- 2 days ago
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00:01New York City can be a terrifying place.
00:04Hi.
00:05Uh, just coffee and a muffin, please?
00:08That'll be $7.50.
00:09But nothing is more frightening than the prospect of running into an ex
00:12before you've even had your morning coffee.
00:14Miranda?
00:15You made me burn my tongue.
00:17I gotta work on that, sorry.
00:19Jeez, you look great. How you doing?
00:21Good! You know, boring. What's new with you?
00:25I guess that means you didn't get the invitation yet.
00:28No. Um, invitation to what?
00:31I'm finally doing it. I'm opening up my own bar.
00:35Wow! Steve, you're kidding me!
00:38That's scary, right? And it's happening soon. It's like next Saturday.
00:42I'd really love it if you'd come.
00:44Oh, Miranda, you remember Jessica?
00:45Yes, sure. Of course, yes.
00:48So, you come, right? Next Saturday?
00:50Oh, we'd love to see you there.
00:53She weeded him, Carrie. Right in front of me.
00:57Miranda, I'm still asleep. How can you have had an emotional mini-drum already?
01:01No way I'm going to his opening, right? I mean, do you think I should go?
01:05Well, let me think for a second.
01:07What really pisses me off is...
01:09It was my idea. I'm the one who told him he should open his own bar in the first place.
01:12But do I get any credit?
01:13I'm guessing not, no.
01:14No, of course not. It's infuriating!
01:16Why couldn't he have been this ambitious when he was with me?
01:18Well, maybe you inspired him. Maybe, um, maybe he named the bar Miranda's or, uh, Hob's Knob.
01:24He named the bar Scout, Carrie. After his dog. I'm not going to that.
01:29Well, you have to go. You guys are friends now, right? That's what friends do.
01:33Really? You're my friend. Does that mean you have to go with me?
01:36Well, of course. Absolutely. That's what friends are for. Forget it. Not going.
01:43To what? What is it?
01:45Steve Brady and... Aiden Shaw?
01:48How did this happen? Why are they even friends?
01:52Well, according to Steve's girlfriend, Jessica, who answered his phone while he was in the shower this morning.
01:58I love how you say Jessica like allegedly that's her name.
02:01Aiden is Steve's silent partner.
02:04I wonder why I couldn't get an invitation.
02:05Well, you can have mine, sister, because I'm not going.
02:07Carrie, come on. It's a big party. You probably won't even see him.
02:10It's not a party. It's a parade of our failed relationships.
02:14Next you're going to tell me that, uh, that my junior prom dates the bar back.
02:18I think it's good Aiden invited you. It means that he's ready to be friends.
02:21No, I don't know what it means. I just know I don't want to find out at the party.
02:23It means I forgive you. Please come.
02:26Oh, nice try. I'm not going.
02:27I'll go.
02:29You see, Samantha's my friend.
02:31I'm going out with Samantha and her lesbian lover and I am proud.
02:35Let's not invite Maria. I could use a night away from the old ball and chain.
02:39Oh, don't tell me you're in a sapphic slump.
02:41All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.
02:45I think they call that a relationship.
02:47I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.
02:51I know. Don't you just hate that?
02:53Women.
02:54That night, Samantha was determined to get Maria out of the tub and out on the town.
02:59I do not see why we're out in this crowd with all the smoke when we could be home relaxing
03:06together.
03:07I just thought it would be fun to take our relationship out on dry land for a change. That's all.
03:11Besides, what's the fun of getting clean if you can't get a little dirty first?
03:15Samantha Jones.
03:16Is it going to be tonight, darling, the usual?
03:18Brian here happens to make the most dangerous mojitos in the city.
03:22Two mojitos coming up on the house.
03:26Fun place, huh?
03:28Hey, gorgeous.
03:28Oh, Sean Sullivan! What are you doing in town?
03:32I've got business for a few weeks. Hey, what are you doing next Saturday?
03:35Saturday?
03:36We have plans for Saturday.
03:38Okay.
03:39How about a late run?
03:42I'll call you.
03:44What is this late run?
03:47It doesn't translate.
03:48I didn't know that we had plans on Saturday.
03:50I already promised the girls I'd go out with them.
03:52Should I come?
03:53I'm a girl.
03:54No, sweetie, I know.
03:56But since you don't really like to go out, I just thought that...
03:58Here you go, ladies.
04:00Enjoy.
04:02I get off at four.
04:09Samantha had to face her past, and Charlotte was facing her future.
04:13Now that Trey had no problem getting hard in the bedroom, she saw no reason why their bed should be.
04:18I think we should register this day.
04:20I think we should register this day.
04:21I think we should register this day.
04:21I think we should come to the dance.
04:24Oh!
04:25Bunny!
04:26Hi.
04:27What are you doing here?
04:29When Trey told me you two were buying a new bed, I insisted he let me help.
04:33I picked out the one he has now.
04:35Did you know that?
04:36It's Chippendale.
04:37No.
04:38Um...
04:39Where is Trey?
04:41Still at the hospital, I expect.
04:43Don't fret.
04:44We'll find a mattress to fit the frame.
04:46You know, we were hoping to find a bed that was a little bigger and less hard.
04:52My dear, I'm a firm believer in firm mattresses.
04:56Oh, look.
04:57The perfect dust ruffle.
05:00Five-pleat gusseted duster with a foot drop.
05:03I have one just like it.
05:05Actually, Bunny, most of the newer beds don't even need dust ruffles.
05:10My dear child, you cannot not have a dust ruffle.
05:13It's unsightly.
05:18Oh, this is divine.
05:20Nice and firm.
05:22Hello, my darling girls.
05:24I'm sorry I'm late.
05:26I see you started without me, Mother.
05:27Trey, you simply must get in and feel this.
05:30It's sublime.
05:33Hello.
05:35Oh, this is comfy, isn't it?
05:38Charlotte, you really must try this.
05:40I was thinking more along the line.
05:41Oh, Charlotte, for heaven's sake, get in.
05:49This is heaven.
05:56I'm sorry, this is just way too-
05:58Firm?
05:59Alrighty then, something softer.
06:01Something with a dust ruffle tray.
06:02Whatever you say, Mother.
06:04You know best.
06:23You hear it too, huh, Fatty?
06:27I think I might have a ghost.
06:28I think I might have to hear that again.
06:30There were weird noises last night right above me.
06:33The cat heard it too.
06:34Oh.
06:35Well, if the cat heard it.
06:36That's not a ghost.
06:37That's some weird upstairs, neighbors, nocturnal...
06:41What have you?
06:42That's what I thought too, at first.
06:48There's no one living there.
06:51The place is completely empty, and I know it sounds crazy, but last night, I could feel
06:55it.
06:55Did the cat feel it too?
06:57The hairs on the back of my neck all stood up.
06:59My grandmother had a ghost, and finally, she had to tell it to leave.
07:03Well, that's exactly what you're supposed to do.
07:05Confront the ghost, acknowledge its presence, then release it.
07:09How do you happen to know that?
07:10Everybody knows that.
07:11The thing that I don't understand is, why now?
07:13I've been living there for two years.
07:15When I was living alone, I used to feel scared like that all the time.
07:18But now that I'm back with Trey, I feel so safe.
07:21What are you saying, Charlotte?
07:22I have a ghost because I'm single?
07:24That's discrimination!
07:27New York is definitely haunted.
07:29Old lovers, ex-boyfriends, anyone you have unresolved issues with, you are bound to run
07:34into again and again until you resolve them.
07:36My relationship with Aiden was long dead, but with one invitation, he was suddenly a presence
07:41in my life again.
07:42Or had he been there all along?
07:44Like the chair he made, that I could never bring myself to sell.
07:49When a relationship dies, do we ever really give up the ghost?
07:53Or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?
08:03Why did you not introduce me to that, Sean?
08:07Uh, he's nobody, just the guy I used to fuck.
08:13Oh.
08:14And the bartender man?
08:16He's nobody, just a guy I used to fuck.
08:22And why have you not told this nobody that you are with somebody now?
08:29Well, what am I supposed to say?
08:32Hi, this is my lesbian lover, and P.S. I'm done with Dick.
08:36Who said anything about Dick?
08:39I was talking about our relationship.
08:41Of course you were.
08:46Mr. Dick, is that what this is all about?
08:52It's okay to tell me.
08:54We should talk about this.
08:57We're talking about...
09:01Okay, I'll talk.
09:05How many men have you been with?
09:07How many women have you been with?
09:09Twelve.
09:13Have you been with more than twelve men?
09:19Why are we even talking about this?
09:22Why are you so afraid to talk?
09:25Always pulling away.
09:27I'm not pulling away.
09:29I'm trying to get closer.
09:32No.
09:33No, no, no.
09:35Not like that.
09:36Not with sex.
09:39I cannot just turn it on and off.
09:42After all, I'm not a man.
09:45You know what?
09:47I think I'm clean now.
09:51That n-
09:56Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she?
10:00Of course.
10:00Mother does all our houses.
10:02I should have known.
10:04Plaid and the mallards.
10:07You don't like them?
10:08No!
10:08It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness.
10:12Trey, if we're really serious about making a fresh start with our marriage and making this our home, it should
10:20reflect our taste, shouldn't it?
10:23I have no taste, clearly.
10:26Well, then my taste for us.
10:28Darling Mother spent an awful lot of time and money on this place.
10:31I understand.
10:33But I am your wife.
10:35So maybe I should just have a chat with her.
10:37No, let me talk to her.
10:39It might go easier.
10:41Tomorrow, when she comes over for brunch, I will sit her down and say that this is simply not our
10:46slash your taste.
10:48The animals have got to go.
10:53But the next morning-
10:54Oh, up in Adam George McFadden.
10:57It's daylight in the swamp.
10:58Trey was in no condition to talk to anyone.
11:01Hello, Mother.
11:01Oh, darling.
11:03What's the matter?
11:04Are you ill?
11:05Here, let Mother-
11:08Charlotte, telephone my house and tell Geneva to bring over some broth and my overnight case.
11:14I know you have a busy week at the gallery and I might as well stay in the guest room
11:18until Trey's recovered.
11:20Oh, Charlotte, what's this mallard doing here?
11:23He lives in the study.
11:27Yes, Bunny.
11:29Since I wasn't going to risk an awkward public confrontation at Aiden's opening, I wanted to at least make a
11:34gesture.
11:35Some small way of saying thank you for inviting me, for being braver than I could have been, and for
11:41at least suggesting that we can be friends.
11:51Hello?
11:53There was no sign of him, but he was everywhere.
11:57In the mahogany bar, the wood floors, the carved ceiling.
12:01The whole place looked and felt, just like Aiden.
12:05Hey!
12:06Hey!
12:07What are you doing here?
12:08Oh, I was just in the neighborhood.
12:11You know, I just couldn't resist a little sneak preview.
12:14Hey, did the mahogany come with you?
12:15Oh, no, no.
12:16I just, um, I don't think, I'm not going to be able to come to the opening, so I just
12:20wanted to thank Aiden, you know, for inviting me.
12:25So, it's the Mulberry Bush.
12:28You know, because the bar is on...
12:30Mulberry Street.
12:31Oh, thanks.
12:32Wow.
12:33Carrie, that's really, really sweet.
12:35Um, only, um, Aiden didn't exactly invite you, I did.
12:41Oh, you did?
12:42Well, yeah, because I thought, you know, Miranda might feel more comfortable if she knew that you were going to
12:46be here, so...
12:47Oh, so then, Aiden didn't invite me.
12:51Well, no, not exactly, but...
12:53Hey, Steve!
12:54Oh, hey, I gotta, gotta, gotta go.
12:56Carrie!
13:00That night, I wasn't the only one who was haunted.
13:10One phone call later.
13:11Does the ghost like Oreos?
13:13At this point, I'm almost hoping there is a ghost, otherwise I'm insane.
13:16You say that like it's an either-or proposition.
13:18I know.
13:19I'm sorry for making you come over.
13:21I just needed another person here, you know?
13:23Because the cat's an unreliable witness.
13:26Oh, don't worry about it.
13:26I checked the rarely invoked haunted house clause of the best friend contract.
13:29You're completely covered.
13:32Meanwhile, across the park, Charlotte, haunted by Bunny's decision to spend the night, couldn't sleep either.
13:43Bunny!
13:43What are you doing?
13:44I remembered I had some fix in my bag.
13:47It's the best thing for a cold.
13:49But I already gave him some NyQuil.
13:51NyQuil doesn't cure anything, Charlotte, except consciousness.
13:55Don't you think I should do that?
13:56Oh, I've been doing it since he was a child.
13:58It's no bother.
13:59But Aiden's wife, if anyone does it, it should be me.
14:04Not on his tummy, Charlotte.
14:05You're trying to break up the phlegm.
14:08Oh, let me.
14:09You don't know what you're doing.
14:10And you're being very inappropriate.
14:21Honey, I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work.
14:26Trey and I are back together and this is our house.
14:28And we will redecorate it as we see fit.
14:31No more plaid.
14:33No more duck decoys.
14:35From now on, there could only be one lady of the house.
14:41I've been in this house far longer than you, my dear.
14:44And unlike you, I never left.
14:47Believe me, the decoys may come and go.
14:50But I'm going to be here forever.
15:01Samantha?
15:03Samantha, you home?
15:04Come on, baby, open up. It's me and Sean.
15:06Come on.
15:08Ma'am.
15:10Oh, wow.
15:14Sean, what are you doing here?
15:15It's three o'clock in the morning.
15:18Let's fuck.
15:19How did you even get in?
15:21Your security code's still the same.
15:22So how about it?
15:23Can I come in?
15:24No, Sean, you can't be here right now.
15:26Hey, come on, come on, come on.
15:27I got hard.
15:28Just walking up the stairs.
15:31What, you got another guy in here or something?
15:33No.
15:35Not another guy, no.
15:37I'm Maria.
15:38Hey.
15:38Samantha's girlfriend.
15:41Oh, good for you.
15:43Wow, that's...
15:44Hey, maybe I could come in and you two could make me a sandwich or something.
15:50I don't think tonight's gonna be good for us.
15:53Come on.
15:54I'm only in town for just...
15:59I'm sorry.
16:01You get away from the door, motherfucker, before I call the cops.
16:06Hey, good night.
16:08And with that, Maria released Samantha's ghost and confronted Samantha.
16:15You let men come to your door like this in the middle of the night?
16:20Let it go.
16:20It's all in the past.
16:21No.
16:22It's not in the past.
16:24It's serving his drinks.
16:26It's on the answer machine.
16:28It's at your door in the middle of the night.
16:30All right, this might come as a shock to you, but I used to have sex with men.
16:33This man was here for nothing but sex.
16:36Yes, which I used to enjoy and haven't had much of since I got into this relationship.
16:40You call this a relationship?
16:42Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, yes.
16:46If you have something to say to me...
16:49I have nothing to say to you.
16:51I am fresh out of things to say to you.
16:54All we ever do is talk, talk, talk.
16:56The talking in our relationship has replaced the fucking in our fucking relationship.
17:00I don't want talk.
17:02I want passion.
17:03I want fireworks!
17:06Oh!
17:07Do you want fireworks?
17:09I saw you fireworks!
17:13Ah!
17:14That's fireworks!
17:16How?
17:16What are you doing, dear?
17:18Stop it!
17:19Ah!
17:20Stop!
17:23That's my plate!
17:25It is, I'm not your plate!
17:27You don't even claw!
17:30And...
17:31You want a little part of work?
17:33Ah!
17:33Bean!
17:35I'm not a little one!
17:36Fuck Bean!
17:39He didn't even leave a card, so now he's not going to know what the plant's supposed to mean.
17:43It's like a plant bombed him.
17:45Hm.
17:47So how did the bar look?
17:48Yeah, like Aiden.
17:49It's amazing.
17:50Well, good for Steve.
17:52That's convincing.
17:54I know.
17:55I'm trying to be happy for him.
17:56He's got his own bar, his own life, his own Jessica.
18:02And I'm still here.
18:03You know?
18:04In the same apartment, doing the same job, living the same life.
18:11Yeah, but you have something that no one else has.
18:13You have a ghost.
18:14You have a ghost?
18:14You have two.
18:16Yeah, but at least Big's the friendly ghost.
18:19Aiden, on the other hand...
18:21I'm just afraid the way I treated him is going to haunt me the rest of my life.
18:25There's nothing I can do about it.
18:27Sure there is.
18:28Come to the party!
18:29Didn't invite me.
18:31Steve's a good guy.
18:32He wouldn't have invited you if it wasn't okay with Aiden.
18:36Do you ever think that you might still have feelings for Steve?
18:41No.
18:42God, no.
18:43Why?
18:44Do you?
18:45For Aiden?
18:47No.
18:49I don't know.
18:51I don't think so.
18:57I don't know.
19:08I left Miranda's early, got some sleep.
19:11And in the light of day, it felt like all my ghosts had disappeared.
19:15And I saw the world exactly as it was.
19:30A few days later, Trey felt better too.
19:38So did Charlotte, especially since Bunny had moved out of the guest room and back into her own apartment.
19:43You!
19:45Adam George Mc...
19:47I...
19:48I brought some muff...
19:51Muff...
19:52Oh, dear.
19:54I...
19:55Oh, well, I just brought...
19:58I brought some muffins for breakfast.
20:01Well, I thought...
20:02Charlotte didn't know whether it was their making love or their making love on a bed without a dust ruffle
20:06that had offended Bunny.
20:07But either way, their sexorcism ensured Bunny never haunted their home again, unless expressly invited.
20:15While downtown, a dearly departed spirit suddenly reappeared.
20:21It's been two days. I was worried.
20:24And you didn't even call.
20:26Neither did you.
20:33I brought you a gift.
20:38Better be dishes.
20:40Open it.
20:42Maria made one last-ditch effort to give Samantha what she thought she needed.
20:46You bought me a strap-on?
20:50Samantha was touched.
20:51And since she couldn't bring herself to admit she wasn't capable of being in a relationship, she simply said...
20:57Well, I guess we could give it a try.
21:00That night, despite all my fears and reservations, I let Miranda and Samantha talk me into going to the opening
21:07of Scout.
21:08Wow.
21:09We're all these attractive people.
21:12Hello.
21:13Who cares? We're looking for Aiden, ladies. Isaac Kimbo.
21:16What?
21:17Yeah, that's it. Stealth.
21:23Hey, what you doing there, sister? Getting your groove on? Doing the robot?
21:27I threw my back out.
21:28Oh, oh.
21:29How?
21:30Fucking Maria with the strap-on.
21:32She fucked me, I fucked her.
21:34With all the fucking and talking, I had no idea men had to work so hard.
21:37How does the strap-on work exactly? Is it belted, or...?
21:40You know what, could we not have the strap-on conversation right now? This night is hard enough as it
21:44is.
21:45All right.
21:47How does it work?
21:48Hey, what did I just say?
21:49It doesn't. Maria and I broke up.
21:52Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
21:54Was it the strap-on that broke the relationships back, or just yours?
21:57Maria thinks I have intimacy issues.
21:59Oh, she's crazy.
22:01I tried, I really did, but I'm not a relationship person. I told her from the start, didn't I?
22:05You absolutely did. No question.
22:07I did, I did, and then she has to go and fall in love with me. I mean, what the
22:09fuck?
22:11I need a drink.
22:13Would it be bad to have a martini with my muscle relaxant, or bad in a good way?
22:17I don't know.
22:18Are you operating heavy machinery this evening?
22:20Never again. Where's the bar in this bar?
22:24Miranda was right. When you see a ghost, you just know it. You can feel it.
22:28The hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
22:30And turn this body back to one.
22:33So tell me why.
22:35We got to die.
22:37And give me the blue of ours.
22:40We got to wait.
22:45That was it?
22:47That's all I get?
22:49I don't even know what that was.
22:51I don't even know who that was. Was that Aiden?
22:53Does he look better or have I just been with a woman for too long?
22:56Alright, that's enough. I'm going home. I don't even know why I came.
22:59Oh, because I begged you to. Come on, let me buy you ladies a free drink. Huh?
23:02Okay.
23:03Oh, I'll meet you at the bar.
23:04Yeah, okay.
23:07You came!
23:09I'm so glad.
23:11So, what do you think?
23:13I think...
23:16I think you did good.
23:17Really? You mean it?
23:20Because I never would have done this if it wasn't for you.
23:22What are you talking about? I didn't do anything.
23:24Are you kidding me?
23:25This whole thing was your idea.
23:27You always told me I should start my own bar.
23:29I never forgot that.
23:31I just never thought that I could, so...
23:35Thanks.
23:38You did good.
23:41And just like that, Miranda gave up the ghost.
23:44Come on, let's get you drunk.
23:48An hour later, since my ghost hadn't reappeared, I decided to sneak out the side door for some cake and
23:54smoke.
23:59You're not seriously smoking it, are you?
24:02Huh.
24:03Is that all you could carry, Carrie?
24:08I can't eat the cake.
24:11Huh.
24:13You sure you can?
24:14Yeah.
24:15Now you've got your fingers all in it.
24:19Ah, that's my cake.
24:22Now you want the cake?
24:24I never not wanted it.
24:27Okay, lady, you take the cake.
24:42You cut your hair.
24:47You have frosting and do that.
24:55Hey, bud.
24:56Hey.
24:56Hey.
24:57Hey.
24:58It's time for a toast.
25:06I thought you were the silent partner.
25:11Glad you came.
25:14Hey.
25:26See you, Carrie.
25:29Good to see you, too.
25:35I had confronted my ghost.
25:36I had accepted and released him.
25:39But now I was more haunted than ever.
25:42because what I felt out there was no ghost.
25:44It was real.
25:54Despite the fact that there are over 8 million people on the island of Manhattan,
25:58there are times when you still feel shipwrecked and alone.
26:02Times when even the most resourceful survivor will feel the need to put a message in a bottle
26:07or on an answering machine.
26:10Hey, this is Aiden.
26:11I'm not Aiden, leak message.
26:28I'm not Aiden, leak message.
26:38I know where you dialed but you have no idea what you say if he actually answered.
26:40It's emotional rush roulette.
26:42You mean you call and you hang up?
26:45Yeah, that's pretty much the drill.
26:46Why would you do that?
26:47I don't know.
26:47I don't even know why I'm telling you.
26:49Don't tell anybody else.
26:53Carrie, tell them what you told me.
26:55That I'm not going to your African dance class ever again or that you can't keep the secret.
26:59Carrie's calling Aiden.
27:00And hanging up?
27:01Why are you calling him?
27:05I think I want him back.
27:08How do I do this?
27:10Well, first you have to be willing to accept the fact that after what happened, he might not want to
27:13hear it.
27:14I'm willing to accept that fact. How do I do this?
27:16You don't. One word, honey. Granola. So not you.
27:19Aiden's perfect. He stripped her floors. He just needs to get rid of the turquoise rings and the tummy.
27:24Oh, the tummy is gone. That thing last week, he looked disturbingly good.
27:29He's the new improved Aiden.
27:30Low-fat granola.
27:31Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks good. He looks good.
27:34That's not why I want him back though. I just miss him.
27:36Did you miss him before you saw him?
27:38What about the turquoise?
27:39I miss him. I have missed him for months.
27:44Okay, you need a safe approach in case he rejects you.
27:47Email him.
27:48No, I don't believe in email. I'm an old-fashioned gal. I prefer calling than hanging up.
27:52Oh, come on, honey. You gotta get online, if only for the porn.
27:55Yeah, um, would you please stop sending me those?
27:57Oh, come on. It's funny.
27:59No, I can't get email just to write to Aiden. That's pathetic.
28:02It's not just email. You can shop online.
28:04Oh, no, no, no, no. Shopping is my cardio.
28:06Okay, okay. I know what you do. Don't call. Don't email. Just show up at his furniture store.
28:14Where he mays.
28:15Ew, what are those?
28:16They have nipples. And why are we carrying them around?
28:19They were sent to me as some kind of promotional thing.
28:21Really? Is there a nipple council? Are nipples getting a bad rap?
28:24Nipples are huge right now.
28:26Open any magazine. It's not that cold.
28:29Those girls are either tweaking or they're wearing beads.
28:31Sam, put them in. I want to see how they work.
28:33Oh, no, no. Samantha already leads with her breasts. It's not a very good experiment.
28:36Miranda, you try them.
28:38Oh, yeah. Now that I'd like to see.
28:41I'm not certain, but I have a feeling my boobs were just insulted.
28:44Alright, cover me.
28:46That's it.
28:46Ooh. That's obscene.
28:50Okay, walk.
28:54We have secretly replaced Miranda's normal nipples with rubber ones. Let's see what happens.
29:04Okay, that's it. I want my nipples back.
29:06The next day, sans nipples.
29:08Miranda's cardio put my cardio to shame.
29:11She was training for the marathon.
29:13And running wasn't the only thing getting her heart rate going.
29:16Are you sure you're in the right group?
29:18Ten minute mile, right? I was here last week.
29:20Yeah, I know. But the thing is, um, we never get any cute guys in this group.
29:24All the cute guys are in the seven minute mile group.
29:26So I'm the cutest of the slow guys, is what you're saying?
29:30Knee surgery.
29:30Oh.
29:33Have you run the marathon before?
29:35Past four years.
29:36Wow.
29:36What about you?
29:37Oh, first time.
29:39Oh, I'm sorry.
29:40We should train during the week.
29:42Are there runs during the week?
29:43I don't know. I meant just the two of us.
29:45Oh, sure.
29:47That'd be great.
29:48Miranda was thrilled.
29:49But she still wasn't sure if he was interested in anything more than a running buddy.
29:55Say line, say line.
29:56And uptown, Charlotte's marathon redecoration continued.
30:00I can't believe I ever questioned this wallpaper.
30:03I love this wallpaper.
30:05And I love you.
30:06Aww.
30:09Well, I guess we're done with this room.
30:11Mm-hmm.
30:11Time to move on to the study.
30:14There's one room in every marriage that forces the question,
30:17how long do we want it to be just the two of us?
30:21It's right off our bedroom.
30:23So...
30:25Well...
30:25What do you want to do with this room?
30:27Or it could be a good room for a...
30:31B...
30:32A...
30:33B-Y?
30:35I think we already have enough bathrooms.
30:40Trey and Charlotte were finally on the same page.
30:42And the page had a baby on it.
30:46Meanwhile, Samantha went shopping, nipples blazing, and picked up a 94 Cabernet and an 84 Harvard MBA.
30:52Believe me, this is nothing.
30:54It's a blip.
30:55No, we can't retract it because that's what you said.
30:58Warren Dreyfuss was a founding partner of the communication strategy firm that made the Exxon oil spill an incident rather
31:05than a debacle.
31:06Look, I gotta go.
31:07You got it.
31:09And next time, talk to me before you talk to the press.
31:11Alright, man.
31:12Bye.
31:13Sorry about that.
31:15About talking on the phone or staring at my nipples?
31:18About talking on the phone.
31:27That night, I tried to compose my first email.
31:30A witty, yet sexy, yet sensitive note to Aiden.
31:52And across town, Samantha was getting some mail as well.
31:58Oh!
32:01As a lover, Warren was fantastic.
32:04But as a communications strategist, he made one major mistake.
32:09May I have thought, does your China whiner want a little visit for my Mr. Mr.?
32:18Heck!
32:19He didn't say that.
32:20It's not what he said, it's how he said it in Baby Talk.
32:24Ugh.
32:24Baby Talk's the worst.
32:26How can they think it's sexy?
32:27It's like...
32:28It's like putting ketchup on prime ribs.
32:30Stop!
32:30You're ruining it!
32:31I know, and it's such a shame because this guy is hot!
32:34I finally had to sit on his face to shut him up.
32:37You know, some men use Baby Talk to avoid intimacy.
32:39While others simply choose not to respond to your email.
32:42Oh, Aiden still hasn't written back?
32:44Oh, 14 hours.
32:45But who's counting?
32:46Oh, my God!
32:47Oh!
32:49Isn't this adorable?
32:51Don't you think that maybe it's a wee bit small?
32:53Oh, you guys.
32:56Trey and I are trying to have a baby.
32:59Why?
33:00Don't you think that maybe you should wait a while?
33:02I mean, you guys just got back together.
33:04I can't wait.
33:04I'm the oldest woman I know who doesn't have a baby.
33:07The oldest married woman who wants one, you know what I mean?
33:11Sweetie, if that's what you want, I'm very happy for you.
33:13Thanks.
33:14You're welcome.
33:15And I promise, I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies.
33:19Good!
33:21Oh, look over here!
33:23What the hell's a diaper genie?
33:25I don't know.
33:26Someone you hired to change a kid's diaper?
33:28Huh.
33:29Charlotte.
33:31Hi, Trisha!
33:32Trisha Watson was one of those hip moms for whom Barneys would always be stores, not dinosaurs.
33:39Cliff told me you and Trey are back together. I'm so glad.
33:41Aw.
33:42This is Mary Elizabeth.
33:44Hello, Mary Elizabeth.
33:45I'm Charlotte.
33:46See you sneaking.
33:48Tray and I are drinking.
33:49Right.
33:50Oh, that's great!
33:52You and Cliff should come over for dinner this week.
33:54We just redecorated our dining room.
33:56We haven't even used it yet.
33:57I'd love to, but try finding a sitter for three kids under eight.
34:01I can't believe I'm 34 with three kids.
34:06I invited the Watsons over for dinner Tuesday to bring in their kids.
34:10Righty.
34:11Charlotte, 35 with no kids, decided it was time to get serious.
34:17The next day I worked on a little piece I was calling, 36 hours and still no response from
34:23Aiden.
34:24The Indians had to wait up to six months for a response.
34:28It took me six months to get the message that I wanted to be with Aiden and now I couldn't
34:32wait another minute.
34:33Are all these improvements in communication really helping us communicate?
34:38In matters of love, do actions really speak louder than words?
34:43I decided to take action.
34:45And this time, he answered.
34:47Hello.
34:48Why won't you respond to my email?
34:50Who is this?
34:51Oh, Carrie.
34:53It's Carrie.
34:54Hi.
34:54Hey.
34:55I was just asking if you ever got my email.
34:58Shoe Gal.
34:59What?
35:00That's my screen name, Shoe Gal.
35:01Oh, yeah, yeah.
35:02I think I got it and deleted it.
35:04That's not very neighborly.
35:05Well, I get so much damn junk mail if I don't know an address, you know.
35:08Oh, I have the opposite problem.
35:10I've received two emails total, one from Miranda and one welcoming me to AOL.
35:15What'd it say?
35:16Oh, just, you know, how to use the different features and stuff and, you know, like, welcome.
35:21No, no, no.
35:21The one you...
35:23Oh.
35:23Oh, the one I...
35:24The one to you.
35:25Oh.
35:26Um.
35:27You know what?
35:28It doesn't even matter.
35:28Oh, well, you know what?
35:30I was hoping that, um, you and Steve and Miranda and me could go out sometime.
35:34You know, just like as a, you know, a fun group thing.
35:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:39Sounds good.
35:40Okay, great.
35:40So I'll set it up.
35:41Okay.
35:42Okay.
35:43Okay.
35:45Bye.
35:46Bye.
35:52Meanwhile, Miranda's run led to want to come up for coffee, which led to sex, which led her
35:57to believe that Marathon Man could be more than a running buddy.
36:02I'm all sweaty.
36:04It tastes great.
36:26Hey, Miranda, did you get my email about our double whatever it is?
36:29Yes, and I'm ignoring it.
36:32I'm so far not impressed with the email.
36:33Why would I go out with Steve?
36:35No, no.
36:35You're not going out with Steve.
36:37You're going as my airbag in case there's an impact.
36:39And Steve's going as Aiden's airbag.
36:42Well, would you explain that to Steve?
36:44Because I don't want him to get the wrong impression.
36:45I'm dating other people now.
36:47Who?
36:47Marathon Man?
36:48Yes.
36:49We slept together after our run.
36:51Well, I guess he was interested.
36:52Did he live up to his nickname?
36:54Yeah, it was good except he kind of licked my butt.
37:00Be specific.
37:01You mean the cheeks or?
37:03It was more localized than that.
37:05Wait a minute.
37:06Are we talking tuchus lingus?
37:09I'm afraid so.
37:11And I thought it was weird.
37:13It's weird, right?
37:14I mean, are we doing this now?
37:15Well, if the guy's willing, why not?
37:17Anyone other than Samantha?
37:19No, no, no.
37:20I never had a guy to the TL on me, noob.
37:22Well, actually, no, one time it almost happened, but I got the feeling he just lost his way.
37:27Hm?
37:28Well, Trey likes to do it.
37:31We're married.
37:32Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.
37:37There's something happening with men in the ass.
37:39It's true.
37:40The last few guys I've been with have been much more eager to attend to it, you know, digitally.
37:45How did this happen?
37:46How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
37:48I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everybody,
37:53women love this.
37:54Who is this guy?
37:55Who's the woman who loved it?
37:56Don't knock it until you try it.
37:58Bingo.
37:59Maybe I shouldn't have pulled away so fast.
38:01Was this my last shot, you think?
38:02Am I out of the ass loop forever?
38:04I mean, I can't bring myself to ask for it.
38:06You don't have to ask for it.
38:07Just lean into it.
38:08No words necessary.
38:10They'll get the signal.
38:11But then, do I have to reciprocate?
38:13No.
38:14I would never do it back to them.
38:16Neither would I.
38:17Me neither.
38:18You wouldn't?
38:21That night, Charlotte performed a more traditional wifely duty.
38:31This looks amazing, Charlotte.
38:33Trish is amazed that anyone cooks.
38:35Well, Trish has three kids, which keeps her kind of busy.
38:37I don't want to sit next to the lady.
38:40Martin, that's one.
38:41Hmm.
38:42How many does he get?
38:43Forty-five.
38:44I don't wanna!
38:47Martin, um, we can rearrange if you want.
38:50No, it's fine.
38:52Ow!
38:52Martin, do you need your inhaler?
38:54No!
38:54He's asthmatic.
38:55Not gonna be much in the sports department.
38:57Not all little boys have to play sports.
38:59Don't talk to me like you talk to the kids.
39:02Martin, up here.
39:07Fancy shoes there, Hank.
39:08They used to be mine.
39:10And now he won't go anywhere without them.
39:11Don't talk about him like that.
39:13Don't you talk to me like that.
39:14Ah!
39:16That night, Trish and Charlotte didn't have sex.
39:18And they didn't have sex the next night either.
39:21This time, inaction was speaking louder than words.
39:24So this guy from pest control comes over and he sticks a few dead ones on a tape strip.
39:28I, on the other hand, was full of words.
39:30They're everywhere.
39:31And so I say to him, I say, well, you know, sir, what are they?
39:34And he says, lady, I don't know.
39:36That's why I'm sending him into the lab.
39:37And I'm thinking, you know, this is New York.
39:39And this is the pest guy.
39:40And I got something.
39:41He doesn't know what it is.
39:43And I didn't go.
39:50I gotta take a leak.
39:51I'm laughing too hard.
39:52Oh, man, I was gonna go.
39:54And?
39:54And we're men.
39:56We don't do that.
39:57Women can do that.
39:57Men can't.
39:58You should go.
39:59Break with convention.
40:00What the hell?
40:01I'm man enough.
40:02Yeah.
40:02Yeah, do I get a say in this?
40:04I mean, we're already partners.
40:05Go, Bob.
40:05People are gonna talk.
40:06We're going to the bathroom.
40:10So apparently, Aiden needed an airbag in the bathroom.
40:12You know what?
40:12I think I'm okay.
40:14You mean you think you're over him?
40:15No, I mean, I think you can go.
40:17I don't even get flan?
40:18The thing is, if you don't leave now, then we're gonna have to end the night together.
40:23You know, we're gonna have to hug and share cabs according to neighborhood.
40:25And then, and then I won't have any time alone with him.
40:27Yeah.
40:29Yeah, okay.
40:30Okay.
40:31I'm gonna take Steve with you.
40:39Thank you for walking me home.
40:41Oh.
40:42Hey, you look four blocks from the restaurant.
40:44At least I could do.
40:48Good to see you tonight.
40:50I think I want to get back together.
40:52Oh, fuck.
40:52I was afraid you were gonna say something like that.
40:59I was willing to try the friendship thing, but I can't do the relationship thing.
41:06But, you put your hand on my hand.
41:13What?
41:14At the restaurant.
41:15You moved to...
41:17Oh, I was trying to make you comfortable.
41:20I just seemed so nervous telling that bug story.
41:23Oh.
41:25Oh.
41:27Oh.
41:28Oh, well.
41:29Like...
41:30Then I guess I should...
41:36Good night.
41:47Good night.
41:50Miranda didn't answer her phone, so I left her a desperate message and started to send
41:54her a desperate email.
41:59Hello?
42:00Hey, I was just about to call you.
42:02I was IMing with Marathon Man.
42:04Interesting.
42:05Will your tuchus be wanting some Lingus?
42:06Uh, listen.
42:07If things work out between him and me, we never had that conversation.
42:11He's coming over.
42:12Well, I guess you'll be having dessert after all.
42:15Hmm.
42:15What happened to my airbag outside the restaurant?
42:18Steve tried to kiss me.
42:19Aiden kissed me.
42:20Although, we kind of miskissed him.
42:22I wasn't gonna kiss him at all because he said he just wanted to be friends, but then
42:25he kissed me.
42:25What does that mean?
42:28Oh, my God.
42:28He's online.
42:30Can he see me?
42:30No.
42:31Just step away from the computer.
42:32I'm gonna go back there.
42:33Where?
42:34To Aiden's?
42:34Well, I know he's home.
42:36Eric.
42:36Pace yourself.
42:37Send him an email or something.
42:38No, because then he'll just say that he doesn't want to see me, but I know he does.
42:42His words said no, but his kiss said yes.
42:44That's the defense invoked by date rapists.
42:47I know he still feels it.
42:50When men attempt bold gestures, it's generally considered romantic.
43:01When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho.
43:05I was hoping to prove I was neither.
43:12Hey again, you.
43:16You haven't been out here since I went up, have you?
43:18No, no.
43:19No, no, no, no.
43:20I went home.
43:21And you came back?
43:23Yeah.
43:24Yeah, I came back.
43:26See, I, I, I think, no, I feel fairly certain that there is still something between us.
43:36I had a nice time tonight with you.
43:39I did.
43:40But I just want to, I wouldn't leave it at that.
43:44Well, can I come up and talk to you for a few minutes?
43:46I don't think that's a good idea.
43:50Because of what might happen?
43:55Because it's not a good time.
43:59Look, I know that you're probably scared and I would be too, but it's different now.
44:04Things are different.
44:05I'm, I'm different.
44:07In fact, in fact, wait a second.
44:10In fact, cigarettes, gone.
44:12Seriously, all bad habits, gone.
44:14This is a, a whole new thing because I have, I miss you.
44:18And I've missed you.
44:20And it's not just because you look so good and you do and you should know that.
44:24But I lie in bed at night and I think about us and I think about you holding me and...
44:29You broke my heart!
44:37Carrie.
44:38Excuse me.
44:42Samantha.
44:43I love your titty-witties.
44:45As I was wishing I had said nothing.
44:48Samantha decided she had to say something.
44:50Warren.
44:52You're a great fuck.
44:53But I don't need the baby talk.
44:56You don't have to call these my titty-witties.
44:59These are my breasts.
45:00And you don't have to say anything about them.
45:03It's just sex.
45:04And it's fine.
45:10Warren?
45:16Warren.
45:19Would you please come out of there?
45:20Can we talk about this like adults?
45:23We're not finished.
45:27I was very close, you well seen.
45:32Okay, you can call them titty-witties.
45:35I'm leaving.
45:37I got an early day tomorrow.
45:38Oh, come on.
45:40Don't pout.
45:40We were having such a nice time.
45:42It was only a suggestion.
45:44Where are my shoes?
45:46Huh.
45:50Samantha realized.
45:51She wore the nipples and attracted a big baby.
45:55And speaking of babies, Charlotte and Trace still were not.
46:00This was delivered today.
46:03I ordered that a week ago.
46:06I needed time to engrave it.
46:08I totally forgot.
46:09We had each other.
46:10And then we had you.
46:12And then we had everything.
46:14Love, Mommy and Daddy.
46:16Ah, it's completely premature.
46:18I was just so excited.
46:20And now?
46:22Do you not want a baby anymore?
46:26Of course I do.
46:28Don't you?
46:29Well, we pretty much stopped trying after the Watsons came over.
46:33Yeah.
46:36Kids don't even want to sit by me.
46:51I knew Cliff and Trisha when they were first married.
46:53They were so in love.
46:54And now they're just...
46:59Parents.
47:01Yeah.
47:07Maybe if we only have one child.
47:11I wanted to start.
47:14See how we do.
47:17Besides...
47:17Then Trey told the lie that all parents-to-be have to tell themselves in order to procreate.
47:23Our kids will be different.
47:26Even though the whole experience had them a little rattled, that night Trey and Charlotte made love.
47:31And possibly a baby.
47:33And downtown, Miranda seemingly had her communication problem licked.
47:40And she felt like she should do something in return.
47:45Would you like a massage?
47:48I would love one.
48:14I don't want to do that!
48:17Why didn't you just say you weren't interested before you were talking to me?
48:19Why didn't you just say you weren't interested before you were talking to me?
48:19That just went into my ass.
48:49This time, we didn't need any words.
49:36You want to do this to make up for the past and leave your conscience because we're okay.
49:45I've mentally kicked your butt all over Manhattan.
49:51I'm fine now.
49:53No.
49:56No, I just...
50:00I love you.
50:04I still love you. I just...
50:08I wish that I could be your girlfriend again.
50:19I need to think about that.
50:28His actions said he still loved me. Or maybe he just missed me. Or maybe he needed closure. Maybe I'd
50:35never know.
50:40The next morning, due to sheer embarrassment, Miranda got what she needed. A running buddy who pushed her into the
50:48nine-minute mile group.
50:52And I still had no response from Aiden.
51:03Hey, Carrie! You up there?
51:10Okay, let's give it a shot.
51:12Really?
51:14Do you want to come upstairs?
51:16No, I promised Pete I'd take him for a walk.
51:18Oh.
51:19You want to go for a walk?
51:21Yeah.
51:23Yeah, let's go for a walk.
51:26Don't move.
51:27Okay?
51:32I'll be right there!
51:33I'll be right there!
51:39I'll be right there!