26Why'd you stop yourself before what?
48:30Since before we got engaged.
48:33Oh.
48:35Yeah.
48:36Oh.
48:38Do you think our whole problem had to do with the fact that...
48:44What?
48:46Say it.
48:48You didn't really want to marry me.
48:50No.
48:52No.
48:54I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I maybe didn't want to get married
48:57to anybody.
48:58Then why did you?
49:01I guess I thought it was time.
49:03I'm of a certain age.
49:05People expect you to get married.
49:07Yes.
49:08Well.
49:09That sounds familiar.
49:12And one other thing.
49:14What?
49:16I married you because I knew I'd never find anyone as wonderful as you to marry.
49:20I'm sorry.
49:51He may have gone away, a pre-op transsexual, but he came back loaded with eggs.
49:57Now who's laughing, bitch?
50:00Samantha realized this was one relationship with a man she wouldn't be able to just walk away from.
50:05Because this man was half woman.
50:11Oh, good.
50:12You're there.
50:13I was just going to call you.
50:15Do you really think I'm pathetic?
50:17No.
50:17I'm so sorry.
50:18I don't think you're pathetic at all.
50:21I'm outside the restaurant hiding in some bushes.
50:23Do you still not think I'm pathetic?
50:26Oh.
50:27Look, I know you think it's a huge mistake.
50:28It's just...
50:29It's just something I feel I need to do to move on or something.
50:32You know what?
50:33Don't listen to me.
50:34I have no idea what's right for you and Big.
50:36Okay.
50:37But if I'm totally wrong and it is a huge mistake, I need to know you'll be there for me.
50:41I'm there.
50:43Okay.
50:44I'm going in.
50:45Any last minute advice?
50:46Yes.
50:46Don't let him kiss you.
50:47That seems to be where you get into trouble.
50:51Carrie?
50:52I'm nodding.
51:09Hello, you.
51:12Hello, you.
51:17It's good to see you.
51:32Are you okay?
51:36Are you okay?
51:39Oh, my God.
51:40My question to your birth.
51:41I'll get it.
51:47Oh, my God.
51:48What is that?
51:57How was your shower?
51:58I no longer smell of pond.
52:05Exactly how many terrycloth robes do you have?
52:08Three or four.
52:09Oh.
52:10Three or four.
52:13I swore I would never be in this room with you again.
52:16You said to take you to the nearest shower.
52:23That is one red wall.
52:26That is one red wall.
52:26Yep.
52:27It's red.
52:31Hey.
52:33I got to ask you a question.
52:38Was it all my fault?
52:41No.
52:43It wasn't all your fault.
52:45Man, we really screwed that up.
52:47What were we thinking?
52:51I have no idea.
52:53Fuck.
52:55I was counting on you for answers.
53:02How you doing, kid?
53:04Pretty good.
53:05How you doing?
53:06Good.
53:07Aside from the fact I feel like I've been through a war.
53:11Really?
53:12We're like war buddies.
53:13War buddies in Calvin Klein robes.
53:20I hate to admit this, but...
53:23I kind of like living alone again.
53:28Why doesn't that surprise me?
53:38Nice to go.
53:40Don't you want to stay a while?
53:43I can't.
53:45Why?
53:49Because, sweet friend,
53:52you and I are like that red wall.
53:56It's a good idea in theory,
53:57but somehow it doesn't quite work.
54:05And just like that,
54:07I realized Big and I weren't us anymore.
54:09We had become something else.
54:12What it was,
54:13I had no idea.
54:18Oh.
54:19Oh.
54:31You have one new message.
54:34Hey, it's me.
54:35I'm just wondering how it all went.
54:37Call me when you get home.
54:39Oh.
54:40Oh.
54:41Oh.
54:41Oh.
54:44Oh.
54:45Oh.
54:47Oh.
54:49Oh.
54:50I had no idea where the chickens had gone,
54:52but I hoped it wasn't the Bronx,
54:54and I hoped they were happy.
54:58Hey!
55:00Ha-ha!
55:01Ha!
55:01Come on!
55:03Who wants the waiter?
55:04Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one.
55:06Ha-ha-ha!
55:18Ha-ha!
55:19Oh, my God.
55:21I'm obsessing again, aren't I?
55:22Little bit.
55:24No!
55:25What are we all drinking?
55:26Flirtinis.
55:27Vodka, pineapple, and champagne.
55:29Flirtinis.
55:31Destiny made them.
55:32Honey, I'm way past a flirtini.
55:34I need a flirtini.
55:35Watch your language.
55:36There's ladies' presence.
55:38Where?
55:39No.
55:40Oh, great.
55:41You with the flower.
55:42Look up.
55:42What do you mean, you with the flower?
55:43You talking to me?
55:45They're talking to you.
55:46Go, no.
55:48Get up.
55:49What do you want?
55:51I want you to give me a twirl and a twirl.
55:52I need to see you spin first, sister.
55:55Oh, girl.
55:59Is that good enough?
56:00Shake, yeah.
56:02Maybe I can shake.
56:02Something like that.
56:03I don't mind nothing.
56:04Wait, honey.
56:05Eat something.
56:08Oh, girl.
56:12You're nervous.
56:14Can I get all right?
56:16Don't worry.
56:16They have a very lovely life.
56:19I can't see happiness from here.
56:29I can't see happiness from here.
56:31I can't see happiness from here.
56:31I can't see happiness from here.
56:32I can't see happiness from here.
56:33I can't see happiness from here.