- 2 days ago
How the Rent-A-Cop Stole Christmas
Ron the Rent-a-Cop seems determined to put an end to Christmas by confiscating all of the Mall decorations and otherwise getting out of control and abusing his power as the head of mall security. Meanwhile, Nikki's mom, Mrs. Wong, doesn't think Jonesy is right for Nikki so she attempts to interfere in her daughter's relationship with Jonesy by setting her up with other boys in the mall.
Ron the Rent-a-Cop seems determined to put an end to Christmas by confiscating all of the Mall decorations and otherwise getting out of control and abusing his power as the head of mall security. Meanwhile, Nikki's mom, Mrs. Wong, doesn't think Jonesy is right for Nikki so she attempts to interfere in her daughter's relationship with Jonesy by setting her up with other boys in the mall.
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TVTranscript
00:13Make a child's holiday happy!
00:16Thanks, dude. Have a candy cane.
00:21Hi there. Are you donating a gift to Toy Mountain?
00:25It's for a little girl like me.
00:28Aw, that's so sweet. You don't happen to know what it is, do you?
00:33That's okay.
00:39Okay, this is huge!
00:42Jen, what's wrong?
00:44I'm surrounded by presents, and I don't know what's in any of them.
00:47So? They're not for you.
00:49You don't understand. This is like torture.
00:51You were one of those little kids who used to try to find all of her Christmas gifts, weren't you?
00:55I still am. Come on, aren't you just a little bit curious?
01:00Don't worry. You'll find out what's in every single one of them at the kids' holiday party this afternoon.
01:06Wow. The Toy Mountain people made you dress up as a reindeer?
01:10No, I wanted to. Do you like my tail?
01:12You dressed up voluntarily. As an animal.
01:15Well, you really are a little Christmas nerd.
01:18I love the holidays.
01:20And I love dressing up.
01:22Jonesy's so lucky.
01:24I wish I was the holiday snowman.
01:27Party! New Year's Eve at my place!
01:31Yeah, baby!
01:34Amazing.
01:36Even in a 50-pound snowman costume, Jonesy is still Jonesy.
01:47Merry Christmas, everyone.
01:50Put a cork in it, Kringle.
01:52Happy holidays!
01:53Climb it, snowman!
01:56I don't like your ears.
01:59They're antlers!
02:01You and your antlers are loitering.
02:03What do you think you're doing?
02:05You know, just binging on sugar, collecting gifts for less fortunate children, planning mass chaos.
02:12The gift collecting part is true.
02:14I'll be watching you, punks.
02:16One false move, and you're mine.
02:20But it's Christmas!
02:22Where's your holiday spirit?
02:24Ho. Ho. Ho.
02:28So, you going to hang with us and collect presents?
02:30Ugh, the crappy barn has me stuck at the wrapping table they sponsored.
02:34At least it all goes to charity.
02:36Come on, cheer up. It could be fun.
02:38Spending my free time with the clones wrapping presents? Couldn't get any worse.
02:43Oh, no.
02:46Mom?
02:47Okay, it just got worse.
02:50Mom, what are you doing here?
02:52I was inspired by all of you kids volunteering.
02:56Plus, it gives us time for some mother-daughter holiday bonding.
02:59Nikki, oh my gosh, your mom is so bank at wrapping presents.
03:04She even wrapped the Kaki Barn sign.
03:07You never said how much fun your co-workers are.
03:10No wonder you spend so much time at the mall.
03:13Aw, Mrs. W, you're so cute!
03:17I'm going to need a very, very large coffee.
03:23This is not good, dude.
03:25Nikki said her mom's going to be in the mall all day.
03:27So?
03:28Nikki's mom loves you.
03:29Nikki's mom loves parental Jonesy.
03:32There's a big difference between him and regular Jonesy.
03:35Parental Jonesy is polite, considerate, has actual, I don't know, goals.
03:41Basically, he's delightful.
03:42And regular Jonesy?
03:44Isn't!
03:44Come on, dude!
03:46I'm not exactly a parent's dream.
03:48I love to party.
03:49I get bad grades.
03:50I get fired.
03:51What about goals?
03:52You have goals.
03:53The biggest goal I have right now is to throw a killer New Year's Eve party and not get caught.
03:58I see your point.
03:59This is serious.
04:00I've worked hard to make a good impression as Nikki's boyfriend, but this is my domain.
04:05My mall!
04:06I don't know if I can be parental Jonesy in regular Jonesy's hood.
04:11Aw.
04:12Maybe I can avoid Nikki's mom in this.
04:14Can you tell it's me?
04:16Nope.
04:16You're cool.
04:20I'm taking this one to the back.
04:23Nikki?
04:24What are you doing here?
04:25I'm hiding from my mother.
04:27Come on.
04:28It can't be that bad.
04:30She's wearing an all-denim suit.
04:33Ew.
04:33Well, at least at the wrapping station, you get to see what everyone is getting.
04:37I have to guess.
04:38This one is boys 8 to 10.
04:40This could be anything.
04:42Sometimes it's better not to know.
04:44Some guy just bought candy cane underwear for his girlfriend.
04:48Ew.
04:49Sticky.
04:50Nikki, report to the wrapping station.
04:52Dad, did I do that right?
04:54Oh, no.
04:55They've taught her how to use the headsets.
04:57Nikki, can you hear me?
04:58Over.
05:00Dear.
05:00Oh, it's like she's in my head.
05:03Nikki!
05:05I'm coming, mother.
05:07One more day.
05:07One more day.
05:09I'm not always going to be a snowman, Mrs. Wong.
05:12I've got plans.
05:14Yo, Jonesy.
05:15Party Saturday night.
05:16Dude, it's going to be off the hook.
05:19I mean, as I was saying, I'm trying to decide between med school and law school.
05:27Education is very important to me.
05:30You just flunked art class, dude.
05:34You're not helping here, Jude.
05:35Sorry.
05:40Potential!
05:42Show me your work.
05:46These corners aren't tight enough.
05:48Do it again!
05:49Sir, yes, sir!
05:50I'm going to confiscate all of your Christmas tree wrapping paper.
05:54Now!
05:55But it's almost popular!
05:56Now, soldier!
05:59Carry on.
06:02Wow, he is not very friendly.
06:05You should have seen him when we stole his golf cart.
06:09I mean, uh, hi, Nikki.
06:12Hi.
06:14Hey, Yoda.
06:15What's that?
06:16It's a Queen Amidala costume for Julie.
06:18We like to role play.
06:23Actually, I think it's sweet that you have a shared interest.
06:27Red Leader, I think we've slipped into an alternate world.
06:31Over.
06:32I copy Gold Leader.
06:35Yes, well, I'm off.
06:36Mrs. Wong, it was a pleasure to see you again.
06:46What do you think this one is?
06:48Beats me.
06:49Girls 12 to 14.
06:51It's kind of heavy.
06:52Could be a CD player.
06:54Or skates.
06:54What is the big deal?
06:56I can't help it.
06:57I have to know.
07:00Oops.
07:00Okay, it's not skates.
07:03Uh-oh.
07:04Here comes the Grinch.
07:05These are a fire hazard.
07:07Wow.
07:08Okay, is it just me, or is Ron really out of control this year?
07:12Did you hear what he just did to Santa?
07:14No loitering in the mall, punk!
07:18I'm not loitering.
07:20I'm Santa Claus.
07:21Don't play games with me, Pudge.
07:24I know your type.
07:26Sitting on your butt all day making promises you can't keep.
07:31But...
07:31That's it!
07:32You're under arrest!
07:33What?
07:33No!
07:37Ron must really hate Christmas.
07:40Yeah.
07:41Hey, man.
07:41How's parental Jonesy going over?
07:43Not so well, dude.
07:44It is seriously stressing me out.
07:46What?
07:47Having Nikki's mom here?
07:48You could turn it into a good thing.
07:50What did you get Nikki for Christmas?
07:53Darn it!
07:53I knew I'd forgotten something!
07:55It's okay.
07:56Just buy her something really thoughtful,
07:58then drop it off at the wrapping station,
08:00and presto!
08:01Instant parental bonus points.
08:03You know, that's not bad, Caitlin.
08:05Thanks!
08:06Hey!
08:06What do you think you're doing?
08:08I'm, uh, taking a break.
08:10You've got five hours to go.
08:11And if I don't see this snowman walking around being all snowmany,
08:16you don't get paid.
08:17Got it?
08:18Yeah, I got it.
08:19Caitlin, you have to shop for me.
08:22Oh, no.
08:22If this is gonna work, it has to be from you.
08:25Mrs. Wong can't suspect a female proxy shopper.
08:28But you heard the guy.
08:29If there's no snowman, there's no cheddar.
08:31If there's no cheddar, there's no gift.
08:32And if there's no gift, parental Jonesy is in big trouble.
08:35Can't you get someone to wear the costume for you for an hour or so?
08:38Ooh, I'll do it.
08:40Seriously?
08:41Yes, yes, yes.
08:41Eee!
08:42It'll be so fun.
08:46There.
08:46You okay in there?
08:48Yep.
08:49No problem.
08:51Thanks, Caitlin.
08:52I owe you one.
08:53I don't know about this.
08:56Oh, don't worry.
08:57I'm fine.
09:00Thanks, guys.
09:02Just point me towards the doors.
09:04Woo, woo, woo.
09:06Happy holidays, shoppers.
09:08We've got to get these gifts grouped by age and by boy versus girl.
09:12I think this is a baby doll.
09:15We could take a tiny peek.
09:20Yes!
09:21See?
09:22No harm, no foul.
09:23Okay, but no more.
09:25I promise.
09:26But I want to piggyback ride both of them.
09:30Stop it!
09:31Please don't do that.
09:33Isn't that Nikki's Jonesy in that costume?
09:41I've never seen anyone blow it in front of a parent that well before.
09:47Girls, do you know any nice single boys?
09:49Hello.
09:50We're in a mall.
09:52It's like Boy Shopping Central.
09:54Good.
09:55Because I think it's time for Nikki to get herself a new boyfriend.
10:04Can I peek?
10:05Please, please, please?
10:07I already let you open three gifts.
10:12Fine.
10:13One more.
10:16The official red Johnson fire engine with extendable ladder and siren action.
10:23They're making these again, brah.
10:25This is the one Hanukkah present I wanted more than anything else when I was five.
10:32But I never got it.
10:34Why not?
10:35It was sold out.
10:36And then, one day, right before the holidays, the toy store got 50 fire engines in.
10:44My parents hurried there.
10:45But they were brutally stampeded in the great red Johnson fire engine rush.
10:52I got a bunny sweater instead.
10:55That's probably why I'm not a fireman today.
10:58And the fact that you're still in high school.
11:00Can I keep it, brah?
11:02No, Jude.
11:03This is for a little boy aged five to eight from the city shelter.
11:07He can have my bunny sweater.
11:09Why don't you just go buy one?
11:11That is an awesome idea, dude.
11:15Red Johnson, here I come.
11:20Hello?
11:21Dude, I'm outside Albatross and Finch.
11:23You have got to come see this.
11:25I think the rent-a-cop has officially lost his toque.
11:28On my way.
11:29Can I trust you not to open any more gifts?
11:43This is classic.
11:47No live trees in the mall.
11:51Cheers.
11:52Oh, Nikki, I have someone I want you to meet.
11:55This is Merrick.
11:57He's a greeter god from Albatross, and he actually agreed to go out with you.
12:02Mom, I have a boyfriend, Jonesy.
12:05You can do better than him.
12:07Merrick here is the assistant manager.
12:10Yeah, and he's a total cheese ball.
12:12Hey.
12:12You're wearing a cowboy hat and flip-flops in December.
12:16I'll go out with you!
12:18I want to go out with him!
12:19No fair!
12:20Mom, just go back to wrapping presents, okay?
12:23Fine.
12:24What about that nice Vulcan boy who stopped by today?
12:28Dars!
12:29Uh, he's not a Vulcan.
12:30He's a Jedi.
12:31And he's taken.
12:32The good ones always are.
12:34Mom, you know Jonesy's a good guy.
12:37I'm not so sure about that.
12:39What is that supposed to mean?
12:43Hey, babe, what's...
12:44Hey!
12:45You fondled some yummy mummy in the atrium and made her little boy cry?
12:49What?
12:50Jonesy, you're fired!
12:53What?
12:53No, I didn't.
12:54Who said that?
12:55My mother.
12:56And now she's trying to set me up with random greeter gods.
12:59I haven't even been in the atrium.
13:01I was buying you a present.
13:03Oh, no.
13:04Caitlin.
13:05What?
13:05Caitlin was wearing the costume for me so I wouldn't get fired.
13:09So much for that plan.
13:10You have to explain it to your mom.
13:12Fine.
13:13Just try not to do anything too...
13:15Jonesy for the next few hours.
13:19You can't be sold out, dude.
13:23Sorry.
13:24The fire truck's a hot item.
13:26This can't be happening again.
13:36Jen, dude is super bummed about the fire engine.
13:40Can we give it to him?
13:41I'll buy a toy for the mountain.
13:42I would, but we'd never find it.
13:45We kind of have a situation here.
13:49Never mind.
13:50I think I know one place dude hasn't checked.
13:53What did you do?
13:56Check out my gift for Nikki.
13:58It's an atlas of the world that fits in your backpack.
14:01She can take it with her when she goes traveling.
14:03Yeah, Jonesy.
14:04That's great.
14:05Come on.
14:06It's the perfect gift.
14:07It's thoughtful, cool, useful.
14:09What the heck?
14:11There's hundreds of gifts here.
14:13I'm sorry.
14:14I got carried away.
14:16We just have to re-wrap them.
14:18Are you good at wrapping?
14:20Me neither.
14:22What are we going to do?
14:23Don't look at me.
14:24I've got to go drop this off to be wrapped,
14:26then find Caitlyn and kick her butt for groping some lady in front of Nikki's mom.
14:32Hello.
14:33Have you seen any fire trucks around here?
14:36Uh, okay.
14:38You're actually kind of heavy.
14:48That's it!
14:57Make way!
14:59Mall emergency!
15:01Hey!
15:04Hoping we can use this together one day, love Jonesy.
15:09Isn't that nice?
15:10Maybe I was a little hard on him.
15:16Edible candy cane underwear?
15:18Oh, he is so shut down!
15:21What?
15:21Those are for me?
15:26Jonesy, could you come to the wrapping station for a second?
15:30I'm guessing you opened my gift?
15:33You bought me candy underwear?
15:35Yep.
15:36What?
15:36No!
15:37And you were going to have my mom wrap it?
15:39Are you completely insane?
15:40Hold on a minute!
15:41I bought you something completely different!
15:43I told you you could do better!
15:45I have it!
15:46I found Jude's toy!
15:48It was all her idea!
15:49I didn't buy those!
15:51This gift is proof, dear.
15:52Buy what?
15:53She's never like Jonesy!
15:56All right, what's all the ruckus?
15:58Excuse me?
15:58How long would it take to wrap 879 presents?
16:07You can't do this on Christmas Eve!
16:09I want my one phone call!
16:13Santa?
16:15Wow.
16:17This guy really hates Christmas.
16:19Let us out of here!
16:20This is false imprisonment!
16:22Are those Christmas carols?
16:25Eggnog, anyone?
16:26I'll take a nog, dude.
16:28Look, I get that you hate Christmas.
16:30And you probably hate us, too.
16:33But we really need to get back out there.
16:36There's going to be hundreds of kids expecting a holiday party with presents.
16:40And no one is there to hand them out.
16:41Or wrap them.
16:43Do I smell turkey?
16:46Why, yes, you do.
16:47I'm heating some turkey dinners in the microwave.
16:50Back in a jiff.
16:51Relax.
16:52Anyone else think this is creepy?
16:55Just lightly.
16:56Well, here's to another Hanukkah with no fire truck.
17:01We weren't going to wait until tonight, but this sucks so bad, we might as well do something fun.
17:08Happy Hanukkah, Jude!
17:10We all chipped in.
17:12Here's the official Red Johnson fire engine with extendable ladder and siren action!
17:18First made in 1968 with twin ladders, 14 real rubber tires, and a siren.
17:23My dad gave me one of those on Christmas Day.
17:27Right before he headed off to war.
17:31I played with it every day until one summer that little fire engine kept rolling, rolling down the sidewalk,
17:39then down the pier and into the ocean, and then blammo!
17:43A great white shark snapped it up in its jaws and swam off with it!
17:48It was the darkest day of my life.
17:57Here, dude.
17:58You need this more than I do.
18:03Son, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
18:09You're free to go.
18:11Go on.
18:12Go!
18:13Get out of here!
18:23Wait a minute.
18:24Ron doesn't hate Christmas.
18:27He's lonely.
18:29He was waiting for us to slip up so he could arrest us.
18:32You mean he locked us up because he had no one else to hang out with?
18:36What about that picture on his desk?
18:38The one with his family?
18:39Oh my gosh!
18:41That's the picture that comes with the frame.
18:42I just bought the same one for my mom.
18:45Wow.
18:45That is sad.
18:47I can still hear you.
18:49Sorry.
18:50Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
18:53Totally.
18:54We need more eggnog.
19:01Oh, I've never been to a Christmas party before.
19:05Am I dressed all right?
19:07Do I look Christmassy?
19:10I just wish we'd had time to re-wrap all of the gifts.
19:13It's just not as much fun when you don't get to pull off the wrapping.
19:17And whose fault is that?
19:24The gifts are all wrapped.
19:28But who could have done it?
19:30Else?
19:31Surprise!
19:33Mom, you did this?
19:36With a little help from Kristen and Kirsten, of course.
19:39Maybe having you around here isn't such a bad thing after all.
19:42Have all these presents been approved for, small children?
19:47I mean, um...
19:49Ho, ho, ho.
19:50That's the spirit.
19:51I underestimated you, Jonesy.
19:53Well, you did think I groped some lady and bought your daughter candy underwear.
19:58Here, Nikki.
19:59We figured out which gift was supposed to be yours.
20:05A travel atlas?
20:07Jonesy, this is...
20:08This is a really great gift.
20:11Did you pick it out yourself?
20:12Guilty as charged.
20:13So, do you think parental Jonesy and regular Jonesy can coexist?
20:18You know about that?
20:20That depends.
20:21Can parental Jonesy kiss you in front of your mom?
20:24Oh, I think so.
20:27Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
20:30Happy holidays, everyone!
20:33Ho, ho, ho, ho!
20:35Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
20:35Ho, ho, ho, ho!
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