- 1 day ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:28PIANO PLAYS
00:37Oh, God. Bills, bills, bills.
00:40One is born, one runs up, bills, one dies.
00:44And what have I got to show for it? Nothing.
00:46A butler's uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo.
00:50Honestly, Balric, sometimes I feel like a pelican.
00:53Whichever way I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me.
00:58Pass the biscuit barrel.
01:01Let's see what's in the kitty, shall we?
01:05Ninepence.
01:06Oh, God, what are we going to do?
01:08Don't worry, Mr B. I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
01:13Yes, Balric, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem
01:15of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.
01:20But this is a really good one.
01:22You become a dashing highway man, then you can pay all your bills,
01:26and on top of that, everyone will want to sleep with you.
01:29Balric, I could become a prostitute and pay my bills,
01:33and everyone would want to sleep with me.
01:34But I do consider certain professions beneath me.
01:37But besides which, I fail to see why a common thief should be idolised,
01:40just because he has a horse between his legs.
01:42My favourite's the shadow.
01:44What a man.
01:46They say he's halfway to being the new Robin Hood.
01:48Why only halfway?
01:50Well, he steals from the rich,
01:51but he hasn't got round to giving it to the poor.
01:55Look, I've got a poster of him.
01:57Balric, I have no desire to get hung for wearing a silly hat.
02:01If I want to get rich quick,
02:02all I have to do is go upstairs and ask Prince Fathead for a rise.
02:08Oh, the bank's open.
02:13Good morning, sir.
02:15May I say how immensely rich you're looking.
02:18Now, was there anything you wanted, sir?
02:19Anything at all?
02:20Absolutely anything?
02:21Well, yes, old fellow.
02:22I was wondering if you could possibly lend me a bit of cash.
02:25But of course, sir, I...
02:26Cash?
02:27Yes!
02:28I'm rotten, stinking, stony, stinking broke.
02:32Sir, what about the £5,000 that Parliament voted you only last week
02:35to drink yourself to death with?
02:37Oh, darn, I'm afraid.
02:39You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun new game.
02:42It's called Cards.
02:44What happens is you sit round a table with your friends
02:46and you deal out five cards each
02:49and then the object of the game
02:50is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.
02:53Do you know it?
02:54Vaguely, sir, yes.
02:56All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.
02:58I seem to remember I was very bad at it.
03:00I always seem to end up with more money than I started with.
03:02Yes, well, it's all down to practice.
03:04I'm a natural, apparently.
03:05The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty damn expensive.
03:08So, basically, I was wondering if you could lend me a couple of hundreds.
03:11I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
03:13I'm as poor as a church mouse that's just had an enormous tax bill
03:16on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse taking all the cheese.
03:21What am I going to do?
03:22Yes, it's a difficult one.
03:24Well, let's see now.
03:25You can't borrow money.
03:27You're not going to inherit any money.
03:29And, obviously, you can't earn money.
03:31Sir?
03:33Sir?
03:34Drastic situations call for drastic measures.
03:36If you can't make money, you'll have to marry it.
03:40Marry?
03:41Never.
03:42I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder.
03:44I'm a roarer, a rogerer, a gorger and a puker.
03:49I can't marry.
03:50I'm young.
03:51I'm firm buttocked.
03:52I'm...
03:52Broke.
03:54Well, yes, I suppose so.
03:56And don't forget, sir, that the modern church smiles on roaring and gorging within wedlock.
04:01And, indeed, rogering is keenly encouraged.
04:05And the puking?
04:07I believe it's still very much down to the conscience of the individual church girl.
04:11Oh, yes.
04:12Tally-ho, then, Blackadder.
04:13Yes, you fix it up.
04:14You know the kind of girls I like.
04:15They've got to be lovers, laughers, dancers and bonkers.
04:21Well, that goes without saying.
04:24Oh, God.
04:26Something wrong, Mr. Beat?
04:27I can't find a single person suitable to marry the prince.
04:31Oh, please keep trying.
04:32I love a royal wedding.
04:33The excitement, the crowds, the souvenir mugs.
04:38Worrying about whether the bride's lost weight.
04:42Unlikely with this lot, I'm afraid.
04:44If the prince had stipulated must weigh a quarter of a ton, we'd be laughing.
04:49But the 262 princesses in Europe, 165 are over 80, they're out.
04:5447 are under 10, they're out.
04:56And 39 are mad.
04:58Well, they sound ideal.
04:59Well, they would be if they hadn't all got married last week in Munich to the same horse.
05:04Which leaves us with two.
05:06And what about them?
05:07Well, as Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin will never get her to marry him.
05:11Why not?
05:12Well, because she's met him.
05:18She leaves.
05:19Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
05:23And what's wrong with her?
05:24Get more coffee.
05:25It's horrid.
05:25Change it.
05:26Take me roughly from behind.
05:27No, not like that.
05:27Like this.
05:28Trousers off.
05:29Tackle out.
05:30Water dog.
05:30Where's my peasant?
05:31All right.
05:32Which one do you want me to do first?
05:35No, that's what Caroline's like.
05:38She's famous for having the worst personality in Germany.
05:41And as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
05:46So, you're stuck then?
05:48Yes, I'm afraid I am.
05:50Unless.
05:52Oh, unless.
05:53Pass me the paper, Balric, quick.
05:56Balric, why has half the front page been cut?
06:00I don't know.
06:01You do know, don't you?
06:03Yes.
06:04You've been cutting out the cuttings about the elusive shadow to put in your highwayman's scrapbook, haven't you?
06:10Oh, I can't help it, Mr B.
06:12His life is so dark and shadowy and full of fear and trepidation.
06:18So is going to the toilet in the middle of the night when you don't keep a scrapbook on it.
06:23I do?
06:24Let's see.
06:25Now, let's see.
06:26Society pages.
06:27You see, it needn't necessarily be a princess.
06:30All the prince wants is someone pretty and rich.
06:33Oh, dear.
06:33That rules me out, then.
06:34Now, let me see.
06:36Beau Brummel in purple pants.
06:39Probe.
06:40King talks to tree.
06:43Few what a loony.
06:45God, the Times has really gone downhill recently.
06:50Listen to this.
06:51Listen to this.
06:52Mysterious northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood comes to London and spends flipping great wadges of cash.
07:01That's our baby.
07:04Honestly, Blackadder, I don't know why I'm bothering to get dressed.
07:07As soon as I get to the naughty Hellfire Club, I'll be de-bagged and radished for non-payment of
07:11debts.
07:12Radished, sir?
07:14Yes, they pull your britches down and push a large radish.
07:16Yes, yes, yes.
07:17All right.
07:20There's no need to hammer it home.
07:23As a matter of fact, they do often...
07:24No, no!
07:27Your, um...
07:28Your money worries are over, sir.
07:30Well, hurrah for that.
07:32I have found you a bride.
07:33Her name is Amy, daughter of the noted industrialist Mr Hardwood.
07:38Oh, damn it, Blackadder.
07:39You know I loathe industrialists.
07:40Sad, balding little proles in their damn-your-eyes whiskets.
07:45All puffed up just because they know where to put the legs on a pair of trousers.
07:48Believe me, sir, these people are the future.
07:51This man probably owns half of Lancashire.
07:53His family's got more mills than...
07:55than you've got brain cells.
07:59How many mills?
08:00Seven, sir.
08:02A lot of mills, sir.
08:03Yes.
08:04He has patented a machine called the Raveling Nancy.
08:07What does it do?
08:09It ravels cotton, sir.
08:11What for?
08:12That I cannot say, sir.
08:14I'm one of those people who are quite happy to wear cotton but have no idea how it works.
08:19She's also a beauty, sir.
08:20Well, if she's going to be my bird, she'd better be.
08:23Right, so what's the plan?
08:25Well, I thought I could take her a short note.
08:27Expressing your honourable intentions.
08:29Yes.
08:30Yes, I think so, too.
08:31All right, then.
08:32Well, take this down.
08:33From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Miss Amy Hardwood.
08:38Tanny-ho, my fine saucy young trollop.
08:41You'll have to see it.
08:43Trip along here with all your cash and some naughty night attire
08:47and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart.
08:53Yours with the deepest respect, etc. sign George.
08:56P.S.
08:57Woof, woof.
08:59Well, what do you think?
09:01It's very moving, sir.
09:04Would you mind if I change just one tiny aspect of it?
09:07Which one?
09:08The words.
09:11Oh, yes, I'll leave the details to you, blackheader.
09:13Just make sure she knows I'm all man with a bit of animal thrown in.
09:18Certainly, sir.
09:21From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Miss Amy Hardwood.
09:25The upturned tilt of your tiny wee nosy smells as sweet as a great big posy.
09:33Fanciful stuff, of course, madam, but from the heart.
09:35He says my nosy is tiny.
09:37And wee, madam.
09:39Oh, well, he must be an awful clever, Gloss, because, you see, my nosy is tiny.
09:45And so wee that I sometimes think the pixies gave it to me.
09:54He continues.
09:57Oh, Lady Amy, Queen of all your sex.
10:00I apologise for the word, madam, but Prince George is a man of passion.
10:04Don't worry.
10:05I can get pretty cross myself sometimes.
10:09Tell me, Mr. Blackheader, I've heard a teensy rumour
10:12that the Prince has the manners of a boy cow's dingle-dangle.
10:16What do you have to say to that?
10:18Oh, that is a lie, madam.
10:20Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass
10:24and unbelievably thick and gitties.
10:27Whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallow-y, piglet-y type of creature.
10:32Oh, I'm so glad, because, you see, I'm a delicate, tiny thing myself.
10:38Weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit.
10:42So I could never marry a horrible half-a-lump or I might get squished.
10:48When can I meet the lovely Prince?
10:51You want to meet him?
10:52Well, if we're going to get married, I think I probably ought to.
10:55I know.
10:56Tell him to come and serenade me tonight.
10:59I'll be on my balcony in my gym jams.
11:04Hey-o.
11:05Who's this big girl's blouse head?
11:08Brother, this is Mr Blackadder.
11:10He's come a-wooing from the Prince.
11:12You have a beautiful and charming daughter, sir.
11:15Indeed I do.
11:16I love her more than any pig, and that's saying some of it.
11:20It certainly is.
11:22Let me tell you.
11:24I'd no more place her in the hands of an unworthy man
11:26than I'd place my John Thomas in the hands of a lunatic with a pair of scissors.
11:33An attitude that does you credit, sir.
11:35I'd rather take off all my clothes and paint my bottom blue
11:38than give her to a man who didn't love her.
11:40What self-respecting father could do more?
11:43On the other hand, if he's a prince,
11:46he can have her for ten bob and a pickled egg.
11:49I can see where your daughter gets her ready wit, sir.
11:52Although where she gets her good looks and charm
11:54is perhaps more of a mystery.
11:56No one ever made money out of good looks and charm.
11:59You obviously haven't met Lady Hamilton, sir.
12:06Not only, Baldrick, I'm not looking forward to this evening
12:09trying to serenade a light, fluffy bunny of a girl
12:13in the company of an arrogant half-German yob with a mad dad.
12:17He's the Prince of Wales.
12:19Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick?
12:21No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
12:23Well, don't. It's a ghastly place.
12:26Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men roam the valleys
12:29terrifying people with their close harmony singing.
12:34You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat
12:36just to pronounce the place name.
12:40Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick.
12:43You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
12:46So being Prince of it isn't considered a plus?
12:50I fear not, no.
12:51But the crucial thing is that they must never be left alone together
12:54before the marriage.
12:56Isn't that a bit unfair on her?
12:58Well, it's not particularly fair on him, either.
13:00The girl is wetter than a Haddock's bathing costume.
13:03But you know, Baldrick, the world isn't fair.
13:06If it was, things like this wouldn't happen, would they?
13:14Right, so what's the plan?
13:15Shin up the drain and ask if she'll take delivery
13:18of your consignment of German sausage?
13:19Shin up the drain and ask if she'll take advantage of it.
13:21What's the plan?
13:23As we rehearsed, poetry first, sausage later.
13:28Sir, what if Harold the Horny Hunter should do the trick?
13:32Just remind me of it, sir.
13:34Harold the Horny Hunter had an enormous horn.
13:36Shh, yes, yes.
13:38It is absolutely excellent, sir.
13:39However, might I suggest an alternative?
13:43Lovely little dumpling, how in love I am.
13:46Let me be your shepherdkins.
13:48You can be my lamb.
13:50Well, I think we'll be very lucky
13:51if she doesn't just come out onto the balcony
13:53and vomit over us.
13:54It's not a state of the world.
13:55Right, okay.
13:56You just stand right here, sir.
13:59Right.
13:59Call for her romantically.
14:01Right.
14:03Oi, come on out here,
14:04you rollicking, jollabin' sauce-bottle!
14:08Woof, woof!
14:12Is that true?
14:14Yes, yes, tis I,
14:16your gorgeous little love bundle.
14:19Oh, George,
14:20I think you must be the snuggly, wuggliest lambkin
14:23in the whole of Toyland.
14:27Yuck!
14:28What was that?
14:30Uh, nothing.
14:31There was just a little fly in my throaty.
14:33Yuck, yuck!
14:35Do you want the hanky-wanky
14:37to cop the flammy-wemmy woo-woo, wouldn't you?
14:42Oh, no, no, no, it was just the wind whistling through the trees
14:48and making a noise that sounded like
14:51fwoaah,
14:52right here.
14:55Oh, joy.
14:57Then come,
14:58Prince Cuddly Kitten,
15:00climb up my ivy.
15:02Sausage time!
15:04There is no one down there with you.
15:06Oh, my God, yes, yes, so there is.
15:08A filthy intruder spying on our love.
15:10Oh, hit him, George, hit him!
15:13Very well.
15:14Would you mind screaming, Your Highness?
15:15Take that!
15:16And that!
15:17And that!
15:20Oh, you're so brave!
15:22And I'm so worn out with all the excitement.
15:25I'd better go sleepy, Bobo's,
15:27otherwise I'll be all cross in the morning.
15:30Nighty-night, Georgie-Porgie!
15:32Nighty-whitey, Amy-wamey.
15:36I think it worked, sir.
15:38In the morning, I shall go in and ask her father.
15:40You go out and start spending his money.
15:43I can't stand meanness when it comes to wedding presents.
15:46And well done, sir.
15:47You were brilliant.
15:47Was I?
15:48Yes, sir.
15:49But I'm in agony.
15:50Well, that's love for you.
15:53Sir, I come as emissary of the Prince of Wales
15:56with the most splendid news.
15:58He wants your daughter, Amy, for his wife.
16:01Well, his wife can't, have her?
16:04That lady's search come here is such a suggestion.
16:07Night, sir, or I shall take off me belt
16:09and by thunder, me trousers will fall down.
16:13Sir, you misunderstand.
16:15He wants to marry your lovely daughter.
16:17Oh, can it be possibly true?
16:21Surely love has never crossed such boundaries of class.
16:25Well, what about you and Mum?
16:26Well, yes, yes.
16:27Grantley, when I first met her, I was the farmer's son
16:29and she was just the lass who ate the dung.
16:31But that was an exception.
16:32And Auntie Dot and Uncle Ted.
16:33Yes, yes, all right.
16:34He was a pig poker and she was the Duchess of Argyle.
16:37But...
16:37I thought to Ruth and Uncle Isaiah, she was a milk maiden, he was...
16:40The Pope, yes, yes, all right.
16:42Who are you?
16:44Suffice it to say, if you marry,
16:46we need never be poor or hungry again.
16:48Sir, we accept.
16:49Good.
16:50So obviously you'll be wanting an enormous ceremony.
16:53What did you say?
16:54Well, obviously, now we're marrying quality,
16:58we'll never be poor or hungry again.
17:00Meaning that you're poor and hungry at the moment?
17:02Oh, yes.
17:03We've been living off lark butties for five years now.
17:07I'm so poor, I use my underpants for drying dishes.
17:11Sir, you're skint.
17:12Aye.
17:13Well, in that case, the wedding's off.
17:15Good day.
17:15Oh, but what about George's lovey-wovey poems
17:18that won my hearty-warty?
17:20All writteny-whitney by me-wee, I'm afraid-y-wee-dee.
17:23Bye.
17:28Sir, you know I told you to go out
17:30and spend a lot of money on wedding presents.
17:32Well, apparently...
17:36Yes?
17:38Nothing.
17:44Crisis, Baldrick, crisis.
17:46No marriage, no money, more bills.
17:48For the first time in my life,
17:50I've decided to follow a suggestion of yours.
17:52Saddle Prince George's horse.
17:53Oh, sir, you're not going to become a highwayman, are you?
17:56No, I'm auditioning for the part of Arnold the Bat
17:59in Sheridan's new comedy.
18:01Oh, that's all right, then.
18:03Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
18:06Yeah.
18:07It's like goldy and bronzy, only it's made of iron.
18:11Never mind, never mind.
18:13Just saddle the prince's horse.
18:15Well, that'll be difficult.
18:17He wrapped around that gas lamp in the Strand last night.
18:20Well, saddle my horse, then.
18:22What do you think you've been eating for the last two months?
18:25Well, go out into the street and hire me a horse.
18:28Hire your horse?
18:29For nine pence?
18:30One Jewish New Year in the rain?
18:32A bear fortnight after the dreaded horse plague of old London town,
18:36with the blacksmith's strike in its 15th week
18:39in the Dorset Horse Fetishists' Fair tomorrow.
18:42Right.
18:43Well, get this on, then.
18:44It looks as though you can do any exercise.
18:46Yes, papa.
18:47Yes, papa.
18:51Yes, papa.
18:51Yes, papa.
18:51Ever since mother died, you've tried to stop me growing up.
18:54I'm not a little girl.
18:55I'm a grown woman.
18:56In fact, I might as well tell you now, papa.
18:58I'm pregnant, and I'm an opium fiend,
19:01and I'm in love with a poet called Shelley
19:02who was a famous whoopsie,
19:04and mother didn't die.
19:05I killed her.
19:06Oh, well, never mind.
19:12Stand under the barb.
19:14Oh, no.
19:15Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:16Disaster.
19:18It's the shadow.
19:19We're doomed.
19:20Doomed.
19:21Hi, good evening, Duke.
19:22And the lovely Miss Cheapside.
19:23Your cash bags, please.
19:26Oh, yeah.
19:27You'll never get away with this, you scoundrel.
19:29You'll be caught and damn well hung.
19:31I think he looks pretty well hung.
19:32Madam, please,
19:33not the gesture about me looking pretty well hung already.
19:35We have no time.
19:3680.
19:38Now, sir, turn out your pockets.
19:40Never, sir.
19:40A man's pockets are his own private kingdom.
19:43I'll protect them with my life.
19:44I see.
19:45You've got something embarrassing in there, have you?
19:47Perhaps a particularly repulsive handkerchief, hmm?
19:49One of these fellows who has a big blow
19:51and then doesn't change it for a week.
19:53That's how they look, sir.
19:56Ah.
19:57Hygerman, I also have a jewel.
19:59I fear, however,
20:01that I have placed it here,
20:02beneath my petticoats,
20:04for protection.
20:05Well, in that case, madam,
20:06I think I'll leave it.
20:07I'm not sure I fancy the idea of a jewel
20:09that's been in someone's pants.
20:12A single kiss of those soft lips
20:14is all I require.
20:15Never, sir!
20:16A man's soft lips
20:17is his own private kingdom.
20:19I shall defend them with my life.
20:21I'm not talking to you, grandad.
20:27Oh, I'm overcome.
20:29Take me with you
20:30to live the life of the wild rogue,
20:31cuddling under haystacks
20:32and making love
20:33in the branches of tall trees.
20:35Madam, sadly, I must decline.
20:37I fear my horse would collapse
20:39with you on top of him, as well, Jane.
20:41I could try.
20:47No, Quicksilver, you couldn't.
20:48Well, that's not fair, then.
20:50I've had you on my back for ten miles.
20:52I haven't even got a kiss out of it.
20:54Oh, all right.
20:55Very well, then.
20:58All fair now?
21:00Not really, no.
21:01No pleasing some horses.
21:03Hi-oh, Quicksilver!
21:05Papa!
21:07You did nothing to defend my honour.
21:10Oh, shut your face,
21:11you pregnant, junkie fag hag!
21:14Well, Baldry,
21:16a good night's work, I think.
21:18It's time to divide the loot,
21:20and I think it's only fair
21:21that we should share it equally.
21:22Which I suppose is highwayman's talk
21:25for you get the cash,
21:26I get the snotty hanky.
21:27No, no, no.
21:28We did this robbery together,
21:29so you get half the cash.
21:31Oh, thank you, Mr. B.
21:32This robbery, on the other hand,
21:34I'm doing alone.
21:35Hand it over,
21:36your money or your life.
21:39All fair and above board.
21:41Fair enough.
21:41As long as I haven't been cheated,
21:43I don't mind.
21:44Hands up!
21:45I'm the shadow,
21:46but I never miss.
21:48Oh, no.
21:50You,
21:51the one that looks like a pig.
21:53He's talking to you, Baldry.
21:56Skedaddle!
22:00So,
22:01who have we here?
22:05Well,
22:06a well-set-up fellow indeed.
22:09Sir,
22:09a kiss.
22:11Sorry,
22:11I'm not sure I heard that correctly.
22:13Oh, dear.
22:15Maybe your ears need unblocking.
22:17Oh, I see a kiss.
22:18Of course,
22:18of course,
22:18of course.
22:19And then perhaps a little light supper,
22:20some dancing.
22:21Who knows where it might be.
22:25Good Lord,
22:26it's you.
22:27Of course.
22:29But your voice,
22:30it's clever,
22:30isn't it?
22:31Does your father know you're out?
22:33He had to go.
22:35You mean he's dead?
22:35Yes.
22:36Dead as that squirrel.
22:38Which squirrel?
22:41No.
22:44Oh, that squirrel.
22:46Of course.
22:47You killed him
22:48for ruining your chances
22:49of marrying Prince George.
22:50I despise the prince.
22:53Don't you know
22:54it's you I want?
22:55I want a real man.
22:58A man who can sew on a button.
23:00A man who knows
23:01where the towels are kept.
23:03And, yes,
23:05I crave your fabulous,
23:07sinewy body.
23:08Well,
23:09you're only human.
23:12Here's the plan,
23:13brown eyes.
23:14You rob the prince
23:15of everything he's got
23:16right down to the clothes
23:17he's standing in.
23:18I'll get my stash
23:20and meet you here.
23:21And then we'll run away
23:22to the West Indies.
23:23Well,
23:24I don't know.
23:24I'll have to think about it.
23:26I've thought about it.
23:27It's a brilliant plan.
23:29I'll see you here tomorrow.
23:34Right.
23:35I'm off.
23:36Oh, sir,
23:37but what about the danger?
23:38Look,
23:38the reward's going up
23:39day by day.
23:40Ha!
23:41I laugh in the face of danger.
23:43I drop ice cubes
23:44down the vest of fear.
23:46Things couldn't be better,
23:47Baldrick.
23:47She'll get me abroad
23:48and make me rich.
23:49Then I'll probably drop her
23:51and get 200 concubines
23:53to share my bed.
23:54Won't they be rather prickly?
23:59concubines,
24:00concubines,
24:00Baldrick,
24:00not porcupines.
24:02I still can't believe
24:03you're leaving me behind.
24:05Oh,
24:05don't you worry.
24:06When we're established
24:06on our plantation
24:07in Barbados,
24:08I'll send for you.
24:09No more sad little London
24:11for you,
24:11Baldriss.
24:12From now on,
24:13you will stand out
24:14in life as an individual.
24:15Will I?
24:16Well,
24:16of course you will.
24:17All the other slaves
24:18will be black.
24:20Mr Blackhandler,
24:22oh,
24:22what's all this
24:23I hear about you?
24:24Buying a bathing costume
24:25and 40 gallons
24:26of coconut oil.
24:27Are you going abroad
24:28then, sir?
24:29Yes,
24:30I'm off.
24:30Oh,
24:31sir,
24:31what a tragic end
24:33to all my dreams.
24:35And I'd always hoped
24:37that you'd settle down
24:38and marry me
24:38and that together
24:39we might await
24:40this slither
24:41of tiny adders.
24:43Mrs Anne,
24:45if we were the last
24:46three humans on earth,
24:48I'd be trying
24:48to start a family
24:49with ball ricks.
24:55Well,
24:56here I am,
24:57all packed
24:58and ready to go.
24:59Duff,
25:00I'm so pleased to see you
25:02and I've got
25:03a little surprise for you.
25:05Close your eyes
25:06and open your mouth.
25:09Hand over the loop,
25:10goat brains.
25:13I always say
25:14at the bedrock
25:15of a good relationship
25:16is being able
25:16to laugh together
25:17good,
25:18well done.
25:18So,
25:19which way to Barbados?
25:20You're not going
25:21to Barbados.
25:22Get away from the cart,
25:23Mr Slimy,
25:24or I'll fill you
25:25so full of lead
25:26we could sharpen your head
25:27and call you a pencil.
25:29This is turning
25:30into a really rotten evening.
25:33That's what,
25:33you'd better make the most of it
25:34because it's your last.
25:37And it's a pity
25:39because it's usually
25:40against my principles
25:41to shoot dumb animals.
25:44Except squirrels.
25:45Yes.
25:47Bastards.
25:48I hate them
25:49with their long tails
25:50and their stupid twitchy noses.
25:56I shall return at midnight
25:57to collect the loot
25:59when I'll fill you
26:00so full of holes
26:01I could market you
26:02as a new English cheese.
26:09Oh, God. What a way to die. Shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll.
26:17Morning, Mr. B.
26:18Oh, Baldrick? Baldrick. Thank you for introducing me to a genuinely new experience.
26:24What experience is that?
26:25Being pleased to see you.
26:28Now, what are you doing here, you revolting animal?
26:30I've come for the shadows' autograph. You know, I'm a great fan of the shadows.
26:35Yes, just in time, Baldrick. Come on.
26:36What? Has he gone? Oh, what a pity. I wanted him to autograph my new poster.
26:42Look, his reward's gone up to £10,000.
26:45Good Lord. £10,000?
26:47Yep.
26:48That gives me an idea.
26:50Baldrick, take this cartload of loot back to the palace and meet me back here at midnight
26:54with ten soldiers, a restless lynch mob and a small portable gallows.
27:03Ah, brekkers. I could eat 14 trays of it this morning and still have room for a dolphin on toast.
27:11Any particular reason for this gluttonous levity, sir?
27:14Oh, what do you think, Blackadder? I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm in
27:18love.
27:18Oh, Amy. Bless all ten of your tiny little pinkies.
27:22Ah, let's see what's in the paper.
27:26Oh, my God, she's been arrested and hanged!
27:31Really?
27:33It turns out she was a highwayman.
27:36Tch, these modern girls.
27:38Apparently someone tipped off the authorities and collected the £10,000 reward.
27:43What a greasy sneak.
27:45Oh, if only I could get my hands on him.
27:47Tch, you can't trust anyone these days, sir.
27:50It says here that she had an accomplice.
27:55But they don't know who it was.
27:59Amy, Amy, Amy, I shall never forget you. Never, ever, never, ever.
28:05Right, what's for breakfast?
28:07Tentaries.
28:08Great. Actually, come to think of it, Blackadder, I didn't need to get married anyway.
28:12I've got pots of money.
28:13Really?
28:14The most extraordinary thing happened.
28:16I was a bit peckish during the night, so I nipped downstairs to the biscuit barrel.
28:20The biscuit barrel?
28:21And do you know what I found inside?
28:23£10,000 that I never knew I had.
28:26I've got so much money now, I don't know what to do with it.
28:30How about a game of cards, sir?
28:32Excellent idea.
29:03A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B
29:09-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B
29:13-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B
29:17-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B
29:19-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B
29:24-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A
Comments