- 2 days ago
The Big Sickie
The gang all agree: work sucks, and they need a day off. Jonesy, having gotten a new job at the amusement park, offers to sneak them in for a day off. Everyone is for it, except Jen. Therefore, the gang makes numerous attempts to get her to call in sick. Nikki doesn't accept Caitlin as a friend, since she has known the others since kindergarten. But eventually the two find common ground when Nikki notices Caitlin isn't as obnoxious as she seems. Jen ends up going to the amusement park, where Coach Halder catches her and puts her on probation; she doesn't care, and continues having fun.
The gang all agree: work sucks, and they need a day off. Jonesy, having gotten a new job at the amusement park, offers to sneak them in for a day off. Everyone is for it, except Jen. Therefore, the gang makes numerous attempts to get her to call in sick. Nikki doesn't accept Caitlin as a friend, since she has known the others since kindergarten. But eventually the two find common ground when Nikki notices Caitlin isn't as obnoxious as she seems. Jen ends up going to the amusement park, where Coach Halder catches her and puts her on probation; she doesn't care, and continues having fun.
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TVTranscript
00:00Time's Less!
00:06I understand now.
00:09It's like looking into the heart of the universe
00:11and finding, like, only your own soul.
00:15And it's yellow.
00:19Ouch! Got you, Lemonhead!
00:22Nice shot, dude.
00:25You're so never getting these back, you little brat.
00:30Here you go.
00:36I live in a lemon.
00:37There's no amount of foundation that can hide my shame.
00:41I hear ya, brah.
00:42I mean, working at Stick It looks easy, but...
00:46Whoa.
00:47Wait a second.
00:49It is easy.
00:51One more day. Just one more day.
00:53What's with him?
00:56Dude, you look terrible.
00:58There's a sale on country records this week.
01:00All week.
01:01That doesn't sound so bad.
01:04You don't understand.
01:05All they've been playing is country music.
01:07I've had discussions about old country versus new country,
01:10and I'm starting to form an opinion.
01:13Dude, no.
01:14Dude, yes.
01:17Don't touch that.
01:19It's therapy.
01:20Chill, man.
01:22I don't hear anything.
01:24White noise.
01:25It clears your mind of all music.
01:27The way Sorbet cleanses the palate.
01:30Dude.
01:31I think you should take that away from him.
01:33You don't want him to accidentally erase any more brain cells.
01:35If I hear Bobby's got a fry.
01:38One more time, I'm gonna full on lose it.
01:40I mean it.
01:41No middle ground.
01:42How many coffees have you had today?
01:44Three.
01:45Not counting this.
01:46I didn't get any sleep last night.
01:48I was afraid to have the dream again.
01:49What dream?
01:50The one about the cowboy who thinks I'm the one who ran away with his wife to the big city,
01:54and he's coming to kick my...
02:02What's the rush, man?
02:05You look familiar.
02:06What's your name again?
02:18It was just a dream, Wyatt.
02:20Not all cowboys are out to get you.
02:23I need a lemon whip.
02:24Fast.
02:25I'm on it.
02:26Man, if I'm late, I'm toast.
02:28Hey, guys.
02:28What's up?
02:30Hi, Nikki.
02:31Anyway.
02:32What's with you?
02:33I'm just a little tense about work.
02:35Coach kicking your butt again?
02:37He's like this psycho prison guard.
02:39I just got off probation, and if I'm late, I'll go right back on.
02:42But you're the best worker, like, ever.
02:44Yeah, like, really.
02:46I'm just trying to...
02:50So...
02:50What do you want probation for?
02:52I folded some sweatshirts instead of hanging them on the rack.
02:55And you didn't get jail time?
02:57Here, try this.
03:02This sucks!
03:03I haven't exactly gotten to lemon whips in the manual yet.
03:06Ladies, gentlemen, one and all, the Jones Meister is here.
03:10Nice outfit.
03:12You like it?
03:13Uh, you look like an idiot?
03:14Insult me all you like.
03:16I know you want me.
03:18What's with the long faces?
03:19Work sucks!
03:21Whoa.
03:22I feel your pain, and I have come to the rescue.
03:25You're looking at the newest staff member at the Galleria Mall Amusement Park.
03:31Dude!
03:33Dude!
03:37Great.
03:38And I have to spend the afternoon ducking rednecks.
03:40Do you, though?
03:41Take a day off, and I'll sneak you into the amusement park for an all-expenses-paid mental health day.
03:46Can you do that?
03:47Oh, yeah.
03:49There's a side door.
03:50I can sneak you all in.
03:52It'd be better than working.
03:53I'm in.
03:54Anything would be better than another minute in a giant lemon.
03:57No way!
03:58There's no way I'm calling in sick and going to the amusement park.
04:02Why not?
04:03Hello?
04:04I just got off probation.
04:05If I get caught, I might get fired.
04:07That's not so bad.
04:08It happens to me every day.
04:10Come on, Jen.
04:11It'll be fun!
04:13Well...
04:14What am I thinking?
04:16No!
04:16I've got to go to work!
04:18Jen, it's your duty to take the day off work.
04:23No, it's your destiny.
04:26Destiny?
04:26He's on a roll.
04:28Calling in sick is like a necessary part of the evolutionary process.
04:32What are you talking about?
04:33Where would the human race be without the sick day?
04:37We'd still be living in trees, eating bananas and fish and things.
04:43We're humans because millions of years ago, some ape took a day off and invented tools.
04:50That ape decided, I'm not going into the tree today.
04:53I'm going to go build a small car out of rocks or maybe teach a cow to give me some
04:58milk.
04:59Next thing you know, we're golfing on the moon, which further illustrates my point because, like, even at the point
05:07where the astronauts were pulling this mad historical move, they recognize the opportunity for goofing off.
05:13It's like, one small step for man.
05:16Dude, let's spin a few donuts in my moon buggy.
05:20The sick day isn't just a fun thing to do, it's a fundamental right of every man, woman and child.
05:32Where's Jen?
05:33She left a couple minutes ago.
05:35Bummer.
05:36Good speech, though.
05:37I gotta rock.
05:38Are you guys in?
05:39Definitely we're in.
05:40We?
05:41Since when were you part of we?
05:43I'll be the judge of this.
05:44She's hot.
05:45She's fun.
05:46She's in.
05:47I'll be at the park.
05:47Call me on my cell when you're on your way.
05:49Later.
05:50It is now 0956 hours.
05:52We make our excuses at our respective places of employment and rendezvous back here at 1030 hours.
05:57Mark.
05:57Mark.
05:58I'm sorry.
05:59Okay then.
06:02Hey, do you guys know who my boss is?
06:05Welcome to the khaki park.
06:07Have a khaki day.
06:11Listen up.
06:14I'm taking the day off.
06:16This may be short notice, but I have this friend who arrives suddenly from out of town.
06:21Now this friend, she comes once a month to see me and quite frankly, I don't enjoy her visits.
06:27In fact, she makes me kind of crazy.
06:31So for your safety and the safety of the fine patrons of the khaki barn, I'm taking the day off.
06:37Any objections?
06:39Fine.
06:40See ya.
06:42See ya.
06:48Ohhhh.
06:49Ohhhh.
06:50Ohhhh.
06:51Mmmmm.
06:52Mmmmm.
06:53Mmmmm.
06:53Wyatt.
06:53What's wrong, man?
06:55Migraine.
06:56Too much pixie hicks.
06:57Can't.
06:58Take.
06:59The whining.
07:00Losing my sense of self.
07:02Man, I understand.
07:03I've been there.
07:05Go home. Get into a dark room. Put on some Coldplay, or some old talking heads can help.
07:13Radiohead.
07:14Even better.
07:26Mission accomplished!
07:28Hmm. There. Nope.
07:36Sweet.
07:42Excuse me, dude. Can I have the Polish sausage stick it?
07:50Flawless. I rule.
08:01Hey, what's up?
08:03Nikki. Mission accomplished. I'm heading for the rendezvous point.
08:06Me too. Have you heard from Jude?
08:09Hey, what's up?
08:10Hey, Jude. I've conferenced you in. Wyatt?
08:12Hey, dude.
08:14Hey.
08:16Wyatt.
08:17Hey, hang on. I'll conference you in.
08:20Hello?
08:20Jonesy.
08:21Nikki.
08:22Dude.
08:23Jude.
08:24Oh, hang on. I got a call.
08:27Hey, it's me.
08:28Oh, it's you. Hang on.
08:31Guys, I've conferenced in Malibu Juice Barbie.
08:34Hey.
08:35Hey.
08:35Hey.
08:36Hey.
08:37Are you guys all set?
08:38We're all at the rendezvous.
08:40Wait a minute.
08:40Where's Jen?
08:41Hang on. I'll conference her in.
08:48Boy, the graphite seems to have a greater tensile strength allowing me to utilize all the power I can generate
08:53in my swing. Don't you find?
08:55Absolutely, sir. It's very strong.
08:57Of course, the wood has a pleasing traditional aesthetic quality that will impress the ladies at the club and, well,
09:03that's important too, right?
09:04That's true. If they're over 60.
09:08Excuse me for a second, please.
09:10Hello?
09:10Jen, where are you?
09:12Yeah, we're totally waiting for you at the lemon. Come on.
09:14I told you I'm not coming.
09:17But it won't be the same without you.
09:19Ow.
09:20Come on, Jen. It'll be fun.
09:22I can't. I don't want to lose my job.
09:24I'm trying to be responsible.
09:26That's so overrated.
09:27I've gotta go.
09:29Ow.
09:30Oopsie.
09:32Ow.
09:33Ow.
09:34I'm hanging up now. I've got golf balls to clean up.
09:37Ouch.
09:38Ouchie.
09:39Owly.
09:40Ow.
09:40So, what'll it be, wood or graphite?
09:46I guess Jen's out.
09:47I'm not giving up yet. Give us an hour, Jonesy. She'll be there.
09:53Jen seems to have lost her perspective in this particular situation.
09:58For once, you've made a truly lucid comment.
10:00No need to insult me, dude.
10:02It's up to us to give her that perspective back.
10:04It's time for an intervention.
10:07Alright, you guys. I have a plan.
10:09Sweet.
10:10I'm in. Hang on.
10:15Ready.
10:16Oh, wait.
10:17I made this last week.
10:19It'll be the perfect cover.
10:21Closed for emergency pedicure?
10:24Okay, here's what we do.
10:30Welcome to the Catchy Party.
10:32Happy Catchy Day.
10:46My friend says I need shopping therapy.
10:50I'm gonna use my employee discount for these items.
10:53And these.
10:54And these.
10:55You know?
10:56I think that today, the employee discount is 90%.
11:00Hm?
11:00Any problems with that?
11:02Good.
11:02Put it on my tab.
11:04Later.
11:06Do you have capris to match this?
11:07Come on.
11:08If you're gonna follow me around, you might as well make yourself useful.
11:11Are you gonna let me in on your plan now?
11:13Just leave it to the professionals.
11:20Here you go.
11:22Two name tags.
11:36Here you go.
11:37Two name tags.
11:43Excuse me.
11:44Could I please have some service?
11:50Please?
11:55Could I?
11:56Dude.
11:57Yo, sorry.
11:58Wow.
12:00Nasty.
12:02Why don't they ever clean these washrooms?
12:05They're totally gag-worthy.
12:08Yeah, like totally.
12:10You know, you're like totally putting the itch in bi-
12:12Whoa, my little lemon-squeezing waif.
12:15You think you can just waltz into our lives and join the crew like some kind of insta-friend?
12:19I've known these guys since kindergarten.
12:21We have history.
12:22All I know about you is that you wear a lot of pink.
12:26I didn't think I could hold my breath that long.
12:30Let's see.
12:31Hmm.
12:32Not bad.
12:33Where are the name tags?
12:35I left them on the counter.
12:38Well, go get them.
12:39And I'll meet you at the penalty box in 15.
12:41I can't go back in there.
12:43I-I can't.
12:45You can.
12:45I can't.
12:47We'll do it together.
12:53Oh, brother.
12:55Ugh.
12:55Why is it guys can make all kinds of stinks themselves, but they can't stand anyone else's?
13:00Oh, I know.
13:04Let's go.
13:04We've got work to do.
13:06We do?
13:08Come on.
13:11Oh, my lord.
13:13Why?
13:14Why?
13:14Come on.
13:15Dude, don't look in stall two.
13:17Whatever you do.
13:19Oh!
13:20Dude, I told you not to look.
13:28Eh, penalty box.
13:29Where we always get two minutes for slicing prices.
13:32Coach Holder here.
13:33I need to talk to Jennifer Masterson, please.
13:35This phone isn't for personal calls.
13:37It's an emergency.
13:39It's an emergency.
13:40This is her sister, Vicki.
13:42Um, her aunt has had a terrible fall, and we need Jen to come to the hospital right away.
13:48Oh, my.
13:49I'll get her right away.
13:52Wait, wait.
13:53Hold it up, Smokey.
13:56On her application, Jen didn't mention any sisters.
13:59Uh, um, I suffer from chronic shyness, so Jen didn't mention me because, you know, it might expose me to
14:07emotional distress.
14:08She has to come quickly.
14:10Aunt Beryl hit her head and lost her memory, and she's, she's calling out for Jen.
14:17If she's lost her memory, how can she be calling out for Jen? How about that, huh?
14:22Um, wait, it's a medical mystery, but that's what she keeps screaming over and over.
14:28Jen!
14:29Jen!
14:30Jen!
14:31I'll get Jen right away.
14:33Hurry, man!
14:34Hurry!
14:36Masterson!
14:36Phone!
14:37Emergency at home!
14:38Your Aunt Beryl had a fall!
14:40My Aunt who?
14:41Hello?
14:42Hey, it's me.
14:43We're breaking you out.
14:44I'm not going.
14:46Why don't you just go with Caitlyn and the guys?
14:48Little Miss Powderpuff?
14:50Are you kidding me?
14:50You can't ditch me with her.
14:52I told you I'm not going.
14:54Leave me alone.
14:56You need this sick day more than you know.
15:00What now?
15:01Plan B.
15:04Awesome.
15:07This high def is like you're actually in the movie.
15:13Come on!
15:15Where are they?
15:16They should be here by now.
15:18We'll have to stall.
15:19Leave it to me.
15:21We don't need longer, thicker lashes right this minute.
15:24Let a professional work.
15:26Ouch!
15:36What the?
15:38Caitlyn!
15:39Oh, Jen!
15:40You've got to come!
15:42Aunt Beryl isn't going to make it!
15:44Get off me!
15:45I'm not coming and that's final!
15:47You'll never forgive yourself if you don't come!
15:50We need y'all!
15:52What's going on over here?
15:54Coach Halder!
15:56She's so brave!
15:57She doesn't want to leave work even to see her poor Don and Betty!
16:03Beryl!
16:04But we need her!
16:06We need her strength more than ever!
16:08Huh!
16:11The girl's got talent!
16:12Finally!
16:14Oh no!
16:16It's more desperate than I thought!
16:20Ah!
16:21Ah!
16:21Ah!
16:24I'm so glad you're here paramedic John Gage and...
16:28Dude, I'm totally a paramedic?
16:31We're here to take you to the hospital!
16:33Yeah, like stat!
16:34I am NOT going anywhere she's in denial do something you'd better go Jen your
16:40aunt may not have much time I'm not going anywhere this is all she's in shock
16:46start a ringer lactate solution 200 CC is riddling stat you take as long as you
17:01need Jen we're all about family here at the penalty box some things are even
17:05more important than work oh wow I wish I was a paramedic start start not it's fun
17:14aunt Beryl has you to thank for fulfilling her darn wish hey don't you
17:19work in the lemon yeah
17:21small world huh
17:27friendly box coach Alder speaking yes mmm hello this is Jen's father we need her
17:34to come home right now there's a bit of food fight foods everywhere we need
17:39someone to clean it up oh I see oh I'll send her home right away yeah thank you
17:49mm-hmm thank you oh I'm good
17:55cover me you guys are so dead when I get off this thing don't be mad Jen we did
18:03it for you if I get caught I'll lose my job you won't get caught we pulled it off
18:09man you're free as a bird I guess you're right although I am strapped to a table
18:16yeah well freedom is relative
18:21welcome to my world friends enjoy come on you're gonna thank us for this
18:31yeah
18:33oh
18:33oh
18:35oh
18:36oh
18:36excellent
18:37all right
18:38yeah
18:42oh
18:43oh
18:44oh
18:44oh
18:45oh
18:46oh
18:48oh
18:49oh
18:52oh
18:54oh
18:55oh
18:56oh
19:02I love cotton candy
19:04dude
19:05dude
19:05a corn dog
19:06what can I say I'm obsessed with my work
19:09oh
19:10you know you guys I didn't want to take this day off but I'm so glad you made me do
19:14it
19:15oh
19:15maybe you do need to be a little irresponsible once in a while
19:19take coach Halder for example now that man needs to take a mental health day
19:24I mean, it's just a stupid store.
19:27Why should I stress out over it?
19:29It's only a means to achieve a useful contribution to the community and learn valuable life skills.
19:38You're back on probation, Masterson.
19:40I can explain.
19:41You're lucky I don't can you on the spot.
19:44I thought you were management potential all the way to head coach.
19:47I guess I was wrong.
19:49Yeah, maybe you were.
19:54Let's ride the Vomit Comet again.
20:07That was good work today.
20:09Thanks.
20:10You've got potential, kid.
20:11Where did you pick up that mascara trick?
20:13We professionals have our secrets.
20:16I used to want to be a soap star.
20:23I'm returning these because my friend thinks they make me look too much like you three.
20:28Any objections?
20:30Just a little service would be nice.
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