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00:00Fire the Tector!
00:03Trick dodge!
00:16Fire!
00:18Strike!
00:25Fire!
00:27Strike!
00:56Oh, God, why are they, Popper?
00:58Oh, it's to kill Jerry, isn't it, sir?
01:00Yes, but Jerry is safe underground in concrete bunkers.
01:03We've shot off over a million cannon shells, and what's the result?
01:06One Dachshund with a slight lip.
01:10Shut up!
01:13Right, I'm off to bed where I intend to sleep until my name changes to Rip Van Adder.
01:36Oh, bloody Germans, they can't take a joke, can they?
01:39Let's only take a few pot shots at them.
01:41They have to have an air raid to get their own back.
01:43Where are our air force?
01:45The men that defend us against this sort of thing.
01:49Right, that's it.
01:54Hello?
01:55Yes, yes, I'd like to leave a message for the head of the Flying Corps, please.
01:59To Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh Massingbird, Massingbird, VC, DFC and Barr.
02:04Message reads, where are you, you bastard?
02:08Here I am, sir.
02:10For God's sake, Baldrick, take cover.
02:11Why's that, sir?
02:12Because there's an air raid going on, and I don't want to have to write to your mother
02:16at London soon.
02:17Let's tell her that her only human child is dead.
02:21All right, sir, it's just that I didn't know there was an air raid on.
02:24Couldn't hear anything over the noise of the terrific display by our wonderful boys
02:29at the Royal Flying Corps, sir.
02:31What?
02:31I say, those chaps can't have thunder in their airborne steeds, can't they just?
02:37Hello, what's going on here?
02:38Game of hide and seek?
02:39Excellent.
02:40Right, sir, I'll go and count to 100.
02:42No, better make it five, actually.
02:43Oh, it's sardines!
02:45Oh, excellent, that's my favourite one, that.
02:47George!
02:48Yes, sir?
02:48Shut up and never say anything again as long as you live.
02:51Why, why, sir?
02:53Crikey, but what a show it was, sir.
02:55Lord Flashheart's Flying Aces.
02:57How he cheered when they spun, how he shouted when they dived, how he applauded when one
03:02chap got sliced in half by his own propeller.
03:05Well, that's all part of the joke for those magnificent men and their flying machines.
03:10For magnificent men read, biggest show-offs since Lady Godiva entered the royal enclosure
03:16at Ascot, claiming she had literally nothing to wear.
03:19I don't care how many times they go up a diddly-up-up, but they're still gits.
03:23Oh, come on, sir.
03:25I'd love to be a flyer up there where the air is clear.
03:28The chances of the air being clear anywhere near you, Baldrick, are zero.
03:34Oh, sir, it'd be great swoopin' and divin'.
03:38Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee
03:43Balrick ...
03:46Baldrick ...
03:47What are you doing?
03:49I'm a sop-woof camel, sir.
03:51It is a sop-woof camel.
03:53Ah, right, I always get confused between the sound of a sop-woof camel
03:55and the sound of a malodorous runt wasting everybody's time.
03:59Now, if you can do it without me in the nursery for a while,
04:01I'm going to get some fresh air.
04:07Ha! Eat knuckle, Fritz!
04:11How disgusting! A bosh on the sole of my boot!
04:13I just have to find a patch of grass to wipe it on!
04:16Probably get shunned in the officer's mess.
04:18Sorry about the pong, you fellows.
04:19Trot in a bosh and can't get rid of the whiff.
04:22Do you think we could dispense with the hilarious doggy-do metaphor for a moment?
04:27I'm not a bosh. This is a British trench.
04:29Is it? Oh, that's a piece of luck.
04:31Thought I'd landed sausage side. Ha!
04:34Might as well use your phone.
04:36If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves.
04:39I wouldn't want them on my conscience.
04:41They ought to be on my face.
04:46Hi! Flash out here.
04:48Cancel the state funeral. Tell the king to stop blubbing.
04:51Flash is not dead.
04:53I simply ran out of juice.
04:55Yeah, and before all the girls start saying,
04:57oh, what's the point living anymore, I'm talking about petrol.
05:00Woof! Woof!
05:01Yeah, I dumped the kite on the proles, so send a car.
05:04General Melchitz driver should do.
05:06She hangs around with a big knob, so she'd be used to a fellow like me.
05:08Woof! Woof!
05:10Look, do you think you can make your obscene phone calls somewhere else?
05:13No, not in half an hour, you rubber-desk Johnny!
05:17Send the bitch with the wheels right now,
05:19or I'll fly back to England and give your wife something to hang her towels on!
05:26OK, dig out your best booze and let's talk about me till the car comes.
05:30Yeah, must be pretty impressed having Squadron Commander, the Lord Flashheart,
05:34drop in on your squalid bit of line.
05:36Actually, no. I was more impressed by the contents of my handkerchief
05:39the last time I blew my nose.
05:41Yeah, like how.
05:44You've probably got little pickies of me on the walls of your dugout, haven't you?
05:48I bet you go all girly and giggly every time you...
05:50No, no, I'm afraid not.
05:53Unfortunately, most of the infantry think you're a prat.
05:56Ask them who they'd prefer to meet,
05:58Squadron Commander Flashheart
05:59and the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen
06:02may go for Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop.
06:13So, enough, though, loop the loop.
06:15I honestly thought that...
06:17My God!
06:19Yes, I suppose I am.
06:21Lord Flashheart,
06:22this is the greatest honour of my life.
06:25I hope I snuff it right now to preserve this moment forever.
06:28It can be arranged.
06:30Lord Flashheart,
06:32I want to learn to write
06:33so I can send a letter home about this golden moment.
06:36So all the fellas hate me, eh?
06:39Not a bit of it.
06:40I'm your bloody hero, eh, old scat?
06:42Jesus!
06:44Now, Lord,
06:45I've got every cigarette card they ever printed of you.
06:48My whole family took up smoking
06:50just so that we could get the whole set.
06:53My grandmother
06:55smoked herself to death
06:56so we could afford the album.
06:58Of course she did.
06:59Of course she did,
07:00the poor love-crazed old octogenarium.
07:03Well, all right, you fellas,
07:04let's sit us down
07:05and yawn about how amazingly attractive I am.
07:08Yes, would you excuse me for a moment?
07:09I've got some urgent business.
07:10There's a bucket outside
07:11I've got to be sickened to.
07:14Hooray!
07:16All right, you chaps,
07:18let's get comfy.
07:19You look like a decent British bloke.
07:21I'll park the old booties on you
07:23if that's OK.
07:23It would be an honour, my lord.
07:25Of course it would.
07:27Ah!
07:28Have you any idea what it's like to have the wind rushing through your hair?
07:33No, sir.
07:36He has.
07:40So I flew straight through a bedroom window,
07:42popped a box of chocks on the dressing table,
07:44machined my telephone number into the wall,
07:46and then shut off and shagged a sister.
07:51Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, my lord.
07:53Well, well, well, if it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst,
07:56saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory.
07:59I've come to pick you up.
08:00Well, that's how I like my girls.
08:01Direct and to my point.
08:03Woof!
08:04Woof!
08:11Tally-ho, then. Back to the bar.
08:13You should join the Flying Corps, George.
08:15That's the way to fight a war.
08:17Tasty tuck, soft beds and a uniform so smart it's got a PhD from Cambridge.
08:22You could even bring the breath monster here.
08:25Anyone can be a navigator if he can tell his arse from his elbow.
08:27Well, that's ball rig out, I see.
08:30We're always looking for talented types to join the 20 Miniters.
08:33And there goes George.
08:34Tally-ho, then, Bobby.
08:36Hush, here comes a whiz-bang,
08:38and I think you know what I'm talking about.
08:40Woof!
08:41Woof!
08:42God, it's like crufts in here.
08:45Safer, what a splendid notion.
08:47The 20 Miniters.
08:48Soft tucker, tasty beds, fluffy uniforms.
08:51Begging your permission, sir, but why do they call them the 20 Miniters?
08:55Ah, now, yes.
08:56Now, this one is in my Brook Bond book of the air.
08:59Now, you have to collect all the cards
09:01and then stick them into this wonderful presentation booklet.
09:04Ah, here we are, 20 Miniters.
09:06Oh, damn, I haven't got the card yet.
09:08Ah, but the caption says,
09:1020 minutes is the average amount of time new pilots spend in the air.
09:1420 minutes.
09:15That's right, sir.
09:16I had a 20-hour watch yesterday
09:18with four hours overtime in two feet of water.
09:21Well, then, for goodness sake, sir, why don't we join?
09:23Yeah, be better than just sitting around here all day on our elbows.
09:29No, thank you.
09:31I have no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents,
09:35do 20 minutes work,
09:36and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris
09:38drinking gallons of champagne
09:40and having dozens of moist pink,
09:42highly experienced young French peasant girls
09:45galloping up and down my...
09:47Hang on.
09:51Cut.
09:54Ah, Captain Blackadder.
09:56Good morning, Captain, darling.
09:57What do you want?
09:58You're looking so well.
10:01I'm a busy man, Blackadder.
10:02Let's hear it, whatever it is.
10:04Well, you know, darling,
10:06every man has a dream.
10:09And when I was a small boy,
10:10I used to watch the marsh warblers swooping in my mother's undercroft.
10:15And I remember thinking,
10:16will men ever dare do the same?
10:19And, you know...
10:19Oh, you want to join the Royal Flying Corps?
10:22Oh, that's a thought.
10:24Could I?
10:25No, you couldn't.
10:26Goodbye.
10:28Come on, darling.
10:29Just give me an application form.
10:30It's out of the question.
10:31This is simply a ruse to waste five months of training,
10:34after which you'll claim you can't fly after all
10:36because it makes your ears go pop.
10:37Come on, I wasn't born yesterday, Blackadder.
10:39More's the pity we could have started your personality from scratch.
10:44So, the training period is five months, is it?
10:47It's no concern of yours if it's five years
10:49and comes with a free holiday in Tunisia,
10:50contraceptive supplied.
10:53Besides, they wouldn't admit you.
10:54It's not easy getting transfers, you know.
10:56No, you've tried it yourself, have you?
10:58No, I haven't.
10:59Trust you to try and sky off to some cushy option.
11:02There's nothing cushy about life in the Women's Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
11:08So, then, the bishop said,
11:09I'm awfully sorry, I didn't realise you meant organist.
11:15Thank you, George.
11:16At ease, everybody.
11:17Now, where's my map?
11:18Come on, sir.
11:22God, it's a barren, featureless desert out there, isn't it?
11:27The other side, sir.
11:30Hello, George.
11:31What are you doing here?
11:32Me, sir?
11:33I just popped in to join the Royal Flying Corps.
11:35Hello, Blackadder.
11:36What are you doing here?
11:37Me, sir?
11:38I just popped in to join the Royal Flying Corps.
11:40Of course, I said.
11:41Bravo!
11:41I hope, darling.
11:43Because, you know,
11:43I've always had my doubts about you trenchy-type fellows.
11:46Always suspected there might be a bit too much
11:48of the battle-dodging, nappy-wearing,
11:50I'd rather have a cup of tea
11:52than charred stark naked at Jerry about you.
11:54If you're willing to join the 20 Miniters,
11:57then you're all right by me
11:58and welcome to marry my sister any day.
12:00Are you sure about this, sir?
12:02Certainly.
12:02You should hear the noise she makes
12:03when she eats a boiled egg.
12:06Learned to get her out of the house.
12:07So, report back here 0900 hours for your basic training.
12:12Crikey, I'm looking forward to today.
12:14Up, diddly up, down, diddly down.
12:15Whoops, poop, twiddly-dee.
12:18Decent scrap with a fiendish red baron,
12:20bit of a jolly old crash landing behind enemy lines.
12:23Capture, torture, escape,
12:24and then back home in time for tea and medals.
12:28George, who's using the family brain cell at the moment?
12:32This is just the beginning of the training.
12:35The beginning of five long months of very clever,
12:38very dull men looking at machinery.
12:39Hey, girls, look at my machinery!
12:43Hey, for the man who has no underwear!
12:45Ask me why!
12:46Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?
12:48Because the pants haven't been built yet
12:50that'll take the job on!
12:53And that's the type of guy
12:54who's doing the training around here.
12:56Sit down!
12:57Well, well, well, well, well,
13:00if it isn't old Captain Slackbladder.
13:04Couldn't resist it, eh, Slackbladder?
13:06Told you you thought I was great.
13:08All right, men, let's do it!
13:11The first thing to remember is
13:13always treat your kite
13:14like you treat your woman.
13:18How do you mean, sir?
13:19Do you mean, um, do you mean take her home
13:21at the weekend to meet your mother?
13:23No, I mean get inside her five times a day
13:25and take her to heaven and back.
13:32I'm beginning to see
13:33why the suffragette movement want the vote.
13:36Hey, hey, any bird
13:37who wants to chain herself to my railings
13:39and suffer a jet movement gets my vote.
13:43Right, well, I'll see you in ten minutes for take-off.
13:45Hang on, hang on!
13:47What about the months of training?
13:49Hey, wet pants!
13:50This isn't the Women's Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
13:52You're in the 20 Ministers now!
13:54Sir?
13:55Yes, sir?
13:56Pratt at the back.
13:58I think we'd all be intrigued to know
13:59why you called the 20 Ministers.
14:02Oh, Mr Thicker, imagine not knowing that.
14:06Well, it's simple.
14:07The average life expectancy for a new pilot
14:09is 20 minutes.
14:11Ah.
14:12Life expectancy
14:14of 20 minutes.
14:16That's right!
14:17Goggles on, chocks away,
14:18last one back's a homo!
14:19Hooray!
14:23So, we take off
14:25in 10 minutes.
14:27We're in the air
14:28for 20 minutes.
14:30Which means we should be dead
14:31by 25 to 10.
14:34Hairy blighter, sir!
14:34This is a bit of a turn-up
14:35with a plus-fault.
14:37You shouldn't worry about it
14:38too much, Vagana.
14:40Flying's all about navigation.
14:44As long as you've got
14:45a good navigator,
14:46I'm sure you'll be fine.
14:59Actually, they're right.
15:00This is a gobble.
15:01Whoops, a little wobble there.
15:04I'll get the hang of it,
15:05don't worry.
15:05All right, Baldrick,
15:06how many rounds have we got?
15:07Uh, 500, sir.
15:08Cheese and tomato
15:09for you, Rack.
15:10Hang on!
15:11That's all
15:11tally-belly hell!
15:14What's this, sir?
15:15Ah, no!
15:16Baldrick!
15:17Baldrick, will you
15:18stop arsing about
15:19and get back in that pocket?
15:22Hey, sir,
15:23look, I can see
15:24a pretty red plane
15:25from up here.
15:28Snill!
15:29Arrota!
15:30No!
15:32Watch out, Baldrick,
15:33it stood right on our tail.
15:36Yes, now, this is developing
15:37into a distinctly
15:38boring situation.
15:39But it was still
15:40on our side of the lines.
15:41Now I'll crash the land
15:42and claim my ears
15:43when pop, first time out.
15:44Oh, let's hope
15:45we fall on something soft.
15:47Fine, I'll try and aim
15:48between General Melchard's ears.
15:52I don't believe it.
15:54A German prison cell.
15:56For two and a half years,
15:57the Western Front
15:58has been as likely to move
15:59as a Frenchman
16:00who lives next door
16:01to a brothel.
16:02And last night,
16:03the Germans advance a mile
16:04and we land
16:05on the wrong side.
16:06Oh, dear, Captain B,
16:08my tummy's gone all squirty.
16:10That's because you're scared,
16:11Baldrick,
16:12and you're not the only one.
16:12I couldn't be more petrified
16:14if a wild rhinoceros
16:16had just come home
16:17from a hard day
16:18at the swamp
16:18and found me
16:19wearing his pyjamas,
16:20smoking his cigars
16:21and in bed with his wife.
16:24I've heard
16:24what these Germans
16:25will do, sir.
16:26They'll have their wicked way
16:27with anything
16:28of woman born.
16:29Well, in that case,
16:30Baldrick,
16:30you're quite safe.
16:32However,
16:33the Teutonic reputation
16:34for brutality
16:35is well founded.
16:36Their operas
16:37last three or four days.
16:39And they have no word
16:41for fluffy.
16:43I want my mum.
16:45Yes, it'd be good
16:45to see her.
16:46I should imagine
16:47a maternally outraged
16:48gorilla could be
16:49a useful ally
16:50when it comes
16:50to the final scrap.
16:54Prepare to die
16:55like a man, Baldrick.
16:56Or as close as you can
16:57come to a man
16:58without actually shaving
16:58the palms of your hands.
17:04Good evening.
17:05I'm Orville Leutmann
17:06von Gerhardt.
17:07I have a message
17:08from the Baron
17:09von Richthofen,
17:10the greatest living German.
17:13But considering
17:13his competition
17:14consists entirely
17:15of very fat men
17:16in leather shorts
17:17burping to the tune
17:18of Schubert
17:18coming round the mountains,
17:20there's no great achievement.
17:22Yes!
17:25And what is your message?
17:27It is
17:28prepare for a fate
17:29worse than death,
17:31English flying fellow.
17:33Well, so it's
17:34a traditional
17:34warm German welcome.
17:37Also, he is saying
17:38do not try to escape
17:39or you will suffer
17:40even worse.
17:41A fate worse
17:42than a fate worse
17:43than death.
17:44That's pretty bad.
17:47Well, yes, well,
17:48you see,
17:49it's all very well
17:49for you, isn't it,
17:50sitting here behind
17:51your comfy desk.
17:53Don't you take
17:53that tone with me,
17:54Lieutenant.
17:54I'll have you on a charge
17:55for insubordination.
17:56Well, I'd rather be
17:56on a charge
17:57for insubordination
17:57that I'm on a charge
17:58of deserting a friend.
17:59How dare you
18:00talk to me like that?
18:01How dare I?
18:02Now, then, now, then,
18:03now, now, then,
18:04now, then, now, then,
18:05now, then, then, now.
18:07Now, then,
18:08what's going on here?
18:09That damn fool
18:10Blackadder has crashed
18:11his plane
18:11behind enemy lines, sir.
18:12This young idiot
18:13wants to go
18:13and try and rescue him.
18:14It's a total waste
18:15of men and equipment.
18:16He's not a damn fool, sir.
18:17He's a body hero.
18:18All right, all right,
18:19all right.
18:20I'll deal with this,
18:21darling.
18:21Delicate touch needed,
18:22I fancy.
18:23Now, George,
18:25do you remember
18:25when I came down
18:26to visit you
18:27when you were a nipper
18:27for your sixth birthday?
18:28You used to have
18:29a lovely little rabbit.
18:30Beautiful little thing,
18:31do you remember?
18:32Flossie.
18:32That's right, Flossie.
18:34Do you remember
18:35what happened to Flossie?
18:36You shot him.
18:38That's right.
18:39It was the kindest thing
18:40to do after being run over
18:41by that car.
18:43By your car, sir?
18:45Yes, by my car.
18:46But that, too,
18:47was an act of mercy
18:48when you would remember
18:49that that dog
18:49had been set on him.
18:50Your dog, sir?
18:51Yes.
18:52Yes, my dog.
18:53But what I'm trying
18:54to say, George,
18:55is that the state
18:56young Flossie was in
18:57after we'd scraped him
18:58off my front tire
19:00is very much the state
19:01that young Blackadder
19:02will be in now.
19:03If not very nearly dead,
19:05then very actually dead.
19:07Permission for lip
19:08to wobble, sir?
19:10Permission granted.
19:14Stout fellow.
19:15But surely, sir,
19:15you must allow me
19:16to at least try
19:17and save him.
19:17No, George,
19:18it would be as pointless
19:19as trying to teach a woman
19:20the value of a good
19:21forward defensive stroke.
19:23Besides,
19:24it would take a superman
19:25to get him out of there,
19:26not the kind of weed
19:27who blubs
19:28just because somebody
19:29gives him a slice
19:30of rabbit pie
19:31instead of bestie cake.
19:32I suppose you're right, sir.
19:34Of course I am.
19:35Now, let's talk about
19:36something more jolly,
19:37shall we?
19:38Look,
19:38this is the amount of land
19:39we've recaptured
19:40since yesterday.
19:41Oh, excellent.
19:42What is the actual scale
19:44of this map, darling?
19:46One to one, sir.
19:48Come again?
19:50The map is actually
19:51life-size, sir.
19:52It's superbly detailed.
19:53Look,
19:54there's a little worm.
19:55Oh, yeah.
19:55So the actual amount
19:57of land retaken is?
19:58Excuse me, sir.
20:0217 square feet, sir.
20:04Excellent.
20:04So, you see,
20:05young Blackadder
20:06didn't die horribly
20:06in vain after all.
20:08If he did die, sir...
20:09That's the spirit, George.
20:11If nothing else works,
20:12then a total pig-headed
20:14unwillingness to look
20:14facts in the face
20:15will see us through.
20:22I am the Red Baron
20:25von Richterven.
20:26And you are the two
20:27English flying aces
20:29responsible for the
20:30spinning of the
20:31precious German blood
20:32of many of my finest
20:34and my blondest friends.
20:37I have waited many months
20:40to do this.
20:46You may have been
20:47right, Boulders.
20:48Looks like we're
20:49going to get
20:49Roger to death
20:50after all.
20:52Do you want me
20:53to go first, sir?
20:56Your English
20:57and your sense of humour.
20:59During your brief stay,
21:00I look forward
21:01to learning more
21:02of your wit,
21:02your punning,
21:03and your amusing jokes
21:04about the breaking
21:05of the wind.
21:07Well, Boulders
21:08is the expert there.
21:10I certainly am, sir.
21:13How lucky you English
21:14are to find the toilet
21:15so amusing.
21:17For us,
21:18it is a mundane
21:18and functional item.
21:20For you,
21:21it's the basis
21:22of an entire culture.
21:27I must now tell you
21:28of the full horror
21:29of what awaits you.
21:31Ah, you see, Boulders,
21:32dress it up in any amount
21:33of pompous verbal diarrhea,
21:34and the message is
21:35square heads down
21:37for the big Bosch gangbang.
21:39As an officer
21:40and a gentleman,
21:41you will be looking forward
21:42to a quick
21:43and noble death.
21:45Well, obviously.
21:46But instead,
21:48an even worse fate
21:49awaits you.
21:50Tomorrow,
21:51you will be taken
21:52back to Germany.
21:53Here it comes.
21:54To a convent school
21:56outside Heidelberg
21:58where you will spend
21:59the rest of the war
22:00teaching the young girls
22:03home economics.
22:06For you,
22:07as a man of honour,
22:09the humiliation
22:10will be unbearable.
22:13I think you'll find
22:14we're tougher
22:15than you imagine.
22:16I can tell
22:17how much you are
22:17suffering
22:18by your long faeces.
22:21We're not suffering
22:22too much
22:23to say thank you.
22:24Say thank you, Bouldry.
22:25Thank you, Bouldry.
22:28How amusing!
22:30But now,
22:31forgive me.
22:32I must take to the skies
22:34once again.
22:34Very funny.
22:35The noble Lord
22:37Flashheart
22:37still eludes me.
22:38I think you'll find
22:39he's overrated.
22:40Bad breath
22:41and impotent,
22:43they say.
22:44Sensual innuendo!
22:47But enough of this.
22:49As you say in England,
22:50I must fly.
22:55Perhaps I will master
22:56this humour after all, yeah?
22:57I wouldn't be too often
22:59to stay here.
23:00But he's a little fella.
23:02If you get lonely
23:03in the night,
23:03I'm in the old chateau.
23:04There's no pressure.
23:09I'm bratwool!
23:11Is it really true, sir?
23:13Is the war
23:14really over for us?
23:15Yep.
23:16Out of the war
23:16and teaching nuns
23:18how to boil eggs.
23:19For us,
23:20the great war
23:21is finito.
23:22A war that would be
23:23a damn sight simpler
23:24if we just stayed in England
23:25and shot 50,000
23:26of our men a week.
23:27No more mud,
23:29death,
23:29rats,
23:30bombs,
23:30shrapnel,
23:31whiz-bangs,
23:32barbed wire
23:33and those bloody awful songs
23:34that have the word
23:35whoops in the title.
23:37Oh, damn,
23:38he's left the door open.
23:39Oh, good,
23:40we can escape, sir.
23:41Are you mad,
23:42Aldrich?
23:42Now, find someone
23:43to look it for us.
23:45Shush!
23:45TV!
23:46Mum's the word,
23:47not half or what?
23:50Sir,
23:51why did you just
23:51slam the door
23:52on Lieutenant George?
23:53I can't believe it.
23:54Go away!
23:56If it's me,
23:57it's me!
23:58But what the hell
23:58are you doing here?
23:59Oh, never mind
24:00the hows
24:00and the whys
24:01and the,
24:01do you mind
24:02if I don't?
24:03Oh, take a superman
24:04to get into it.
24:05Well, it's funny
24:06you should say that
24:06because, as it happens,
24:07I did have some help
24:08from a rather
24:09spiffing bloke.
24:10He's taken a break
24:11from some crucial
24:11top-level shagging.
24:17It's me!
24:18Hooray!
24:21God's potatoes, George!
24:23You said noble
24:24brother friars
24:24were in the lurch.
24:25If I'd known you
24:26meant old slack bladder
24:27and the mound
24:27of the hound
24:28of the Baskervilles,
24:30I'd probably let them
24:30stew in their own juice.
24:32And let me tell you,
24:33if I ever tried that,
24:34I'd probably drown.
24:35Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:39Still, since I'm here,
24:40I may as well
24:41do it,
24:42as the bishops
24:43said to the netball team.
24:44Come on, chums!
24:49Ah, oh, ah...
24:52Come on!
24:53Ah, yes, look,
24:54I'm sorry, chaps,
24:55but I've splintered
24:56my pancreas
24:56and I seem to have
24:58this terrible cough.
25:00Cards!
25:00Cards!
25:01Wait, wait, wait,
25:02wait a minute.
25:05Now, I may be
25:06packing the kind
25:06of tackle
25:07that you'd normally
25:08expect to find
25:09swinging about
25:09between the hind legs
25:10of a Grand National winner.
25:13But I'm not
25:13totally stupid.
25:15I've got the kind
25:17of feeling
25:17you'd rather
25:18we hadn't come.
25:19No, no, no,
25:19I'm very grateful.
25:20It's just that
25:20I'd slow you up.
25:22I think I'm beginning
25:22to understand.
25:24Are you?
25:26Just because I can
25:27give multiple orgasms
25:28to the furniture
25:29just by sitting
25:31doesn't mean
25:31that I'm not sick
25:32of this damn war.
25:34the blood,
25:35the noise,
25:36the endless poetry.
25:39It's not really
25:40what you think,
25:41Flashard.
25:42Of course it's not
25:42what I think.
25:43Now, get out that door
25:44before I redecorate
25:45that wall in an
25:45interesting new colour
25:46called Hint of Brain.
25:48Excellent.
25:48Well, that's clear.
25:49Let's get back
25:50to that lovely wall, then.
25:51Woof!
25:51Woof!
25:52Mark!
25:57Oh, damn,
25:58foiled again.
25:59What's bad luck?
26:00Ah, and the Lord
26:01Flashard.
26:02This is indeed
26:03an honour.
26:05Finally, the two
26:06greatest gentleman
26:07flyers in the world
26:08meet.
26:08Two men of honour
26:10who are justed together
26:11in the cloud-strewn
26:12glory of the skies
26:14are face to face
26:15at last.
26:16How often I have
26:17rehearsed this moment
26:18of destiny
26:18in my dreams.
26:20The valer V to
26:21encapsulate
26:21the unspoken
26:23nobility
26:23of our comradeship.
26:27Pause!
26:28Come on!
26:37Hello, darling.
26:39Good Lord.
26:40Captain Blackadder,
26:41I thought you were...
26:42Playing tennis?
26:43No.
26:44Dead?
26:44I...
26:45Well, yes,
26:46unfortunately...
26:46Well, I had a lucky
26:47escape, no thanks
26:48to you.
26:49This is a friend
26:50of mine.
26:51Ah!
26:53Hi!
26:54Flash out,
26:55this is Captain Darling.
26:56Captain Darling?
26:57Funny name for a guy,
26:58isn't it?
26:59Last person I called
27:00Darling was pregnant
27:0120 seconds later.
27:04Hey, you couldn't be
27:05bothered to help
27:06old Slacky here.
27:07Oh, well,
27:07it wasn't quite that,
27:08sir, it's just that
27:09we weighed up
27:09the pros and cons
27:10and decided it wasn't
27:11a reasonable use
27:12of our time and resources.
27:13Well, this isn't
27:14a reasonable use
27:14of my time and resources,
27:16but I'm going to do it
27:16anyway.
27:17What?
27:18This.
27:19Oh!
27:25All right, Slacky.
27:26All right, Slacky,
27:27I've got to fly.
27:28Two million chicks,
27:29only one flash heart.
27:31And remember,
27:32if you want something,
27:33take it.
27:34Bobby!
27:36My Lord.
27:37I want something.
27:38Take it.
27:41Get.
27:43Ah, Black Adders,
27:44are you escaped?
27:45Yes, sir.
27:46Bravo.
27:46Don't slouch, darling.
27:48I was wondering
27:49whether,
27:50having been tortured
27:50by the most vicious sadists
27:51of the German army,
27:52I might be allowed
27:53a week's leave
27:54to recuperate, sir.
27:55Excellent idea.
27:55Your commanding officer
27:57would have to be
27:57stark raving mad
27:58to refuse you.
27:59Well,
28:00you are my commanding officer.
28:02Well?
28:03Can I have a week's leave
28:04to recuperate, sir?
28:05Certainly not.
28:06Thank you, sir.
28:07Bleh.
28:08Bleh.
28:35Bleh.
28:49Bleh.
28:50Bleh.
28:50Bleh.
28:50Bleh.
28:50Bleh.
28:51Bleh.
28:51Bleh.
28:51Bleh.
28:51Bleh.
28:51Bleh.
28:52Bleh.
28:53Bleh.
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