Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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FunTranscript
00:00Fire, third, section!
00:03Trick, dodge!
00:16Fire, strike!
00:25Fire, strike!
00:55Oh, God, why are they bopper?
00:57Oh, it's to kill Jerry, isn't it?
00:59Yes, but Jerry is safe underground in concrete bunkers.
01:03We've shot off over a million cannon shells and what's the result?
01:06One Dachshund with a slight lip.
01:10Shut up!
01:14I'm off to bed where I intend to sleep until my name changes to Rip Van Adder.
01:36Oh, bloody Germans, they can't take a joke, can they?
01:39Just want to take a few pot shots at them, they have to have an air raid to get their
01:42own back.
01:43Where are Air Force, the men that defend us against this sort of thing?
01:49Right, that's it.
01:54Hello?
01:55Yes, yes, I'd like to leave a message for the Head of the Flying Corps, please.
01:59To Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh Massingbird, Massingbird, VC, DFC and Barr.
02:04Message reads, where are you, you bastard?
02:08Here I am, sir.
02:09For God's sake, Baldrick, take cover.
02:11Why's that, sir?
02:12Because there's an air raid going on and I don't want to have to write to your mother at London
02:16soon.
02:17I tell her that her only human child is dead.
02:21All right, sir, it's just that I didn't know there was an air raid on.
02:24I couldn't hear anything over the noise of the terrific display by our wonderful boys of the Royal Flying Corps,
02:30sir.
02:31What?
02:31I say, those chaps can't have thunder in their airborne steeds, can't they just?
02:37Hello, what's going on here? Game of hide and seek?
02:39Excellent.
02:40Right, sir, I'll go and count to 100.
02:42No, better make it five, actually.
02:43George!
02:44Oh, it's sardines!
02:45Oh, excellent, that's my favourite one, then.
02:47George!
02:48Yes, sir?
02:48Shut up and never say anything again as long as you live.
02:51Right, sir.
02:53Crikey, but what a show it was, sir.
02:55Lord Flashheart's Flying Aces.
02:57How he cheered when they spun, how he shouted when they dived,
03:01how he applauded when one chap got sliced in half by his own propeller.
03:05Well, it's all part of the joke for those magnificent men and their flying machines.
03:10For magnificent men read biggest show-offs since Lady Godiva entered the Royal Enclosure
03:16at Ascot claiming she had literally nothing to wear.
03:19I don't care how many times they go up diddly-up-up, they're still gits.
03:23Oh, come on, sir, I'd love to be a flyer up there where the air is clear.
03:29The chances of the air being clear anywhere near you, Baldrick, are zero.
03:34Oh, sir, it'll be great swooping and diving.
03:38Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee.
03:43Baldrick?
03:44Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee.
03:46Baldrick.
03:47What are you doing?
03:49I'm a sopwith camel, sir.
03:51It is a sopwith camel.
03:53Ah right, I always get confused between the sound of a sopwith camel
03:55and the sound of a malodorous runt wasting everybody's time.
03:59Now, if you can do without me in the nursery for a while,
04:01I'm going to get some fresh air.
04:07Ha! Eat knuckle, Fritz!
04:11How disgusting! A bosh on the sole of my boot!
04:13I just have to find a patch of grass to wipe it on!
04:16Probably get shunned in the officer's mess.
04:18Sorry about the pong, you fellas.
04:19Trod in a bosh and can't get rid of the whiff!
04:22Do you think we could dispense with the hilarious doggy-do metaphor for a moment?
04:27I'm not a bosh, this is a British trench.
04:29Is it? Oh, that's a piece of luck.
04:31Thought I'd landed sausage side. Ha!
04:34Might as well use your phone.
04:36If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves.
04:39I wouldn't want them on my conscience.
04:41They ought to be on my face.
04:46Hi! Flash out here.
04:48Yeah.
04:48Cancel the state funeral, tell the king to stop blubbing.
04:51Flash is not dead!
04:53I simply ran out of juice.
04:55Yeah, and before all the girls start saying,
04:57oh, what's the point living anymore,
04:58I'm talking about petrol.
05:00Woof! Woof!
05:01Yeah, I dumped the kite on the proles, so send a car.
05:04General Melchitz driver should do.
05:06She hangs around with a big knob, so she'd be used to a fellow like me.
05:08Woof! Woof!
05:10Look, do you think you can make your obscene phone call somewhere else?
05:13No, not in half an hour, you rubber desk johnny!
05:17Send the bitch with the wheels right now,
05:19or I'll fly back to England and give your wife something to hang her towels on!
05:26Oh, Dave, dig out your best booze and let's talk about me till the car comes.
05:30Yeah, must be pretty impressed having Squadron Commander,
05:32the Lord Flash Heart, drop in on your squalid bit of line.
05:36Actually, no.
05:37I was more impressed by the contents of my handkerchief
05:39the last time I blew my nose.
05:41Yeah, like how.
05:44You've probably got little pickies of me on the walls of your dugout, haven't you?
05:48I bet you go all girly and giggly every time you...
05:50No, no, no, I'm afraid not.
05:53Unfortunately, most of the infantry think you're a prat.
05:56Ask them who they'd prefer to meet,
05:57Squadron Commander Flash Heart
05:59and the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen.
06:02They're made there for Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop.
06:13So, enough, fellow, loop-the-loop.
06:15I honestly thought that...
06:17My God!
06:19Yes, I suppose I am.
06:21Lord Flash Heart,
06:22this is the greatest honour of my life.
06:25I hope I snuff it right now
06:26to preserve this moment forever.
06:28It could be arranged.
06:30Lord Flash Heart,
06:32I want to learn to write
06:33so I can send a letter home
06:35about this golden moment.
06:36So all the fellas hate me, eh?
06:39Not a bit of it.
06:40I'm your bloody hero, eh, old scat?
06:42Jesus!
06:44Now, Lord,
06:45I've got every cigarette card
06:46they ever printed of you.
06:48My whole family took up smoking
06:50just so that we could get the whole set.
06:53My grandmother
06:54smoked herself to death
06:56so we could afford the album.
06:58Of course she did.
06:59Of course she did,
07:00the poor, love-crazed old octogenarian.
07:03Well, all right, you fellas,
07:04let's sit us down
07:05and yawn about how amazingly attractive I am.
07:08Yes, would you excuse me for a moment?
07:09I've got some urgent business.
07:10There's a bucket outside
07:11I've got to be sickened to.
07:14Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
07:16All right, you chaps,
07:18let's get comfy.
07:20You look like a decent British bloke.
07:21I'll park the old booties on you,
07:23if that's OK.
07:23It would be an honour, my lord.
07:25Of course it would.
07:28Have you any idea
07:30what it's like
07:30to have the wind
07:31rushing through your hair?
07:33No, sir.
07:36He has.
07:38Lucky devil.
07:40So I flew straight
07:41through a bedroom window,
07:42popped a box of chocks
07:43on the dressing table,
07:44machine-gummed my telephone number
07:45into the wall
07:46and then shot off
07:46and shagged her sister.
07:51Driver Parkhurst
07:51reporting for duty, my lord.
07:53Well, well, well,
07:54if it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst,
07:56saucier than a direct hit
07:57on a Heinz factory.
07:59I've come to pick you up.
08:00Well, that's how I like my girls.
08:02Direct and to my point.
08:03Woof!
08:04Woof!
08:04Woof!
08:05Mm!
08:06Mm!
08:07Mm!
08:07Mm!
08:08Mm!
08:08Mm!
08:09Mm!
08:09Mm!
08:09Mm!
08:09Mm!
08:10Mm!
08:11Tally-ho, then,
08:12back to the bar.
08:13You should join the Flying Corps, George.
08:15That's the way to fight a war.
08:17Tasty tuck,
08:18soft beds
08:18and a uniform so smart
08:19it's got a PhD from Cambridge.
08:22You could even bring
08:22the breath monster here.
08:25Anyone can be a navigator
08:26if he can tell his arse
08:27from his elbow.
08:27Well, that's ball rig out, I see.
08:30We're always looking
08:31for talented types
08:31to join the 20-minuters.
08:33And there goes George.
08:34Telly-ho, then, Bobby.
08:36Hush, here comes a whiz-bang
08:38and I think you know
08:39what I'm talking about.
08:40Woof!
08:41Woof!
08:42God, it's like crufts in here.
08:45What a splendid notion.
08:47The 20-minuters.
08:48Soft tucker, tasty beds,
08:50fluffy uniforms.
08:51Begging your permission, sir,
08:53but why do they call them
08:54the 20-minuters?
08:55Ah, now, yes.
08:56Now, this one
08:57is in my
08:57Brooke Bond
08:58book of the air.
08:59Now, you have to
09:00collect all the cards
09:01and then stick them
09:01into this wonderful
09:02presentation booklet.
09:04Uh,
09:04ah, here we are,
09:0520-minuters.
09:06Oh, damn,
09:07I haven't got the card yet.
09:08Ah, but the caption says
09:1020 minutes is the
09:11average amount of time
09:12new pilots spend
09:13in the air.
09:1420 minutes.
09:15That's right, sir.
09:16I had a 20-hour watch
09:17yesterday with
09:18four hours overtime
09:19in two feet of water.
09:21Well, then, for goodness
09:22sake, sir,
09:22why don't we join?
09:23Yeah, be better than
09:25just sitting around here
09:26all day on our elbows.
09:28No, thank you.
09:29No, thank you.
09:30I have no desire
09:31to hang around
09:32with a bunch of
09:33upper-class delinquents,
09:35do 20 minutes work,
09:36and then spend
09:36the rest of the day
09:37loafing about in Paris
09:38drinking gallons of champagne
09:40and having dozens
09:41of moist pink,
09:42highly experienced
09:43young French peasant girls
09:45galloping up and down
09:46my...
09:47hang on.
09:51Cut.
09:54Ah, Captain Blackadder.
09:56Good morning, Captain, darling.
09:57What do you want?
09:58You're looking so well.
10:01I'm a busy man, Blackadder.
10:02Let's hear it,
10:02whatever it is.
10:04Well, you know, darling,
10:05every man...
10:06every man has a dream.
10:08Hmm.
10:09And when I was a small boy,
10:10I used to watch
10:11the marsh warblers
10:12swooping in my
10:13mother's undercroft.
10:15And I remember thinking,
10:16will men ever dare
10:17do the same?
10:19And, you know...
10:19Oh, you want to join
10:20the Royal Flying Corps?
10:22Oh, that's a thought.
10:24Could I?
10:25No, you couldn't.
10:26Goodbye.
10:28Come on, darling,
10:29just give me
10:29an application form.
10:30It's out of the question.
10:31This is simply a ruse
10:32to waste five months
10:33of training,
10:34after which you'll claim
10:35you can't fly after all
10:36because it makes
10:36your ears go pop.
10:37Come on,
10:38I wasn't born yesterday,
10:39Blackadder.
10:39More's the pity
10:40we could have started
10:40your personality
10:41from scratch.
10:44So, the training period
10:45is five months, is it?
10:47It's no concern of yours
10:48if it's five years
10:49and comes with a free
10:49holiday in Tunisia,
10:50contraceptive supplied.
10:53Besides,
10:53they wouldn't admit you.
10:54It's not easy getting
10:55transfers, you know.
10:56No, you've tried it
10:56yourself, have you?
10:58No, I haven't.
10:59Trust you to try
11:00and skive off
11:01to some cushy option.
11:02There's nothing cushy
11:03about life in the
11:03Women's Auxiliary
11:04Balloon Corps.
11:08So then, the bishop said,
11:09I'm awfully sorry,
11:10I didn't realise
11:11you meant organist.
11:15Thank you, George.
11:16At ease, everybody.
11:17Now, where's my map?
11:18Come on, sir.
11:22God, it's a barren,
11:24featureless desert
11:25out there, isn't it?
11:27The other side, sir.
11:30Hello, George.
11:31What are you doing here?
11:32Me, sir?
11:33I just popped in
11:33to join the Royal
11:34Flying Corps.
11:35Hello, Blackadder.
11:36What are you doing here?
11:37Me, sir?
11:38I just popped in
11:38to join the Royal
11:39Flying Corps.
11:40Of course, I said.
11:41Bravo, I hope, darling.
11:43Because, you know,
11:43I've always had my doubts
11:44about you trenchy-type
11:45fellows.
11:46Always suspected
11:47there might be a bit
11:48too much of the
11:48battle-dodging,
11:50nappy-wearing,
11:50I'd rather have a cup
11:51of tea than charred stark
11:53naked at Jerry about you.
11:54If you're willing
11:55to join the 20 Miniters,
11:57then you're all right
11:57by me and welcome
11:58to marry my sister
11:59any day.
12:00Are you sure
12:01about this, sir?
12:02Certainly.
12:02You should hear
12:02the noise she makes
12:03when she eats
12:04a boiled egg.
12:05Glad to get her
12:06out of the house.
12:07So, report back here
12:080900 hours
12:09for your basic training.
12:12Crikey,
12:12I'm looking forward
12:13to today.
12:14Up, diddly up,
12:14down, diddly down.
12:15Whoops, poop,
12:16twiddly knee.
12:18Decent scrap
12:19with a fiendish
12:19red barren,
12:20bit of a jolly old
12:21crash landing
12:21behind enemy lines.
12:23Capture, torture,
12:24escape,
12:24and then back home
12:25in time
12:25for tea and metals.
12:27George,
12:28who's using
12:29the family brain cell
12:30at the moment?
12:32This is just
12:33the beginning
12:34of the training.
12:35The beginning
12:35of five long months
12:37of very clever,
12:38very dull men
12:38looking at machinery.
12:40Hey, girls,
12:40look at my machinery!
12:43Enter the man
12:44who has no underwear.
12:45Ask me why.
12:46Why do you have
12:47no underwear,
12:48Lord Flash?
12:48Because the pants
12:49haven't been built yet
12:50that'll take the job on.
12:53And that's the type
12:54of guy who's doing
12:55the training around here.
12:56Sit down.
12:57Well, well, well,
12:59well, well,
13:00if it isn't old
13:00Captain Slack Bladder.
13:04Blackadder.
13:04Couldn't resist it,
13:05eh, Slack Bladder?
13:06Told you you
13:07thought I was great.
13:08All right, men,
13:09let's do it!
13:11The first thing
13:12to remember is
13:13always treat your kite
13:15like you treat your woman.
13:18How do you mean, sir?
13:19Do you mean, um,
13:20do you mean take her
13:21home at the weekend
13:21to meet your mother?
13:23No, I mean,
13:24get inside her five times
13:25a day and take her
13:25to heaven and back.
13:32I'm beginning to see
13:33why the suffragette
13:34movement want the vote.
13:36Hey, hey,
13:37any bird who wants
13:38to chain herself
13:38to my railings
13:39and suffer a jet movement
13:40gets my vote.
13:43Right, well,
13:43I'll see you in ten minutes
13:44for take-off.
13:45Hang on, hang on.
13:47What about the months
13:48of training?
13:49Hey, wet pants,
13:50this isn't the
13:51Women's Auxiliary Balloon Corps.
13:53You're in the
13:5320 Ministers now.
13:54Sir?
13:55Yes, sir?
13:56Pratt at the back.
13:58I think we'd all
13:59be intrigued to know
13:59why you called
14:01the 20 Ministers.
14:02Oh, Mr Thicker,
14:04imagine not knowing that.
14:06Well, it's simple.
14:07The average life expectancy
14:08for a new pilot
14:09is 20 minutes.
14:11Ah.
14:12Life expectancy
14:15of 20 minutes.
14:16That's right.
14:17Goggles on,
14:18chocks away,
14:18last one back's a homo.
14:19Hooray!
14:24So,
14:24we take off
14:25in ten minutes.
14:27We're in the air
14:28for 20 minutes.
14:30Which means
14:31we should be dead
14:31by 25 to 10.
14:33Hairy blighter, sir.
14:34This is a bit of a
14:35turn-up with a plus-four.
14:36You shouldn't worry
14:37about it too much,
14:38back in.
14:40Flying's all about navigation.
14:44As long as you've
14:45got a good navigator,
14:46I'm sure you'll be fine.
14:59Actually,
14:59they're right.
15:00This is a dobble.
15:00Yes, sir.
15:01Whoops,
15:01a little wobble there.
15:04I'll get the hang of it,
15:05don't worry.
15:05All right, Baldrick,
15:06how many rounds have we got?
15:07Uh, 500, sir.
15:08Cheese and tomato
15:09go for you, Rattie.
15:11There's our
15:11tally-belly house.
15:14What's this, sir?
15:15Please,
15:16no,
15:16Baldrick,
15:17Baldrick,
15:18will you stop
15:18arsing about
15:19and get back
15:20in the pocket?
15:22Hey, sir,
15:23look,
15:23I can see
15:24a pretty red plain
15:25from up here.
15:27Woo!
15:28Snell,
15:29not under.
15:30No.
15:31No.
15:32Watch out,
15:33Baldrick,
15:33it stood right
15:34on our tail.
15:36Yes,
15:36now,
15:37this is developing
15:37into a distinctly
15:38boring situation,
15:39but it was still
15:40on our side
15:40of the line.
15:41Now,
15:41I'll crash land
15:42and claim my ears
15:43went pop,
15:43first time out.
15:44Oh,
15:44let's hope we fall
15:46on something soft.
15:47Fine,
15:47I'll try and aim
15:48between General
15:49Melchip's ears.
15:52I don't believe it.
15:54A German prison cell.
15:56For two and a half years,
15:57the Western Front
15:58has been as likely
15:59to move
15:59as a Frenchman
16:00who lives next door
16:01to a brothel.
16:02And last night,
16:03the Germans advance
16:04a mile
16:04and we land
16:05on the wrong side.
16:06Oh,
16:07dear Captain B,
16:08my tummy's gone
16:09all squirty.
16:10That's because
16:11you're scared,
16:11Baldrick,
16:12and you're not
16:12the only one.
16:13I couldn't be
16:14more petrified
16:14if a wild rhinoceros
16:16had just come home
16:17from a hard day
16:18at the swamp
16:18and found me
16:19wearing his pyjamas,
16:20smoking his cigars
16:21and in bed
16:22with his wife.
16:24I've heard
16:24what these Germans
16:25will do,
16:26sir.
16:26They'll have
16:26their wicked way
16:27with anything
16:28of woman born.
16:29Well,
16:30in that case,
16:30Baldrick,
16:30you're quite safe.
16:32However,
16:33the Teutonic
16:33reputation
16:34for brutality
16:35is well-founded.
16:36Their operas
16:37last three or four days.
16:39And they have
16:40no word
16:41for fluffy.
16:42I want my mum.
16:45Yes,
16:45it'd be good
16:45to see her.
16:46I should imagine
16:47a maternally
16:47outraged gorilla
16:49could be a useful ally
16:50when it comes
16:50to the final
16:51scrap.
16:54Prepare to die
16:55like a man,
16:55Baldrick.
16:56Or as close
16:57as you can come
16:57to a man
16:58without actually
16:58shaving the palms
16:59of your hands.
17:04Good evening.
17:05I'm Orville
17:06Lointment
17:06von Gerhardt.
17:08I have a message
17:08from the Baron
17:09von Richthofen,
17:10the greatest living
17:11German.
17:13Which,
17:13considering his
17:13competition
17:14consists entirely
17:15of very fat men
17:16in leather shorts
17:17burping to the tune
17:18of Schubert
17:18coming round
17:19the mountains,
17:20there's no great
17:21achievement.
17:22Yes!
17:25And what is
17:26your message?
17:27It is,
17:28prepare for a
17:29fate worse
17:30than death,
17:31English flying
17:32fellow.
17:33Well,
17:33so it's a
17:34traditional
17:34warm German
17:35welcome.
17:37Also,
17:37he is saying
17:38do not try
17:38to escape
17:39or you will
17:39suffer even
17:40worse.
17:41A fate worse
17:42than a fate
17:43worse than death.
17:44That's pretty
17:45bad.
17:47Yes,
17:47well,
17:47yes,
17:48well,
17:48you see,
17:49it's all
17:49very well
17:49for you,
17:50isn't it,
17:50sitting here
17:50behind you,
17:51behind you,
17:51behind you
17:52a comfy desk.
17:53Don't you
17:53take that tone
17:53with me,
17:54Lieutenant,
17:54I'll have you
17:54on a charge
17:55for insubordination.
17:56Well,
17:56I'd rather be
17:56on a charge
17:57for insubordination
17:57than on a charge
17:58of deserting
17:59a friend.
17:59How dare you
18:00talk to me
18:01like that!
18:01How dare I?
18:02Now then,
18:02now then,
18:03now,
18:03now,
18:04then,
18:04now,
18:04then,
18:05now,
18:05then,
18:05then,
18:07Now then,
18:08what's going
18:08on here?
18:09That damn
18:10fool Blackadder
18:10has crashed
18:11his plane
18:11behind enemy
18:11lines,
18:12sir.
18:12This young
18:12idiot wants
18:13to go
18:13and try
18:13and rescue
18:14him.
18:14It's a
18:22charge needed,
18:22I fancy.
18:23Now,
18:24George,
18:25do you remember
18:25when I came down
18:26to visit you
18:27when you were
18:27a nipper
18:27for your
18:27sixth birthday?
18:28You used
18:29to have
18:29a lovely
18:29little rabbit,
18:30beautiful little
18:31thing,
18:31do you remember?
18:32Flossie.
18:32That's right,
18:33Flossie.
18:34Do you remember
18:35what happened
18:35to Flossie?
18:36You shot him.
18:38That's right,
18:39it was the kindest
18:40thing to do
18:40after being run
18:41over by that car.
18:43By your car,
18:43sir?
18:45Yes,
18:45by my car.
18:46But that too
18:47was an act
18:47of mercy
18:48when you would
18:48remember that
18:49that dog
18:49had been set
18:50on him.
18:50Your dog,
18:51sir?
18:51Yes,
18:52yes,
18:53my dog.
18:54But what I'm
18:54trying to say,
18:55George,
18:55is that the state
18:56young Flossie
18:57was in after
18:57we'd scraped
18:58him off my
18:58front tire
19:00is very much
19:01the state
19:01that young
19:01Blackadder
19:02will be in
19:02now.
19:03If not very
19:04nearly dead,
19:05then very
19:05actually dead.
19:07Permission for
19:08lip to wobble,
19:09sir?
19:10Permission granted.
19:13Stout fellow.
19:15But surely,
19:15sir,
19:15you must allow
19:16me to at least
19:16try and save
19:17him.
19:17No,
19:18George,
19:18it would be
19:19as pointless
19:19as trying
19:20to teach
19:20a woman
19:20the value
19:21of a good
19:21forward
19:22defensive stroke.
19:23Besides,
19:24it would take
19:24a superman
19:25to get him
19:25out of there,
19:26not the kind
19:27of weed
19:27who blubs
19:28just because
19:29somebody gives
19:29him a slice
19:30of rabbit pie
19:31instead of
19:31bestie cake.
19:33Suppose you're
19:33right, sir.
19:34Of course I
19:34am.
19:35Now,
19:35let's talk
19:36about something
19:36more jolly,
19:37shall we?
19:38Look,
19:38this is the
19:38amount of land
19:39we've recaptured
19:40since yesterday.
19:41Oh,
19:41excellent.
19:42What is the
19:43actual scale
19:44of this map,
19:44darling?
19:46One to one,
19:47sir.
19:48Come again?
19:50The map is
19:51actually life-size,
19:52sir.
19:52It's superbly
19:53detailed.
19:53Look,
19:54there's a little
19:54worm.
19:55So the actual
19:56amount of land
19:57retaken is?
19:58Excuse me,
19:59sir.
20:0217 square feet,
20:03sir.
20:04Excellent.
20:04So you see,
20:05young Blackadder
20:06didn't die
20:06horribly in vain
20:07after all.
20:08If it did die,
20:09sir.
20:10That's the
20:10spirit,
20:11George.
20:11If nothing
20:12else works,
20:12then a total
20:13pig-headed
20:13unwillingness
20:14to look
20:14facts in
20:15the face
20:15will see
20:16us through.
20:22So,
20:23I am
20:24the Red
20:24Baron
20:25von Richterven,
20:26and you
20:27are the
20:27two
20:27English
20:28flying aces
20:29responsible
20:30for the
20:30spinning
20:31of the
20:31precious
20:32German
20:32blood
20:32of many
20:33of my
20:34finest
20:34and my
20:35blondest
20:36friends.
20:37I have
20:38waited
20:39many months
20:40to do
20:40this.
20:47You may
20:47have been
20:47right,
20:48Baldrars.
20:48Looks like
20:49we're going
20:49to get
20:49Roger to
20:50death
20:50after all.
20:52Do you
20:53want me to
20:53go first,
20:54sir?
20:56Your
20:57English and
20:57your sense
20:58of humour.
20:59During your
20:59brief stay,
21:00I look forward
21:01to learning
21:01more of your
21:02bit,
21:02your punning,
21:03and your
21:04amusing jokes
21:04about the
21:05breaking
21:05of the
21:05wind.
21:07Well,
21:08Baldrars,
21:08the expert
21:09there.
21:10I certainly
21:11am,
21:11sir.
21:13How lucky
21:14you English
21:14are to
21:14find the
21:15toilet so
21:15amusing.
21:16For us,
21:18it is a
21:18mundane and
21:19functional
21:19item.
21:20For you,
21:21it's the
21:21basis of
21:22an entire
21:23culture.
21:27I must
21:28now tell
21:28you of
21:29the full
21:29horror of
21:30what awaits
21:30you.
21:31Ah,
21:31you see,
21:32Baldrars,
21:32dress it up
21:32in any
21:33amount of
21:33pompous
21:33verbal
21:34diarrhoea,
21:34and the
21:35message is
21:35square heads
21:36down for
21:37the big
21:37Bosh
21:38gangbang.
21:39As an
21:40officer and
21:40a gentleman,
21:41you will be
21:42looking forward
21:42to a quick
21:43and noble
21:44death.
21:45Well,
21:46obviously.
21:46But instead,
21:48an even worse
21:49fate awaits
21:50you.
21:50Tomorrow,
21:51you will be
21:51taken back
21:52to Germany.
21:53Here it
21:53comes.
21:54To a
21:55convent
21:55school
21:56outside
21:57Heidelberg,
21:58where you
21:59will spend
21:59the rest
22:00of the
22:00war
22:00teaching
22:01the young
22:02girls
22:03home
22:03economics.
22:06Ah...
22:07For you,
22:07as a
22:07man of
22:08honour,
22:09the
22:09humiliation
22:10will be
22:12unbearable.
22:13Ah,
22:14I think
22:14you'll find
22:14we're tougher
22:15than you
22:15imagine.
22:16I can
22:17tell how
22:17much you
22:17are suffering
22:18by your
22:19long
22:19faeces.
22:21We're not
22:22suffering too
22:22much to
22:23say thank
22:23you.
22:24Thank
22:24you.
22:24Say thank
22:25you,
22:25Baudric.
22:26Thank
22:26you,
22:26Baudric.
22:28How a
22:29new thing!
22:30But now,
22:31forgive me.
22:32I must
22:33take to
22:33the skies
22:33once again.
22:35Very funny.
22:35The noble
22:36Lord
22:37Flashheart
22:37still eludes
22:38me.
22:38I think
22:39you'll find
22:39he's
22:39overrated.
22:40Bad
22:41breath
22:41and
22:42impotent,
22:43they say.
22:44Sensual
22:45innuendo!
22:47But enough
22:48of this.
22:49As you
22:49say in
22:49England,
22:50I must
22:51fly.
22:55Perhaps
22:55I will
22:56master
22:56this
22:56humour
22:56after all,
22:57yeah?
22:58I wouldn't
22:58be too
22:58optimistic.
23:00He's a
23:00little
23:01fellow.
23:02If you
23:02get lonely
23:03in the
23:03night,
23:03I'm in
23:03the old
23:04chateau.
23:04There's
23:04no pressure.
23:09Bratwell!
23:11Is it
23:12really true,
23:13sir?
23:13Is the
23:13war really
23:14over for
23:15us?
23:15Yep.
23:16Out of
23:16the war
23:16and teaching
23:17nuns how
23:18to boil
23:19eggs.
23:19For us,
23:20the great
23:20war is
23:21finito.
23:22A war
23:22that would
23:23be a
23:23damp sight
23:23simpler if
23:24we just
23:24stayed in
23:25England and
23:25shot 50,000
23:26of our men
23:27a week.
23:27No more
23:28mud,
23:29death,
23:29rats,
23:30bombs,
23:30shrapnel,
23:31whiz-bangs,
23:32barbed wire,
23:33and those
23:33bloody awful
23:34songs that
23:34have the
23:35word whoops
23:35in the
23:36title.
23:37Damn,
23:38he's left
23:39the door
23:39open.
23:39Oh,
23:39good,
23:40we can
23:40escape,
23:41sir.
23:41Are you
23:41mad,
23:42Bordwick?
23:43Now,
23:43find someone
23:43to look it
23:44for us.
23:45Shush,
23:45TV,
23:46mum's the
23:46word,
23:47not half,
23:47or what?
23:50Sir,
23:51why did
23:51you just
23:51slam the
23:52door on
23:52Lieutenant
23:53George?
23:53I can't
23:54believe it.
23:54Go away!
23:56It's me,
23:57it's me!
23:58But what
23:58the hell
23:58are you
23:58doing here?
23:59Oh,
23:59never mind
24:00the hows
24:00and the whys
24:01and the
24:01do you
24:01mind if
24:02I don't?
24:03I'll take
24:04a superman
24:04to get in
24:05here.
24:05Well,
24:05it's funny
24:06you should
24:06say that
24:06because
24:06as it
24:07happens
24:07I did
24:07have
24:08some
24:08help
24:08from a
24:08rather
24:09spiffing
24:09bloke.
24:10He's
24:10taken a
24:11break
24:11from
24:11some
24:11crucial
24:11top
24:12level
24:12shagging.
24:17It's
24:17me!
24:18Hooray!
24:21God's
24:22potatoes,
24:22George!
24:23You said
24:23noble
24:24brother
24:24fliers
24:24were in
24:24the
24:24lurch.
24:25If I'd
24:25known you
24:26meant
24:26old
24:26slack
24:26bladder
24:27and
24:27the
24:27mound
24:27of
24:27the
24:28hound
24:28of
24:28the
24:28Baskervilles,
24:30I'd
24:30probably
24:30let them
24:30stew in
24:31their
24:31own
24:31juice.
24:32And
24:32let me
24:32tell you,
24:33if I
24:39shall
24:39since
24:40I'm
24:40here
24:40I
24:40may
24:40as
24:41well
24:41do
24:42it
24:42as
24:43the
24:43bishops
24:43said
24:44to
24:44the
24:44netball
24:44team.
24:44Come on,
24:45chums!
24:49Ah!
24:50Oh!
24:51Ah!
24:52Come on!
24:53Ah, yes!
24:53Look, I'm
24:54sorry,
24:55chaps,
24:55but I've
24:55splintered my
24:56pancreas
24:56and I seem
24:58to have
24:58this
24:58terrible
24:59cough.
25:00Cards!
25:00Cards!
25:01Wait,
25:02wait,
25:02wait,
25:02wait a
25:03minute.
25:05Now,
25:05I may be
25:06packing the
25:06kind of
25:07tackle
25:07that you'd
25:08normally
25:08expect to
25:09find swinging
25:09about between
25:10the hind
25:10legs of a
25:11grand national
25:11winner.
25:13But I'm
25:13not totally
25:14stupid.
25:15I've got the
25:16kind of feeling
25:17you'd rather
25:18we hadn't
25:18come.
25:19No, no, no,
25:19I'm very
25:20grateful,
25:20Cesar,
25:20that I'd
25:21slow you
25:21up.
25:22I think
25:22I'm
25:22beginning
25:22to
25:23understand.
25:24Are you?
25:26Just
25:26because I
25:27can give
25:27multiple
25:27orgasms to
25:28the
25:28furniture
25:29just by
25:29sitting
25:31doesn't
25:31mean that
25:32I'm
25:32not sick
25:32of this
25:33damn
25:33war.
25:34The
25:34blood,
25:35noise,
25:36the
25:37endless
25:37poetry.
25:39Tell me
25:40really what
25:40you think,
25:41Flashheart.
25:42Of course
25:42it's not
25:42what I
25:42think.
25:43Now,
25:43get out
25:43that door
25:44before I
25:44redecorate
25:45that wall
25:45in an
25:45interesting
25:46new colour
25:46called
25:46hint of
25:47brain.
25:48Well,
25:49that's
25:49clear.
25:49Let's
25:49get back
25:50to that
25:50lovely
25:50war
25:50then.
25:51Woof,
25:51woof,
25:52mark.
25:55Oh,
25:57damn,
25:58foiled
25:58again.
25:59What bad
25:59luck.
26:00Ah,
26:01and the
26:01Lord
26:01Flashheart.
26:02This is
26:03indeed an
26:04honour.
26:05Finally,
26:05the two
26:06greatest
26:06gentlemen
26:07flyers in
26:07the world
26:08meet.
26:08Two
26:09men of
26:09honour
26:10who
26:10have
26:11justed
26:11together
26:11in the
26:12cloud-strewn
26:12glory of
26:13the skies
26:14face-to-face
26:15at last.
26:16How often
26:17I have
26:17rehearsed
26:17this moment
26:18of destiny
26:18in my
26:19dreams.
26:20The
26:20valer
26:20V to
26:21encapsulate
26:21the
26:22unspoken
26:23nobility
26:23of our
26:24comradeship.
26:27Pause!
26:28Come on!
26:37Hello,
26:38darling.
26:39Good
26:39Lord.
26:40Captain
26:40Blackadder,
26:41I thought
26:41you were
26:42playing
26:42tennis.
26:44Dead?
26:45Well,
26:45yes,
26:46unfortunately.
26:46Well,
26:47I had a
26:47lucky escape,
26:48no thanks
26:48to you.
26:49This is a
26:50friend of
26:50mine.
26:51Ah!
26:53Hi,
26:53please.
26:54Flash out,
26:55this is
26:55Captain
26:55Darling.
26:56Captain
26:56Darling?
26:57Funny name
26:57for a guy,
26:58isn't it?
26:59Last person
27:00I called
27:00Darling was
27:01pregnant 20
27:01seconds later.
27:04Hey,
27:04you couldn't
27:05be bothered
27:05to help
27:06old
27:06slacky here.
27:07Oh,
27:07well,
27:07it wasn't
27:08quite that,
27:08sir,
27:08it's just
27:09that we
27:09weighed up
27:09the pros
27:10and cons
27:10and decided
27:11it wasn't
27:11a reasonable
27:12use of
27:12our time
27:12and resources.
27:13Well,
27:14this isn't
27:14a reasonable
27:14use of
27:15my time
27:15and resources,
27:16but I'm
27:16going to
27:16do it
27:16anyway.
27:17What?
27:18This.
27:19Oh!
27:25All right,
27:25slacky,
27:26all right,
27:27slacky,
27:27I've got to fly.
27:28Two million
27:29chicks,
27:29only one
27:29flash heart.
27:31Remember,
27:32if you want
27:33something,
27:33take it.
27:34Bobby!
27:36My lord.
27:37I want
27:37something.
27:38Take it.
27:41Get.
27:43Ah,
27:43black
27:44adders,
27:44are you
27:44escaped?
27:45Yes,
27:45sir.
27:46Bravo.
27:46Don't
27:47slouch,
27:47darling.
27:48I was
27:49wondering
27:49whether,
27:50having been
27:50tortured by
27:50the most
27:51vicious sadists
27:51of the
27:52German army,
27:52I might be
27:53allowed a
27:53week's leave
27:54to recuperate,
27:54sir.
27:55Excellent
27:55idea.
27:55Your
27:56commanding
27:56officer would
27:57have to be
27:57stark raving
27:58mad to refuse
27:59you.
27:59Well,
28:00you are my
28:00commanding
28:01officer.
28:02Well?
28:03Can I
28:03have a
28:03week's
28:04leave to
28:04recuperate,
28:05sir?
28:05Certainly
28:05not.
28:06Thank you,
28:06sir.
28:07Beh.
28:31ebenso
28:32can i
28:32be
28:32the
28:3221
28:40are
28:47the
28:48be
28:49the
28:49the
28:52never
28:53person
28:53You
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