- 7 minutes ago
Pillow Talk
The gang exchange embarrassing stories, promising to keep them secret. Caitlin tells her boyfriend who divulges all the stories to the public while being hypnotized. Jonesy takes advantage of his new job screening applicants for a dating service.
The gang exchange embarrassing stories, promising to keep them secret. Caitlin tells her boyfriend who divulges all the stories to the public while being hypnotized. Jonesy takes advantage of his new job screening applicants for a dating service.
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TVTranscript
00:00Time's less!
00:14So, little bunny dude, you ever heard the one where the turtle is faster than the rabbit?
00:21What is the matter with people? No returns till after Christmas. How hard is that?
00:27Hey, Jen, how's work going?
00:28Christmas shoppers are evil!
00:32No, this year I will be calm.
00:35I bet Coach Halder will be stoked to hear that.
00:39Don't mention his name.
00:40Whoa, sorry I mentioned Coach Halder.
00:44Ah! Do you realize I get a picture in my head every time you say his name?
00:48Okay, you've got to chill. You're freaking out my friend here.
00:52Aw, where did you get him?
00:55Hey!
00:58So, this is what it's come to. Stealing bunnies. I thought I'd looked evil in the face. But this takes
01:05the Christmas cake.
01:06I'm taking this poor defenseless creature back to the living manger display.
01:10Why is there a bunny in a manger?
01:13They couldn't get donkeys.
01:16Why doesn't he get a dog like a normal cop?
01:19Sup, Jay?
01:20Got me a sweet new gig, that's what.
01:23Doing what?
01:23Since I kicked butt on the Christmas decorating crew, they put me on gift wrapping detail.
01:29Hold on. You actually did well at something?
01:31Heck yes. Check it out. Pretty sweet, huh?
01:34Huh? You put up that tree?
01:38And decorated it?
01:39What? You don't believe me?
01:44We believe you.
01:45I gotta get gift wrapping.
01:47Aren't you working today?
01:48Don't remind me.
01:50Because if you're late, Coach Halter...
02:02My parents are trying to take me to Acapulco for my Christmas present.
02:06Wow. That's pretty nice of them.
02:08Uh, do you remember my parents? They're like Christmas elves on Overdrive. They sing Christmas carols. My mom does non
02:15-stop Christmas baking. And my dad ho-ho-ho's for the entire month. I'd love to go somewhere hot.
02:22Hey, Nikki. It's always sizzling at Shea Jonesy.
02:25Note to skin. Start crawling.
02:28Thanks for calling gift girl. How can I help you shop?
02:32Yep. I'll have the perfect present for you this afternoon.
02:36What's with the gift girl thing?
02:37I've started a new business. Say you're a guy and you have no clue what to get your sweetie. You
02:43call me and I do the shopping for you.
02:45You get paid to shop?
02:46Can the world be any more perfect?
02:51Gotta shop. See you guys later.
02:53Wait. You're just gonna close the lemon?
02:55That's the great thing about working here. I don't have somebody breathing down my neck all day like you do
03:01with that annoying Coach Halter.
03:03Ah! He's driving me crazy!
03:06See ya.
03:07Gotta fly.
03:07Check you later.
03:09Okay. You need some serious chilling out, dude.
03:12And I know just who to call.
03:16Hey, Jude.
03:18Oh, for sure.
03:19I've got some totally relaxing yoga moves for Jen.
03:24She'll be zenned out in no time.
03:30Mmm. What the? Okay. Who replaced the titanium batteries with ordinary alkaline ones?
03:37That was all they had at the nothing over a dollar store.
03:41They're crap. Re-catalog all the foreign language documentaries pronto and I may not fire you.
03:48You're late. If you're slacking off just because it's Christmas, I'm on to you.
03:52I'll set up the holiday movies display.
03:54Whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't have any Christmas movies.
03:56Sure we do. We have like six of them.
03:58Seven if you count this German docudrama on Kris Kringle.
04:02It's narrated by David Hasselhoff.
04:05Huh? No display. Christmas movies suck.
04:08But watching Christmas classics is a yearly ritual for lots of people.
04:12Getting a colonoscopy is a yearly ritual for lots of people too,
04:16but that doesn't mean I want a colonoscopy display in my store.
04:22This is such a sweet job.
04:24I look like a totally sensitive, creative guy.
04:27Chicks love that.
04:29Later.
04:29Need your boat wrapped, Captain?
04:31Um.
04:35Ahoy, matey. You have yourself a good day now, you hear?
04:40Another satisfied customer?
04:42Move along. No loitering in the mall, maggot.
04:45This is a gift wrapping table.
04:48And you're a gift wrapper?
04:50Many would say gifted wrapper.
04:52Psst. What's the money like?
04:54Pretty decent. Plus tips.
04:56I'll just make a note of that.
05:00You raise shopping to an Olympic art form.
05:04Thanks. I do train a lot.
05:10Chrissy, can you give me a week off to go on vacation with my family?
05:13Oh, I wish I could, but I don't like you.
05:17Well, I can't say I didn't ask.
05:18Hello.
05:20There's our island princess.
05:21Mrs. What are you doing here?
05:24I told you I'm not coming.
05:26Just let me stay with Jen.
05:28Hello, young lady.
05:30Excuse me.
05:31We need some wild and crazy resort wear.
05:34But I need you to make sure my wife doesn't spend all our trip money before we leave.
05:41Here we go.
05:43Did Nikki tell you we're taking her to Acapulco?
05:46Well, actually, we'll be just outside of Acapulco, in the town of Costa Not Mucha.
05:53You know, you could save a bundle by not taking me, Dad.
05:57Now listen, young lady.
05:58What's a dad have to do to get his daughter a few days off?
06:02Too bad.
06:04They can't spare me, Dad.
06:05It's Christmas, remember?
06:07Just write down what days you want off, Nikki, and they're all yours.
06:10Gee, thanks.
06:15Star?
06:16Hey, Jen.
06:17Come in.
06:19Okay, first, try the reaching monkey.
06:23Huh?
06:25Good.
06:25Now try the praying mantis.
06:33Wow.
06:34You're really flexible, Jen.
06:36Bring it on.
06:38I only have a 15-minute break from work.
06:40The next position is blowing the tiger's mind.
06:43Okay, this is kind of hot.
06:47What are you doing here, Jude?
06:49Staring, mostly.
06:51Jude's here as part of your zen training.
06:54Jane, Jen Lotus.
07:03Coach Halder.
07:07Coach Halder.
07:10Coach Halder, Coach Halder, Coach Halder, Coach Halder.
07:14Wow, you totally stayed calm.
07:17I can't believe it.
07:18I'm de-stressing.
07:20It worked.
07:21This is the best Christmas present ever.
07:23That was awesome.
07:26Hmm.
07:26I wonder what else I can do for people that doesn't involve buying stuff.
07:32So, Nikki, you planning to stay under the table all day?
07:36Because I could use a foot rub.
07:37Just let me know if you see my parents.
07:40Coast is clear.
07:42I know we have a date tonight, Connor, but work is really busy now.
07:46Oh, Jonesy.
07:47Gotta go.
07:47I need these wrapped in 20 minutes.
07:50Hold on.
07:50If you want these wrapped individually, then you're looking at five to seven hours minimum.
07:55Hey!
07:56We'll have them done for you in 20.
07:58We will?
07:59Roger that.
07:59Okay, then.
08:01How come you're in on my action?
08:04Security may look heroic, glamorous even, but the pay is noticeably underwhelming.
08:10And I've got Christmas presents to buy.
08:13Now.
08:14Wrap.
08:17And I'm saying that your 15% off coupon has expired, ma'am.
08:22Masterson!
08:23The customer is always right.
08:24So honor that coupon.
08:26You got that, missy?
08:28Just a sec.
08:29I need one more minute in dragon pose.
08:31Whew.
08:34Nice work.
08:36And kind of hot.
08:38Is that all you want?
08:39Tape?
08:40I'm making my own Christmas presents this year.
08:43I tried to make the tape, too, but it's a little trickier than it sounds.
08:51This is for you, dude.
08:52It's a leather DVD holder for your belt.
08:56That is the dumbest thing I ever heard of.
08:59Whoa.
09:00That was harsh.
09:01I can't believe you had a copy of Winter Pudding.
09:04A Christmas classic?
09:06Christmas classic.
09:08Bah!
09:09Gift girl, how can I help?
09:11Connor!
09:11I told you I need to keep my phone free for customers.
09:15Don't forget the pre-Christmas get-together tomorrow.
09:18I won't.
09:19Gift girl...
09:20Connor!
09:20Stop calling me!
09:22Why don't you come to our pre-Christmas party?
09:24Yeah!
09:25No!
09:26Get back to work.
09:30Connor, come on.
09:31We do so see each other.
09:33Sometimes.
09:36You're breaking up with me?
09:38Hello?
09:39Connor?
09:41I can't believe this is happening.
09:46This is gift girl.
09:47How can I help you shop?
09:59I don't know.
10:00I can't decide.
10:02I mean, what difference does it make?
10:04Are you okay?
10:06No!
10:07I'm not okay!
10:08This should be a no-brainer, but I just don't care.
10:11Oh, my gosh.
10:13I think I've lost my will to shop.
10:36Who's your daddy?
10:37Where did you get those bells?
10:40That's classified.
10:40It takes a man to know how to use them.
10:43Hey!
10:44Jonesy!
10:45I have your Christmas present for you, bro.
10:47All right!
10:48Thanks, Jude!
10:50Made it myself?
10:52It's a mistletoe hat.
10:54Whenever you wear it and you turn near a girl,
10:57the mistletoe will be right over your heads.
10:59She has to kiss you!
11:01This is the best gift I ever got, dude.
11:04Check it out!
11:07Watch where you're pointing that thing, son.
11:09I think I need some space.
11:10Yeah, you go.
11:12Good idea.
11:16I, uh, guess I'll go, too.
11:20I'm worried about Caitlin.
11:22She hasn't even opened the lemon today.
11:24Bummer.
11:25I have a Christmas present to give her.
11:27It's a personal shopping transportation device.
11:30It looks like your old skateboard.
11:32Not just my old skateboard, my old Alex Chalmers skateboard.
11:38We saw some good times, buddy.
11:41I'm going to try her again.
11:52Caitlin, what are you doing?
11:53I can't shop!
11:56Okay, okay, calm down.
11:58What do you mean you can't shop?
11:59I've lost my retail mojo.
12:02Connor broke up with me.
12:04Who's Connor?
12:05My boyfriend.
12:06When did you get a boyfriend?
12:07I've been too busy shopping to introduce him to you.
12:10Oh, this is the first time shopping has ever caused a breakup.
12:14Come on, you've got to get your mind off this.
12:23What are you doing?
12:24Mulling spices.
12:26They give the store a Christmas vibe.
12:28Good.
12:29Because I've decided we're going to be open Christmas Day.
12:32What?
12:33Yeah, you were right.
12:35People really eat up this holiday crap.
12:37Being early to serve up more of that Christmas vibe.
12:41You look like Santa just brought you a bag of barf.
12:45This is just not right.
12:47Where is your heart?
12:48Your holiday spirit?
12:50Bah humbug.
12:55I baked some Christmas cookies.
12:57We've got shortbread Uzis, chocolate grenades, and gingerbread security men.
13:03I'll take gingerbread security men.
13:08Come on, you have to help me think up a way I can bail on my folks.
13:13It's Connor!
13:14Huh?
13:19That's him!
13:20That's Connor!
13:21The one with the antlers?
13:23He said he had a part-time job.
13:24I didn't know it was that bad.
13:27Caitlin, I know it'll take some time, but you'll get over him eventually.
13:31How could he wear antlers?
13:33This coming from someone who wears a lemon hat to work?
13:36I used to think he was so hot, and now he's just antler guy.
13:41Guys all over this mall are counting on me to find the perfect present.
13:45Am I going to tell them I didn't find it because of some goof in an antler hat?
13:55What?
14:18Uh, no?
14:19I'm going to tell them I'm going to be behind.
14:19You'll have a crappy time and you'll break their hearts.
14:22Sometimes accepting a gift is the same as giving a gift.
14:26Huh, that actually makes sense.
14:29Now get in there, girlfriend, and get sprayed so you don't blind everyone on the beach.
14:34Sergeant, you get your door to the bridge and you hold that position until I...
14:39Uh, Wayne?
14:41We're going on a break.
14:43Oh, I don't know so much about it.
14:52Hey!
14:56Who and what are you?
14:58I am the ghost of Christmas past.
15:01Your past.
15:02And I want to show you something.
15:07Heh, heh, that's me.
15:09I used to watch movies all day long as a kid.
15:13You peed your pants during that movie.
15:15Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to miss anything, so I'd never go to the bathroom.
15:20Did that boy want to grow up to be mean and bossy?
15:23No.
15:25No, he didn't.
15:27Two other spirits will visit you.
15:36Come over here, Wayne.
15:38Come over here, Wayne.
15:46Are you...
15:48The ghost of Christmas present.
15:50Look.
15:51That's me.
15:53Look at you today.
15:54You may not paint your pants, but you're a mean, crusty, bossy, sarcastic jerk of a boss
15:59who makes us work on Christmas.
16:02Hey, are you here to teach me a lesson or insult me, buddy?
16:06Sorry.
16:06What you need to learn about is the real meaning of Christmas.
16:10Wait, wait!
16:15Dude!
16:19Are you the ghost of Christmas yet to come?
16:22Totally.
16:24Behold!
16:29Why is everything red?
16:30Cause in the future, we'll all be living on Mars, dude.
16:38What has that got to do with what I have to learn about Christmas?
16:41Not much, I guess.
16:42It just blows me away that one day we'll all be living on Mars.
16:46Oh.
16:47Is that it?
16:48Yeah!
16:49No, wait!
16:51There's something about the real meaning of Christmas.
16:56Okay, what is it?
16:58You must learn to be a nicer person before it's too late.
17:05What do you mean by that?
17:07Before, like, before I'm dead?
17:09Dude, you don't have to get all heavy on me.
17:12I gotta slide.
17:19Oh, man.
17:20I hope it's not too late.
17:26What happened?
17:28What?
17:28Don't I look golden brown?
17:30You only tanned half your body.
17:32What?
17:33Nikki, you were supposed to turn around halfway through.
17:35Well, nobody told me that.
17:37I have to go back and get done again.
17:39What time are your parents picking you up?
17:41Three.
17:42It's three now.
17:43What?
17:43You have to go.
17:44But I'm only half tanned.
17:46You'll be fine.
17:47When you get to the beach, lay white side up.
17:50Ugh!
17:50Oops.
17:51Merry Christmas.
17:53Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:56What day is it?
17:58Why, it's Christmas-y.
17:59Huh.
18:00The spirits did it all in one power nap.
18:03Of course they did.
18:04They can do anything.
18:05Do you know the grocery store at the end of the mall?
18:08Do you know the big bag of chips in the window?
18:12Well, go get it for me and there'll be a 50% off coupon for underground video with your name
18:18on it.
18:18Ha, ha.
18:20It actually feels good to be nice.
18:22Who knew?
18:24Your sales are way down this week, Matheson.
18:28With numbers like this, you'll be laid off in January.
18:31There you are.
18:32Okay, I need a ski parka, a set of snowshoes, a snowboard, three tubes.
18:37Are you serious?
18:39What for?
18:40A client just got married and has to buy presents for all his female in-laws.
18:43And there's lots, so let's move.
18:45Yeah, well, looks like it came through in the clutch there.
18:48Merry Christmas.
18:53Merry Christmas, Nikki.
18:54You know what?
18:55I've decided I don't care what anyone thinks.
18:58I'm on vacation.
18:59Hit it, Dad.
19:00We wish you a Merry Christmas.
19:03We wish you a Merry Christmas.
19:05We wish you a Merry Christmas.
19:08And a Happy New Year.
19:10Merry Christmas.
19:12We'll miss you.
19:13Merry Christmas, guys.
19:15We wish you a Merry Christmas.
19:18Oh, bite me, Dracula.
19:20Where's your holiday spirit?
19:22I love Christmas.
19:23Merry Christmas, everybody.
19:26It's better to give than to receive.
19:29Is this a trap?
19:31I've learned the real meaning of Christmas, and I'm going to spread the Christmas cheer.
19:39Okay, that was creepy.
19:41But I'll take creepy Christmas Wayne over the usual Wayne any day.
19:57I made an ornament for the tree.
19:59Jude, that's beautiful.
20:02It's a mandala representing the eternal circle of friendship.
20:16Jonesy, wasn't it your job to make sure the tree was secured properly?
20:19The mall must have shifted.
20:21Well, at least it was good no one was under the tree when it fell.
20:24Ouchie.
20:24Ow.
20:25Well, at least not a lot of people.
20:28Help!
20:29Ouchie.
20:31Ouchie.
20:32Ouchie.
20:33Ouchie.
20:33Ouchie.
20:35Ouchie.
20:35Ouchie.
20:37Ouchie.
20:37Ouchie.
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