- 2 days ago
Baby, You Stink
Jonesy, Wyatt, and Jude agree not to shower or clean themselves for a week to determine which one of them smells the worst and the best, with Nikki, Jen, and Caitlin as the judges. Meanwhile, Caitlin persuades her new boyfriend to try to get a good baby picture in a brand new "Make A Baby" booth that's just been added to the mall, but every picture she takes with him ends up ugly. When Jen goes in with Jude, their baby is perfect (so are all the other couples, like Wyatt and Marlowe and Darth and Julie), which makes Caitlin break up with her boyfriend and look around the mall for cute boys she can go in with to have a perfect baby.
Jonesy, Wyatt, and Jude agree not to shower or clean themselves for a week to determine which one of them smells the worst and the best, with Nikki, Jen, and Caitlin as the judges. Meanwhile, Caitlin persuades her new boyfriend to try to get a good baby picture in a brand new "Make A Baby" booth that's just been added to the mall, but every picture she takes with him ends up ugly. When Jen goes in with Jude, their baby is perfect (so are all the other couples, like Wyatt and Marlowe and Darth and Julie), which makes Caitlin break up with her boyfriend and look around the mall for cute boys she can go in with to have a perfect baby.
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TVTranscript
00:00The time's less!
00:09So, Wyatt, how are things going with Marlo?
00:11Yeah, that new girlfriend of yours is H.O.T.
00:16Well, we went to the Rancid Bandage concert on Saturday
00:19and things got a little sweaty.
00:23But then they turned on the A.C.
00:25That kind of sweaty.
00:27Bummer.
00:27That's okay. I'm just taking it slow.
00:30Don't exactly have a stellar track record with girls.
00:32The last thing I want to do is screw things up.
00:34What about you, Nicky?
00:36How are things going with Jonesy?
00:38He's taking me on a so-called romantic movie date this weekend.
00:41Could be good, could be lame.
00:43Stay tuned.
00:48What's that stench?
00:50Gasly!
00:51Chemical spill!
00:52So, guys, like what you smell?
00:56Oh, my word.
00:59Pretty sexy cologne, huh?
01:01Kind of leaves you speechless, doesn't it?
01:05Dates canceled, Jonesy.
01:10Must get air.
01:19Guys, you'll never guess what I saw on my way in.
01:22A baby maker booth.
01:24Did she just say what I think she said?
01:26It's a photo booth, Nicky.
01:28A really cool photo booth.
01:30Why is it called a baby maker booth?
01:31Why is it allowed in the mall?
01:33And why are we even asking?
01:34Because seriously, I don't want to know.
01:36It's called a baby maker booth because it photographs couples
01:39and then spits out a picture of what their future baby might look like.
01:42Future babies?
01:43Cool.
01:44Do they, like, wear little jetpacks and stuff?
01:47Come see for yourselves.
01:48I'm taking Benj there at lunch.
01:51He'll be so excited.
01:53Caitlin, don't you think taking your boyfriend,
01:55who you've only gone on two dates with,
01:58to a baby picture booth
01:59is putting just a little bit of pressure on him?
02:02Oh, no.
02:02He's totally into it.
02:05Ew.
02:06What is that?
02:08Like you haven't smelled cologne before.
02:11From a distance.
02:12Because your girlfriends abandoned you.
02:14Self-defense.
02:16I'm still choking on that rank.
02:19Where did you get it?
02:20From my new job at Purely Petals Florists.
02:22They're having a monster flowers and cologne sale.
02:25Not all sales are alike.
02:27Haven't you heard of the rash or reek rule?
02:30Reduced colognes and perfumes either give you a rash
02:32or make you reek.
02:33Good thing I bought a whole crate of it.
02:35There's a limited range of acceptable scents for men.
02:38And that one is so not one of them.
02:40So I didn't pick the right cologne.
02:42Big whoop.
02:43It's not like the Jones Meister needs any help to smell good.
02:47In fact, I'll bet my natural smell is a chick magnet.
02:51Jonesy, a week without pit juice
02:53and you'd smell worse than the loathsome washrooms.
02:55Just like the rest of us.
02:56Actually, after about a week,
02:58you probably wouldn't smell so bad.
03:01Huh?
03:01Stink cycle, dudes.
03:03Stinks always start off bad.
03:05Then after about a week, they get better.
03:09Spoken by the true voice of experience.
03:11I think it's time we separated the men from the boys
03:14with a little something called a man-off.
03:16A man-off?
03:17A contest to see which guy has the best natural scent
03:21after one week of not cleaning.
03:23That means no baths, no showers, no cologne, deodorant, or soap.
03:27Who's in?
03:28You had me at no baths.
03:30I'm in.
03:31It can't be serious.
03:33You want me to stink for an entire week
03:35just to prove my manliness to you?
03:36Like you don't need to,
03:38mister I'm too nervous to use the men's washroom.
03:41Admit it.
03:42You always run home at lunch when you gotta go.
03:45Hey, I used the washrooms once last month.
03:47It was a Tuesday.
03:51Fine.
03:52When do we start?
03:53Having your boyfriend enter a man-sync contest?
03:56Whoa, that's a low point in any relationship.
03:59On the bright side, Nikki,
04:01it can't be worse than his cologne.
04:07So, how does this thing work again?
04:09We just go in together
04:10and the camera takes pictures of both of us.
04:12Then it prints out a picture
04:13of what our baby would look like.
04:15Isn't that amazing?
04:17Oh, yeah.
04:17A real party.
04:19Count me out.
04:20Me too.
04:20I'm not going in that thing.
04:22It's just a waste of money.
04:23Total waste of money.
04:24A huge waste of money.
04:25So let's not go in.
04:26For that reason.
04:28Mm-hmm.
04:28For that reason.
04:29Exactly.
04:32I can't believe you guys are dying to try this.
04:34Because I know we are.
04:36Right, Benj?
04:37Oh, yeah.
04:38Dying.
04:39Absolutely.
04:42So what do you think it'll be?
04:44Boy or girl?
04:45Boy, definitely.
04:46For a girl,
04:47what do you think of the name Emma?
04:49Loving it?
04:50Well, names aren't always easy to agree on.
04:53But we can agree on
04:55how beautiful our girl's gonna be.
04:57Hee!
04:59Ah!
05:04Something wrong?
05:05My baby!
05:07It's ugly!
05:08What?
05:09There's no such thing as an ugly baby.
05:12Oh!
05:13You'd think so,
05:14but you'd be wrong.
05:17Ha ha ha ha!
05:18Oh, congratulations, guys!
05:20It's a monkey!
05:22Alien dude,
05:23we come in peace.
05:26Ha ha ha!
05:28Ha ha ha!
05:29Ha ha ha!
05:30Ha ha ha!
05:30Ha ha ha!
05:30Ha ha ha ha!
05:30Ha ha ha ha!
05:32Ha ha ha ha!
05:40This can't be!
05:42You slouched.
05:44You didn't smile.
05:44That's why the photo was so ugly.
05:46We'll fix this.
05:48One more time.
05:49Uh, maybe later.
05:51I've, uh...
05:52I've gotta be...
05:53Somewhere.
05:54Bye.
05:56Caitlin, I'm sure that booth just prints out random baby pictures and throws in some ugly
06:00ones as a joke.
06:02Watch.
06:02Jude and I will probably get an ugly baby, too.
06:09It's beautiful!
06:11It's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen!
06:14Ah!
06:16Hey there, little dude.
06:23Any particular reason why you have your baby booth photo up there?
06:26It was too big to fit in my wallet.
06:30Future Man Off Champ!
06:31In the house!
06:33You guys must be stinking in your boots knowing how bad I'm gonna beat you.
06:37I'm telling you, dudes.
06:38Stink cycle.
06:39I already got a four-day head start on you not showering.
06:43Never been a big fan.
06:44Jude, you work in an ice rink where it's too cold to break a sweat.
06:48Jonesy, you work at a florist surrounded by sweet-smelling flowers.
06:51How is that fair?
06:52You mean compared to your job?
06:54Working in a greasy, hot, rancity, meat-filled burger joint?
06:57It's not.
06:58So I should stay in your stupid man-smell contest because...
07:01I knew you'd try to weasel out of this!
07:04So I decided to make two trophies.
07:06One for Man Off Champ, the guy with the best scent.
07:08And one for Man Off Chump, the guy with the worst scent.
07:12That's you.
07:13What?
07:13No, it isn't.
07:15Oh, yes, it is.
07:16By backing out of the contest, you admit that you reeked the worst.
07:19I can't wait to show this baby to your girlfriend.
07:23Fine.
07:24Promise not to say anything to Marlo and I'll stay in.
07:28My rancity, meat-filled job calls.
07:30All right!
07:31I knew that would keep him in.
07:32Once again, our Man Off is Man On.
07:40Nasty!
07:41Wyatt, a minute.
07:42Just because a kid threw up on your uniform doesn't mean you can ignore our smile every ten seconds rule.
07:50Better.
07:50You now have nine seconds to prepare for the next one.
07:55Are the onions off?
07:57Onions!
07:58Yeah, that's it.
07:59Hi, Wyatt.
08:00Is it your break time yet?
08:29I, uh...
08:31I heard Rachel McAdams was spotted wearing them last week.
08:34Ew, this peach is rotten.
08:36That's because it's a kiwi.
08:37That's the only kiwi I want!
08:39No way!
08:40Get your O!
08:40With that much fruit on your head, you guys look like Carmen Miranda.
08:44Carmen Electra wears these too?
08:47Yay!
08:48Hey, babe.
08:49For tonight's date, I was thinking we'd start by going...
08:52Ew, ew!
08:52Get away from me!
08:53Oh, come on!
08:54You love my rugged man smell.
08:56Sorry, Jonesy, but you smell revolting.
08:58Playing hard to get?
08:59I'm into that.
09:04Oh, never thought I'd be happy to sniff clone fumes.
09:09Oh, who tooted?
09:13Nikki, it's hard to make out with you when you keep moving away like that.
09:16Until you shower, Jonesy, my lips are off limits.
09:20But I can't shower for three more days.
09:22I can't go three days without affection.
09:24My lips will shrivel up.
09:27Please, babe, just a peck on the cheek to get me through the day.
09:31Ew!
09:32Stench!
09:33He's not even wearing khaki barn cologne.
09:36Get away from us!
09:37Hey!
09:39Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
09:46Wyatt, you're late.
09:47Where are you?
09:49I'm on my way.
09:50Go inside the booth.
09:51I'll meet you there.
10:00Babe, was that you?
10:02Oh, yeah.
10:03I just realized I forgot my wallet at work.
10:05Sorry.
10:09Oh, Wyatt.
10:11This is our baby, all right.
10:15Another perfect baby?
10:17Everyone who steps in this stupid booth has a beautiful baby except for me.
10:21That can't be true.
10:23Oh, yes.
10:25It's cute, isn't it?
10:26Isn't it?
10:27Uh, Caitlin, I gotta go.
10:30You mothers of beautiful babies are all the same.
10:33It's always me, me, me!
10:39Do you really want to try this again?
10:41I'm sure Benj couldn't care less about some dumb fake baby photo.
10:45He shouldn't.
10:46I dumped him this morning.
10:47What?
10:48But yesterday you said you thought Benj was the one.
10:51He was her twelfth the one.
10:53Not that I'm counting.
10:54I have to find the guy who can give me a cute baby.
10:56A guy whose overall hotness will finally tip the scales in my favor.
11:01Cover boy here ought to do it.
11:10No!
11:16Jonesy, quit stalking me.
11:18I like my men bathed.
11:20So until you are, keep a healthy distance.
11:23Oh, man, I can't take much more of this.
11:26I gotta get the guys to cave.
11:28Jude ought to be easy, but Wyatt?
11:29I'll have to catch him cheating or something to get him to fold.
11:33Well, speak of the devil.
12:03I'll have to catch him.
12:06Care to try a spritz of our newest cologne?
12:08Come on, Wyatt.
12:09Be bad.
12:10You know you want to be.
12:11Take the free sample.
12:12I don't know.
12:14I just don't know.
12:16Well, well.
12:17Look who's creeping around like some unspayed tomcat.
12:21Trying to spy here.
12:22A little quiet, please.
12:24Illicit surveillance.
12:25Disrespecting authority.
12:26Can't to make it three for three by resisting arrest, Mr.
12:29Mr.
12:31What is it?
12:31Smells like a cow patty.
12:34Cow patties make me...
12:39I'm sorry, but I can't possibly accept any scent that covers my natural manly aroma.
12:46Good day.
12:51Oh, no.
12:52More man stink.
12:54Hey!
12:55Finally.
12:56The crappy bard makes something useful.
12:59Ladies.
13:01So, Nikki.
13:02I need your help buying some baby clothes.
13:05Excuse me?
13:06Baby clothes.
13:07Something extra styling so my little dude here knows he's special.
13:11Uh, right.
13:18Heavy.
13:20Sorry.
13:22Long lunch break.
13:23For a size zero, she could really drag a heavy load.
13:27What's with the photo booth?
13:29That?
13:29It's, uh, so I can take pictures of all my best customers.
13:32To give them discounts.
13:34Hey!
13:35Close call on the cologne spritz, huh, cheater?
13:38Since when do you start checking up on me?
13:40Since you started looking twice at water fountains.
13:43Guys, this man-off has gotten way out of hand.
13:45It's not about who smells the best anymore.
13:47It's about who smells the least horrible.
13:50And it's gotten really nasty.
13:51Which would be hilarious if it didn't affect me so directly.
13:55We're not stopping the man-off.
13:56Unless, of course, Wyatt wants to drop out for real this time.
14:00You wish.
14:01The best smell winner's gonna be either you or me.
14:03Which is a nice way of saying it'll be me.
14:05What about Jude?
14:06I think we can all agree that Jude and Hygiene have never been on a first-name basis.
14:11There are still three days left in the man-off.
14:13So don't let me catch you washing your hands with spit again.
14:16Because from now on, spit counts as a cleaning fluid.
14:25Oh!
14:25Yeah!
14:35Hey!
14:36Aww!
14:38Hey!
14:39Oh, that's fun.
14:40Free photo with me in the photo booth?
14:42Please say yes!
14:43Pardon me?
14:44Close enough.
14:45Come on!
14:46I don't have all day.
14:48If you take my photo, can I get a discount?
14:50Guys only!
14:56Next!
14:58Huh?
15:00You're cheating again, aren't you?
15:02Me?
15:02What about you?
15:03I don't cheat, Wyatt.
15:05I'm only here to keep an eye on your cheating.
15:07You're here to wash your armpits, aren't you?
15:08Keep your spit hands to yourself.
15:12I'm here to help.
15:13Yo, Jen!
15:14You and I should have a mom and pop talk over some grindage about our chip off the old Jude
15:19-ster.
15:20Jude!
15:21You're really starting to freak people out.
15:23Your little dude son?
15:24It's a photo.
15:25A printout.
15:26It's not real!
15:27It's cool.
15:28I'm used to being a single parent.
15:30Just keep the holidays open for us to visit.
15:34Ugh!
15:35Work break's almost over.
15:36I can hold it.
15:37But can you?
15:38Yeah!
15:39Fine!
15:44Hey!
15:46Wyatt?
15:47Marlo, hi!
15:48You, uh, use washrooms too?
15:50Wyatt, I heard about your man-off competition.
15:52You did?
15:53Who told you?
15:54Jen and Nikki.
15:55The fruit clips on their noses kind of gave it away.
15:59I don't care if you have B.O.
16:01You don't?
16:02Of course not.
16:03The biggest rock stars in the world all stink.
16:06B.O. is rock and roll, baby.
16:08I didn't think of it that way.
16:10I'll see you at the judging tomorrow.
16:12Go get him, tiger.
16:13Thanks.
16:16You obviously want a truce.
16:18And you don't?
16:20Okay, okay.
16:21But just until we're done.
16:26I'm keeping my eye on you, Jonesy.
16:29Just not at this particular moment.
16:33All right, stink boys.
16:35One by one, each of you will walk toward us, the judges.
16:38When your reek becomes too much for us to take, we will yell at you to stop.
16:43The guy who makes it closest to us wins.
16:45Wyatt, you're up first.
16:47Shields down.
16:49Go.
17:03Ew, don't be holding it.
17:05Enough.
17:06Wow, I made it pretty close.
17:09I mustn't be as smelly as I thought.
17:11Forget rock star stink.
17:13You're not even at boy band stink.
17:15You're disappointed?
17:16Stink doesn't make the star Wyatt.
17:19And now, the moment we've all been dreading, Jonesy.
17:24Go.
17:30Oh, come on.
17:32You've got to be kidding.
17:35It's disgusting.
17:39That is the grossest reek ever.
17:43Ew, it's in my nose.
17:45I can't get it out of my nose.
17:50Oh, man, this contest is fixed.
17:53Jude, let's get this over with.
17:55Where's your baby pitcher?
17:57I decided little dude needs a big dude who can be more of an authority figure to him.
18:03Because kids really need discipline.
18:06Oh, you gave L.D. up for adoption?
18:11It's all for the best.
18:15Is it just me?
18:16Or does Jude just smell like Jude?
18:19He never showered much to begin with.
18:21He's always had a faint, lingering odor.
18:23We have a winner.
18:26Sweet!
18:27I'd like to thank the stink cycle for all it's given me over the years.
18:32Peace out!
18:33No way!
18:34I demand a re-sniff.
18:37Jonesy, your B.O. killed every flower I had.
18:40Huh?
18:41You're fired.
18:42What?
18:42I'm sorry, don't even...
18:43No, you're fired.
18:45Ahem.
18:46I've received numerous complaints of unladylike behavior at this unlawfully moved photo booth.
18:52Which of you lowlifes is responsible?
18:56Oh, it's the booth's fault.
18:57No matter who I pose with, this booth prints out butt-ugly baby pictures.
19:01And I've posed with every single cute guy I could find.
19:05I don't recall being asked.
19:09Like I have a choice now.
19:17She's beautiful!
19:19She's beautiful!
19:20My baby is beautiful!
19:23Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
19:27Well, unless you want a ticket, I suggest you return this booth to its rightful spot across the hall from
19:33Belts, Belts, Belts.
19:36Hmm, cute kid.
19:40Guys, there's still the man-off chump trophy to hand out.
19:44Oh, Jonesy.
19:48Uh...
19:48I don't think I will.
19:49Go ahead, buddy.
19:50You deserve it.
19:51Aw, man!
19:56I'm telling you, I've never left a bigger ring around the tub than I did last night.
20:00My mom made Jonesy run all his clothes through the wash twice just to get out the stench.
20:05Yeah, well, at least Nicky's back to finding the Jones-meister irresistible again.
20:11Hmm.
20:12It's amazing how charming a man-off chump can be when he showers.
20:16Man-off champ!
20:19Jude, Lizowski, and all it took was two weeks of not showering.
20:24Ugh!
20:24Such class!
20:25Two weeks?
20:26Two weeks?
20:26Two weeks?
20:27Whoa-hoo!
20:28Aw, god.
20:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
20:30Whoa-ha-ha!
20:35Harsh...
20:35A Anyway
20:37Family
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