- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:05Someone once said that two halves make a whole.
00:11And when two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff.
00:17Hey, what's...
00:18Hey Pop-Tart, where you been and what you been to?
00:20I got coffee and on the papers, but I think the more pressing question is...
00:25What have you been doing?
00:27Made myself an area.
00:28Yes, I can see that.
00:30I needed a space for work papers and stuff, you know, so...
00:33Is that okay?
00:34Yeah, sure, yes, it's just...
00:37You know, you're blocking the bathroom door.
00:38Yeah, well, you got another one who needs two bathroom doors.
00:41I do. Me.
00:42Me, the one who loves her two bathroom doors.
00:45What do you need two doors for?
00:46Well, because, you know, sometimes I'm in a hurry and it's just quicker to go, bing, out that one.
00:49And it's my escape route in case.
00:51In case what?
00:52In case rapists come in my bedroom window, I see them in the mirror, and then bing, I'm gone.
00:56There's a whole lot of bing, a wing going on in that bathroom.
01:00Hey, it's just gonna be like this until we're able to take over the apartment next door, then we can
01:04load the stuff in.
01:05And would that be happening in the next five minutes, please God?
01:09Closing at the end of next week.
01:12Oh! Hello, Petey.
01:14Really, what's the problem, right? It's just boxes, right?
01:18A plant.
01:20The man brought a living thing into my apartment.
01:22I don't do plants. I kill everything I bring in there.
01:24You said yes to moving in. The guy moved in.
01:26But he's taking over whole areas.
01:28This is why I've never lived with a man.
01:30This and the fact that I want them out an hour after I climax.
01:34You let them stay a whole hour?
01:35You'd be surprised how many are ready to go again after a quick catnap.
01:38And there's no walls, you know. There's nowhere to hide.
01:40As soon as I walk in the door, he's all up in my face with,
01:42Who'd you see? Where'd you go? Who'd you meet? What do you know?
01:45What I know is, I need time to decompress. Just be alone.
01:50But Carrie, there are gonna have to be some adjustments. Relationships are hard.
01:53You guys, I miss walking into my apartment with no one there, and it's all quiet.
01:59And I can do that stuff you do when you're totally alone.
02:03Things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do.
02:07Like masturbate?
02:08My SSB. My secret single behavior.
02:10Like, I like to make a stack of saltines. I put grape jelly on them.
02:15I eat them standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines.
02:18Why standing up?
02:19It's weird, but it just feels great.
02:22I like to put Vaseline on my hands and put them in those Borghese conditioning gloves while watching infomercials.
02:28Before I was married, I used to study my pores in a magnifying mirror for an hour each night.
02:33But I'm afraid Trey will just think it's weird.
02:35Well, he would. You can't do that stuff in front of men.
02:38What about you, Lolita? Anything you do you wouldn't want a man to see?
02:42No.
02:43You know I believe her.
02:46Her.
02:47Hey, did we make a rule about those things at lunch?
02:50It's my boss. I have to take it.
02:53Samantha Jones?
02:54Richard, it's Sunday.
02:57Fine.
02:58I'll see you in an hour.
03:01He wants me to drop something off this afternoon.
03:04Nice.
03:04A little skyrockets in flight? Afternoon delight?
03:08No, it's just work.
03:10Hardly. You're sleeping with them.
03:12You told them?
03:13I also like to gossip on the phone while secretly promising my calluses.
03:17So how is he?
03:18And spare no detail. I'm a horny pregnant person.
03:20I don't want to talk about it.
03:22Woo!
03:24Samantha likes a guy.
03:26Samantha likes a guy.
03:27I do not.
03:28You do, you do, or you would tell us all the dirty details.
03:31Oh my God, we're gonna have to ice skate home. Hell just froze over.
03:35Okay. You want details? Okay.
03:40He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen.
03:43Long, pink, amazing.
03:47It's dickalicious.
03:49Alright, so what should I do about Aiden's stuff?
03:53I'm gonna have the girls over for dinner.
03:56Sounds like fun. What night?
03:58Just the girls.
04:00I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get my day planner back together.
04:02I just have so much more free time now that we're no longer on the baby track.
04:05Some apartments are cluttered with physical stuff.
04:07Others, emotional stuff.
04:09It's a big readjustment.
04:11I've wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl.
04:13I mean, we have a baby room and no baby.
04:17Well, I've got some good news.
04:20Bram Pomander thinks he's snagged us orchestra seats to the producers next week.
04:28Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed.
04:31But life goes on.
04:32We still have to find a way to have a giggle.
04:35Come on.
04:36Give me a smile.
04:41I don't understand.
04:42I don't understand.
04:43I don't understand.
04:43I don't understand.
04:44Tell me something.
04:44Please.
04:4650%.
04:47Hold on.
04:48Potential investors in Munich.
04:49I wish I knew how to say fuck you in German.
04:51Fick me.
04:52Fick me.
04:56Impressive.
04:57Why do you speak German?
04:59A gal has her reasons.
05:01Come to think of it, that wasn't fuck you, it was fuck me.
05:03That's a negotiation ploy I haven't tried before.
05:05Who are you kidding?
05:06So where's that?
05:07Where's the layout for the LA Magazine spreadsheet?
05:08Sign sealed.
05:10Delivered.
05:11And one more thing.
05:15It was perfect.
05:17Long.
05:18Pink.
05:19Amazing.
05:22I thought about you all weekend.
05:27Well, let me see if I can give you something to think about all evening.
05:33Bring out that gorgeous dick.
05:35You're going to get down on your knees right here.
05:38What if my assistant should see you?
05:44Oops.
05:46I dropped my portfolio.
05:50That may take some time to pick up.
06:15If you'd have known you were going to turn out to be so not a loser, I would have run
06:18home after work and changed.
06:20Or at least put on some fresh deodorant, yeah?
06:23Oh, ow!
06:25Careful.
06:26You know, I was a much younger man when we started trying to set up this blind date.
06:29Well, you're the one who kept canceling to go to...
06:32Where were you?
06:33First time, Spain and Rome.
06:35Second time, Luxembourg and Athens.
06:37Walker Lewis, fluent in five languages,
06:40traveled the world as a State Department interpreter.
06:43Seriously, Miranda.
06:44Best blind date I have ever had.
06:47In the continental USA.
07:02What?
07:04Listen, any reason I can't see you again before I go to Brussels?
07:10He is so cute and funny and sexy,
07:13and I really want to have sex with him, but I don't know.
07:16Is it okay to fuck with him?
07:26I rarely heard that used as a plus, but go on.
07:28It's just, is it tacky?
07:30And beyond tacky, is it safe?
07:32Let's assume he's a really great fuck.
07:34Because so many men are.
07:36Could all that poking shake the baby loose or something?
07:39No, that's silly.
07:41Married couples have sex all the time, but...
07:44What if he's huge?
07:45Again, because so many men are.
07:47Could the dick dent the baby?
07:49Where do you think dimples come from?
07:51Oh, that is so cute.
07:53I try.
07:54Okay, I really need to have sex with him now.
07:57Next time he comes back in town, I'll be too big and he won't want to.
08:01I think he puts a man off sex, like pregnancy.
08:05This is my last chance.
08:08Last chance for sex.
08:10You're not on death row.
08:11Yes, I am.
08:12Dead woman fucking.
08:14Miranda, it's your body, your life.
08:15You do what's best for you.
08:16Easier said than done.
08:18You can't even ask Aiden not to talk when you walk in the front door.
08:23Hi, Mrs. Cohen.
08:24All right, let me...
08:25Oh, come on a second.
08:25Here, let me help you.
08:27Hold on.
08:28Here we go.
08:30Hello.
08:31Okay.
08:31That's a crazy outfit.
08:34Okay.
08:36Mrs. Cohen, this is my friend Miranda.
08:38Hello, Mrs. Cohen.
08:42Listen, you tell your boy I'm not leaving for 30 days.
08:46What?
08:47But we're closing in a week.
08:50Read the contract.
08:52I didn't think Mrs. Cohen could move any slower.
08:56But apparently, she could.
09:00Hey, gal.
09:01What's up?
09:02Where you been?
09:03What do you know?
09:09Brace yourself, partner.
09:10I've been outside.
09:12And what's up?
09:13Is old lightning rod next door informs me she will not be leaving for 30 days.
09:21I was afraid she was going to do that.
09:23Fuck!
09:25Fuck!
09:26What the fuck are we going to fucking do now?
09:29Oh!
09:31Thank you!
09:32You hate it, too.
09:33I'm so relieved.
09:35I thought you'd already changed into a pod.
09:38Invasion of the single snatchers.
09:41Of course, I hate it.
09:43I cannot live like this.
09:47I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall.
09:49You can't get in a fucking door.
09:50I know.
09:51Did you see me?
09:52Every time.
09:53Every single time.
09:54We got to get this stuff out of here.
09:55We could make some room for it if we cleaned out your closet.
10:02Careful!
10:03Okay.
10:04Damn, my ears.
10:06Listen to me.
10:07I have laid out clean towels on the floor of the bathroom.
10:11Gently placed the shoes and boxes on them.
10:19Oh.
10:21Wow.
10:22I forgot I had these.
10:24These things are looking up.
10:26How many pairs of shoes does one person need?
10:28That is not the way to get out of this alive.
10:31I figure I'm going to need about half this space.
10:35I figure you've got mentally ill.
10:37What?
10:37You never wear most of this stuff?
10:38Yet.
10:39I never wear most of this stuff yet.
10:41Someday I will.
10:43Oh, like, uh, like this?
10:46When and where were you planning to wear this?
10:50Don't do that.
10:51Don't mark the clothes.
10:53And for the record, have worn it.
10:56December 99, Union Square, book signing.
11:00You've got to start somewhere.
11:02Oh, come on.
11:03I love this outfit.
11:05That's when I realized I was holding on to a Roberto Cavalli outfit and throwing away my relationship.
11:12Okay, it goes.
11:13Good.
11:14Bye-bye.
11:21Pete!
11:22Pete!
11:23Hey, hey, Pete!
11:25Stop it!
11:26Pete, stop it!
11:27Pete!
11:28Pete!
11:29Hey!
11:30Oh, my God!
11:31Don't show it to me.
11:32Don't even show it to me.
11:34I think I saw turquoise.
11:36That better not be the pair, I think.
11:39Oh, God damn it!
11:41That dog owes me $380.
11:45Fine.
11:46You can't buy it.
11:47It's circa 1996.
11:49God damn it!
11:51It's a dog.
11:51What's he supposed to do?
11:52All your shit lying around here.
11:54My shit wouldn't be lying around if we weren't making room because your shit is lying around.
12:01You got more shit lying around than I got lying around.
12:03What?
12:03Look at this place!
12:05It's loaded with your shit.
12:06Just look at this bathroom.
12:08Look at all your shit in my bathroom.
12:11Who needs five almost empty speed stick deodorants?
12:15What are you, a crazy bag man?
12:17They're different smells.
12:18And, Musk, when have you ever worn Musk?
12:20I mean, look at this stuff.
12:21You got old razors, Rogaine.
12:25Wait a minute.
12:27You used Rogaine.
12:28I didn't know you needed it.
12:28It's preventative.
12:30But is your hair falling?
12:31I don't want to talk about it!
12:32It seems it's not only women who have secret single behavior.
12:36This is my stuff!
12:37Don't be going through my stuff!
12:38You were more than happy to go through my stuff.
12:40Oh, your stuff.
12:41Your bathroom.
12:42You always do that.
12:44You never want to let me in.
12:45I don't always do anything.
12:47And I have let you in.
12:50You're fighting with me about a stupid fucking outfit.
12:53Oh, shut up!
12:54It's Roberto Cavalli.
12:56I threw it away and I love it.
12:58What more do you want?
12:59Shut up!
13:00Shut up!
13:01Yes, shut up.
13:03Shut up.
13:04You're telling me to shut up.
13:05Please, just shut up.
13:08I am so sick of you and you're talking, talking, talking all the time.
13:11Don't you ever just shut up?
13:13I'm going to take a walk.
13:14No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
13:16I'm taking a walk.
13:18You can stay here with your boxes of shit and your shoe-eating dog and you can knock yourself
13:23out, putting on the Rogaine and the speed stick.
13:29This is why I need a second door.
13:34I heard that!
13:38I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious
13:43posers.
13:44Now, I know.
13:45They're people who have recently moved in with someone.
13:48As I looked around, I wondered how many of them were mid-fight, like myself.
13:53The hard thing about fighting in relationships as opposed to Madison Square Garden, no referee.
13:59There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt or when to go to your separate
14:03corners.
14:03As a result, someone usually gets hurt.
14:07And it seems the closer a couple gets and the more stuff they have between them, the harder
14:11it is to figure out exactly why they are yelling.
14:14When it comes to relationships, I couldn't help but wonder, what are we fighting for?
14:23Hello, my darling.
14:25I'm home.
14:31What are you...
14:32Is that a surprise for me?
14:34Yes, it is.
14:35I don't get all excited.
14:36It's just a little silly something.
14:38What is it?
14:39Open it.
14:45It's a cardboard baby.
14:47I saw it in the window of a novelty store next to the hospital.
14:50See, now we can relax because we have one.
15:02Oh, dear.
15:03It was supposed to be funny.
15:05I thought we'd have a chuckle.
15:07Don't talk to me.
15:09See, it was a novelty store.
15:12The clerk said that they...
15:14But to Charlotte, it was definitely hitting below the belt.
15:18If the meat is about a quarter of an inch thick, um, it's ready right now.
15:22And across town, Miranda decided it was time to put on the gloves and come out swinging.
15:27That's about an inch thick.
15:28Leave a message.
15:29Hi.
15:30Walker.
15:31Miranda.
15:32Before you leave for Brussels on Monday, how about getting together Friday night?
15:35My apartment.
15:36Call me.
15:37Pregnant or not, Miranda had needs and decided to stop fighting them.
15:41Now, if you like it spicy, add some of those...
15:44And surprisingly, Samantha developed some secret single behavior of her own.
15:57Seven hours and a landslide of lattes later, I vibrated home prepared to admit how silly
16:03I'd been.
16:10That was until he wasn't prepared to admit how silly he'd been.
16:23He yelled, then I yelled.
16:26It's been three days and nothing.
16:28Not a word.
16:29And I'll be damned if I say I'm sorry first.
16:31Well, Trey and I hardly ever yell.
16:33We're wasps.
16:34Wasps don't yell.
16:35It's genetic.
16:36Would anyone like more salad?
16:37No.
16:38We're done.
16:38What's the main course?
16:39Hey, relax.
16:41Chew.
16:41You'll get laid.
16:42You're not meeting him till ten.
16:43And beef with Thai noodles.
16:45Oh.
16:45Richard is thinking of opening a hotel in Thailand.
16:51Sweetie, it's perfectly okay to like a guy.
16:54For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big, throbbing, rock-hard,
17:00perfect dick.
17:02Whoops.
17:03I forgot it was ladies' night.
17:05Trey, you're not supposed to be here.
17:07Good evening, everyone.
17:08Good evening.
17:09Hi.
17:10Hello, missus.
17:12I'm still mad, I see.
17:15Well, I suppose she told you about the baby.
17:17No, I didn't.
17:18I never want to think about it again.
17:20Well, see, I was trying to make Charlotte laugh, and...
17:25It's not funny.
17:26Well, wait a minute now.
17:27Maybe they'll think it's funny.
17:29See, we were so tense about not being able to have one that I gave Charlotte a cardboard
17:34baby.
17:35Isn't that funny?
17:41Carrie, you're funny.
17:44Cardboard baby, that's funny, right?
17:46I mean, it's not funny, ha-ha, but silly.
17:53See, they sell them in novelty stores, and other people buy them, and the clerk said that
17:59it was funny.
18:00You know what?
18:00Maybe you have to see it.
18:01Don't you bring that thing in here.
18:03It's silly.
18:03It's...
18:04Not to me, it isn't.
18:05How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cutout of a big flaccid penis?
18:09It's not so funny now, is it?
18:11Don't you bring that flat baby in here.
18:13I will kill you.
18:15How dare you talk to me like that in front of your friends.
18:17Oh, they know all about your penis problems, and they're just sick of hearing about it.
18:20There we were, right in the middle of a wasp nest.
18:23This is unforgivable.
18:23No, what's unforgivable is you denying me my baby because of your own selfish, spoiled
18:29needs.
18:29Well, I'm spoiled?
18:30Yes.
18:30You.
18:30You are spoiled.
18:32Ever since we moved back in here, it's been nothing but babies.
18:34Samantha Jones.
18:35What about me?
18:35What about you?
18:36You're a big baby.
18:37Hello.
18:39No, it's not too late.
18:41Everything but a baby.
18:42Um, we're gonna go.
18:44Good.
18:45Oh, don't you talk to my friends like that.
18:47Without a baby, they're all I have.
18:49And what am I?
18:49You are the man who gave me a cardboard baby.
18:53It was funny.
18:54No, it wasn't.
18:56Good night.
19:07Okay.
19:08What's so important that it couldn't wait until...
19:11Yes.
19:17Let's get something straight.
19:19I want no part of that.
19:21That turns everything into a big screaming mess.
19:24We are work and sex, nothing more.
19:28Now, kindly take off those pants and show me your dick.
19:41I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
20:01That's what I'm talking about.
20:25Seeing a bantamweight championship fight like Charlotte and Trey's made me feel thankful that Aiden and I were still in
20:31the banterweight division.
20:39That night, I slept in my clothes.
20:49Trey and his baby slept in the guest room.
20:52And Charlotte no longer cared what Trey thought.
21:02Fuck me.
21:04Fuck me like there's no tomorrow.
21:06Yeah.
21:07For her last meal, the condemned woman had seconds.
21:10Yeah.
21:11And thirds.
21:12Yeah.
21:15Samantha met the dawn after a night of SSB.
21:18Thanks.
21:18Sexy swimming behavior.
21:30Tell something.
21:32What did I say?
21:36I'm your boss.
21:39It's in order.
22:00You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees.
22:08I wouldn't do that.
22:14I'll tell you you're right when you want.
22:25Samantha finally threw in the towel.
22:27All this time, she'd been trying to make him just a perfect dick, fighting her feelings that he might be
22:34the perfect Richard.
22:49And back at the Bradshaw Shaw residence, it was pretty much business as usual.
22:53Hey, what's up?
22:55Where you been?
22:55Who'd you see?
23:07Buddy, I need you to do something.
23:10What?
23:13I've never lived with anybody before you, so I don't know how to say this correctly, but...
23:18I need you to not talk to me for one whole hour.
23:23I know that sounds pretty selfish, but it's just what I need.
23:28Is that okay?
23:29Mm-hmm.
23:30Okay, good.
23:32We don't have any other rooms yet, so I'm going to close these.
23:37And then it's like I'm not here.
23:40For one whole hour, I'm not here.
23:45Thanks.
23:47I love you.
24:18So what are you doing out here?
24:27That's the thing about needs.
24:29Sometimes, when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.
24:34As our 30 days were on, Aiden and I miraculously managed to not kill each other.
24:40But, as I predicted...
24:43The plant was not so lucky.
25:04One of the best things about New York is that on any given night, there are a million things to
25:09do.
25:11One of the worst things about New York is trying to pick one.
25:21Those floors next door, they were in worse shape than yours.
25:24Hey, you want me to see if I can get us into town?
25:27You know that restaurant in the Chambers Hotel with a period in the name?
25:30Town period?
25:31Supposed to be amazing?
25:33Exclamation point.
25:34You know what sounds amazing to me?
25:35What?
25:37Nice hot shower.
25:38Watching a game.
25:40Bucket of KFC.
25:42Mashed potatoes, biscuits.
25:44But it's Saturday night.
25:45It's finger looking good.
25:48K period, F period, C period.
25:59Well, it's about fucking time.
26:00Get over here and do me.
26:01Is that your standard greeting now?
26:03Oh, sorry.
26:04I thought it was Richard.
26:05That asshole said he called me back in five minutes.
26:07That was four hours ago.
26:08I've been waiting by the phone.
26:09Yeah, well, my dinner might be arriving in a bucket.
26:12Do you want to go out?
26:13Immediately.
26:13I'll conference in the other girls.
26:14You know how to do that.
26:15Well, how else do you have three-way phone sex?
26:17Oh, hello.
26:18Hey, what are you doing?
26:19York McDougal resident.
26:19It's for me.
26:20I've got it.
26:20Good for you.
26:22It's the first time we've talked today.
26:24We're going out.
26:25Who's on the phone?
26:26All of us.
26:27It's the future.
26:28Why are you guys calling me so late?
26:30It's 7.30.
26:31Were you asleep?
26:32I'm pregnant.
26:33I'm always asleep.
26:33These are my last months of freedom,
26:34and I'm spending them in bed.
26:36Just don't spend them alone in bed.
26:37I'm a lost cause.
26:38Go on without me.
26:39Save yourselves.
26:40No, we're all going.
26:41We have to shake things up before we officially become boring.
26:45I said we go dancing.
26:46I'm here.
26:47Let's go dancing.
26:48Okay, but not somewhere I'm going to feel worse about myself
26:50when no one's interested because I'm fat.
26:51You're not fat.
26:52You're pregnant.
26:53Yeah, that'll have men lining up at the door.
26:54I know exactly where we should go.
26:58That night, we finally answered the age-old question.
27:01Where are all the hot guys?
27:03Well, the hot gay guys.
27:08They were at the hot gay club, Trace.
27:13I feel like we don't belong here.
27:15That's because we're wearing shirts.
27:17Seriously.
27:18Why do straight men have bodies like this?
27:21Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym.
27:24If straight men had that, they'd be working out all the time, too.
27:26I've had sex at the gym.
27:28See, Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses.
27:30All right, I'm going to the ladies' room.
27:32Oh, me too.
27:32I bet there's no line.
27:34Oh, so wait.
27:35We'll meet you at the bar?
27:35At the bar.
27:37Dark.
27:39Dark.
27:40Dark.
27:41Good.
27:42It's Anthony.
27:43Hi.
27:43Fucking Christ.
27:44What the hell are you doing here?
27:45Oh, we're just shaking things up.
27:47You remember Carrie?
27:48Hi.
27:48What were you almost wearing?
27:49Uh-huh, sister.
27:50Dagmar Wonderwear.
27:51Look into it.
27:52Are we going to dance?
27:53Oh, this is my friend Gordon.
27:54He's a design editor for House and Garden.
27:56Oh, my God.
27:57I love that magazine.
27:59I used to wear my mother's pearls and flip through them when I was little.
28:02Me too.
28:03Hey, I've got a great before apartment if you're looking for an after.
28:06You should see Char's apartment.
28:07It's Park Avenue.
28:08It's so frigging gorgeous.
28:09Well, we're doing a big urban issue this spring.
28:11Maybe I should check it out.
28:12Oh, my God.
28:13If my apartment could be in H&G magazine, I would be in heaven.
28:17You are pretty.
28:18You want to dance?
28:20Oh, no way.
28:24So how long have you worked there?
28:26Well, I get them all wound up.
28:27She cashes in.
28:28Oh, you two together?
28:29No, but I'm hoping we will be around 3.30.
28:31Oh, you're 30.
28:32Dance?
28:33No, I'm good.
28:34You kids go have fun.
28:35Okay.
28:36Okay.
28:36Watch out for the fairies.
28:38Which one?
28:42Attention, gentlemen.
28:43Lady presents.
28:44Sorry.
28:46There's no ladies' room because, yeah.
28:50Oh, excuse me.
28:51Thanks.
28:57I don't know what he said.
28:58What am I going to tell you?
28:59John Lowe's here?
29:00What am I going to say?
29:01Don't mind me, fellas.
29:02Just looking.
29:04It's kind of like being a diabetic at Vaston Robbins.
29:07Sir, I have...
29:10Hello?
29:11Excuse me, hey.
29:13Over here.
29:14Hello?
29:16Anybody?
29:17Hello?
29:20What do you need?
29:21A penis, evidently.
29:23I'm trying to order a dirty martini.
29:25Kurt, a dirty martini for the lovely and talented Carrie Bradshaw.
29:30Oliver Spencer.
29:31Hello.
29:32I've only been in the state six months, and I've come to regard your column as my New York
29:35survival guy.
29:36Oh, Oliver.
29:38You're a dead man.
29:38I have no idea what I'm talking about.
29:40Oh.
29:41What do you do?
29:42I'm a shoe distributor.
29:43It would be cruel to kid me.
29:45All the top lines.
29:46Officers here, Sydney, and Milan.
29:48So, then you get a discount?
29:51For special friends and columnists.
29:56Cheers.
29:57Cheers to you.
29:58Hello, what's this?
30:00What?
30:00What?
30:02Oh, this.
30:03I keep forgetting I'm engaged.
30:05You don't go off the market.
30:07You're my dating guru.
30:08I'm still allowed to see other gays.
30:10Then you must allow me to take you to brunch.
30:12I'll give you my card.
30:13All right.
30:13Can you hold this for a moment?
30:14Sure.
30:15Thanks.
30:15What's this a goodie bag?
30:17Of course.
30:17I was at a film release party earlier.
30:20Jocks and Cocks 4.
30:22I was told it was a Merchant Library film.
30:24Now, would I be able to enjoy this if I miss Jocks and Cocks 1, 2, and 3?
30:27Yes, but you'd want to see those eventually very important films.
30:35Max.
30:36Hey.
30:37Hi.
30:37Max was a junior associate at Miranda's law firm and apparently gay.
30:42I had no idea.
30:44I had no idea you were a gay man either.
30:47I'm here with friends and there's no ladies room because, yeah.
30:52Listen, Miranda, I'd kind of prefer if we didn't make an issue out of this at work.
30:58I'm not in the closet.
30:59I just wouldn't want the older partners to start treating me differently.
31:03Oh, I totally understand.
31:04And between you and me, I'm pregnant.
31:07And on wed.
31:08Perhaps you should spend less time in gay clubs.
31:11Well, it's actually good for you.
31:13Well, remains to be seen.
31:14Anyhow, I haven't told anybody at work because goodbye to all the good cases
31:18and then it's only a matter of time before the buzzards start vying for my office.
31:22Well, it is a very nice office.
31:23Good.
31:27Let's go.
32:02Oh, what did I miss?
32:03I peed in a men's room and outed a co-worker.
32:06I got a phone number and some porn.
32:08I saw two dicks and took a hit of X.
32:10To think that I almost slept through this.
32:12I can't believe you took ecstasy from a stranger.
32:15It wasn't a stranger. It was a friend of my friend, Bobby's friend Bobby.
32:18Oh, well, then you know it's safe.
32:20Will we be going to a rave later?
32:21No, but I might have to drop it on Richard.
32:23Sex on X is supposed to be amazing.
32:25It releases all of your inhibitions.
32:27You have inhibitions?
32:29Oh, my God, look.
32:33Three dicks and counting.
32:35They say opposites attract.
32:38What they fail to mention is that opposites also tend to have opposite views
32:42on what constitutes a rockin' Saturday night.
32:53Hey.
32:55How was your night?
32:58I've got a goodie bag.
33:01Know what's in it?
33:02Hmm.
33:03Oh, come on.
33:04I had to fight a forerter for it.
33:08Come here.
33:11Just tuck in here and...
33:14Let's go to sleep.
33:16I'm not tired yet.
33:17You will be.
33:18Shh.
33:20Hey, you.
33:21I had five cocktails.
33:29I danced with a lot of fine, half-naked men.
33:36If you were to wake up right now,
33:38I can almost guarantee
33:40you would be in for some F-U-M.
33:52I ate too much chicken, I think.
33:56It's...
33:56You rub my belly, baby.
34:00I know it was wrong to compare,
34:02but I felt like I had spent the evening in a Calvin Klein ad,
34:05and now I was back to baseball buckets and BVDs.
34:10Meanwhile, Samantha was having excellent sex.
34:17That was amazing.
34:20You were amazing.
34:22I love you, Richard.
34:25I'm in love with you.
34:28You told him you loved him?
34:30It was the ex talking.
34:32All I wanted to do was to have sex.
34:34Okay, okay, and then...
34:36What did he say?
34:37Nothing.
34:37He just went to sleep.
34:39Oof.
34:39Well, is it possible he didn't hear you?
34:41No, he heard me.
34:42Can I get a fucking cam?
34:44If he was any kind of gentleman at all,
34:46he'd pretend.
34:47It never happened.
34:48But you did have sex, right?
34:50Well, of course we had sex.
34:52Aiden and I didn't.
34:53He fell asleep, and I watched gay porn.
34:55That's what happens when people say,
34:57I love you.
34:58So do you love him?
34:59Oh!
35:00Who the hell knows?
35:01Maybe the ex knows.
35:02Carrie.
35:03It makes you giddy.
35:04I was in love with the taxi driver,
35:06the doorman,
35:07his sweater.
35:08But you only said it to Richard.
35:10I am never taking an ex again.
35:11It is a dangerous, dangerous drug.
35:14That afternoon,
35:15I was high on another feel-good drug.
35:17The new gay friend.
35:19Could you be more fantastic?
35:20And they say you can't meet men in bars.
35:22Well, that was true for me last night.
35:24I went to trade hoping to meet someone new,
35:25but just to share it,
35:26because I've got a boyfriend sitting.
35:27Huh.
35:28And the only person I met was you.
35:30Not that I'm disappointed.
35:32And your boyfriend doesn't mind
35:33if you date other men?
35:34Not date.
35:35Have sex.
35:36Oh, right, right.
35:38The international gay rules.
35:39Absolutely.
35:40Blowjobs only.
35:41No last names.
35:42The gym is a free space,
35:43and never, ever show up at the same place
35:46wearing the same shirt.
35:47Then I just crossed over
35:48into a whole other set of rules.
35:49Well, you've certainly worked out
35:50a lot more options than
35:51Till Death Do Us Part.
35:52That's all we've come up with,
35:53and frankly,
35:54I find it a little limiting.
35:55I know gay couples who are monogamous.
35:58But I'm a realist.
36:00I don't expect to get everything
36:01from one man,
36:02but I guess I shouldn't be saying this
36:04to someone wearing a ring.
36:06What's with you in this ring?
36:07What's with you in the ring?
36:09You haven't even mentioned him.
36:10Aiden.
36:11What's Aiden like?
36:13He's very tall.
36:17And incredibly kind.
36:22And handsome.
36:23So why would you leave that
36:25if I'm on a Saturday night?
36:26Well, he wanted to stay in
36:27and listen to sports
36:28with a bucket of chicken.
36:29Oh, he would have made my dad
36:30so proud.
36:32Have you been to Bungalow yet?
36:34No, but I hear it's a completely
36:35pretentious members-only
36:36tiny crowded club
36:37that you need a key to get into.
36:39I have a key.
36:39When are we going?
36:42Well, if it isn't
36:43little Carrie Bradshaw.
36:45Young Stanford.
36:47How are you?
36:48At the moment, confused.
36:51Who's this?
36:52Oh, Oliver Spencer.
36:53Stanford Blatch.
36:54Pleasure to meet you.
36:55I don't mean to be rude,
36:56but I must go to the men's room.
36:57Oh.
36:58Oh, I've just been.
36:59You'll love it.
36:59Really?
37:01I'll be right here.
37:02I'll be right back.
37:05So?
37:06Yes?
37:07I saw the way you were behaving.
37:09You're sleeping
37:11with the beautiful man.
37:12The beautiful man
37:13is gay.
37:15Damn.
37:16An accent always throws me.
37:18He's only been in New York
37:18for about six months.
37:20I picked him up.
37:21Betrayed.
37:22You went to shirtless heaven
37:24without me?
37:24It wasn't the same.
37:26I was prepared to lose you
37:27to Aiden, but...
37:28but this...
37:29Is just brunch.
37:31I'm green with envy.
37:32Yes, you are.
37:33Fine.
37:34Have your beautiful brunch
37:35with your beautiful man
37:36and then go home
37:37to your other beautiful man.
37:39Greedy, greedy, greedy.
37:42Later, I started to think
37:43about restlessness
37:44and relationships.
37:45Once we found
37:46what we've been searching for,
37:47why are some of us
37:48reluctant to let go
37:49of our single selves?
37:51Is single life in New York
37:52such a constant flurry
37:54of fun and friends
37:55that settling down
37:56immediately fills us
37:57with the urge
37:58to shake things up again?
37:59And why does becoming
38:00part of a couple
38:01imply settling down?
38:03Maybe Oliver does have
38:04the key in that
38:04we shouldn't expect
38:05to get everything
38:06from one man,
38:07but instead feel comfortable
38:08getting different things
38:09from different people.
38:10Although at what point
38:12do separate interests
38:13become separate bedrooms?
38:14I couldn't help but wonder,
38:16to be in a couple,
38:17do you have to put
38:18your single self
38:19on a shelf?
38:20Meanwhile,
38:21Miranda's workaholic
38:22single self
38:23was a thing of the past.
38:24Now she was sleeping
38:25for two.
38:26It's finally happening.
38:28Stern Hawkins Erickson
38:30is moving into
38:31the future.
38:32Excuse me?
38:33What?
38:33We're moving?
38:34Casual Friday.
38:36The entire partnership
38:37finally okayed it.
38:39Finally.
38:39I have been working on this
38:40for what,
38:41two years now?
38:42Oh, right.
38:43Well, great.
38:45Yeah, thanks.
38:48And congratulations.
39:06Did you tell Celeste
39:08I was pregnant?
39:09Okay, yes.
39:11But only in your defense.
39:13What?
39:14This morning,
39:15she was telling everyone
39:16how she saw you
39:16sleeping under your desk
39:17a couple of times
39:18and that you might be
39:18an alcoholic or bipolar
39:19or something.
39:20So you told her
39:20I was pregnant?
39:22Isn't that better?
39:22No, not at a law firm.
39:24No.
39:25Sorry.
39:26I told her it was a secret.
39:27She can't keep a secret.
39:29She's probably told
39:30everybody in the office
39:30by now.
39:31How would you like it
39:32if I told everybody
39:33in the office
39:33that you were gay?
39:35Casual Friday has arrived.
39:41Great.
39:42Maybe next you can
39:43call my grandparents.
39:49It's just gay porn.
39:51What was your first clue?
39:52You said we were
39:53watching an independent film.
39:54I brought biscotti.
39:55Oh, relax.
39:56I've watched it already
39:56and I'm telling you
39:58this is really funny.
40:00See, that's the way
40:01to do it.
40:02No, I love you.
40:03Just good old fashioned
40:04fuck it.
40:04I am not in the mood
40:06for gay porn.
40:11Not in the mood
40:12for gay porn?
40:13Don't you want
40:13to know how it ends?
40:14House and Garden
40:15wants to shoot
40:15my apartment
40:16and I told Trey
40:17and he doesn't even care.
40:18We turned off porn
40:19to talk about a magazine?
40:20Biscotti, please.
40:22He never cares
40:23about what I want.
40:24Anthony
40:24is more excited
40:26about it than Trey is.
40:27That's because gay men
40:28understand what's important.
40:29Clothes, compliments
40:30and cocks.
40:31And clubs.
40:32Oliver's taking me
40:33to Bungalow 8 tomorrow night.
40:36Sounds like you're cheating
40:37on Aiden with a gay man.
40:38Oh, no, that's allowed.
40:39Gay boyfriends
40:40are the loophole
40:41of monogamy.
40:42My gay boyfriend
40:42outed me at work.
40:43Then I outed him.
40:44Even my gay relationships
40:46are dysfunctional.
40:47Okay, here's the problem.
40:48Aiden loves to stay in
40:49and I love to go out.
40:51And he's fine with that.
40:52It's either
40:52the greatest relationship ever
40:54or we're headed
40:56for separate bedrooms
40:57like me.
40:58We're in completely
40:59different places.
41:01And Trey's content
41:02with what we have.
41:03Therefore, I am a bad person
41:05for needing to have a baby.
41:06You're not a bad person.
41:07You're a person with needs.
41:09This is making me depressed.
41:10Let's just watch that movie.
41:11Thought you'd never ask.
41:13Give me some of that.
41:14Oh!
41:15Ah!
41:18The next morning,
41:19Samantha and Richard
41:20were taking care of business
41:21but not each other.
41:23I am not doing
41:24any more charity crap
41:25if we can't get publicity.
41:26Steve Martin's there
41:27and he's the fucking
41:28toast of New York.
41:29He's the toast
41:29of the New Yorker.
41:30There's a difference.
41:34Are we going to talk
41:35about this?
41:36About what?
41:38That thing
41:38I said the other night.
41:43Samantha,
41:44you were high on X.
41:47Believe me,
41:47I've been there.
41:49Oh!
41:50Good!
41:52Okay then.
41:54Once Richard made it clear
41:55that her I love you
41:56didn't matter,
41:57Samantha realized
41:58she was secretly wishing
41:59it did.
42:00So you're yelling
42:01at the Times?
42:01I already did.
42:03Did you need something else?
42:04No.
42:07She wanted to tell him
42:08that it wasn't just
42:09the drug talking
42:10at night,
42:10but she put her real feelings
42:12on the shelf.
42:13Fuck you at my place
42:14around 8 o'clock?
42:15Sounds good.
42:19And since it was
42:20Casual Friday,
42:22Miranda and Max
42:22decided to come out
42:23of the closet
42:24with their casual clothes.
42:25Miranda shelved
42:26her work concerns
42:27and showed up
42:28as a proud
42:28single mother-to-be.
42:30And Max showed up
42:31as a proud gay man
42:32with a sense of style.
42:33But when Stern,
42:34Hawkins,
42:34and Erickson
42:35saw Max's sense
42:36of style,
42:36that was the end
42:37of Casual Friday.
42:45Pretty.
42:47They're for the
42:47photo shoot tomorrow.
42:49Oh.
42:51They're coming at 10,
42:52so would you please
42:53move your stuff
42:53out of the guest room?
42:55Are they photographing
42:56the guest room?
42:57I don't know.
42:58It doesn't look very good
42:59with the sleeping
42:59separate bedrooms.
43:01No.
43:02No, it doesn't,
43:03does it?
43:04They want us to dress
43:05nicely, but not too formal.
43:08Why am I in the picture?
43:09Mm-hmm.
43:11They want to photograph
43:11both of us.
43:13Why?
43:15Because they think
43:16we're the perfect couple.
43:21I know.
43:24But I promised,
43:26and they're coming.
43:29I don't want to do this.
43:32It's just one picture.
43:34And it's important to me.
43:35No, this.
43:36I don't want to do this anymore.
43:39You are so angry at me.
43:43I'm sorry.
43:48I want a baby.
43:51I thought that's what you wanted to.
43:56I don't think I should have to give that up.
43:59I don't think I should have to give that up.
44:00You shouldn't.
44:03You can have the apartment.
44:05I'll move back in with Mother.
44:12Okay.
44:16Charlotte and Trey's separate interests
44:18had become more than separate bedrooms.
44:21They'd become a real separation.
44:25Meanwhile,
44:26I tried to find a way
44:27for my single self
44:28and my couple self
44:30to coexist.
44:33There you go.
44:35Hey.
44:35Hey.
44:37Yowza.
44:38Were you going all dressed up like that?
44:40I told you yesterday
44:41I was going out.
44:42You didn't say you were going all out.
44:43I have to see Bungalow 8.
44:45Oh, yeah?
44:45What's that?
44:45A play?
44:46No.
44:47It's a very hot club.
44:48It's important that I know
44:49about these things.
44:50Some people consider my column
44:52a New York survivor guide.
44:53What's going on here?
44:55It's just
44:57something I'm trying.
44:59It's closer to my heart this way.
45:01Oh.
45:05Who are you going out?
45:06With the girls?
45:07Oh, this guy.
45:08Oliver Spencer.
45:09A guy?
45:10He's gay.
45:12Oh, cool.
45:13Well, listen.
45:14I am done for the night.
45:16So,
45:17you want me to jump in the shower
45:18and come with?
45:19Oh,
45:19I don't know.
45:21I don't know
45:22if he can get us both in.
45:23What do you mean?
45:23We can get in anywhere.
45:24No, you need a key or something.
45:26A key?
45:26Give me a fucking break.
45:28See,
45:29that kind of attitude
45:30is not appreciated
45:31at Bungalow 8.
45:32Come on,
45:32carry a key.
45:33Why do you even buy into that shit?
45:34Let's just go out to dinner.
45:36I haven't seen you all week.
45:37Can't.
45:39I told Oliver.
45:40Oh,
45:40all right,
45:41all right,
45:41all right,
45:41all right.
45:42Hey,
45:42don't forget your key
45:43because, you know,
45:44we're very exclusive here
45:45and we might not let you back in.
45:48See,
45:49now I feel that.
45:50I basically discouraged him
45:51from coming.
45:52Oh, cool.
45:52And have him join us.
45:53Oh,
45:53this is so not his scene.
45:55Then you have to break it off.
45:57This is Bungalow 8, darling.
45:58Oh,
45:58you're right.
45:58What's a relationship
45:59compared to a night
46:00with trendy strangers?
46:01Oliver Spence on a date.
46:04I'm your date.
46:19I'm your date.
46:22other handsome gay men.
46:23You know,
46:24I just love those new Prada
46:25open-toe sandals.
46:26I think I can get you a pair of those.
46:27Really?
46:28What size?
46:29Eleven.
46:30So,
46:31Ollie,
46:31Ollie,
46:32is there anything to eat
46:34at Bungalow 8,
46:34or is food so very last year?
46:38Okay,
46:38it seems that you're
46:39in the middle of a spa session,
46:40so I'm good.
46:41You're going?
46:43You know,
46:44I left a gorgeous man at home
46:46to come here
46:47and be your date,
46:48and I'm guessing
46:49size 11 did as well,
46:50so I'm just not
46:52really sure
46:53why I'm here.
46:53Because you're fantastic,
46:55and I'm sorry
46:56I was neglecting you.
46:58I'm very bad.
47:01Kiss him,
47:01look up.
47:06Well,
47:06if it isn't Mr. and Mrs.
47:08Down Under.
47:09I've been so preoccupied
47:10with my gay boyfriend,
47:11I kept forgetting
47:12about my gay husband.
47:13You remember
47:14Stanford from brunch?
47:15Apparently,
47:16it was more than just brunch.
47:17Carrie,
47:18don't fall for him.
47:18He's just another pretty face.
47:20He doesn't love you
47:20like I love you.
47:21I knew this woman
47:22when she took the subway
47:23and wore candies.
47:25Candies?
47:25I assure you,
47:26I never wore candies.
47:27You wore pink suede candies,
47:29and I adored you anyway.
47:30And how dare you
47:31try to steal her away
47:32with your dreamy eyes
47:34and your probably
47:35fake accent?
47:36I'm sorry,
47:36I didn't realize
47:37the lady was spoken for.
47:38Well, she is.
47:39All right, then.
47:41Kiss him, Mike, up.
47:42And then I realized
47:43my single self-life
47:45had a shelf life,
47:46and it had just expired.
47:48Okay, I'm going.
47:49Okay.
47:50No, Carrie, stay.
47:51We only just got here.
47:54Dad, well,
47:55let me buy you another drink.
47:56No, it's fine.
47:57I just want to go home.
47:58And the surprising thing was,
48:00I did.
48:05Honey, I'm home.
48:11How was the bungalow?
48:15I'd say I'm better.
48:18Why do you own
48:18jocks and cocks for?
48:21More research for
48:23the survival guide.
48:24Really?
48:26What did you learn?
48:28What did you learn?
48:29What did you learn?
48:35Oh, yeah.
48:38Uh-huh.
48:39Give me some of that.
48:42Mmm.
48:42Big thank you to all our
48:43gay friends.
48:44Mmm.
48:47That's the thing about Manhattan.
48:48The most exclusive clubs
48:50only have a couple members,
48:52and they're very hard to find.
48:54The next morning,
48:55House and Garden
48:56came to Charlotte's house.
48:58It's fork, fork, knife, spoon.
49:00What are these people, crazy?
49:01This is perfect.
49:02Very Upper East Side,
49:03breakfast for two.
49:04I love this china.
49:05Me too.
49:05Thanks.
49:06It's our wedding china.
49:08Anthony,
49:09can I talk to you a minute?
49:16Is he cute or what?
49:17Mm-hmm.
49:18Um,
49:19Trey and I...
49:20He's splitting up.
49:21I knew it.
49:22Well, anyway,
49:23I don't think he's
49:24going to be in the picture,
49:25so should we just cancel?
49:26Cancel?
49:27Hello?
49:27H&G, House and Garden.
49:28Do it without him.
49:29Won't that look bad?
49:30Just me?
49:31It'll look beautiful.
49:32He may be the heart surgeon,
49:33but honey,
49:34you're the heart
49:34of this whole operation.
49:35Honestly,
49:36you're the best catch ever.
49:37Look what you did
49:37to this place.
49:39You could take
49:39any guy off the street,
49:41fix him up,
49:41and make him
49:42into something wonderful.
49:43Not for nothing,
49:44but you deserve more
49:45than that stick-up-his-ass preppy.
49:46That's all I'm saying.
49:47Now get in here
49:48and have breakfast.
49:51Gordon,
49:53it's just going to be...
49:53All righty.
49:54We ready for the picture?
49:57One minute.
50:02Trey,
50:02you don't have to...
50:05This is important to you.
50:06I at least want to do this.
50:09Handsome husband,
50:10beautiful wife,
50:13having breakfast.
50:18Smile.
50:19Trey had moved out
50:20by the time the magazine
50:21was on the stands.
50:22But all over America,
50:24little girls
50:24in their mother's pearls
50:25saw the picture
50:27and thought,
50:27that's what I want.
50:34That's the thing
50:35about relationships.
50:37Sometimes,
50:38they look prettier
50:39from the outside.
50:45And what's inside
50:46can be different
50:48than it seems.