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00:03When a marriage breaks up, there are numerous ways to cope.
00:06You can cry, you can move.
00:08Left right, not right left.
00:11Or, as Charlotte did, dive into a new routine.
00:15A tap routine.
00:16I feel good!
00:17I even signed up for sculpture and tap dancing class.
00:21Because Lord knows you can't do one without the other.
00:22And everyone keeps telling me to take time to grieve.
00:25I don't need time.
00:26This divorce is going to be clean and swift, like pulling off a band-aid.
00:29Carrie?
00:31Oh my God!
00:32I thought that was you!
00:34There it was, the unmistakable voice of Susan Sharon.
00:37So what's new? What's going on with you?
00:39Oh, you know, same old, same old, just writing, gallivanting, eating.
00:42You know, the usual.
00:43Carrie?
00:44What? Forgetting the most important things?
00:48Oh, jeez.
00:51I'm engaged!
00:52You're getting married!
00:54Yeah.
00:54Oh my God!
00:55Oh, Aiden.
00:56Oh, come on.
00:58Oh.
00:59Okay.
00:59Let me see.
01:00Let me see.
01:00Where's the...
01:01Oh, it's here.
01:02It's here.
01:03It's right here.
01:04Oh.
01:05Why are you wearing it around your neck?
01:06Is that what the people are doing these days?
01:08I'm so out of it.
01:09No, no.
01:10It's just me.
01:11It's closer to my heart this way.
01:14Oh.
01:15Oh!
01:17So.
01:18Spring wedding?
01:19Fall wedding?
01:19Where are you doing it?
01:20Um.
01:21God.
01:22We haven't even begun to think about that stuff.
01:24Oh.
01:24Well, you better chop chop, Missy.
01:26Because these places book up.
01:27I'm telling you.
01:28Years and years.
01:29Okay.
01:30Anyway.
01:31The wedding.
01:32The next morning, a hotel mogul and his publicist began another grueling day at work.
01:39Can I help you?
01:40You're gorgeous.
01:41Tell me something I don't know.
01:42As intimate as their personal affair had become, when it came to their business affairs,
01:47Samantha remained cool and professional.
01:54In theory.
01:56J.J. Mitchell.
01:58J.J.
01:58Samantha Jones.
01:59I have your column in my hand and I'm very disappointed.
02:02Jonesy?
02:03I thought you'd be sucking my dick for finally getting Richard Wright's name in the paper.
02:07We'll talk about your dick in a second.
02:08Richard Wright canoodling with B.B. London?
02:10That's bullshit.
02:11I happen to know he's canoodling with one woman and it's not B.B. London.
02:14Uh, okay.
02:15Guess which hot-headed publicist can't seem to keep track of her own client?
02:18Guess which two-bit gossip columnist is talking out of his ass?
02:22Hey, believe me.
02:22I'd rather be talking out of your ass, Jonesy.
02:24So just say the word.
02:27Jonesy.
02:29J.J. Mitchell's column said you were canoodling with B.B. London.
02:32He's an idiot.
02:32Just giving you a heads up.
02:34Oh, hey.
02:34All press is good press, right?
02:36So you were canoodling with B.B. London?
02:39Is that a problem?
02:41No.
02:43I just need to get all the facts so I can do my job.
02:46Why don't you take a break in your job and get that sexy ass in here?
03:00In an effort to drown out thoughts of Richard canoodling with B.B. London, Samantha focused on her own canoodling.
03:07And in a more modest shower uptown.
03:13Excuse me, have you met?
03:14Can I get in there?
03:15Yeah.
03:15You got a sheetrock guy coming.
03:16Come in there.
03:17You should really come along over there.
03:18Yeah.
03:19Walls are coming down.
03:21Washer and dryer's on the way.
03:23Oh, I forgot about the washer and dryer.
03:25I've been dreaming about my whole New York life.
03:27What?
03:28I've got something else for you to chew on.
03:29What's that?
03:30How about Hawaii?
03:31As what?
03:32The 50th state?
03:33As in we get hitched.
03:35We grab a couple friends.
03:36Down some Mai Tais.
03:37Tie the knot.
03:38You know?
03:39We could get Maui.
03:40Hey, buddy.
03:41Did you just turn in the nude?
03:43Yes.
03:43What did I tell you about that?
03:46Give me the soap.
03:47What do you think?
03:49What about Hawaii?
03:50Yeah.
03:52What?
03:52I look like the, uh, hang-tan, curse-up kind of bride to you?
03:56Because I really think my grassroots days are over.
03:59Okay.
04:00How about I ask them?
04:01Christmas time and ask them.
04:03You, me, a polar bear, a judge?
04:06How does that sound?
04:07What?
04:08What?
04:08Before a shower with so little water pressure, I suddenly felt a ton of it beating down on
04:13my shoulders.
04:16And here's the spine.
04:18Right here.
04:19Isn't that incredible?
04:21Oh!
04:21Here's the heart beating.
04:24See?
04:25Kind of.
04:27I think so.
04:29Okay.
04:30Do you want to know the sex?
04:31I can tell you right now if you do.
04:34Um, okay.
04:35Sure?
04:39Ah!
04:39It's a boy!
04:42It's a boy!
04:44It's a boy!
04:44How do you feel?
04:49Wow!
04:49Great!
04:50Ah!
04:51Boy!
04:52Boy, oh boy!
04:55I just faked a sonogram.
04:57I'm sorry?
04:59I was lying there.
05:00The technician's giving me a guided tour of my uterus.
05:03Wow.
05:03Then she tells me I'm having a boy.
05:05Oh my God!
05:07Miranda!
05:08I'm having a boy!
05:09You see?
05:10That.
05:10That's what this woman wanted out of me, but I couldn't get it up for her, so I faked
05:14it.
05:15What exactly does a fake sonogram look like, in case I ever need to do it?
05:19Oh!
05:21Everyone else is glowing about my pregnancy.
05:23When will I?
05:24Yeah, I get the same thing every time someone hears I'm engaged.
05:28You know, I'm supposed to get all excited about picking a date and a place and a theme,
05:32and I just want to lie down and take a big nap.
05:34I feel like a deadbeat bride.
05:36So don't do all that stupid stuff.
05:38Fuck them.
05:38Well, I better do something soon, because I am getting the distinct feeling my grace
05:42period is O-V-E-R.
05:45I don't even want to look for a dress.
05:47Me!
05:47No dress!
05:48What's wrong here?
05:49Maybe it's like the dentist.
05:51You put it off, and put it off, and then you finally go, and afterwards you feel great.
05:56Oh my God, I have to go to the dentist.
05:59Okay, wait.
06:00I'm having a radical idea here.
06:02There's a horrible bridal shop a couple of blocks away.
06:05We could go.
06:06How do you even know this?
06:08Because every time I pass by it, I go blech.
06:10We could run in.
06:11You could try on the worst dress they have.
06:13Just face the dragon, get it over with, and then I'll treat you to a tasty light.
06:17It's like the aversion shock therapy.
06:19You want me to try on a bad wedding dress?
06:21You're going to have to do a lot better than a tasty delight.
06:25I'll try one on, too.
06:26Woo!
06:29Hi.
06:30Hello.
06:31Ladies.
06:32My friend Miranda here is getting married, so we're looking for something special, and
06:37we're in kind of a hurry.
06:39And for Carrie here, we were thinking of something with a lot of bows, very frilly and poofy.
06:46We want her to look like a giant cupcake.
06:47I'm sorry.
06:49Which one of you is getting married?
06:50Oh, we both are.
06:52We do everything together, and right now Miranda has everything but the gown and the groom.
06:56Whoops.
06:57Okay.
06:58Is this a lesbian wedding?
07:00Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
07:01It's a very straight-laced, conservative crowd.
07:03A lot of Wall Street types.
07:06I'll see what I can find.
07:07Come with me.
07:07Okay.
07:08You're rehearsing them.
07:09It's going to rock.
07:10Okay.
07:11On the count of three.
07:13One.
07:15Two.
07:17Ahhhh!
07:26Stop.
07:26I'm going to pee in this thing.
07:28Look at you.
07:29Look at yourself.
07:30Hold still.
07:31You need a veil.
07:31You need a veil.
07:34Look, look, look, look.
07:35Look!
07:37Oh, I look beautiful.
07:40You can't even tell that I'm pregnant in this.
07:42The sleeves help balance out the tummy.
07:43Don't you think it's kind of fetching?
07:45Don't you find?
07:45Oh, my God.
07:46This is too tight.
07:47I can't breathe.
07:48Can you get it off me?
07:49Are you kidding?
07:50No, I'm not kidding.
07:51Um.
07:52Shh.
07:52You don't want the woman to come back in here.
07:54I'm not kidding.
07:55Get it off.
07:55I'm burning up.
07:56I can't breathe.
07:56I'm sorry.
07:57Oh, my God.
07:59A million buttons back here.
08:01Oh, my God.
08:02Your back is all wet.
08:02Just get it off.
08:03Just rip.
08:04Just rip it off.
08:12Oh, my God.
08:14What just happened?
08:16I can't do it.
08:17I can't get married.
08:18This is all your fault.
08:20How could you take her to that dump?
08:22It was an experiment.
08:23It went awry.
08:24Okay.
08:25Let's just slow down.
08:27This is classic cold feet.
08:28Let's not do anything rash.
08:29Rash.
08:29Yes, exactly.
08:30Rash.
08:30Look at this.
08:31Oh.
08:32My body is literally rejecting the idea of marriage.
08:35Just look.
08:35Yeah, once you get a rash from a guy, it's time to heap home.
08:38No, it's not him.
08:39It's me.
08:39I'm missing the bride gene.
08:41I should be put in a test tube and studied.
08:43It's not just you.
08:44I don't want to get married.
08:45Ever?
08:47Why do we even have to get married?
08:48Why?
08:49Give me one good reason.
08:50Aside from the not wanting to die alone thing.
08:54Which is something to think about, I admit.
08:56Well, for me, when it was good, it gave me a sense of security.
08:59But I feel secure now.
09:01Things are great with us.
09:03And you know what they say, if it ain't broke.
09:05Don't marry it.
09:06What are you afraid would change?
09:08I don't know.
09:09Nothing.
09:11Everything.
09:12Every bride feels that way at one point.
09:14Well, why aren't they speaking up?
09:15Carrie, I'm going to ask you an unpleasant question now.
09:18Why did you ever say yes?
09:20Because I love him.
09:22A man you love kneels in the street and offers you a ring.
09:28You say yes.
09:28That's what you do.
09:29Look, you get married, you hope for the best.
09:31It doesn't work out, you get divorced.
09:33You can take tap with Bojangles over here.
09:35No, I can't take a vow of forever and ever if what I mean is for the foreseeable future.
09:40I can't do that to Aiden.
09:41Talk to him about it.
09:43How?
09:43Why do you talk about this?
09:44You say, hey Aiden, what's up?
09:46I've just been thinking, you know, having some doubts about the whole I do thing.
09:48It'll break his heart.
09:50I should never have said yes.
09:51I'm a bad person.
09:53It's amazing.
09:54In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder.
09:56In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.
09:59Look, everyone has anxiety around weddings.
10:02Maybe your anxiety threshold is just lower than other people's.
10:05That's an interesting theory.
10:06You think that dress is still outside the dumpster at Tasty Delight?
10:11After being hit by a bridal wave, I tried to get my mind around the concept of happily ever after.
10:19As progressive as our society claims to be, there are still certain life targets we're all supposed to hit.
10:27Marriage, babies, and a home to call your own.
10:30But what if instead of breaking out in a smile, you break out in a rash?
10:33Is something wrong with the system?
10:35Or is it you?
10:36And do we really want these things?
10:38Or are we just programmed?
10:42In a crisis, people always tell you to listen to your gut.
10:46Mine was telling me to start smoking again.
10:48Hi.
10:49Uh, Barbara, our lights, please?
10:56But I decided not to throw it all away.
10:58You know what?
10:59Actually, actually, uh, just these...
11:02Later, while Aiden worked on the apartment next door, I worked on reprogramming my attitude.
11:08Could I be a spring bride?
11:13Happy bride.
11:16Peek-a-boo bride.
11:19Stop!
11:20Stop!
11:21Stop!
11:21Aiden!
11:22Stop it!
11:32I'm freaking out.
11:34I can't.
11:35I...
11:36I cannot.
11:37I...
11:37I...
11:38I...
11:38I'm having a...
11:39A very strong reaction to all this change.
11:43Okay, okay.
11:43Just...
11:43I can't.
11:44Don't freak out.
11:44I am freaking out.
11:46It all just feels really fast.
11:47The hole?
11:48I...
11:48I told you I was gonna come through there today.
11:49It's not just the hole.
11:54What?
12:01It's the marriage stuff.
12:05I love you and I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to talk to you about this.
12:11But...
12:12But I have to.
12:14Hey.
12:15Hey.
12:16Come here.
12:17Just sit down on the floor.
12:27What's happening?
12:32I didn't want to say anything.
12:35But then that thing came through my wall.
12:43I don't think that I'm ready to get married yet.
12:49Do you hate me?
12:50Oh, come on.
12:52You're catching me a little off guard here.
12:54I know.
12:55I just...
12:56No, it's...
12:57Hey.
12:58I hear you.
12:58I hear you.
13:05I need a minute here.
13:11Is it because I said we could get Maui'd?
13:16Huh?
13:20Thank you for making a joke.
13:24Let's slow it down.
13:27Okay.
13:28Okay.
13:28How much time do you need?
13:30Six months?
13:33Nine months?
13:37End of the year?
13:39Which year?
13:43So do you just need some time?
13:45Yeah.
13:47I think so.
13:49Okay.
13:51Okay.
13:52We'll get there.
13:56Thank you, Ian.
13:59Thank you for listening.
14:05Do you see the washer and dryer out there?
14:10Mm-hmm.
14:13I love you.
14:18The next day, Miranda enjoyed a few moments of solitude with her bills.
14:22And her cleaning lady.
14:23Magda?
14:24I'm gonna pay you for a whole month, okay?
14:27Oh!
14:29Look what I found on the kitchen counter.
14:31It's beautiful.
14:33Did they tell you boy or girl?
14:35Yes, it's a boy.
14:37Oh!
14:39A boy!
14:40A boy!
14:41A boy is coming into the house.
14:43A boy is highest blessing.
14:45It's good luck.
14:47Smile.
14:50Smile.
14:53Smile for a boy.
14:55A boy!
14:57A boy!
15:02Oh!
15:08And while Miranda had tea for one, Charlotte was mastering tea for two.
15:17Step, step, step for you.
15:19Step, step, step for me.
15:23And now, two by two.
15:25Go!
15:29That's fair.
15:32Nice!
15:37Very nice.
15:41You with the flowers.
15:44Go!
15:44I don't have a partner.
15:46Just go it alone.
15:48And...go!
15:49I don't want to go it alone.
15:50You'll be fine.
15:52Come on, flowers.
15:54Be it to me.
15:56I'm a beauty.
15:59I can't do this.
16:00I'm sorry.
16:01I can't.
16:01And I shouldn't have to.
16:03I deserve a real partner.
16:04And his song is abusive and hurtful.
16:06Should I stop?
16:08And you should think about how a person would feel who's going through a very difficult divorce
16:12and who just comes here to have fun and feel good about themselves.
16:21In her attempt to skip over her grief, Charlotte tapped into her pain.
16:32The next week, we all put on our finest and gathered at the black and white ball.
16:36Richard Wright's charity fundraiser.
16:41Aiden looks so handsome in a tux.
16:43Yeah.
16:44How's he doing?
16:45It's good.
16:47Good.
16:48I'm still a little thrown by the change in plans, but good.
16:52I just hope I did the right thing.
16:54You followed your feelings.
16:56That's always the right thing to do.
16:59I'm drinking seltzer.
17:00And I'm in a formal gown with an elasto waist.
17:03I really fit in here.
17:05Do you realize you're growing a teeny tiny penis inside you?
17:09That's so sci-fi.
17:11Oh, my God!
17:12Romantic!
17:12You're having a boy!
17:13Oh, are you so excited?
17:18Two glasses of French fizz here and a sooty for you.
17:22Aiden, did you know that Miranda's having a boy?
17:26I think I'm gonna hurt myself.
17:28I trust you're finding something noteworthy to put on your column, JJ.
17:32Look at you.
17:33I can think of a few other places I'd like to put my column tonight.
17:36Dream on, JJ.
17:37Alright, never hurts to ask, right?
17:39Okay, well, I'm sure you know this one, but, uh,
17:40guess which hotel king is having very private relations with a very public New York woman.
17:45Oh, I guess the can's out of the bag.
17:47Oh, it's out of the bag.
17:49Look at them together.
17:52Judith McBain, she's insatiable.
17:54Word is they've done it in every one of his hotels.
17:58Excuse me.
18:00Good chat with you, Johnsy.
18:02Samantha could handle the press, but she couldn't handle the truth.
18:05That fucking Richard is fucking the entire style section,
18:07and for the first time in my life I actually give a shit.
18:10What?
18:10I think I have monogamy.
18:12I must have caught it from you people.
18:14Now it's airborne.
18:14There are a lot of hot guys here, but I don't want to fuck a single one of them.
18:17Not him?
18:19Or him?
18:20What about this guy over here?
18:21Because he asked me if I knew you.
18:22Oh.
18:23No.
18:26I'm not interested.
18:28Well, damn it.
18:28I'm not well.
18:29Well, at least you're not getting divorced.
18:31Why don't you just tell Richard how you feel?
18:32I can't do that.
18:33What?
18:33He likes me because I'm supposed to be immune to this bullshit.
18:37Where goes that Judith Bitchy McBitch heading for Richard?
18:40Okay.
18:41I'm gonna go over there,
18:42and I'm gonna be completely calm and completely professional.
18:47Every day, millions of people suffer from monogamy.
18:50There is no known cure.
18:51Ah!
18:51Oh!
18:52I'm so sorry.
18:56Hey, gorgeous.
18:57Great turnout.
18:58This is purely professional.
19:00Exactly how many women are you fucking?
19:02It's the black and white ball, not the black and blue ball.
19:06As your publicist, I must tell you,
19:09all this canoodling and bed-hopping is tacky and immature.
19:12It makes investors nervous, and frankly...
19:13It makes you nervous, too.
19:15As your publicist?
19:16Yes, it does.
19:18So, grow up.
19:19Stop fucking other women.
19:20Just fuck me.
19:23Oh, come on.
19:24We're not the monotonous...
19:26I mean monogamous type.
19:28Well, maybe I am.
19:31Gorgeous.
19:31I'm not.
19:34Fine.
19:36Hey, Jonesy.
19:37You getting a good dish for me?
19:38In fact, she did.
19:40Samantha gave JJ an exclusive.
19:43Just to prove to herself that she was not.
19:48Shit.
19:49Shit.
19:50Just a minute.
19:51It wasn't the first time a guy went soft on Samantha, but it was the first time she didn't care.
19:56Oh, Jonesy. I can't believe this is happening. This never happens to me. I can give you a list of
20:01women who this has never happened with.
20:03That won't be necessary.
20:04No, I want to.
20:05Listen, I want you to call Anna Bonnie at 957-7297 or Lisa Yellen at 459...
20:10There you are.
20:12Listen.
20:13Maybe I was too quick back there.
20:15If there's anyone who could keep Manhattan, we're interesting.
20:18Hey, manly hour.
20:21Samantha.
20:24You'll never change.
20:26And I wouldn't want you to.
20:28Let's just keep things, Ashley.
20:29Well, this doesn't count. He couldn't even stay hard.
20:31Hey.
20:32Good seeing you, JJ.
20:37Don't say it, limp dick.
20:39Okay.
20:44That's a very good look for you.
20:47I think we both look kind of sharp tonight.
20:51You'd never look prettier, my friend.
20:55Let's get married tonight.
20:56Uh-huh.
20:58Come on, you got this beautiful white dress on.
21:00I got this tux for another 13 hours.
21:05Let's just do it.
21:06Let's get in the cab.
21:09Airport, Vegas.
21:10Huh?
21:12No muss, no fuss.
21:14Hayden.
21:15Seriously.
21:16You're funny.
21:17Come on.
21:17I mean, look.
21:20We get married tonight.
21:22We wake up tomorrow, it's done.
21:25Alright?
21:26We're still us.
21:27We don't...
21:27We don't even have to tell anybody.
21:31Well...
21:32What about what we discussed?
21:34Aw, come on. You're just scared.
21:36Yes, I'm scared.
21:39Come on, Hayden. We talked about this.
21:41No, you talked and I listened.
21:44Carrie, I looked at you tonight from across the room and...
21:47And I thought I love her.
21:50And she loves me and...
21:52What are we waiting for?
21:53Because I need more time.
21:56What's gonna change?
21:57This is me.
21:58I don't have any tricks up my sleeve.
22:00This is who I am.
22:01This isn't about you.
22:03I'm not ready for marriage.
22:06Well, I am.
22:07I'm sorry if that scares you, but I am.
22:10People...
22:11Fall in love, they get married, that's what they do.
22:14Not necessarily.
22:17I...
22:19Why...
22:20Why can't we just...
22:22Just keep things the way they are?
22:24Just live together.
22:25I want to live together...
22:27I've had girlfriends for 20 years.
22:29I want you to be my wife.
22:32Hayden, you're pushing me.
22:34Well, maybe you need to be pushed.
22:36What's the big deal?
22:36It's just a stupid piece of paper.
22:38If it's just a stupid piece of paper, then why do we need it?
22:42Because I need it!
22:44I want to make this official and lock this thing down.
22:48Carrie, I want the whole wide world to know that you're mine.
22:51Who else would I be?
22:52Who else would I be?
22:56Oh, my God.
23:00You still don't trust me.
23:02You don't even wear that ring on your fucking fingers.
23:04I am yours.
23:05There is nobody else.
23:08I love you, but I can't marry you to make you trust me.
23:12Aiden.
23:14Aiden.
23:16Look at me.
23:19Look at me before we make a huge mistake.
23:23If you don't want to marry me right now,
23:26you'll never want to marry me.
23:29That's not true.
23:31I think it is.
23:34Yeah.
23:42I'm going to sleep in the other apartment tonight.
23:45Really?
23:47Yeah, really.
23:49Just for tonight.
23:52I can't believe I'm back here again.
23:57Yeah.
24:07We had left the land of black and white, and now everything was gray.
24:12To the outside world, Miranda's maternal gene might never kick in.
24:15Huh?
24:20But that night, she felt a real kick from deep inside.
24:51That night, she felt a real kick from deep inside.
24:59There are some walls you can push through, and some you can't.
25:08That was the only night we would ever spend on the other side of the wall.
25:16The next day, Aiden moved out.
25:23A girl in pigtails once said, there's no place like home.
25:30But then her home didn't have a toilet that flushed for no reason.
25:36And a boyfriend who was moving out for one big reason.
25:45That's the last of it.
25:50Okay.
25:54You want me to fix that?
25:55No, it's okay.
25:56I can get someone to come and fix it.
26:00Just let me get in there for a sec.
26:08Hold the ball, Cok.
26:09Huh?
26:10Just stand right here.
26:11Oh.
26:11Yeah, right there.
26:14Okay.
26:18That should do it.
26:22I should go.
26:27You can't leave.
26:29Our last words to each other can't be ball cock.
26:34You should definitely stay.
26:38At least for another day.
26:40Or forever.
26:42I've been through this.
26:45I can't.
26:50Are you sure?
26:52I am.
27:01It's difficult to say.
27:05Um.
27:07I left a ring on the clown table.
27:11That's yours.
27:12No, no, no.
27:13No.
27:13I should never have accepted it in the first place.
27:15I'm sorry.
27:17Please take the ring.
27:19I want you to have that.
27:20Please.
27:21Take it.
27:22If you do or say.
27:26One more nice thing.
27:33Okay, I gotta go.
27:34Alright, I can't watch you leave, so I think I'm just gonna...
27:37I'm better just...
27:37I'm gonna stay in here.
27:39Could you just...
27:40Could you just, um, shut the door and...
27:43Carrie.
27:44I know.
27:46Go.
28:04Three hours later, I peeled myself off the bathroom floor.
28:17Apparently there were things that were difficult for ages.
28:20Aiden to say as well.
28:30I curled up to read Aiden's last words to me.
28:33Also known as the goodbye letter.
28:46Aiden's evicting her?
28:47He's not evicting her.
28:48He's giving her 30 days to decide what she wants to do.
28:51Well, that's just tacky.
28:52Look, life gets complicated.
28:54Steve and I are drawing up papers to timeshare our kid.
28:56Great love stories are supposed to end with tragedy and tears, not papers from the law firm of Golden Vogel.
29:03This is more than fair.
29:04He's asking you to buy your apartment for the exact price he paid, or you can vacate and he'll sell
29:09it.
29:09Vacate?
29:11I'm homeless.
29:12I'll be a bag lady, a Fendi bag lady, but a bag lady.
29:14Well, maybe you should think about buying your place.
29:16No, I'm not a buyer.
29:17York is a town of renters.
29:18Everybody rents.
29:19I don't.
29:20I don't.
29:20I don't.
29:21You got yours in the settlement.
29:23You did not have to pay for your apartment.
29:24Oh, I paid for that apartment.
29:29I'm pregnant.
29:30I can't control it.
29:31Well, honey, you better learn because that is unappetizing.
29:35I know.
29:35I am so swollen and gassy.
29:38I'm like a flotation device.
29:40No, I'll get this one and I don't want a fight out of you.
29:43Save it for your down payment.
29:46Oh, excuse me.
29:48You bought the Chanel wallet?
29:49Oh, no.
29:50Richard gave it to me as a gift.
29:51Nice.
29:52What was the occasion?
29:53No occasion.
29:53He is in love with you.
29:55He's not in love with me.
29:56You don't know that.
29:56Yes, I do.
29:58Take a look at the card.
30:01Style for style.
30:03Best, Richard.
30:04Best.
30:04Yikes.
30:05Best is the worst.
30:06Yeah, even Golden Vogue will give you sincerely.
30:08Best is like signing, not love.
30:10Well, it's the thought that Count, he bought you something he knew you'd love.
30:13He's a pretty generous guy, with money.
30:15Aiden wanted me to keep the ring.
30:17You did, didn't you?
30:20Oh, honey, you're a fool.
30:22No.
30:23It was the right thing to do.
30:26Did you ever think about giving yours back?
30:27No, I love that ring.
30:29Oh, I couldn't keep it.
30:31Every time I looked at it, it would break my heart.
30:37This ring is worth a lot.
30:39Tiffany, 2.17 carats platinum setting.
30:42Beautiful cut, very few inclusions.
30:44So, what do you want to do with it?
30:46I was thinking maybe I'd turn it into a necklace.
30:49A floating diamond necklace would be to die very new.
30:53So, a lot of people do this.
30:55These were my baguettes.
30:56Because it turned out my husband was a faggot, now they're earrings.
31:00But he had good taste.
31:02So, a necklace?
31:04I'm not sure.
31:05Maybe a pendant.
31:06We can melt down the platinum setting and turn it into spectacular earrings.
31:10Melt, melt, melt it down.
31:13There in the wedding band boneyard, Charlotte started to melt down.
31:17I don't think I'm ready for this.
31:19Just don't take it to the gypsies next door.
31:26Okay, let's look at your assets here at the bank.
31:30We may be able to use them as collateral for the loan.
31:33Linda, line one.
31:35Okay, it says here that you have 700 in your checking account.
31:39I just paid my credit card bill.
31:43And 957 in savings.
31:48Look, Linda, you're single, right?
31:51So, I'm sure that you can appreciate my problem.
31:54I just broke up with my fiancé, which, trust me, is traumatic enough.
31:59Linda, line two.
32:00And now, I have 25 days to either find the money to buy my place, or I am out on
32:07the street.
32:08Do you have any other income besides the column?
32:12No.
32:13But I was chosen as New York Magazine's best pick for city columnist.
32:17I was the pick over Pete Hamill.
32:19What about your assets outside the bank?
32:22Property?
32:23Stocks?
32:23Bonds?
32:24No.
32:25No, no.
32:26I'm sorry, Miss Bradshaw, but you are not a desirable candidate for a loan.
32:34Okay.
32:35Thanks, hello, and I'm good.
32:36Ugh.
32:38After assessing what little assets I had, I realized I would have to change my lifestyle.
32:44Excuse me.
32:45Can you tell me how much the bus is?
32:47$1.50.
32:48Really?
32:49Wow.
32:50Last time I took the bus, it was like 75 cents.
32:53You know, for three more bucks, you can take a cab?
33:01Why do you have to take the bus if you're on the bus?
33:06My thoughts exactly.
33:09So here I was, a 35-year-old single woman with no financial security,
33:13but many life experiences behind me.
33:16Did that mean nothing?
33:17After all, heartbreak and breakups are the hardest kind of work.
33:21So shouldn't there be some sort of credit for enduring them?
33:24And if not, how do you retain a sense of value when you have nothing concrete to show for it?
33:29Because at the end of yet another failed relationship,
33:34when all you have are war wounds and self-doubt,
33:37you have to wonder, what's it all worth?
33:42Let me just say again, I love your gallery,
33:45so if there are ever any openings, you have my resume.
33:49Meanwhile, a woman with far fewer financial worries
33:51was also contemplating her worth.
34:09Charlotte knew the ring didn't mean as much now that she was no longer with Trey.
34:13But on that particularly low Thursday,
34:17she put on her 2.17 carat diamond
34:20and wandered around her 2.17 carat Park Avenue apartment.
34:33That night at Richard's...
34:35Another gift?
34:37Are you trying to spoil me?
34:38That's the plan.
34:40Oh, the petite, you can't get my favorite.
34:42I know.
34:42Pay attention.
34:43Wait a minute.
34:44There's a card.
34:45Oh.
34:46The card.
34:50Sexy for sexy best, Richard.
34:53Why don't you slip into that while I pour on some cristal?
34:56I'll do my very best.
34:58Oh, water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.
35:04Oh, this is torture.
35:06Why are you doing this to me?
35:07I can't buy shoes.
35:08Well, I have to buy shoes.
35:10None of my old ones fit.
35:11Even my feet are fat.
35:12Well, these are pretty.
35:13I'm looking for comfortable.
35:15Then I'll try these for you.
35:16What?
35:16Excuse me?
35:17Sir, could I try these, please?
35:19And a seven and a half.
35:20Oh, and these, and I guess, well, I guess just all of these.
35:26But, sir, no matter what happens in the next 20 minutes,
35:30under no circumstances am I to buy these.
35:32I'm just trying them on for fun.
35:34Oh, fun for me.
35:37Could I try these on a nine?
35:38Sure.
35:39Thanks.
35:43What is that smell?
35:45Sorry.
35:46I've learned to control the sound now, but not the activity.
35:49Well, that's just mean.
35:51Dang.
35:53How people can notice God without a warning?
35:55Although, maybe it's not that I've controlled the noise
35:58as much as my ass is so big, the sound is now muffled.
36:02Look at my fingers.
36:03They're like sausages.
36:04I can't even get my ring off.
36:05I'm telling you, the fat ass, the farting, it's ridiculous.
36:09I am unfuckable.
36:11And I have never been so horny in my entire life.
36:14Really?
36:15Yeah.
36:15That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant,
36:18so somebody is obligated to have sex with you.
36:22I'm an undesirable.
36:24No, I am.
36:26The lady at the bank said I was an unattractive candidate for a loan.
36:30Where did all my money go?
36:31I know I made some.
36:33Uh, at 400 bucks a pop, how many of these do you have?
36:3750?
36:39Come on.
36:40100?
36:41100?
36:42Would that be wrong?
36:43100 times 400.
36:44There's your down payment.
36:45Well, that's only 4,000.
36:47No, it's 40,000.
36:49Ah!
36:51I spent 40,000 dollars on shoes and I have no place to live?
36:58I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.
37:06I pulled my own finger from a walking whoopee cushion.
37:11When a girl gets backed up against the walls she can't afford,
37:14she has to consider renting others.
37:17That's a closet?
37:19Where did the shoes go?
37:21You get one of those racks that hang on the door.
37:24I'll hang myself on the door if I have to live here.
37:30Do I smell curry?
37:33There's an Indian restaurant downstairs.
37:36Delia, I ask you, how can this apartment be $2,800 a month?
37:42I pay $7.50 for something that's twice the size and it don't smell like takeout.
37:46You have a rent-controlled apartment?
37:47I suggest you stay there.
37:49Well, unfortunately, that's really not an option.
37:54Now, what other shitholes are you showing me today?
37:57I have to be honest.
37:58With your attitude and price limitations,
38:00I think you should consider weehawking.
38:04Well, get back to me when the numbers are in.
38:08Well, look at you, all dressed up.
38:10Applying for a job here?
38:12So this is where you work.
38:14It's cute.
38:16It's smaller than I expected.
38:18I always imagine rows and rows of blondes and tight sweaters typing.
38:22Oh, they're at lunch.
38:24I am here in an official capacity.
38:27Oh.
38:28Aren't you going to ask me to sit down?
38:30By all means, pick a chair.
38:32Faced with the prospect of weehawking,
38:34I decided it was time to call in the big guns.
38:37Now, what can I do for you?
38:41I once read that you took something like $3 million
38:44and leveraged it to build a $100 million building.
38:47How did you do that?
38:49What's going on?
38:49I want to buy my apartment, but I have no money.
38:56I'm worth nothing.
38:59You're worth a million bucks, Bradshaw.
39:02Well, maybe you should go work at a bank.
39:07Aiden and I broke up.
39:12So, it's not just money troubles.
39:16Why didn't you call me?
39:17I got enough troubles.
39:21What happened?
39:23Apparently, you were right.
39:24I am not the marrying kind.
39:25Or the timing wasn't right.
39:28You're going to be okay, kid.
39:32So, I need money.
39:34You know money.
39:35I need to know what you know about money.
39:39Simple.
39:41I'll tell you how to get the money.
39:44They offered me the money for my down payment,
39:46but I could never take it.
39:51Could I?
39:52No, you couldn't.
39:53He just gave you $30,000?
39:56Well, as a loan, I would pay him back.
39:58Take the money.
39:59When a man gives you money, you give him control.
40:01It's just money.
40:03Man, woman, who cares?
40:04It's fluid.
40:05Someone needs it, you give it.
40:06You need it, you take it.
40:08I'm uncomfortable with this conversation.
40:09We shouldn't be talking about money.
40:11Why not?
40:11We talk about everything else.
40:13People are funny about money.
40:14Like Richard.
40:15He's happy to buy me gifts, but...
40:17Still no love?
40:18No.
40:19But he continues to send his best.
40:23Don't cash Biggs' check.
40:24I'll loan you the money.
40:26You're about to have a baby.
40:27I can't take your money.
40:28And furthermore, do you have that much?
40:30I have about half that.
40:32What, does no one else shoe shop?
40:34I could loan you the rest.
40:37Look, it is really, really sweet of you two to offer.
40:46It's really, really sweet, but I'm going to do this on my own.
40:54So I can't tape it back.
40:57I have news.
40:59Oh, looks like I've gotten a job as a docent at the Museum of Modern Art.
41:04Well, what does that pay?
41:05I can docent.
41:05Oh, it's a volunteer job, but they're very coveted positions.
41:10Oh.
41:11You'll come back.
41:19I have no fortune.
41:21I didn't need a cookie to tell me that.
41:25You know, these fans only cost a dollar.
41:27I'm going to save a lot of money on air conditioning.
41:36No apartment and no aid.
41:42It's been a rough two weeks.
41:48Just give me a block.
41:49I'm going to be fine.
41:59As I thought about leaving the apartment that I had lived in for the past decade,
42:03I realized how much I would miss it.
42:05Through everything, it had always been there for me.
42:08And suddenly, I was irrationally angry.
42:11And I knew just where and who to take it irrationally out on.
42:16Hi.
42:17What are you doing here?
42:18I was just in the neighborhood.
42:21Well, come on in.
42:23You want some iced tea or something?
42:25Why didn't you offer me the money?
42:28I knew you were going to say that.
42:30I wouldn't take it.
42:31Well, then what does it matter if I offer it or not?
42:34Because I would have offered it to you.
42:36You're my friend.
42:38And money and friendship don't mix.
42:40My father and his friend Paul were never the same.
42:43We're not talking about your father and his friend Paul.
42:47We're talking about you and your friend me.
42:50And for the record, I am aware that I have some financial messiness that I have to clean up.
42:56And to that end, I am looking into some freelance magazine work.
42:59I have been offered $4 a word of Vogue.
43:01That is a lot.
43:02Most people get two.
43:04So, yes, I have made some mistakes.
43:07And Charlotte, you have made some mistakes.
43:11And when you were making those mistakes, I was sitting across from you at the coffee shop,
43:15nodding and listening and supporting you.
43:18I was not sitting at a Chinese restaurant, turning away when you should have been looking at me.
43:25And what kills me is you don't even have to work.
43:28You're volunteering.
43:34Carrie, I love you.
43:36But it's not my job to fix your finances.
43:41You're a 35-year-old woman.
43:43You need to learn to stand on your own.
43:46Charlotte.
43:49What is that on your finger?
43:52I just wear it when I'm alone in my house.
43:56And you're telling me to be more independent?
43:58It's my ring.
43:58I can wear it if I want to.
44:00And so what if it makes me feel better?
44:03And for the record, the only reason that I am volunteering is because no one will hire me.
44:07I've called seven galleries.
44:10Apparently, I have too much experience.
44:15You're right.
44:16It's your ring.
44:17It's your business.
44:18I just got all worked up on the walk over here.
44:20You've walked?
44:21No, I took a $5 cab ride seven blocks.
44:24These shoes pinch my feet.
44:26But I love them.
44:29I am in a financial cul-de-sac.
44:32But I'm going to take the bus.
44:35Just hope I'm on it.
44:40Meanwhile, in the lap of luxury...
44:45It's okay.
44:46I'm Richard's assistant.
44:47And I'm gay.
44:48Well, gay, turn around and give a girl a moment.
44:51I'm Roger.
44:52And you weren't supposed to be here.
44:54Richard left and I decided to take a nice relaxing bath.
44:57But now that's shot to shit.
44:59Okay, decent.
45:01I am so sorry.
45:03But if it's any consolation, wow.
45:06Pilates.
45:07So, why haven't I seen you around the office?
45:12Uh, he has three assistants.
45:14I run his errands.
45:16Oh, he has errands.
45:19Is that an errand gift wrapped on the bed?
45:24Uh...
45:25All right.
45:26I'm his personal shopper.
45:28He's a very busy man.
45:30I'll bet.
45:32Exactly how many women are you buying gifts for?
45:35What do you mean?
45:36Roger, honey.
45:37You've seen my bush.
45:38We're a little past acting coy.
45:40Since you came into the picture, a lot less.
45:43And he's never sent me to Chanel before.
45:45That was fun.
45:46Great wallet.
45:47Also came in red, but I couldn't decide...
45:49So, Richard didn't pick out any of these gifts?
45:51Technically, no.
45:53But, uh...
45:53He really, really likes you.
45:55I can tell.
45:56Yeah, he thinks I'm the best.
45:58Wait.
45:59The cards.
46:00Style for style.
46:01Sexy for sexy.
46:03Um...
46:04Me for you.
46:07Please don't have me fired.
46:08I'll tell you what.
46:09I'll pretend you don't exist.
46:12If you do one thing for me.
46:19Oh, Richard.
46:21I thought you'd like it.
46:22Oh, you did?
46:24Oh, oops.
46:26I forgot the card.
46:31Gorgeous for gorgeous love, Richard.
46:45I love you, Samantha.
46:47I do.
46:49You do?
46:53And I love...
46:56Fitz.
46:59Samantha could have said, I love you.
47:01But she was afraid it would cost her too much.
47:03So she did what she did best.
47:07Okay.
47:08So, um...
47:09Every other Saturday and Wednesday at 5, you take...
47:13I was thinking 4.57 would be better.
47:15You think this is stupid?
47:16No.
47:17I just was thinking that, you know, things are gonna get off schedule.
47:21I mean, I'm talking about a kid, not a train.
47:24I'd offer to do that for you, but I don't think that it's in the contract, so...
47:28Don't give me a hard time.
47:30I could fart you into oblivion right now.
47:35Oh, that feels so great.
47:40Thanks.
47:44Steve, am I ugly?
47:46What?
47:48No.
47:49You got that glow.
47:51But would you want to have sex with me?
47:53What are you talking about?
47:55You're pregnant.
47:56Yeah.
47:58And another charming side effect, aside from flatulence and bloating, is all I can think
48:03about is sex.
48:04And who would want to have sex with me?
48:08I'd like to have sex with you, but I'm pretty sure that it's not allowed.
48:13I've heard Section B14 in the contract, and...
48:18I said nothing about sex.
48:20Fuck the contract.
48:23And please fuck me.
48:31Ouch.
48:32What?
48:33You're squishing me a little bit.
48:34I'm sorry.
48:35That night, Steve gave Miranda multiple orgasms, for what it's worth.
48:41Just to be clear, this doesn't mean we're a couple.
48:45This is a mercy fuck.
48:55I'm sorry about the other day.
48:57And I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
48:59You were right.
49:00I haven't wanted to let go of being Mrs. Trey McDougal.
49:02Well, I think that you are coping amazingly well.
49:06I'm just scared.
49:08I know.
49:10Me too.
49:11Wow.
49:13We're alone again.
49:15Yeah.
49:16Yeah.
49:28I want you to take the ring for your down payment.
49:30Oh, no.
49:31No, I can't.
49:31I can't.
49:32You love this ring.
49:33No.
49:34I love what the ring represented.
49:36No, Charlotte, I think you're right.
49:37It would make things too complicated.
49:39Carrie, this is a straightforward business proposal.
49:42Clean and simple.
49:43Why do I have all this money if I can't help out a friend?
49:46But it would be a loan.
49:47I would pay you back.
49:48I know.
49:49I want you to think really carefully about this.
49:53I have.
49:54Will you be comfortable knowing that it will take me time to pay you back?
49:58Yes, I will.
50:07I really appreciate this.
50:09And I'll pay you back.
50:10You know that, right?
50:12I do.
50:13It's okay.
50:15I trust you.
50:16Will you take the ring?
50:20I will.
50:24Charlotte had taken her painful past and turned it into my hopeful future.
50:28And that made the ring priceless.
50:31Oh.
50:32I start work at the museum next week.
50:34Oh, that's great.
50:35Oh, guess what?
50:36I got Vogue up to $4.50 a word.
50:44I've fixed the toilet.
50:45And I should be done with this by the end of the afternoon.
50:47Okay, great.
50:52It wasn't quite as easy as clicking my Manolo Blahniks three times.
50:56But it was worth it.
50:58I was home.
51:00I was home.
51:01I was home.