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00:01There is one day even the most cynical New York woman dreams of all her life.
00:06It'll be fabulous. Everything white. White flowers, white tablecloths, white food, W-H-I-T-E, white.
00:12She imagines what she'll wear, the photographers, the toasts.
00:16Everybody's celebrating the fact that she finally found a publisher.
00:20It's her book release party.
00:22This is a sexy event, so don't be afraid to use color.
00:26I'm not afraid of anything.
00:27How about pink?
00:28Pink.
00:29Hot pink.
00:30Pink!
00:34Isn't it perfect?
00:36It's huge.
00:38Huge space, huge book.
00:40Who's coming?
00:40Everyone.
00:42Okay, this is cuckoo.
00:43Guest list!
00:44When your career is going better than ever, it's hard not to get a big head.
00:50Meanwhile, Miranda was back at the office, and she was politically incorrectly happy to be there.
00:58I have Walker Lewis calling.
01:01I'll take that.
01:02Miranda and Walker had shared one night of great sex, BC, before child.
01:07I'm so glad I wasn't waiting for your call.
01:09I'm so glad you remember me.
01:11Oh!
01:11I remember you.
01:13I remember you too.
01:15I remember you naked.
01:17So, how you been?
01:19What's new with you?
01:21Nothing much.
01:22How about you?
01:23I was hoping to take you on a very belated second date.
01:26How about Thursday?
01:27She invited him to be her plus one at the book party, since she knew she'd be conveniently minus one.
01:32Magda had already agreed to babysit.
01:35Meanwhile, Charlotte was working on her perfect plus one, Justin Anderson III.
01:42Well, thanks for another lovely lunch, and for walking me home.
01:45My pleasure.
01:50Justin was just in time, because Charlotte was finally ready for a new relationship.
01:56Oh!
01:57Good afternoon, Mrs. Collier.
01:59Yes.
02:00It certainly was.
02:04And she's one of the friendly ones.
02:07Okay, I better get back to her.
02:08Okay.
02:11I was in a new relationship, too.
02:14With my publisher.
02:15Mm-hmm.
02:15Okay, bye-bye.
02:16I am so freaking excited about this party.
02:19Seriously, Carrie, we are so golden.
02:21People actually want to come to this book party.
02:24All of Con and Ness is coming, including GQ, which is actual straight men.
02:28Someone better kiss me at this thing, that's all I gotta say.
02:30So it's not about selling books, it's about finding you a boyfriend.
02:34Hey, Courtney.
02:35Oh!
02:36I didn't know you had somebody in here, I'm sorry.
02:38Oh, Jack, what are you doing here?
02:40Using the Xerox machine.
02:41You finished your second book?
02:42No, my suicide note.
02:44Would you like to save the date card?
02:46Please.
02:47You know each other?
02:48No.
02:48No?
02:49Oh, Carrie Bradshaw.
02:50Her book of essays comes out this week.
02:52Oh, very exciting.
02:53Jack Berger, we published his first book last year.
02:56Oh.
02:57And your name is Berger?
02:59Never heard of me.
03:01What does that say about your publicity department?
03:03Not your primary market.
03:04Right, because she's not in my immediate family.
03:07Jack wrote a hilarious comic novel that speaks to men the same way your column speaks to women.
03:11Yeah, except men don't buy hilarious comic novels.
03:13That's the flaw in the plan.
03:14What's your book?
03:15Half Off.
03:16That's what it's called now.
03:17It's just half off.
03:18Sometimes it's 75 cents on a card table on 6th Avenue.
03:22Next to the incense.
03:23Exactly.
03:23You two should talk, because he knows the whole deal.
03:26The party, the signings, the reading, the tour.
03:31Minutes later, Jack Berger and I slowed down for a little fast food.
03:35I'm not so much feeding them as I'm hitting them.
03:38Yes, I see that.
03:39Did the man have a little repressed anger?
03:42Or did he just dislike pigeons, the woman wondered?
03:45The woman is tripping over the term repressed.
03:49I'm not really bitter, I'm just trying it on for size.
03:52I think it fits.
03:53Yeah.
03:54A little tight in the crotch.
03:57You're saying crotch to me?
03:59We just met.
04:01Along the sleeve?
04:04Not as funny.
04:05You see that?
04:05It had to be crotch.
04:07How's that strawberry shake?
04:10It's very tasty, thank you.
04:11I can't believe that you ordered strawberry.
04:13Who ordered strawberry after the age of 11?
04:16You have so much to learn about women.
04:19Yeah, that's what a few reviewers said.
04:22Alright, what's next?
04:24How long do I have you for?
04:25I don't know.
04:26What else is on your agenda?
04:28I gotta pick up some dry cleaning.
04:29Wouldn't it be weird for you to come with me to pick up some dry cleaning?
04:31No, it would be weird for you to send me.
04:33It's a nice place, right around the corner.
04:35Family joint.
04:36They have an actual abacus.
04:49We were having one of those great first dates you can only have when it's not an actual date.
05:04What's that?
05:05That's stupid, I collect found playing cards.
05:11I'm going to go with
05:11I'm going to go with the video.
05:12Like I said, I'm going to go with a couple of deck.
05:16Inserted the obvious joke here.
05:18And I didn't have a two of hearts.
05:21What?
05:22It's a good day.
05:24Yes it is.
05:28Hey, Burger.
05:30We're on a last name basis now?
05:32Yeah.
05:32Okay.
05:34Burger,
05:35Would you, by any chance, want to be my plus one on Thursday?
05:42It's my book party, and I don't have a date, and you'll have the clean shirt and all.
05:50I would love that, but my girlfriend's parents are coming to visit, and they are staying with us.
05:55Oh.
05:57Oh.
05:59It was like a bomb that just kept exploding.
06:02I have a girlfriend.
06:04We live together.
06:06This whole flirtation's in your head.
06:09He should have mentioned her earlier.
06:11But not too early.
06:12I hate it when men do that.
06:14I have a girlfriend.
06:15Calm down.
06:16I just asked if that seat was taken.
06:18That guy's a jerk.
06:19Thing is, I don't think he is.
06:21I sparked with this person.
06:23I never spark.
06:27I wonder how happy they are.
06:30This is not a good sight of me.
06:32Seriously, what's the point of meeting someone like that if they're not available?
06:36It's the universe telling you they're still out there.
06:38Maybe it's the universe telling you all the good ones are taken.
06:41I'm telling you all the good ones are coming to the party.
06:44What do you look like?
06:46I can't remember.
06:48Which is what happens when I really like someone.
06:50I just remember a feeling.
06:54Or he was a dating mirage.
06:56I was so hungry for a spark, I hallucinated a man.
06:58Stop.
06:59You're the toast of the town.
07:00Finish your salad, and I'll treat you to a little mani-pedi Botox.
07:03I like how you say that, like everybody does it.
07:05Everybody will.
07:06I think I'd rather just crawl into bed.
07:08Oh, honey, a little perspective.
07:10You have a fun, exciting, intellectually stimulating career,
07:13and there's about to be a huge soiree thrown in your honor.
07:16Yes, and I'll be without a plus one.
07:18I'll be your plus one.
07:19He should have said we something.
07:22We go to the strike cleaners.
07:24We might be breaking up soon.
07:26I didn't tell Walker I had a baby.
07:29How could you not mention it?
07:30It didn't come up.
07:31If Walker had asked me directly, have you given birth recently,
07:34I would have said, first of all, define recently.
07:36You have to tell him.
07:37I know, I will.
07:38I just don't want it to change everything.
07:41If I didn't have a baby, this is a guy I'd be dating.
07:43If Carrie's guy didn't have a girlfriend,
07:45then he's a guy she'd be dating.
07:47But he does.
07:48Thanks for bringing that up again.
07:52In New York, they say you're always looking for a job,
07:54a boyfriend, or an apartment.
07:56So let's say you have two out of three, and they're fabulous.
08:00Why do we let the one thing we don't have
08:02affect how we feel about all the things we do have?
08:05Why does one minus a plus one feel like it adds up to zero?
08:15Samantha didn't need a man to make her feel positive,
08:17but she did need a man to inject her forehead every so often.
08:20We like to warn our patients that some people find it difficult
08:24to register emotion on their faces after the injections.
08:27So you might have to say, I am so angry.
08:31Miss Jones is familiar with the procedure.
08:37Oh.
08:39New ones.
08:40Like most high-powered women,
08:42Samantha could handle the stress of her job,
08:44but not the stress lines.
08:45Before we do the Botox,
08:47have you thought about a freshening chemical peel?
08:50It takes 15 minutes,
08:51and it can make you look 10 to 20 years younger.
08:54Oh.
08:5615 minutes later,
08:58Samantha seemed to have it all.
09:02Peeled off.
09:05There are times when a woman relishes being alone.
09:08There you go.
09:11Oh, my God.
09:12And those are the times you usually run into someone
09:15you don't want to see.
09:16In my case, it was Enid Frick,
09:18my editor at Vogue,
09:20also alone.
09:23Carrie.
09:24Oh.
09:26Ian.
09:27Hi.
09:30Well, uh...
09:31How are you?
09:32Good, good.
09:33Are you meeting someone?
09:34No, I'm just grabbing a quick bite.
09:37Well, um,
09:38would you like to...
09:39Oh, no.
09:40Not if you're working.
09:41Oh, no, it's fine.
09:42I was just reading.
09:43Hello.
09:46Hi.
09:47Hello is what you're...
09:48Oh, reading.
09:51Yes.
09:52So do you really want company?
09:55Sure.
09:55I just ordered.
09:59I guess this way I can expense it.
10:02Right.
10:09Enid and I ran out of Vogue stuff to talk about
10:12midway through our salads.
10:14Do you live in the neighborhood?
10:15No.
10:20But the man I'm seeing does.
10:23Oh.
10:24So there's a man.
10:26Yes.
10:27There is a man.
10:28Well, that's great.
10:30You have a wildly successful career and a relationship.
10:33I was worried we...
10:34You know, women only get one or the other.
10:38But you have it all.
10:44Enid, you gotta give me something here.
10:46I'm working my ass off.
10:48All right.
10:49To speak in magazine copy, yes, I have it all.
10:53On the east side.
10:55He has someone else on the west side.
10:57Luckily, the park provides a buffer.
11:01So, you're okay with that?
11:03Yes.
11:04I don't have time for a full-time man.
11:06I have a full-time job.
11:07That's the key to having it all.
11:09Stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like.
11:13That's true of the fall lines, and it's true of relationships.
11:17Her little tip earned Enid one invitation to my party.
11:21That night, Charlotte let her perfect plus one have it all.
11:41She even let him stay the night in her perfect pre-war apartment.
11:46Oh, yeah, this manjai ordered breakfast.
11:49You're too good to be true.
11:51Hmm.
11:53Oh.
11:56Unfortunately, Charlotte was about to get much more than she ordered.
12:04Is anybody home?
12:06Yes, I am.
12:08Oh, hello, Charlotte.
12:10Funny, what are you doing here?
12:11The question is, what are you doing here?
12:14I'm hearing things from the co-op board.
12:16They're spying on me?
12:18Mrs. Collier saw you kissing a male caller in the hall in the middle of the day.
12:23I believe that kissing is allowed.
12:25And Mrs. Pierce said, a gentleman, we assume it was the same one, but who knows, came home with you
12:31last night.
12:32And according to the doorman, he hasn't left yet.
12:36What I do with my life in my apartment is...
12:40That's the thing, dear.
12:41It's not your apartment.
12:42Trey gave me this apartment.
12:44It's not Trey's to give.
12:46And this apartment remains in the McDougal name, whereas you, Charlotte York, do not.
12:52So you see, it's rather a sticky subject, made stickier by the fact that you're still married.
12:57Uh, you're married?
13:01I'm not married, I'm separated.
13:03Aren't you missing a pair of trousers?
13:06You, you have to go.
13:08Don't you hustle me out, young lady.
13:10This is Chanel.
13:13Charlotte discovered that a plus one plus one ex-mother-in-law equals disaster.
13:28Anthony is going to be my date to the party.
13:30Well, what happened to this perfect plus one we all had to meet?
13:32I don't want to talk about it.
13:34Well, sweetie, what ha...
13:34Ooh, that's my call waiting.
13:35Can you hang on a sec?
13:37No, I can't.
13:38That's the locksmith.
13:39Bunny's back.
13:41Ooh.
13:42Hello?
13:43So I'm definitely on the list, correct?
13:45Of course you're on the list.
13:46Good, because I'm bringing my boyfriend.
13:48Yes, I've heard.
13:50I don't want to seem like a nobody now that I have a somebody.
13:53Oh, so it's okay to be a nobody when you have nobody.
13:55Well, apparently you're nobody till somebody loves you.
13:57I can't believe I used to like that song.
13:59It's the codependent national anthem.
14:01Oh, and you think someone's a little jelly.
14:03Well, I just miss having you as my plus one.
14:06You know, the gay guy is the single gal's safety net.
14:09Even Charlotte has a gay plus one, and this is my big night.
14:11Her little boy bitch Anthony is coming?
14:13Yes, he's coming.
14:14He's styled the event.
14:16Well, good.
14:17I'm glad he'll be there, because he's bringing a woman, and I have it all.
14:21Oh, and I have a call.
14:22See you tonight?
14:22Okay, ciao.
14:24Hello.
14:25Honey?
14:26Honey, I've had a little something done, and it's not as bad as yesterday, but I've looked
14:34better.
14:37I'm not sure I should go to the party.
14:40You have to come.
14:41You're my publicist, and thanks to you, there's going to be 8,000 people there.
14:44I would like to see at least one familiar face.
14:48Well...
14:49Samantha, I need you.
14:50I can't talk to the press.
14:51I can't keep everyone straight.
14:52And you said she would be my plus one.
14:55Oh, all right.
14:58Don't worry about a thing.
14:59I'll be there.
15:01Okay.
15:16The party was one of those amazing events that would definitely end up on page six.
15:21The fact that it was my party was just icing on the beautiful little cakes that were being
15:26passed around by beautiful little waiters.
15:28Oh, my God.
15:29Carrie, one more.
15:31Carrie, one more.
15:33Carrie, right here.
15:34Oh, my God, Carrie.
15:42One more.
15:43One more.
15:45Can you believe that?
15:46Is it a bad thing if the party is better than the book?
15:48I've been turning people away.
15:50Not those straight men, of course.
15:52Hey, have you seen Samantha?
15:53Vanity Fair doesn't have a table.
15:55Oh, not your problem.
15:56Enjoy.
15:57Oh, cute guy.
16:02Hello, Carrie.
16:04I'm Harold Keenan of The New Yorker, and I've been following your career.
16:07Let me just say congratulations.
16:09Carrie!
16:11I'm here!
16:14You look amazing.
16:17Um, Harold Keenan from The New Yorker.
16:20This is Samantha Jones, beekeeper.
16:22What are you doing over there?
16:23Talk to the man.
16:24Let him see your face.
16:25Carrie!
16:29There she was.
16:30My plus one, minus one layer of skin.
16:33Hi, I've had a chemical peel.
16:35I'm Carrie's publicist.
16:41Could you at least separate the two thoughts chemical peel carries publicist?
16:45Why did you do this?
16:46It was an impulse purchase.
16:48No, gum is an impulse purchase.
16:50This is more than gum.
16:51I wanted to be super fresh for the party.
16:53Well, you are.
16:53You look like Beef Carpaccio.
16:55Failed down, I think.
16:56No.
16:57Yeah.
16:57If you know how many dinner parties I've sat through across from one of these.
17:00And you were able to eat?
17:02Carrie, I'm entitled to a chemical peel.
17:05Wait.
17:06Wait.
17:06No, no, no.
17:06That was good.
17:07Women shouldn't have to hide in the shadows because they've had cosmetic surgery, which
17:11society nearly demands of them.
17:12Wear a ribbon and make that political statement elsewhere.
17:14This is my party and you're scaring people.
17:16Carrie.
17:17Oh, hi.
17:19I've had a chemical peel.
17:21And she's not afraid to say it.
17:22When I had my nose job, I stayed in for a month.
17:28Oh, excuse us.
17:29We have to go find Charlotte and her tiny little friend.
17:32We were just getting to know each other.
17:34I was planning on telling him.
17:36Char, you can wrap it up in a Tiffany bow all you'd like.
17:38The point is you want her to get laid first.
17:41Charlotte, hello.
17:42Hi, Stanford.
17:43You remember Anthony?
17:45Anthony.
17:46Oh, of course.
17:47She tried to fix us up at the fashion show.
17:49I didn't know he'd be here.
17:51This is Marcus, my boyfriend.
17:54Really?
17:55How long have you been going together?
17:57Four months.
17:58Four whole months.
18:00Good luck to you.
18:01We don't need luck.
18:02We're in love.
18:05Shrimp?
18:05Shrimp!
18:06For some people, having it all is not enough.
18:09They need someone who missed out on it all to be jealous.
18:12We're getting a house in the Hamptons.
18:14Sprigging coconut shrimp.
18:15What do you do with the tails?
18:17Mr. Shrimpy!
18:18And he has a large penis.
18:23Where in the Hamptons?
18:25From a pair of queens to a hand still not shown.
18:34Maybe you and I should go somewhere a little less crowded.
18:38Like, um...
18:39Anywhere in Manhattan.
18:42Your apartment?
18:44Yes.
18:46But, um...
18:47First, I have to tell you something.
18:49Ah, there's someone else.
18:51Sort of.
18:53I had a baby.
18:58But I'm still allowed to have sex.
19:02Is it, uh...
19:04Mine?
19:06No!
19:07No!
19:08The guy's a friend who I accidentally slept with.
19:15I'm not good with kids.
19:16Neither am I.
19:19Look.
19:20Months from now, if we're still together, we'll figure this out.
19:24But for now, it's just us.
19:26And, um...
19:27I'm still the same person, so...
19:31Let's go screw our brains out.
19:34Huh?
19:43Oh, yeah.
19:45Yeah.
19:46Oh, that feels amazing.
19:49You sure we won't wake him?
19:50He's fine.
19:51He's fine.
19:52Forget about him.
19:53Miranda was trying to prove she could still do it all.
19:56Bring home the bacon.
19:58Bring home the baby.
19:59And bring home an orgasm.
20:01Oh, yeah.
20:02Oh, Walker.
20:03Don't stop.
20:05Oh, yeah.
20:07Oh, oh.
20:10Mommy's coming.
20:12Mommy's coming.
20:14I don't think I can do this.
20:17I told you.
20:18I'm not a baby guy.
20:20Couldn't I just please come first?
20:23All right.
20:36Oh, so now you stop crying.
20:50So, here we are, huh?
20:52The night of my big party, Miranda finally gave in to her little party.
20:57Because she wasn't the same person.
20:59She was plus one.
21:01Yeah.
21:02Yeah.
21:08So, a book.
21:09A book.
21:09Does anybody read books anymore?
21:11Well, actually, I think books are coming back.
21:13You can quote me on the side of a bus if you want.
21:14Books are back.
21:15Isaac Misra.
21:16Okay, I'll remember that.
21:18Meet me.
21:19Bye.
21:19Perfect party, Carrie.
21:20Congratulations.
21:21Worth coming downtown for.
21:22Mmm.
21:24What's that, yes.
21:27Oh, last one.
21:33As I looked around, I thought, who needs a date?
21:35I can have my cake and eat it, too.
21:40Then suddenly, there he was, looking cuter than I remembered, and minus one girlfriend.
21:49Hey, lady of the hour.
21:51You're happy to get to.
21:52So is the dessert try when it's your party.
21:55At just this point of reference, my book party could fit in a coat check of their book party.
21:59400 of my closest acquaintances.
22:02You look great.
22:04So, I thought you couldn't make it.
22:06Well, I had to come by, so congratulations.
22:12Well, thanks for coming, Burger.
22:14Yeah.
22:17All right.
22:19Good luck with the book and everything.
22:22Me, too.
22:33Excuse me.
22:34Hey.
22:35Hey.
22:36Was that the spark guy?
22:37Yes, it was.
22:39Jack Burger.
22:40All by his lonesome.
22:41Well, he is awfully cute.
22:43Is he?
22:44I forgot again.
22:45He's obviously here because he felt something, too.
22:48Can you call me from a cab and tell me that?
22:51I love you, but your face.
22:53Oh, I know.
22:54The caterer just sued me away from the buffet.
22:57Do you mind if I go home?
22:59I thought you'd never ask.
23:01Thank you for being here.
23:03Honey, I wouldn't have gone out in public like this for anyone but you.
23:08I know.
23:09And I have to live with that.
23:12There, there.
23:14Bye.
23:14Bye.
23:15Bye.
23:18I might go, too.
23:19My plus one dummy for a shrimp waiter.
23:21Huh?
23:21I'd love to leave, but I have to stay.
23:23I'm like the ice sculpture the party's supposed to happen around.
23:26Huh?
23:30I had to let him go, correct?
23:34Just what she told me right up front.
23:37The thing is, there's some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds.
23:43Like, I'm getting divorced.
23:46I'm lonely.
23:48I am.
23:51The loneliness is palpable.
23:56Why didn't you tell me you invited Cliff?
23:58Cliff who?
23:58Cliff, Cliff.
23:59My Cliff.
24:00It's with her.
24:02That's him?
24:03Cliff Bracken from Rime Time Spades?
24:05Don't make a scene.
24:06Is this her side of town?
24:08We're below Houston.
24:10East side, west side.
24:11Who the hell knows down here?
24:12I'm so angry.
24:15As it turns out, even the most together woman can't keep it together when it comes to love.
24:20Who was that?
24:22My role model.
24:24Because just below the surface, we're all raw and exposed.
24:27We're all raw and exposed.
24:28Hi.
24:30Hi.
24:31Hi.
24:32Hi.
24:42So, what was the party for?
24:47um me I have a book coming out you wrote a book well it's just a collection of my
24:56yes I wrote a book that's amazing congratulations thank you it was kind of amazing why did I need a
25:05stranger to remind me of that so where can I take you oh home 73rd and oh no no no
25:11we have to
25:17celebrate this oh no kidding congratulations gonna be the bookstores and everything yeah
25:27that's great hey well that's the case then tonight dogs are on me all I could think was who needs
25:40a
25:40burger when you can get a fabulous hot dog for 75 cents or free then again maybe there is something
25:53to knowing they're out there in the life of a New Yorker there are several unpleasant things one will
26:17inevitably have to face having your purse stolen random public urination and seeing a gay friend's
26:26boyfriend in a Broadway review I think I understand the three drink minimum now you're not enjoying the
26:34review frankly I'm more concerned about my own review in the times oh my god right your books reviewed this
26:41week you must be so excited more like terrified Mashiko Kakutani she's the times book critic oh I thought you
26:49were suggesting an appetizer she's brilliant and she's really tough and impossible to pronounce
26:53uh-oh I think they're bringing us home how could you not love this look at my boyfriend he's
27:01gorgeous oh and he can kick the dance in the jazz bravo bravo bravo bravo bravo
27:23ladies room Broadway's best Debbie who would have thought the phrase go see your cousin Debbie's
27:32club act could contain such horror oh I thought there'd be at least one straight guy here I mean
27:37if not in the audience then at least behind the bar well hold on because tomorrow we're gonna cruise the
27:45cute pretzel guys at the building square market is that as sad as that just sounded well if it makes
27:52Do you feel any better? I used to have a thing for the Amish guys who make hairbrushes.
27:56Um, yeah.
28:00Hi. You're Carrie Bradshaw.
28:02Yeah. Have we met?
28:04I recognize you from your column.
28:06Oh.
28:07And I went out with Aiden right after you.
28:14There I was, worrying about the New York Times, when apparently I'd already been reviewed.
28:19I'm telling you, it was a hit and run.
28:21No, no, no, no. It was a face and run.
28:24Make it again.
28:26Yeah, that ain't good.
28:28I think you're being oversensitive, and it was some kind of a facial spasm or something.
28:32A lot of people have them like Bell's palsy.
28:34No, it was not Bell's palsy. It was a full frontal attack of the face.
28:38Like, uh, wow, was he messed up. You really screwed him up good.
28:43What did you say to her?
28:45I didn't have time to say anything. She just ran out of the bathroom.
28:48Fuck that fucking face, girl.
28:49Well, when you put it like that.
28:51I'm sorry. I haven't slept for days. Brady's been crying nonstop.
28:56You poor thing. Can I do anything?
28:58Put me out of my misery.
28:59Well, what's wrong with him? Is he sick?
29:01No, he's not sick. He's not hungry. He's not teething. He just wants to scream.
29:06I'm doing everything I can, but I can't please him.
29:08If he was 35, this is when we would break up.
29:11He has issues, clearly.
29:12I'm telling you, this 13-pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge. I feel disgusting.
29:17All of my clothes smell like barf. I don't have time to have...
29:21Oh, that reminds me. I have to confirm my appointment with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon.
29:27I have no idea how hard it was to get this appointment.
29:31Hi. It's Samantha Jones. I'm calling to confirm my appointment Saturday for a Cut and Color with John.
29:37Huh? Thanks. Crisis averted.
29:42Well, log is waiting for me. Time to go back to prison.
29:46Let me come with you. I can help.
29:47You don't have to do that.
29:49No, it's okay. Actually, I have a few questions because I'm meeting with a divorce lawyer on Monday.
29:53Oh, ask him if I could get an injunction to stop a face.
29:57Who'd you get?
29:58Matthew Bloom of Bloom and Goldenblatt.
30:00What's he like?
30:02He's smart. He's tough.
30:03But is he tough enough to beat Bunny to a pulp?
30:06Uh, yeah.
30:08Good.
30:09Okay, great. Bye, guys. Have a nice day.
30:12Hey, Miranda, call me if you need anything.
30:17Damn, why is that girl still bothering me?
30:20Honey, you have to let it go.
30:21If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house.
30:26Early Monday morning, Charlotte met with her lawyer.
30:29He was smart, tough, and gorgeous.
30:32You said on the phone you had some bad feelings about your mother-in-law, Bunny McDougal.
30:36Did I?
30:38I get a sense from her lawyer this is going to be a bit of a battle.
30:41It was a battle, all right.
30:43The battle of the Charlottes.
30:45The Charlotte who wanted to seem attractive to her adorable lawyer.
30:48And the Charlotte who wanted to kick Bunny McDougal's ass.
30:51It looks to me that Mrs. McDougal has been very busy hiding assets to make sure you don't get, well,
30:57anything.
30:58Hmm.
31:00Well, I just really want what was promised. I want my apartment.
31:05Technically, it's not your apartment.
31:06Trey's family owns it.
31:08And she was very careful to make sure your name was never on the deed.
31:10What? Trey gave me that apartment!
31:13Sorry.
31:14Usually I'm a very refined person.
31:16Well, with your husband out of the country, I'm going to need you to be more specific.
31:19Charlotte realized she could never be as ugly as she needed to be in front of a man she considered
31:24so handsome.
31:25Bop, bop, bop, bop, sorry to bust in. There's a bagel over here with my name on it.
31:29My partner, Harry Goldenblatt. Harry?
31:31Charlotte York. I'm handling her divorce.
31:33Hey, how you doing? You're in the right hands here.
31:36It's a killer.
31:37Oh.
31:38Oh.
31:40Who the hell ordered blueberry bagels?
31:42So I'm talking to Thelma about this.
31:45Good luck to you.
31:49Is he a killer too?
31:51And just like that, Charlotte changed lawyers.
31:58After a grueling day which included leg, eyebrow, and bikini waxes,
32:02Samantha decided to reward herself with a night of R&R.
32:13Unfortunately, her favorite vibrator needed a little CPR.
32:30Grady, please. What?
32:33I cannot read your mind.
32:45Who is it?
32:46Boy B.
32:49It's 2.30 in the morning.
32:51I know. I'm sorry.
32:53You've got to stop that baby from crying.
32:55Look, I said I was sorry.
32:56But I have a baby.
32:58And sometimes babies make noise. That's what they do.
33:00I know that.
33:01I have a baby too.
33:02And if you ever bothered to say hello in the elevator, you would know that.
33:06I'm Kendall. My baby is Alika.
33:08Have a nice night.
33:10Evidently, Miranda had been getting bad reviews from inside her own building.
33:15As for my review, I guess I was pretty nervous.
33:18Times.
33:19I hadn't been up this early since Princess Diana's wedding.
33:26Good morning.
33:30All in all, I enjoyed spending time in Ms. Bradshaw's sharp, funny, finely drawn world where single women rule and
33:38the men are disposable.
33:41Ouch.
33:42Carrie, I believe what you have there is a rave review from the New York Times.
33:47The men are disposable?
33:49I don't dispose of men, do I?
33:51No.
33:51Well, Mashiko Kakutani thinks so, and I always agree with her.
33:55Fuck Mashiko Kakutani.
33:57Oh, no sleep again?
33:58Actually, it was a good night.
34:01I got a whole hour.
34:03I can't believe I have to go and pretend to be a lawyer now.
34:08Can I wear a baseball cap to work?
34:10With what shoes?
34:12Oh my God, listen to me going on and on about Mashiko Kakutani when you have real problems.
34:16So can I obsess for another minute?
34:18Just don't say her name again. It'll push me over the edge.
34:21So, yes, some of the men in the book are maybe a little disposable, but this makes it sound like
34:27I think men are disposable in life.
34:30What? What's with the paws?
34:33I'm sorry, I fell asleep for a second.
34:35That's a terrible thing to think about me.
34:38Oh my God, that's what the face meant.
34:42Do you think that Aiden thinks that I think he was disposable?
34:45Carrie, you did not throw Aiden away.
34:47Good morning!
34:49Well, that girl thinks I did. He must have said something like that to her.
34:52Where else would she get it?
34:55Steve and Aiden are close. Has Steve ever said anything to you?
34:57Does Steve hate me now?
34:59Carrie, you're spinning.
35:01Steve doesn't hate you.
35:02Then how come I never see him anymore?
35:03You never see him because I have to keep him away because if I see him now, I'll ask him
35:09to marry me just to give me some help.
35:12I worked very hard at taking care of Aiden's feelings. Will you mention that to Steve?
35:16Because if Aiden told Steve that...
35:18Carrie, you know what?
35:19Maybe you should call your girlfriend Samantha.
35:22She has all kinds of time to talk about this kind of stuff.
35:24Look, I know it's me and I'm jealous of her free time at all, but if she could maybe just
35:30once acknowledge the fact that I've had a baby.
35:40It's not enough I've alienated my neighbor.
35:42Now I'm alienating my friend.
35:44You're not alienating anyone.
35:46Tell that to 4D. She's pissed off I don't know her name.
35:49Do you know your neighbor's names?
35:50Please.
35:51I'm a bad neighbor and a bad mother.
35:54That's not true. You're doing great.
35:56Yeah, right.
35:57You're just having a bad week.
35:59Can I do anything to help?
36:01That helps.
36:02Just asking.
36:05I'm late. I gotta go.
36:07Congratulations on the review.
36:09Yeah.
36:17Why is it that we only seem to believe the negative things people say about us?
36:22No matter how much evidence there is to the contrary.
36:24A neighbor, a face, an ex-boyfriend can cancel out everything we thought was once true.
36:31Odd.
36:31But when it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?
36:41After a long day in court, Miranda faced another jury.
36:48Don't cry.
36:49Don't cry.
36:53Don't cry.
37:11And at City Bakery, Samantha and I were reviewing the desserts.
37:14Mmm, delicious.
37:16Hey, I'll buy you dessert if you do something for me.
37:19I'm not eating desserts this week.
37:20Oh, come on. Best brownie's in New York.
37:24Bastard.
37:25I'll take a brownie.
37:27What do you need me to do?
37:29It's about Miranda and the baby.
37:30Forget the brownie.
37:31No, she'll take the brownie.
37:34Babies are not my scene.
37:37From what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole.
37:39You can't call a baby an asshole.
37:42Why not? She called it a meatloaf.
37:43I don't think it would kill all of us to be a little more supportive.
37:47Oh, all right.
37:48When he's in college, I'll take him for a drink and I'll flirt with his friends.
37:51How's that?
37:52Maybe you could just stop by tomorrow and say,
37:55I hear you had a baby. How's that going?
37:57Carrie, I have no time. I'm booked all day.
38:01I have my hair appointment and I'm returning a vibrator before that.
38:04Hair and a vibrator?
38:06Yes. That is my life and I don't have to justify it.
38:10I hate it when people have babies and they suddenly expect you to turn into some kind of Norman Rockwell
38:14painting.
38:14We're not talking about people. We're talking about our friend and she's sinking.
38:21What? So Miranda's like Venice?
38:24That'll be $14.20.
38:27She's paying for the brownie.
38:30Carrie?
38:32Oh, hey. Julia, hi.
38:35Oh, um, this is my friend Samantha. This is Julia Afton. We work together at Vogue.
38:39Hi.
38:39Hi, hardly.
38:41She gets to run in and out once a month while I'm chained to the hem of Anna Wintour.
38:45Oh, there's my friend, Nina.
38:47I'm here.
38:49It is about time.
38:50Hey.
38:51Sorry I'm late.
38:54Carrie, hi.
38:56There I was, face to face with the face girl.
38:59And how do you usually know each other?
39:00I'll tell you over lunch.
39:02Nina Katz?
39:02Hi.
39:03Samantha Jo.
39:04Oh, hi. Nice to see you again.
39:06Um, can we eat?
39:07I am starvation central.
39:09Okey-dokey. See ya.
39:10Bye, Carrie.
39:13How do you know Nina Katz?
39:14How do you know Nina Katz?
39:17Everybody knows Nina Katz. She's the booker for Saturday Night Live.
39:19Well, she's also the face girl.
39:22Oh, Nina Katz is the...
39:25Exactly.
39:34I'm going to need a big brownie as well, so...
39:38The next day, Samantha did some personal shopping.
39:43Very personal.
39:45Can I help you?
39:46Yes.
39:47I'd like to return this vibrator.
39:50We don't sell vibrators.
39:51Yes, you do. I bought it here six months ago.
39:54That's not a vibrator.
39:55It's a neck massager.
39:56No, it's a vibrator.
39:59Sharper Image doesn't sell vibrators.
40:01It's a neck massager.
40:03You expect me to believe that women buy these to help their sore necks?
40:07It's a neck massager.
40:09Fine. I'd like to return this neck massager.
40:12What's wrong with it?
40:13It failed to get me off.
40:16It has a warranty and it just stopped.
40:18It made the saddest little sound.
40:20Perhaps you wore it out.
40:22Well, honey, it wouldn't be the first one.
40:23Fine. Just find another and go to the cashier.
40:31I know a man who's in desperate need of a neck massage.
40:36Oh, you don't want that one.
40:38Too many bells and whistles.
40:42That one actually works against you.
40:44If we wanted to work that hard, we'd get us a man.
40:47Am I right?
40:48Samantha instantly established herself as the Mashiko Kakutani of vibrators.
40:53I think that one actually is a back massager.
40:55Not if you mount it.
40:59No, absolutely not.
41:00That will burn your clit off.
41:02Even with underwear?
41:03Even with ski pants.
41:23I brought you something.
41:26It belongs to Alika.
41:28An oscillating chair.
41:31It helps.
41:33It helps.
41:34Come on in.
41:40Hey there, Mr. Mouth.
41:43What have you got to say that it's so important?
41:45I'm sorry.
41:46It's just been non-stop.
41:49Now, this chair is a little controversial, but I don't give a shit.
41:55It had to stop my baby from crying when I was about ready to throw myself off the fire escape.
42:00Sounds good.
42:02Okay.
42:08Oh, my God.
42:10The chair is genius.
42:12I don't know.
42:12Something about the vibration.
42:14I don't know.
42:15They love it.
42:16Alika could sit in it for hours.
42:20So, how come you haven't heard about this?
42:22Don't your girlfriends have babies?
42:24No.
42:25I'm the only one.
42:26Ooh, then you're screwed.
42:29Actually, they've been very helpful.
42:30If they don't have kids, they don't have a clue.
42:37Miranda, you're not a bad mother.
42:39You just didn't have the chair.
42:46Kendall.
42:53Three blissful baby hours later.
42:56Samantha, what are you doing here?
42:58I'm not Samantha.
42:58You are.
42:59You have a 5.30 appointment with John Mandy at the John Mandy Salon.
43:03Go.
43:04What?
43:05I can't take your...
43:07I'm counting to five, and then I'm changing my mind.
43:09Really?
43:09Mm-hmm.
43:10You want to babysit?
43:11Five, four...
43:12Okay!
43:13Okay.
43:16I don't know what to say.
43:17I can't believe it.
43:18Well, neither can I, but here I am.
43:20Merry fucking Poppins.
43:25Um, the numbers are on the fridge, and don't take him out of that chair.
43:29It's the only thing that keeps him quiet.
43:32And don't call boys.
43:52Meanwhile, in a chair across town, I was enjoying an afternoon of absolutely nothing.
44:14Hey, do you think Nina Katz is telling random celebrity hosts that I'm the bad breakup girlfriend?
44:21What?
44:22Well, you said she loved to talk.
44:23Do you think she's trashing me?
44:24To say a Gwyneth Paltrow or an Ian McKellen?
44:28You can't be serious.
44:29Well, don't get me wrong.
44:30I don't flatter myself that a Gwyneth Paltrow or an Ian McKellen would be interested in my
44:34love life, but are you at a zoo?
44:37No, thanks to you, I'm at Miranda's, and Brady won't stop screaming, and I don't know
44:42what to do.
44:43You're at Miranda's?
44:44I sent her to get my hair cut.
44:46That was nice.
44:47Yes, and now I'm being punished.
44:50So he's not hurt?
44:51No.
44:52A what?
44:52No.
44:53Well, then I don't know what his problem is.
44:55His problem is he's an asshole.
44:58Well, maybe you should call Miranda.
45:00I will not.
45:01It took me months to get that appointment.
45:03Someone should benefit.
45:04I'll find some way to keep this kid quiet.
45:06Goodbye.
45:07No, no, wait.
45:08What about Nina?
45:09Gary, maybe Charlotte has the time to talk about this kind of stuff.
45:12I have a screaming baby on my hands.
45:18What?
45:19What do you need?
45:25Well, that's better.
45:28Is everything okay?
45:29Oh, absolutely.
45:30The chair thing broke, but, you know, shit happens.
45:32The chair broke?
45:34But what did you...
45:35I mean, did he...
45:42That better be brand new.
45:45Monday morning, Harry Goldenblatt did his best to make sure Bunny didn't hop all over Charlotte.
45:51Mrs. McDougal is willing to offer her son's collection of mint condition silver buffalo coins.
45:57Can we get off the coin collection?
45:58She's not going to settle for a coin collection.
46:00Well, according to the prenup...
46:03This is ridiculous.
46:03Trey gave me that apartment.
46:06She gave him her word till death do them part.
46:11Bunny, if you have something to say to me, just...
46:12Fine.
46:13I shall.
46:14I strongly recommend we focus...
46:16Alan, hush.
46:17You, my dear, took a vow.
46:19And when things didn't go your way, you simply broke that vow.
46:22I come from a generation of women that valued marriage.
46:25We believed in for better or for worse.
46:27Not for better or until the road gets rocky.
46:31When I think of the heartache and shame you caused, my dear boy,
46:38I'm amazed that you could even come here and look me in the face.
46:41Charlotte couldn't fight anymore.
46:42It seemed to her she'd been fighting for this marriage forever.
46:47Be advised, young lady, I'm more than prepared to go to court.
46:54It's the coin collection.
46:56Take it or leave it.
46:57Just hold on.
46:58Apparently our office just received a telegram from Scotland from Dr. McDougal.
47:02Shall I read it?
47:03By all means.
47:06Charlotte York was a wonderful wife.
47:08Stop.
47:09She did nothing wrong.
47:10Stop.
47:11Give her everything she wants.
47:13Stop.
47:14Seriously, Mother.
47:16Stop.
47:18That's the thing about reviews.
47:20Sometimes, when you least expect it, you get a rave.
47:27Just the apartment.
47:29I'll have papers drawn up so Mrs. McDougal can transfer the deed.
47:33Even though things had gotten ugly,
47:35Charlotte didn't want them to end that way.
47:37I'm sorry things didn't work out better.
47:39For all of us.
47:42Alan.
47:45Charlotte realized there was no such thing as a fairy tale divorce either.
47:49Ding dong, the witch is dead.
47:57And farther uptown, still unable to let it go,
48:00Nina Katz and that face had driven me to face my worst fear.
48:04So, Steve, I know I was kind of vague on the phone.
48:07It's Miranda, right?
48:08She doesn't want me calling so much, right?
48:09It's fine, whatever.
48:10No, no, no.
48:11It's not about Miranda.
48:12It's about...
48:15How does Aiden feel about me?
48:17Ah, jeez.
48:18No.
48:19You're not going to try to get back together with him again, are you?
48:21Um, no.
48:22But that pretty much answers any question I had about how you feel.
48:28So, what?
48:29Does he hate me?
48:30No, but come on, Carrie.
48:31I mean, it was pretty bad.
48:33How bad, Steve?
48:35Steve, the ball.
48:37Sorry.
48:38So, how is he now?
48:39Great.
48:40He's great.
48:41Good.
48:42He's great.
48:44Now.
48:46But back then, back then he couldn't get out of bed for like...
48:51What, days, weeks?
48:53Like a month.
48:54I brought him chicken wings.
48:55Oh, Christ.
48:56Look, I don't mean to make you feel bad.
48:58Well, a month?
49:01Yeah, he was devastated.
49:02I mean, he lost his ability to open up and trust women.
49:08He lost his ability to open up and trust women?
49:12Did he tell you that?
49:13No.
49:14Guys don't talk about shit like that.
49:15We just ate wings.
49:16But the girl, Nina, he was dating.
49:17She told me that.
49:19Okay, we're looking for the cute pretzel, guys.
49:21How come you never wanted to cruise, guys, when I was available?
49:24This isn't about cruising.
49:25It's about clarity.
49:26That Nina Katz face chick is now hitting a little too close to...
49:28I want to find her and tell her my side of the breakup story.
49:31Why?
49:31You know what you and Aiden had.
49:33Yes, I know it, but she doesn't, and she's yip-yapping her version all over town.
49:36It only takes one bad review to cancel out all the good word of mouth.
49:40What do you think of Marcus?
49:42Nice.
49:43I mean, relationships are complicated.
49:44You can't reduce them to a face.
49:46I know that Aiden has feelings.
49:48Okay, stop.
49:49I am done.
49:52I've listened to you talk about Aiden for, what, ten blocks and two years, and I've been
49:58a wonderful audience.
49:59And I ask you about my Marcus, and all I get is nice?
50:04I'm sorry.
50:06I mean, Carrie, how many relationships have I been in since you've known me?
50:10Real or imaginary.
50:12Come on, your opinion means a lot to me.
50:15You're my Machiko Kakamatsok.
50:18So now what?
50:19You want me to review your relationship?
50:21Immediately, if not sooner.
50:22Okay, well, I like that he makes you happy.
50:29Carrie?
50:31Okay, one more time and you're officially stalking me.
50:35Hi, I'm Heather.
50:36Heather Graham, I know.
50:37I love you.
50:38I'm Stanford Blatch.
50:40Oh, sorry, Heather.
50:41This is Carrie Bradshaw.
50:42Carrie Bradshaw, really?
50:48Okay, Nina, I need to talk to you for a second, alone, if I can.
50:53Miss Graham, may I buy you a pretzel?
50:56Okay.
50:57Give me one.
50:58A man or a pretzel?
50:59Whatever has less carbs, right?
51:05I get the sense that you have a sort of feeling about what happened with Aiden, and I just
51:11want to clear something up.
51:13Breakups are awful, and they are private, and they are not necessarily symptomatic of what
51:21two people had together.
51:23I loved Aiden very much, and I would never, ever have done anything to deliberately hurt
51:28him.
51:30Okay.
51:31Suddenly, I realized that the critic I was most afraid of wasn't Nina Katz.
51:35It was me.
51:37So.
51:40Bye.
51:42The truth is, at any given moment, someone, somewhere, could be making a face about you.
51:48Bye.
51:50But it's the reviews you give yourself that matter.
51:53So I get over there with Heather Graham, and I'm like, shit, what do we have to talk
51:56about?
51:57Be pretty.
51:58I know, but we have nothing to talk about but pretzels.
52:01Okay, so I said.
52:05So I said, have you ever been to Bavaria?
52:07They make the best pretzels there.