- 2 days ago
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00:01Once Aiden and I were back together, it seemed like nothing had ever happened to break us apart.
00:07Hi, it's me. Go ahead.
00:09Hey, kid. What's shaking? I'm back to town. Call me, baby.
00:19I'm...
00:21No, no, no.
00:22It's just...
00:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24Yeah.
00:37A little machine with a big message.
00:40Okay, something happened.
00:42Something bad?
00:43Big called while Aiden and I were making love.
00:45Something bad?
00:47The machine picked up.
00:49What did you do?
00:50Nothing.
00:51We just kept making love.
00:52He could keep going after that?
00:54Honey, he's a keeper.
00:56Never mind him. How'd you do?
00:57Fine, I finished.
00:58You did?
00:58I had to.
01:00And I haven't worked that hard at anything since my SATs.
01:02This is awful.
01:03Did you talk about it?
01:04Nope.
01:05We just went to sleep.
01:07And when I woke up, Aiden was on the other side of the bed.
01:11Usually he sleeps right next to me.
01:13You know, like right here.
01:14And I just...
01:15I get in his little nook.
01:17Well, maybe he's just sleeping differently.
01:19Maybe.
01:19Or maybe he'll never forget what happened and every time the phone rings, he'll think that it's big calling to
01:25start affair number two.
01:26That's a big maybe.
01:27I was just hoping that we could just start fresh.
01:31And now I think we're gonna have to talk about it.
01:33Well, what are you gonna do?
01:34Sit Aiden down and explain about pay?
01:36Unless Hallmark makes a sorry I cheated card.
01:39No one wants to hear about their lovers past lovers.
01:41What happened was in the past, leave it there.
01:43It's on my answering machine.
01:45I have to talk about it.
01:47Here you go.
01:47This is yours.
01:49Excuse me.
01:50Can I change the subject?
01:52I'll pay you a million dollars.
01:56I'm thinking about quitting my job.
01:58Did you get an offer from a better gallery?
01:59No, I mean stopping working.
02:01All together.
02:06Really?
02:07Yeah.
02:09I've been driving myself crazy lately just trying to get everything done.
02:13And Trey suggested that...
02:14Trey suggested?
02:15Well, he mentioned that maybe I might quit.
02:19And I mean really, I have just been driving myself crazy.
02:22And for what?
02:23The gallery.
02:24What has the gallery ever done for me?
02:27Because you love your job.
02:28I know.
02:29But there's so much more I could do with my life.
02:32Like what?
02:33Well, soon I'll be pregnant.
02:34And that'll be huge.
02:36Plus I'm redecorating the apartment.
02:38And I always wanted to take one of those Indian cooking classes.
02:41And sometimes I'll walk by one of those Color Me Mine pottery places.
02:45And I'll see a woman having just a lovely afternoon glazing a bowl.
02:49That'd be a nice change.
02:50And I wanted to volunteer at Trey's Hospital.
02:53And help raise money for the new pediatric AIDS wing.
02:56Well, the cooking and the AIDS stuff is great.
02:59But color me mine, sweetie.
03:01If I was walking by and I saw you in there, I'd just keep on walking.
03:08Anyway, that's what I'm thinking.
03:11You sure you're not just having a bad work week?
03:14No, that's not it.
03:16I'm quitting.
03:16That's what I want to do.
03:17Yep.
03:18I'm quitting.
03:20Well, be damn sure before you get off the Ferris wheel.
03:22Because the women waiting to get on are 22 perky and ruthless.
03:28You seem to have a lot of opinions today.
03:31I'm telling you.
03:33Just forget it ever happened.
03:39Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies.
03:44Two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together like chocolate and peanut butter.
03:48Think how much easier it would all be if there was some swift surgical procedure to whisk away all the
03:55ugly memories and mistakes and leave only the fun trips and special holidays.
04:00But until that day arrives, what to do?
04:03Rely on the same old needlepoint philosophy of forgive and forget?
04:06And even if a couple can manage the forgiveness, has any ever really conquered the forgetness?
04:13Can you ever really forgive if you can't forget?
04:19To Samantha Jones, some things were unforgivable.
04:24And taking someone else's cab was right at the top of her list.
04:28I was here first!
04:29Sorry!
04:40I don't think so.
04:41Get out!
04:43I'm not getting out.
04:45West 12th and 9th Avenue, please.
04:47I hope you enjoy the ride.
04:50He did.
04:57And in a far less friendly bed uptown, I was even farther from the nook.
05:06Yet I still wasn't sure. Maybe I was overreacting.
05:128.10?
05:13I gotta get to the gym.
05:15I have to go to the gym right now.
05:17Do you want me to get all soft again?
05:18I liked you all soft.
05:20Hmm. I didn't.
05:23Hey.
05:25Give me a good morning kiss.
05:28You might want to brush your teeth first.
05:33Well, that settled it. He wasn't forgiving or forgetting.
05:37And speaking of not forgetting...
05:42Hello?
05:43You were so judgmental at the coffee shop yesterday.
05:47Excuse me?
05:48You think I'm one of those women.
05:49What?
05:50One of what women?
05:51One of those women we hate who just works until she gets married.
05:54Charlotte, it's 8.15.
05:57That's not a response.
05:58It's an 8.15 in the morning response.
06:01The women's movement is supposed to be about choice.
06:05And if I choose to quit my job, that is my choice.
06:08The women's movement? Jesus Christ, I haven't even had coffee yet.
06:11It's my life and my choice.
06:14Okay, Charlotte.
06:15This isn't about me.
06:17This is your stuff.
06:18Admit it.
06:19You're being very judgmental.
06:21I'm dripping all over my bathroom and you're calling me judgmental.
06:24And if you have a problem with quitting your job, maybe you should take it up with your husband.
06:28See?
06:29There it is.
06:30Your husband.
06:31There's nothing wrong with having a husband.
06:33Charlotte, I'm hanging up.
06:35Don't you dare hang up and then stop saying Charlotte like that.
06:39I am quitting my job to make my life better and do something worthwhile like have a baby and cure
06:45AIDS.
06:45Oh!
06:47You're gonna cure AIDS?
06:48Good for you, Charlotte.
06:50Just don't be too disappointed if all you wind up with is a pretty ceramic mug with Trey's name on
06:54it.
06:55Take that back.
06:56I'm hanging up.
06:57Don't you dare hang up.
06:58I'm interviewing girls to replace me and I really need you to get behind my choice.
07:01You get behind your choice.
07:03I am behind my choice.
07:05I choose my choice.
07:06Charlotte, I don't have time for this.
07:08I have to go to work.
07:09Some of us still have to go to work.
07:11I choose my choice.
07:12I choose my choice.
07:17Ow!
07:18Fuck!
07:20Ow!
07:21Jesus!
07:22When in a hostile situation, some women, like Charlotte, confront it head-on.
07:27While others...
07:32Fresh juice.
07:34Where'd you get that?
07:35I ran down to the Korean.
07:37Dressed like that?
07:39Mm-hmm.
07:39It caused quite the stir.
07:43Hey.
07:44Will you help me patch up, buddy?
07:46I got a big tense meeting with my editor in about an hour.
07:50It's feeling like a two patch day.
07:55Notice how much better I'm doing this time?
07:58No cheating.
08:00I think I finally kicked that bad habit.
08:04Now I'm practically perfect, don't you think?
08:07Ow!
08:08Ow!
08:10Well, that kind of hurt.
08:12What was that?
08:13Well, I was just making sure it was on good and tight.
08:25Are you mad at me or something?
08:27Why would I be mad at you?
08:29Excuse me.
08:36About the other night.
08:37What the fuck?
08:40This goddamn milk is bad.
08:42You just fucking let it sit in there?
08:49Look.
08:50It's not you.
08:51I'm just a little pissed off because of work.
08:53I gotta strip these pieces all weekend.
08:55The chemicals are toxic.
08:56I can't get anybody to watch Pete.
08:58I'll watch Pete.
08:59Come on.
08:59Dog walking's not your favorite thing to do, Carrie.
09:03Hey.
09:07You love Pete.
09:08I love Pete.
09:10That's just the kind of girlfriend I am.
09:17How about I take my tall drink of water out to dinner tonight?
09:21Someplace super nice.
09:23Where the milk is fresh.
09:25I was gonna hook up with some of my buddies over at Steve's bar.
09:28Well, is it a night with the guys or can girlfriends crash?
09:31You can come.
09:32Don't come.
09:34Whatever.
09:35Do what you like.
09:36No, you go have fun with the guys.
09:42Hello?
09:43My neck is out.
09:45Charlotte called and I was drying my hair.
09:48My whole body is fucked up because of the marathon.
09:51Well, I'm sorry.
09:52Can I do something?
09:53I don't know.
09:54It hurts to even hold the phone.
09:56Come over.
09:58Okay, I have a...
09:59Thanks!
10:02Fuck.
10:04Shit.
10:06Miranda's neck is out.
10:07She can't move and I'm just...
10:08I'm worried that it's too late for me to cancel my meeting.
10:12I'll go check on Miranda for you.
10:15You would?
10:16Sure.
10:19You are a great, great boyfriend.
10:22You know that?
10:25I mean it.
10:26You're the best.
10:32Where's your keys?
10:3320 minutes later, Miranda's neck had gone from bad to worse.
10:41Carrie?
10:44Carrie?
10:45No, it's Aiden.
10:46Carrie sent me.
10:48No.
10:49Ah.
10:50Uh, no.
10:51Don't come in.
10:52I'm naked.
10:53What?
10:54Oh, Jesus.
10:58My neck pulled again and this is the only way I felt comfortable.
11:01I'll...
11:01I'll...
11:02I'll get up.
11:03Ow!
11:04Okay, don't get up.
11:05I'm coming in.
11:06No!
11:06Don't come in.
11:07I'm fine.
11:09Ow!
11:12I can't get up.
11:13Okay.
11:13I'm coming in.
11:14Oh, God.
11:17I am mortified.
11:19Just relax, darling.
11:20I'm looking the other way.
11:23I'm gonna lift you up.
11:24No.
11:25You'll see everything.
11:26Nothing I haven't seen before.
11:27Okay.
11:29Hey, nice smell.
11:29That's the, uh, the April Fresh stuff, right?
11:31Yeah.
11:32Okay.
11:33Alright.
11:34You ready to be lifted?
11:36Okay.
11:36Okay.
11:37Here we go.
11:41Alright, put your...
11:42There you go.
11:44Alright.
11:46Let's get you up now.
11:47On three.
11:48One, two, three.
11:51Okay.
11:51Okay.
11:51How you doing?
11:52Okay.
11:53Alright.
11:56Alright.
11:58Snack as a bug in a rug.
12:00Samantha was right.
12:01It seemed every aspiring gallerina in New York wanted Charlotte's job.
12:06She was determined to find the perfect replacement.
12:10Someone bright, someone smart, someone like Charlotte.
12:17B.A. in art history, minor in finance, same as me.
12:22Career objectives, to own my own gallery.
12:24Oh, my God.
12:25That is amazing.
12:26I think I had the same objective on my first resume.
12:29Did you ever own one?
12:31No, I...
12:33I found I loved it here so much that it felt like my gallery.
12:37You've done an amazing job.
12:39It's my favorite space.
12:43I probably shouldn't tell you this with a line of people out there, but...
12:47You're hired.
12:48I am?
12:54So, do you have any questions?
12:56Just one.
12:58Why are you leaving this fantastic job?
13:00Well, I'm married and...
13:02We're planning on a baby.
13:08Also, I'm on the board of the Lenox Hill Pediatric Age Foundation.
13:14Charlotte heard herself lie.
13:15She just couldn't bring herself to tell the girl that her new resume objective would read,
13:20Wife, Mother, and Part-Time Bull Glazer.
13:25That night, I decided to interrupt Guy's night to give Aiden a quick thank you for helping Miranda kiss.
13:39You're my hero.
13:41What's the pussycat?
13:43Not only are you great to me, but you're great to my friends as well.
13:51Who's a better boyfriend than you?
13:55I'm back.
13:56Where were we?
13:57I was up to three peanuts.
13:59Oh, you think you're such hot stuff, huh?
14:01Oh, yeah.
14:02Peanuts?
14:03Yeah, Shana here is teaching me how to play jacks with the peanuts.
14:06And now I'm at Three-Z's.
14:11Hi, I'm Carrie.
14:13Oh, Carrie.
14:15Hi.
14:15I'm sorry.
14:16That's, uh, that's Shana.
14:18Hi.
14:18Can I get you a drink, or...?
14:20No, no, thanks.
14:21I'm not staying.
14:22I don't want to interrupt the night with the guys.
14:26So, where are the guys?
14:28Oh, man, the guys blew me off at the last minute, so I came down here to hang out with
14:31my buddy, Steve.
14:33Oh.
14:36And Steve...
14:36I'm sorry.
14:39Where's Steve?
14:41It's kind of slow, so Steve went to the burrito.
14:43Shana and I are looking out for the joint.
14:45All right.
14:46I'm up.
14:48Two-Z's.
14:49Two-Z's!
14:49Look out!
14:52That was good.
14:53That was very good.
14:55So, Miranda says that you were amazing.
14:59He helped my girlfriend today. He took her to the chiropractor.
15:02You got us a nice guy here.
15:04Oh, shucks, man.
15:06Mm-hmm.
15:06So, how was Miranda?
15:08Uh, no work, or running for a week, and, uh, she has to wear one of those foam collars.
15:17Horses!
15:18Yeah!
15:21Okay, well, I'm gonna go.
15:23What? Yeah?
15:24Yeah.
15:25Can you excuse us for a second?
15:27Sure.
15:30What is going on?
15:32What's up?
15:33You tell me.
15:37Okay.
15:39You do your thing.
15:41Listen, I don't have to work tomorrow, so...
15:43Come on over if you want.
15:45Oh, come on.
15:47Good luck with forces.
15:50It's nice to meet you, Shana.
15:52Oh, yeah.
15:54I'll see you later.
15:58Let's go.
15:59Okay.
15:59Hey.
16:01Why'd you learn, young bud?
16:11But Aiden never showed up.
16:16And at about 3 a.m., it became very clear that I was being punished for my big mistake.
16:40That cow neck look is on the way out. You heard it here first.
16:45Ow.
16:46How are you, sweetie?
16:47I had to sleep sitting up like the elephant man.
16:50I brought you a bag, I used to tear you up.
16:52Wow, that's so nice of you.
16:59Aiden never came over last night.
17:01He said he would, but he didn't, and I called him this morning.
17:04He said that he thought that come over meant today, not last night.
17:10You know what?
17:11This is bullshit.
17:12Yeah, that's what I think.
17:13No, you.
17:14You are bullshit.
17:16You and your bullshit cheer me up bagels.
17:18They're just a decoy so you can talk about Aiden.
17:20Look, you didn't even bring cream cheese.
17:24I got the good bagels.
17:26It's bad enough you send your boyfriend to help me when I call you, but now the bullshit bagels.
17:31So what are you saying?
17:32You don't want one?
17:33If you fell or something, I would never send my boyfriend to help you.
17:37And yes, I know, I don't have a boyfriend.
17:39What's the problem?
17:41Aiden's better in a crisis than I am.
17:43I can't even remember your cream cheese.
17:46He saw me naked.
17:47Your boyfriend saw me naked on the floor lying on a bath mat.
17:52Did he tell you that?
17:53No, he's a gentleman.
17:54Well, he did.
17:58All right, I get it.
17:59I'm sorry.
17:59I will never send a boyfriend to do my job again.
18:04Okay.
18:07You want it toasted?
18:09Okay.
18:14If I still even have a boyfriend,
18:17he's having an affair with a waitress at Scout.
18:21Just because you cheated on him does not mean he would cheat on you.
18:25I'm gonna burn your bagel.
18:26Don't.
18:26Well, if he hasn't, it's just a matter of time.
18:28He's not having an affair.
18:30Aiden isn't like that.
18:31He's a good guy.
18:32Yeah.
18:33He's the good guy and I'm the bad guy.
18:35And the bad guy just has to take it, right?
18:37I mean...
18:39You should have seen the way he was acting in front of me.
18:41He's torturing me because of what I did to him.
18:44And...
18:45And I deserve it.
18:47I deserve it.
18:48I deserve it, right?
18:49I'd shrug, but it hurts.
18:52Got any jelly?
18:55Wish I knew the name of that cab driver.
18:57I'd send him a bottle of wine or something.
19:00That was really great.
19:02You're a wild man.
19:04Yeah.
19:05Hey, um...
19:06Speaking of wild...
19:07It's getting a little too wild down there.
19:09Might be time for a wax.
19:12See you soon.
19:17It's my week between waxes, I have three errant hairs, and this asshole thinks I'm George
19:21of the jungle.
19:22That's horrifying.
19:23And you should see the bush on him.
19:24I need a weed whacker just to find his dick.
19:26Could you please keep it down?
19:28We're on the Upper East Side.
19:30Oh, man.
19:31We have to run to Helga the hot waxer every other week, but them?
19:34How would they like it if we told them to shape their heads, trim their trunk, plant their bulbs?
19:39I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?
19:41And don't get me started on his back hair.
19:43Okay, please.
19:44Hey, wait a second.
19:44Pete has to go.
19:45Come here, sweetie.
19:46This is lovely.
19:48Why are you even walking this mongrel?
19:50Because I'm proving to my boyfriend that I am trustworthy and loving, and kindly do not
19:55take your anger out on Pete.
19:56So watching his dog take a dump is going to make the memory of Big fade away?
20:01Couldn't hurt.
20:02Oh, come on.
20:02The dog?
20:03The waitress?
20:04I don't know that anything happened with the waitress.
20:07How much longer are you going to punish yourself?
20:09Until I'm back in the nook.
20:10You may never get back in the nook.
20:13Don't say that.
20:15I know it's true, but don't say it.
20:18Well, I'm not a dog expert, but is that normal?
20:22Oh, no.
20:23Oh, he's got the runs.
20:25Oh, poor Pete.
20:26Poor me.
20:27Oh, dude.
20:28Oh, he must be sick or something.
20:32Honey, I love you, but this is not my scene.
20:34I'll call you.
20:34What?
20:35You're not going to just leave me here.
20:37Bye-bye.
20:38Oh, wait.
20:38No, no, no, no.
20:39Sweeties, sweeties.
20:40Don't walk here.
20:41You're not done yet, honey.
20:42Pick up after your dog.
20:44He's not my dog.
20:48It was right about then I wondered just how much shit was I willing to put up with for
20:52my mistake.
20:53Oh, shit.
20:57Poor Pete's poo-poo platter continued for so many blocks I got worried and decided it was
21:01time to take him home.
21:04So, I said, what?
21:06Oh, no.
21:07Um, there's a big giant...
21:09Here, your dog got sick.
21:11I'm leaving.
21:11Hey, taxi!
21:12Hey!
21:12Hey, let me hold this.
21:14Carrie!
21:15Carrie, stop!
21:18What are you doing?
21:19Toxic chemicals?
21:21I'm taking a break.
21:22Oh, and she just happened to be there with coffee.
21:26I diapered your dog!
21:28Keep your voice down.
21:30What are you doing?
21:32Nothing.
21:33It's my friend.
21:34We're friends.
21:35Well, why don't you just fuck her?
21:36Then we can both be bad.
21:49Nothing happened.
21:53I thought about it.
21:56Do you want to come in?
21:57I'm too pissed to come in.
22:01I hate that he calls here.
22:04Nothing's happening.
22:06Or will ever happen.
22:09You have to know that, right?
22:12I would never do that to you again.
22:17Never.
22:19I don't want you to see him ever again.
22:22You can't do that.
22:25He's in my life.
22:28It's not the same way you are, but he is.
22:33Aiden, you can't keep punishing me.
22:37And I can't keep punishing me.
22:40I made a mistake and...
22:43I am sorry.
22:45And I know that you can't forget what happened.
22:49But I hope that you can forgive me.
22:53You have to forgive me.
22:57You have to forgive me.
23:00You have to forgive me.
23:04You have to forgive me.
23:06You have to forgive me, Aiden.
23:07You have to forgive me.
23:10You have to forgive me.
23:13You have to forgive me.
23:26You have to forgive me.
23:29If you were in Aruba, the natives could bead your back.
23:33And it's not just there.
23:35Every time I blow you, I feel like I'm flossing.
23:39I'm sorry, baby.
23:42Is there anything I can do to make you forgive me?
23:51Samantha forgave.
23:52And Brad got a lesson he never forgot.
23:55Wow. Look how much bigger my dick looks.
23:58Shh.
24:00And soon Charlotte's last day came.
24:02Oh, number seven should go on the north wall.
24:04I think it would be better on the south side.
24:06You're 22. What do you know about life?
24:09I mean, Art, I'm sorry.
24:11I'm just...
24:14I'm freaked out.
24:16I've been working my whole life. This is a big transition.
24:20Well, if it's any consolation, my mother worked all the time.
24:24It would have been nice to have her home more.
24:31Oh, don't forget to set the alarms.
24:33You're not going to finish the day?
24:36I think I'm done.
24:39Good luck.
24:46Charlotte left her past to pursue her new life objectives.
24:51Be a good mother.
24:53Cure AIDS.
24:55And prove Miranda wrong.
25:01You better move my meetings till the end of the week. I'm not quite 100%.
25:05Yeah.
25:07Still wearing the brace.
25:09Okay.
25:11Bye.
25:13And for the first time in her life, Miranda learned the joys of cooking and of not working.
25:21Of course, she'd have to go back eventually, just to prove Charlotte wrong.
25:25So I'm going to stop the machine, lift it up, and we'll add the flour for it.
25:30And as for Aiden, he and I weren't quite back to where we were.
25:34We might never be there again, but we were in a new place, a more honest place.
25:43And somehow, over time, I had made my way back into the nut.
25:53One frazzled Friday, four overbooked girlfriends came from four different directions.
25:59The east side, the west side, Park Avenue, and Samantha.
26:08It was the ultimate New York power lunch, also known as the power catch-up.
26:12Um, I'll start.
26:13I can sum up my life in one breath.
26:15Work, work, au bon pain, work.
26:17And you?
26:18Uh, oh, okay, let's see.
26:20I've Aiden, Aiden.
26:22Miss Pimple, Aiden.
26:23See, maybe we don't need an hour.
26:24Charlotte, I cannot believe you made the sandwich.
26:27I love you not working.
26:28You can be my wife.
26:29You know, I thought I'd have more free time, but redecorating is very stressful.
26:32Do you know there are over 40 different kinds of dimmers?
26:35Hey, I remember back when the economy was good and we had a table.
26:39Um, Harry?
26:40Yeah?
26:41Are you a janitor now?
26:44I know, it's ridiculous.
26:45I need these seven just to get in Aiden's building.
26:48Aiden gave you his keys?
26:49Yeah, but I always make him come to my place.
26:51He buys that two-in-one shampoo.
26:53Wait a minute, does Aiden have your keys now, too?
26:55Yes, he does.
26:56All two of them.
26:57You exchanged keys?
26:58That's big.
26:59Oh, no, no, no.
27:00That's the opposite of big.
27:01Good for you.
27:02It took me six months to give my cleaning lady a key.
27:05Well, I happen to have the key to a lasting relationship right here.
27:10A thousand and one sexual positions?
27:12I got it on the corner from a guy, $1.50.
27:14I love this city.
27:16Whoa, Nellie.
27:16Whose leg's been back that far?
27:18It was like sex for the boneless.
27:20See, that's what I love about this guy, Nick, I'm seeing.
27:23He's deboned?
27:24He's the wrestling coach at NYU, and he's like an extra-strength rubber band.
27:29Congregants, please refer to position 91 in your prayer book.
27:34And let us say, amen.
27:40That night, I came home to find Aiden in the most shocking position of all.
27:45Cookin' to the oldies.
27:46You're deflowering my pristine kitchen.
27:51Oh, my feet on you.
27:53Oh, Carrie, meet my new George Foreman lean, mean, fat-reducing, grillin' machine.
27:59George, Carrie.
28:00Charmed, I'm sure.
28:06What you doing back there, Lady Bird?
28:08I'm just looking for something.
28:10I'm trying to do it.
28:13Leap George out of it.
28:15Okay, that's it.
28:16You're going down!
28:21Hey, what about the fajitas?
28:24Fuck the fajitas.
28:26If giving a man the keys to your apartment means unlocking the door to home cooking and great sex,
28:33why were so many independent...
28:34No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
28:36It's not done yet.
28:37Don't read it.
28:38Uh-huh.
28:44Oh, my God.
28:46Oh, my God.
28:49Come, come back.
28:53What is this?
28:54Why is this happening?
28:55What's up?
28:55My computer just crashed right in the middle.
28:57I just, I...
28:59Okay, just relax, darling.
29:01Breathe.
29:02And reboot.
29:07hey it always works on my computer well let's uh get your manual out i don't i don't have a
29:14manual i i got rid of it in a feng shui attack oh my god i want to kill myself
29:19just hang in there
29:20sugar this thing's just faking you out that's all i don't please please just stop stop touching it
29:26stop stop it because you don't know what you're doing just stop
29:32two meltdowns later we rushed my 98 laptop in my 99 pashmina to tech serve can you please not
29:38do that
29:4264 oh god come on number 64 hi ah thank god please please tell me remedies on this thing but
29:51you know
29:52you can fix it whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa one at a time which one of you crashed me me
29:57i did it's
29:58mine it's mine but then he did something to him tell him tell him what you did to it i
30:02hit the
30:03control out delete that only works on pcs your pc user yeah you're not compatible
30:10okay tell me exactly what happened right before you crashed um okay i was you know i was just typing
30:16and then he came over and he kissed me and then then i i got the bomb not the bomb
30:22you know not
30:22the good kind of this is funny do you think that this is funny no just trying to you know
30:27you are
30:29mortifying me when was the last time you backed up your work um i don't do that you don't back
30:37up
30:39no anything else before we go in yes there was a mean little man who popped up and he had
30:45x's
30:46where his eyes should be and his tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth he didn't have a
30:51tongue
30:51he had a tongue that's a sad mac you sad mac you should have told me that before oh my
30:57god why
30:57why what does that mean could be your motherboard that's the guts of your computer
31:01could be bad ram we'll keep it here for a couple of days run some tests i'm dimitri i'll call
31:07you
31:07if we find anything if 78 number 78 83 god miranda i'm freaking out what if everything i've ever
31:16written is gone when was the last time you backed up you know no one talks about backing up you've
31:22never used that expression with me before ever but apparently everybody's secretly running home at
31:27night and backing up their work where are you i'm at the hospital in philadelphia my mom had a
31:36heart attack oh my god and you let me go on and on about my stupid computer well that's very
31:41upsetting
31:42i've been through that sweetie is she okay how could you go to philadelphia without telling me i had
31:46about six minutes to make the train and i didn't know how bad it was till i got here well
31:50how bad is
31:51it they keep telling us different things she's pretty out of it although she did open her eyes
31:56just long enough to veto my lipstick is there anything i can do to help it i get i'll jump
32:01on
32:01a train i'll i'll come down there and keep you company no no no it's fine i'm fine miranda the
32:07doctor is waiting you can't use a cell phone in the hospital she called me great now my sister's
32:15mad at me i gotta go you'll keep me posted all right okay bye meanwhile charlotte's afternoon was
32:22filled with ovulating and decorating she was 12 days into her cycle and three rooms
32:42samantha called in a bona fide positions expert who came fully equipped
33:00turns out a half nelson was very much like position four eleven
33:09one half nelson one full orgasm
33:19hello hey it's me i'm sorry to wake you oh that's okay
33:24my mom died oh my god yeah she was stable last night and we all went home
33:33and then they called and said she was crashing and by the time we got back she had died
33:38oh i'm so sorry i just wish we hadn't gone home you know nobody wanted to but they kept telling
33:49us
33:49we ought to get some sleep i'm sure that she knew on some level that that that you were with
33:53her
33:54but i wasn't with her nobody was what can i do nothing i'm i'm i'm fine i'll be fine
34:06the funeral's on tuesday and i don't have anything to wear because i didn't think i would be going to
34:11a
34:11funeral while i was here well i'll be there so i can i'll just i'll bring you something from your
34:16apartment no no don't bother i'm just gonna go out and buy a shitty black dress i'll never wear again
34:23are you sure i'd be happy to do it no don't don't do anything
34:30i better go randa i'm so sorry yeah thanks i gotta go
34:41randa's mother died
34:51come here are you okay
34:53you know when the funeral is i'd like to go if i can
34:59um
35:02i don't know
35:06you don't have to i don't really know
35:17where have you been and where's miranda i'm starving
35:21what's wrong
35:26miranda's in philadelphia her mother had a heart attack yesterday
35:29and she died early this morning she wasn't even sick
35:37oh i can't believe it or miranda how is she
35:43i don't know
35:46she's not good
35:49my friend just felt so awful for her and i just
35:53you know i didn't i didn't know what to say to her and
35:58you know miranda she was trying to be so strong but she just
36:01she sounded so alone and i just kept saying all the wrong things i think no
36:05no i'm sure you didn't oh thanks i'm sorry well
36:11i guess the first thing we should do is send some flowers right
36:15or a fruit basket or or muffins what do you think
36:21hey you all right what
36:25i'm fine flowers are fine just tell me who to send the check to
36:31i'm just hungry
36:34after breakfast charlotte showed her support for miranda by becoming the martha stewart of death
36:39no i want the clear cellophane and a navy ribbon
36:43samantha have you called miranda yet because i just spoke to her and she thinks that it would be
36:46faster for us to take the train to philadelphia and i agree we're going to the funeral i thought we
36:52were just sending flowers of course we're going to the funeral and you should call her i think
36:57she would really like to hear from you what am i going to say to her you could say i'm
37:02so sorry
37:03for your loss i love you i'm here for you that's enough ribbon you're in my thoughts may she rest
37:09in peace i'm so sorry you're fine fine i'll call her goodbye in times of sorrow some people have
37:16trouble reaching out samantha wasn't one of those people
37:25want to wrestle
37:30keep doing that keep doing that keep doing that but today something was just out of reach
37:40so they tried another position 299. i'm almost there
37:47just hang on one more second just one more second one more second hang on hang in there
37:53keep hanging on stay with me see just like that just like that just like that
38:00get them off me get them off me you're distracting me
38:06and when none of those worked they went back to old faithful number 17. okay now that's it now we
38:14got it here we go home free just keep doing exactly what you're doing exactly what you're doing
38:23exactly what you're doing don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop i'm gonna pick up
38:33my stuff with the cleaners by fine okay stop i want you to make it very clear to the philadelphia
38:40florist tasteful all white the casablanca lilies the calla lilies and the phalaenopsis i don't want
38:47any crap you told her well these flowers are going to be the centerpiece on the church altar i think
38:52it's important that they represent us don't you agree thank you samantha oh i don't know i'm not even
38:58listening i lost my orgasm in the cab what do you mean lost i mean i just spent the last
39:06two hours
39:06fucking with no finale it happens sometimes you just can't get there i can always get there
39:12every time you have sex she's exaggerating
39:17please say you're exaggerating well i'll admit i have had to polish myself off once or twice but yes
39:23when i rsvp to a party i make it my business to come see i've been a no-show on
39:28more than one occasion
39:30sex can still be great without an orgasm that is such a crock of
39:33shit she has a point what's wrong with me listen you've got plenty of orgasms under your belt you're
39:45retrace your steps look were you on top how is that relevant you mean you can have them on the
39:51bottom top bottom upside down all right now you're just showing off i'm asking for help sweetie
39:57i'm sure it will pop up when you least expect it like
40:03jury duty unless what i read this article about a woman who's having orgasms around the clock
40:12and then boom orgasm stopped for good it was like she had used them all up or something
40:22that's the meanest thing you've ever said to me
40:27meanwhile in philadelphia miranda realized she needed a shitty black bra to go with her
40:32shitty black dress can i help you find something no i'm looking for this
40:46lucille i've been a 36a my whole life i think i know what size i am didn't think so
40:54try these there is no way that i'm a 34b just try them
41:01how's it going in there fine everything's fine from the age of 14 miranda had a strict no visitors
41:07policy in the dressing room let's see how that's working out although her mother never observed it
41:12and neither did lucille um i just said that i didn't need any help well you say you don't
41:17want help but you were picking out the wrong size see now this one fits you i think that i
41:22can adjust
41:22my bra straps by myself would you please get your hands off of my breasts i'm not being fresh i
41:29think
41:29i know what's best no you don't i think that i know what's best for me suddenly miranda realized
41:37she would never have a fight with her mother again i'm sorry it's not you my mother just died and
41:46come here no i'm i'm i'm fine i i'm i'm and there behind the curtain when no one was looking
41:54miranda found a kind of support that actually fit her
42:07well this is perfect
42:11you were right
42:15thanks
42:19wait wait ah damn you're always sneaking up on me surprise
42:26it's your new computer
42:31whoa that's blue yeah and it's a lot more fun than your old one it's got this handle so it's
42:36like a
42:36little purse it's a very expensive purse when when did you get that today and i got you one of
42:45these
42:45zip drives so uh you can start backing up your work now well i don't even know how to use
42:50that and i
42:51don't need it i have a i have my own system works just fine oh yeah right you sure about
42:56that yeah
42:58i am i'm not ready for a new computer i'm still waiting to hear back about my old one my
43:03my whole
43:04life was on that computer i get it uh it's all you uh i'm not a part of any of
43:12this you don't want the
43:13laptop you don't want me to go to the funeral i feel like a fucking i gave you my keys
43:17what more do you
43:18want your keys oh great so now i can uh get into your front door how do i get into
43:25there huh
43:29i'm sorry but i've been taking care of myself for a really long time
43:34you may not like it but but this is how i deal with things this is your receipt so
43:39you can do whatever you want with that computer all right meanwhile samantha was troubleshooting her
43:53own laptop she was determined to just relax unwind
44:10and let the rest of the world fall away
44:18what oh good you're there i'm picking up bagels for the train ride your sesame right oh and have
44:23you called miranda yet no i'm whole wheat and i haven't called her because i don't want to bother her
44:30charlotte i'm masturbating i told you i'd be doing that all day today
44:43by nightfall samantha called off the search party
44:55somewhere in the city of lost dreams and missing persons samantha's orgasm remained at large
45:03the next morning my own search party called with news of a breakthrough
45:07hi hi hi hi you remember me um i'm number p4 uh 3a w you have my computer yep
45:19okay
45:24and here's what we could recover from your hard drive
45:27any of that look familiar to you there it was my past it was a mess
45:33can you please tell me why this happened in the first place oh we don't know sometimes these
45:39things they just crash now we can replace your motherboard but you have to get yourself a
45:45backup system pick out a zip drive start saving next time you won't lose everything
45:52ouch you saved your warranty right
46:10hello furniture company
46:12it's me the girl who doesn't back up um this is my attempt to breathe and reboot
46:20are you smiling at all over there i'm listening okay well um i'm just on my way to philly and
46:29i just wanted to say that i'm sorry this is hard we're going to run into stuff that's hard
46:37that's why i was trying to help i know i know that but if you start helping me and then
46:44i get used
46:45to having that help yeah well no good can come of that i mean then what happens when you know
46:54you're not around one day where am i going well i don't know you could you know be out of
46:59town or
47:00be busy or things fall apart we could fall apart i know that well then what then i guess we'd
47:10be
47:10a couple of sad max philadelphia just a hop skip a cab a metroliner and another cab away
47:34we're at a funeral
48:01I'm so sorry.
48:06I'm so sorry.
48:12You look great.
48:15Well, she does.
48:18Who are you?
48:19I'm fine.
48:20But everybody else is very concerned about me because I'm here alone.
48:24I didn't realize I needed a date for my mother's funeral.
48:27Oh, Miranda.
48:28My sister and her husband want me to third wheel with them down the aisle.
48:32God forbid that I should walk it alone because that would be the real tragedy, right?
48:36Ignore the coffin.
48:38There's a single 35-year-old woman walking behind it.
48:41Miranda?
48:42Coming, Betsy.
48:46Wow.
48:47Well, this is hard.
48:51You look great.
48:52That was not one of the things I told you to say.
48:57Excuse me, Betsy.
48:59Hi.
49:00I'm Charlotte.
49:00We spoke on the phone.
49:02I just wanted to say again how sorry I am.
49:04And to make sure that everything worked out with the flowers.
49:07Yes.
49:09In fact, there they are now.
49:18I said tasteful.
49:22I think now we know what $500 worth of glitter looks like.
49:26Death is the eternal mystery.
49:29It defies our comprehension.
49:32There are no explanations, no answers, no magic words to soothe us.
49:39You're a spiritual leader.
49:40Can you make something up?
49:42Those flowers we're supposed to say.
49:44We're so sorry.
49:45We love you.
49:46Not...
49:46You're dead.
49:47Let's disco.
49:48...wonderful stories about her.
49:50From her daughter, Betsy.
49:51And her husband, David.
49:53Her son, John.
49:55And his wife, Miranda.
49:57Her daughter, Catherine.
49:58What did he just say?
50:00No spiritual stuff and he can't keep the family tree straight?
50:04This guy's a hack.
50:06Sarah, Alexander, Nathan.
50:09And little Emily.
50:12After the burial, John and his wife, Miranda, invite you back to their home.
50:19Directions can be found as you exit the sanctuary.
50:34Finally, Samantha found the release she really needed.
50:37She cried for everything she couldn't say and for things she didn't even know she felt.
50:42She cried for everything she had.
51:07So, there's the kind of support you ask for.
51:09And a kind of support you don't want to have her.
51:11don't ask for. And then there's the kind that just shows up.
51:36After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can
51:42do is breathe and reboot. And when that fails, a little gizmo called a Zip Drive can provide
51:51a surprising amount of comfort. So can a boyfriend, if you can learn to let him.