- 2 days ago
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00:10I once met a man with a sense of adventure
00:14He was dressed a thrill wherever he went
00:17He said, let's make love on a mountaintop
00:21Under the stars on a big hard rock
00:24I said, in these shoes?
00:27I don't think so
00:29If you are single, there is one thing you should always take with you
00:32When you go out on a Saturday night
00:34Your friends
00:35Why are we walking so fast?
00:37Are we in that big of a hurry to get to an engagement party?
00:40What, don't you guys want to go?
00:41I did until I saw this invitation
00:43Yeah, let me see that again
00:45Two souls, one thought
00:46Wow, that is sappy
00:47That is totally not like Danny
00:48Must have been her idea
00:49Two souls, one pushy fiancé
00:51Oh, come on
00:52It's beautiful
00:53It's a big romantic gesture to express how they feel about each other
00:57If two people have only one thought between them, something is very wrong
01:00Oh, Cap
01:00I remember when Danny had more than one thought
01:03And they all involved going up my ass
01:05You had sex with Danny?
01:07Yeah, he's cute, straight, and we've known him for ten years
01:09Haven't we all had sex with Danny?
01:11Oh yeah, that one weekend that I was bored
01:13Just a New Year's Eve kiss
01:14I showed him a boob in a coat checkroom
01:16Just one?
01:17I sensed he couldn't commit
01:19Oh, okay, we're out of here
01:21Oh, baby lamb chops
01:24This is quite a spread
01:25Two souls, one big budget
01:28There he was, the fiancé du jour
01:31Hey, look who's here
01:33Congratulations
01:34Thanks
01:35And this is my other half, Haley
01:37Congratulations
01:37Haley, this is Carrie and Charlotte
01:41Miranda
01:41Oh, Miranda
01:42Oh, right
01:43Duh
01:44Sorry
01:45I'm just a little overwhelmed
01:47Danny
01:48Couldn't remember my name?
01:50Maybe you should have shown him both
01:52And across the room from the two soul couple
01:55I told the other numbnuts I wanted a great goose on the rocks a fucking hour ago
01:58Job, job
01:59A man with no soul
02:00So, Phil, what is it that you do?
02:03I'm a TV agent, and I fucking love it
02:06Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring
02:08Where's your husband?
02:10Oh, um
02:11He's not here
02:12Oh
02:13We're actually taking some time apart
02:15We're separated
02:16Not legally separated
02:17Nothing legal
02:18Oh, God, no
02:19We're just taking some time to figure things out
02:22We got married really fast
02:24Love at first sight
02:25Didn't think it through
02:26So now we're talking
02:28And trying to figure out what he
02:30Actually, we
02:31He and I
02:32Really want
02:33We love each other so much
02:36But that doesn't always mean a marriage is working, does it?
02:38No, it does not
02:40We had some problems in the bedroom
02:42But it was more about the fact that we got married so fast
02:46So now we're just talking and trying to figure things out
02:49Just talking
02:50Nothing physical
02:50I think it's better if we just talk
02:52So we are talking
02:54Until we figure it all out
02:55So now he's not here
02:57Oh, okay
02:59I have to
03:02Don't talk to her
03:04Charlotte realized that she and Trey were two souls with too many thoughts
03:09The minute we met
03:10The minute we met, it was perfect
03:11I knew we were meant to be together
03:13I could stop looking
03:14I had found him
03:16Congratulations
03:17What about you guys?
03:19Oh, well, I'm not dating anyone
03:21And what about you, Miranda?
03:22Seeing anyone special?
03:24Actually, no
03:24But I am seeing a whole bunch of unspecial guys
03:28That's one of the requirements to date me
03:30Are you special?
03:31Sorry, move along
03:32But if you have any unspecial friends
03:33Could you give them my number?
03:35I'm serious
03:36Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend
03:38Or maybe a houseplant
03:40I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?
03:42She's hilarious
03:48Hey, what the hell was going on in there?
03:50Felt like your little comedy routine
03:51Should have a two-drink minimum
03:52We were standing in a group of married or engaged women
03:55Just trying to avoid the pity party
03:57And here I thought it was a cocktail party
03:59We were the only single people in there
04:01Miranda
04:01We're the only single people anywhere
04:03Are you telling me that you didn't see all those
04:05Don't worry, you'll find someone looks?
04:09Nope, didn't see them
04:10Hey, society views single people our age as sad and pathetic
04:13And I don't need that judgment hanging over my head
04:16So I go on the offensive and I make them laugh
04:17Okay, Shecky
04:19You know what?
04:21Sometimes I think people in couples look at us
04:23And we're sad at our lives
04:24Nope
04:24We make them uncomfortable
04:26And they don't know what to say
04:27And you're sure you're not overreacting?
04:30Yeah
04:37Coming
04:40Good God
04:42Yes
04:46What are we doing?
04:48Good night, then
04:50Charlotte
04:51My God, I thought it was the four horsemen of the apocalypse
04:53I cannot go to any more parties until I know what we're going to do
04:57About what?
04:58Us!
05:01I've been out for hours trying to figure out if we should stay together in spite of our issues
05:04Look, I don't want to confuse you, so I made some notes
05:07You made some notes?
05:09Yeah, it helps me to be clear
05:10One
05:11Sex life
05:13Well, the sex we had on the floor of your apartment was quite good, actually
05:16One time
05:17That does not a marriage make
05:20Come inside
05:21Maybe we can rack up a new score
05:22Uh-uh
05:23Two
05:24You only want me when you can't have me
05:27Did you make a note in there that mentions how beautiful you look tonight?
05:35Oh, we have some big decisions to make
05:40Trey
05:43You have a boner
05:44Well, you were just so beautiful
05:46I cannot discuss my notes if you have a boner
05:49Come inside
05:49Oh, I cannot come inside
05:51We are separated
05:52Oh
05:55I have more notes
05:56I talk about you every night
05:58Here, take off your panties
06:00Don't
06:00Alrighty
06:04You said you didn't want to be married
06:06What?
06:07Now, I just, I don't know if I want to be married
06:09Oh
06:11Oh
06:12Oh
06:13Oh
06:13Oh
06:13Trey
06:13Are you
06:14Oh
06:16That night, neither Charlotte nor Trey came inside
06:23Not quite sure what to say
06:26I'm sorry, Charlotte, may I get you a hanky?
06:29It's too late for a hanky
06:32This isn't working
06:37Whatever this is we're doing
06:38It isn't working
06:47Just please stop calling me
06:50I'll call you when I've figured out what I want
06:53Charlotte, I love you
06:56Send me the dry cleaning bill
06:57Trey may have had a lot of flaws
06:59But bad manners wasn't one of them
07:08It was a lovely, uneventful Saturday morning
07:11Three lattes, two newspapers, and
07:16One dating service application
07:19Dear single
07:20Single? You don't even have a name?
07:22Well, I'm single. I don't deserve one
07:24That's the postal equivalent of a drive-by shooting
07:26Yeah, and I thought those 57 menus I get every day from Hunan Munan were annoying
07:30Look at this
07:30Don't let your soulmate slip away
07:33Oh, I know, it's almost a threat
07:34It's like we have him
07:35He's just waiting for you, but hurry
07:37Because he's slipping, slipping away
07:38Oops, there he goes
07:39Soulmates only exist in the hallmark aisle in Duane Reade Drugs
07:42I disagree
07:43I believe that there's that one perfect person out there to complete you
07:47And if you don't find him, what? You're incomplete? It's so dangerous
07:51Alright, first of all, the idea that there's only one out there
07:54I mean, why don't I just shoot myself right now?
07:57I like to think that people have more than one soulmate
07:59I agree, I've had hundreds
08:01Yeah, and you know what? If you miss one, along comes another, like cabs
08:03No, that is not how it works
08:05Oh, okay
08:07But you're still looking outside yourself
08:09It's saying that you're not enough
08:10Are you enough?
08:12Actually, today she's too much
08:13Look, the bad thing about the one perfect soulmate
08:15Is that it's so unattainable
08:17You're being set up to fail
08:18Exactly, and you feel bad about yourself
08:20Yeah, and it makes the gap between the holy grail and the assholes even bigger
08:23Well, I don't care
08:25I believe in soulmates
08:27I thought Trey was mine, but
08:29I don't think that a soulmate would
08:31On your leg
08:33Yeah, I really do
08:34But there's got to be that someone out there who's just perfect for me
08:37Maybe I should keep looking
08:39Here you go
08:40Okay
08:41We're filling this out
08:42No, I'm not in the mood
08:44Not for you, for her
08:45Oh, okay
08:46No
08:46Yes
08:47Age, checkbox
08:4920 to 25
08:5025 to 30
08:5130 to 34
08:52Oh, no
08:52Not after next week
08:54Birthday girl
08:5535
08:5635 to 44
08:58Honey
08:59Welcome to my box
09:06Soulmate
09:07Two little words
09:09One big concept
09:10A belief that someone
09:12Somewhere
09:12Is holding the key to your heart
09:15And your dream house
09:16All you have to do
09:17Is find them
09:18So
09:19Where is this person?
09:21And if you love someone
09:22And it didn't work out
09:24Does that mean they weren't your soulmate?
09:26Were they just a runner-up contestant
09:28In this game show called
09:29Happily Ever After?
09:30And
09:31As you move
09:32From age box
09:33To age box
09:34And the contestants get
09:35Fewer and fewer
09:36Are your chances of finding your soulmate
09:39Less and less?
09:41Soulmates
09:41Reality
09:42Or torture device
09:45What about a little birthday dinner?
09:47Il cantonori
09:48Something nice
09:49Hmm
09:49I'm not sure I want to do anything
09:51I'm kind of into laying low
09:52Laying low or feeling low?
09:55No, I'm fine
09:56Oh, come on
09:57You've got to do better than that
09:59You've got to grab 35 by the balls
10:01And say,
10:01Hey world, I'm 35
10:02Okay, calm down, Annie, ma'am
10:04I'll put the dinner together
10:05All you have to do is show up
10:06Just close friends
10:07Very fabulous life
10:10All right, yeah
10:12That sounds fun
10:22You know, a phone call here and there
10:24It's friendly
10:25Why, do you think I should invite him?
10:27Oh, honey, how should I know?
10:28When I'm done with them
10:29I'm done with them
10:31Maybe not
10:31Besides, I think he's still in London
10:32Let's just keep it to low maintenance, friends
10:35All right
10:38Hey, welcome
10:39Come in, come in
10:41He is hot
10:43He is a priest
10:44He is a hot priest
10:45Look at his robe
10:47It's so robbing and his merry men
10:49Está bien, gracias
10:51Oh, you tell him friar fuck
10:56Okay, sister, let's go
10:58I'm not going to lose my table at Pastis
10:59So you can cruise a holy man
11:01What street are we on again?
11:03That Sunday
11:04Samantha went to church
11:12Good morning
11:13Good morning
11:14I couldn't help but notice
11:15All the good work you're doing
11:16In the neighborhood
11:17And I just stopped to see
11:18If I could be of service
11:20Well, we could use
11:21Another hand in the kitchen
11:23I'm in public relations
11:24And I was thinking maybe I could help put a benefit together
11:27Something classy
11:29Respectful
11:29I can guarantee Donald Trump and Marlo Thomas
11:33Oh, thank you
11:33But here at All Souls
11:34We're a little more low-key than that
11:36We're more about collecting food
11:37Canned goods
11:38To feed to the meeting
11:40So
11:42I love your robe
11:43Well, this is what we wear
11:45I'm in the Franciscan order founded by St. Francis
11:48And the robe is
11:51Do you really want to hear about this?
11:53Oh, tell me more about this St. Francis
11:55Well, he lived his life based on the vows of poverty and chastity
12:00Here
12:04St. Francis giving his coat to the poor
12:12Samantha Jones, Public Relations
12:15If you change your mind about the benefit
12:18Or anything
12:23And just like that
12:24Samantha went from Mr. No Soul
12:27To Mr. All Souls
12:32After church
12:33Most people go out for pancakes
12:35Samantha wasn't most people
12:54Samantha, your face is glowing
12:56Did you get a facial or something?
12:58I masturbated all afternoon
13:00All right then
13:01Seriously?
13:02All afternoon?
13:03Well, two, two and a half hours
13:05Who's got that kind of time?
13:06I like to get in and get out
13:07Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too
13:09But when it's good like today, I go with it
13:12I masturbated to my priest
13:14Your priest?
13:15Fry or fuck?
13:16Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet
13:18You have a priest?
13:20No, no, no, no
13:20She wants him
13:22But she can't have him
13:23It's all very Thornburgs
13:25In my fantasy
13:26He tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms
13:29Rips open my dress
13:30Lays me down in the street
13:32And enters me
13:34What do you do for the next two hours and twenty minutes?
13:36Stop!
13:37You are talking about a priest
13:38It's a fantasy
13:39I can masturbate to whomever I like
13:41It's imagination
13:42It's fun and perfectly healthy
13:44Who do you all fantasize about?
13:47Russell Crowe
13:48Ah, jinx!
13:49You owe me coke
13:50That's amazing
13:51What did women do before Russell Crowe?
13:54George Clooney
13:55Ah, Clooney
13:56Clooney's like a Chanel suit
13:58He'll always be in style
13:59I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once
14:03What do you think that means?
14:06Fine, the cheese stands alone
14:08Oh, come on, Charlotte
14:09Get that judgmental puss off and join in
14:11Who do you fantasize about?
14:13No, it's private
14:15Oh, come on
14:16It can't be any worse than a priest and a busboy
14:18We're not moving on
14:19Till you tell us about one of your masturbation guys
14:22Well, it's not guys
14:25Lately, it's just one man
14:27L.L. Bean
14:29No
14:31Trey
14:33And we have this really, you know, perfect sex
14:38What do you think it means?
14:54This is 459-1905
14:56I'm not in, so please leave a message
14:58Hey, I think you're still in England
15:02But, uh, it's midnight here in New York
15:05And it's my birthday
15:07I am officially old
15:09So, um, I felt the need to call someone
15:13Older
15:14Ha ha
15:15Um, anyway, uh, some friends are giving me a dinner tomorrow night
15:19Well, actually, it's tonight
15:20And you're a friend
15:21So, um, if you are back in town
15:24It's going to be at, um, Il Cantanori at 8.30
15:28And if you're still in London
15:32Then, uh, cheerio, old chap
15:35So, oh, okay
15:42The next day on Wall Street
15:45Miranda?
15:47Sheila!
15:48Hi!
15:49How are you?
15:49I'm fantastic
15:50Oh, gosh, Joe and I just got back from New Orleans
15:53So, how are you?
15:54Are you seeing anyone special?
15:56But Miranda wasn't feeling very shecky
15:58Actually, no, I'm not
15:59Well, look, he's out there for you somewhere
16:02You just haven't met him yet, right?
16:03Maybe, maybe not
16:05I don't know if I believe all that
16:07Maybe there isn't someone for everyone
16:10There it was, the truth
16:11No hallmark hope
16:13No two-drink minimum
16:14So, how is Joe?
16:16You guys have been married for how many years now?
16:18Wow
16:19And I bet you're thinking we're the kids, right?
16:21Right?
16:21Well, it's like I said to Joe
16:23I mean, we could have kids
16:24Or we could have gorgeous fabric without chocolate stains
16:27Miranda realized
16:28It's not just about being single
16:30Everyone has a sore spot that needs a little comedy routine
16:33Let alone a poopy diaper
16:35And so Miranda laughed
16:37Not because it was particularly funny
16:39But because it was kind
16:40Anyway, could you imagine?
16:49They told me you were inside
16:50They told me you were inside
16:51Am I disturbing you?
16:54May I join you?
17:07I was thinking about you yesterday
17:10You and the work that you do
17:14I was at the market
17:22They're Le Cire piece
17:25They're the best
17:25That's very kind
17:28Thank you
17:32I have a confession to make
17:35I think about you other places than the market
17:40Do you ever think about me?
17:44I believe that God made the body
17:47And it's perfect in its splendor
17:50But I am not of my body
17:53My life is about other joys
18:06Samantha wondered if maybe the hot monk was her soulmate
18:09As he was certainly unattainable
18:17Ah, yes
18:24Bradshaw, party of ten
18:27You're the first to arrive
18:28Follow me, please
18:33Quarter to nine
18:34The reservation was for 8.30, right?
18:36Yeah, that's right
18:36Okay, here you go
18:39Enjoy
18:39Thank you
18:43Hi
18:44Hi
18:44Would you like a drink whilst you're waiting?
18:46Ah, yeah
18:47I'll have a Shirley Temple, please
18:49Once everyone else gets here
18:51We're going to be drinking a lot of champagne
18:52Good, great
18:53Excellent
19:03Twenty minutes later
19:05Still no party
19:10Hi
19:11Still alone
19:12Um, did anyone call asking for Bradshaw?
19:15Not that I'm aware of
19:16Let me check with them
19:18Okay, thanks
19:22Can I bring you some champagne now?
19:24No, not yet
19:25Good, good
19:27Great
19:27Excellent
19:29Happy birthday to you
19:33Happy birthday to you
19:37Happy birthday, dear Marta
19:41Happy birthday to you
19:45Twenty-five
19:46Twenty-five
19:46Fuck, I'm old
19:59Hi
20:01Sorry for holding the table
20:02I can't imagine where everybody is
20:04There is only one Il Cantanori, right?
20:07Yes
20:07Okay
20:08Um, the woman with the birthday cake is here
20:12And she needs to be paid
20:15Oh
20:16Okay
20:17I'll just, I'm going to get in my purse
20:21After I paid $70 for my own birthday cake
20:24I was totally out of the party mood
20:26So I decided to go home
20:28And kill myself
20:29Hey, oh, oh, lady, lady
20:30What are you doing?
20:31Get off of there
20:32Get off of there
20:32Look where you're standing
20:33It's right there
20:34Get off of there
20:35Get the hell off there
20:35Get off of there
20:36Get the other way
20:37Get the other way
20:48Hey, don't pick up the chicken
20:49Pick it up
20:51Hey, don't pick up the chicken
20:53Pick it up
20:53Hey, Larry Monroe
20:54Do me a fucking thing
20:55Get off the road
20:56I'm sorry
20:58I'm sorry
20:59I'm sorry, the victim will bring the pee over
21:00And we'll have a little fucking time right here
21:02By the time I got home
21:06I had fallen into an emotional hole so deep
21:08Only a fireman without a collarbone could rescue me
21:11You have 14 minutes here
21:14Honey, I'm trapped at work
21:16I'll be 10 minutes late
21:17The reservation line is busy
21:18I'll see you soon
21:20Carrie, I'm in traffic
21:21They're paving 5th Avenue
21:23No one can get through
21:24Don't wait for me
21:24Happy birthday
21:26I'm stuck in fucking traffic
21:28I don't know how to spell
21:29El Cantanore for the idiot at 411
21:31Get a cell phone
21:32Carrie, it's Stanford
21:34I'm at the wrong place
21:35Did you know there's a Mexican restaurant
21:37On University and 11 called El Cantanoro?
21:44Carrie!
21:46Okay, I'm here
21:46They said you just left
21:48Where are you?
21:48We're still here
21:51Okay, so now we're coming uptown
21:53To meet you at the coffee shop
21:54In 20 minutes
21:57Carrie?
22:00It's just me!
22:01It's just me!
22:02Stop it!
22:05I just aged 35 more years
22:10What are you doing here?
22:12I'm sorry
22:12I came to take you to the coffee shop
22:14No, uh-uh
22:15I'm going to bed
22:16I am not in the mood
22:17To be with a bunch of people
22:18Oh, come on
22:18It's just the four of us
22:19You have to come
22:20It's your birthday
22:21Oh, oh
22:22I am aware of that
22:27The longer I sat at that table
22:29The more alone I felt
22:29And it really hit me
22:31I am 35 and alone
22:33You are not alone
22:34No, I know I have you guys
22:35But
22:37And I really
22:38I hate myself a little
22:39For saying this
22:40But
22:43It felt really sad
22:46Not to have a man in my life
22:48Who cares about me
22:51No special guy
22:52To wish me happy birthday
22:56No goddamn soulmates
23:00And I don't even know
23:01If I believe in soulmates
23:09Don't laugh at me
23:10But
23:12Maybe we could be
23:13Each other's soulmates
23:16And then we could let men
23:17Be just these
23:18Great, nice guys
23:20To have fun with
23:24Well
23:25That sounds like the plan
23:26I'm 35
23:2835 is not 25
23:29Thank God
23:31I'm like 35
23:33Oh, shut the fuck up
23:35I'm 140
24:22Happy birthday, baby
24:24Get in
24:27It's after 12
24:28You're late
24:29Not really
24:30I'm on London time
24:30London is five hours ahead
24:33In that case
24:34I'm really fucking late
24:36I can't believe you
24:37Actually got out of the car
24:38And got balloons
24:40I didn't
24:40Raoul did
24:41Good man
24:45So
24:48How old are you?
24:50How old are you?
24:50No
24:50Well, you don't have to
24:52Give me an exact number
24:53Pick a box
24:5430 to 35
24:5535 to 40
24:5740 to 45
25:00Really?
25:0240 to 45
25:03I don't know what you're referring to
25:05I had something in my eye
25:11Hey
25:13How do you feel about soulmates?
25:16Well
25:18I like the word soul
25:21I like the word made
25:23Other than that
25:24You got me
25:33Did you have a nice day?
25:36I had a fabulous day
25:38Good for you
25:39Good for you
25:46As Big's car drove away
25:47I realized
25:48Having three soulmates
25:50Already nailed down
25:51Made it a lot easier
25:53To spot those
25:53Great nice guys
25:55To have fun with
26:10A little past ten
26:11I was dressed to the nines
26:13At Rosary 8 and a half
26:14Located on the corner
26:15Of right now
26:16And everyone was there
26:17It was the place
26:18To see
26:19And be seen
26:20Oh
26:20Look at that one
26:22Oh
26:25Do you think he's a model?
26:27A model what?
26:28A model citizen?
26:29A model home?
26:30A model airplane?
26:31I think he's the dirty haired Gucci guy
26:33With clean hair
26:34Wow
26:35He's so versatile
26:36Why don't you go over and say hello?
26:38Oh he's gorgeous
26:39The only way I could get a guy like that
26:40Interested in me
26:41Would be to pay him
26:42Stanford my love
26:43There's no need for you to enter Hookerville
26:44Carrie
26:46I know what I look like
26:48Then you can't see what I see
26:53Carrie
26:53Hey
26:54Lynn Cameron was a much sought after
26:57Fashion show producer
26:58As valuable to a show's success
27:00As Valium or Velcro
27:01I just told Damien
27:02You have just so fucking saved my life
27:05I did
27:05Oh sorry
27:06This is my boyfriend Damien
27:07I use the term boyfriend loosely
27:10As Damien is clearly a homosexual
27:12Well in that case
27:13This is my boyfriend Stanford
27:15You so have to be in this fashion show I'm doing
27:18A mix of models and New York people with style
27:21And no one is more New York or has more style than you
27:26Lynn I'm a writer
27:27You're fucking doing my show
27:29If I have to hunt you down
27:31Skin you alive
27:32And have one of the other models fucking wear you
27:34I'll call you next week
27:36Could this place be any louder?
27:40Bye
27:42I am so coming
27:43To what?
27:45I'm not a model
27:46Then you can't see what I see
27:50I'll start with a salad with extra blue cheese dressing
27:53Thank you
27:54Thanks
27:54Are the vegetables on the veggie plate organic?
27:57They have beef pot pie on the menu
27:59What do you think?
28:01I'll just have a cup of hot water with lemon
28:03Thank you
28:04Isn't it hard to eat just organic all the time?
28:06It is so hard
28:08Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac
28:11I finally had to get dressed
28:13Go out and pick up a guy
28:14Talk about a Happy Meal
28:16Well lady you have never looked better
28:17Your body is amazing
28:19Well I hope so
28:20I'm having nude photographs taken on Wednesday
28:24What are you going to do?
28:25Have postcards made up to hand out to prospective dates?
28:27This is not about a man's approval
28:29This photo is just for me
28:32So when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes
28:34I can look at it and say
28:35Damn I was hot
28:36Isn't that a little narcissistic?
28:38No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your 7th grade picture taken
28:41You weren't naked in that
28:43That we know of
28:44Look I like my body
28:45I'm getting these pictures taken
28:47What's the big problem?
28:48No problem
28:49You're my hero
28:49I think it's fantastic that you can just put it out there
28:52I can't even say yes to being in some charity fashion show
28:56New York style?
28:57Yeah
28:57You were asked to be part of that
28:58That's huge
28:59All the top designers are doing it
29:01Wait they want you to be a model?
29:02No no no no no no
29:03It's a mix of real people and models
29:06I know the producer
29:07Carrie you have to do it
29:08You live for fashion
29:09I do not live for fashion
29:11How many fashion shows did you drag me to during fashion week?
29:15Eight what's your point?
29:16Why are you turning down the chance to actually be in one?
29:19I do not belong on a runway
29:21Runways are for models not writers
29:23What's the difference between strutting down a runway
29:26And the way you strut down 5th Avenue?
29:28Struts?
29:30Do I strut my strutter?
29:31I think it'd be fun
29:32I was a teen model when the Ralph Lauren store opened in New Haven
29:36Okay it's amazing I was able to keep my lunch down just now
29:40I just I cannot imagine walking down a runway
29:43Where people sit there and judge me
29:45No one would judge you
29:46Oh we judge models all the time
29:48But you're not a model
29:49You're one of the real people
29:50Exactly and I don't want people to think that I can't see the difference between a model and me
29:55Well who gives a fuck what people think?
29:57This is a fabulous opportunity
29:59Honey you'll probably get to keep the clothes
30:02I thought of that
30:03I'd do it in a New York minute
30:04So would I
30:07What do you think Mewdie?
30:12While Miranda would never dream of walking on a runway
30:15She had no problem running on one
30:17She looks like a flower
30:18But she stings like a bee
30:19Like every girl in history
30:22And she
30:23She
30:23Ways
30:24Ways
30:25Ways
30:25Ways
30:25Ways
30:26Ways
30:26Ways
30:26Ways
30:26Ways
30:26Ways
30:26Ways
30:26Ways
30:27Ways
30:27Ways
30:27Ways
30:27Ways
30:28Ways
30:29Ways
30:29Ways
30:42Ways
30:42Ways
30:43Ways
30:43Ways
30:43Ways
30:43Ways
30:43Ways
30:44Ways
30:44Ways
30:44Ways
30:45Ways
30:47Ways
30:47Ways
30:47Ways
30:59Ways
31:01I've been watching you for months. I think that you are very sexy.
31:06So, what's the problem?
31:08He said, I think you're very sexy.
31:11And?
31:11I was wearing no makeup in my Hanes $3 old man's undershirt.
31:15Nice.
31:16I just can't believe that a guy would think that I was sexy.
31:19Okay, I'm hanging up now.
31:20No, I'm serious.
31:22Smart, yes. Sometimes cute, but never sexy.
31:25Sexy is the thing I try to do.
31:30You win men over with your personality?
31:32They want you to be a model?
31:35Okay, I'm hanging up now.
31:36Later that night, I got to thinking about Narcissus.
31:39A man so consumed with his own image, he drowned in it.
31:43Did he have no best friends to mirror back a healthy review of himself?
31:46And why is it that we can see our friends perfectly,
31:50but when it comes to ourselves, no matter how hard we look,
31:53do we ever see ourselves clearly?
31:57Samantha, on the other hand, saw herself a little too clearly.
32:01Okay, Samantha, Tiger here has a variety of music choices
32:04to ease you into the shoot and help you feel more comfortable.
32:07Tiger?
32:08Yeah, I've got some steely Dan.
32:10I'm comfortable.
32:14Okay, camera, Tiger?
32:17Tiger?
32:19Yeah.
32:19Yes, sir.
32:28Do you like your gynecologist?
32:29Yeah, she's amazing. Why?
32:31I think I might want to see someone else.
32:32What's happening?
32:34Well, Trey and I are still just talking.
32:35We're not ready to move back in yet.
32:36No, what's happening with your vagina?
32:38Shh.
32:40Sweetie, I'm not bugged. It's just us listening.
32:42Maybe a yeast infection, but my gynecologist says no.
32:45But something's definitely off.
32:47Well, what are the symptoms?
32:48I don't want to talk about this.
32:49Can you just call my machine and leave her number?
32:52Hey, do you know anyone that Stanford could go out with?
32:55If we don't find him someone, he's going to start dating hookers.
32:58Hookers? Ew!
32:59Exactly.
33:02Charlotte?
33:02Yeah?
33:03Would you say that I'm strutting right now?
33:06Well, Charlotte decided for Stanford Blatch, it would have to be someone cute, someone with style, someone like Anthony Marantino,
33:14her wedding gown stylist.
33:15What?
33:16Anthony, hi. It's Charlotte York McDougal.
33:19Sorry. I thought it was my mother.
33:20Fifteen phone calls to make sure I get her the cheapest possible sheet from Bed Bath and friggin' beyond.
33:25I was wondering if you were dating anyone right now.
33:27I'm dating everyone right now. Why?
33:29I have this friend, Stanford.
33:31What's he look like?
33:32He is adorable.
33:34Who would play him?
33:35In a movie, who would play him?
33:37I don't know.
33:39Ed Harris.
33:40A younger Ed Harris.
33:42That's hot.
33:43And speaking of hot, Miranda ended her first date with Cap'n Crunch.
33:46That was fun.
33:47I hope I didn't talk too much.
33:48I think the only words you actually said all night were, well, that was fun.
34:02God, you are so sexy.
34:07You don't even think so?
34:14Maybe he was right.
34:15After all, who was Miranda to argue with the captain?
34:26Miss Motherfucker, why have you not returned my last two hundred phone calls?
34:30Lynn, I really don't think that I should do this show.
34:35I mean, come on.
34:35I am not a model.
34:37And as much as I would like to think that I could walk down a road...
34:39You're in or you're out.
34:40I don't have time for this.
34:41I'm sure Dolce and Gabbana can find someone else to dress.
34:45Dolce and Gabbana?
34:46East Designer picks the person they want to dress.
34:49Dolce and Gabbana picked me?
34:51Yes, fuck it.
34:52And those are some picky Italians.
34:55Um, do you think that I would be able to keep the outfit?
35:01Forza, forza, forza.
35:02Manca tre modelli ancora.
35:04Tre.
35:05What's up, love?
35:06Oh, I'm coming.
35:10Pronti?
35:12Oh, me likey.
35:16Perfect.
35:16And the bust and the waist turn, turn, love, turn, love.
35:19Do we likey?
35:20Oh, no likey the length.
35:23Let's take it up about four feet.
35:24Quattro piedi.
35:25Quattro piedi.
35:26No, no, I'm short.
35:28I'm too short.
35:29But I'm very, very comfortable in heels.
35:32Honestly, the higher the better.
35:33So, you know, feel free to put me up in the big gal's shoes.
35:35Walk, love.
35:36Walk.
35:41Oh.
35:42I gave it to Heidi.
35:43I wanted to take half a tour.
35:45Heidi Klum?
35:46Heidi, we're going to have a ski for me.
35:47Yes.
35:48Turn, love, turn.
35:49Yes.
35:50And trot back.
35:51Trot.
35:52Trot.
35:54Good, good, good.
35:55Oh, look what the pussy's dragged in.
35:58Don't well ask her.
35:59Um, we're just calling the O now, love.
36:02Who's this?
36:03Carrie Bradshaw.
36:04A New York style model.
36:06Oh, model.
36:07God, no.
36:07No, no, no, no, no.
36:09No, I'm a writer.
36:10I'm Paul Danai.
36:11I'm a photographer.
36:12I'm working on that.
36:12I love, I'm sorry.
36:14No, I'm sorry.
36:15I just, I know your photographs.
36:18Well, I'm just doing a little behind the scenes book about fashion.
36:21Would you mind if I shoot your fitting?
36:24Oh, sorry.
36:26That was, I wasn't, I wasn't ready.
36:28So go ahead.
36:28That's the point.
36:29Don't mind me.
36:29I like the almost surprise.
36:31I'll give you a surprise, love.
36:34Now, what's your opinion, love?
36:36Oh, me, me, love or, or, or him, love?
36:39You, love.
36:40Oh.
36:41I don't know.
36:42Whatever you think.
36:43Oh, no.
36:43Change your mind.
36:44Got something better.
36:44Oh.
36:48Oh, that was bad.
36:50I'm sorry.
36:51I'm very uncomfortable having my photograph taken.
36:54How does a girl who doesn't like having her picture taken wind up in a fashion show?
36:58I'm in it for the free goods.
37:01Well, maybe if I explain how a camera works over a glass of wine sometime.
37:06Well, I've never been a gal to turn down a free lesson.
37:10Or a free dress.
37:11Here it is.
37:12Do we like it?
37:14Oh, we like it.
37:17Oh.
37:18And speaking of uncomfortable...
37:21Okay.
37:22You can put your legs down now.
37:23It is not a yeast infection.
37:26It's not?
37:27I have an entire file of women, all with the same symptoms.
37:30Itching, stinging, burning.
37:31All of them think they have a yeast infection.
37:33It's not.
37:34It could be vulvodynia.
37:37Is it serious?
37:38No.
37:39It's mostly just uncomfortable.
37:40We can get it under control.
37:41I'm going to prescribe a light antidepressant.
37:44But I'm not depressed.
37:46It's not for you.
37:46It's for your vagina.
37:51Your vagina's depressed?
37:53The mood elevator sort of corrects the imbalance.
37:56Wait a minute.
37:56How do you know your vagina's depressed?
37:58There are symptoms.
37:59Like what?
37:59It can't meet its deadline?
38:01It always wants to go to Krispy Kreme.
38:02Oh, ha ha.
38:03It's so funny.
38:04My vagina's depressed.
38:10Stop.
38:12I might have vulvodynia.
38:14Vulva what-ya?
38:14So every day, I have to keep a vagina journal.
38:19No, come on.
38:20A Dear Vagina, Why So Blue kind of journal?
38:22Dear Vagina.
38:24Guess who I have a crush on.
38:26No.
38:26More like, itchy today, not itchy.
38:30Sounds like a bestseller.
38:31Ready to order?
38:32Um, I guess we're still waiting.
38:34Oh, but you know what?
38:35Can I have a hot water and some lemon?
38:37Thanks.
38:38Uh, I'm fine, but Charlotte may be your hmm-hmm.
38:40Would like an order of fries.
38:42I guess not.
38:44Sorry I'm late.
38:46Hi.
38:46I had to pick up my nude contact sheets.
38:48Look.
38:50Okay, but only until the food arrives.
38:52Charlotte, I want your professional art eye opinion.
38:59That's not very arty.
39:01I can see your...
39:03everything.
39:06Oh, well, that's the full frontal.
39:07I just did that to warm up.
39:09You should have worn me, really.
39:11Well, what's the big deal?
39:12It's just a vagina.
39:13It's magnified.
39:15I've never even seen mine that close.
39:17Oh, come on.
39:17You've never seen yourself up close and personal?
39:19Carrie, have you seen yours that close?
39:21How'd I get involved?
39:22Charlotte, you've never looked at yourself with a hand mirror?
39:24Oh, my God.
39:26Honey, I insist you go home right now and take a look.
39:29Or better yet, take my compact and make a quick trip to the ladies' room.
39:33I don't want to look.
39:36I think it's ugly.
39:39Well, maybe that's why it's depressed.
39:42What did I miss?
39:44On their second date, Miranda did most of the talking.
39:48She was feeling confident and sexy.
39:51I like my life.
39:52I love my job.
39:53I love my friends.
39:56She couldn't believe how comfortable this new Miranda felt.
39:59And I love meeting new people.
40:02Like you.
40:11Miranda had no idea what had changed.
40:20I want pure class.
40:22I'm thinking ash or a charcoal gray mat inside the frame.
40:30Can't you on either side?
40:31Even though Samantha had done the photo just for her, she still wanted to be seen a certain way by
40:36men.
40:36Charcoal would bring out the gray tones.
40:38The mat should stop about an inch away from my breast.
40:41Right here.
40:42See my breast?
40:43And then stop right around here near my ass.
40:47See that?
40:49Right near my ass.
40:52How's next Thursday?
40:55Whatever.
40:57And you took this one of Cindy Crawford's, see?
41:00Photo by Paul Denai.
41:01How can you still remember?
41:02It was the 90s.
41:03It was 92.
41:04I loved her beauty mark so much.
41:06I used to pencil one on, you know, and then I'd move it around whenever I had a blemish.
41:11So, you know, it'd be here, and then it'd be here, and then sometimes it'd be here.
41:17Oh, here's another one.
41:19Oh, man.
41:20I can't believe you have this book.
41:21It's getting embarrassing.
41:22No, are you crazy?
41:23I love this.
41:24You know, when I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy Vogue instead
41:28of dinner.
41:29I just felt it fed me more.
41:32You know, I used to do all that high-fashion shit, but the behind-the-scenes stuff I'm doing now
41:38is so much better.
41:39It's more real.
41:40Real.
41:41Ick.
41:42No, the reality of people and all their little flaws.
41:46It's the little flaws that make them so much more beautiful.
41:48Oh, forget reality and tell me about the models.
41:51Who's a big bitch and who's a bigger bitch?
41:54Sorry.
41:55I never click and tell.
41:58Why are you so fascinated with the models?
42:00I just love them.
42:03They're just beautiful.
42:05I want to show you something.
42:07Okay.
42:07Can you show me one model who's more alive or more beautiful than her?
42:28So, which one is your new boyfriend?
42:30Oh, it was only one kiss.
42:31It's so predictable.
42:32A model dating a photographer.
42:35It's Danny.
42:36I'm a model.
42:40Why do you feel me?
42:41Excuse me.
42:43I may have a stroke.
42:45So, do I look all right?
42:47I'm a little nervous about this Charlotte fix-up.
42:49Oh, you look fabulous.
42:50You have fabulous seats.
42:51Everything's going to be fabulous.
42:52And I can't think about you anymore.
42:53I'm a model.
42:53You're a supermodel.
42:54Oh, and I made them put me in these super high, high heels.
42:57I'm going to be so freaking solid.
43:00Supermodel and supersize it, please.
43:02Excuse me.
43:03Hi.
43:04I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
43:05Where do I go?
43:06Over with the non-models.
43:08What's her problem?
43:10Oh, Gucci and Dolce and Dior.
43:12Oh, my.
43:13Oh, look.
43:14Look, this is the Polaroid of the dress.
43:16Oh, me likey.
43:19That's a fashion thing.
43:21Oh, here's one of Frank Rich.
43:23Hmm?
43:23And Fran Leibovitz.
43:25These are the other real people?
43:28Okay.
43:28What the fuck's wrong?
43:29Frank Richland?
43:31Fran Leibovitz?
43:32What?
43:33Dolce and Gabbana couldn't get Ed Koch?
43:35Gucci got him.
43:36What's the problem?
43:37Ugh.
43:37I'm such an idiot.
43:38I actually convinced myself I belonged here.
43:41You do belong here.
43:42Can I go home?
43:43No.
43:44The entire show is timed per model.
43:46I'm a non-model.
43:48You're fabulous.
43:49You're ready?
43:50Lighten up.
43:53Okay, so you're not Heidi Klum, but you're the modeliest of the real people.
44:01I mean, he told me I was sexy, and then he didn't want to kiss me.
44:06Was it me?
44:06Suddenly I wasn't sexy?
44:08What does it mean?
44:09Who knows?
44:10He's a man.
44:11You can lay your pussy on a table right in front of one and still not know what he's thinking.
44:18And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.
44:21There's been a change.
44:23You're not wearing this.
44:24You're wearing this.
44:26Okay.
44:28I-I-I'm gonna need to speak to someone.
44:32I had to lose the dress, love.
44:33I saw the Dior is showing something similar right before you.
44:36Uh-huh.
44:36Uh-huh.
44:37It's a fashion house of cars, love.
44:38I can't wear jeweled underwear.
44:41No, no, no.
44:41I just want you to look at them.
44:42Where's the dolly?
44:43Oh, they're fantastic.
44:45How can I make this clear?
44:47Me no likey.
44:50Paul, can you do something?
44:52Okay, but not that.
44:54Oh, my God!
44:55Come on, try them on.
44:56You'll love them, love.
44:56No, no, please.
44:57Really, I'm gonna faint.
44:58I can't wear jeweled panties and strut out in front of Frank Rich.
45:02I respect Frank Rich.
45:03Frank Rich is a writer.
45:05Oh, you're not just wearing panties, love.
45:07They come with a fantastic coat.
45:09Trot around there and try them on.
45:10Trot on.
45:10Trot, trot.
45:11It's just...
45:12I have a certain look, you know?
45:14And I just really don't think that jeweled panties is it.
45:18Oh, tanto se una balena la tagliamo, no?
45:20Exactly, exactly.
45:21If you look like a whale, we won't send you out there.
45:22We're Dolce and Gabbana, for Christ's sakes.
45:24Now, come out or I'm coming in.
45:26Oh, God!
45:28Fantastic.
45:29Now the hair's all wrong.
45:30We need big hair.
45:30Big hair.
45:32Shark, this is so exciting.
45:40Stanford Blatch, this is Anthony Marantino.
45:44Hi.
45:45Marantino, is that Italian?
45:48Sicilian.
45:50Is that different?
45:53Yeah.
45:58Well, I better go check on Carrie.
46:04Ed Harris?
46:05Ed Harris.
46:07Try Ed, I have no Harris.
46:09I really thought you two would hit it off.
46:11Why?
46:11Because he's gay and I'm gay?
46:12Well...
46:13Shark, let me clear something up for you.
46:15I'm a nice little package.
46:16I got good arms and a high tight ass.
46:18I could do a lot better.
46:22Ten minutes and ten hair extensions later...
46:24I can't believe Charlotte would set me up with such a queen.
46:27Is that who she thinks I am?
46:28Someone who would date such a queen?
46:29Stanford, I don't have time to decipher the levels of queendom in your world right now.
46:34Would you please go get me another champagne?
46:36Oh.
46:39Wow.
46:40That is big hair.
46:43Orlando, she looks fabulous.
46:45Now, love, we need the big eyes to go with the big hair.
46:47Kevin O'Quinn, Carrie Bradshaw.
46:49Nice to meet you.
46:49Hi.
46:50You ready for makeup?
46:50Let's do it.
46:55Let's do it.
46:55Hi.
46:56I know you're a genius, but here's the thing.
46:58I'm a writer.
46:59I know.
46:59I'm a big fan of your column, so don't worry.
47:01You're going to look fabulous.
47:03Okay?
47:04Stanford, nobody's listening to me.
47:06They just keep telling me I'm fabulous.
47:07You are fabulous.
47:08Go get Samantha and tell her to come back here.
47:10She'll tell me the truth.
47:10I can't go back out there.
47:11That queen's out there.
47:12Go.
47:13We're running out of time.
47:14Come on, let's keep this along.
47:17Crisis.
47:18Carrie needs to see you backstage.
47:24Where's your highness?
47:26What?
47:26Your little friend.
47:28Where is he?
47:29Oh.
47:30He had to go.
47:32Why?
47:32He didn't like me.
47:34No.
47:34He had a decorating emergency.
47:37I've been rejected by someone I wasn't interested in.
47:41I hate when that happens.
47:45Lynn, we're okay to go.
47:58Lights, go.
48:00Music, Q4, go.
48:06Gucci.
48:08Gucci.
48:08Gucci.
48:08Gucci.
48:13Hey, you, you never should have ran.
48:18You want to make something that can make you dance again.
48:22It's time to say you just got to make a little something that can make you dance again.
48:29Come on, get on, take on, get in the front of the end, dance again.
48:40Samantha?
48:41Well, tell me the truth.
48:43I know people don't mean it when they say that, but I do.
48:45Oh, honey.
48:46You're a model.
48:48You tell me, right?
48:49Absolutely.
48:51You're a model.
48:52Look how tall I am.
48:54She's for my idea.
48:57I gotta get out there.
48:58Okay.
48:59Go model.
48:59All right.
49:04Okay.
49:07Wow, you're Heidi Klum.
49:08Mm-hmm.
49:10Wow, those are fantastic.
49:12Really?
49:13Oof.
49:15Do I look okay?
49:16You look fabulous.
49:18Thanks.
49:18Okay, let's go.
49:19Okay.
49:20Okay.
49:23Bye-bye.
49:29Wait till you see our gal.
49:31Really?
49:32Yeah?
49:32Huh?
49:35When is she coming out?
49:37Jesse and Gavara.
49:42There he is.
49:50There he is.
49:56Fuck me hard
49:58Heidi, go
50:05Oh my god, she's fashion roadkill
50:10Stop fucking taking my picture
50:12I had a choice
50:13I could slink off the runway and let my inner model die of shame
50:17Or I could pick myself up, flaws and all, and finish
50:29And that's just what I did
50:30Because when real people fall down in life
50:33They get right back up and keep on walking
51:07Turns out, my little act of bravery inspired three other people to acts of bravery as well
51:14Miranda faced her fear of knowing the truth
51:16Hi
51:17Hi
51:17I'm really confused
51:19I thought we had a good time and then you never called
51:22And I never called because you never called
51:24And I guess that's fine
51:26But I just have to know
51:28Did I do something or
51:29No, I don't know
51:32We were sitting on the couch and
51:34You just
51:36You seem a little full of yourself
51:40Okay, glad we straightened that out
51:44Cheeseburger and fries
51:45Samantha faced her fear of what real food would do to her perfect figure
51:52Thanks
51:54Races
51:58I didn't tip you enough
52:01And Charlotte faced her fear of seeing
52:04Herself
52:13And just like Narcissus before her
52:15Charlotte became so mesmerized by what she saw that
52:19Ow
52:20And as for me
52:22I tucked my jeweled underwear and my inner model away where they belonged
52:26And went back to my life as a real person
52:28To the real
52:35No, no, no, no, no
52:37Suhu, suhu